I couldn't stop thinking about how McCoy just locked himself in that room and never responded to Kirk's words. "It's not your fault." Clearly didn't land so I wrote this.

Kirk strides into the sickbay with the confidence of a man who believes every problem has a solution. The doctor sits with a frown empowered by the certainty that they, in fact, do not. "Still sulking, Doctor?" Kirk's smile could win a beauty pageant so long as it was a contest based on appearance alone. McCoy suspects that the moment he'd open his mouth the judges would catch wind of his double-sided words and assume a forked tongue must accompany them. Might even run for the stars. Hills just wouldn't be far enough.

"I don't sulk." McCoy insists as he raises his legs and crosses them over the top of his desk. The glass of brandy he had just poured himself shakes. With a huff, McCoy continues, "I'm not a child or a halfhearted Vulcan for that matter." He leans further back into his chair and tucks each hand under the opposite armpit.

Kirk tilts his head forward. His eyes close briefly as he does his best to hold back his apparent disappointment. With a less powerful smile Kirk replies, "Come now, Spock isn't even here to defend himself."

"No." McCoy closes his eyes. "I know." Defeat colors his words, betraying his lack of belief in the validity of his jab. Bones shakes his head. "Even if he were he'd simply say, 'I have a heart doctor it's just a Vulcan one, here," and McCoy presses his side. "He wouldn't even realize what I was trying to say."

Kirk rounds McCoy's desk and leans against the side closest to the doctor. "I think he understands he just doesn't want to admit that on occasion he rises up to our little challenges against his facade."

That pulls a deeper frown from the doctor instead of a smirk. "No, because we're all blind and can't see the smile he hides every time he looks down."

"We all have eccentricities that help protect our self-images." Kirk leans over towards McCoy. "Spock denies his emotions the way one denies their sulking."

Bones unwraps his arms and throws his hands up with more than mild frustration. "I'm not sulking Jim."

Kirk pushes himself off of McCoy's desk. He grabs the other man's left shoulder and gently squeezes it. "Of course, you aren't Bones."

A flush tints McCoy's cheeks. He rolls his eyes before leaning his head away from Kirk, and burying his face into his right hand. "And anyways it's not the same thing. It's unhealthy to constantly deny the existence of, well things that exist."

"Really doctor?"

"I'm a doctor, not a poet Jim." He raises his head out of his hand, cheeks clearly a little less flushed than before. "Or a philosopher for that matter," A smirk graces McCoy's face. "but I tend to hold my own against your science officer." Sometimes.

"Bones is there a reason you're," Kirk pause his words and smiles. "Thinking so deeply about Spock?"

"I blinded him, Jim." His voice cracks on the end of Jim's name. How could he have made such a grave mistake? If it had been anyone else, if he hadn't taken notice before activating it on all those people, the damage would've been unforgivable.

"You didn't know Bones," Jim moves a hand towards his chest. "and I gave the order."

There he goes trying to share the blame as if it wasn't obvious who was clearly in the wrong. Kirk has a whole ship to worry about. Figuring out how to kill parasites and cure diseases is his. Thinking about that moment, what he had done, it's enough to make McCoy's mouth go dry, and his chest ache. McCoy pulls his feet off his desk and sits up. "I'm not a fool Jim." Bones pushes past the lump in his throat. "I saw your face after I realized my error."

"I was anxious."

Bones raises his glass to point at Kirk. "You were angry, not anxious." The doctor tilts his head while adding emphasis to the captain's name. "Captain Kirk, I have seen your many faces and the difference between your anxiety, and rage are as tell apart as night and day. The same could be said for your confused, and happy faces." Those are hardly similar expressions.

Kirk rolls his head as he closes his eyes. "Bones-"

"I just can't help but feel like," Bones turns in his chair to face Kirk. He fixes a wary look on the captain that only conveys the smallest fraction of the nerves he was trying to keep wrangled in. "Would you have forgiven me if it did turn out permanent?"

"Bones it didn't." Kirk looks away at the empty side of McCoy's desk. He crosses his arms over his chest.

"Don't avoid the question, Jim." The demand earns him a look of surprise from the captain. McCoy pushes on. "I'm not someone who'll drop this because you turn on the charm."

Any other time and such a comment would have made them both smile. Now guilt flows off of Kirk in waves that clash against McCoy's. Kirk's face goes soft as he meets the doctor's eyes. "Bones the moment I stepped out of here, I had already forgiven you."

"It didn't seem so simple an issue that space was enough to forgive it." Once again McCoy hangs his head, staring holes into the bottom of his glass.

Fed up, Kirk decides to move this conversation ahead. "McCoy, I'm telling you to drop this."

"And why should I captain?" McCoy asks raising his voice. "I broke my oath! As a physician, I can not forget that." Worse yet, this wasn't even the first time. McCoy's stomach turns over thinking about the time he'd been brainwashed and attacked Jim. He feels downright sick when he thinks of what happened with his father.

"Then don't forget it!" Kirk's desperate shout clearly rattles McCoy. Kirk grabs Bones' shoulders and leans over the sitting man. "Remember it." He gently shakes McCoy's shoulders. "Forever if you need to! But do move on, doctor." Fingers dig in a little more before finally letting go.

McCoy grabs Kirk's right wrist. "And what of Spock?" He asks, before letting Jim go. McCoy hangs his head while blinking rapidly to keep his eyes from growing to dry or to wet. "Do you think he'll ever forgive?"

"I imagine our companion has already moved past this affair." Kirk absentmindedly rubs his wrist. His eyes remain trained on the top of McCoy's head. "It seems to me that you are the one determined to remain on it."

"And so what if I am? You just admitted earlier that it's clear as day that Spock denies his emotions. He purposely represses them, and not just in times of distress." McCoy waves his hand about the room. "Oh he'd say this is a meaningless, emotional conversation but what do you think he'll feel? Could he ever trust me again?"

Kirk kneels down to look McCoy in the eyes. They're red, and Kirk knows the doctor's vision is blurry. A need to comfort Bones overtakes his mind. He really does put to much on those shaky shoulders. Sadly, Jim can't give him the words he wants to hear, and he won't offer him a comforting lie. No one can speak on Spock's behalf. Not even Jim.

So Jim offers what he can. He moves closer to McCoy, and rests a hand ontop of his twitching palms. "I do."

"That's not fair Jim." They both choose to ignore how Bones' voice cracks.

Well that usually works. He truly must be beside himself if even that didn't bring a smile and a wave of easiness back to the doctor.

"Well, you're not being fair to yourself Bones." Jim looks down and sniffs. He lets go of Bones, and stands again. "Or to Spock for that matter."

"Maybe I don't want to be fair." Bones lets out a slow, haggard sigh. "Maybe I don't deserve to be treated fairly." He leans his head all the way back and once again covers his face with one outstretch hand.

"Of course you do." There's many things Jim would let slide. He'll never allow one of his men to be treated unfairly. Even if it's themselves tearing them down. It's time to put an end to this. If McCoy is allowed to keep trudging on in this way, who knows when he'll pull himself back out. "The fact is you want to sit here, beating yourself up, sulking."

McCoy fixes one of his bleary, blue eyes on Jim through the gap inbetween his ring finger and pinky. Kirk raises his hand towards the doctor. He freezes up when Uhura's voice rings over the computer. A captain's life is never peaceful. He pulls his hand back. "I have to go."

He stops in front of the door. McCoy hadn't so much as made a squeak with his chair. If it wasn't for how closely Kirk was listening, he woldn't even be sure if the doctor was still breathing. Jim turns around and looks back at McCoy one last time. "Bones, talk to Spock. Please. I can't stand to see you like this."

Silence sees the captain out the door.

Kirk steps fully into the hall, completely unsurprised to see Spock standing just on the other side of the door. If he hadn't been expecting him, Jim would have bumped straight into Spock's chest. Kirk looks over his shoulder to watch the door close. Once it's shut tight, Kirk clears his throat. "I assume that you were listening in on that."

"Not intentionally captain. I heard my name mentioned." Of course that's all he'd admit to. Curiosity. Where must that fall on the vulcan's spectrum of emotions?

Kirk folds his hands behind his back. "You should talk to McCoy." With his head he gestures towards the door.

"The doctor is in a highly emotional state." Well he must have heard plenty if he can tell that.

Jim nods. "He needs to hear that you don't blame him for temporarily blinding you."

Spock fixes his eyes on the door. For a moment Kirk is certain that the corners of his lips drip down the slightest bit. Kirk blinks, despite himself and the expression is gone. "If he did not take your word for it, I doubt he'll accept mine."

"From the mouths of babes." Kirk begins before hanging his head and unfolding his hands behind his back. "Tell me Spock." The captain begins looking up at Spock's face. "Do you blame him?"

"Of course not captain." Jim smiles. "Human error is to be expected." He curls his lips back in on themselves in a poor attempt to keep from frowning.

"On a human ship, of course." Kirk finishes, taking the insult in much the same way he always takes them, with a grin to show little more of his bruised ego than his heart. "Am I too understand that you will not speak with McCoy?"

Spock looks above Kirk's head towards the door again. "I do not believe it will help, but if you think otherwise I can attempt to assuage his guilt."

"I think it would help very much. Thank you Spock." Kirk steps aside, and holds his hand out towards the door.

"As soon as I finish this work," Spock lifts the padd in his hands. "I will stop by the sickbay captain."

"You wouldn't by any chance be hoping that the doctor will be back in his room by that time, would you?" Kirk asks tilting his head.

"Of course not, captain." Spock readjusts his arms. "However I imagine the work will take me the rest of beta shift."

"By which time, McCoy's shift will also be over," Kirk concludes with a nod of his head, as he presses his tongue against the inside of his right cheek. The captain hangs his head, shaking it briefly. When he lifts it again his smile is a little sadder. "You two are two sides of the same, very frustrating coin." Things would go so much smoother if they didn't have such a penchant for avoiding conversations with actual sustenance.

"There's no coin with mine and Doctor McCoy's face on it."

"No there isn't, but you know what I meant Mr. Spock."

Spock looks away, down the hall. Kirk didn't miss the slightly green tint on the undersides of Spock's ears. "I do."

Feeling a little more at ease with the vulcan's discomfort, Kirk smiles. He lets out a little air of relief and starts walking away. He makes sure to pause and pats the side of Spock's shoulder as he passes, "Thank you, Spock."

Kirk walks away, leaving Spock alone, and frozen outside of the sickbay.