Chapter 13: First Date
FLASHBACK of Olivia and Elliot on their first date.
They had just finished dinner. Elliot opened the door of the restaurant for Olivia as they walked out to his car. She was in the middle of a story about Munch and Fin.
"So we were trying to set up this surprise birthday party for Cragen, but Fin kept saying the name of the Restaurant incorrectly, and Munch kept ignoring the details of the party altogether, because he didn't want to have the party, because he finds surprise birthdays to be insensitive, as most people hate their birthday."
"Of course. Oh good ol Munch," Elliot laughed and opened his car door for Olivia who finished her story once they were in the car.
"So we all get to the restaurant the night of the party. And we're waiting for Munch to bring Cragen downtown to this Irish restaurant."
"Oh no…."
"Munch went to the wrong Irish restaurant. Because Fin kept calling O'Briens, Finnigahan's. By the time we figured out what happened, Cragen was on his way out the door, as 25 of us walked in with cake and black balloons. Still a surprise, but such a classic Fin and Munch moment."
They both laughed in the silence of the car and then stopped and sighed, and looked at each other.
"I'm having a really good time with you tonight," Olivia smiled. "I don't want this to end."
He smiled back. "Me either." He could have kissed her, but knew better than to be the first to lean in. "Can I show you something?"
"Ah…as long as I don't need a lawyer to see it," she joked, knowing that he wasn't going to get sexual with her.
"No…like a place. Can I take you to a place I found that…I go to when…I need some quiet. It's pretty. It's…I won't pull any funny business. I promise," he warmly smiled.
"Sure," she replied with a smile.
He then drove them to the south end of Manhattan.
When he turned on his car the playlist on his phone started softly playing unrecognizable punk music.
"You know, all these years we've sat in a car together, I've never once heard the music you listen to," Olivia said as she peaked at the song on his phone. "Is this punk music?"
"Eh…yeah," Elliot grew red with some embarrassment. "The descendants…it's just a band I used to follow in college. You can put the radio on or…"
She picked up his phone, dialed his password, and clicked onto the song.
"Or you could just go through my phone," he poked. "How do you know my password?"
She gave him a look. "You've had this password since 1999, old man. Come on. Maureen's birthday. Your garage code. Your Netflix password. And I hope to god it's not still your bank pin, but-"
He turned a lip up at her and flared his nostrils.
"And it's still your bank pin number," she finished with a mocking tone.
She clicked through his iTunes list while he shook his head with amusement.
"Well, I guess that's settled," he responded to her.
"What," she stopped and looked at him.
"You know too much. I can never leave you again."
She grunted playfully and then stopped on his history. "So I don't know any of the bands that you've listened to over the last…what is this a month? Oh wait, except for one. Brian Adams. Do I want to know why you were listening to Brian Adams?"
He ignored her Brian Adams remark.
"What band's don't know you? Read them off."
She pulled her glasses on to really see if what she was reading was accurate. "Wet Leg?"
"Euro band. Very popular at Lolla. Eli turned me on to them," he shifted and turned off the main road. "Keep going," he said, leaning closer to her to look at the list. She could smell his cologne and it made her head turn.
"Did you wear cologne for me?"
He pulled himself back and blushed. "I did. You didn't wear your Channel for me though, so I'm still not sure how many walls I chipped away with those undercover text messages."
She laughed behind her blue glasses. "Hmmm…I'm out of Channel. And I did get my nails done."
"Ah, right, because that's what I'm supposed to look at," he grinned in full flirt mode.
"Okay next," she changed the subject. "Best Coast."
"You'd like them. Super feminist chill music from LA. I like to play that when I'm making dinner or cleaning. Next."
"Foo Fighters."
"Wait, what?! You don't know Foo Fighters," he furrowed his brow at her.
"I mean, I've heard the name. Not sure I know any songs."
"Yes, you do," he looked at her with a side eye. "Foo Fighters are probably the best Rock band to come out of the 90's and not die or break up."
"I thought that was the Goo Goo Dolls."
"Eh, my heart," he cringed. "No. Foo Fighters. Play the essentials list."
"Rescued, Everlong, Show me How," she listed the longs off. "I can't say I've ever heard of them."
"That's because Taylor Swift has eaten your brain."
"Oh yes, that's it," she laughed.
"Press play. And put that phone down, because we're here, and Foo Fighters will be good enough for this spot."
He pulled into the almost empty lot and drove as close as he could to the water.
"I'm impressed that you found an empty parking lot in New York City. Are you sure I'm not going to need a lawyer," she joked with him again.
He then opened his sunroof, turned off his car and the headlights, and grabbed her hand. "Look up."
Ever so faintly, there was a patch of stars peaking through the not so dark city sky.
She smiled and sighed, and almost seemed content. Until her thoughts started to spiral. This was the perfect date, and it was absolutely terrifying.
"Then," he whispered. "Look front. You can see the Statue of Liberty and the skyline, and sometimes the stars all at the same time. Nothing like it."
She looked out at the city and she wanted to let go with him. She could see he was so happy and tranquil. Youthful, almost. She looked down at his thumb rubbing her perfect red fingernails. He wasn't pushy or forward. He was pleased as punch to just be with her, and it was refreshing.
"I wish I could lose myself with you tonight," she said, facing the skyline, as if she were too scared to look into his eyes.
He knew not to look at her. He could tell she was getting ready to let a wall down. He waited for it. But he didn't want to let go of her hand, so he gently kept hold of it and waited.
"Why can't you lose yourself," he lightly pushed after a moment.
She stiffened up.
"Not that I need more than this," he finished. "Just…you can keep whatever you have locked up in there for as long as you need to, but…I thought….well back in the day it always seemed easier for you to talk when we were in the car. Looking out into the city, in the dark, no interruptions. Just seemed easier to say anything that was unsaid that might have needed to be said."
"So that's why you brought me here?"
She put up a wall and he felt like he had failed her. He turned the music off.
"No…I brought you here, because I wanted to show you my new way of finding peace. I thought maybe it might bring you the same kind of peace. That's all. Nothing more."
She nodded and let down the wall again. Her eyes fixated on the buildings and the city in front of her. "I'm so sorry." The water splashed up onto the rocks in front of them. "You're being so patient, and I'm so jaded from being hurt…so many times by so many men, in ways that…you couldn't even handle knowing. And-" she held back the embarrassing tears.
"Try me," he pushed her to continue.
"Ha…it's too much. I couldn't handle you treating me differently, even if I had the words to say it."
"Liv. We've been through hell and back together. What could be worse than what we've already seen in each other. And I was one of those men who failed you. Let me take that pain away from you. I don't care if this is all you can ever give me. But I want to understand it. I want to know where you are, when I try to get close to you and you pull away. You don't have to bear it alone. I'm here and I'm not leaving you."
She sat averting her eyes from his pleading questions.
He finally relaxed a bit and watched a barge cross the skyline. "I know I can't make you trust me. It's okay. You'll tell me when you're ready."
They sat in the silence for a moment as Olivia searched for the words, and then she grabbed his hand closest to her, and held it to her body with both hands. The comfort of his skin was her security blanket in that dark starry New York moment. She let the words fall out.
"I was abducted and tortured shortly after you left."
He wasn't expecting that, and then grabbed her hands tightly as the air stuck to his lungs.
"I thought I was going to die for days," she continued. ", I was forced to watch this man rape and kill other women and I knew I was next, and I had no way out. I had nobody that looked out for me like you did, and because of that I could only think about you…my last wish," she teared up. "What would Elliot do to get out of this situation? Did Elliot ever love me? Why didn't he say goodbye? And eventually just saying your name in my mind gave me some kind of strength and I got out of the hand cuffs. And then I thought. What would Elliot do now? He would kill with man. I was at deaths door, and all I could think about….was you."
Elliot turned to her and engulfed her with his sad blue eyes.
"And I survived without you, but I was so disappointed with myself for loving you that much, and not knowing if you ever felt the same way about me. It was a hard lesson for me to learn during a traumatic time in my life that I still have very realistic nightmares about when I'm under too much stress. So…it's not just the letter. It's this huge thing that I carry around. And if that were the only thing that plagued my mental state on a daily basis, I might be able to let that go and trust you tonight, because I know how hard it was for you to choose your wife over what we had. I watched you struggle over Catholic guilt and marriage and repressed emotions for decades, so I know you have pain too. But I don't trust myself to make this decision with you, and I couldn't bear to let myself fall for you and lose you to something stupid like cancer or a bullet. And I don't know when or if I'll ever be able to trust myself with a man in a relationship ever again, because it has always caused me so much pain….," her voice grew so small. "And it's so easy for you to say that 'everything can be fixed', but I don't know that I can be fixed. I want to believe that I can. I see glimmers of…it…and I want to believe in it."
"So believe in it, Liv," he whispered back. "Hold my hand, don't let go of it, and we'll do this together. We'll believe it will work out, and it will."
They held each other's gaze from across the car. Elliot's hand was still wrapped in her embrace. Olivia nodded her head, and at least for a moment, she let herself believe in it. She then slowly turned to the sunroof and pushed her seat back slightly in a reclined position and looked up at the stars.
"Can we just sit here together," she whispered.
He squeezed her hand, reclined his own seat, and turned on the music. Foo Fighters played on.
"If you don't mind, I'll be stopping by
Count all the little black clouds
Don't you worry, please don't worry
I'll take care of everything
I'll take care of everything
I'll take care of everything
From now on"
Merrick watched the whole thing unfold at the restaurant. He couldn't believe his eyes. Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler. Would they even remember him if they saw him. He sat very still behind his menu as Olivia went to the restroom. She was so smitten by him, that she walked by him in a love coma. It was curious and repulsive to watch for Merrick. The brut that once showed Merrick how manly he was a decade ago, was still every bit a gentleman. He pulled the chair out for her when she returned. Picked up the check. Blushed at her stories. At one point as he watched them, he found himself blushing too.
The waitress caught him and grinned.
"Can I get you another coffee?"
"No thank you," she sweetly smiled.
"What are you looking at," she asked.
"The couple over there. Don't tell them this, but I know them from years ago," he pulled her ear down closer and whispered with a big smile. "I'm responsible for that."
"For what," She giggled.
"For getting them together."
"Oh,sure you are," she smiled. "I'll get you some dessert. You're very sweet."
He followed them when they left. He couldn't help himself. He drove to the pier, turned his lights down, and watched from afar, wondering if they were making out in the car like a bunch of teenagers.
Suddenly there was a tapping sound on the car window.
Merrick jumped from his skin.
Wheatley stood on the other side of the car and made him roll down his window.
"You know those two or are you just perv," he asked with a gravelly voice.
"Some would say both," Merrick replied.
"Wonderful. Let me in. I have a proposition for you."
AN: I wrote this a while ago and didn't know where to put it. So. here it as a flashback, because. You know. Who doesn't like First Date EO. LOL