A/N: Thanks again for the patience with this busy time in my life. Poka I couldn't agree more with the twisty and turny story line at his point. That's what's taking me a bit of time to edit before posting. I have to keep checking my timelines to make sure I'm not getting myself turned around. We're about to get to my favorite part of this series and can't wait to dedicate more time to finishing this series up!

Chapter 15: Disordered Order

Friday, July 18, 1980 | Department of Mysteries

The parchment full of abhorrent recommendations lay discarded on the table in the Department of Mysteries library. It made Dumbledore's stomach revolt at the strategy Hermione had dispassionately laid out. As hard as it was to accept her logic, the most disturbing implications was that he had made similar choices in her past. Not with as much knowledge. He couldn't decide if that was worse.

"...we can't know for sure," Hermione was saying, laying out in painful detail all the possible scenarios she had worked through.

His back was toward her, looking into the fire as it popped and hissed, indifferent to her indifference.

"Albus," she finally said, aware he wasn't entirely listening. "I know this sounds cold. It's the best way we can ensure Voldemort is defeated in the battle at Hogwarts."

Hearing the strain in her voice, he knew she was barely holding herself together. The memories from her other life had to be changing her outlook. He didn't know how they couldn't. Lowering his head, he took a breath, tried to be patient with her. "You love this man?"

"With every fiber of my being," she said without hesitation.

Finally, he turned to face her again. She was still pale. The evidence of the truth of her words. She blocked the killing curse. Her spell, fueled by her love for Harry, protected not only him, but Lily too. He crossed the distance to the table and picked up the thick parchment, "Then why do you want me to allow this all to happen?"

She brushed her hair back from her face in frustration. "It's not about allowing something to happen. This is about you understanding the events that were necessary to defeat Voldemort."

"I think we can acknowledge that my future is already changed thanks to Tom. We're over a year ahead of schedule. The number of things that will change by next October will be astronomical, let alone eleven years from now."

He sat and she motioned toward the time chamber. They had spent all morning inside it with Fiona and Gilford dissecting and interpreting the timeline from the future tempus semita. Nothing was settled. "The little things, yes. The big things, those are hard to change. Especially this far back in time. It's like trying to blow a feather from off the top of a mountain while standing at its base," she explained, knowing he understood the principles of arithmancy just as well, if not better than her. The butterfly effect was of course a real phenomenon. More prevalent was the experience she had. Somethings were just simply meant to happen. Changing those circumstances took monumental effort. Time traveling was a variable she hadn't completely factored into to the principle. "The universe will have eleven years to reassemble itself in time for Harry's first year. If Tom is out of the equation, it might sort itself out."

"Just having this knowledge will change how I approach situations. It would be better to have a plan for the scenarios that aren't dependent on specific events."

"That's in the second scroll," she said, turning back to the document she prepared.

He leaned closer, put his hand on hers to still her movements. "If the feather never finds its way to the mountain, you're just wasting your breath no matter how improbable the effort is."

The fear of the implication was visible. They sat together in silence. "If Harry isn't a horcrux he doesn't have the connection to the dark lord and he doesn't have the protections."

Dumbledore nodded. He only knew what she told him about the unintended horcux. The protections she outlined were the only reasons he could fathom that would allow him to put a child in Voldemort's reach multiple times. Then he considered Hermione and knew that was just a comforting thought that broke down with the slightest scrutiny.

She continued, unaware of his internal conflict, "He speaks parseltongue. But only while the horcrux is inside him. You'll know if Voldemort's damaged soul was close enough to Lily to leave behind a piece. And you'll know who came to possess that piece of soul by the time he can talk. Or until Lily encounters a snake. I wouldn't trust it's really attached to her until the baby is born."

"And then I just let Harry fight our battles?"

"Obviously there are things I don't know. I got the sense that you were never too far away from Harry. At the castle anyway. I'm not saying everything can, should, or will play out the way it had. I'm just identifying the events that were necessary for the destruction of the horcruxes. The safest way to do that is to let your future unfold as much as it had in my past as possible."

Find the dark magic tying Voldemort to the mortal plane. Destroy the dark magic. That's what it all came down to. He had eleven years to do that. If he was unsuccessful, he'd take that as a message from the universe to do it her way.

When he didn't present any new protests, she turned her attention back to her notes. As she looked over the events, a sadness settled on her. "Letting something happen isn't the same as doing the thing," she said quietly.

"Isn't it?"

Before she could answer, a memo flew into the library and landed on Dumbledore's lap. Unfolding it, scanned the contents and felt some tension leave him. He handed it to her. "A modification to the archival spell. I consulted a historian."

"We can separate the memories?" she asked with hope, read the directions thoroughly. "A focusing crystal. That's a unique solution. Simple really. The two sets of memory will have different vibrations resulting from the residue attached to them."

"I didn't tell her the nature of the protection potion. Just enough to help her understand the condition," he explained. "I think we should do it today. Start it today. The sooner those memories are gone the easier it will be for you to…" he trailed off not wanting to insult her.

"The easier it will be for me to think rationally?" she supplied.

He shook his head. "I am not doubting your logic. Just the experiences influencing you."

Hermione didn't challenge him. She gathered up her parchments and quill, stuffing it all into her messenger bag. "I'll disapparate from the event horizon. You have a crystal to buy," she said, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

They weren't pleasant. Despite his best efforts to leave the notion of the greater good behind him, it forced its way back into his life. Was it the universe again? The way Hermione believed that events that were meant to be would reassemble in the future. The magic of the cosmos forcing order into a world which tended toward disorder. Maybe the answer was to create their own order from the swirling entropy. The universe couldn't possibly care how the entropy was managed, just that it was. Renewed determination spurred him on.

~~/~~

Rain pelted the countryside. Tom looked out over the miserable day, anger seething under the surface. The Death Eaters were useless. What had his brother been thinking, surrounding himself with people who could only do as they were told. He needed leaders to act. Obviously, this was why he had failed so many times. Even Malfoy and Bellatrix were waiting for someone to make a decision.

"My lord," a voice caught his attention.

He turned. Severus. He might have potential. Something in his gut had him doubting the young wizard's loyalty. He didn't know yet if it was just Snape's desire for the Potter witch or something bigger. Searching his memories he found Snape had given Voldemort satisfactory answers to his interrogation regarding his whereabouts during the dark times without a body. Legilimency hadn't found fault either. Maybe this was the man he sought. Sure, he couldn't be trusted to carry out the task of killing Harry Potter. That was something Tom suspected he'd have to do himself anyway. "Severus. Where have you been?"

"After I delivered the potion and your message, I heard about the battle in Diagon Alley. I went there. The fighting was over. It was crawling with ministry officials. I couldn't be sure they hadn't spotted me. I decided to lay low until I could ensure I wouldn't bring an auror to your front door."

It sounded reasonable. "I'm sorry I sent you away. I knew you had feelings for the witch and didn't want to put you in conflict with your leader."

"If I had been there, perhaps I could have done something to protect him."

Tom turned away, looked out at the rain. He needed someone. Maybe not to trust completely. Just to trust enough. He turned back to face the young wizard. "What do you think happened? On Tuesday."

Snape's eyes narrowed. He was attempting to determine if Tom was looking for a specific answer. "People are saying Lord Voldemort is dead. Destroyed by his own curse. Or stopped by a pregnant witch."

At least everyone wasn't talking about the boy who lived. He couldn't say that it was a huge improvement. "He's not destroyed," Tom informed him. "His body was. I tell you this because I need help. The instinct of many will be to save themselves. Already many have skittered away into the shadows, hoping the aurors won't focus on them until they have a believable excuse for their alliances and activity."

"How can I help?"

"We can continue the movement. We can continue the Dark Lord's vision of total supremacy while we work to locate him and restore him," Tom explained, still working out the benefits of simply containing Voldemort and keeping him out of the way. No one needed to know his intentions. Due to their connection, Tom would have to keep it alive. "We need a display of force. A notice to the world that our ideals are bigger than one wizard. And a reassurance to the Death Eaters that we're not done yet. You can cut off the head but another was ready to step into his place."

"You?"

"I am not the face. Not yet. Who would you recommend?"

Snape seemed to really give the matter serious deliberation. That he didn't have an immediate answer was telling. No one would risk themselves so completely. It would have to be Tom. The two men came to the conclusion at the same time. "Perhaps it could be you but not your face. There is something to be said about a threat that no one has seen that still is undeniable in its existence. If they don't know your face, you could be anyone. Anywhere. It could work better for you than trying to control a puppet. Especially if you want to set that puppet aside in the future."

Tom was starting to understand why Voldemort relied on this wizard. Even if it was in the shadows. "Who can I trust?"

"Obviously Bellatrix is… zealous," Snape said, choosing his words carefully.

"But is she loyal to the wizard or the ideals?"

"I understand those are still one in the same."

Tom couldn't stop the smile. If the rumor was spreading all the better. "And Lucius?"

"If there's a person who believes more in the notion of pureblood superiority regardless of the leader, it's Lucius Malfoy. He is inclined toward self preservation. It's a balance. I'd recommend meeting with him alone and explaining yourself."

Tom turned away. He wasn't particularly interested in explaining himself. If it got him an army he'd do it. "Stay close, Severus. I need your counsel." The dismissal was obvious. Tom didn't watch Snape take his leave. He stepped off the covered porch and under the rain. He waited too long to make his move. That had to have been it. He approached Voldemort too cautiously. Two weeks. That was how long he had been in the past, letting the time turner return to the future without him. He knew it was a one way trip when he stood in the dilapidated shack. His outlook in that time was bleak. Changing it all in the past was for the best. He still believed that. But he worried that someone knew he was there. That must have been how Voldemort's spell had failed. It was easier to believe that than the idea that the killing curse had been blocked in the conditions he had orchestrated. Lily didn't have time to make a sacrifice. James hadn't been in a position to do anything but watch.

"My lord. Severus said you wished to talk to me," Malfoy said hesitantly.

"I do. Walk with me," Tom said, using his wand to make a shield from the rain. The blonde wizard appeared to hesitate before joining Tom under the shield. Tom did his best to not betray the anger that elicited. "Tell me what's happening."

"The aurors have sensed weakness. They're emboldened by the apparent death of the dark lord," Lucius started and swallowed. "Many are discussing ways to cooperate for a lighter sentence."

"Are you one of those many?"

"I do have a family to consider. A legacy to maintain."

Tom wondered if Lucius would be so honest with Voldemort. It was clear he wasn't afraid of him. Maybe that's what was needed. Fear. "What will your legacy be worth if pureblood means nothing?"

"Likely as much as it would if I was locked up in Azkaban for treason."

The blunt assessment had Tom stopping. He turned to face Lucius. "Do you think I am Voldemort?"

Lucius shifted uncomfortably. "It is a fantastical story."

Tom stepped closer. To Lucius' credit, he did not retreat. Tom considered Voldemort's memories. He'd show the wizard what was in store for him. Deciding on the pitiful display of loyalty Malfoy mustered in the graveyard when Voldemort returned. With a blink, he used legilimency to show Lucius his failures in the future. He impressed upon him the anger and disappointment Voldemort felt when the Death Eaters finally responded to their summons. Tom let the Voldemort emotions permeate the visions. It left Lucius pale. "This is what your Dark Lord comes back to. Disloyal followers who only cared to protect and enrich themselves. I have future knowledge because I am him. I can help you avoid the mistakes you've made. Help me. Voldemort will return. We will make sure he returns with an army ready to topple any opposition. Primed for success. He'll reward you greatly."

"What can we do?" It wasn't a question asked from a place of defeat, it was a genuine request for guidance. The memories had convinced him. For the moment.

Tom grinned. Now they were moving forward. "The aurors are desperate to arrest death eaters and are trying to get some to flip in exchange for leniency. We set them up. The traitor and the ministry. Gather the inferi, the trolls, the werewolves. We set a trap and then surround them. We show them strength and numbers are still on our side. Get Greyback to organize the beasts. Bellatrix knows where the inferi are held. Prove I can trust you. You know who's weak and will sell us all out. Use them."

~~/~~

Snow fell quietly, clinging to the barren branches. It was eerily peaceful considering. Hermione lay on the ground, looking out the large glass doors leading to the patio. She closed her eyes. The heat from her body radiated around her. She was sick or had an infection. Probably both. The cool stone beneath her was a mild relief. She heard the footsteps across the room. Tom was at his bar. Getting a drink. Ice clinked in a glass. It was worse when he drank. He'd get… sentimental. Nostalgic for something she didn't understand.

The clicks on the stone got closer. He was coming back for more. Pain, taunting, threats… she couldn't know. When she opened her eyes, she found his looking back at her. Resigned, she rolled over onto her back. Resisting whatever he had in mind would be worse.

Holding a scroll up, he looked… pleased. That was new. "I just got good news. That's good for you. Come. Sit with me," he said, took a sip from his glass and headed for a sitting area around a fireplace.

Hermione wasn't convinced that any form of hospitality Tom offered wouldn't devolve into torture. Refusing his offer would certainly result in pain. Slowly she got to her feet, pushing through the pain in her hip. An old injury had clearly healed improperly. She limped over to the fireplace and looked around. She didn't want to assume that she would be permitted to actually sit. At least not in one of the padded chairs. Taking a small breath, she waited.

He pointed to a seat across from him, approving of her deference. His eyes narrowed as he studied her. She moved slowly, sat gingerly. "I should have used the timer turner to copy your memories before letting it return from 1981 without me. This would be more satisfying if you actually understood why it was happening to you. That Hermione no longer exists though. Even if I had the device now. I needed to use it before changing the past. That would have risked everything," he explained, clearly pleased with himself for making the measured choice.

Hermione stayed silent. He had explained it to her many times before. He changed time. Dumbledore had hinted at the same. In some other life, she had defeated Tom. Or at the very least successfully stopped his plans. She was being punished for that Hermione's actions. Actions that had been so damaging he had no choice but to change the past. She never knew how much of his story to actually believe.

Tom didn't wait for her to contribute to the conversation. He was talking at her, not to her. "I did have a promise to keep before killing the Potters. Do you know what a blood malediction is?"

Hermione shook her head. Dumbledore had taught her many things the few years she was protected within the school. Mostly offensive and defensive spells. There wasn't much time to study history of any sort. She read Batilda Bagshot's book of course. She couldn't remember if that piece of magic was ever referenced.

"It's a blood curse. It can take many forms and it's lazy to lump them all together. The beauty of such a curse is that it's tailored for the victim by the caster. When done right, it gets passed down. Nagini is the result of such a curse. She was a witch once. She's incapable now of taking her human form, but that wasn't always the case."

At the mention of the huge snake, Hermione looked around. She worried he was providing the lesson to give her context before allowing the reptile to eat her.

He waved at her concern. "Nagini is safe. She's the most protected creature in the world, I would imagine. In addition to her curse, she's the keeper of a very special secret. I mention it to tell you about the Greengrass family. One of the sacred twenty-eight and would have gone extinct were it not for my intervention."

Clearing her throat, she tested his reaction to her making a sound. He didn't object. "Is that the news you got today?"

His hand with the parchment jerked and his eyes grew dark. "No. I'm telling you how I beat you and Albus Dumbledore. You were content to let me waste away in Azkaban. Edward Greengrass saw my value. He helped me escape in exchange for a cure to his blood curse. Not for him. For his daughter. That was the important part. I couldn't cleanse him of the curse, but I knew of a potion that would protect his offspring. I used the time turner to honor my promise to brew the potion. It's why I didn't have time to preserve your memories. Of course I never ended up in Azkaban. A promise must be honored. And I needed an ally in case."

Hermione folded her hands in her lap. He'd get to the point eventually. Part of her was relieved he hadn't saved the memories from the other timeline. She thought it would be horrible having actual proof that her life wasn't meant to be as tragic as it was. Maybe her parents hadn't died. Maybe she had grown up happy and in a position to put Tom Gaunt in prison. Maybe Dumbledore really hadn't been executed. She shook her head at the thoughts. Even if that was all true, it wasn't anymore. "I can't say that I regret not remembering," she said honestly with a small measure of defiance.

"There she is. You've learned your role well. But I know who you are. That you're still in there. Ready to challenge me. Not unlike a snake biding your time for the best chance to strike. I didn't get here letting my guard down. I learned from my mistakes. Not even Lord Voldemort was permitted to continue to exist. I destroyed him the Halloween night he was meant to lose his body. To protect my soul," Tom said, motioning toward an ancient looking lantern he kept as protected as his snake.

Hermione followed his motion, she studied the cage. He referenced the wizard before but hadn't really elaborated on how he had managed to trap him without a body. It seemed to a be a source of pride for him.

"He was weak. Surrounded himself with useless loyalists who existed to boost his ego. As soon as the aurors thought the threat of Voldemort was gone, I made my move. An ambush. Marshaled his army of inferi, werewolves, and tolls. Took out nearly half of their ranks in one night. The ministry never had a chance to recover," Tom continued his tale.

Understanding he was also looking for his own boost to his ego, she denied him and kept still. He could relive his victories with his followers. He didn't need her for that.

Finally he returned to the parchment, sensing his attempt to be impressive was falling flat on a witch who had been in isolation from the wizarding world her entire life. "The ministry has fallen. The minister is mine. It's time to unveil the new imperial wizarding order. Governing is for the weak. I will rule over muggles, witches, and wizards," he explained and stood, stepping closer to her.

A jolt of fear ran down her back.

"Tonight we celebrate. And you'll be part of the show," he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her up to her feet.

"Hermione? Can you hear me?" Albus said. He was hovering over her, looking on in concern. A series of phials were lined up on the nightstand next to her bed, cataloging all her memories. The further into her mind they went, the harder it was to ignore the terrible memories.

With a shaking hand, Hermione wiped at her eyes. They were wet with tears. Pushing herself up, she felt a presence come in to help her sit up. Sirius. Had he been there the entire time? She felt exposed, uncertain if she would have said or done anything as she relived the worst of her alternate life. "Thank you," she said, taking a glass of water from him.

"We can take a break. There are still several years to copy. And then we can take you off the memory protection potion," Dumbledore said.

Hermione closed her eyes, thought about Tom's words. "No," she said, sitting up straighter.

Dumbledore looked at her in surprise. They had copied all her memories with the potion residue attached. They were the most important to preserve. It had been a grueling two day experience. They were close to the end and he was motivated to remove the terrible events she experienced from her mind. "We'll ensure we have all your memories preserved. I've been assured the spell is very thorough. Even if you didn't remember something happening, the charm still copies it," he said, concerned she was afraid they missed some memories.

"No. That's not it. The aurors," she said, her eyes racing back and forth as she recalled Tom's words. The timeline was different. But likely not so different that he wouldn't do the same thing. "Are the aurors planning an operation to round up Death Eaters?" she asked. The serious expression on Dumbledore's face was the only answer she needed. If something wasn't planned, it was in the works. "Tom might be planning an ambush. You have to warn them. A lot of people will die. They'll be outnumbered. Not just by Death Eaters. There will be inferi, werewolves, and trolls."

Dumbledore looked through the bedroom door. Remus was hovering, listening and waiting for something to do. "Send a patronus to Mad-Eye, if they have an operation planned, they need to wait until I speak to him. And we should gather the Order."

Dumbledore watched Remus leave but he looked torn between helping and making sure she was okay.

"Go. I need to sort through these memories. They're fresh. There might be information I know that can help. It might be best if I keep them. For now," she said, summoning quill and parchment so she could organize her thoughts.

"I'll stay with James. We'll look after Lily and the house," Sirius said, stopping short of implying that Hermione needed a keeper.

When Hermione didn't object, Albus nodded his acceptance. She looked at her old friend in understanding. "They need you, Albus. We're in good hands. I'd go if I didn't think I'd be a liability." She watched him go, felt Sirius' eyes on her. When they were alone, she finally turned her attention to him. "What?"

"You don't think the Order needs me?" he asked, attempting to look hurt by the unspoken assessment.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. Standing up from the bed, she stretched her sore muscles and headed for the dining room table with her writing supplies. "We need you more," she said on her way.

He joined her, tapped the table, "Some more than others."

Setting the quill down, her eyes narrowed. "Me?"

"Lily has James. You can have me," he said, sat down next to her, weighing her reaction.

Hermione leaned back, considered the younger, carefree Sirius. She saw the wizard she knew, but like a shadow of the man. Her old friend was more introspective with a strong sense of empathy that his younger, devil-may-care version. She guessed he came by those depths by suffering in Azkaban and by losing all the people he loved through the greatest betrayal. That betrayal had already happened. It hadn't resulted in the deaths of those he considered family. Was he already on a different path, she wondered. "I have you?"

"Or really, I have you," he corrected. "You don't seem like the sort who needs protection. Who doesn't need a sidekick?"

"What about Remus?"

"He's not a very good sidekick. You'll do better with me," he told her, while still appearing to understand what she meant. He elaborated. "Moony prefers to be alone. We don't typically entertain those desires. He appears to be taking on a leadership role in the Order."

"You don't want that? More responsibility within the Order of the Phoenix," Hermione asked. They never had a chance to discuss what he wanted to do with his life before it all fell apart.

"I'll do my part until the war is over. Making a career out of rounding up my relatives isn't really what I had in mind." He let the sentiment hang for several seconds. "I really die then? I don't get to try my hand at curse breaking for Gringotts."

Hermione was taken aback by his assertion. Her mind raced until she remembered in her fever induced haze, she had been surprised he was alive. "I was really confused the other day."

"You're not denying it."

"Sirius," she started, trying to plan her words. Did it even matter anymore? She'd spent some time thinking about her conversation with Albus in the Department of Mysteries. Nothing was going to play out the way it was intended. Tom had seen to that. Not unless Hermione took the risk to go back further in time to stop the clone before he had a chance to influence Voldemort. It was an option. Not one she was inclined to take. At least in their current timeline Harry was alive. "I don't think we can assume anything that I remember will happen. From either timeline."

He looked unsatisfied. "Was it in battle? Did I go out fighting?"

"What if I told you that I met you in my third year at Hogwarts?" she started. "Then you'll think you have years to do whatever you want. You'll take risks that you wouldn't have and get yourself or someone else killed. Or what if I tell you that you die fighting the death eaters? Then you'll approach battles with more caution, and maybe someone who you were meant to save doesn't make it because you weren't doing what you were meant to do," As she laid it out, she wasn't even sure she believed the theories. She tried playing by the rules and where had that gotten them. On the brink of disaster. Arithmancy was no longer a theory for her. It was reality and it had limits.

"Well. That's a complex bit of theory there," he said, growing a little pale at the scenarios. He pushed back from the table.

Hermione reached out for him, rested her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. Some of the rules are there for a reason," she started. She also knew some were meant to be broken. She could challenge the universe for once. "Just… if you go out to try to find Peter, make sure there aren't any muggles nearby and don't go alone. And if you ever find yourself dueling death eaters in a strange room in the basement of the ministry, find cover. Keep Harry and yourself safe," She couldn't really believe she had said the words. There was little chance that if she changed his future with her words that anyone would be able to trace it back to that particular conversation. Too much was going to change. She tried to play out how the world would be different if Sirius didn't go to Azkaban. What if those years kept him safe from some other death. Did he want to be a cursebreaker? If he pursued that, he might end up in a dangerous situation and he'd die an early death. Maybe she'd try to find his timeline in the tempus semita. If it updated.

Sirius appeared to appreciate the seriousness of her words. The implications. "I won't go alone," he promised. It was something he was already considering. He'd want answers. "Since we're talking about things we're not supposed to be talking about. How did you block the killing curse?"

Hermione let out a long breath. It was a complicated alignment of very specific elements. Her fear in explaining herself was a fear of giving anyone a false sense of hope that it could be blocked under normal circumstances. "It's not easy to explain."

"But you knew you could. How?"

"Because I did it before."

"Same question. How?"

Hermione looked around. It didn't bother her to explain how Lily protected Harry. It likely wasn't ever going to play out that way again. Not with Voldemort's body already destroyed. She supposed Tom could try again. It wasn't likely. He'd know from Voldemort's memory that attempting to attack and kill the Potters on Halloween next year would destroy him. "In my time, one other person successfully protected someone from the killing curse. It took an act of sacrificial love."

"Lily." He spoke the answer with a whisper.

Hermione nodded. "Next year, in my time. Voldemort attacked. James was killed. Lily put herself between Harry and the curse. She was killed but that love, that magic, gave protections to Harry. The second curse rebounded and destroyed Voldemort's body. Like it did on Tuesday."

"But you didn't die."

"No. I didn't. I modified a shield charm and used my love to channel the energy created by the curse away from Lily and Harry. It didn't kill me because I have other curse scars that protected me. It's not really a spell that can be replicated by just anyone in its current form," she added the last as a warning. She didn't want him trying himself.

He looked her over, wondering about the scars he couldn't see.

Hermione pulled on her left shirt sleeve. They weren't scars she liked to display but they were a part of her. They saved Harry. Twice.

"You loved Lily?" His question was unexpected.

"I never met her. I love Harry. I hoped that would be enough to protect them both. If not, I'd try again. I'd try another way to save them. Another time."

Sirius appeared satisfied with her answers. He stood, pushed his chair in. "Don't spend too much time dwelling on those memories. I saw what they did to you when Professor Dumbledore copied them. As you said, we can't assume anything you remember will happen the way you remember it."

That fact was what terrified her most of all.