All my stories have been translated from German to English. Since English is not my native language, translation errors may occur. But I hope that they are not too serious. If you notice any, feel free to tell me.
Have fun!
xXx
His fingers left a burning trace on my skin and, without me being able to prevent it, a loud moan came from my lips. Quickly a hand placed itself firmly on my mouth and the soft "Shhht" indicated me to be quieter. But how could I when he was doing such things to me?
His movements became firmer and I felt like I could feel him on my skin forever, but even more I felt like I could feel him inside me forever. Never before had I been so connected to someone. And actually, up until this point, I hadn't even wanted it. For some reason, this man had a tremendous attraction for me. No matter what he said or did, I fell for him, and I had from the first moment I saw him.
He kissed my neck erratic and impatiently creating even more pleasure for me than he already did. Slowly we approached our long-awaited main act. We both wanted this, more than anything else. And then it happened. Carefully he penetrated me, filling me until I felt like I was about to tear. It hurt more than I expected, but I welcomed any pain. This was worth it to me.
"I love you" - "I love you too"
"Hey, wake up! Come on!", I was roughly roused from my sleep and looked around the room with wide open eyes. Ok, this was not my little dirty room. Because above me I could see a beautiful four-poster bed. I was also lying on strangely soft pillows, and I just couldn't believe that straw was really supposed to be so soft, because that's all my bed was made of.
"What? What happened?" I straightened up and then looked around more closely until Arthur came into my field of vision. Startled, I winced and looked at him in complete confusion. What on earth had happened?
"Get dressed," was all Arthur replied, and then he threw my clothes at me. And only now I noticed that I was lying completely naked in Arthur's bed!
With quick movements I dressed myself and hopelessly straightened my hair, which just somehow didn't want to be like me. But that was the least of my problems right now. The bigger one was the question: How did I get here? And even naked?
I did not like to admit it, but I had a total blackout! I knew nothing more of yesterday evening.
"So what happened yesterday?", I asked him again, while I made his bed with my cheeks flushed, ashamedly making sure our eyes didn't meet.
"Don't tell me you've forgotten," Arthur answered me with a tone of voice as if he were just talking about the weather. Surely this was unbearable!
I kept silent and merely shook my head. I didn't dare say anything again. I was way too intimidated by this situation and I didn't know why.
"Ok, then I will tell you," he then said and right after that I heard footsteps. I couldn't see it, but I strongly believed that he was moving towards the table, because the footsteps were getting further and further away from me.
"Last night, we sat down together at the table to have a drink. Please don't ask me how we got there, I don't really remember myself. Anyway, we were both neatly, well, how do I put this nicely now? We were a bit more relaxed than usual. A little bit very. And then one thing led to another and we were in my bed," he explained to me in detail and seemed to pierce me with his looks. Still I hadn't dared say anything, let alone even look at him.
"Are you saying we did-? You know" I just couldn't say it. I was far too ashamed of what had happened and that I had really let myself be seduced, whether by alcohol or by Arthur.
"Well for moaning my name so boisterously last night, you're falling back into your old patterns pretty quickly" I could practically feel his grin on my skin already. And it was a grin I had never seen on Arthur before.
"W-what? Stop it!" It might not have been thought of me, but I had always been a firm believer that I would have my first time with the person I loved. And now? Now I had lost my virginity to a rowdy prince under the influence of alcohol. Not particularly intoxicating. And the fact that he was now saying such things made me realize that it couldn't have meant nearly as much to him as it did to me. What's more, I couldn't even remember that it had really happened. This was getting better and better! What was next? A STD?
"Why? I thought it was wonderful with you. As far as I'm concerned, we can repeat this again" When I then heard his words, I had finally lost my composure. It was bad enough that this had happened at all! Now he wanted to repeat it? Now I was not only his servant, but also his sex servant or what? This guy couldn't do this to me! It was bad enough that I felt these weird things around him, but this? This was really the peak for me!
"Forget it! I'm not going to let you use me. You have had your fun and humiliated me enough," with these words I simply left his chambers and disappeared into my chamber.
After this incident, everything remained the same. I continued to work normally as Arthur's servant and the events of that one night were never brought up again. What was also only more than right to me. It had simply been a disaster. The only thing in my life that I could have determined for myself was that! And now, one took also this from me. Could the world actually be more unfair?
"Merlin! Have you finally finished polishing my armor? That should have been done yesterday!", Arthur shouted through the hallway, looking at me angrily. I could only nod and claim that I would get it done right away. But actually, that was the last thing I would do in my condition right now. I felt far too bad for that. I had a headache and felt sick as well. In fact, my circulation was getting a bit bad and I was having a bit of trouble staying on my feet.
I felt like I was going to be sick, this morning I had already thrown up, just like the last two days. Probably food poisoning, or stomach flu. I would now go to Gaius for the first time and ask him for a remedy against it.
Tears were streaming down my cheeks and it just wouldn't stop. I could not stop crying. And I didn't know whether that was good or bad. Because in principle, my entire life would now change. But would it also be a good life? I didn't know. It had so many pros and cons, I had no idea how to deal with it.
What Gaius had told me. That what it really had to do with my well-being. It was a small life. It wasn't just mine that was at stake now. Now it wasn't just about me alone. Now it was about us. It was about me and my child.
I still couldn't believe it. After Gaius had told me that I was pregnant and that it probably -actually with one hundred percent probability- had something to do with my strong magic, a world had collapsed for me. Because it could be only alone Arthur's child which grew up in me. I had never had or even wanted anyone else. For me there was always only Arthur.
Gathering all my courage, I headed for Arthur's chambers. I hoped to meet him there and then I would finally tell him what was going on. I would tell him that I was pregnant. I would tell him that I felt more than friendship for him. And I'd tell him that I wished we were a family. Him, the child, and me. There was nothing I wished for more than that. Because after this month in which I had already left him in ignorance and I had time to figure things out for myself, I had realized what I really wanted from life.
Finally I arrived at the door and entered the room without knocking. I briefly walked through the whole room before I noticed a movement behind the screen. So he was there, that was good.
"Arthur? There's something I'd like to talk to you about" I continued to hear soft rustling behind the screen, but no answer at all. So I decided to just go ahead and talk.
"I'm going to be honest with you. What happened between us a few weeks ago meant a lot to me, even though I don't like to admit it. Even if I can't remember anything at all" A small laugh escaped me before I continued speaking.
"I gave you the most precious thing I possessed, even if not in my right mind. But I guess if I hadn't really wanted to, I wouldn't have let you, no matter how drunk I was. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, I love you. More than I should and much more than I should be allowed to. But you mean so much to me. I've had enough time in the last month to realize that. Because there's something else I need to tell you. It's- I just don't know how to tell you. Maybe you'll hate me, maybe you won't care, I can't really judge you right now, but you have to know" Once again I took a deep breath. In a moment I would tell him that I was different from the others, only to present him the next surprise right after that.
Quietly, I muttered a spell that sent sparks flying from my palm. They took off towards the ceiling, where they formed a star. At first I had thought of forming a heart, but that was a bit too cliché for me.
"I'm not who you thought I was all this time. I can do things far beyond your imagination. And I want you to know that magic is by no means a bad thing. It's the most wonderful thing I've ever been given. At least it was until a month ago. Because God gave me something even more precious. He gave it to us. A little being we can love. That we can raise. That we can make into a wonderful person, like you are. And also a great wizard. I dare even say that he would make a great king. It is our miracle that God has given me. That will grow inside me and hopefully have the same beautiful eyes as you. And I can't think of a better person to start a family with than you. Even if you were the purest shithead in the beginning, you have developed into an honorable prince. Now there is only one question: Would you give us a chance? The three of us?"
Never in my life had I talked so much, but for the first time in a long time I had the feeling of being free again. It had felt so liberating to get rid of all these things. For a long time they had been haunting my mind, too long.
As I spoke, I had leaned against the one bedpost and looked down at the floor. The rustling noise had stopped long ago, but still Arthur did not come out from behind the screen. Briefly I was afraid that all I had said was in vain, but then I heard footsteps. Full of hope I raised my head. But it was shattered when it was not Arthur standing in front of me.
It was none other than Uther Pendragon, King of Camelot, standing in front of me and looking at me with hatred. Fear spread through me. Terrible fear about what would happen to me now and especially what would happen to my child.
"Sire! W-what are you doing here?", I asked, terrified, and I inevitably wondered how I had worked up the courage to actually ask him that.
"I don't owe you an explanation!" he just angrily ruled me, though, and grabbed me roughly by the bandana.
"I'll hope for your sake that what you said isn't true, boy! Because if it is, you'll find yourself on the stake again sooner than you think!" I could see pure hatred for me in the king's eyes. A fear-driven chill ran down my spine. What was I going to tell him now? He wouldn't believe me for lying anyway, why should he? So I kept silent.
"That's answer enough for me! You are sentenced to death with immediate effect! You will burn before dawn!" These words made me wince. This man frightened me more than anything. I had never felt such fear as I did at that moment. And here it was not only my life that was at stake, but also that of my unborn child.
With enough strength Uther pushed me off him to run to the door. Probably to get the guards who would then take me to the dungeon.
"No! Please don't! Please don't do this! Please think of Arthur's child! Please think of your grandson!", I shouted after him desperately. That was the only trump card I could still play. For even if Uther was a tyrant, he cared very much for his own flesh and blood. And just as I had hoped, he stopped.
"Please! Don't kill us both! Spare my child! Do with me what you will, but I beg you! Don't kill the only thing I care about!" The desperation in my voice was clear, I knew that, but I didn't care. I just didn't want either of us to be left to the fire. But for a brief moment, Uther really did seem so heartless, for he said nothing back in response to my words.
"Very well, I will give you this chance. After the birth of the child, I will take it to myself. You, however, will face your death on the same day" These harsh words hit me like a blow, but I was more than happy that he at least gave my child the chance to live. And although I detested him for what he did to me, what he did to the entire wizarding world, I could feel nothing but gratitude for him.
"I grant you, the time until birth, to walk around freely. But if I even suspect that you are trying to escape, I will have you executed without further negotiations, and with the child! And don't get the idea to tell Arthur anything about it, because in that case the same punishment applies!" I merely nodded and humbly bowed my head before my king. Tears ran down my cheeks unhindered when I heard the door slam loudly into the lock.
I heard the loud crowd around me, while I was already practically dragged to the stake. Two hours ago I had given birth and could now proudly call myself the father of a beautiful son. Already at first sight I had seen that he had my pitch-black hair, therefore I hoped all the more that he would have Arthur's expressive blue eyes.
Unfortunately, this happiness did not last long, because I had already arrived at my destination and the knights tied me to the stake.
I was still weak and above all I was tired. The birth had lasted fifteen hours and now I was more than worn out. I could still feel the pain of labor now and the cold sweat on my forehead.
"Merlin Emrys! On this day you are accused of magic and for this reason sentenced to death by fire!" I heard Uther's harsh voice say.
"Do you have anything else to say?" he asked me, which I had not expected. But yes, I did.
So I closed my eyes and cast a spell aloud. Of course, Uther had immediately alerted the guards, but there was no reason for that. Because immediately, all of Camalot could witness this moment.
Again thousands of sparks rose up into the sky. Almost invisibly, they formed five little words. Five words that would shine brightly in the sky every evening and especially brightly on his birthday, which would also be the day of my death.
With joy I thought back to the last eight months. I was so happy when little by little my son grew inside me, making me the happiest person in the world. Thanks to a spell that made other people blind to this miracle, I was able to pursue my work as Arthur's servant until the end. And I was glad for every second with him.
Smiling, I looked up at the balcony where the entire royal family was standing. I could see Uther looking at me with hatred and contempt. I saw Morgana looking at me sadly. And I saw Arthur, bravely fighting his tears, but losing the battle.
In the corner of my eye I perceived the king giving a sign.
At that moment, I knew I was ready. I was ready to give my life for the sake of my child. I was ready to die for what I loved.
The flames enveloped me and burned on my skin. It hurt and yet I welcomed it. Yet I wondered what my son's future would be.
I had not even had time to give him a name, that would rather be done by Uther. I would never see how my son grew up, how he began to take his first steps and speak his first words. How he fought his first battle. And I would never know if Arthur knew that this was his son, nor would I ever know that Arthur named him Emrys in my memory.
"I love you my son"
But I did know one thing. I knew something I had thought I had forgotten before.
"I love you" - "I love you too"
13.11.2011