Chapter 6: Forgiveness

"What are you doing?"

Chandler turned away from where he was painting the walls of the nursery bright blue. The room had up until recently been Rachel's room. It was a few weeks after the shotgun, courtroom wedding, in which time Chandler and Rachel had essentially swapped apartments. Chandler only hoped that Joey would be able to control himself with a female roommate.

Since then, Chandler had thrown himself into his duties as a father and a husband. He had gone to Mattress King to get him and Monica a new mattress, only to then still insist on sleeping on the floor of the baby's room, lest the purchase of the mattress was putting any undue pressure on Monica for them to sleep together as husband and wife.

From now on, Chandler was extremely conscientious about not doing anything that might take a choice out of Monica's hands. For example, sleeping with him, platonically or otherwise. If she wanted to, it had to be her choice. He had tried not to read too much into her inner thoughts or what she might be thinking after she had finally sheepishly invited him into her bed with her. They slept side by side every night now, but they had yet to consummate their marriage. As of right now, Chandler didn't expect her to have sex with him, and he wasn't holding his breath. She may have agreed to marry him, but did that mean she forgave him? It wasn't his place to assume.

He studied his wife now, as she appraised the space, a hand running over her pronounced, swollen belly.

"Painting," he told her. "We're having a boy, so I figured…" He blanched, cursing himself. "That is unless…. This isn't the color you wanted…."

Monica chuckled, gliding over to him. Her smile was almost amused. "You don't have to second-guess every decision you make just because you're afraid of taking one away from me, you know."

Chandler grinned sheepishly, astonished that she could read him so well. "I'm trying to make it up to you…"

Silence. Monica averted her eyes, feeling caught in an emotional tempest, and it couldn't entirely be blamed on account of the hormones. She wasn't even angry so much with Chandler anymore about the sperm donor profile, not really, but…. But did that mean that she…? She wasn't sure.

Suddenly, Monica started, at the feeling akin to a butterfly's wings fluttering from inside her stomach. She could sense how Chandler noticed.

"Mon….?"

Silently, she took his hand and guided it to her belly, in a kind of peace offering. Chandler stared down at where his hand rested on her stomach. He'd been so afraid to so much as touch her, after everything that had led them here to his place and this moment.

He felt something kick, right under his palm and it took all his willpower not to jerk his hand away as if burned. The… the baby was moving….

"Is…. Is that….?"

Monica beamed. "That's our baby, Chandler."

He gazed at her with childlike wonder. "Can he hear me?"

"I think so…. That's what the doctor says…" She had been quite dogged about going to her ultrasound appointments. Chandler had refrained from inserting himself into that procedure, electing instead to wait and see if Monica wanted to include him. So far, she had not. But maybe someday soon…? Even so, the arrangement seemed odd, considering they were married.

Another kick. "Think he'll be good at sports?" Chandler wondered.

Monica smirked and rolled her eyes. "He will be whatever he wants to be."

Chandler nodded eagerly. She was right, of course. Their son would be whatever he wanted to be - and it would be his choice.

Yet another kick.

Monica let out a throaty chuckle. "He likes hearing Daddy's voice…."

Chandler smiled weakly. Daddy….

Monica was sitting up in bed and stewing. She felt hot and bothered, and her thoughts were fixated on Chandler.

These past few months since their wedding, he had been almost overly careful in acting like nothing less than a prince, waiting on her hand and foot. He had painted the nursery and baby-proofed the apartment. He was even reading the self-help books that she had bought and was consulting Ross, Carol and Susan for their parenting advice.

Damn him! Damn him for being so sweet and attentive! And damn him for looking so…. So….. sexy while doing it!

It had been ever a pleasant surprise, to see this side of Chandler. A mature man who took responsibility for his actions. A man who clearly was committed, committed to her, in a way that she had never seen him be with any other woman. Of course, no other woman had been placed in a position to carry his baby, but even so…. The Chandler she was seeing now was not the Chandler she had known before. She was almost unnerved to admit that she rather liked what she saw.

A tiny part of her was still angry at him, for doing what he had done and thus throwing them both together by circumstance, but this was growing weaker by the day. Weaker still by how she was more and more being consumed by lustful thoughts surrounding her best friend. Her best friend who was now her… her husband….

Growling, Monica hiked up her skirts over her hips and began to touch herself, giving in to these lustful thoughts, if only in the privacy of her own - their - bedroom. She fantasized about Chandler with his hands on her, Chandler with his mouth on her….

She hadn't been lying, at their wedding - for all his woes about his success with women, Chandler really was a damn good kisser. Monica stroked at her soaked slit and hummed out a moan.

"Hmmm…. Chandler…. Chandler…."

"OH! I'm so sorry!"

Monica's eyes flew open and she gasped, freezing mid-stroke. She hadn't even heard the door open, much less heard Chandler come in. Her husband was now frozen in the doorway and gawping at her. She blushed furiously.

To his credit, Chandler performed an adorable about-face and started to flee from the room to give her privacy, averting his eyes out of respect.

"Wait!" Monica cried, cursing herself for the desperation in her voice. She nearly rolled off the damn bed in her attempt to lurch after him.

Chandler still wouldn't look at her. "I'm sorry; I didn't realize you wanted to be alone…"

"I don't want to be alone," Monica rasped.

Chandler turned back to her by slow degrees, staring at her in wonder. He could clearly see the dark lust in her eyes. Monica weakly smiled.

"Come here," she murmured.

Chandler edged towards the bed cautiously. Once he was within reach, Monica tackled him to the bed and moved to straddle him. She felt Chandler's arms encircle her, dazed.

"You…. Do you really want to…?"

Monica kissed him to shut him up. "Yes," she whispered.

Their lips went back to a grappling war of attrition for all of a beat before Chandler jerked back. "This isn't because the hormones are making you do it, is it?"

Smirking, Monica swatted him.

Kissing hungrily, the couple undressed each other with an odd kind of reverence. Feeling their naked bodies pressed together, Chandler glanced down between them, eyes wide. "Well, I think it's safe to say what little was left of our friendship is effectively ruined!"

Monica grinned, eyes sparkling. "Well, we weren't that close anyway!"

Kissing each other deeply, Chandler let her take the lead. He was shocked when she abruptly rolled them both so that he was on top and she spread her legs for him, encouraging him to fuck her.

They had sex, the bed springs creaking underneath them in metronomic perfect time. Monica let out an awkward giggle.

"What is it?" Chandler breathed.

"I'm…. I'm actually having a really good time!" Monica laughed.

Chandler chuckled, the sound quickly turning into a groan. "Same here… I…. I love you…..."

She held his eyes, the orbs pleading. "I know. Don't hold back…." She whispered.

"Ohhhh…." Chandler thrust into her faster, into weak little bursts until at last he came inside her with a shudder.

Chandler and Monica held each other, sweat-slicked and spent, basking in the post-coital afterglow.

Monica turned her head when she heard Chandler sniffle, and she was flabbergasted to see that he was crying. "I wasn't that bad, was I?" She cracked.

"You can say otherwise, but I…. I know this is because of the hormones, for you. You don't have to sleep with me because you pity me…."

Monica stared at him, her heart going through a spasm. "Chandler…"

"I know this isn't what you wanted," he warbled. "You wanted Richard, and instead you're stuck with me!"

"Well, maybe I want to be stuck with you!" Monica burst out.

She drew an amazed hand to her mouth the instant after the words left her lips, even though she was unnerved by how much they rang true. Monica pondered Chandler now. Ran her fingers through his hair. Gazed deep into his eyes.

All she saw there was enough to make her own irises fill with tears. She shook her head.

"You're not lying. You really do love me!" Drawing him close, she kissed him. She whispered into his mouth:

"I hate that I love you, Chandler Bing, you absolute jackass!"

Several months later, Monica was hollering and straining through the pains of labor.

At her side, Chandler was peppering his wife's face with kisses, murmuring sweet nothings to her, telling her he loved her, she was amazing, she was so brave….

At last, a wail pierced the cacophony of the delivery room, bringing all noise to a halt. Monica now watched as a red and squawking thing was lifted from her body…

…. And the world stopped turning.

It was agony to wait even a moment for the baby to be cleaned. Chandler was sobbing and doing a horrible job of hiding it as he cut the umbilical cord. When Monica finally felt their son being pressed into her arms, against her skin, she started to weep with joy.

"Ch - Chandler…"

"Yes?" Her husband was at her side, dutiful and attentive as ever.

Monica grinned at him. "Darling, I love you, but I wasn't actually talking to you."

It took Chandler a moment to get it. When he did, his blue eyes were huge with speechlessness. He had figured, when they had discussed baby names early on, that Monica would go ahead with the names she had had picked out since she was a little girl: Daniel for a boy, and Emma if it was a girl. But this... "Wh…. What…?"

Monica smirked. "Chandler Bing, Jr. sounds like a fine name, don't you think?"

He gazed at her in wonder. "You…. You would do that? For me?"

She nodded, tears slipping down her cheeks. Then, before she had even had time to process the words, they were out of her mouth:

"…. I forgive you…."

Chandler nearly choked, slack-jawed. "What did you say….?"

"I said I forgive you," Monica smiled, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "And I love you. I'm just sorry it took me so long to realize it, and after I treated you so horribly…." She tilted her head, studying her husband, who, true, had made some mistakes, but had often done so with only the best of intentions. Monica took a deep breath.

"Will you marry me again, Chandler? If I asked you to?"

Chandler's expression collapsed. "Of course. If… if you'll have me."

She beamed, running her fingers through his hair. "I do. Because you…" and she gazed at him, sick with adoration. "You stepped up because you wanted me to be happy. You were willing to risk our friendship and nearly did because you…. You loved…." She broke down in sobs.

Chandler was crying too, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. He kissed her, long and lingering.

"How about next time, we have a discussion before having another baby?"

Monica laughed wetly, and the couple touched lips chastely. Drawing away, she smiled.

"Shall we let the others in?"

"We better - I'm amazed Joey hasn't broken down the door yet!"

They married the following year, in a quiet and intimate church wedding this time. Now a toddler, little Chandler Bing Jr. was beginning to develop that precocious habit of stomping everywhere he went, which now included prowling up the aisle and bearing the rings on behalf of his parents. Rachel and Phoebe corralled him to stand over with them, holding him close as Monica and Chandler exchanged rings and vows.

Monica went first. "Chandler…. For so long, I wondered if I would ever find my prince. My soulmate. Then, I ended up getting pregnant by someone who, if you had asked me even a few years ago, would have been the last person I expected to be with, much less have a child with…. And instead, in spite of what we had to work through to get here, I found everything I've been looking for my whole life. Now, here we are, with our future before us…. and I only want to spend it with you: my prince. My soulmate. My friend. The father of my baby…." She leaned in close so that the last part was only just for him. "My husband…."

In the interim between vows, Chandler Jr. warbled out a plaintive, "Mama!" and tried to reach for Monica, while Rachel and Phoebe gently held the little boy back, murmuring quiet assurances to him.

Chandler gazed deep into Monica's eyes. "Monica, I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I'd ever have to do…. But when I saw you walking down that aisle, I realized how simple it was: I love you…." She beamed at him beatifically. Chandler glanced over her shoulder to take in the sight of their little boy, now reaching for him. "Any surprises that come our way, it's OK, because I will always love you – both of you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You want to know if I'm sure….?"

He knew it was too early, but frankly he could give a damn. He kissed her, long and lingering, Monica melting into the wedding embrace. Joey, who had agreed to marry them, didn't even look that miffed at being upstaged, hastily muttering out, "Er…. You may kiss the bride," rushing to the end.

The entire congregation burst out into applause. Only now did Rachel gently allow Chandler Jr. to break free and the little boy pelted on chubby little legs to fling himself into the midst of his parents. Laughing, Chandler lifted him up and held both his son and his wife close. They were his….. and he was never going to let this go.