chapter 13: stupidly and pointlessly

in which they find bits of joy

cw: mentions of blood, violence, but mostly soft because really what the FUCK gege

Utahime relents to Yuna's insistent request that the Kyoto doctor not be called. Instead, she returns Yuna to her room and brings her own personal surgical bag full of antiseptic, bandages, and a sterile suture kit. Not for the first time, Yuna is deeply envious and appreciative of the tremendous gift Shouko has as Utahime stitches up the deepest of Yuna's wounds. Even with the local anesthetic and an oral painkiller, the treatment is painful and laborious, Utahime needing to do several lines of stitches given the depth of the lacerations. Yuna may have passed out, for when Utahime is finished, Yuna finds herself lying completely flat on the bed, unremembering of ever having lied down.

"Are you all right?" Utahime asks carefully, knowing the answer.

"Yes," says Yuna, dizzy as she sits back up. She must look horrible, and Utahime obviously does not believe her. She gives Yuna another bottle of water and forces her to drink the whole thing, even though Yuna is nauseous and wants nothing more than to roll onto her side and go to sleep for days.

"You need to eat something."

The thought of food makes Yuna feel worse and her tongue is swollen and painful from the bite of Naoya's knife. Her words come out muffled. "I do not think I will be able to tolerate anything. Maybe later."

Utahime cleans up the bloody scraps of Yuna's skirt and the sizable pile of sterile gauzes she'd used while she'd worked. The cuts are throbbing, dull and constant, but are at least no longer profusely bleeding. Every sorcerer knows at least intermediate-level first aid, except for Satoru, but Utahime's stitches are especially neat and clean, the edges of Yuna's skin pulled evenly together. Still, she frowns at her work before she cleans the surrounding skin with an antiseptic washcloth and wraps Yuna's thigh with loops of bandages.

"Waiting to see Shouko tomorrow may mean they'll permanently scar," Utahime warns.

Yuna shakes her head. "It wasn't a Cursed Weapon. Just a normal knife."

Utahime's nose scrunches. "What a fucking coward. Still. Wounds this deep. Reverse Cursed Technique may not fully heal it if it's been more than a day."

"It's all right. Even if Shouko-san isn't able to prevent scarring, at least it's not in a visible place." The words fall out of Yuna's mouth without her thinking, but she immediately curses herself after they do. She is normally so careful, but she is so tired and weak, it is hard to think clearly. "I mean…that was thoughtless of me, Utahime-san. I apologize. The scarring doesn't matter."

Utahime waves her apology away casually. "It does, but it's fine. I'm used to it."

The circumstances under which Utahime had earned the significant scar across her face are not well-known. Yuna had simply returned from overseas one year and met Utahime in Kyoto, scar new but not fresh. Because Utahime had never addressed it, Yuna had never asked. She suspects it may have been on a mission for Utahime's Grade One evaluation, given the timing around her Semi-Grade One announcement but the failure to promote her further than that. She thinks Shouko and Satoru may know the truth, but neither of them have volunteered the information and Yuna knows better than to probe. Everyone is entitled to their secrets. It is unfortunate that Utahime's secret is so visible and has cost her tremendously. Yuna does not know if Utahime is interested in marriage but cannot imagine that the scar aids Utahime in prospects of marriage or jujutsu sorcery otherwise.

"Yuna-san," says Utahime, jolting Yuna out of her thoughts, "you should rest. I will try to clean up the courtyard and attend to the Zen'ins for the rest of their stay. It's best if you hide out for now. I'll tell Gojou you're sleeping."

Yuna doesn't protest and lies back down after Utahime leaves with the promise to return later with dinner. She feels terribly tired and shaky but checks her phone before she lets herself fall asleep. She has a surprising number of missed messages.

From: Fushiguro Megumi

[12:08] Have a good trip, Yuna-san. Don't let Gojou bother you too much.
[12:08] Let me know if there are any issues.

From: Yaga Masamichi

[13:29] The kids told me you probably don't want to know but
[13:30] figured I should tell you Ichiji got your mother a train ticket back to her home.
[13:30] She left. She knows she shouldn't come back.
[13:30] Ichiji will arrange to transport your father's body back too.
[13:31] You don't have to do anything. Or reply. Just an FYI.

From: Nanami Kento

[15:43] Good afternoon, Yuna-san.
[15:43] I just went to check on the Shinjuku Barriers. They look good.
[15:44] Getou's team hasn't responded to them.
[15:44] How was the train ride? Any problems?

Yuna replies to each conversation in turn, warmed by their concern and reminded that there are considerate men in the world, even if they are few. It does not make her wounds sting less.

From: Tsukumo Yuki

[16:20] Yuna-chan! You've been ignoring me!
[16:21] Are you mad I'm not coming back to Japan?
[16:21] Don't be mad! You guys are strong enough on your own.
[16:21] It's just so bothersome coming back. They just ask me to do so much work! :(

From: Takeda (Fushiguro) Mitsuko

[11:47] These are Zen'ins, right?

Image attached.
Image attached.
Image attached.

[11:48] But this person looks the same as before.

Image attached.

[11:50] Have you heard anything new? They're making me nervous.

Yuna opens the images Mitsuko had sent her, all screenshots of security footage. The first three are members of Hei who are not even trying to pretend they are civilians, the character embroidered loudly in white on their hakama. Yuna scrolls through them quickly and lands on the last image. It is still difficult to discern any clear features; like before, the intruder is wrapped in a large puffer coat and a scarf covers up the lower half of their face. The hood of the coat is pulled over their head, but when Yuna zooms closer, she can make out a series of jagged cross-stitches across their forehead. She is confident she does not know this trespasser.

She saves the image to her phone and forwards it to Utahime.

To: Iori Utahime

[17:01] Have you found any information about this person?

[17:02] No, I haven't found anything but the pic before wasn't super helpful.
[17:02] I'll look into it again. Go to sleep, Yuna-senpai.

[17:03] Thank you.

She sends the image to Mei.

To: Mei Mei

[17:03] Do you recognize this person?

[17:03] No. Looks shady. Would you like me to keep an eye out?

[17:04] Yes.

She pauses, thinking of her wording, before she types:

[17:05] The Zen'ins kindly greeted us on Kyoto campus.
[17:05] They were able to transport an entire unit of Hei onto the campus at a moment's notice.
[17:05] It will be tremendously helpful for the School's defense on the night of Getou's parade.
[17:06] Perhaps the Kamo family would like to establish a method of transport of their own.

Mei does not reply immediately.

[17:10] Fascinating. I'll be sure to pass on the message.

To: Takeda (Fushiguro) Mitsuko

[17:07] Yes, those are Zen'ins.
[17:07] I will not be renewing my lease.
[17:07] You should leave the country for a while. At least until after the New Year.

[17:08] What? Why? Do they know who I am?
[17:08] Do they know about me and Toji?

[17:08] Of course they do. They do not care, though.
[17:09] But you should still leave.

Mitsuko replies with a flurry of texts demanding an explanation—hadn't Yuna protected her, hadn't Yuna hidden her just like she'd hidden Tsumiki—but Yuna has always found Mitsuko trying and ignores the rest of her messages. (It is because Mitsuko is a difficult person, not because Yuna is a jealous, petty thing).

To: Tsukumo Yuki

[17:09] I am not angry. It has been a busy time.
[17:10] I did not mean to ignore you.
[17:10] It is all right you are not coming back.
[17:10] It is the right thing to do.

Yuki's response is immediate.

[17:10] Whoa. Did something happen?
[17:11] You never encourage my bad behavior.

The ellipses indicating more of Yuki's imminent reply appear, but Yuna is too tired. They are supposed to return to Tokyo tomorrow morning, and she does not know how she will sit through four hours next to Satoru with her leg throbbing the way it is and be able to hide it. She wonders if he'd be able to tell, even if the wound isn't Cursed. A part of her wants him to know. He owes her Zen'in Naoya's head on a spike, at least.

But Yuna knows she will never be given Zen'in Naoya's head on a spike, or any other retribution that she so deeply desires or deserves. She thinks, in a vindictive sort of way, that stealing Fushiguro Megumi from the Zen'ins may mean that she will get Naoya's head in some manner many years from now, but that is not fair to Megumi who is just a boy, not a pawn in this shitty world.

Resigned, Yuna sets aside her thoughts, her phone, and her pride. She curls under the covers and falls asleep.

"What the fuck happened?"

"I told you she's sleeping, Gojou, leave her alone."

"She's not sleeping, she's unconscious. She has a fucking fever. Something's wrong."

A cool hand on her forehead.

"Fuck. She said it was a normal knife."

"What knife?"

"Calm down, Gojou."

"What knife?"

"It was…look, you can't go murder them all, okay. Yuna-senpai didn't want to tell you—"

"Utahime, tell me what happened or I'll go murder them all right now."

"Naoya was being a dick. He cut her with…it wasn't Cursed, but this is too fast for an infection. It must've been poisoned. I need to get the doctor."

"No. I'll get Shouko."

"It's gonna take her hours to get here, Gojou. We don't know what poison this is or how fast it's going to work."

"I'll teleport."

"You can't teleport all the way back to Tokyo, you'll fry your brain on the way there and fry Shouko's on the way back!"

"Lucky we're both Reverse Curse Technique users then."

"Gojou! Wait, Gojou!"

"I've got it from here, Satoru. Go wait in the hallway."

"Sure. I'll go wait with the Zen'ins."

"Gojou, you can't. This is exactly what Naoya wants—he poisoned her because you'd have to know what happened, but you cannot react to this."

"So what, he can nearly kill Yuna and walk away scot-free? She's under my protection. What the fuck does that say about me if he can pull shit like this and get away with it?"

"Lay a hand on Zen'in Naoya and you will give them all the ammunition they need to declare a clan war."

"And who do you think is more scared of war here?"

"They're timing it to coincide with Getou's Parade, if you're weakened by Getou, they'll be able to take you out—"

"Have a little faith, Utahime."

"Jujutsu society can't afford this—"

"I don't give a fuck about jujutsu society—"

"Satoru. My brain is on fire after teleporting across the country. I can't concentrate on Yuna-san if you're here being annoying. Go tear off Naoya's nails. Exorcise their portal curse. Destroy their entire clan, I don't care. Just remember. Yuna's like this because of you. So think for two seconds, then decide what you want to do and go the fuck away."

"Fuck you, Shouko."

"Fuck you, too."

Shouko has encountered Zen'in poisons several times before. Even though everyone knows she is closely affiliated with Gojou Satoru, she is still the best jujutsu healer in the nation, which means the occasional Zen'in is brought to her in the secret of night after a family dinner gone wrong or after a failed attempt to usurp a superior in the clan rankings. Shouko generally does not decline requests for her services unless she has good reason not to, and finding most Zen'ins haughty and unbearable is unfortunately not a good enough reason. Helpfully, the pay is lucrative.

She does know that, should opportunity ever present itself to heal Zen'in Naoya or let him die, she will most certainly let him die no matter how much he offers. Or rather, she will heal him just enough so that his death is as prolonged or agonizing as possible, and then she will certainly let him die. In spite of the abuse he had surely suffered as a Zen'in child in contention for the throne, Naoya is not someone Shouko will waste her limited empathy on. She thinks, not for the first time, that Satoru really could have turned out so much worse.

She does not, however, mince her words to Satoru, tongue made looser by her exhaustion.

"How many times do you need to learn this lesson?"

It is the dead of night, and they are in Yuna's room, watching over her as she sleeps. They both have terrible sleep habits, which means she and Satoru often find themselves sharing uncomfortably vulnerable conversations at three a.m. after they've been left too long with their own thoughts. Shouko rests in an armchair, resisting the urge for a cigarette even though she feels she very much deserves one, having performed a tricky bit of poison extraction through Reverse Curse Technique immediately after having been teleported across a whole country. The craving makes her meaner, even though she knows that in the aftermath of these debacles, Satoru is hard enough on himself.

He doesn't answer. He'd waited out in the hallway while Shouko had worked, his Cursed Energy spiteful and livid for the whole campus to sense, but he had allowed the Zen'ins to return to Yokohama through the Cursed Portal. It had not been an insignificant concession, and everyone knows it.

"She will never stay." Utahime had brought her a pack of cold beer before she'd turned in for the night, and Shouko is on her third. "Not if this keeps happening."

Satoru is sitting on the ground at the foot of Yuna's bed. He leans his head back against her mattress, his spidery legs splayed out in front of him.

"Yeah," he sighs. "I know. Fucking Naoya."

Shouko peers at him. "And who got Naoya so riled up in the first place?"

Satoru snorts. "That dick would've done the exact same thing regardless of how I behaved."

"That's true," she admits. "But you didn't make it less appealing. Naoya knows he can't do anything to you, but he can do plenty to a Cursed Tool. Have you thought more about de-Itemizing her?"

He nods. "It's complicated. It sucks, I know. But she's not strong enough on her own, and being a Gojou Object still confers some protection especially if she runs into some asshole Curse User abroad."

"She'll never stay in Japan if she's an Item, Satoru."

"Yeah, but she can't just be a sorcerer either," he says wearily. "There's too much history. The Zen'ins will kill her immediately."

"They already try to do that."

"They're fucking with her to fuck with me. If she's a private sorcerer without any Gojou affiliation, they'd have every reason to really kill her after everything with Megumi and Maki."

"They don't just go around killing private sorcerers. They know Utahime and Kento are important to you, but they don't mess with them."

"Utahime is being groomed to be the next Kyoto Principal, and no one's going to fuck with Nanami unless they want to lose an entire unit of Hei for no reason. Either strength or relationships protect private sorcerers. Yuna doesn't have either."

"She could," says Shouko lightly.

"Don't say it."

"If you married her."

Satoru straightens up just to scowl at her, his naked eyes glowing in the dim lamplight. "It was a mistake from five years ago—"

"I'm not kidding," says Shouko seriously. "I'm not making fun of you. I'm bringing it up as a legitimate option. It'd be a marriage for her protection, Satoru, not for your own convenience like last time. If you de-Itemize her and then marry her, no one will lay a hand on Gojou Satoru's wife."

"You wanna know how many assassination attempts my mom has survived?"

"She survived because she had Gojou resources and protection, not to mention you will have a blatant reason to stick around Yuna like a used piece of gum because you'll be her husband and not some sad wannabe boyfriend with a hard-on for his high school teacher."

"Shouko!"

"What," she says dryly, "hearing you'll be her husband making you hard?"

"I hate you," he retorts.

"I know. So why won't you marry her?"

"You don't think I asked?"

Shouko blinks. "Seriously?"

"Sort of. I told her I would. If it meant…if it meant she wouldn't have to worry about us anymore. But of course, she said no. And I get it. It's not that simple. I marry her, and she loses any freedom that she has. She'll be miserable just the same."

"Isn't it different now that you've…" Shouko gestures between the two of them. "Doesn't she love you?"

Satoru freezes infinitesimally, and it is only because Shouko has known him since they were teens that she can read the blind sort of panic that crosses his face at this question. It is replaced immediately by a cocksure grin, Satoru's mask of arrogant invulnerability, but before he can deflect, Shouko cuts in.

"Oh. You don't really want to know the answer to that, do you?"

Satoru doesn't reply.

"Or is it because if she does, you'd have to figure out if you do?"

He leans his head back against the mattress again to avoid making eye contact. "Does it even matter?"

Shouko shrugs. "Dunno. I guess not. Not in the larger scheme of things anyway."

She hears Satoru take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She knows, even if Satoru is annoying and generally ridiculous and collectively A Lot, that the burden of being Gojou Satoru is not easy to bear, even if it is all he has ever known. Though he complains incessantly about paperwork and trivial Clan matters and is thoughtlessly selfish when he takes jujutsu society outcasts under his wing, he rarely acknowledges the real sacrifices he has had to make. The question of love surely does not matter, not when Satoru will likely kill the only person he has ever truly allowed himself to love in less than a month.

"You think," he says, voice tempered and bland, "after all the shit I've done, she can actually love me?"

Fuck, Shouko thinks tiredly. What is she doing? She is not qualified to have this conversation. It reminds her too much of the one she and Suguru had had, over benzos and beers, too many years ago when they'd confessed their worst desires out loud but then Suguru had actually gone and committed his and Shouko had never told anyone that one of her best friends had homicidal ideation because didn't they all and what is she supposed to do about it when Reverse Curse Technique can't heal a soul or a mind or a society—

"I guess," she says a little cruelly, "it doesn't really matter if she does."

He laughs. "Right. It doesn't mean anything. Love doesn't make people stay. It doesn't make people understand. So if it doesn't do anything, if it's more of a curse than a blessing, then who cares if they're loved?"

You do, thinks Shouko, suddenly overwhelmed with pity—for Satoru, sure, but for all of them, the adult sorcerers who cannot afford to want this thing that they care so deeply about but cannot have. She knows that Satoru is thinking of Suguru, who certainly loves or loved Satoru in his own way but for whom love does or did not matter.

"So," Satoru says, his tone light, musing, "if it doesn't really mean or do anything, I guess all I can say is I love her in the only way I can, which is to say, somewhat stupidly and pointlessly."

Shouko finishes her beer, washing down her self-pity. She had given up on that kind of love a long time ago.

"Yeah," she sighs. "Sure."

On the mattress, Yuna finally stirs. Satoru notices the sheets move and stands up just as Yuna slowly sits up, her face pale with anemia. Reverse Cursed Technique does not replenish blood supply, and Yuna had been stable enough that Shouko had prioritized discretion over getting a unit of blood from the Kyoto infirmary. Maybe she had misjudged; Yuna is fairly slow as she registers her surroundings.

"Shouko-san," says Yuna. "How…"

"You were poisoned," Shouko answers as she sets aside her three empty cans and approaches. "Satoru teleported back to Tokyo and got me. It's only been a couple hours—you can rest some more. You'll need it."

Yuna looks at Satoru, who stands by her side uncharacteristically quietly, his hands shoved in his pockets, gaze fixed on Yuna's blankets.

"You teleported to Tokyo?" she says, stunned.

He shrugs. "Yeah."

"Are you…" She looks between the two of them, "are you all right?"

"Feels like you're not the right person to be asking that question," Shouko says wryly. "We're fine. Wouldn't recommend it if you can't use Reverse Cursed Technique." She takes Yuna's pulse and lets her Technique run through Yuna's body, finding nothing to immediately fix. "How do you feel?"

Yuna seems to remember that Naoya had brutalized her, then realizes that her physical wounds are healed.

"I'm fine," she says. "The pain is gone. Thank you for coming, Shouko-san. I apologize for inconveniencing you."

"You have nothing to apologize for. Satoru owes us both something expensive though."

"I blame Gakuganji," he says sourly.

Yuna looks over at him. "Gojou-kun."

"I know," he says, still not meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"No, I…did you…" Yuna ventures carefully, "did you retaliate?"

He grimaces. "No."

Yuna's expression is mixed, even though she says, "Good."

They both look away from each other, unhappy.

Shouko desperately wants a cigarette.

She clears her throat. "Utahime booked us for train tickets at noon tomorrow, so we should all get some rest. Yuna-san, I'll be right next door, so call me if you feel unwell."

"I'll be fine, Shouko-san. Thank you."

Shouko heads for the door and gestures for Satoru to do the same. He makes a movement to follow, but Yuna reaches for him.

"Wait."

They both stare at her, then at Satoru's and her interlocked hands. Yuna looks as horrified with herself as they are surprised.

"I…" she says faintly, letting go. "Sorry. Good night."

"You want me to stay?" Satoru says, pathetically hopeful.

"No, I…" Yuna looks anxiously at Shouko, as if for permission. "No, it is unwise."

"I can stay," he says, kicking off his shoes. "I won't do anything. I'll just watch you."

"Oh, my God," mutters Shouko.

"Watch over you, not just watch you—"

"Goodnight," Shouko says, turning back around. "I don't want to hear a fucking peep from you."

"I said I won't do anything!"

"Goodnight, Shouko-san," says Yuna meekly.

When Shouko closes the door, she glimpses Satoru next to Yuna, both already underneath the covers. His arm is around her shoulders and he's chattering animatedly about something nonsensical and Yuna is half-smiling and some color is back in her cheeks and gods—

It is so stupid and pointless but—

Shouko lets the door slide closed, thinking that Yuna must have been awake for longer than either of them had realized.

To: Gojou Satoru

[00:02] Happy birthday.

[00:06] Are you serious.

[00:06] How serious can I be about wishing you a happy birthday?

Gojou Satoru is typing…

[00:06] Kidding. You mad?

[00:07] Seriously?

[00:07] Yeah. You're never mad.
[00:07] Because you never take anything seriously enough to get mad.

[00:08] You thought you could try to kill Yuna and I wouldn't get mad?

[00:08] Hey, I've reflected, OK? I was just surprised.
[00:08] But now that I've thought about it, I've decided she's not a monkey
[00:08] because in the end, she was able to evolve and become a sorcerer!
[00:09] The Curse Womb was from her past life. She didn't even know about it.

[00:11] Great. Glad your logic is still sound.
[00:11] Wanna reapply that logic
[00:11] to the rest of your dumbass philosophy about non-sorcerers?

[00:12] ? They are not the same scenario?

[00:12] Why do I even bother.

[00:13] Great question.
[00:20] Doing anything fun today?

[00:21] Dunno.

[00:22] Wanna get Italian?

[00:22] Not with you.
[00:22] Yuna's taking me.

[00:27] That's nice.
[00:27] Where'd she pick?

[00:28] Why? Gonna show up and try to kill her?

[00:29] If I'm bored.
[00:31] Kidding. I'm busy.

[00:33] Of course. Counting down the days until
[00:33] your parade of doom and destruction.

[00:35] I think my name for it is pretty good.

[00:36] You're also delusional.

[00:38] Rude.
[00:38] I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, Satoru.

[00:39] Yeah, well
[00:41] Whatever
[00:45] Thanks

[00:51] You know if you do this
[00:51] You're not gonna live til your next birthday

[00:55] Arrogant.
[00:56] Haven't you thought that I might be wishing you a happy birthday
[00:56] because it may be your last?

[01:00] Like I said.
[01:00] Delusional.

News of their trip to Kyoto spread piecemeal through Tokyo Jujutsu Tech. Though there is no formal mission report, Shouko tells Yaga, who tells Kento parts of it, who then confers with Mei, who knows just enough details for all the adults to put together a fairly comprehensive picture. Then, there's the problem with the kids, as apparently Maki hears some news from her reluctant twin because they share important Zen'in reports, and Maki never has any issue sharing stories of Satoru's idiocy, which means Megumi then hears about it and tag-teams with Kento to then confront Satoru, which leads to an unpleasant interaction and everyone's general consensus that this trip tops the chart as The Worst of Yuna's Trips That Satoru Has Invited Himself On.

Even though it clearly had not been Satoru's fault, and he cannot be blamed for Gakuganji's incompetence or the Zen'ins' crippling insecurity—

"I know," Yuna says tiredly from the living room as Satoru complains loudly from his bedroom.

"I'm just saying!" he says as he attempts to tie his tie. "The way Nanami talks about you, it's like he believes I try to put you in danger! Do you think telling him I've sworn you a fucking Binding Vow will get him off my back?"

"No," is Yuna's sharp, immediate response.

"What about Megumi then?!"

"Gojou-kun, I understand where they are coming from and they are simply worried. I will talk to them and try to explain the situation to them." She knocks on his door, which is ridiculous because she has been living with him since their return, and then peers in. "Are you ready yet—"

Her sentence cuts off.

Satoru turns to her, tie a jumbled mess of silk in his hands, and waves it. "Do I need this?"

Yuna blinks. "No."

"I thought you said the place was fancy."

"No, it's…" She swallows. "You look nice enough, Gojou-kun."

He grins. "First time seeing me in a suit?"

Yuna blushes. Satoru finds it charming that she does so easily, even though prior to the last month, he'd seen her blush only a handful of times.

"Perhaps I'm underdressed." She looks down at her dress, a cream cashmere that hits below her knees. It is high-necked and long-sleeved, but the form-fitting silhouette leaves little to imagination.

"Nah, you look nice too." He tosses his tie onto the bed and leaves the first two buttons of his shirt open. "Can't help it that I just look this good in comparison."

Yuna reaches up and smooths out his collar. She smells like jasmine, cedar, and his bodywash that has orange in it.

"Is that why you wear that horrible uniform most of the time?" she asks. "So you're not so distracting?"

"Yeah. Can you imagine if I showed up to Higher-Up meetings in a suit? Or Kyoto campus? Utahime would die from a nosebleed."

"Gojou-kun," she chides.

Satoru pecks her on the lips. Things have been good, even though Kyoto had been so horrible. He'd expected Yuna to be angry and cold, but even though the first few days back had been a bit awkward—they'd both tiptoed around each other without realizing it—she had not retreated from him. Satoru can sense that she has forgiven him, though he does not know what he did to deserve it. The others have caught onto the change, too, and no one questions why Yuna stays over at Satoru's instead of at the School. Nothing is official in the stupidest sense of the term, but Yuna is the one who suggests they go out for Satoru's birthday.

("A date?"

"Not…really."

"But just as two? At a fancy place? In public?"

"Yes."

"So, a date!"

"It is your birthday dinner."

"A birthday dinner date!")

"You can wear uglier clothes too," he suggests, "so you're not so distracting, too."

"I do not think that is a problem for me."

"It is for me!"

Yuna gives him a half-exasperated, half-flattered look. "We need to stop by the School before we go to the restaurant."

"Oh." He looks at his watch, a fancy, sapphire-backed gadget from some brand he can't pronounce. It had been a present from Yuna several years ago. "Quick stop? We'll be late."

"Since when did you care about that?"

"Well, the sooner we eat, the sooner we can come home and fuck."

"That is a great assumption on your part."

"How is birthday dinner date not followed by birthday sex?"

"We'll see."

"You can pretend," he says, sing-song, "but I know you like me in a suit."

Yuna sighs as she pulls out her phone. "It is true. I do appreciate men in suits."

"Wait." Satoru freezes. "Nanami…?"

She does not look up from her phone as she texts someone. "We should go."

"Yuna!"

From: Morimoto Yuna

[16:25] Be there soon.

Megumi looks up from his phone.

"They're on their way."

"From where?" says Maki, jabbing a balloon rather ferociously to fix it in its place on the arch. "Does that mean they're walking like normal people, or is Satoru going to teleport here?"

Megumi wishes he'd assigned the decorations to someone other than Maki, who does not have a decorative bone in her body. She'd gotten all the supplies on sale, which means that the balloon arch is pink, gold, and white, but the streamers are green, and the Happy Birthday sign is neon yellow.

"Probably teleport," says Panda, who had been in charge of party favors. He is wearing three party hats stacked on top of one another and has chewed through several extendable party blowers. "Morimoto-san said the fake reservation was for six-thirty."

"Do you think Gojou-sensei will want this?" asks Yuuta, worried. "What if he really just wanted to get dinner with Morimoto-san, and he's disappointed that he's here instead?"

Megumi stills. Yuna had been the one to suggest the surprise party, and Megumi, who knows Satoru loves being the center of attention, had agreed. Now that Yuuta has brought up this concern, Megumi can't help but find legitimacy in it. He's not the only one.

"He probably will be," says Maki dully.

"Salmon," agrees Toge.

"I'm sure Gojou will appreciate all of his students being so thoughtful as to throw a surprise party for him," says Kento from the least offensively decorated corner of the room, where the food tables stacked with sushi platters, beverages, and a three-tiered cake stand. (Toge had ordered the cake online, and Megumi is pretty sure he'd ordered from a wedding caterer because it had come with two miniature figures to put on top but Megumi had thrown the figurines away—)

"It's really quite sweet," Shouko agrees, uncorking a bottle of red wine she'd brought.

Mei extends her glass to Shouko for refill. The adults had brought their own gifts, which for some reason are all types of alcohol. "It's very sweet. I'm sure Gojou will be touched."

"He better be," says Yaga gruffly. "You guys worked hard on this."

Megumi looks uncertainly around the room, which looks more like a disaster with every passing second.

"Hard on what?" says Satoru's voice right behind Megumi.

"Shit!" Megumi jumps up and turns around, having been too distracted to notice that characteristic minute pressure build-up that functions as a warning before Satoru magically appears.

"Language," demurs Yuna, though her eyes are amused, "Megumi-kun."

"What's going on?" Satoru looks around the room. "Why're you all here?"

"Can't you read?" deadpans Maki. "Happy birthday."

"Eh?" Satoru blanches, genuinely surprised.

"Shit," mutters Megumi. Both Satoru and Yuna are dressed like they're going to the opera—the birthday party decorations seem even more elementary in comparison, and then Megumi had been caught off guard so the group hadn't rallied in a collective "Happy Birthday!" like they do in all surprise parties, at least, according to all the dumb dramas Tsumiki used to watch—

"Seriously?" says Satoru, scanning the room with progressive disbelief.

"Yeah," Megumi says, wishing the ground could swallow him whole. "It's a birthday party. For you."

Satoru's grin is so wide and his eyes behind his sunglasses are so bright, Megumi has to look away.

"You planned this?" he says, delighted. "For me?!"

"Well…" Megumi gestures half-heartedly to the first-year classmates behind him, who collectively wince from the acknowledgement. "It was a group effort."

"From your kids," clarifies Shouko.

"We brought wine," offers Mei.

"I brought whiskey," Kento corrects.

"Same," says Yaga.

"Happy birthday, Gojou-sensei!" says Yuuta sincerely. "Sorry, this could be better but we just wanted to show our appreciation for you! E-especially from me, I-I just wanted to thank you for everything, from teaching me about curses and how to work with Rika-chan and for stopping the Higher-Ups from executing me!"

Maki points to Yuuta. "What he said."

"We got you a bunch of sweets from abroad," Panda explains as he hefts a sizable box onto the teacher's desk. "Maki found the place, actually. She said you liked American sweets, so we got all this stuff from this importer. I don't know if you should actually eat them, though, some have colors that shouldn't be eaten—like what's a blue apple?"

"Salmon."

Megumi soldiers on, despite feeling increasingly uncomfortable with how brightly Satoru's eyes are shining and how genuinely taken he is with this childish surprise party.

"We got this for you too."

He hands Satoru a flat, black box wrapped with white ribbon. Satoru unties the bow and opens the box, lifting up a circle of black cloth. He looks at Megumi quizzically.

"It's a blindfold. It's custom-made," explains Megumi. "I did some research. It's supposed to be this material that's like a really advanced form of Kevlar that's still soft, so should be easier to take on and off than your bandages but more protective of your Eyes."

A long silence follows Megumi's explanation. The first-years stare at him. The adults stare at him. Satoru stares at him. Yuna smiles.

Megumi wants to go home.

"What?" he says uneasily.

"You didn't tell us about that," whispers Panda loudly.

"Yeah, that's actually really…thoughtful," grins Maki.

"Wow, that's a great gift!" Yuuta says with horrible, eager honesty. "You did so much research!"

"It's a group gift," tries Megumi desperately.

"It's not," Maki says adamantly.

"Got it," says Satoru. His grin is not-so-wide anymore, but he pats Megumi's head, and his voice is a little softer. "Thanks, Megumi. It's great. I'll start wearing it in the New Year. It'll be like a fresh start. Thanks for thinking about me."

Megumi does not know what to do with Satoru's genuineness—he glances at Yuna, whose eyes are shining. She smiles at him, but does not say anything.

"Yeah," Megumi says, throat dry. "Sure. Happy birthday, Satoru."

"Happy birthday!" the others clamor in, and Satoru ruffles Megumi's hair one more time before he makes his way over to greet the others, the blindfold still gripped in his hand.

"It is a very thoughtful gift," says Yuna quietly so only Megumi can hear. "You did a wonderful job, Megumi-kun."

"It was all your idea."

"That is not true. I only brought him here. This," Yuna gestures to the room, full of mishmashes of colors and a wedding birthday cake and terrible American candy, full of laughter and light and love, "you did this. You should be proud of yourself."

He stares at his shoes. "Yeah."

Yuna beams at him, and though Megumi has been taller than her for a few years now, she reaches an arm around his shoulders and hugs him close. "I'm proud of you."

Megumi leans into her hold. He wishes Tsumiki was with them.

"Thanks, Yuna-san."