Lovesick Girl
Chapter 1: Bye Bye Akademi
Saturday, August 31, 2013 AF

Hi my name is Madeline Lovesick and all my life I've thought something was missing from my life. Like, something really big. Like it's just that other people can play and enjoy themselves and have interests and I'm not interested in anything and at no point in my life could I ever say that I enjoyed myself or was happy.

This by the way has been a thing since my birth basically and the rest of the family seems to be able to feel feelings. Especially my younger brother (by some five years) Norman Lovesick who will constantly call me out on me not being able to feel and how he is worried that I'm colorblind to the rainbow of emotions but that's siblings for you.

As for my parents they're a happily married couple but they have vastly differing opinions on this and those opinions so far have led to an absolute disaster which is why the thing that is currently happening is happening. It's quite funny how their tug of war has made me into the person that I am (although the main defining thing of me has been with me since birth as I said) but let's explain it first.

So first of all we have my mother Beatrice Lovesick who approached me as though nothing was wrong. The story according to her goes: I'm descended from a long family of girls who were never able to feel until they met a Senpai and from then on they devoted their life to him, and they were willing to do literally anything about it, even murder. It even has an official name, apparently: the Lovesick Family Curse.

Well first of all this is incredibly sexist as I should probably be more than just a boy's plaything and vacuum cleaner but also you'd think that if there was a Senpai out in this world for me, there would be people like him who would make me feel at least something, but there aren't. Oh and there is literally nothing scientific that can cause such a curse that keeps descending the female bloodline and I have no idea what you're talking about. So that's a busted approach.

And then there's my father Matthew Lovesick who was really concerned in getting at this scientifically and I can totally see why he would. From a young age I was constantly subjected to doctors and psychologists and occasionally even medicine but again nothing worked and I continued to not live, but exist, go to school and do well at school because that's what I needed to do objectively in order to go somewhere in life and not be the aforementioned vacuum cleaner.

But then about a year ago this thing he and a bunch of scientists came up with actually worked and at least for a while, I could feel feelings and do heartfelt stuff and there are a whole bunch of poems I wrote but you guessed it: right now, I don't see any value in them and whatever I felt while I wrote them, it's all gone and I don't care.

But the worst thing about this isn't actually how my family deals with me, it's how the staff and students of Akademi High (and the middle school before that, and the elementary school before that) dealt with me. The staff did literally nothing - as long as I've got good grades, nothing is actually institutionally wrong with me - and the students made me into a literal icon.

Essentially, a whole new phrase appeared in their vocabulary, "to pull a Madeline Lovesick" let me give you an example: "Oh, hey, have you seen the news? They were talking about this Zodiac Killer and he's real ruthless with his murders; pulls it off like a real Madeline Lovesick." Now that's an absolute unworkable comparison because I've never murdered someone but the fact that people already see someone who would murder someone and not feel a thing in me is pretty messed up and please just admit it everyone there is no fixing it.

And especially after I went through my feeling feelings phase and went back it's just infinitely worse. While people still compare me to someone who would totally do a murder and not enjoy it because I can't enjoy things, they also feel pity for me and I just can't live somewhere where people constantly talk about how I should totally write another poem for them or something.

That is why I have packed up all of my stuff and fetched a train to someplace far away where Beatrice and Matthew and Norman and Akademi will not be a concern. I just want to be someplace where people will not be concerned and will not even be aware that Madeline Lovesick could once write the most heart-touching stuff out there and now she won't even shake hands or talk to people because "it's too sentimental".

As for those I hastily mentioned between a string of "and"s I just want you all to forget about me and please carry on as though I never existed. I will try to keep a diary of objective observations for my own sake but if you're reading it please just stop and forget that I ever existed. It's what I would have wanted.

But anyway the train is about to arrive at its destination and then I will do something. I will find myself an environment and a new school and there will be new people that I will objectively observe and even though I am not happy and never will be, at least there won't be a stupid tug of war to try and fix me or whatever - and especially no one will be talking about the Lovesick Family Curse and if I ever have to write the words "Lovesick Family Curse" again and it's not from people connected to my old place, I will just have to move again.

But anyway that's it and I will keep this updated.

Yours truly, Madeline Lovesick.