Bravery, Loyalty, Honour
Nelson was beside himself with grief and shock at the betrayal. 'I … I treated you like a brother.'
Crane was turning away in grief and shock at the rejection. Hearing those words he stopped, stricken, turned back, stepped toward the Admiral, to speak perhaps, to explain, to justify …
Nelson thinking Crane a Cain, and grieving that brother lost, cut him off, wouldn't hear him. 'Get out of here! Get out of my sight!'
The Admiral's grief was great. He had presumed a kinship. There was none.*
Sometimes especially deep affinity, and devotion are diligently concealed
for fear of intrusion or rejection.
Sometimes loyalty and allegiance are veiled in a guise of perfidy.
Nelson appeared in sick bay, nodded to Riley who stopped reading. Nelson sat down quietly beside Riley and politely asked him what he was reading to the Skipper. Riley pointed out the cover of the book. Nelson told him it was a good choice and then simply sat in silence looking at Crane.
Riley sat quietly for a while then shifted awkwardly and looked at the Admiral as if he wanted to speak to him but wasn't sure if he should. Nelson noticed, "What is it, Riley?"
"Well, sir, I don't know if I should ask even … it might seem impertinent or none of my business? I mean … you're an Admiral, sir." Riley was a bit overawed. "And although I was there and heard it, it was really a … a private conversation between you and the Skipper you see … "
"Mm hmm." Riley was the youngest crewman aboard and very green but Nelson saw potential in him. "Well, why don't you ask and I will let you know if it's impertinent?"
"Ok. Well, sir, … the Skipper didn't actually say much, but he apologized to you even though he was the one being tortured. Why did he need to apologize? I don't understand."
"Mm hmm, I see." He paused for thought, "Well, Riley, there are really several answers for that, but a lot of explanation to understand any of them. I can explain one of them a bit if you want me to, but it might take a while … "
"Yes, sir. I'm here all watch. I think I want you to. If you will, sir."
"All right. The first part of the answer, the background, is that the Skipper and I are good friends. Not just officers who have great rapport and work well together, we are also friends. Now don't you ever repeat this, Riley, but I kind of think of him as the brother I never had before, but found in him." Riley nodded thoughtfully looking as if he has just assumed a solemn trust.
"The Skipper apologized to me because he had to cry out … yell, at the last. When the beating was too much for him to take in silence."
"But, sir, we heard him the day before, that's how we knew you weren't being well treated."
"Yes, there are sounds a man makes when he is beaten. If your wind is knocked out of you, you have to gasp; your body just does that. The same if you are hit in the stomach, kidneys, wherever, you groan. Those are sounds you can't help. So, of course, we could all hear the Skipper being beaten up, but the Skipper chose not to call out … to yell … scream … " Nelson's voice faded a bit at the memory.
"He chose?"
"And that's the next part of the answer. There is more than one way to torture a person. Those men knew that the Skipper and I are friends. They wanted me to give them classified information but didn't want me to be physically harmed for reasons of their own. So they picked the one man aboard whom I view as a brother and physically assaulted him to coerce me. So I wasn't being beaten up but I was being 'tortured' for information. It just wasn't physical torture it was emotional torture. If that makes sense."
"Ok, I guess so. I understand."
"The Skipper knew they were beating him to get to me. Now the skipper of any vessel is responsible for the wellbeing of everyone aboard, even the people who outrank them – like admirals. Our Skipper takes that responsibility for his men very seriously, very seriously indeed – personally." Nelson's voice broke slightly; he paused to compose himself to go on.
Riley glanced at the Skipper; he had always thought of skippers as having power not responsibility, now he wondered about that kind of responsibility.
"He chose, tied up and being abused as he was, to shield me, to look after my wellbeing. He offered me the only comfort he could in that situation, which was to not vocalize his own distress, in order to not add to my suffering. He tried to hide his pain from me." Another slight pause, "At the very end, when the pain became too much … far, far too much … he could no longer take it quietly … " Nelson paused again to control his voice, "He knew it would hurt me to hear him cry out. He felt guilty … like he was torturing me himself. That's why he apologized."
"But, sir, that's horrible for him to feel like that … I mean he wasn't hurting you. Or … maybe? Sir, but you understood that right? You wouldn't hold that against him?"
"Of course, I understood. If you remember that conversation you'll remember I told the Skipper I wouldn't hear him scream. Not that I couldn't. My choice. I started yelling to cover his cries for the exact reason I told him. So he could scream … scream bloody murder … without worrying about what it did to me."
"But couldn't you still hear him, sir?" The young man said this rather hesitantly and uncertainly; just now imaging what that mental anguish might be like. Imagining how he would feel if he heard Patterson …
Nelson sighed sadly and grimaced with the remembrance. "Yes, Riley, I heard, every single sound. I think it hurt me much more than even the Skipper was afraid it would." The Admiral suddenly said more than he had ever expected to say to this young crewman. "Hearing Lee screaming at what they did to him cut my heart open. They talk about bearing the unbearable … that was what that was for me." He stopped, cleared his throat and briefly brought the back of his cuff to his eyes.
"But, sir, you told him he didn't hurt you?"
"I was hurt, but not by him. Riley, I wasn't going to let the Skipper be sedated, not knowing if he will ever wake up, with him thinking he helped those barbarians to hurt me. All the hurt that happened in that room lies squarely on them." After a pause Nelson said sadly and tiredly, "There are still more answers to that question, other reasons, but is that enough for the moment?"
Riley thought the Admiral's choice to yell sounded remarkably understanding and compassionate, although those weren't the words the young surfer would use to describe it. His heart was touched by an exceptional friendship that had the Admiral stopping the Skipper being sedated until he reassured him, but there was something he still didn't understand. That didn't make sense to him.
"Yes, sir, but … I don't want to sound like I am accusing you of anything, sir … but … "
"If you think it will sound like that, then we should talk about it."
"Well, sir, … I don't understand what could be so important that you could let that happen to the Skipper if he is your friend."
"You think I should have stopped it?"
"Well … yes."
"Riley, there really is no way for me to answer that except to say that certain classified information just cannot get into the hands of our country's enemies. Some information is too vital. A single friendship can't allow millions of people to be put at risk. Can you understand that?"
"I suppose so, but it still seems to me like … " His voice cracked and he was terribly embarrassed by that but pressed on, " … like you abandoned the Skipper … " Riley sounded both absolutely appalled and apologetic for that affront to his Admiral. "I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't say that … but … if you know what I mean?"
"Mm hmm, I do understand that. Now please listen carefully because this is important. Riley, I didn't stop what they were doing, because the Skipper didn't want me to."
"Sir, how could that be what he wanted?"
"Let me explain. First, I did not have the information Foley wanted but Foley thought I did. Second, the Skipper did have that information, but Foley didn't know that. Is that clear?"
"Umm, yeah, I guess."
"Now, as I explained before, Foley wanted me to tell him what he wanted to know by hurting the Skipper."
"Right."
"The Skipper could have told him at any time. I knew not to give away to Foley that the Skipper could tell him because the Skipper didn't give it away to Foley himself. The Skipper was protecting our country by letting Foley's men beat him. How could I let what the Skipper was doing go to waste by telling myself? If anyone could actually have stopped them the Skipper could. He even had the information they wanted, at least some of it, right there in the room with him the whole time." Nelson felt weak again just thinking of the pains taken to conceal that bit of paper.
"Sir?"
"Sparks gave the Skipper a coded message about the mission just before Foley's men commandeered the boat. It was in the Captain's personal code. Before the Skipper could decode the message the boat was taken over. I knew the Skipper had the message but I didn't see what the Skipper did with it when Foley invaded the control room. So I didn't know either what the message said, or where it was, but I knew it was about the mission. The Skipper hid it. Foley never knew about it."
"He hid it?"
"Oh it was the simplest place to hide it. He just put it in his pocket. Things happened so fast there really wasn't time to find a better hiding place, but no one knew he had it on him so they didn't look. The corpsmen found it when they collected his personal effects in sick bay."
"So you mean the Skipper knew and purposely let them pound him?'
"Yes, exactly. If that's what the Skipper was willing to do, I couldn't betray the Skipper by saying anything to stop it."
Nelson and Riley looked at each other in sad understanding. They both turned and looked at Crane, Nelson with deep concern, guilt, and fear, Riley with puzzled admiration and ever-growing respect.
The Admiral did not tell the young crewman that no matter what was said or not said Crane would have been killed. There was no reason for Messer to stab the Captain when he did except that he enjoyed killing.
Riley looked as if he still had many questions, but seeing the Admiral's desperately sad expression as he gazed at the sleeping man before them, paused, sat back. "Thank you for explaining, sir." Riley pondered the Admiral's words for a bit. Eventually he reopened the book and after glancing at the two officers continued reading from where he had left off.
The next watch started and Crane was not out of danger and still sedated.
The morning passed, Crane's condition not improving.
They met the Thalassa to hand off the purification team for transport back for investigation. Fortunately they didn't have to keep them any longer as the crew felt some antagonism toward them, especially toward Messer who kept asking, with insolent relish, if the man was dead yet.
When they met the Thalassa the first order of business, even before the hijackers were taken off, was to have the Thalassa's doctor came aboard to confer with Doc. The doctors also conferred with Chip and once the hijackers were off Morton took Seaview down below the surface turbulence so the two doctors could perform surgery to find and stop ongoing bleeding. When the doctors came out of sick bay following surgery Nelson looked at Doc anxiously. Doc, looking exhausted, gave a nod. There was more hope now.
Despite discussion that Crane could get back to Santa Barbara more quickly aboard Thalassa, Seaview kept Crane aboard as it had the better-equipped sick bay. Nelson would have prevented a patient transfer anyway; he wanted the Captain aboard for reasons of his own.
Thalassa had a crewman with the right blood type and a unit was gladly donated as reserve. Thalassa provided plasma, IV fluids, medications, and medical supplies to restock Seaview's sick bay.
Late Wednesday evening, the Doc told Nelson and Morton that Crane was tentatively considered out of danger. Following surgery and treatment his condition had stabilized. Doc wanted to keep him heavily sedated for another twelve hours or so to ensure he remained stable and still, to give the damage more time to heal before he woke up and started to move. Doc warned that once Crane woke the discomfort he would experience would be distressing. Nelson was relieved but continued to worry.
There was a lessening of tension both in the control room and at the Institute when Morton had Sparks send the message: CDR Crane condition: Serious.
The second night in sick bay passed with the men still taking watches with their Skipper.
* Muntiny