For a while, Steve did not see Seren again. Try as he might to catch her, she wouldn't stick around to hear anything he had to say. She avoided him at all costs. When it wasn't possible to run out on him, she was brief and curt and then made her escape. For the first time in his life, and this was saying something, Steve felt like he was losing his mind. His thoughts went from the war and battle plans to thinking about Seren and making things up to her. The only problem is that he had no idea how to make it better.
Bucky warned him that he needed to get it together before he got shot again, this time by the Nazi soldiers. His lack of concentration was proving to be lethal out on the field. Twice Bucky had to intervene to stop Steve from getting hurt during a battle.
"You can't keep going like this forever," Bucky told him one day. "Super soldier or not, you're going to get killed out there and then you'll really lose her." He was right, of course, but Steve still didn't know what to do to fix it.
On occasion, Seren joined the field and even then she barely crossed words with him. With her suit finished, she was able to help the Howling Commandos to great extent. She was unmatched on the field, knocking soldiers down without breaking a sweat. To her credit, she listened to every one of Steve's directions. She never said a word about the incident. She wanted to take down HYDRA as much as he did. A common goal to reach, and they were doing it.
It took Steve a while more to figure out what he could do to hopefully fix things with Seren. And from there, it took him months more to complete it. In the meantime, they fought together against their enemies.
~0~
Seren couldn't admit it to anyone but the time she and Steve spent making plans and fighting on the field helped ease her heartbreak. It didn't feel as raw as it did months ago. She almost caved in December when she learned what Christmas was — almost. Peggy had already talked about the holiday, especially since they were more than likely going to be out in the field that day.
She liked the Christmas trees and the decorative lights and the concept of gift giving to those you loved. She didn't really have money nor the exact knowledge of how to give a gift to someone, not when she had no idea what to buy. That's why she told Peggy and anyone else that she did not expect any gifts from anyone. She was fine that way.
On Christmas morning, the group was tired from a relentless battle the previous night. Seren was exhausted but still couldn't sleep. The nightmares of her time in HYDRA still happened often. Someone knocked on the door of the ruddy building they were staying in that day.
Steve surprised Seren that morning with a cozy breakfast. "Merry Christmas, Seren," he greeted her cheerfully.
"Merry…Christmas…" Seren eyed the bruises on his face and the ones peeking out on his neck. A few soldiers had tried hurting him until she knocked them out. Twice.
"I brought you something sweet to try," Steve said, showing Seren a bag in his hand.
Seren couldn't help eye the bag curiously. "What…what is it?"
"They're called cinnamon rolls. They're like a dessert, but you'll have them for breakfast. Can I come in?"
Seren looked back inside the apartment. "Peggy is still sleeping."
"We'll be quiet," Steve promised. "Please?"
Seren met his eyes and, as much as she wanted to say no, the word never made it out of her mouth. She couldn't do it. Not under those charming eyes of his.
She stepped aside and motioned him to come in. She closed the door and walked with him to the kitchen. They sat down together at the table and in no time, Steve showed her what a cinnamon roll was. Seren thought they were mushy, but Steve encouraged her to try it. She grabbed a fork and cut a slice to taste.
Steve watched her eyes widened and laughed when she started chewing quicker. "You like it?"
Seren had no choice but to confess. "They're delicious," she nodded.
"I'm glad you like them," Steve said with a soft smile. "Merry Christmas, Seren."
Seren became self-conscious under his gaze. "I, um, I didn't get you anything, sorry…"
"That's okay. I hoped you would let me see you today, that's a gift enough."
A tint of red spread across Seren's face. She ducked her head, suddenly realizing she was not dressed very pretty that morning, not at all.
Steve reached a few fingers under Seren's chin and turned her head. "Seren, I am sorry about what happened."
"Steve, you don't actually have to—"
"She caught me off guard. I don't even know her name. Never seen her before and I definitely haven't seen her after."
Steve shouldn't be explaining himself. Seren was well aware of that but hearing him say that he had not seen that woman ever again brought a little flutter back to her heart. She felt his fingers gently rub her chin, then she saw him lean forwards.
Her first instinct was to move back from him. "Thank you for the sweets!"
Steve knew what that meant. A polite 'you can go now'. He sighed, but took the defeat. It didn't feel like a complete loss this time, though. This had been the closest they'd gotten since the night at the pub. If it happened once, it could happen again. Besides, he still had something up his sleeve he was working on.
He wished her a merry Christmas again and left the apartment. Little did he know that Seren almost went after him when he walked out the door.
~0~
The new year started off with a bang against HYDRA. It was like a domino effect. The Howling Commandos were on a roll, taking one HYDRA base after another. They were in Belgium, then Poland, then a few other counties Seren forgot the name of.
HYDRA was flailing on their feet each time the SSR got to their front door. Seren loved seeing their panicked faces just before she was about to punch them. She enjoyed making it clear that she was a force to be reckoned with and she was making it very clear. She especially loved sneaking up on them when they were in the air. A lot of them didn't know she could fly. It made for a great surprise in the air. She left her own team in awe every time she brought a fighter plane down all on her own.
By August, she was well respected within the SSR…and she no longer cared what any of the women there had to say. As it turned out, there were plenty more outside who actually liked her. Although Peggy liked to point out that there was one person who really seemed to like her. Seren told her to be quiet.
"I'm just saying," Peggy smiled her way. They were headed to another meeting in the SSR. "You seem to have figured things out. Been less moody and mopey."
"I'll have you know that I have nothing figured out," said Seren defensively then thought about her words and sighed. Peggy laughed at her. "Oh, shut up."
They were just about to go inside the meeting when Steve called Seren's name. Peggy sent another smile at Seren before slipping inside the room.
"Seren, can I show you something?" Steve held a file in his hand.
"We have a debriefing, Steve," Seren said, nodding at the door beside them.
"It'll be just a minute, I promise." Taking a leap, Steve reached for her hand and walked them a few steps away from the doors.
Seren felt a deep comfort in those seconds that he held her hand. Unfortunately, it stopped soon and she was crossing her arms. "So, what is it?"
"Remember we said maybe you could reach out to your dad?" Steve said, then raised up the folder in his hands.
Seren's eyebrows shot up in record time. "You didn't—"
Steve nodded. "The SSR, as embarrassing as it is, puts me up high so I used my little power to find him. Seren, I found your dad. He's alive."
Seren's eyes flickered from the folder to Steve. "My-my dad?" Steve nodded again. "Seriously?"
Steve chuckled. "Yes. Brooks Soul. He's alive. And he's in New York. We're from the same place, Seren. Both New Yorkers."
Seren could not, for the life of her, move at a quick speed like she tended to…not with this. Her hands reached out for the folder then stopped halfway. Seeing her nerves, Steve helped her out and opened the folder for her. Immediately, Seren saw a photograph of Brooks Soul staring up at her. She lost her breath. He was exactly as her mother had described him. Well built, tall, fluffy hair and colored eyes.
"You look like him," Steve said, tilting her head up just to prove his point.
"My mom said that I had his eyes..." Seren whispered, finally taking the folder into her hands. "This is...this is my dad?"
"Yes," Steve said, "And you were right. He does have a family. A boy and a girl. You have siblings."
Seren was speechless. Her stomach was in knots. Her father was alive and she had younger siblings. There was more to her family — if they wanted to be her family. "Is he—"
"He's widowed," Steve told her like he'd read her mind. She looked up at him, still seeming mortified at the answer. "His wife died from pneumonia."
"Pneumonia?" Seren repeated the word with a scrunched nose.
"It's — it's a common thing nowadays, unfortunately. Are you…are you okay?" Steve knew it had to be a lot to take in. He didn't want to push her into accepting the reality if she wasn't ready for it. "If you want, we can send someone to his place and—"
"No!" Seren exclaimed, horrified. "I mean — I just — I'm not quite…I'm not ready yet."
Steve smiled lightly at her. "I understand. I was only going to suggest we send a pair of eyes over to New York so they can scope out the situation. They'd report back without ever making contact with Brooks."
"Oh…" Seren visibly calmed with the clarification. "I…I guess that would be okay."
"Great, I'll let them know then." Steve made to leave when Seren grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. She jumped and hugged him, leaving Steve like a statue for a few seconds.
"Thank you for doing this," she murmured against his shoulder. "It means a lot."
Steve slowly wrapped his arms around her. "I'm always here for you, Seren. And…and I'm sorry."
The apology made Seren draw back from him, although her free hand remained on his arm. "I think you've apologized enough — maybe for the next century or so."
"I just need you to understand that it wasn't supposed to happen," Steve said sternly. He couldn't live knowing that she thought the worst about him. "You have no idea how miserable I've been these past months..."
Luckily for him, Seren saw the honesty in his eyes. "I understand. Let's just…Let's just move on, yeah? I think in the grand scheme of Nazis and HYDRA, there's a lot more important matters to deal with."
Steve nodded. It was another win for him.
"Meeting?" Seren pointed at the double set doors behind them.
"Yeah." Steve took her hand, hiding his smile as he led her to the room.
~0~
With time, Seren learned to be careful about her feelings and how she expressed them. She was experiencing new things constantly and sometimes she came out as 'too over the top'. Unfortunately, her feelings about the past were also a problem to her. Regulating emotions as a whole was a hard task, especially when some of them came out through nightmares. She thought that with time they would stop. After all, it had been almost a year since she left HYDRA's clutches and they had not come close to touching her since then. Yet there were still nights that were filled with memories of some of the worst moments she experienced in HYDRA's facilities. She screamed and cried herself awake, and sometimes she woke up Peggy.
Tonight she was lucky—ish.
Peggy hadn't been there when Seren screamed at the top of her lungs and bolted from her bed. For some reason, lying down made it worse. She felt like it was due to the fact she'd been forced down on a medical bed to be experimented on countless times for hours. Whatever it was, she couldn't stand being in bed after a nightmare, making it very hard to go back to sleep.
Seren felt like she was suffocating — trapped in her room. She didn't want to admit that had happened several times before where a room made her feel like she was asphyxiating. It wasn't real, she wasn't being robbed of air, and she definitely wasn't being experimented on, but she needed to get out of there.
She changed into clothes more presentable for outside and left the apartment altogether. She didn't make it out to the streets, just to the front steps of the building. She just needed air…free air. She had no idea what time it was but she heard the commotion of the pub nearby and wondered if Peggy was still there. Ever since her last visit to the pubs, Seren decided that it wasn't really her kind of place. She often stayed behind and tonight she was glad she had. Nobody heard her scream.
She sat by herself on the steps, focusing on calming down. It was the hardest part each time, having to ground herself and remember that it was all in the past now…for the most part. She looked down at herself, bringing a hand on her chest — it wasn't completely gone.
Her heart sank. No, it wasn't gone. There would always be reminders about that horrible year.
What would she tell her mother when she got home? (Because she had hope that one day, she would be able to return to Celessia and see her mother). Would she show her mother? What would her grandmother say? Would the fact that she'd been captured by humans be another reason to be seen as weak? Would her family be ashamed of her weakness?
"Seren? Is that you?" A voice startled Seren out of her thoughts and when she looked up, she saw it was Bucky coming down the street. He must be coming back from the pub.
"Hi Bucky," Seren put on her best smile to avoid being caught, but it seemed of no use. When Bucky got closer, he stopped and ducked to catch Seren's eyes.
"Oh, doll, have you been crying?"
"Huh?" Seren's hands came to her face and felt the tears he spoke of. "I'm…it's okay."
"I don't think so," Bucky shook his head. "You want me to get Steve? He's back at the pub but I'll be quick, promise—"
"No!" Seren stopped him as soon as he turned away from her. "Don't — don't get Steve! I'm…I'm okay, honest. I just had a bad dream, that's all."
"Bad dream enough to make you come out here and sit all alone?"
Seren sighed and nodded.
Bucky felt like this was the moment he should go back and get Steve. He just didn't want to further upset Seren. With a sigh, he walked up the steps and sat down beside her. "You wanna talk about it?" Seren side-glanced him, confused. Bucky met her eye and shrugged. "Better than holding it in," he told her.
Seren shook her head. "I think you of all people wouldn't want to hear about it."
"Me? Why me…?" Bucky stared at her until it donned on him. "It's about HYDRA, isn't it?" Seren started biting on her bottom lip. Bucky cursed under his breath — something he apologized for — and sighed about. "I can't wait to see the whole thing burning to the ground."
"Mm…me too…" Seren nodded. Silence fell over the two after that and it took Seren a while to be brave enough to talk about it. "Do you ever…dream about that time?" Bucky looked at her again. She didn't dare do the same. "I can't seem to stop. Just when I go days without nightmares, they come back. And they're so vivid. I-I can feel them touching and cutting my skin and I can…" She swallowed hard. "Their laughs are seared in my head forever. Their horrid promises about my future within HYDRA."
Everything she said, Bucky felt and understood perfectly. He heard his own screams in his nightmares. Like Seren, he didn't do much about them. He couldn't.
Seren finally looked at him and by that time, it was him who was staring straight ahead of them. "You know what I mean…" He nodded.
"They didn't cut me the way they did to you," he said quietly, lowering his head. "But they gave me my own personal hell."
"Do you dream about them too?'
"Yeah."
"What do you do?"
"Nothing," Bucky admitted and apologized to her with a small smile. "Have a drink, although that's not been really working for me lately. Like I can't get drunk."
Seren took that note of information quietly. She swallowed hard. "Bucky, you and I both know that there was a reason Zola used you a lot. There's a reason we were in the same room so many times."
Bucky seemed to want to nod but he just couldn't do it. He wasn't quite ready to admit to the truth.
Seren moved a hand on his arm. "I may not know a lot about this world, but this I do. If you can't get drunk…"
"I know," Bucky's eyes fell shut. "I know, Seren."
Seren felt a pang of guilt for him. She knew she shouldn't feel anything like that. Zola didn't exactly ask for her permission to use her body to experiment on humans…just like he didn't ask Bucky whether or not he wanted to have Celessian transfusions.
"Have you…is there anything else that's manifested?" she asked him quietly.
Bucky shook her head. "No. I mean…I do notice that I'm a bit stronger than I used to be. Can't get drunk. I heal quicker."
"I don't know much about these things but do be aware that things can start manifesting today, tomorrow, years from now."
"Yeah, I figured as much," Bucky nodded. "Can you do me a favor, though?"
"Anything."
"Could you not mention it to Steve? Or anyone else for that matter."
Seren half smiled. "Of course. Can I ask the same from you, though? Peggy already gets concerned whenever I have nightmares and I don't have the heart to tell her that her medicine doesn't work for me."
Bucky matched her smile. "Of course, doll. But listen, anytime you have a nightmare, you can come knock on our door anytime, alright? I'll have a chat with you and I'm sure Steve would too."
Seren chuckled. "No, I won't take your sleep away. You guys are so busy, you need to rest."
"Mm, trust me, Steve would kick himself if he knew you're having nightmares so often. You know he's like a lost puppy after you, right?" Seren blushed and looked away. "Aaaand…" Bucky made a point to catch her gaze no matter what, even if he had to lean so forward that he almost fell off the step, "He's been a lot chippier ever since you forgave him for that, uh, incident with Lorraine."
"Who's Lorraine?"
Bucky chuckled. "The woman you caught him with."
"How do you know her name?"
Bucky smirked.
Seren audibly groaned. "Of course! Does she just grab everyone and kiss them!? I mean…you guys are all single and whatever but—"
"Easy there, doll, breathe," Bucky rested a hand on her arm. "Trust me, after you strung Steve out, he's keeping every woman at arm's length."
"Well…I didn't ask him to go that far. He's…he's allowed to talk to anyone he wants."
"Mm, yeah," nodded Bucky, "But he wants to make sure he can keep talking to you. Between you and me, Seren, he's a good guy. I won't lie, he has no clue about women, but he's never really wanted to try as much as he wants to try with you."
"Why?" The question flew out of Seren's mouth, and was very incredulous at that too. "I'm not — I'm not extraordinary by any means. I don't understand half the things that go on around me. I mean, I'm the one who kissed him after the first real conversation we had. I didn't even think things through."
Bucky laughed. "Trust me, Steve was not complaining one bit."
Seren sighed. "Before this place — before this whole planet — I didn't have to do any thinking about this kind of stuff. I didn't exactly have a lot of, uh, admirers at home. It's hard to believe that the first person I actually like also likes me back. Too good to be true, you know?"
"You better believe it, and if not…hold on…" Bucky raised a finger at her and stood up from the step.
"Where are you…?" Seren watched him head inside the building without saying another word. Confused, she looked up at the sky. She wished her mother was around to give her some advice. You must know exactly what this feels like, mom.
She sat alone for a few minutes until she heard the doors behind her opening. Looking back, Bucky was coming out with a rolled up paper in his hands.
"He's gonna kill me for this," he said as he sat back down next to her. "And if that happens, you gotta promise me you'll defend me."
"What…?" Seren laughed.
"Well, he's not gonna hurt you. Gotta use that to our advantage." Bucky held out the rolled-up paper to her. "Take a look."
Seren raised an eyebrow at the paper. "What is it?"
"Did you know Steve draws?"
"Uh, no…?" Seren said slowly. Her heart began to pick up its beat the more she stared at the paper.
"It's about the only activity he was able to do when we were growing up. He couldn't run out of breath doing it and he couldn't break a bone either. He's been drawing all his life. Here." Bucky pushed the paper into Seren's hands.
Seren took in a breath and slowly unrolled the paper. She stopped breathing for a moment seeing herself on the paper. She was sitting on a rooftop gazing up at the stars. There were miniature stars surrounding her body like she was the creator of them.
Seren suddenly felt like she was holding the world's most prized picture in her hand and she needed to be very gentle with it.
"He'll kill me but if you guys get together, he'll owe me," Bucky said, sounding triumphant. "You guys can name your first child after me."
Seren side-glanced him. There was a bit of shine in her eyes. "Did you take this from him?"
"Nah, just made fun of him for it yesterday," Bucky shrugged. "He keeps all that stuff in a notebook."
"It's beautiful," Seren said, gazing at the picture again.
"He has talent," agreed Bucky. "You can tell him that when you return it to him. Or you can keep it. Sure he wouldn't mind."
"Bucky, I can't keep this…" Seren said, even though her heart ached at the thought of giving the picture back. No one had ever drawn her before.
"Why not? It's yours," Bucky said, nudging her until he got a smile out of her. "C'mon now, doll, talk to him. And if he messes up again, I'll give him a punch or two on your behalf."
Seren couldn't help but laugh. "He's your best friend!"
"And you're my friend too," Bucky said. "Plus, we may or may not be blood-related now. That goes deep, you know?" He started getting up from the step. "Do you want me to walk you upstairs?"
Seren shook her head. "I think I'll stay out here a couple more minutes."
"Okay, have a good night then. And, seriously, knock on the door if you need anything, alright?"
Seren smiled up at him. "Thanks, Bucky. Really." He smiled back and headed inside the building, leaving her to contemplate.
~ 0 ~
Howard promised Seren that before the year ended, he would have something concrete for her to use to communicate with her mother. Unfortunately, he didn't deliver until January of the following year. They were based in Switzerland this time, and Howard had been kind enough to travel out and meet with Seren.
Seren was with him in his lab all day trying to fix the kinks of the machine he set up. It was supposed to communicate past the Earth's atmosphere using Seren's own abilities.
"But I can't actually speak into it, can I?" Seren asked Howard once he finished explaining.
"Think of it as a beacon," he said to her, "It'll grasp your powers — which is a unique set of abilities — and send it out to space. The more you use your powers, the farther your transmission will go. Well, it's what I intend."
Seren smiled at him. "I'm willing to try anything as long as I don't have to get poked or anything."
"None of that, my friend," Howard assured her and brought her to the next table. "You'll deposit a bit of your powers into this," he gestured to the odd contraption sitting on the table, "and it'll start from there. So, what do you think?"
"I'm impressed," Seren admitted. "I'm…I'm so very grateful to have you in my life, Howard Stark."
Howard let out a laugh. "Don't let the Captain hear that. He'll take it the wrong way."
Seren blushed. "I…have no idea what you mean."
Howard gave her a sharp, teasing look as he moved back to the beacon. "Well, either way, I still make no promises that it'll work. I've never sent anything out to space, much less past our own orbit."
"I'm still thankful that you're trying," Seren said, turning with him. "If my mother gets even a blip of this beacon, she'll know it's me."
And it was with that confidence that she followed Howard's directions and shot her power into the holder. Howard then started the process of absorbing the power into the beacon to then — hopefully — send their message to the sky.
"Did it work?" Seren asked Howard, eyes wide as they gazed up at the ceiling. There was no visible scorch on the ceiling, no trace to tell her whether or not the message was sent.
"I don't know," Howard replied earnestly. "But the good news is we can keep sending the message over and over."
"Thanks, Howard," Seren said. "Could we try again tomorrow?"
"Of course," Howard nodded. "But for now, I think you should go rest. I can drop you off back at the apartment, if you'd like."
"Thanks, but I think I'm going to hang back. Steve and the others are supposed to be in any minute now."
"Ah," Howard was smirking all over again, causing a bright red to spread across Seren's face.
"I-I felt guilty for not being able to go help!" she said defensively. "I want to make sure that-that everything went well."
"Mm, okay."
"Howard."
Howard grinned and went on his way. Seren did the same and left the lab in a hurry. Almost immediately, she crashed into Peggy.
"Woah, hey! Sorry!" Seren smiled and stepped back from Peggy. "Are they back yet?"
Peggy nodded and that was when Seren saw the strange glint in her eyes. And the familiar report folder in her hands. It seemed like there was something Peggy wanted to say.
"What is it?" Seren's heart dropped to her stomach. "Who is it?"
Peggy handed Seren the folder for her to read. Seren nearly ripped the folder to get to the report. Once she saw the summary, Seren's eyes flickered up from it.
"Where is he?"
~ 0 ~
Peggy told Seren the owner had been kind enough to keep open late for them given the circumstances. Still, they both knew that the owner would eventually want to close and he couldn't do that if he was one persistent customer with a bottomless pit of a stomach. Seren walked into the pub quietly, eyes attentive for anything and everything. There was no mess, no sign of there ever having been a customer. There was just Steve at the counter, drinking away.
He heard her footsteps drawing closer to him but didn't look back. "Doctor Erskine — the creator of the serum — told me the serum wouldn't just work on my muscles and my reflexes. He said it would work in my cells, create a protective system of healing, of regenerating. I can't tell you how much I wish I could be drunk right now."
Seren stood beside him now, watching him somberly drown the remainder of his drink. "It's all in the metabolism. Human alcohol just doesn't have the kick your metabolism needs to slow down. I figured that out the first time I went to a pub."
"Did Peggy send you in?"
"She just told me where you'd be. Thought I come by and…" she sighed lightly, "…see how you were doing."
Steve held up his now empty glass. Before the bartender could come by, Seren took the glass out of his hand and set it behind her.
"I'm sorry," she said, "If I had gone, I could have helped."
"I was there. I should have been able to help him."
"I read the report, Steve. What were you supposed to do? Jump after him?"
Steve gave a bob of his head and for the first time in a long time, Seren felt a rush of anger start in her chest. "No!" she snapped.
He looked at her, brows furrowed. "He fell from the train, Seren. He just — he screamed as he fell down to his death. I won't ever be able to get that out of my head."
"And trust me, I know what it's like carrying screams in your head forever," Seren argued. "But you thinking that you should have died with him is not the solution."
"I got in over my head. Bucky waded in and pulled me out, just like he always did. And the one time he needed me to return the favor, I couldn't."
"It's not like you didn't try."
"All I had to do was hold him, Seren. That's it. All the strength in the world at my fingertips and he slipped right through."
"Bucky died, yes, but he died knowing that you were there trying to save him," Seren said. "And you sulking here with drinks that won't do a damn thing for you is definitely not what Bucky would have wanted."
Steve shook his head. He had plenty to say, plenty of hurtful and lashing-out words, but he held his tongue because it was Seren. It felt like it had been just a minute ago that he chewed Bucky's head off for talking to Seren about him. Bucky had straight up laughed in his face and called him a punk for being such a coward.
If you don't ask her out on a date, I will just to make a point.
"She'd have to like you for her to say yes," Steve snapped.
"Ooh, he has come-backs now. Ask her when you see her again or I'll punch you."
Steve met Seren's gaze. She was waiting for him to say something, looking peeved. If she walked out on him, then he'd be really alone. Bucky was his family and he was gone. Seren was someone he literally stumbled into and he couldn't bear the idea of losing her too.
"Seren, I…" He choked on his words, the feelings rising up in his throat like bile.
Seren's expression softened in seconds. "Steve, why don't we go back to the apartment? We can keep talking there." Although something told her that what he needed was to sleep.
Steve nodded and slid off his stool. He took her hand like his life depended on it and together they walked out. Neither one said a word on the walk back. Seren walked him to his apartment and noticed Steve lingering with his key in hand.
The apartment is empty, she realized. He hadn't stepped inside since the whole thing.
"Do you…do you want me to come in with you?" she asked him gently.
Steve nodded silently. He couldn't put the key in the hole, couldn't even move his hand. Seren had to do it for him and even lead him inside.
Steve had to focus on his breathing for the first few minutes. The last time he'd left the place was with Bucky. They walked out together, assuming they'd return together.
"I don't…I don't even know where his body is…" He said, voice sounding detached. "He just fell and I…I didn't even…"
Seren walked over to him and hugged him. Steve hugged her right back — clung to her in a matter of seconds.
"I didn't even get his body back…" He murmured in her hair. "He had a family…"
Seren felt the top of her head grow wet from his tears. She hugged him tighter, rubbing her hands up and down his back. She felt the tears start in her eyes too.
~ 0 ~
Steve's eyes fluttered open and saw the crummy ceiling of his living room. He brought a hand to his face, rubbing up and down until he was more lucid. It was only when he tried to move that he really woke up. He couldn't get up from the couch. There was an extra weight on him in the form of a 5'5 brunette woman.
Steve remained like a statue for a good five minutes. Seren slept soundly on him, her head on his chest with her hands tucked in-between. Her hair was sprawled all over her back, little by little trickling on her sides each time she breathed in and out.
Steve remembered last night slowly but surely. Seren stayed with him to comfort him and listen to whatever he had to say. There were no more drinks since the pub. And then they fell asleep on the couch.
In another moment, maybe he would have freaked out and jumped off the couch and made some excuse up when Seren inevitably woke up. Today, he just didn't have the energy to.
He brought his arms around Seren's back, though he moved one hand down to smooth out a part of her dress that had ridden up a bit. He let Seren continue to sleep peacefully. He had no idea what time it was and didn't personally care. That moment right there was the tranquility he needed in his life right now. He was grateful that the moment last for a long while. He began to feel Seren waking up but even then he didn't make a move to get up. Maybe he wanted to see what she would do…
Seren woke up slowly and, like Steve before, it took her a while to figure out where she was.
You were talking with Steve and then… She lifted her head and came face to face with charming blue eyes.
Steve didn't have much to say so he just waved a hand at her. It must have not been that bad of an idea because she started giggling.
She rested her head on his chest for another moment while her laugh slowly faded. "Good morning…"
"Good morning," Steve promptly returned. "Thank you for staying with me."
"Of course, though I'm sorry you became a human pillow."
"I'm not."
Seren raised her head again to meet his gaze. A blush started spreading over her face.
"I slept very well," Steve continued. He brought one of his hands to her cheek. "Thank you for that. Don't think I would've slept any other way."
"I-I'm glad you're feeling better…" Seren said, deciding to get off Steve for her own sanity.
Steve was prepared for the loss of the moment but was determined to make that morning the first of many. "Seren—"
"Do you want breakfast?" Seren asked. "I've been practicing and I haven't burned anything in a while."
Steve smiled to himself. "I, yeah, but…" He reached for her hand before she moved to stand from the couch. Seren watched his fingers lace with hers. "Thank you for staying with me."
"Of course," she nodded. "I want you to feel okay. I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh last night at the pub."
"No, you…you were right…" Steve admitted. "I'm just angry and hurt and…I could have run my mouth until someone stepped in. I'm glad it was you."
Seren flashed him a smile, telling him that she would be there anytime he needed to be told to stop talking. Steve laughed. He didn't imagine himself laughing so quickly after losing Bucky, but Seren was the impossible and she did the impossible.
He squeezed her hand and met her eye. She got the feeling he wanted to say something and so stayed quiet.
"Bucky was a pain on my backside," he said, startling Seren. That wasn't what she was expecting from him.
"Oh, I…" She didn't even know what to say.
Steve smiled at her confused face. "He could run his mouth too, and he always did with me. He told me things how they were no matter what. If I was being stupid, he'd tell me it. And lately, that's all he told me I was being. Stupid."
"Um…sorry?" Seren said, making him laugh.
"Seren, he was telling me that I was being stupid because I wasn't doing anything to ask you on a date!"
"Oh…oh…" Seren's eyes went slightly wide. Her blush returned in full force. She suddenly remembered that she had not brushed her hair and her clothes were all wrinkly. "I…I can't imagine being asked on a date looking like this…"
Steve shook his head at her. "I think you're perfect. Morning, afternoon, night — you're perfect all the time."
Seren doubted that and made sure he knew about it. "Thanks for the compliment."
"What I'm trying to say — because I hope I've been clear so far — is that I would really like to take you out somewhere."
Seren started to smile at him. She was sure that her face was bright red. Steve thought that she looked so pretty right there.
"I, um, I heard there was this place, um…" Seren felt awkward just talking right now. "It was, um, they sold like more of those cinna—things?"
Steve laughed softly. "You mean cinnamon rolls?"
Seren snapped her fingers. "Yes! They were really good the last time I tasted them. Could we go there?"
"Absolutely," Steve said, loving her excitement. He'd do anything to make her happy. And seeing her happy right now made him want to scoot over and just—
Seren kissed him first (again) and when she realized her ongoing pattern, she went to pull back. She had to stop being so impulsive but then Steve grabbed her head and brought her lips to his. Very quickly they remembered what it'd been like to taste each other's lips so long ago. Everything around them seemed to get farther and farther, including the worst that happened.
Steve pulled Seren on his lap and moved one hand to the back of her head, burying it in her hair. She had already wrapped her arms around his neck to be close to him. There wasn't another way to be any closer than they already were, but they tried to find one anyways. It was only when Seren felt fingers roaming on her sides that she willed herself to come clean about everything beforehand.
If it's going to matter, might as well rip off the bandage now. And so as much as it pained her, she broke apart from him.
"Steve?" She murmured on his upper lip. She was one slip away from resuming their kiss.
"Mhm?" Steve blinked, dazed.
"Um, there's…I really like you," Seren said, earning a smile from him. He touched her cheek and placed a kiss on her lips.
"Me too," he said.
"But…HYDRA…it…it really messed with me." Seren wanted to honor Bucky by taking his advice and she would do it, even if it was about the hardest thing she had to do. "I've…I've had nightmares about them and…and what they did to me."
Steve could only imagine the horrors she had to have gone through. "If you want to talk about them, I'm here. But Seren," he cupped her face, "I promise you that they are never going to touch you again."
"It's just…they already did..." Seren sighed, swallowing hard as she prepared for what came next. "I was their favorite subject because with me, they fueled most of their other experiments. Bucky, he…he took a lot of it. He and I talked one night and…you should know there was a good chance that they managed to transfuse some of my blood into his."
Judging by the horrified look on Steve's face, Bucky had not told him a thing. "What does that…what did that mean…?"
Seren could only shrug. "I'm not sure. I think they wanted to replicate my powers and enhance it with the Tesseract. It's impossible, it's supposed to be anyways. Bucky never told me if it worked. He just exhibited more of your kind of abilities. The super healing, inability to get drunk..."
"Well he never told me," Steve said. Just one more crime to add under HYDRA'S name.
"Did he show you the scars? Because I know that he had to have had some."
Steve raised an eyebrow at her. "No…?"
Seren nervously bit on her bottom lip. "Can I show you mine?" Before Steve could process the question, Seren unbuttoned the front buttons of her dress.
Steve was too stunned to speak or move. His eyes followed Seren's fingers until he had a clear sight of her chest. One long scar went down her sternum, half of it hidden under her bra. Then, there were other scars near it, some in plain sight and others peeking out from under her bra again.
Steve had been angry plenty of times in his life, way too many to count, but today he was furious. Raging. If he had Zola in front of him, Steve was sure that he would kill him.
Seren let out one long, shaky breath. "I'm damaged. Scarred — literally. And there's more, so…it's not a pretty sight."
"No, it's not," Steve agreed, his voice low.
Seren ducked her head. Maybe it was too good to be true.
"It's what we allowed HYDRA to get away with because we had no idea," Steve continued. "And I am so sorry, Seren." He hooked a finger under her chin and raised her head. "But I swear to you, I'm going after Johann Schmidt and every single HYDRA agent in league with him. I'm going to burn out every hole there is for them to hide in. And I'm not going to stop until he and all of Hydra are captured or dead. And Zola? If I get the opportunity, I won't hesitate to strangle him."
Seren listened for as long as she could until tears broke loose. She threw her arms around him and hugged him. Steve held her in his arms, feeling her body shake with her quiet tears. There were plenty of things to be angry about, and he was, but none of it seemed to matter when Seren was like this. He set a series of kisses in her hair, murmuring that it would be alright — that they would be alright. She would be safe with him, cared for and protected.
They stayed like that for a while, until Seren's tears stopped flowing and she was able to calm herself down. She lifted her head off Steve's shoulder and leaned back to see him. She said nothing at first, instead raising her hands to his face. Her fingers gently traced his skin while she studied every last bit of him.
She'd never been that close to a man — to anyone. Looking at Steve, she couldn't imagine feeling the way she did for anyone else but him. Maybe it was naive of her to think like this considering Steve really was the first man she got to know. She had a nagging suspicion that her grandmother would say something like that. It would go something like "You can't fall for the first person you meet", and what would she say to Atria when it was true. You shouldn't fall for the first person you see.
"But he's not the first person I've met" Seren would argue back. She had met a few "suitable" men in her life before, all of them brought by her own grandmother of course, and Seren had denied every single one. Most of them were kind — with a few rotten ones in the middle — but none of them had really stood out to her.
"He's human!" Atria would most definitely argue.
"He is." And Seren would say it with the fondest feeling in her voice, and heart.
It seeped through her expression at the moment, a soft smile tugging at her lips. It was infectious because it had Steve matching it with his own in less than a minute.
"I love you," Seren said, bashfully once she heard her own words. You're being fast again. She had all of these feelings bubbling up inside her and Steve might not even be there yet.
Steve's smile spread. With all the ache he felt, he never imagined that his heart could actually melt right now. "I love you," he replied, unknowingly easing Seren's nerves.
"You lo— you do?" Seren's entire face lit up.
Steve chuckled. "Yes, a lot actually."
Seren couldn't possibly radiate any more happiness than she was right now. She mashed her lips with his for a kiss, holding Steve's face on either side. She could feel his smile on her and his fingers making a curious path down her chest. They curled around the first unbuttoned button and the other side. He buttoned her dress up for her then left a last kiss on her lips.
He caressed the side of her face, admiring her. He couldn't wait to do so many things with her. It was the fact he could even think about a life after everything that happened that made it so clear to him that what he felt for Seren was strong as hell.
~0~
The next several days were long and filled with work. Steve wanted a clear plan of action as quickly as possible. The only hard part is that a lot of it depended on what Arnim Zola had to say about HYDRA. Seren shared many of his goals but one thing she needed was to know exactly what was going to happen to Zola now that he was in their custody.
Zola had given them enough information to know Schmitt's last attack, which was no joke. The team gathered together in headquarters to discuss how they would proceed.
"Johann Schmidt belongs in the bughouse. He thinks he's a God and he's going to blow up half the world to prove it." Phillips stood before the team's strategic map and placed a finger over the U.S. "Starting with the U.S.A."
"That's insane," Dum Dum said incredulously.
"So's Hitler, but he's gotten pretty far with less than Schmidt has," Peggy remarked.
"But Hydra would need millions of men, fleets of transport," said Howard, "They'd have to be fed, fueled—"
"Schmidt has the Tesseract," Seren said, crossing her arms. "That's all he needs to fuel his army. That thing should've never seen the light of day." She gazed at the map with burning eyes. The States is where her father was. She had yet to meet him and she already wanted to keep him as safe as possible.
"If he gets across the Atlantic, he'll wipe out the entire eastern seaboard in an hour," Howard said.
"And every able-bodied man we have is either here or in the Pacific. Our borders are wide open," Steve said quietly. He felt like he should've seen this coming beforehand. It was the perfect strategy to employ and yet they were only just seeing it now.
"How much time have we got?" asked Jones.
"According to my new best friend, under twenty-four hours," Phillips said.
"Where is he now?" Steve asked, leading Phillips to point a photograph on their map they collected from their spies. "Hydra's last base is here, in the Alps...Five hundred feet below the surface."
None of this pleased the group.
Morita stepped over to get a closer look at the photograph. "Well, what are we supposed to do? It's not like we can just knock on the front door."
Everyone fell silent. There was a heavy air in the room as everyone ultimately glanced in the same direction. Steve wasn't sure if he expected the last word to fall on him…and he didn't know if Seren expected him to look at her…but he did. Luckily, she smiled at him and eased the knots in his stomach.
"Respectfully," she spoke and raised both her fists in front of her, each one enveloped with a bright glow of star matter, "I think we can."
A/N:
We're getting to the good part and is it crazy to think of an AU off an AU? It's crazy. It's definitely crazy.
P.S. As always, I have an AO3/Wattpad account under "noblecrescent" and a tumblr account under "saiilorstars" if you'd like to follow :)