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Gladitoria: Part 1
"He's what?!" Lard Nar exclaimed.
"Um, st-still alive?" Shloonk said.
"How is that even possible?!" Lar Nar dramatically said in dismay.
"I told you that you couldn't take them out separate from each other," Bob said.
"We were so close! It was pure fluke his brother woke up in time to save him. It was pure fluke he got through the fifty SIRs and lived!" Lard Nar insisted.
"Well now the Resisty presence surrounding Irk is wiped out, and they didn't go nicely," Spleenk sadly said, shaking his head.
Lard Nar whimpered, guilt filling him. "Um, Mr. Lard Nar? Maybe you're overreaching when it comes to your plans?" Bob said.
"What else am I supposed to do?" Lard Nar hopelessly asked. "Why can't they just go quietly? I don't want them to suffer. I just want them gone! All I meant to do was save as many people as possible. Instead, I'm costing them their lives!"
Bob was quiet. He wasn't sure how to answer that. "At least you're trying?" he offered.
"What good is trying if it gets you nowhere?" Lard Nar defeatedly asked.
"I mean, maybe if you keep hounding them, they'll be willing to make a deal of some kind," Spleenk said.
"Spleenk, every idea you have is a bad one," Lard Nar said.
"Actually, this one might not be. If you keep wearing the Tallest down, maybe they will be open to brokering a deal," Bob said.
"How so?" Lard Nar asked, staring forlornly up at the roof.
"They don't care about anyone except one another. If you keep almost killing them, it's possible they might give in at least a little bit. If only to protect each other. Maybe it won't stop Operation Impending Doom Two, but it could probably stop the hunting of the Resisty," Bob said.
"Impending Doom Two is the one that needs to be stopped," Lard Nar insisted.
"Hey, look at it this way. Even if the most you'll ever be is a thorn in their sides, it's still something, right?" Shloonk said. "They'll never be able to rest easy or let their guards down. In a way that's kind of a win. You just can't give up is all."
"Right. Never give up! That's our motto," Spleenk said.
"We have a motto?" Shloonk asked.
"No," Lard Nar said. He frowned a little, sitting up. "Though that is a good one. Spleenk, you may have just had a not-terrible idea. Wait! That means miracles do exist!" He leapt up in his chair and jumped up and down. "Oh happy days, there's still hope after all!"
"Yeah! Wait, should I be insulted?" Spleenk asked.
"I mean, it was praise," Shloonk offered.
"Then yay me!" Spleenk said.
"I'm in this now too, so I'll help you guys however I can whenever I can," Bob said, perking up a bit.
"Yes, Bob," Lard Nar said, dropping an arm over his shoulders. "And together the Resisty will hold out for however long it must." He let him go and began to pace. One day opportunity will present itself, I know it will." He stopped, grabbing both Shloonk and Spleenk around the necks. "We just have to keep on keeping on. Now let's get to planning!"
"Resisty Rocks!" the four of them cheered together.
IZ
Red woke up still feeling tired and grimaced a little, shoving his hands into his eyes. Ugh, what had happened? Slowly he sat up and blinked tiredly, looking around. He was in his room, so that was a good sign. Wait… His eyes widened and he caught his breath. "Pur!" he exclaimed, leaping out of bed. He floated quickly from his room and hurried to Purple's, throwing open the door. His jaw dropped in alarm. His brother wasn't there! "Purple!" he shouted, floating quickly down the hall towards Medical. He burst into it unannounced, startling everyone inside. They looked quickly at him, eyes wide. "Where's Almighty Tallest Purple?!" Red demanded.
"My Tallest, he's on the docking deck!" a doctor exclaimed.
"Why is he up at all?!" Red demanded.
They stared at him like he'd gone crazy. "My Tallest, you've been asleep for upwards of a week," the doctor at last replied. Red stared at her blankly. She shifted uncomfortably. Turning, he floated away without a word more.
IZ
Red floated out onto the docking deck and spotted Purple up ahead overseeing the docking of the Massive. He shifted a little then floated up next to his brother. Purple looked over at him and lit up, smiling a bit. "It took them a week to get it back?" Red asked.
"No, but I told them to stay there and eliminate the parasites then start stabilizing the base so we can use it," Purple said.
"You know it's risky having the Massive so far away, right?" Red said, raising an eyebrow.
"Not after my purge it wasn't," Purple bluntly said. "The Resisty didn't know what hit it." Red stared at him, then looked towards the ship again. "Are you okay now?" Purple uncertainly asked.
"Fine. What about you?"
"I'll survive."
There was a beat. "They're going for divide and conquer," Red finally said, looking at him again.
"Well then that's their mistake," Purple said. Silence. "To be fair though, I don't think they meant for just you to be taken out when we went against the mechs. I think they were trying to blow us both up, but then we separated and well, we know where that got us."
"The control chips were a plan, not a spur-of-the-moment decision. It's possible they had three ideas going on simultaneously." Red mused.
"The mechs, the self-destruct, and the control chips," Purple said.
"Exactly."
"Maybe they were trying to get the control chips on us both so that we would take each other out," Purple said. "When that didn't work, they probably figured it wouldn't matter because I couldn't have beaten you in a fight anyway. They just underestimated how much control we Irkens have over our Paks. I know for a fact you were holding it back. I've never been able to beat you in any kind of fight ever."
"I wasn't holding it back. I was actively working against it," Red said. "Holding it back wouldn't have done anything."
"The Massive must have been their backup plan's backup plan. Wow, I walked right into that one," Purple said. "They're getting better. I don't like it. They almost took us both out this time."
"Well they're never getting a chance like that again," Red said. "From now on we stick together. Clearly neither of us can go at it solo."
Purple was quiet a beat. "You could," he quietly said.
"Who's been running Irk the last few weeks while I've been either in a coma or sleeping?" Red bluntly asked.
"I mean, a few weeks isn't exactly long-term," Purple said.
"Neither of us can do this without the other, Pur. We learned that a long time ago."
Purple frowned. "You mean when you were trying to take over and grab all the glory for yourself?"
"I was so sure I had it," Red said, frowning a little.
"Right up until the meeting with Meekrob," Purple said.
Red was quiet. "You don't know it, but I think you probably saved my life that day."
"Oh, I know it," Purple said. "I could tell where that one was going the second I saw what you'd drafted up for them in those treaties. Lucky for you I got snoopy in time to fix them and save you." He hesitated. "But you've gotten better at it y'know. You could probably handle it fine now."
"Nah. Never did get a hang of that whole political thing," Red said, brushing it off. Silence a moment. "You know, you were surprisingly calm when you got ambushed by those SIRs. Usually you panic in situations like that."
"I was too focused on making the Resisty pay," Purple said, shrugging. "Besides, I always knew something was off about them."
"I still can't believe you took on fifty," Red said.
"I had to make the Resisty pay," Purple stubbornly repeated, setting his jaw and crossing his arms. "I wasn't going down until I was sure they would too."
Red watched his brother a moment then looked away again. "Sometimes you scare even me," he dryly said. "Glad I know when to stop pushing you."
"You've always been able to tell. Ever since we were smeets. It's like you just inherently know."
"It came with the territory of being twins. Probably figured it out before we can even remember."
Purple nodded. "When's our next space trip?" he asked.
"Going into space right now might put us in the Resisty's sights yet again. I don't know about you, but I'm getting really sick of them trying to kill us."
"Trust me. They'll think thrice next time."
"You mean twice?"
"No, thrice. Or four times. Or five. It really wasn't pretty," Purple said.
"Lard Nar is only getting smarter. We need to start watching our backs better than we have been, or next time we really might be toast," Red said.
"Mmm, toast," Purple said.
"Not the good kind," Red said.
"Well I want the good kind," Purple said, crossing his arms almost poutily.
Red turned to a nearby Service Drone. "Service drone, get us toast!" he ordered.
"Yes My Tallest," the drone said, frantically scurrying away.
"Hey, whatever happened to Bob?" Purple asked.
"We blasted him off with Zim, remember?"
"Yeah, but Zim survived so doesn't that mean Bob probably did too?" Purple asked.
"Hmm, good point. Oh who cares? He's probably Zim's problem now," Red said, brushing it off.
"Yeah! We should send all defectives to Earth," Purple said matter-of-factly. "Ooh, there's the toast!" Quickly he floated off with Red following.
As the Tallest munched on their snacks, the Control Brains set to observing...
Male Brain 2: DNA composition: Almighty Tallest Miyuki, Almighty Tallest Spork. Conceived and injected into a birthing pod in secret. Watched over ever after. Trained by Spork, tutored by Miyuki, guided by both.
Male Brain 1: Irkens have no need for parental figures.
Male Brain 2: Miyuki and Spork remained near nonetheless.
Male Brain 1: Then Miyuki and Spork were defective. This explains their early demise.
Female Brain: Are Red and Purple aware of this connection?
Male Brain 2: The rumors are not unknown to them.
Female Brain: How was it that dual smeets went undetected?
Male Brain 2: Unknown. Deception, trickery, or accident.
Female Brain: The error has worked in Irk's favour.
Male Brain 1: For now.
IZ
"My Tallest, an invitation has come for you," an irken messenger said, facing the Tallest with wide eyes.
They stared down at the small, exchanged looks, and looked back down. "What invitation?" Purple warily asked.
"I'm unsure, My Tallest. It isn't my place to look at your mail."
"Good answer," Red said, taking the message and opening it up. A smirk soon played across his lips. "Finally! A response from Gladitoria."
"Gladitoria? When did you reach out to them?"
"When you were poisoned," Red said.
"I warned you not to without me!" Purple said.
"I had no choice. Rumors that you were out for the count spread fast. Suddenly planets that had so far been holding out against us got a whole lot braver and decided it was the perfect time to press. That's why we met with the Parlimentrians. They claimed they were coming to talk war or peace. They were clearly looking for war. They wanted to strike while they figured Irk was weak. You being there wasn't in their plan," Red said.
"What did Gladitoria want?" Purple asked.
"It wasn't what they wanted. I needed to reach them before the rumors did so I could keep the edge. I let them know the situation, told them straight up that just because one of us was down it didn't mean Irk was, and threatened war or peace. Guess they held off on giving a reply until they heard what was happening from other planets."
"Y'know, they might have also heard what happened to you by now. Maybe they think you're still down for the count. It would explain why the message was so slow coming. That letter might be meant for me," Purple said.
"Hmm… good point," Red said. He handed it over. Purple took it and cracked it open, scanning the words written there. He frowned a little. "What is it?" Red asked.
"A courtesy consolation letter, but more importantly an invitation."
"What does it say?" Red asked.
"Tallest Purple, word has come to us of your co-ruler's unfortunate demise. Gladitoria extends its sincerest sympathies. The whole of our planet weeps with you this day," Purple read.
"Since when does Gladitoria weep for anyone?" Red dryly said.
"Plus they got their signals crossed. You're not dead," Purple said, sounding a little disgruntled.
"What else does it say?"
"It says: Before his passing, Tallest Red reached out to us to discuss a matter of war or peace and which direction we would choose to go. We had intended to invite him here to go over this matter, but it seems it will be you, now, who we bargain with. Please feel free to drop by Gladitoria any time. We have snacks. And games. We think you would quite like them. They may be just what you need to take your mind off the unfortunate passing of your consort."
"Your what now?" Red dryly asked.
"I really don't understand how no one can figure out we're twins. I mean, it's not that hard," Purple flatly said.
"Siblings aren't exactly a thing that exists among Irkens, my Tallest," the messenger Irken said.
They both turned to him like they'd forgotten he was there, then narrowed their eyes. The Irken shifted uncomfortably. Predictably, the next moment he was sent out a window screaming.
"Y'know, he might be onto something," Purple said, watching after him with Red, then turning to his brother. "I never really thought about it before, but do you know about any other Irken siblings?
"Hmm… Come to think of it, no," Red said, realization dawning in his eyes. "Not even any past co-tallest were siblings."
"Maybe we're just that superior," Purple said.
"Yeah," Red said. He was a bit unsettled by this new revelation though. The harder he tried to think of an example of other siblings, the more he was starting to realize just how anomalous him and Purple really were.
"We should go to Gladitoria just to show them you're not dead. And tell them we're brothers while we're at it. Plus they have snacks and games!" Purple said.
"I'm not sure about this. I don't like that they waited until after they figured I was dead to contact you," Red said.
"Please, Red? Please? Come on. It'll be a break from the Resisty! Like a mini vacation," Purple said. Red hesitated. "We need to broker a treaty with them anyway! Besides, I really, really wanna go," Purple insisted.
Red sighed. "Fine. But if this goes wrong, I told you so."
"Yay! You're the best!" Purple said, bear-hugging him. Red stiffened at the contact, then groaned hopelessly, giving up. Why did he do this to himself, he wryly thought?
IZ
"We're going to Gladitoria. We're gonna have all the snacks. We're gonna have a blast," Purple chanted, merrily floating his way to the Massive. Red followed behind him, blatantly unimpressed. "Gladitoria, here we come!" Purple said, entering the ship. Red rolled his eyes, as best as Irkans could, and looked warily around, still uneasy about the breach with the SIRs. Then he reminded himself that they had all been dealt with. The Massive should be perfectly safe now. Besides, this time they had an actual crew who they knew for a fact weren't defective. Though he sometimes wondered about the comms officer. Not that he'd mention it to anyone. The guy knew what he was doing, after all.
Red glanced over at Purple worriedly as the Massive rose into the sky. He really, really didn't like how the Gladitorians had invited his sibling to meet with them like this. They weren't exactly known for being hospitable. Or nice. Or peaceful. They lived for war and enslaving. They had a mega arena right smack dab in the middle of the Capitol packed daily with fights to the death. He couldn't help but feel like this whole thing was a setup and damned if he let his twin go at it alone.
The trip went by too fast for his liking. They'd hailed Gladitoria about halfway there, just so they'd be ready to receive their guests. They'd made like it was just Tallest Purple. Purple had proposed that idea, so maybe his brother wasn't as oblivious as he'd thought, which was good. When the doors of the Massive opened revealing the both of them, they could see clearly the blatant shock that passed over the armed and armored—it should be noted—Gladitorians awaiting their arrival. They looked like they'd been ready to take prisoners right then and there, but the minute they saw the both of them, they lifted the weapons like they were pleasantly surprised.
"Almighty Tallest!" Gladitoria's Emperor said in shock. "There-there are two of you?"
"Yep. My brother, FYI, not consort, didn't die. He just was in a coma. He got better," Purple said, gesturing to Red. "We're here for the treaty talks. And for the snacks and games!"
"B-brother? Snacks and games? Oh-oh yes, the err, snacks. And games," the Gladitorian Emperor said. "Feel free to tour around our city as well. In fact, why not do that now? We're still setting up for the uh, the treaty talks. There are plenty of snacks in the city, I assure you."
"Sounds good to me," Purple said.
"Yeah. Good," Red warily said.
"In fact, take as much time touring and vacationing in our capitol as you'd like. It might even be a day or two. We'll summon you to the table when we're prepared," the Emperor said.
"Woo hoo!" Purple cheered, pumping his arms into the air and floating down the ramp. Red hesitated then followed after him, shooting the Gladitorians a wary look. The Gladitorians didn't seem aggressive right now, so here was hoping he had just been paranoid. Just in case, though, he took to trailing behind Purple a little way. Only to keep an eye on him of course, and make sure he didn't get himself into trouble. Or get himself killed. Speaking of, time to keep a close eye out for any potential assassins that might be lurking around as well.
IZ
Why did everyone here just look suspicious all the time? Red hated every second of this. He absolutely couldn't shake the feeling that they were being hunted. In fact, he was ninety-nine percent sure of it, so he needed to be particularly on his game. He didn't want this 'vacation' to be ruined for Purple, so he'd keep the assassin thing to himself, but that meant his vigilance would need to be through the roof for them both. "Ooh, let's try these!" Purple said, pointing to a snack booth. Red glanced at it. It seemed like some kind of cream-filled pastry. It did look good. Purple floated up to the vendor. "Two please." The vendor gave him a cold look—clearly Irkens weren't the favorites around here—and handed two of the pastries over.
"Why not try this fine drink as well?" another vendor in the booth said, holding up some sort of liquid in a small bottle.
"What is it?" Purple asked, taking it curiously.
"A Gladitorian delight. Take a sip and see," the vendor said.
Purple brought it near to his mouth and suddenly Red had a flashback to the poisoning incident and gasped. "Give me that! I go first," he exclaimed, going to grab it but purposely making sure he knocked it out of his brother's hand instead.
"Hey!" Purple said as it shattered on the ground.
"Well then next time I get it first," Red said.
"Why should you?" Purple demanded.
"Because I spilled out of the birthing pod first," Red replied.
"That's a stupid reason," Purple said, frowning at him.
"I can get you more!" the vendor said quickly.
"Do that. Wait! Is it alcoholic?" Purple asked.
"Yes," the vendor carefully replied.
"Oh, then never mind. That stuff doesn't agree with me," Purple said. "Red likes it though."
"I'm not thirsty," Red said.
"You were the one that wanted to try first," Purple replied.
"Well I changed my mind! Come on, let's go. There's probably a million more snacks out there to try. I can have something to drink later."
"Right! To the concessions!" Purple said, floating ahead. Red glanced at the puddle of liquid and spotted a little Gladitorian rodentia sniffing at it. It began to lap then suddenly seized up and collapsed. Red's eyes widened a little and he glanced up at the vendors, who were glaring darkly at him.
"The drink doesn't agree with them either," the vendor who had offered it said.
Red narrowed his eyes at them, then left, floating after Purple. Definitely time to get on top of his game. As they passed under a tall building, he looked up and gasped. A huge pot was falling from it! "Think fast!" he blurted, practically tackling Purple from behind. Purple cried out in alarm as he hit the ground. The pot shattered behind them.
"Hey! What was that for?" Purple demanded, giving him an annoyed look.
"Impromptu training! Reflex and awareness training. Apparently you really need to work on the awareness part."
"I'm aware! Usually," Purple said.
"Maybe me being out of the picture was good for you. You were plenty aware then I'll bet. Clearly you get lazy when I'm here."
"Well forgive me for not figuring I'd be tackled by my brother out of nowhere," Purple said.
"It's not always going to be me who's behind you. What if I drift off to check something out and someone sneaks up? What then?"
"I came here for vacation, not to be lectured," Purple dryly said.
"No, we came here for treaties. Vacation was secondary," Red said. "Just keep an eye out, okay? Don't forget we're not exactly friendly with the Gladitorians."
"You worry too much."
"And you're not worrying enough." Just then he spotted someone peeking out a window aiming a projectile and gasped. "Think fast again!" he blurted, tackling Purple a second time.
"Red, knock it off," Purple whined as the projectile sailed over their heads and hit the wall.
Red stared at it in mortification, then quickly rose and scrambled to hide said projectile. "For now, but no promises. You need to learn how to be ready for anything."
"Ooh, more snacks," Purple said like he hadn't even heard him. Red scowled, face-palming. "Mmm, a custard and jam dessert."
"Sure. Delicious," Red said, eyes darting everywhere.
"Are you okay? You seem a little tense," Purple said, giving him a dubious look.
"Me? Tense? What makes you say that?"
"The fact you love custard and barely acknowledged what I just said."
"Two of those," Red said to the vendor, pointing to the custard dishes.
"You haven't even had your pastry," Purple said.
Red shoved it into his mouth defiantly. "Mmm, delicious," he said. Purple raised an eyebrow but then shrugged it off and took the two desserts as soon as they were ready.
"We should check out a museum," Purple said, starting to cross a street. Red looked to the left and gasped, seeing a chariot barrelling down on them. He grabbed his brother, dragging him quickly back. "Uh, thanks?" Purple said.
"Look both ways!" Red snapped testily.
Purple gave him an unimpressed look. "Y'know, you should really try and loosen up."
"Y'know, you should really start working on your self-preservation," Red said.
"You know I could have flown over that thing, right? Or even out of its way?"
"I didn't know you'd even seen it!" Red replied.
"Well I did. I'm more aware than you think, Red." He frowned when he noticed how on edge Red still seemed to be. "Maybe we should take a seat and eat our snacks for a bit before heading to the museum."
"Sure," Red said. Sitting sounded safe. Right? Purple perched on a bench. Red stared at it uneasily.
"I'm still alive," Purple dryly said.
Red grimaced and sighed, then sat next to his brother and began to eat the custard dessert. "What museum were you thinking of seeing?"
"Whichever one we find first of course. Maybe we can buy their art."
"Unlikely. Besides, the Citadel's not exactly geared for art."
"Well maybe it should be. At least parts of it."
"Irkens don't need art," Red said, frowning at him.
"No one has to know," Purple replied, brushing it off.
"You remind me of Miyuki," Red dryly said.
Purple was quiet a beat. "Do I?" he finally and tentatively asked, suddenly paying close attention.
Red hesitated a moment then sighed. "You were always her favorite," he somewhat bitterly said. "You and she shared a lot of the same interests and both of you had that talent for diplomacy and the most social aspects of ruling."
"Well you were Spork's favorite," Purple said, frowning. "He let you get away with everything."
Red smirked. "Because the things I got away with were things he approved of. Not so much Miyuki. I shared a lot of his interests and his militaristic flare."
For a moment they were both quiet. "It's been a long time since we talked about them, hasn't it?" Purple finally asked.
"Yeah," Red said. "Yeah, it has."
Purple shifted a little. "Do you think the rumors…"
"It doesn't matter now whether they were true or not. Irkens don't need parents anyway."
"I mean, we kind of had them given how much time we spent being trained by them. They always kept us around," Purple replied.
"Sneaky way to secure a bloodline and legacy if they were our DNA doners. Or even conceived then implanted us in the birthing tube, which I guess is pretty well the same thing. It would have pretty well guaranteed we'd get tall like they were and take on the figurative throne after they were gone."
"And carry on their ideals since they taught us them," Purple said.
Red was quiet a moment. "Not so sure how happy they'd be with how we ultimately turned out," he finally said.
"I don't think they figured we'd have to take on the role so young either though," Purple pointed out. "I mean, they can forgive us some failures for that, right?"
"They can't do anything anymore," Red replied, finishing the dessert, standing, then tossing it into a waste bin. "Come on. We shouldn't stay in one place long. Just in case. Just because this is a vacation doesn't mean we can let our guards down. Especially not on enemy territory with the Resisty hounding us."
"Right," Purple said, standing up and tossing his own. He hesitated. "But uh, can we talk a little more about Miyuki and Spork?"
"I'd really rather not."
"You never want to," Purple said, frowning.
"Because we weren't supposed to even have the type of relationship we had with them!"
"Well now the Control Brains aren't around to monitor us," Purple said.
"Watch it," Red testily said, turning on him. "We don't start talking like that about the Control Brains. We're not defectives, remember?" Purple crossed his arms and harrumphed, looking away from him. "What do you want from me, Pur?! Miyuki and Spork are dead, end of story! Now we just have to focus on making sure we don't get dead with them. Especially not at Zim's hand." Purple was quiet. "The silent treatment? Seriously?! Fine! Be that way. I was getting sick of hearing you talk anyway." Purple shrank back a bit, looking wounded. Red didn't bother apologizing, just stormed off kind of forgetting the whole reason he was hovering around Purple in the first place. Purple lamely trailed after him.
"You govern like she did. I can see the resemblance," Purple said, determined not to let this conversation drop. "You're always calm and collected, and you prefer showing mercy over having people flat-out executed."
"We're not talking about this," Red replied.
"I govern more like Spork!"
"What? More selfish, self-centered, and panicked? Yeah, I see the resemblance between you two."
"Hey! Spork was a great leader," Purple said. "In the, y'know, five minutes he was one."
"One, it was longer than that. Two, if you think Miyuki wasn't giving him some say in what was going on even before then, you're delusional," Red said.
"He always went for executions over exile. He was more ruthless like I am."
"He also used to panic in high-pressure situations like you, until Miyuki slapped him out of it and forced him to get his head in the game."
"I mean, battle prowess was more his skillset than hers. He was a great commander when he was focused. Like you are. She just needed to remind him of it sometimes."
"I said enough about Miyuki and Spork!" Red shouted, spinning on him.
"Are we supposed to just pretend they didn't influence us?" Purple asked.
"We're supposed to pretend we didn't give a damn about them either way!" Red said.
"But we did!"
"Mom and dad, Miyuki and Spork, whatever they were, are dead. Let it go," Red ordered.
Purple crossed his arms in frustration, looking away. It was always difficult talking to Red about this kind of stuff. It wasn't that Purple was much more inclined to go back to that time than his brother was, just… he was maybe more curious and open about it. Red wanted to block it all out and pretend it never happened. His brother was like Spork in that. Purple had more of Miyuki. He looked back to say something to his sibling, but saw that Red had already floated away. A little alarmed, he looked around for him. Where had he gone? "Red? Red!" he called. Concerned, he kept floating in the direction they'd been heading. Maybe he could still catch up to his brother.
IZ
"Stupid Purple and his stupid… whatever. Miyuki and Spork this, Miyuki and Spork that. Since when did he even start caring about them again anyway?" He paused, frowning a little and looking around. Uh, where was he again? He searched for a sign of his brother or any of his fellow Irkens, but all he saw were clearly wary and sometimes flat-out hostile Gladitorians, whose gazes were fixed on him. He frowned. "What are you all looking at?!" he sharply snapped. They exchanged looks and began to mutter. "I don't have time for this! Get back to work or you'll have double the amount when Irk takes over!" Now the gazes were full-on hostile, but he absolutely did not give two flying florps at this point. Testily he floated onward. Where the heck was Purple? "Purple!" he sharply called. "Pur!" Unbelievable. Well, the guy had wanted to go to a museum so he might as well head to the nearest one and hope for the best.
He started on his way, but all of a sudden, just as he was passing by an alley, he heard a voice shout, "Now!" He barely had time to react before suddenly he was piled on. He shouted in alarm and tried to call out the mantis-like limbs of his PAK before a jolt suddenly went through it. He shouted in pain, back arching, and the legs immediately retraced. He fought with everything else he had, but swarmed like this, movement wasn't proving easy and it seemed more and more were joining in subduing him! What kind of cheap shot was that? How had this even happened?! He'd been following Purple for the sole purpose of protecting him and somehow now he was the one in trouble? You had to be kidding! He preferred when it was Purple who was the one in distress, he decided. At least in that situation he felt like he had some measure of control and everything would be okay. This was the exact opposite of that, and he cursed his ill fortune. Stupid, stupid… How did he even get into this situation?! Not that he had long to think about it before a powerful surge of electricity went through him causing him to cry out in pain before going unconscious.
IZ
It was going on three hours since last he'd seen Red. At this point, Purple was starting to get worried. Had his co-ruler really been that mad at him? He tapped his fingers together looking uneasily around at the wary and hostile faces of the Gladitorians. For the first couple of hours, he'd been having the time of his life. For the last though, as Red's absence started to weigh on him, he was starting to get uncomfortable and uneasy. He always felt safer when Red was around. Together they could take on anything. Whenever they were apart, things seemed to go horribly wrong. Poisoning incident notwithstanding. He decided to make for the ship again. Maybe Red was back there.
When he arrived and there was no Red, his concern grew. "Has anyone seen Tallest Red?" he asked the Irkens aboard. The Irkens exchanged puzzled looks and shrugs before turning back to him and shaking their heads. "Well that's just great! Find him or you're all gonna be executed," Purple said, crossing his arms.
"Where last did you see him, My Tallest?" the comms officer asked.
"Um, towards the big coliseum," Purple said.
"Why did you separate?" the comms officer incredulously asked.
"Maybe I annoyed him a bit," Purple said. They all stared at him incredulously and he shifted. "More than usual," he lamely added.
"We'll set out to find him immediately," the comms officer said.
"Good. Don't come back here until he's with you," Purple said.
"My Tallest, a message from the Emperor of Gladitoria," another irken said.
"Answer it," Purple said.
An image of the Emperor popped up on the screen. "Ah, Almighty Tallest Purple. We hail you most fondly. Are you ready for the treaty talks?"
Purple shifted a bit and looked around like Red would magically appear. "Um, not quite."
"What's the matter My Tallest?" the Emperor asked. "Where's your brother?"
"He's… lost," Purple lamely said.
"I see. Well, come nonetheless. It's said you are better at politics than he is anyway. I will send men to search for him and bring him to join us at the table," the Emperor said.
"I really think I should wait," Purple said.
"Nothing's stopping you from looking the treaties over. Perhaps, if you'd like to pass the time until your brother gets here, you can even join us at a game! We have snacks," the emperor sang, holding up a cake of some kind Purple's eyes widened. That had to be the most delicious-looking cake he'd ever seen. "Perhaps your brother will even join us once we've found him."
"I mean, since you're offering," Purple said.
"Err, My Tallest, wouldn't it be wiser to wait for Tallest Red?" the comms officer said.
"What, you think I can't hack it on my own? I'll show you! I'll show you all!"
"Yes My Tallest," the comms officer defeatedly replied.
IZ
Purple arrived at the grand palace with no less than ten Irken soldiers behind him, for which the comms officer had been immensely relieved. Purple bet the guy hadn't thought he'd think of that. Well he had! "Tallest Purple, welcome!" the Emperor jovially greeted. "I trust you experienced the finest our city had to offer?"
"As much of it as I could before I noticed Red hadn't come back," Purple replied. "The snacks are really something. Ooh, and the art! Your people weren't exactly hospitable, but other than that it was great."
"Apologies for my people, My Tallest. I'll decree to them they are to treat you with more respect and dignity in future."
"Not that they'll have much choice," Purple said. The emperor grimaced a bit uncomfortably. "So, treaties or games?"
"Look over the treaties first, then take some time to think on them while we visit the coliseum for the grand games," the Emperor said.
"Show me to the treaty room," Purple said.
"Yes My Tallest," the Emperor said, beckoning for Purple to follow. Purple did so with his entourage in tow.
IZ
Purple read over the treaties with a frown on his face. These were decidedly not favourable to Irk. Not in the slightest. "You've gotta be kidding," he dryly said, giving the Emperor a look.
"Think them over. I'm sure you'll change your mind," the Emperor said.
"Well I won't," Purple replied. "If you want peace, I suggest you rewrite it. It's gonna be war otherwise, and you're really not gonna like it."
"You're talking peaceful takeover, not peace," the Emperor said.
"It's better than violent takeover," Purple said. "One way or another we'll get our way, Emperor. You just decide how many lives you want lost in the process."
"As I've said, I'm certain you'll change your mind after you've thought about it for a bit. Now come. The games are about to begin. You certainly won't want to miss those. Violent, bloody, just up your alley. Some of Gladitoria's most fearsome beasts and greatest warriors will make a showing. Witness the prowess of our elite and bask in their glory. Plus, the snacks too. Tell me, do you drink much for alcohol?"
"No," Purple warily said.
"Would you make an exception for some of our finest Gladitorian winov?"
"Fine," Purple said. "But only one glass!"
"Sip it slow, my liege," the Emperor said.
"Hey, I like that. My liege," Purple said, pleased by the title.
"Of course you do," the Emperor said. "Now let us away to the Coliseum of Glory!"
"And the snacks," Purple said.
"Yes, yes, those too. We have quite the surprise in store for you indeed to really put the cherry on top of your visit here."
"A surprise?"
"Oh yes. And this one will really knock it out of the sploodleball court."
IZ
Red, arms bound behind him in chains, gawked in horror at the wall of Irken skeletons before him, each one with a plaque above them.
Invader Scourge
Invader Cor
Invader Ken
Invader Vim
Invader Bin
Invader Plore
Invader Lee
Invader Fee
And most unsettling of all?
Almighty Tallest _
Oh, this wasn't good. He began struggling against his bonds desperately. He'd tried everything he could think of to break free, but clearly the Gladitorians had experience containing Irken tech. Just great!
"Each one of them fell at the jaws or hands of our mightiest warriors and beasts, each warrior and each beast more powerful than the last. Every single one of them bred or trained for the sole purpose of at last collecting the corpse of an Irken Tallest for display on our walls! Their body will be preserved far better than the bodies of their mindless drones," the jailer declared proudly, a fist to his chest.
"You're dead, do you hear me? Dead!" Red freaked.
"We came so close to having Tallest Spork in our grasps, but of course Tallest Miyuki just had to talk sense into him. 'Our smeets are waiting for us at home' she said. Hah! As if Irkens have offspring!"
Red froze in his struggling, blinking blankly as he processed what had just been said. Sharply he looked at the jailer. "She said what?" he said.
"Oh Spork, our smeets are waiting for us at home. Oh Spork, please. They need you. Oh Spork, don't leave me to raise them alone. Pfft, not a shocker he was dumb enough to fall for something like that. She probably could have persuaded him into believing he was a blorgark if she wanted to. Tricking him into believing he was a father would have been nothing for her."
"Shut up!" Red snapped furiously. "You shut your mouth about Miyuki and Spork!"
"Are you ready for your debut, Tallest Red? We're all dying to see you struggle."
"You can forget a peace treaty!" Red shouted.
"Someone especially can't wait to see you. He's been worried about where you've been, disappearing into thin air like you did." Red's eyes slowly widened as it dawned on him what they meant. The jailer bent over him mockingly. "Let's see what your twin brother is willing to give up to save your life." Red tried to go at him and shouted in pain when an electrical shock went through him and kept going until he collapsed, on the verge of unconsciousness.
"You. Are so. History," Red hissed, looking darkly up at him.
"No. That's what you'll be if your brother doesn't give in, though. Let's see him politic his way out of that. Try to have fun now."
"History!" Red shouted. The jailer just laughed and Red cursed his luck. Fine. Just fine. He'd make it out of this. No matter what it took.
IZ
Purple watched in utter fascination as the games went on. Each gladiator was better than the last! The beasts were nothing to scoff at either. Sometimes they came out on top, and that was never a pretty picture for anyone. He'd been stuffing himself with the desserts the Gladitorians had offered. They really knew how to make 'em. And the winov wasn't bad either. Actually, it was pretty good stuff.
"And now that the greatest of our beasts and gladiators have been determined, it's time to bring out one last challenger who will go head-to-head with them one by one until either they've all fallen to him or he to them," the Emperor said.
"Really? Wow, this guy must be something special."
"Oh, very, very, very special. To you."
"To me?" Purple asked, confused.
"Bring out the challenger!" the emperor ordered.
Purple looked curiously down at the door was lifted up. As it was, though, his eyes slowly began to widen and his jaw began to slacken. The cheers grew louder. Oh no… He shot to his feet in shock, hardly able to believe what he was processing. For a second, he couldn't even find his voice, but when he did he cried, "Red!" Wickedly the Emperor laughed. Purple looked sharply at him and attacked, but was quickly held back. The Irken soldiers immediately moved to defend him, tackling the sentinels off their leader. They were just as stunned as he was to see Tallest Red down there. "What did you do to him?! What did you do!" Purple freaked as the sentinels and Irkens grappled.
"Calm down Pur! Call the soldiers off! I volunteered!" Red called up.
"You what?!" Purple demanded.
"He what?!" the Emperor exclaimed. The Irken soldiers and Gladitorian sentinels stopped, forgetting their little battle in favor of listening in.
"I volunteered, so do me a favor and don't give him what he wants if he tries to pretend like I was a prisoner or something," Red said.
"Red, are you crazy?!" Purple demanded.
"Relax! I've got this," Red said.
"No you don't!" Purple exclaimed.
"Watch and learn, little brother. Watch and learn," Red said, dropping into a fighting stance with mechanical legs protruding from his PAK.
"We're twins!" Purple insisted.
"Release the hogulus!" the Emperor ordered.
Red looked towards the opposite side of the arena with an eyebrow raised, as the door was slowly opened. A bellowing roar echoed out. Purple could only gape in horror. The hogulus immediately charged. The Irken soldiers ran to the edge of the viewing booth to look down in horror. Red narrowed his eyes and charged right back at the beast. Just as he neared it, he dodged out of the way and thrust out a metallic limb, driving it deep into the hogulus and carving a large gash in the creature's flesh. The beast bellowed in pain and rounded on him. Red dodged quickly out of the way again and stabbed its back leg, which buckled. The beast stumbled but didn't go down, instead getting right back up. It opened its mouth wide to devour him. Red jumped upwards so the creature got a mouthful of ground, then sprang onto its back and locked in with his metallic limbs. A bladed weapon sprang from his PAK and he drove it into the beast's back. The beast reared up, but the metallic limbs kept Red in place. It threw itself towards a wall attempting to knock its rider off, but Red sprang off it and began skittering along the walls. It went after him. Red pushed off from the wall, crossing in front of it, and drove his metallic leg into its side again, carving another deep gash. He didn't even take the time to think of anything besides this battle. If he was going to survive, he needed to be fixed on it completely.
"Red!" he heard his twin cry.
"Don't talk to me while I'm fighting, Pur!" he shouted, tuning his sibling out. Purple was a distraction he really didn't need right now. The hogulus turned on him once again, barrelling down. Red ran at it on his robot limbs then dropped to the ground, sliding beneath it and praying he didn't get trampled. As he passed under, he drove the bladed weapon into its underbelly and practically split the thing open. It collapsed with a horrendous sounding screech like metal stopping on metal, and lay still. Red got up, turning quickly with eyes narrowed. He watched it a moment to make sure it was really dead, then relaxed and stood up straight. The cheers echoed loudly. The Emperor stared in disbelief. "Next!" Red ordered, looking defiantly up at the Emperor. Purple held his head in his hands.
"Send forth Sentinus!" the Emperor ordered. Red looked over towards the rest of the closed door—nineteen more he noticed, so he really wasn't relishing this—and saw a particularly large Gladitorian step out dressed in some serious armor with an even more serious weapon on his back. Red turned around to face him. Sentinus let out a battle shout then advanced at a run. Red ran at him right back and tried the same move he'd used on the hogulus, but it was deflected by the attacker's shield. The man slashed at him, getting his back, and Red cried out in pain, but as long as the PAK was intact, everything would be just fine. He turned around and the two went at one another again meeting in a flurry of blades and limbs, tearing into one another without mercy.
IZ
Purple's heart was racing a mile a minute as he gaped at his brother locked in bloody combat with this Sentinus character. Literally bloody. Like, it was flying all over the place. "Have you considered the treaty offer, My Tallest?" the Emperor almost mockingly asked. Purple hardly registered the question. He almost cried out when he saw Sentinus manage to land a second blow, this one to Red's chest. Fortunately, it didn't go deep enough to matter. It had certainly given Purple a scare though. "Your brother is a brave but foolhardy 'volunteer'. Even if he defeats Sentinus, there are eighteen more lying in wait," the Emperor remarked. Purple watched numbly as Red leap on top of his opponent and plunge his mechanical legs down into the body. Why would Red have volunteered for this? It didn't make sense! Just to practice? To show off? Had he met a girl? There was no chance Red would have been that stupid!
"Did you seriously volunteer for this?!" Purple called to his brother.
"Oh yeah. Big time," Red replied, eyes not leaving his still opponent until he was sure the guy was history.
What were you thinking?!" Purple called down to his brother.
"You no talky!" Red shouted, pointing at him. "Just observey!"
"But Red…!" Purple began.
"I'm fine!" Red insisted. "In fact, never better." The next door opened, and a beast darted out almost too fast to register. Red shouted in alarm and dove desperately out of the way, letting it slam into the wall. Immediately he rolled over and drove his PAKs metal limbs into it, impaling it against said wall. It threw itself at him nonetheless, knocking him down, and Red gawked up in horror at duel sets of razor sharp teeth and a long, serpentine tongue in the body of some kind of felid. "What the Irk?!" Red freaked. He blasted it quickly with his PAKs laser and got up again.
"Red, look out!" Purple cried.
"I have it under control, Purple!" Red said, dodging quickly around the beast and keeping it in sight. He so didn't have this under control. He floated above the creature. It turned on him, knocking him out of the air and leaping on his back. He drove the metallic limbs up into it, lifting it off him, and slammed it into the wall. It hissed in wrath and Red swung it around once more, tossing it into the audience who screamed in horror and bolted. It shook itself off, roared, and began going at them. Quickly the Gladitorian sentinels raced to try and subdue it as the Emperor gawked in disbelief.
"Yeah! Go Red!" Purple cheered.
"Don't get comfortable. That was only the third in a long line of many," the Emperor said, giving him a dirty look. Purple shrank down a bit and nervously looked at his brother once more.
Another door opened and Red was immediately slammed against a wall by a massive, blunt weapon. His PAK started to spark a bit as he groaned. Dazed, he pushed himself off the wall a bit and saw the shadow of the massive weapon coming at him. Gasping, he ducked nimbly under it and skittered quickly away to face his new opponent face-to-face. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. That. Was the biggest gladiator he'd ever seen. He screamed in terror when the gladiator began bringing down his weapon again and again. Frantically Red dodged back. Oh he was so out of practice with this. He shouldn't have slacked on his training. He'd been getting lazy since becoming Tallest. Oh this wasn't good. He turned heel and ran in fear. The gladiator chased him around.
Purple, meanwhile, had his fingers nervously at his mouth while the Gladitorian Emperor laughed. Purple gave him a sharp look. "Hey! You just threw one of Irk's greatest combatants into the ring. Red's only toying with him. He's not afraid. He's perfectly okay."
"I'm not okay!" Red was heard shouting from below. He shouted as he was nailed from behind again and sent flying.
"Red!" Purple cried, preparing to leap from the observation area.
"Pur, stay right there! I've got this!" Red shouted, looking up.
"Red behind you!" Purple shouted. Red spun and gasped. Oh he needed to get his head in the game. He dove to the side as the weapon came down at him again, then quickly scrambled up it and drove a gauntlet into the guy's face, knocking him down. He leapt on top and began wailing on him primally. Clearly tech wasn't helpful right now, so primal instinct it was. The opponent grabbed him by the throat, causing him to choke, and threw him across the arena. Red quickly scrambled back up and went at him again. He could do this. The guy wasn't fast, just powerful! All he needed to do was outmaneuver him. It was one of the first lessons Spork had ever taught them! He was letting himself get intimidated by the guy's size, but this fight was easy. Keep close, keep moving, don't let the gladiator get the chance to wind up a swing, and if he managed, dodge and attack simultaneously with the PAK limbs. That was a favorite maneuver of Spork's and extremely effective against slower opponents. Dodging backwards and attacking simultaneously was great against opponents with less range, so he'd have to remember that, but short range wasn't exactly a factor here. The weapon was probably as tall as he was, and that was saying something. Which meant dodge the opposite way of the direction of the swing, don't just dodge by ducking down or diving in the same direction as the swing. A lot more recovery time for the enemy, no recovering time for him.
The hulking gladiator took a wide swing, going for cutting him in half—which he probably would have done let it be known—and Red dove in the opposite direction of the swing, sailing under it by a hair then turning quickly and impaling the man in two places with his PAKs legs while grinning maliciously. Okay. He was starting to get into the swing of it now. The gladiator collapsed to the ground, now past tense, and Red heard another gate open but immediately spun around to face whatever came next. A beast if the pattern held. Yep. A massive creature he didn't know the name of but that looked dangerous. Fast too. Which meant staying on the defensive, waiting for a mistake to be made, and striking hard and powerfully with everything he had at his disposal. PAK lasers, blades, and legs all. He could do this. He could totally do this. He hoped.
IZ
Purple gaped in horror as constantly without letup his brother was barraged by enemies increasingly more powerful. He could see Red getting exhausted. That was evidenced by the eighth opponent who had almost taken him out because of a stupid mistake Red never should have made but luckily recovered from. His brother couldn't go much longer though. That was clear. Red was panting heavily and bent over by the tenth opponent's appearance. The Emperor, however, was getting furious. "Why won't he die?!" the man shouted in wrath. "Kill him Slavius!" The gladiator, armed to the teeth with chains and blades and clad head to foot in nigh impenetrable armor, roared loudly and went at Red.
"You've got this bro!" Purple shouted. He yelped as the Emperor suddenly attacked him with a shout, trying to strangle him. Fortunately, the Irken soldiers tore the man off him. Purple gasped for air, hand going to his throat.
"Your brother is doomed, do you hear me? Doomed! He can't go twenty for twenty! There's no way!" the Emperor insisted.
Purple could only gape. Uproarious cheers echoed out and both of them gasped, looking down. Purple's eyes widened. By pure fluke, Red had pierced his opponent's armor and brought him down, but Red was not in good shape. At all. Quickly Purple turned to the Emperor, who was about to order another gate opened. "Wait! Let him rest! Let's all just take a break. Hey, what about those treaties, huh? We can focus on that for a bit! Just stop this! I don't care if he volunteered for it or not, just stop it!" Purple was seriously starting to doubt there'd been any kind of volunteering going on here. It wasn't like it would be the first time Red had lied to him to try and keep him pacified. In fact, Red sometimes went out of his way to make sure he remained oblivious to stuff that might upset him or get him angry! Either protectiveness or unease drove Red to do things like that. It depended on the situation. "I just want to talk to him!" The Emperor scoffed and raised his hand as if to order another gate opened.
"Emperor, the remaining gladiators are refusing to go out without rest and food, and the beasts are getting ornery. They must be watered. We're also losing observers, which means less monies in our coffers. It may be best to call it for an hour or so. Maybe even for the night," a sentinel said. He moved up to said Emperor and quietly muttered, "Besides, it may give us the opportunity to replenish our gladiators and monsters for if he actually manages to pull this one off."
"Has he eaten recently?"
"No."
"Make sure it stays that way," the Emperor muttered. "If he can't replenish his nutrient requirements and necessary sugar levels, he'll be all the weaker."
"Yes Emperor," the sentinel said.
Purple watched the interaction closely, lekku twitching to try and catch snippets of the conversation, but given the uproarious crowd, that was proving to be impossible. The Emperor turned to Purple. "Very well. He's had enough for now. Let him rest up. Tomorrow morning the games resume. Visit him in the gladiatorial chambers if you wish. It may look like a prison, but don't worry. I assure you it's quite comfortable for our participants."
Purple was highly dubious of that. "Fine," he coldly replied, crossing his arms.