Harm and Insight
It didn't help that he knew Crane was drugged … that explained the murderous actions but it didn't help him to survive them.*
Kowalski reported to Crane's cabin the next morning as ordered. He was very deferential as this was completely unprecedented and likely to be a duty watch of a very personal nature. He didn't know what to expect or if he would have to maintain conversation with his superior officer. It was bit nerve wracking.
Crane was lying on the bed and refused to speak. When Kowalski went to the bunk he realized the Skipper was fully clothed in yesterday's rumpled clothing and looking unwell, flushed and shivering. He called sick bay. Doc arrived at Crane's cabin to find the Skipper in a fever with a cough and started treating the Captain for infection. Kowalski was reassigned to his regular duty watches for the day since the ailing Skipper wasn't ready for this duty.
During the day Nelson had a talk with Doc, who was helpful in explaining traumatic shock. Doc pointed out that both he and the Captain were suffering from it even if they didn't realize it. This would colour their thinking, reactions, and ability to cope with even routine situations and things were not routine at the moment. Their actions and reactions would not necessarily follow old patterns.
Doc once again reiterated that the Captain's physical injuries were severe and extensive. It would take weeks for him to be anywhere near normal in that regard. Nelson understood this intellectually but still didn't seem to understand that practically yet. He was in denial in that regard and still wanted his plan to go ahead.
Nelson did realize he couldn't fix things with the Captain just by ordering them fixed. It would require both of them to want it. Yes, he could order things done, he could order the Captain to continue the mission, but he couldn't order an agreeable working relationship or reconciliation. He very badly wanted the friendship salvaged not just the working relationship. Repairing that rift with both of them already traumatized might take more time, compromise, and leeway than the Admiral was used to.
He was blind to how the mission information had set back Crane's recovery already. The added demand had crushed the already broken Captain.
Everyone noticed the Skipper never showed up in the nose that day.
Patterson was with Kowalski in the crew's quarters. Kind-hearted Patterson was troubled, "The scuttlebutt is that the Captain and Admiral are not talking. That's why the Skipper wasn't out to the nose today. All the men are wondering what gives."
Kowalski didn't believe this. "I saw the Skipper this morning when I reported for duty and he had a fever, that's why we haven't seen him."
"I don't know, that's not what the scuttlebutt is saying."
After the long day of restlessness Nelson impatiently paced his cabin. In sudden decision he walked down the passageway to Crane's cabin where a corpsman was stationed, "Hello, Bill. Please present my compliments to the Captain and suggest I pay him a visit." The corpsman, of course, had heard the scuttlebutt of a disagreement between the two officers but made no indication of that to the Admiral. The fact the Admiral didn't just knock on the door and walk in along with the formality of the Admiral's message reinforced what the scuttlebutt suggested though. If Bill hadn't believed it before he was beginning to now.
"Aye, aye, sir." The corpsman knocked and entered Crane's cabin. The Admiral paced back and forth in the passageway, one hand in his pocket the other rubbing his face.
Bill returned with the response, "The Captain presents his respects to the Admiral and declines a visit sir." The Captain's equally formal response and refusal along with the attitude with which he dictated his answer had Bill convinced now.
"Mm hmm. I see. Very well. Thank you, Bill."
Surprisingly, Nelson walked away. He would normally think nothing of barging into the Captain's cabin if he wanted to. Even though he had worked himself up to talking with Crane right now he didn't override the Captain's wish. This time he feared his usual tactics were useless. He was at a loss on how to mend the fissure in the friendship. For once he actually puzzled at how to accommodate his Captain's feelings rather than overriding them. It seemed very strange to him that some days ago they had been united in facing horrors together, and now the Captain wouldn't even speak with him. But, it had been a rather rough week. Nelson was blind to Crane's deep inner torment.
The Exec approached Kowalski the next day, "Kowalski, your duty watch is changed again. The Skipper is a bit better today so you are assigned to him. Get familiar with what he needs help with. Be on your toes. We lost a whole day yesterday when the Skipper wasn't up to it and you both need to be ready."
"Aye, aye, sir."
Kowalski reported for duty at Crane's cabin again. He still didn't know what to expect. He and the Skipper looked at each other. The Skipper appeared weaker and greyer than ever. He coughed then spoke first to try to put Kowalski at ease with the situation.
"Kowalski, neither of us quite know what we're doing today, so please just bear with me. We'll have to figure this out together, if we can. Can you manage that?"
"Aye, sir." He paused then said. "Sir, they told me to help you get dressed, but is that right?"
"I'm afraid so, Kowalski. I'm pretty useless at the moment."
Just then there was a knock on the door. The corpsman, Thompson, looked in. "Good morning, sir. Uh, Captain, the Admiral presents his compliments and … "
"No." Crane interrupted him angrily. "Just say no." Crane paused and tsked, "Sorry that was abrupt. That is my answer, but I didn't mean for it to sound harsh on you. It's not your fault. Present my respects and tell him no. Thank you, Thompson."
"Aye, aye, sir."
Kowalski looked surprized and thoughtful hearing that. He realized that the scuttlebutt was right. Once the interruption was over he returned to the job in hand and helped Crane take off his PJ top. When Kowalski saw Crane's body, bruises, wheals, and bandages he froze rather shocked.
Crane was apologetic. "I'm sorry, I guess I look a bit like something out of a horror movie."
Once the first shock was past, Kowalski pulled himself together as he was so capable of doing and calmly continued by holding a shirt open for the Skipper to put on. "Don't apologize, sir. I knew they beat you, I mean we all heard it on the PA, and I saw you in main stores, but I guess I didn't really piece it together until now how much. That there was so much more than the stab wound and the call for blood donors for that."
"What?" The Skipper stopped working his arm through the sleeve and looked at Kowalski.
"Didn't you know? When you were in sick bay, there was a call for a couple of blood donors. Just about everyone showed up. There was quite a scrum in the passageway outside sick bay. I'll bet Mr. Morton had to scramble to hold trim."
A stab wound? Blood transfusion? Crane found himself once more at a loss about some of what happened and felt foolish as a result. He needed to have a frank talk with Doc. He rallied quickly, "No … No. I … I had no idea." The Skipper finished putting his arms through the sleeves and Kowalski adjusted the cuff of the right sleeve over the bandages on his wrist for him.
Kowalski continued the story as he rolled the Skipper's left cuff out of way noting how snug it was over the cast. "Well, like I said they only needed a couple of donors. Lucky for me, I was already at sick bay on Skipper Watch, and my blood had the right kind of letters, so I got bled a bit. You've got some of my blood in your veins right now."
The Skipper stopped dead. "Kowalski! I didn't know! I don't how to thank you."
"Think nothing of it, Skipper."
"I'll have to decline, it's a lot more than nothing." He paused briefly for thought. Why was it so hard to think? He sorted through what Kowalski had said. "By the way, what is Skipper Watch?"
"Oh, when you were out cold the Admiral refused to leave sick bay. He was exhausted 'cause he hadn't slept for days, but wouldn't leave your side to get some rest. So Doc ordered him out, but the Admiral insisted someone that you knew well, that you would recognize easily, be there with you at all times." Kowalski suddenly started to feel a bit uncomfortable with what he had just said in light of the Skipper's interaction with the corpsman just a minute or two ago.
"But why?"
"Why what?"
"Why have someone there?"
"The Admiral said he didn't want you to wake up alone, or … " Kowalski paused uncertainly and looked up from the shirt buttons at the Captain's face judging if he should continue, " … or die alone if you couldn't wake up, so someone was there around the clock especially when the Admiral had to sleep. Riley was there when you did wake up."
"I remember Riley being there." Crane looked very thoughtful. He had been unaware of the Skipper Watch. Feelings of enlightenment, guilt and exhaustion washed over him and he sat down weakly, utterly spent.
"Skipper, I hate to ask, but do you think you should be on this mission when you were just tortured like that?"
"Kowalski, it was the Admiral that was tortured. I was just beaten up." Kowalski looked slightly puzzled by that. "But, no I don't think I should be on this mission at all. Somehow my orders got revised to override any Doctor's orders so I don't have any choice."
"Seeing what's under your shirt makes me think this is expecting a bit too much right now." Almost every part of the Skipper that the shirt covered was purple black with bruising or covered in bandages. Not to mention the very obvious weakness, shakiness, cautious movement, and ashen-faced discomfort, he thought but didn't say. He asked hesitantly, "Is the rest of you like that too?"
"Yeah, pretty much every bit of me." A pause, then a very vulnerable and human Skipper asked, "Kowalski, how do you think I'll manage to get a bunch of formalities right when just putting a shirt on exhausts me?"
Kowalski replied, "It will be a lot to handle, sir. That's why I am going with you. The men are all rooting for you, Skipper."
During the morning Kowalski got out the uniform jackets and shirts Crane would need for the commissioning and took them to be altered to fit over the cast on his left arm so he didn't have to have the sleeves slung over his shoulder. At lunch Kowalski noticed the Captain barely touched his food and realized he will need to check the menus for the event to make sure Crane could manage eating with one hand. He also decided he needed to report to the Doc about the Skipper not eating much. How would he get stronger if he didn't eat?
The scuttlebutt said the disagreement between the Admiral and the Captain was because the Skipper had to complete his mission. The crew admired both men immensely but felt the Admiral was expecting too much this time. Their feeling in this instance was with their battered Skipper. No matter which way the scuttlebutt presented it, whether it was the Admiral or the Skipper that was tortured, and there was plenty of confusion as to which one was, there was no doubt that the Skipper was the one gravely injured. Nelson couldn't help but notice the mood of the crew.
After lunch while Kowalski was off duty Crane requested the Doctor come to his cabin. He had questions to ask.
Later that afternoon, Smith, who was off duty, was pulled from his quarters and sent to the Captain's cabin. He gathered he was about to be censured for spreading scuttlebutt about senior officers and arrived at the cabin door in trepidation. The duty corpsman at the door and he shared a look then Smith, drawing a deep breath and squaring his shoulders as if facing a Captain's Mast, knocked on the door.
When he came out a few minutes later his buddy asked, "What's the verdict?"
Smith, in relieved puzzlement replied, "He apologized to me, for speaking harshly to me the other evening. I mean we corpsmen know more than anyone else aboard how hurt he really is, and how much effort he has to put in just to function at all. Yet he apologized to me for not being as polite as usual." Smith's regard for the Skipper, already high, had been raised up a notch more.
It was evening, the end of a long tiring day. Crane was unhappy and distracted. The Doc answered his questions but told him a lot of other things too. Now he felt guilty for rebuffing Nelson's approaches. He knew the Admiral had been through hell the last few days.
He went to his door and spoke to Brand the corpsman on duty there. "Come in please for a moment, if you will." He had been especially careful with his corpsmen since the other night. His behaviour then was yet another thing he felt guilty about. He hoped he had patched that up okay with Smith.
"Aye, sir." Brand stepped into the cabin.
"Can you please find the Admiral? Present my respects and say I recommend he pay a visit should he wish, at his discretion." Crane was very careful to get the naval formalities of address from lower rank to higher absolutely correct. He should have offered to go to the Admiral but he was so weary and nothing might come of it anyway.
"Aye, aye, sir."
A while later Brand returned, "The Admiral presents his compliments and says he will be here shortly." Nelson had been naval correct and brief in his response. It told Crane nothing except that he would be coming.
"Very well. Thank you." Crane suddenly looked very apprehensive and even fearful.
Brand caught the Skipper's expression as he stepped out of the cabin. He was glad he had this watch. He would have the next bit of scuttlebutt to share.
* The Enemies