Troubled Waters

They were furious. Crane was out of control shouting out an insolent, career-killing insult, a verbal assault on Nelson's character. The Admiral swiftly backhanded him across the face in a career-ended confirmation. In the sudden silence both instantly understood that stark finality. This couldn't be undone. Crane turned away, rubbing his head. Then he said something to the Admiral that saved his career. More importantly it saved their friendship.*

Sparks arrived at the Captain's cabin. "Skipper, this came for you. It's in your personal code."

"Thank you Sparks."

Crane decoded and read the message with a look of incredulous disbelief. He coughed. He didn't have the energy to face what it said and with the heavy sensation of being submerged in despair sank into the chair at his desk, his head dropping into his hands. Time passed and he didn't move. There was no energy to deal with this overwhelming requirement. He was cold and stiff before he lifted his head and in despair restlessly moved about his cabin with none of his usual vigour. He coughed, snatched up the message and with another cough and grimace headed out of his cabin. As he exited his corpsman, Smith this watch, followed behind him. He worked his way to Nelson's cabin and knocked on the door.

The Admiral listened to what the Captain had to tell him and shook his head at Crane's disinclination, "But Lee, we need you carry on as if nothing has happened. They won't expect it. It took a lot of manoeuvring to get orders to let you continue while on the sick list. But command gave those orders because they realize it's a priceless opportunity to uncover the plot that we could never get otherwise. It's easy, just attending ceremonial functions."

Crane would normally be thrilled to have a shortened time on the sick list but this time he was desperately and seriously injured and had no energy or stamina to even imagine continuing with the mission no matter how easy it might be. "But something has happened! And you arranged orders to override medical?" Crane was used to Nelson's overstepping, had learned ways to deal with it, but this time his anger was uncharacteristically instantly triggered by Nelson's disclosure. He couldn't deal with this. His apathy for the mission was contrasted by his seething resentment at his inclusion in it. "When I am not fit? When I should be at home on leave?"

With the answer in his hand for the first time he wondered why he wasn't home already. He would have had any seriously injured crewman home by now. But he obviously didn't warrant that respect. His inner tension triggered his cough and he grimaced in frustration at the resulting pain.

"Of course I did, but Kowalski will go as your assistant to help you. In fact from now on all Kowalski's duty watches will be with you, so you two can get used to working together."

Lee scoffed angrily, "Working together? Work! Doc won't even let me out of civvies and now I'm working?"

"Well yes and no. Kowalski will work to help you with everything that you can't manage on your own right now."

"Admiral! That's almost everything I do!" Lee's voice rose with a dangerous bite to it. The Admiral obviously had no idea what his corpsmen were doing for him right now. Then he coughed again and he hugged his ribs to brace against the pain. He couldn't even raise his voice as loudly as he wanted to express his displeasure because it stressed his throat and breathing, triggering coughing spells. His ribs hurt so much.

Nelson ignored the signs of discomfort and ploughed ahead. "Exactly. That's why he'll be there." He radiated enthusiasm for the plan.

"He's not a corpsman." a bristling blunt observation.

"No he isn't, but he's already been getting instruction from the corpsmen on how to help you."

"Already getting instruction? How long have you been planning this?" He questioned in blistering acrimony.

Both men were suffering the effects of trauma and neither was emotionally stable. In addition neither even realized it. It was a bad recipe.

This seemingly petulant obstruction from the man he usually counted on for enthusiastic partnership in all his missions raised Nelson's temper and with it his voice. "What's wrong with you, Lee? I thought of this as soon as I realized Foley assumed I was the delegate. It was an unexpected opportunity to undermine their plans. Mind you I didn't know then that you would be damaged quite so much."

What was wrong with him? What kind of question was that? Crane's indignation had kindled into a fiery rage. He found the strength to raise his voice, "Damaged? Was that damage ever a factor in this?"

The Captain's anger and raised voice put Nelson into full cry and he hotly proclaimed, "No, of course not. Why would it? We need this to work. You're going."

Outside the Admiral's cabin, Smith glanced over his shoulder at the closed door. What was going on?

Lee's anger had escalated beyond any possible containment; in boiling frustration and fury he shouted out his point blank refusal of an order, "No. I'm not." But he didn't have the stamina to fight his corner. He was shaking with rage. He couldn't manage this. His hot glare seared the Admiral. Then he spat out a scathing, "By your leave, Admiral." It was every bit as scorching and insolent as he intended. Turning away abruptly he quit the field of battle and in impotent wrath headed to the door.

"Captain Crane, come back here!" It was the second time in a few days the Admiral had used that rare tone with his Captain, but it was the first time the anger was directed at the Captain.

Crane, in negation, brushed off the command, and continued out the door almost ramming into Smith outside.

Nelson stepped forward angrily, "Crane!" Then followed him out to the passageway loudly barking out the command, "Captain Crane! Get back here!"

Crane ignored that command. His retreat was impeded by a coughing spell that stopped him dead in his tracks. He paused, leaning painfully against the bulkhead for support. Smith, looking frantically between the two angry officers was unsure of exactly where his duty lay in this situation. Did he assist the Captain to follow the order or help him to disobey it? He offered the Skipper an arm, but Crane brusquely refused the help almost swatting him away with contempt. In anger Crane continued on his way before he should, stumbled as a result, and turned away from the corpsman's extended helping hand. Smith backed away as Crane foundered the rest of the way back to his cabin on his own. This was not the Skipper's usual polite and appreciative behaviour toward his corpsmen.

Nelson, watching as Lee faltered alone down the passageway, hesitated. The sight of the solitary Captain toiling heavily just to take the few steps to his own quarters jarred him. Hit him harder than Crane's anger did. He decided not to call out the insubordination right now after all.

Smith stepped forward to follow the Captain down the passageway. Before turning the corner Smith glanced back at Nelson with a quizzical expression. He had just overheard and seen a very intriguing and troubling interaction between the officers. His curious glance irritated Nelson immensely.

Nelson in exasperation immediately turned back into his cabin violently slamming the door with finality, confirming for the corpsman exactly what he wondered about. Nelson slumped down at his desk putting his head in his hands. It gradually dawned on the Admiral that what he had been planning and working so hard for, was something Lee couldn't do.

Smith, still in the passageway following the Skipper, next heard the sound of the Captain's door slamming shut and a soft thud as the Skipper leaned back sagging heavily against it.

After waiting a while for the Skipper to calm down, Smith knocked and put his head in to see if he could help the Skipper get ready for bed.

"Sir, can I give you a hand to get settled?"

Crane slumped at his desk with his head in his hands didn't even lift his head, "No."

Smith persisted as he was trained to do. "Sir, it would only take a couple of minutes and you would be much more comfortable."

"No."

The corpsman reluctantly closed the Captain's cabin door. He didn't like leaving the Skipper like that when he was in so much pain.

Crane was angry, hurting, and feeling powerless and abused by Nelson and the whole irregular system he worked in. Uniformed as Navy and under Navy discipline for some missions but not others. Navy personnel but on leave working for NIMR. Commanding a civilian-owned sub that carried government ICBMs. Where could he even appeal? He sat unable to do anything. He was physically injured, mentally and emotionally traumatized, and incapable of clear thought, useful activity, or anything requiring energy or personal initiative. He coughed. He seemed to sag even more. He couldn't see his way forward yet; he was too beaten and broken. He had nothing left in him to strive with and couldn't see anything yet worth striving for. He questioned what he was doing with this only thing he possessed, and nearly lost, his life. He felt completely overwhelmed and crushed by Nelson's expectations of him. After a long time he gingerly and dejectedly sank onto his bunk fully clothed.

After an hour or so, a calmer Nelson came to Crane's cabin, and with a quick guarded glance at Smith stationed there, knocked on the door; there was no answer so he knocked again. "Lee, it's Nelson." There was still no answer so he walked in. Crane was lying on the bunk face to the wall. "Lee, can I talk with you?" Crane didn't acknowledge him. Nelson stood by the bed a moment, "Lee, are you all right?" He took Crane's shoulder about to turn him toward him, but paused, remembering the broken bones. Crane's shoulder tensed rigidly under his hand, guarding against that touch. In utter silence Crane turned his face slightly toward Nelson, gave him a cold look from the corner of his eye, then turned away and covered his face with his arm. "Lee? I'd like to talk with you."

"Go away." The tone was bitter and chilling.

Nelson persisted, "Lee?"

"Leave me alone." Crane's voice was as brittle as ice.

Nelson faced the rejection and realized that if he pushed right now he would alienate his friend even more. Nelson rubbed his chin as he turned away. At the door he paused with his hand on the jamb to look back then turned to leave, as he left Lee coughed and gasped at the pain.

On a subsequent attempt from Smith to get the Skipper more comfortable for the night the Skipper again refused and stayed on the bunk fully clothed. Smith was very dissatisfied with this as the Skipper would be far more comfortable if properly settled. He knew the Skipper was already in much pain without adding to it.

At the change of watch Smith duly reported Crane's refusal of assistance to get settled for the night. He also had some choice scuttlebutt to share with the other corpsmen.

* The Saboteur