[The episode begins in the Ice Kingdom.]
Ice Princess: [Off-screen] Okay, Hambo! You ready for the show to begin?!
Hambo Roar! [Sips drink]
Ice princess: One, two, three... [she comes out, revealing she's wearing a false white beard.] [Singing] hambo! [Sings the hambo version of the Fry song] [hambo stares lovingly at Ice princess.] [Speaking] It's rhetorical, hambo. Simon's songs are so good! Mmm... Maybe I can get Simon to write a song with me! [The polar bear pulls off Ice princess's beard.] Man, if he helped me write a song like that, I'd be crushin' it nonstop with the princes and royalty! Ooh, yeah! [The Ice princess notices that the polar bear is chewing on the beard.] Heh! Hambo, you cute little dummy. You know, hambo, my song is gonna need some dope lyrics to lure the peoples in. Hmm.
[Walks to a bookshelf and pulls out a book]
Ice Princess: Jay T. Doggzone always says, "parents are drawn to kids with tortured pasts." And I've got a way tortured past! ...I think. I don't really... re... [Unsure] Hmm. [Flies up and grabs the baby polar bear] Quickly, hambo! To the "The Past" room!
[Carrying the baby polar bear, she flies down to the depths of her lair and arrives in a room full of various items.] Ah, yes. [She opens a drawer and takes out her scrapbook.]
Ice princess: Lot of emotional, powerful stuff in here. [Sniffs it] Still wet with tears... I'll take some-a' these for lyrical inspiration. [Throws scrapbook on pile of junk] So where's Mr.Petrikov living these days?
Baby polar bear: Roar
Ice princess: A cave?? [Blows a small raspberry]
[Ice princess flies out of her lair, carrying the polar bear, an Omnichord, and an axe shaped bass. She's being viewed through binoculars.]
Finn[Viewing Ice princess] Well, well, well. Looks like the Ice princess is up to bad biscuits, brotha.
Jake:Bad biscuits make the baker broke, bro.
Finn:Ice p, you make our job too easy. You ready to roll on this fool?
Jake: Dinner roll!
[Scene transition to Simon's cave. Simon is reading a book . He notices Ice princess coming in the cave through his window.]
Ice princess: Hello? Anybody home?
Simon: [To himself] No... [He goes outside his house.] What are you doing here? I told you not to come around me!
Ice princess: [Laughs] Uh, yeah, I know, but... I was hoping you could help me write a song—one that could help me get some royalty action.
Simon: I'm not gonna help you pick up on anyone!
Ice princess: [Desperate] Come on! We could be a prog rock duo! I'll even split the fans with you. I get the royalty, and you get... whatever it is you're into. Sounds good, yeah, I think it does! [Beat; Simon is scowling.] Ee-yoop!
[She laughs as she flies into his house. Simon waves Hambo goodbye and follows Ice princess. Hambo looks down in disappointment and walks away.]
Simon[Landing on porch; to Ice princess] Hey!!
Ice princess: EH...
Simon: Get outta here!!
Ice princess: Wait! Just let me play you what I've written so far! [She unties her equipment and it falls to the ground.] [To herself] Oh. Dang it. Tangles in the cord. Sometimes this happens when you fly with it... Tangles are hard... [She grunts as he tries to untangle it. Simon just stares.] Oh. Aw, aw, geez, no... Oh, no. [She lays on the ground, trapped in the tangled cord.] Ice Princess in trouble. [He looks at her awkwardly.] [Grunts] [To Simon ] Hey, you know what? I'll just hum it for ya. [Hums a tune] Is that good?
[The door opens.]
Finn & Jake ICE PRINCESS!
Finn:
...WHA?
Jake: Oh... You got 'er.
Finn : Nice job, simon.
[Jake walks up to Ice Princess.]
Jake: [Talking like Batman] Your constant harassment of royalty makes me sick.
[Jake picks up Ice princess. He and Finn start to walk off with her.]
Simon: No, she can stay
Finn & Jake WHA?!
Ice princess: YEAH, "WHA?!"
Simon: It's alright. We're working on a song together. [He takes Ice princess.]
Finn: You don't want us to... [Connects palm with fist] ...for you?
Simon: No, it's okay. You guys can go.
[Finn and Jake begin to exit, confused.]
Finn:...Okay... Well... I guess we'll see ya, then…
[They look around awkwardly.]
FINN & JAKE: Bye... [They exit.]
Ice Princess: [To simon] You know, I kinda like bein' tied up in these cords. Kinda freak-aaaayyy!
[he immediately drops her.]
[Scene transition. Simon plugs in and turns on the Omnichord.]
Simon: So what kinda song're we playing?
Ice princess: Ooh. I brought these [the scrapbook pages] for some inspiration. Just use these to work off of. Y'know, a template.
[He grabs a page. It's drenched in tears.]
Simon: Oookaaaay…
[He plays the Omnichord.]
Ice princess: Yeah. Yeah, that's good! Keep doin' that! [Ice princess snaps to the music.] [Singing] Slime Princess, you're alright. Flame Princess, you're okay. Wildberry Princess could be better. All of the princesses are pretty alright, but... Oh, Bubblegum! You look like a lot of fun! I'm right outside, and that is how I know! Hey, princess, did you get my text with a picture of my awesome gun show? I'm also workin' on my biceps! If you like, I'll send a picture of that, too! Oh, Bubblegum! [Simon looks uncomfortable.] I really need someone. [She sadly looks down.] Or anyone! [Saddening] ...Pretty much anyone. I'm so alone! [Activating ice magic] Won't somebody tell me what's wrong with me?! [Shooting frozen lightning bolts] Anybody! [Tearing up] Anybody! [Simon turns at the sound of her distress.] [Speaking] Anybody!!! [Practically sobbing] Grod in the sky, please tell me why!!!
Simon: Stop acting like this!!
Ice princess: No, it's just startin' to get good!! [Shooting ice beams everywhere, singing] Anybody!! [Speaking] Princesses, I command you, love me!! Love me!! Love me!! [Crying] Love me!!
[he forces her to the ground.]
Simon: [Direct] CALM DOWN!
Ice princess: I JUST WANNA BE LOVED!! [Pushes him off forcefully] Uh-oh. I'm sorry I pushed you. [She goes to the kitchen and plants her head against the refrigerator in sadness.] Uh... oh... I'll just stay out of your way. [Climbs on refrigerator] Again, I'm sorry I pushed you.
[Simon walks to the refrigerator and sighs. He then opens it and takes out a can of tomato juice. Ice princess's hair lightly rubs his head.]
Simon: huh?
Ice princess:Whatcha got? A can?
Simon: [Frustrated] Ugh! [He drops the can and just drops down, sitting in front of the fridge. He rolls the can away; the can reaches the Omnichord and turns it on.] [Singing] You're so
annoying, you pitiful young gal. I'd like to help you, but I don't know if your really my pal. I thought you were nuts, but you're really really really nuts. [Beat] Every time I move, eventually, you find me, and start hanging around. Just another lame excuse to see me. Man. It's getting me down. You know, I'm actually glad... to see you! [Speaking] Maybe I'm the one who's... [Sighing] nuts.
[The Omnichord switches off.]
Ice princess: Hold on! [Drops from fridge] Do you... like me?!
Simon: ...Of course I do, you crazy girl!
Ice princess :Really? ...Wow. [Wipes dirt off sleeve] How about... [Spreading arms out] one of these? [Simon's scowl fades. He consents and hugs her, visibly bittersweet about it.] Ah! [They pull back and look at each other in the eyes. She puckers her lips.] Mwah, mwah, mwah...
Simon: [Disgusted] AAAAAGH!!! Not like that!! You don't remember anything, do you... MARCELINE?
Ice Princess Who-celine?
Simon: Why do you even come see me when you don't remember me?! You don't even know who you are!
Ice princess:yes I do! I am a lyricist! [Pulling pages out] It's all here! On the page! The page in song, baby! On this receipt! On this takeout menu! On these newspapers! [Laughs]
[Simon stares, devastated. A photo lands in his hands.]
Simon: Huh? Look! This polerpid! This was you, Marceline! I took this for you!
[The picture portrays a young Ice princess smiling.]
Ice princess: Huh? [She can't make heads or tails of it.] Heh?
[Simon hurries to look for something else. He finds a picture of himself holding Marceline in a piggy back ride.]
Simon: This! I took this picture! Grr, you've scribbled all over it... Huh? [He reads the back of the photo, visibly in great shock.]
Ice princess: Ooh, ooh, are they good lyrics? [Grabbing Omnichord] I'll get the keyboard!
Simon: What? [In desperation] Wait, listen!
Ice princess: [Sets Omnichord up] Yeah, let's go! What's it say? Sing out, brother!
[Simon reads the message again, then stares at Ice princess, not sure what to do.]
Simon: [Singing and reading note] "Simon- my only friend, is it just you and me in this big dump of a world? This is all painful enough for you- and now me too! And I know I'm going to need you here with me, But I'm losing everything, and l'm afraid l'm gonna lose you eventually…"
Ice princess:Ooh, yeah! Keep it going! [Goes onto bass]
Simon: [Looking for another photo] Oh! Um... [Singing and reading note] "This magic kept us alive, but it's making [Pulling hair back, stressed out] hurt inside, And I need to save you, but who's going to save me? Please forgive me for whatever I do [simon shrinks in devastation] …Even if I can't remember what I do."
Ice Princess: [Happy] Wow, I wrote that? That's crazy!
Simon: What?! You don't even remember what it means?! [He grabs another photo and shows it to her. He tears up as his voice breaks.] Look!
Ice princess [Reads note while singing] "Simon, I can feel grasp slipping away. I'll never remember what it made me say ... But I remember that once I saw the crown- I swear I wanted to flip, your frown upside down! [She frowns and looks confused, but then ignores it.] This magic keeps us —"
[Singing together] "—alive, but it's making me hurt inside, [simon begins shedding tears.] And I need to save you, but who's going to save me..."
[Finn and Jake are still in the cave. Finn is looking in the house with his binoculars.]
Jake: What is goin' on in there?!
Finn [Takes binoculars off] ...I have no idea.
Ice princess and simon: [Singing together] "...Always forgive me for whatever Ill do
When I painfully- don't remember you."
[As the music continues and Ice princess and simon sing"Da da... da da... da da..." the scene flashes back to just after the apocalypse. It looks dismal and there are ruined buildings everywhere. A child Marceline cries. Simon Petrikov returns to her and wipes her tears in recompense for leaving her alone. He walks to a ruined store and grabs a teddy bear. He goes back and gives the toy to Marceline to make further amends, and she smiles sweetly. The episode ends.]