[Bebe]

She had been reading enough clinical typed books and working with people in her organization long enough to know that should statements were detrimental. For the most part, she could avoid them or rephrase them, but as with most things that ultimately revolved around Wendy, there were tines she couldn't.

She should have seen the signs. She should have tried harder to talk to her friend when she was clearly pulling away. She should have been a better friend. She should have noticed something was wrong. She should have done better.

Wasn't that the root of all this anyway?
How she had failed her best friend.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, no, that wasn't why. She had begun on this path before Wendy's death.
The beginning..., had probably been a broken, drunken Kenny.
A very long time ago, a night she barely consciously thought of any more.

'She was sitting in her room, 14 years old, a freshman in highschool. She was popular as always, but this particular friday she had opted to stay in and get started on her homework, she was in all advanced classes after all. It was only 10pm when her phone started buzzing, so much, that she assumed it was a phone call, instead though it was a series of texts, from Kenny McCormick.

Only slightly worried, she tapped in the passcode to her phone and slowly her worry escalated as she read through his texts.

"Im so tired of this shit

its always the same

dad and kevin

mom doesnt help

at least karen is at rubys tn

i managed to swipe some of this stupid piss ass beer dad stocks

why do i bother bebe

not like you care tho

you got a life waiting for ya

tf do i have

growing up in this

14 and drinkin like this

not to mention the cigarettes

i was doin it for karen

for a while yknow

but i dont think shes enough anymore

i cant do this anymore

everything hurts

i thought the beer would help

i guess it is'

More texts set her phone buzzing as she frantically typed a reply to him, asking him to calm down, where he was, what he was doing, if he would come over to her house.

'drinkin

starks pond

house too far to walk'

She sent more texts, but minutes went by with no further incoming ones so she hurriedly found a jacket and dashed down the stairs to grab her boots and sent a text to her mom, saying she would be right back, she had to go check on her friend at the pond.

She walked as fast as she could down to the pond, still texting Kenny, despite not getting any replies.

Finally, she made it to the pond and saw him, his bright orange parka the brightest thing in the cold night. She hurried over, he was slumped forward, unmoving. She looked around him, seeing only and empty beer can at his feet. She touched his arm, he didn't move or acknowledge her. She felt for his pulse at his neck, it was strong, his flesh warmed by the alcohol coursing through him.
He was just asleep. She sighed in relief and took her phone back out, calling her dad to come get them.

He sounded sleepy but was instantly alert when she said she needed a ride from the pond. He asked what happened and she briefly said it was her friend, he had drank too much and needed a warm bed.

She sat next to him on the bench as she waited for her dad to come get them.

They didn't have a guest room, so Bebe offered her room and promised to keep the door open. With help from her dad, she got him tucked into her bed and wrapped up warmly in the fuzzy pink comforter.

She sat with her back against the closet, watching him sleep. She had many questions for him, but he was asleep now. She sighed and gathered her homework materials an began trying to resume where she had left off.

She fell asleep after a few hours, waking early as noise from her parents waking woke her, she was stiff from having fallen asleep sitting up but her eyes immediately went to Kenny who was groaning softly at the light that came in through the curtain and the noise her parents were making in the bathroom and kitchen.

"Hey," she closed her books, stacking them neatly and approaching her bed.

He blinked blearily at her.
"Bebe?"

"How are you?" She asked cautiously.

"Hungover," he mumbled, raising his head a moment before letting it fall back down.

"Where am I?"

"My bed," she replied, "Stay and I'll go see what we have that might help."

She wandered downstairs where she asked her dad what to give someone with a hangover, while he grimaced, he told her some water and aspirin.

She brought the items back to Kenny and he slowly sat up and accepted them, sipping on the water.

"Talk to me."

He groaned and hung his head.

"Please."

He didn't say anything or move, for a long time.
Eventually though, he started to talk, low and slow, but at least he was talking.

"The rumors about my family are true. There's a meth lab, my parents sell it and use it. They also, Kevin included, beat each other and me, occasionally Karen, but I take the brunt of it for her. I'm tired. I don't know why drunk me thought it was a good idea to involve you. I'm tired. I don't want to keep doing this. I can't. I need more out of my life than this. But there isn't any more. The guys have tried to help, but I don't want to be a charity case. They don't need to fucking pity me."

His hand on the glass of water is white with tension.

"You and Karen can come here, when it's too much, or whenever really." She offers.

"The guys offer that too. It doesn't change the core problems."

"What do you actually want to do then?"

"Die."

"Is that really all?"

Silence stretches between them. She sits on the end of her bed, looking at him.

"Why text me? Why not any of them?"

He looks away and finally speaks, "Because I wouldn't feel bad dragging you into this because you shouldn't care."

"I do care though. I may not know you very well, outside of the rumors, but I do care."

He's silent again so she continues, "None of us really know how things are at your house, it's always empty platitudes. I'm going to change things, after high school."

"How?"

"I haven't figured out everything yet, but there will be an organization that can help people like your family. The kids, the ones that want out but aren't sure how, the ones that want more."

He scoffs but doesn't argue.
"Thanks..., for last night," he gestures before getting out of bed and asking for the bathroom.'

That night was the first time she had spoken aloud about her plans for the future. Helping Kenny had been the first step. Eventually, they had dated, along with her and Kyle, but they had never worked out, and she hadn't thought they would. Kyle was cold at best and Kenny had eyes for someone else, she didn't fault either of them, it had been high school.
No..., everything had started getting real with Kenny. Wendy..., Wendy was an extremely large crack, her death had burst the careful walls she had raised. Wendy left many unanswered questions, too many. And did they even matter? She was gone, never coming back. That was the end of her story. But how were the rest of them supposed to go on? If Wendy, one of the most prolific people had succumbed, where the hell did that leave the rest of them?
Comparing situations like this was also detrimental, she knew that. But the thoughts remained, what the hell was she doing?

They were all alone anyway, in the end.

She opened spotify and set it to loop "Up All Night" by Blink-182 before getting up from her couch and going to mix a drink. Just something to help her sleep this shitty mood off. Maybe she would feel better in the morning.