Love's Labours Lost in Space Leela is being too picky over men, especially for a one eyed woman... Then the crew are told to deliver something to Planet Vergon 6. However the planet is forbidden and the galactic law is enforced by a butch but idiotic space captain called Zapp Brannigan.
Eventually they escape to Vergon 6 and it turns out the planet was mined out of its entire dark matter mantle and is in danger of collapsing, so they have to gather up two of every animal, one Male and one female for breeding purposes. Unfortunately the animals are extremely deadly.
Then one animal eats all of the animals. Leela calls it Nibbler and keeps it as a pet.
PlotA fancy restaurant.
Leela is on a date with a guy who doesn't seem bothered that she's a cyclops.
"This place was a great choice. The food is amazing. And such generous portions." said Leela to her date.
"You like the meal just wait until you try these after-dinner mints." said the guy, who is called Doug according to the wiki. But I prefer the characters to state this as that is how stories work!
"Ooooh Doug..." Leela sighed in love. There, now we know he is called Doug.
"You know, Doug, most guys are put off by my eye. It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded." said Leela.
Doug without averting his gaze as they lose themselves in a long romantic stare, slurps up his mint with a long pink lizard tongue. Um...
"Eeeeew!" Leela was disgusted.
Oh yeah that's fair for you to judge! Cyclops!
Planet Express Headquarters.
Bender opens his chest hatch and rummages around for a bottle of beer. He pulls out a box like device with a satellite dish on it.
"What's that thing Bender?" Fry asked.
"My Gaydar." said Bender.
"What's it do?" Fry asked.
Bender found a bottle of beer in his magic interior storage within his cylindrical body. He opened it with his mouth that also acts as a food blender and a bottle opener and other things precisely when needed. "It tells you if anyone nearby is gay..."
"Oh. Okay." said Fry.
"How interesting. My Millennium Ring has Gaydar too!" said Ryou Bakura. Yes he is making a cameo!
"Yeah well my Millennium Sword has Evildar. (Evil locating radar) And right now it's getting a very strong signal from you Bakura..." said Oscar.
Bakura sighed. "Yes I know, my other self..."
...
The titles!
The title gag is "Now in BC. Brain Control, where available." Ie like DS, Dolby Surround sound.
The retro cartoon on the screen the Planet Express ship crashes into is called Bugs Bunny in "The Wacky Wabbit."
...
Planet Express Headquarters. A day later.
Everyone was curious about Leela's date.
"What was wrong with your date last night?" Fry sighed as they drank coffee.
"I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue." said Leela.
"Well Maybe he was put off by your huge eye!" Oscar stated with a frown.
"You're too picky." said Amy.
"Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive violent temper, of course you're gonna be lonely." said Fry.
"There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now can we please stop-" said Leela.
"There's nothing wrong with having high standards if you're a normal human with one head, two ears, two eyes, one nose and one mouth! But you Missy have one eye! One enormous eye in the middle of your face! People don't look like that! So you don't get to be repulsed by a guy with two heads or a lizard tongue!" Oscar ranted. He stopped to catch his breath, panting with rage.
Everyone was speechless.
"He's right you know. Even if a bit blunt. I mean you don't exactly blend in Leela. You have one eye and purple hair. Unless that's changed in the future we don't have one eyed purple haired people." said Fry.
Leela sighed. "I don't know where I came from. I assume my parents were one eyed aliens from some other planet..."
The Professor came in.
"Good news everyone! Everyone gather round the table."
They did so.
"So what's the news Professor?" Fry asked.
"The good news is that I have no deliveries or tasks for you today so you all get the day off." said Farnsworth.
Everyone cheered.
...
They then discussed Leela's date again and her being picky over men when she has one eye!
"The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well." said Zoidberg.
Oscar frowned.
"Do you always say such idiotic things?!"
"You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig, but then later you realise he actually has a really good body." said Amy.
"Or he could be some sort pig man from outer space or the pig man planet..." said Oscar.
"Thank you all for the inspiring advice, but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is." said Leela.
"You're happy being a hypocrite... well la de da Cyclops!" Oscar snapped.
Leela sighed.
"That sounds like a cry for help." said Bender.
A woman screamed horribly. "Aaaaaaaaaagh!"
"No. that sounds like a cry for help." said Oscar.
"Shut the hell up!" Bender yelled at him.
"Bite me." Oscar retorted.
"Bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender replied.
"Guys don't argue..." said Leela.
"Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people." said Amy.
"The Federal Sex Bureau." said Hermes suggesting where they go out tonight.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"A saucy puppet show." said Bender.
Oscar laughed.
"The rotting carcass of a whale." Zoidberg suggested.
"That's just disgusting..." Oscar groaned.
"Hmmmm... I'll pick..." Amy sighed.
...
At a nightclub on stilts like the Jetsons house with hovering platforms with hookers on them. All the dancers are wearing glow in the dark rings.
"Wooooo! Totally retro!" said Amy.
"Why is everyone wearing those rings?" Fry asked.
"Guh! Because no one likes them anymore. Rings are stupid." said Amy.
"I don't think they're stupid. I think they're cool." said Fry.
"Ssssh!" Don't let people hear you say that!" Amy hushed him.
"Hey! Did he say rings are cool?!" A guy yelled.
"No he said they're stupid." said Amy.
"Oh. Cool!" said the black haired guy.
Time lapse, ie later on in the evening...
Fry, Amy, Bender and Leela get drinks.
"I sure hope Oscar's not bored at HQ." said Fry.
"Well he'll have to find something to do, kids aren't allowed in this nightclub." said Leela.
Oscar was bored because the professor had fallen asleep and was snoring loudly.
Another time lapse.
The gang were sat at the table on their second round of drinks.
They see a handsome guy at the bar.
"So what do you think of that guy by the bar?" Amy asked.
"I don't know. Maybe?" Leela sighed.
"Forget it, he's gay." said Bender he gulped down his beer.
"What? How can you tell?" Leela asked.
"I just know these things. I've got what they call gaydar." said Bender.
"There's no such thing." said Leela not believing him.
"No?" Bender gets out from his torso cupboard a box like device with a satellite dish on top. The dish swivels about blooping. "Okay I've got a lock on him." The satellite dish points at the guy at the bar. The Gaydar device beeps. "Yep. He's gay.
"Are you sure?" Amy asked.
"Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon." said Bender. How can a balloon be gay?!
"I'm picking up interference from your ass." said the black haired guy from earlier who asked if Fry said the rings were cool.
"Shut the hell up!" Bender yelled.
...
Domino High, the Yugioh universe.
Miho was helping Tea find a boyfriend as she was obsessed with Yugi's imaginary friend the pharaoh but liked Yugi platonically.
"How about that black haired guy?" Miho asked.
"I dunno..." said Tea.
"Forget it, he's gay..." said Ryou Bakura.
"What? How can you tell?" Tea asked.
"I just know these things. I've got what they call gaydar." said Bakura.
"There's no such thing." Yugi frowned at him.
"Yea there is, I'll show you." Bakura got out the Millennium Ring. "Okay I'm reading his soul." One of the dangling pointy prongs glowed and pointed at the student. "Yep, he's gay..."
"Are you sure?" Tea asked.
"Yep." said Bakura.
Back at the nightclub.
"Oh Calculon! The authors doing Yugioh Abridged jokes! Yes we get it! They stole a joke from us!" Bender groaned.
Fry was up at the bar chatting up a woman. Might as well, his cheating girlfriend is dead now.
"You're from the 20th century? That's incredible! I'm from the 21st century." said the 21st century girl. Um how are you alive in the 31st century right now?!
"She probably got frozen like Fry..." said Leela.
"No way! We've got so much in common." said Fry to the 21st century girl.
"We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity?" asked the girl.
Fry winced. "Uh... yeah that rings a bell." The cyborgs enslaving humanity hasn't happened yet. Probably will in 2025.
"And when Donald Trump was President?" The 21st century girl asked.
Fry was baffled.
...
At the table Leela, Bender and Amy were sat at. A guy joined them. I think they were setting him up with Leela.
"This is Bolt Rolands. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with 10 wins on the pro-circuit." said Amy. Bolt was extremely muscular.
"Hello, beautiful!" said Bolt. Apparently he doesn't mind purple haired cyclopses.
"I think she means 10 wins on the gay circuit." Bender whispers.
"Oh I wish! Those cats can really fly!" said Bolt.
At the bar Zoidberg tried to grab his drink but it slipped away from his claw and tipped over.
Zoidberg groaned.
Back at the table. There is a green energy cloud thing hovering where Bolt was sat.
"This is M5438, an entity of pure energy." said Amy.
Fry winced. Still confused by the future.
"That's great, really, but he's just not what I'm looking for." Leela sighed. How would you even "Do it" with an energy life form...
"I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body, and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone." said M5438 the energy being.
He flew off somewhere.
"Ugh! You're impossible..." Amy sighed.
"No I'm not. Mutations for purple hair or cyclopia are very common!" said Leela.
She meant you're impossible to find a man for...
"It's just as well. I think he's from a dimension that's big on musical theatre..." said Bender.
Leela sighed exasperated with him saying everyone in the bar was gay.
And we end this chapter with the important question. Will Leela ever find a date? Or is she destined to die alone?! Aloooooooone!
Plot 2Zoidberg is drinking a cocktail when he sees a lobster in a fish tank and falls in love.
Eventually everyone is leaving and calling it a night.
Amy leaves with the energy life form.
Zoidberg heads to um wherever he lives with the lobster from the tank.
And Fry has bagged the 21st century woman.
"Pst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show." He gives Bender some cash.
"Can do. Hehehehe! Oh Fry..." said Bender agreeing to give him some space.
Leela was all alone in the club. It was closing and the janitor was cleaning up. He passes by Leela.
"My, my, my! What's a beautiful lady like you— [Leela looks up.] Oh, my! Eurgh! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes." The janitor thought she was beautiful but was repulsed by her having only one big eye.
Leela frowned.
HQ.
The Professor and Oscar were fast asleep.
Leela, the only one without a date came in and checked on them. Seeing they were asleep she went home for the night.
...
The next day.
Everyone was discussing their dates.
"He was cute but..." said Amy.
"I wonder where Zoidberg is..." said Fry wondered.
"How was your date, Romeo?" Bender gently dug him in the arm and laughed.
"Terrible. She kept going on about Donald Trump and how he was apparently a bad president in the 21st century. Which I missed because I got frozen." said Fry.
Bender then decided to annoy Leela.
"So, Leela, you must have had your pick of the litter last night at closing time." said Bender.
"Could you guys please stop talking about my personal life?" Leela sighed.
"Yes, let's all talk about Leela's personal life later. But right now we have business to attend to." said Professor Farnsworth arriving.
"A delivery?" Fry asked.
"No. A tax-deductible mission of charity." said Professor Farnsworth.
He tapped a button on a remote. The lights dimmed and the holographic projector had a hologram of a planet spinning.
"This is Vergon 6." said a female voice for the computer.
"This is Vergon 6." The Professor explained despite the computer telling them already...
"Well duh..." said Amy sarcastically.
"It's a sunny little doomed planet, inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals." said Professor Farnsworth.
"Animals?" Leela asked.
"That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with a super-dense substance known as dark matter, each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds." said Professor Farnsworth.
The hologram shows the planet once had a dark matter core.
"Wait! What about the animals?" Leela asked.
"Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out, leaving the planet completely hollow." said Professor Farnsworth.
"Yes, but what about the animals?" Leela asked.
"The wha?" Farnsworth asked.
"The animals..." Leela sighed.
"I didn't say anything about animals." said Farnsworth.
"Yes you did! Now about the friggin animals!" Bender yelled.
"Now it seems that the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally, this will kill all the animals." said Farnsworth.
"So we have to bring back two of each kind. Just like Noah's Ark." Leela sighed.
"Why only two?" Bender asked.
Leela explained why, whispering to him.
Bender giggled.
"She's talking about them having sex..." Oscar said just under his breath but loudly.
"Ugh... Oscar..." Amy groaned in disgust.
"Oh and in other news. You're probably wondering where Zoidberg is." Farnsworth asked.
"Kinda." said Fry.
"Well I have some unfortunate news. Zoidberg sadly passed away last night." said Farnsworth.
Everyone gasped.
"How?" Amy asked.
"Well you see, Zoidberg's species, Decopodians, well when they lose their virginity they um well they lose their life too. They die while mating. The act of love and passion is too much for their two hearts and they die. Never to see their spawn grow up." said Farnsworth.
The crew didn't really like Zoidberg that much.
"It's a tough life, die while mating or live the rest of your life a virgin..." said the professor.
"So old Zoidy did it with that lobster..." Oscar winced.
"Oscar can you try to show some tact..." Leela sighed.
"In a manner of speaking yes." said the Professor.
"Eeeeeew!" Oscar groaned.
...
On the Planet Express ship.
The crew were getting ready.
"I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye." said Fry to Bender.
"That'll take forever. What she oughta do is find a nice guy with two eyes, then poke one out." said Bender.
Oscar winced in disgust.
"Yeah, that'd be a timesaver." said Fry.
Leela can hear them. "Do you mind?"
"Here you go! You can poke his eye out with this fork." Bender passed her a dinner fork.
"Thank you. But I don't care how many eyes a man has ... as long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident..." said Leela.
In one of the comics or the cover art at least Fry has surgery to become a cyclops thinking Leela only likes other cyclopses. Leela is seen snogging a blue alien guy with five eyes.
Anyhoo we can somehow still hear Leela talking from outside the ship... Their green ship is dwarfed by an enormous ship belonging to a company called Doop.
On the large ship.
A muscular blond captain with a beer gut is the captain and is clearly supposed to be a parody of Captain Kirk. He is observing the smaller vessel.
"These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, first officer?" said Captain Zapp Brannigan to Kif, a lanky green alien in uniform.
"I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now what do you want to do about that unidentified ship?" Kif, the lanky green alien sighed.
"Destroy them!" said Zapp Brannigan. He stops and flexes arm and feels the uniform. "Mmmmmm... That feels good..."
Kif sighed exasperated.
Anyway where's the rest of the crew?!
"Um... just off camera until we mention them..." said Kif.
...
Planet Express Ship.
"Look! I snuck a fridge magnet aboard! Now let's have some fun!" Oscar had a fridge magnet. He stuck it to Bender.
Bender went crazy from the magnet interference.
"Oooooooh! The Camptown ladies sing this song! Doo dah! Doo dah! The Camptown races five miles long! Doo dah! Doo dah! Daaaaaayyy!" Bender sang folk songs.
Oscar laughed.
"Oscar stop messing with Bender..." Leela sighed.
...
Doop ship.
"Captain's journal: Star date, 3000.3." said Captain Zapp Brannigan. He was sat in the Kirk chair on the bridge with Kif and a Space Elf.
"Sir who are you talking to..." Kif sighed.
"You! Aren't you getting this? [Kif sighs and scurries to a typing machine. Zapp dictates.] We have detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight, followed by a light dinner ... ravioli, ham, sundae bar." said Zapp Brannigan. Basically they're referencing that Star Trek Movie with the forbidden planet and Captain Pike and the Talosians.
Planet Express Ship.
The crew see the larger ship. Which is called the Nimbus.
"Hey that's Zapp Brannigan's ship!" said Leela.
"The Zapp Brannigan?!" Fry pretended he knew who Zapp was.
Leela nodded.
"Who's Zapp Brannigan?" Fry asked.
Leela face palmed.
The Nimbus.
"Shall I fire on them now, sir?" Kif asked the captain.
"Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces." said Captain Zapp Brannigan.
Kif sighed exasperated.
"What?" said Zapp.
He's silly... Hehehehe!
Leela decides to dock with the Nimbus.
"Why?" Oscar asked.
"Because Doop are um... like the police of galactic space. I think this planet has restricted access so it's best we comply for now and ask Zapp nicely if we can land here." said Leela.
"Okay but they better not point phasers at us..." Oscar frowned.
Leela then told them all about Zapp's accomplishments.
"They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging Killbots." said Leela.
"Wow!" said Fry.
"A grim day for robot-kind. Ah, but we can always build more Killbots!" said Bender sighing.
"Can you stop trying kill humanity..." Oscar groaned.
"Zapp's the most decorated war veteran of the Democratic Order of Planets." said Leela.
Oscar looked confused.
"That's what DOOP stands for." said Leela.
"Hehehehe! Doop..." Oscar laughed.
...
The Nimbus.
"Sir they're heading straight for us..." said Kif.
"Ah a calculating move, just like out of the pages of Sun Tzu's Book of War. Or out of my latest novel, Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War..." said Zapp Brannigan. He simply scribbled his name on a copy of The Art of War.
"They have docked sir." said Zif.
"Then I offer my complete and unconditional surrender!" Zapp immediately surrendered. Hehehehe.
Fry, Leela, Bender and Oscar were walking the corridors of the Nimbus.
"Oh and then there was that skirmish on Rigel VII." said Leela.
"I know that Planet! Kang and Kodos live there!" said Oscar.
"Rigel VII is a very common name for a planet in sci-fi shows Oz..." said Leela.
"It's definitely Kang's planet..." said Oscar.
Leela continued going on about wanting to meet Zapp.
"Leela's got a boyfriend!" Fry teased her.
"I do not! I just want to meet him, professionally... as captains... See if he may help round up the poor animals on Vergon 6." said Leela.
"Well if you do hit it off with him. Take this." Bender gave her a dinner fork.
Leela sighed.
And of course we cut to a darkened security room where of course Zapp Brannigan is spying on them via the security cameras because yeah the strange captain would be spying on visitors heading towards the bridge.
Will Captain Zapp Brannigan help our heroes with their mission? Or will he be hostile? Dun dun duuuuun!
Plot 3The Planet Express crew are walking and chatting when guards pour out of the large doors to the bridge in front of them and point guns at them.
"I told you! If I get phasers pointed at me I'll!" Oscar hissed.
"Captain Zapp Brannigan wishes to speak with you um..." said Kif. The spindly green alien crew member.
"Captain Turunga Leela." said Leela.
"Yes. Turanga Leela." said Kif leading them into the bridge.
Zapp Brannigan was sat right in the middle of the room. Because that's where the Captain sits in Star Trek.
Also the Nimbus was completely white and sterile on the inside because the future is either scrappy, dilapidated, falling apart corridors with loose wires or sterile Apple white corridors.
Kif comes in.
"Ugh... I have risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. [He gets up and heads for the door.] If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter, have it sent to my P.O. box." said Zapp Brannigan.
Oscar snickered.
"Sir, the visiting crew are here." said Kif.
Zapp Brannigan screamed and hid behind his chair.
"It's that big eye of yours..." Oscar said to Leela.
Leela huffed and sighed annoyed.
"Hello, I'm Leela, captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance." said Leela.
"Well, if there's anything I can-" said Kif but Zapp suddenly stepped in front of him.
"I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me or was I too quick for you?" asked Zapp.
"Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh, really thrilled to meet you!" said Leela.
"Leela and Zapp, sitting in a tree! G!" Fry sang and laughed.
Leela hushed him.
"You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly - a potent combination." said Zapp Brannigan taking her hand romantically.
"How about silent and deadly? Gahahahaha!" Oscar laughed. There needed to be a fart joke!
Everyone groaned frustrated by his juvenile sense of humour.
"Mmmmm... My you are one hot captain..." Zapp didn't seem bothered by Leela's one and only enormous eye...
"You don't mean that!" Leela was flattered and blushed.
"But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you, and only one who was deadlier." said Zapp.
Oscar chuckled at his own dumb joke.
Fry cuts in.
"I heard that one time you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something-something-system."
"The killbots? Ha! A trifle!" said Zapp.
"Mmmmmmm... Trifle..." Oscar moaned joyfully and drooled
"Right that's it! I'm gonna kill 'im!" Bender yelled trying to strangle Oscar.
...
"Uh where was I?" Zapp asked.
"The killbots." said Leela.
"The Killbots? A trifle! It was simply a matter of outsmarting them." said Zapp.
"Woooow!" said Fry.
"You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shutdown. Kif, show them the medal I won." said Zapp Brannigan. Kif sighed and pointed to a medal on Zapp's uniform.
"That's not impressive... you just sent many loyal men to die just to cause the Killbots to over count and shut down. Bender can't even count past 255..." said Oscar.
Bender sobbed. "It's true! My motherboard can't count any higher!"
"Look we have a very important task to do and we ask if you could-" Leela asked.
"We'll talk during dinner!" said Zapp. "Um your crew seems hungry."
"Mmmmmm... trifle..." Oscar was drooling...
"He's always thinking about food..." said Leela.
We cut to a dining hall. Zapp is head of the table holding a glass of wine. Kif is grating cheese onto his food.
"More, please. (Kif grates.) A little more ... more ... keep going." saud Zapp. Kif sighed exasperated as he had far too much cheese on his food.
"Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission." Leela sighed. Her crew were too busy eating.
"Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men?" Zapp raises a glass to his men.
"You suck!" A crew member of Nimbus yelled.
"You see... We-" Leela started but Oscar was greedily devouring food.
(Oscar eating rudely)
Leela glared at him.
"We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction. And if you could just-"
Zapp spits out his drink. In Kif's face.
"This light dinner is over!" Zapp was angry.
"Wait! What's wrong?" Leela asked him.
"The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds. It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law"." said Zapp Brannigan.
"But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow." said Leela.
"Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew." said Zapp.
"This doesn't make any sense." said Leela.
"Oh it makes sense alright. Doop caused an environmental disaster. Wrecked a few habitats. Now they're quarantining entire worlds because they don't others knowing they are plundering worlds of Dark Matter..." Oscar frowned eating a turkey leg.
"I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it." said Zapp being a pompous ass.
"Fine! We'll save the animals without your help." said Leela annoyed.
"I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards!" said Zapp.
Guards accosted them at the table holding them at gun point.
Oscar scowled at Leela.
"What just happened?" Fry asked.
"He's throwing us in prison..." said Bender.
"On a ship it's called the brig." said Oscar.
Fry sighed. "Dang! Can I get this wrapped up?" He wants to take his food to the brig...
Zapp nodded allowing him to eat in the brig...
...
A cell in the brig. Which oddly had no door to keep our heroes in!
Leela put her hand out through the air in the doorway. She was zapped by a force field that only briefly became visible when touched.
"Ow! I might've liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison." Leela sighed.
"You're way too picky." said Bender.
The bridge.
"Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do." said Zapp heading towards a ladder. He climbed up it.
Kif got a very unpleasant sight straight up Zapp's kilt. Ie he had no underwear on!
"Oh geez!"
Observation Deck.
Which was a small room with a window.
Meanwhile. Biological Science Labs Observation Deck.
"Why is the deck this large and open..." a scientist asked another.
"In case of a sudden boss fight." said the other scientist.
Back on the Nimbus.
"I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?" Zapp asked.
"I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B-10.8-1." said Kif.
"Brannigan's law?" Zapp asked.
"That law, sir." said Zapp.
"Which law?" Zapp suddenly forgot.
Kif sighed exasperated. "Brannigan's Law..."
"Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protégé you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. (Kif sighs.) This time we are sure she's a woman, right?" Zapp asked.
"Yes sir." Kif sighed.
Um what the heck happened that last time?!
"Good! Invite her to my quarters. Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts." said Zapp.
Kif was confused by this command. "The boy, sir?"
"You, you lay out my formal shorts." said Zapp.
"Yes sir." said Kif.
"Oh and Kif."
Kif was climbing down the ladder.
"We need to hire a "boy". That scrappy young urchin making wisecracks and eating the replicated food will do." said Zapp.
Kif agreed to his command wearily.
...
The brig.
Fry finished his steak.
He belched.
Kif arrived and lowered the force field.
"Turanga Leela." said Kif.
"Yes." Leela got up.
"The Jackass wishes to see you, personally... in his quarters." said Kif.
Bender whistled pervertedly.
"Good. Maybe I can beat some sense into him." said Leela.
"Oh and he requests you wear this." said Kif. He presented a skimpy outfit.
"Eeeeeeugh..." Oscar groaned.
"What are you gay?!" Bender yelled at him.
"What are you, a pervert?!" Oscar retorted.
Leela refused to change into the sexy outfit.
We cut to her outside the Captain's quarters. She knocks.
"Come in..." said Zapp in an aroused manner.
Inside the room was pink with satin sheets on a heart shaped bed. There were candles and a bucket of ice with a bottle of champagne inside. Um...
Leela groaned disgusted.
"Welcome to my love chamber..."
"I didn't realise you were such a connoisseur." Leela mispronounced connoisseur as Coin-a-sewer.
"Well I did study abroad. Or two!" said Zapp.
That's a stupid pun...
"If we may speak professionally for a moment..." Leela sighed.
Zapp was too aroused by her and kinky...
The cell.
Kif returned and lowered the force field again.
"What do you want..." Fry asked annoyed.
"The Captain is offering the boy freedom in return for servitude." said Kif pointing at Oscar.
"Tell the captain he can bite my friggin ass!" Oscar snapped.
"As you wish..." Kif sealed them back behind the force field.
Fry sighed. He noticed a ventilation shaft. "Bender we can escape if you bend the grate off of that shaft."
"No problem." Bender delighted in bending things.
However when he ripped off the grate the cell filled with steam.
"It's no good! It's filling the room with steam!" Fry yelled.
Back in the Captain's quarters.
Zapp continued trying to seduce Leela...
Eeeeeeew!
And he pronounced champagne as Sham pagen.
Will Leela fall for his non existent charms?! Will the main characters ever get to Vergon 6?!
Plot 4Well out of pity after making Zapp cry by saying she'd rather go back to the brig than allow herself to be seduced by him, Leela ended up sleeping with Zapp. Aaaaagh!
In the brig.
"Should we try and escape again?" Bender asked.
"Nah... this is nice..." Fry sighed. Fry and Oscar were now naked except wearing white towels as the cell was now a sauna.
"What are they doing in there?!" A guard asked another.
His colleague shrugged.
Anyway bedding Leela changed Zapp's mind and in smug victory over seducing her he released her crew and allowed them to visit Vergon 6.
"Because I know you'll come crawling back. Craving the Zapp-meister... prrrrrr!" said Zapp lying on his bed.
Leela groaned in disgust.
Planet Express ship.
"So what happened? How did you get him to change his mind Leela?" Fry asked.
"I'd rather not talk about it..." Leela sighed.
"Did you use the eye poker?" Bender asked.
"Guys knock it off... we've got work to do..." Leela sighed.
They arrive on Vergon 6.
"Finally a planet other than Earth or its moon..." said Oscar. "Can we breath on here or will my head explode?"
Leela sighed. "You can breath on this planet. The atmosphere and temperatures are similar to Earth. It's just the Planet is on the verge of self destruction."
"Yeah most space crews leave planets shortly before they collapse or blow up. Not arrive on them..." said Oscar.
...
Outside on the surface of Vergon 6.
"Okay here's the list of species we need to save. Remember we need one Male and one female. Where applicable for the species." said Leela.
Bender chuckled.
"If I was Noah I'd tell God that's homophobic. Why can't we have an ark of gay animals?!" Oscar yelled.
Leela sighed.
Bender went off to find a giant purple fruit snake.
A giant five eyed purple fruit snake swallowed him whole.
Bender sighed and dragged the snake back to the ship while inside it by stretching at it from the inside.
"Coooool! Vore!" Oscar cooed. Oz seriously...
Fry tried to get a windy shrimp but was blown away by a strong gust of wind coming from it.
Leela encountered a four legged mimic. It copied her so it looked like a for legged creature with purple hair and one eye.
Fry arrived with a net.
"Well Fry! Toss the net over the mimic!" Leela said.
Fry tossed the net over Leela.
Leela sighed exasperated.
They packed up some of the animals.
Oscar had a yapping puppy attached to his head.
(puppy yapping)
"Oz I explained to you to be careful of the parasitic puppies..." Leela sighed.
"But they're shooooo cyooooote!" Oscar cooed.
...
Nimbus.
Zapp spent the rest of the night boasting to Kif that he courted a woman.
Was this his first time?! Ha! Loser!
Kif sighed while massaging him.
Vergon 6.
Oscar went out to capture a Sharktopus. Because the list said so.
"Oh god no! The endless hackneyed monster flicks! They're awful! Damn you Syfy! Damn you!" Oscar screamed as the Sharktopus, a literal shark octopus hybrid sat there while an amateur film studio made endless stupid monster films with ridiculous monsters. Most being either shark based or crocodilians...
"Wooooooooo! I am a ghost shaaaaaark!" said Ghost Shark.
"How the hell would a ghost shark kill people?!" Oscar yelled.
Fry went off to catch a Chilean Space Bass. Is it fish based or guitar based?
As he left Leela escorted a cardinal onto the ship. She crossed off Excommunicated Cardinal. Hehehehe...
Then they had to catch a Molotov Cockatoo. Presumably it was highly flammable...