Chapter 6

Days went by, and then weeks, and nothing else had happened between Zuko and me. The air always seemed awkward between us, and I wasn't sure what to do to break it. We didn't really have time to talk it seemed like. We worked, slept, and then worked again. Finally, Pao announced that we would be given a few days off since he was going to be heading to the inner ring for meeting with someone who could hopefully help expand his tea shop.

We were excited for the prospect, it meant we could upgrade the building, get new uniforms, and possibly raises.

I was setting up some pastries in the front so people could come up and pick a few free ones if they wished, and Iroh was beside me making tea when suddenly Zuko came up to us.

"Uncle, we have a problem." He said in a hushed tone.

"What is it?" I said, joining in on the conversation.

"One of the customers is on to us. Don't look now but there is girl over there at the corner table. She knows were fine nation."

I looked at the girl Zuko was talking about. She was pretty with brown hair and slightly tanned skin. She had her hair parted in two braids, and she had a slight blush on her cheeks. She liked Zuko. He was absolutely oblivious and had no idea that this girl frequently came into the tea shop to see him.

I've served her a few times before, and each time she'd ask me if he was working that day.

I couldn't help but feel jealous, and I wondered if once he realized she liked him would he be receptive to her advances? Would he want to hold her hand and kiss her?

I shook the thoughts from my head.

Iroh closed his eyes, a small smile on his face. "You're right Zuko. I've seen that girl in here quite a lot. Seems to me she has quite a little crush on you."

I hated hearing the words out loud.

"What?" Zuko whipped his head around to look at the girl.

He turned back to look at me, and I tried to hide any emotion from my face, but now that it was out there — what would he do?

"Thank you for the tea." The woman's voice startled us all. She was behind Zuko now and she had her hand extended to give the coins to him. "What's your name?"

She was flirting with him right in front of me! I shook my thoughts, he wasn't mine. I couldn't do anything if Zuko decided to ask her out on a date.

"Uh, Lee. My uncle and I just moved here." He said. "Oh, and my, uh, friend Sayuri."

And there was my answer.

I was just a friend to Zuko.

I should have known better than to let my own feelings convince me he thought more of me.

My heart hurt at the realization. I was happy to hear he considered me as a friend, but still sad that all of our intimate moments had really meant nothing to him. Maybe he had once thought of me as something more, but then things got too real and he changed his mind.

Plus, I'm sure he had one if not more girls waiting for his return home. I'm sure he wanted to keep his options open, just in case.

Zuko was too hesitant to actually agree, and I thought it would take a while before he said yes to her advances. But when Iroh agreed for them to meet for a date, I was upset.

I shot Iroh a look of confusion and anger, who seemed surprised at my emotions, before I shook the anger from my thoughts and left the pastry table.

I was so stupid.

Maybe I should find other living arrangements.

I wasn't the type or runaway when things got too hard, but I also felt so stupid.

—

I avoided Zuko for the rest of the afternoon, only talking to Iroh when placing the tea orders and not passing them to Zuko like I had often done when it was super busy.

I was taking orders from a table of 4 boys around my age, they all were laughing and talking about stupid things.

"Hey," the bolder, and more handsome one of the group, said to me with a smile. "Look, I would absolutely love to take you out. My dad owns the best restaurant here, and we could have anything on the menu."

"I don't know." I said, unsure that if I said yes I would just guilt myself into feeling like I was getting even.

"Well, if you don't want to do that we could always do something else." He suggest desperate for yes from me.

"Like what?"

"Well," he thought for a moment. "I could show you all the secret hidden gems around Ba Sing Se, even ones in the middle ring."

"I'd have to think about it," I replied, wondering what the worst thing that could happen was.

I took their tea orders and handed them to Iroh.

"I'm sorry Sayuri," Iroh said when I haded him the order. "I had no idea you felt that way about my nephew."

I shook my head, trying not to have this embarrassing conversation. It wasn't Irohs fault he agreed on Zuko's behalf. Of course he did he wanted to find Zuko happiness. I couldn't stay mad at him for something he didn't know.

"It's okay," I finally said to him. "He's confusing."

Iroh nodded his head in agreement, "he has a hard time admitting his feelings."

I didn't want to hear anymore of this conversation about Zuko, so was grateful when another couple walked in that needed to be seated.

I sat them down quickly and took their orders.

I was walking to give the ticket to Iroh when Zuko stepped in front of me.

"We need to talk." He said matter of factly. His voice indicating that if I protested he wouldn't listen.

"Why?" I said, not wanting to be near him right now.

Even if Iroh agreed on his behalf, he could've said no. Plus, how weird for her to be excited when the guy she was asking out didn't say yes.

"We just do."

"Look," I began, pushing past him. "We don't have anything to talk about."

"Yes we do," he said, while grabbing my hand and leading me into the tiny room of to the side of the kitchen.

"I would've never agreed to go out with that," he said. "I know you're upset, but—"

I put my hand up, I didn't want to hear whatever words he had to say. "I am going to go back to work. You enjoy your date tonight, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Are you going to go out with that guy?" He said almost in a whisper. Like if he spoke the word too loud, it would make it happen.

I sighed, annoyed. "I don't know yet. Probably not."

I rolled my eyes at his annoyance. What right did he have to be upset or jealous that another man wants to take me on a date? It seemed hypocritical of him.

—

I watched as Zuko left for his stupid date. Reminding myself that if he didn't want to go out with her, like he claims, then he could just tell her so. I also remembered that despite how mean or angry he could come off, he had a hard time disappointing anyone, especially his uncle.

I went to bathe, deciding to soak away the tension that was starting to form in my shoulders.

As I laid in the bath, I thought about home and all that I left behind. I thought about my mom, and wondered what kind of advice she would give me if I asked her what I should do. When I tried to picture what she would say, I couldn't imagine it.

Eventually my mind drifted to Zuko. I knew I had liked Zuko, but it wasn't until my heart started to hurt that I realized just how much I actually liked him. I wanted to spend all my time with him, and although we spent most of the time working—at least it was with him.

I thought of how often we would, what I thought, flirt with each other as we made tea, set up the baked goods, and just worked together. I wanted to stay with him, but I also knew that if he had met someone else and decided to be with them—I would have a hard time. I knew that having a broken heart would be difficult, I had seen it affect so many people in so many different ways.

I thought of my father and how drastically it had changed him. He went from loving and doting to full of hate and sadness. I knew losing my mother was hard for him, but I lost both my parents that day. I had hoped that he would learn from the mistakes he had made with me, and made some changes in his own life.

I let out a sob, thinking of all these things and decided it was time to get out of the bath.

Maybe I should talk to Iroh about it?

He already knew how I felt, and was great at giving advice. I knew whatever I said to him would remain between us.

I got out of the water and quickly dried myself and got dressed.

One thing I was grateful for was the access to a nice warm bath whenever I pleased.

After dressing, I walked down the hall to see Iroh had already had the tea made and a game of pai sho set up for us.

"I thought you would like to pass the time," he said, smiling warmly at me.

I nodded, not surprised he would know exactly what to do to help. Not surprised that he would know I would come to him for advice.

"I'm so confused." I finally said about 10 minutes into our game.

"I'm assuming you mean my nephew?" He said.

"Yeah," I said, rolling my eyes at the thought of him. "He keeps giving me mixed signals, and it's making unsure if we are friends…or, something…I don't know, more?"

I waited a moment for him to answer, "sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. You don't have to respond, I understand that it's your nephew. I just figured that you know h—"

He cut me off, "Zuko is complicated, I wish I could tell you but the best thing for you to do is just tell him how you feel."

That was what I didn't want to hear.

"I feel honored that you decided to confide in me about these things," he said, a warm small smile on his face.

"Yeah," I said. "I just view you as someone very insightful, and I value the things you have to share."

He smiled at me, happy to hear my words.

A few moments later Zuko bursted through the door. Seeing him brought back my hurt feelings. He walked down the hallway, slamming the door behind him.

I looked at Iroh confused, and he motioned for me to go see what was wrong.

I let out a sigh, annoyed that Zuko could act so childish sometimes.

I got up and knocked on his door. He opened it expecting to see Iroh, so was surprised when I was the one checking on him.

"Come in," he whispered, while practically pulling me into the room.

"How was your date?" I asked, unsure of what else to say.

"It started off nice," he confessed. "But the longer I sat there, the more she flirted…it felt wrong."

"Why?"

"I don't know," he said, but I had a feeling he did know.

I wondered what it could be. There could have been many reasons why he felt that way. She didn't really know who he was, and I'm sure if he confessed she would likely not want anything to do with him. Plus, I know that the second chance he gets to capture the Avatar, he wouldn't hesitate.

It brought me back to my own confused feelings. Obviously, I wanted to be with Zuko, but if he didn't want to be with me—what would happen if he captured the Avatar? Before, Iroh said Zuko would fight for me to stay with him, but I'm not sure now if that would be the case.

"Sayuri," Zukos voice broke my thoughts.

"Yes?" I said, feeling awkward.

"It didn't go well because the whole time I thought that we should've been on the date."

I was taken aback by his confession, but I still couldn't hide the heat that was rising to my face.

"I want to be with you," he continued his confession. "I just feel conflicted. I worry you may not feel the same, and I worry about the what-ifs."

I sat down beside Zuko, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"Like what if you capture the Avatar?" I said, speaking the unspoken.

He tensed up at my words.

"If that were to happen, I would go home." He said, his voice full of longing. "But, I don't know if you would be able to come home with me, or if you would even want to."

I nodded my head understanding his words. Things would be much simpler if he gave up his quest to find the Avatar. He feels as though he has to restore his honor, but I don't know how I could explain that he is an honorable man. No one would take away his honor from him, no one but himself.

As for going with Zuko to the Fire Nation, I was unsure. Most of me said I would go, but there was still that lingering feeling that I would feel negatively about leaving. I found it unlikely that I would be accepted into the Fire Nation palace.

"I want to be with you too," I finally said. "Zuko, I don't know what the future could bring, but I don't think we should put everything on pause for 'what ifs'. If those things happen we can handle them when we get there. Just know I want to be with you, and I will follow you anywhere."

He grabbed me and pulled me to him, looking at me for a moment before finally and passionately kissing me.

We kissed for a moment before finally pulling away, out of breath and not knowing what to say next.

—

I was laying in bed feeling restless, the thoughts of Zuko kissing me kept popping into my head. His passionate kiss left my head feeling dizzy, and I only craved more. I wanted more. I couldn't wait to hold his hand. Kiss him more. Cuddle with him.

My mind wandered to us doing more than just those things and I tried to push away the thoughts. I wondered what it would feel like to have his hands roam my body. I blushed at the thought of him kissing my inner thighs, and grabbing my breasts.

I sat up abruptly, trying to stop myself from thinking in such ways. We just confirmed our relationship, it was selfish of me to already be craving more intimate things.

Suddenly, my door opened.

Zuko was standing there, shirtless, looking like he hadn't slept at all as well.

"I was hoping we could sleep together?" He whispered, trying not to let Iroh overhear him.

I nodded my head, and positioned myself on the bed to make room for him.

He slid under the covers with me, and we laid down, his warm body touching mine.

My mind went back to those intimate thoughts with him, and my face started to heat up again.

He kissed my head, as he pulled my body closer to him. Holding me so tight that I wondered if he thought I would fade away if he loosened his grip on me even a little bit.

Shortly after we both fell asleep, although I pretended to not wake up when I heard Iroh open the door to check on us.