"Its your first birthday you gotta do something awesome." smiling at my sisters want to make my birthday awesome I sighed "look you're across the county, I'm helping my friend move, I don't know I'm just much of wanting to celebrate it this way." biting my lip "its another thing we where going to do together, and we're not so I just want to treat today like its another day." hearing her sigh "OK, fine, but next time we see each other we're having a night out, call it a sister night out, delayed birthday celebration I don't care, I am celebrating my little sister." shaking my head nodding "you got it steph, but I gotta go, I'll talk to you later, love you send my love to the girls and Paul.'' wanting to get off the phone and keep busy "Love you to and I will." hanging up the phone

It's been a month I wish I could say things have gotten easier however I knew I wouldn't just wake up over him, I've gone through this before biting my lip I would miss him so randomly, like taking a shower, or just driving, all the love songs make it seem like you only fall apart in the middle of the night and during the day you're so put together and bad ass, that's a fucking lie I just felt numb during the day barely holding it together enough to get through a work day.

"Thanks for this, sorry it took up your birthday weekend." Lilly offered me a apologetic smile shrugging my shoulders, I hadn't made too many plans I had dinner with the ortons and Alana a few days ago and that was about it.

"of course, and I hadn't planned on doing much for my birthday anyways.'' we just finished moving her into my town house, life on the road was getting tiring for her and I didn't mind besides my time with Alana and Samantha, I hung out with Randy's brother Nate and of course work this last month has been pretty lonely.

"you OK?" Lilly questioned staring at me shrugging my shoulder picking at my jeans "I don't know, I'm trying, I miss him." offering her a smile, smiling felt hard I didn't want to smile.

"I like the hair." changing the subject running my fingers over my braid laughing "yea I heard that when you get your heart broke you either go out and party which isn't my cup of tea, pierce something again not too much into that idea either or dye your hair so I went with the latter." shrugging my shoulders "better then the alternative I supposed." Lilly put her arm around my shoulders.

"we got you through it once we can again." offering her a smile, this was different though, I couldn't help but wonder what Sam meant last month, his still in this? How? What did it all mean, unfortunately I wouldn't have the answers to that until Randy felt it was the right time to tell me, and that angered me as well, I just felt sad and angry all the time.

"Pizzas here." Jon's loud voice breaking up the moment between Lilly and I, it was nice to be friend's with Jon with no fighting or drama. I felt like I was betraying randy in some way by hanging out with Jon though, biting my lip on the thought I felt loyalty to him though he was hiding something from me that was keeping us apart, the irony I suppose?

Jumping up from the couch "thank god I'm starving all this moving." Lilly exclaimed dramatically taking the pizza and heading to the kitchen all of us shaking our heads walking to the guys.

"What moving did she do exactly?" Joe questioned all of us laughing shrugging pulling out my phone "hey I'm into taking pictures for everything now so." laughing as Jon pulled me in front of him my back to his very warm, very broad chest clearing my throat I was also standing between between Joe and Colby probably just a way to make room for everyone in the picture right? sticking their fists out laughing as we snapped a couple pictures of me with the shield boys "I like it send it to me." Jon grinned grabbing my hand holding me back from following his friends into the kitchen "Uh I know Lilly said you didn't want to celebrate, but uh here happy birthday." grinning at the small box in his hand "Jon you didn't have to." shrugging his shoulders as I slowly opened it up gasping "Jon its beautiful!." holding up the white gold sunflower diamond necklace "here." turning it around for him to put it on me.

It was truly beautiful, I had just taken the necklace randy gave me off a few days ago, I found myself reaching for it and this felt like a perfect replacement for that one "thank you." Jon slowly put the necklace on "yea no problem I'm happy you like it pretty lady." nodding before going into the kitchen leaving me alone for a moment my fingertips playing with the pendent.

RANDY'S POV-

Sitting down on the bench exhausted and the show hadn't started yet, I hated being here, I hated being near her farther knowing what he did to her, to us and no one else knowing, Stephanie fucking hates me if only she fucking knew she'd sing a different tone.

Samantha texted me she posted some new pictures of Alana if I wanted to check them out, she went over to my parents to hang out with my dad and brother today Samantha always hates it too muddy for her, normally they take the quads out or something out doors and muddy.

opening my Instagram account I grinned seeing Alana covered in mud head to toe somewhere in the woods with my dad and brother both grinning, my heart stopping at the fourth picture seeing Emily hugging Alana.

Biting my lip she looked, fuck she looked good blue jeans, boots and a white tank top covered in mud, she died her hair blonde scrunching my nose I liked it better brunette personally but blonde didn't look bad on her, she had a hat scratch that she had one of my hats on turned back words her and Alana laughing, grinning fuck I missed her, I missed Emily, I missed my daughter.

Texting my ex wife back saying "cute, she have fun?" unsure if I was asking more about my daughter or Emily "which one Emily or Alana?" she instantly responded with shaking my head "jack ass, both I suppose." Samantha has kept me in the loop as far as Emily goes, I liked that they hung out and that Emily still got to be around Alana, I loved that my family still hung out with her.

Nate says shes a blast to go out with loves going to comedy clubs with him, frowning I didn't like the idea of her going out without me but what could I do about that right now?

I love that she seems to be finding herself, maybe that could be the positive from all of this?

Going to her recently made Instagram page I felt like a stalker looking at her pictures, watching her live her life without me groaning at the bikini picture of her and Samantha at the pool in her complex caption "suns out, getting some tanning in."

"They both had a blast randy, shes getting better.'' sighing looking through her photos most of them with Alana, Samantha, my brother rolling my eyes I swear his doing this to get under my skin, her and her friend Lilly who apparently moved in with her another thing I didn't agree with but what could I do?

"moving day done with the shield boys." frowning at her standing with Rollins and reigns beside her and Ambrose behind her arm over her shoulder doing their lame ass fist bumping rolling my eyes locking my phone, I hated he was near her, just more shit I had no say in thanks to her fucking farther.

Today's her birthday I had sent flowers to her place and kept fighting the urge to text her, call her, one month down, five to go "hey man you ready?" John broke my thoughts standing up "yea." clearing my throat putting my phone in my bag.

Emily's pov-

Ding dong "I got it." I called out I wasn't expecting anyone opening the door I frowned seeing a beautiful huge banquet of roses and sunflowers biting my lip "Emily McMahon?" nodding "sign here." signing for them I took a deep breath grabbing the banquet "oh wow those are beautiful, your family?" Lilly commented as I sat them on the breakfast bar shaking my head I didn't need to look at the card "Nope." grabbing the card Lilly frowning confused I sighed "randy." showing her the card "Happy birthday sweetheart, xo R."

she frowned "Wanna toss them?" shaking my head no I just stared at them for a minute "wanna go swimming?" we had decided to grill but I needed something then staring at these dammed flowers! "Yea the guys should be back any second, I'll text Jon to just met us out there." nodding heading up stairs to change I bit my lip fighting the urge to text him thank you I couldn't do that, I couldn't open that can of worms, god I wanted to though like any true addict I craved him.

Later on-

"so how are you doing?" frowning at Jon's question as we all sat around the pool the guys had to head out in the morning so we decided to relax and grill after a day of the guys putting together furniture a lot of was my own I had stored in my garage, I had bought UN built because Randy said he would build it for me, another moment that made me miss him terribly, furniture we spent hours on my laptop picking out together.

Shrugging sipping the beer I had been nursing "hanging in there, I'm sure your happy about all of this." kicking the water I had my feet in "Em I'm not happy about your pain, I'm not that much of a dick." glancing at him raising my eye brow

"you kissed me twice while I was with him Jon." Jon shook his head fighting back a laugh shrugging his shoulders "I mean yea I did that but seriously em." looking at me "I'm not happy your hurt, fucking sucks to have your heart broken.'' glancing down at the water biting my lip "I'm sorry if I hurt you Jon." looking at him our eyes connected.

"I hurt myself kid I knew you two were together, and that you love him." he was the only person so far that had said love not loved because god I do I still love him so much blowing out a breath fighting back tears.

"enough of this shit." before I could respond I felt Jon grabbing me and throwing me in the pool "AH JON!" I laughed running my hand over my face covered in chlorine water "alright good." I splashed him laughing while I swam away from him laughing "AH!" I yelled feeling him pull me to him "Jon!" splashing him back.

No ones pov-

Colby smirked watching the two wrestle in the pool "how long until they're hooking up?" nudging Joe to look at the two smirking "shes not ready for that." Lilly spoke up sipping her beer shrugging.

"shes not the one night stand fool around type, shes only ever been with randy." deciding the guys didn't know about their hook ups and to keep it that way "no shit really?" Lilly nodded watching her cousin and her friend her heart aching at the obvious attraction between the two, she couldn't help but smile when she heard Emily laugh without a care before looking back at Colby shrugging her shoulders.

"yea Randy's the only guy to have her entirely and his fucked it up both times." she muttered grabbing the plate of burgers and hot dogs Joe had just finished grilling taking them inside the town house hearing roman call out dinner was done.

EMILY'S POV-

finding myself next to Jon on my couch watching a movie after finishing dinner I felt exhausted but today was a good day "you OK?" he whispered nodding I felt exhausted "I'm just tired, thinking of the mess in the kitchen." Jon chuckled "just take a moment and relax sunshine." smiling at him nodding laying my head on his shoulder, I knew it could be mis leading to him but I just felt comfortable and safe with him, and right now I just wanted to feel comfortable.

Enjoying the rest of the night I found myself happy for a small moment, and for a small moment I couldn't help but wonder what would it had been like if I picked Jon? Would he had left me too? I couldn't explain the connection I've felt with Jon the first day I met him, I've just always been at ease around him "I'm going to clean the kitchen up." I announced breaking the silence, I needed to get away from Jon I couldn't think like that, it wouldn't be fair to either of us at this moment.

I found myself craving to be touched my Jon, kissed to feel what it would be like to be with him, and I knew I'd hate myself for that right now, I was no where near ready for that.

"need any help?" Joe's voice took me out of those thoughts "I'm good just about done." wiping the last bit of the counter "I'm a tad OCD so I would just go over whatever, you did anyways." offering him a smile Joe chuckled nodding his head eyes on me sighing the look I was starting to hate.

"you doing OK?" biting my inner bottom lip sighing I leaned against the counter Joe was another person again the little bit him and I spoke I just felt I could be honest with him.

"I don't get it, hall of fame he proposed." nodding my head at Joe's shocked expression "I couldn't accept at that moment due to my own shit, but he was adamant the moment I could he would ask again, so none of this makes sense to me and I think that's what's hard about it, I know he loves me and I know he wants to be with me, so why do this?"

"Look I know him and Jon has their issues and I'm out of that, but I can say Randy loves you, I mean the guy became less of a prick to deal with when you and him were together, other then him and Jon pissing all over you." scrunching my nose at the expression I had used on randy months ago chuckling a little.

"now his back to being that prick again, I don't know why but I honestly feel he has his reasons and I'm gonna guess its probably something to do with protecting you because the man loves you." biting my lip shrugging my shoulder.

"I guess time will tell right?" was all I could think of, everyone kept telling me how miserable randy is now, and how much he obviously loves me, I found myself getting angry at that attempt to make me feel better at this point.

Samantha told him how terrible I was doing he knows how torn up I am yet he hasn't called, texted not a word other then yelling at me over the truck I didn't want to think or talk about Randy anymore.

"I'm gonna head to bed, thank you for taking you only days to help out." hugging Joe he nodded "not a problem the wife is a little ticked but she understands." smiling "well should've brought her with I probably could've gotten Lana here, her and Jo Jo could've played." Joe grinned nodding "I'll keep that in mind, night Em."

saying goodnight to everyone else I actually felt worn out as I made my way to my bed room sighing laying on my bed I bit my lip opening my phone to his instrgram, I was new to this Samantha had helped me set up all these social media accounts, I hadn't followed him I felt that seemed a little stalker but I'd look every now and then he didn't post to often.

He still had our photos up biting my lip at the two he posted together one of us when I was eighteen laying on his chest it was the same photo Samantha had held onto and then was a similar one from this last year with one word "soul mates." biting my lip, I wanted to comment ask him then how can he just break his soul mate?

DING sighing picking my phone up to see his name my heart pounding fastly "Happy Birthday sweet heart, hope your day was amazing, I love you remember that." frowning at his words as tears burnt my eyes and like any true addict, in a moment of weakness I gave into the craving "I got the flowers, they are beautiful, thank you, I love you, I miss you." biting my lip debating on pressing send, I quickly did, put my phone on silent and turned my back to it, sleep, go to sleep!

A week later-

I groaned running my hand over my face I had gotten Lilly a job at the hospital while she went to school however that meant driving her to and from until we got her license which was not easy with my own work schedule and not too mention I picked something up from the hospital and felt exhausted and sick all day this last week.

Thank fully she had made a friend that offered to give her a ride today so I didn't need to worry about picking her up tonight laying down on my couch pulling a blanket over me my eyes quickly closing.

"Randy." I laughed feeling his lips on the back of my neck "stop it." looking back at him raising his eye brow kissing down my shoulder to my arms "I'm not doing anything." fighting back a smirk "we're taking a bath." I scolded while tilting my neck to give him further access "we are taking a bath, this is us in the bath, I'm just." kissing spots on my neck causing me to close my eyes and let out a moan " cleaning you up." laughing "you always get the best rooms with the best tubs, I'm starting to think you do this on purpose." Shrugging randy held my hand to his playing with my finger tips "sweet heart you need to keep faith in me." frowning at his change of subject looking back him his face serious "Randy-" feeling him put his finger on my lips to quiet me "listen to me, don't ever forget my love for you OK? Everything I do, I do for you, for us, to protect you and to protect us, remember that OK?"

DING DONG

frowning at the noise realizing it was just a dream I sat up hearing my door bell ring again "Mm I'm coming!" I mumbled getting off the couch.

Running a hand over my face I felt exhausted and nauseated still and that dream did not help my current mood what was that?

Ding dong ding dong frowning as I opened my door to see Samantha and Alana "Emily!" hugging my legs tightly grinning at the little girl "hello my Alana." remembering Samantha had asked me to babysit tonight so she can go on a date at least someone can get some love.

"You don't look good." Sam frowned at me opening my door smiling at Randy's daughter I didn't know if I was doing myself more harm then good keeping this little girl in my life but I knew she was keeping me above water right now.

"Emily, I'm so excited for tonight." laughing hugging her back before looking at her mom as she ran happily inside my town house shaking my head.

"I'm just tired, I think I picked something up from the hospital, I feel super nauseous lately." Shrugging my shoulders "do you wanna come in?" I invited her in stepping aside Sam frowned walking inside my house Alana running off to her toys I had set up in the living room.

"do you want anything to drink? I took your advice and got myself a kurig." Grinning at my ex's ex wife shaking her head what a world I live in right?

"a cup of coffee would be good, how long have you been feeling this way?"

shrugging pulling out creamer for us, a cup of coffee would help me push through the night with Lana the girl was "started last week but just hit me hard this last week." Samantha nodded "you and Randy broke up three weeks ago?" why was she asking that? Biting my lip I cleared my throat.

"something like that." I focused on the kurig I decided to just avoid taking about him as much as I could "em do you think you could be?" My heart stopping as Sam start trailing off looking at her eyes wide "no! no it's just a bug I'm sure I caught at the hospital, I work with kids and they are gross, right?" Sam frowned at my panic

"when was your last period?" Biting my lip I couldn't remember "I uh, um." I felt sick and wanted to cry covering my mouth trying to breath, just breath "OK OK, how about when I pick Alana up I will bring you a test and we'll go from there?" Nodding though I knew I couldn't wait that long, and do I tell Randy? Oh my god great it's history all over again, how would I do this alone?

"Hey Emily your not alone OK, I promise you, just try to relax and breath order some pizza, hang out with Alana, its probably a false alarm." biting my lip nodding my head a thousand thoughts racing through my head my eyes widening

"do I tell him or wait?" Samantha shrugged her shoulders "that's up to you, me personally I'd wait to see if there's anything to tell him." nodding my head again just as Lana came running into the kitchen "can we order pizza and watch frozen?" grinning at the little girl I picked her up "of course we can." looking at Sam I offered her a smile "I'll figure it out go enjoy your night." sighing she nodded hugging Alana before giving me a hug "it's gonna work out how its supposed to work out." offering me a reassuring smile before leaving.

"Emily pizza!" Alana grinned at me nodding "well of course, cheesy pizza?" grinning at the little girls excitement, OK I could do this, maybe, but I didn't want to do this without randy, like being with randy I knew he'd take care of our baby of course, I just didn't want to raise our child separate from one another.

Later that night after Sam picked Alana up she had stopped and bought multiple test of different brands we agreed if I needed her with me I could call her but for now I just found myself standing in my bathroom staring at the box's on my bathroom counter.

I felt like that eighteen year old girl again, this couldn't be how this happened, this wasn't even supposed to happen according to the doctors.

I had told Samantha I wasn't ready to test, I really just wanted to be alone to do this if I was being honest with myself I really wanted Randy right now.

I felt so many emotions sighing picking up my phone I bit my lip at his name in my contacts unable to delete his number, if I'm being honest with myself I haven't been able to delete anything of us.

I rationalized I should keep his number in case anything happens to Alana but I knew I just couldn't bear to delete him like that biting my lip I blew out a breath pressing send on the call my nerves shot "mm yea hello." Frowning he was sleeping "hello? Emily, sweetheart." Frowning closing my eyes I took a deep breath "uh hi, sorry I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's OK, what's wrong?" Staring at the pregnancy tests on my bathroom counter I blew out a shaky breath "well, I uh, your ex wife-" frowning "I haven't been feeling well and Samantha got this thought in my head that I could be." I trailed off unable to say the words out loud yet, this was the last thing I needed at this time.

"did you take a test." Biting my lip I shook my head "uh not yet , you know what don't worry about it I'm sure its a bug I caught from work, sorry to of woke you, bye." Quickly hanging up I was not prepared to deal with this so for now I would ignore it like I was ignoring my ringing phone of Randy trying to call me back.

Bed I was just going to go to bed. And ignore this until either my period came and showed me I was just being paranoid or I was ready to pee on one of those sticks, either way I just wanted to sleep right now, sleep it all away, that seemed like a productive mature grown up way to deal with this.

"his beautiful." Smiling at randy who sat on the edge of my hospital bed laying my head against his side "He looks just like you." I whispered looking at him Randy grinned shaking his head "No he looks like you sweet heart, thank you, I told you keep faith in me, we'd have it all."

Ding dong ding dong knock knock knock ding dong ding dong knock knock

Groaning who's as at my door? Stop banging on my damned door!

What the fuck was that dream? Looking at the alarm clock I frowned was it really two in the afternoon? Where was Lilly?

Jesus rubbing my tired face I just wanted to sleep! Wrapping a throw blanket over my body making my way down my stairs feeling irritated at the interruption of sleep ready to fully tear into whoever was on the other side of my door.

"what!"my anger instantly leaving me seeing a very tired Randy Orton at my door "uh er what are you doing here?" Frowning his eyes raked over my body.