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I groaned as new recruits speed walked past me. I see them shudder as they looked at me. I knew I was considered as intimidating. I didn't mind though. Better this way, no one would bother me. I sigh as I see them disappearing around the corner of the hallway. I feel fingers tightening around my biceps and glanced down. Ah, right. The woman I was with yesterday wanted more. So annoying. I always tell them. I am always clear that I don't want to engage with them more than I should. Which meant only sex and only one time. I don't want a relationship. Our eyes met. Mine expressionless as ever behind my mask, hers red and wet. Annoying. I only spent one night. Only a few hours. Why do they always act like we've been together for years? Like I'm breaking their hearts?

I gently but firmly push her fingers away from my arm. She tried to resist but I am way stronger. I insisted, not wanted to hurt her and she reluctantly pulled her hand away. She knew. They all knew. The fact that I never seen anyone more than once is a known fact around the base. Why are they always so shocked? Her lower lips started to quiver. My jaws clenched. Disgusting. I know why they cry. They want a hug. Comfort. Unfortunately for them, I don't have any of that to give. When her tears didn't do much, she let out a frustrated grunt and ran away. Pathetic, like I would chase after her.

A hand of my shoulder made me turn around. John "Soap" Mactavish. The only member of the whole taskforce I was truly close with, a real friend. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the other members, but that was it. Like the kind cashier you like from your local store. Chatting with them is pleasant but you never really talk to them. John was different. I don't know why. Maybe because we have the same humor. Maybe because he doesn't find me intimidating. Maybe because he's a good soldier. Well they're all good soldiers. I do not know. He looks at me with a disapproving look.

"You could have at least said a few words to her" He said with a scolding tone. John never judged me for my behavior but never approved it. He had his arm folder on his chest, expecting a response.

"What use could it have done? I told her last night that we were done after" I replied in a monotone voice "I don't know why they always act like this. It's not like we were friends before I sleep with them."

"Women have a thing for mysterious men mate" John replied with a laugh. He patted my shoulder "Come on, we have a briefing to attend. Price will smoke us if we're late. Again."

He gave me a playful wink before turning around and walking away. I let a soft chuckle escape my lips and followed him. Price… Captain John Price. The first man I ever trusted after I was betrayed by my first commanding officer. The S.A.S wanted me out after my torture although I proved the brainwash had failed. Price believed me. And for that, I will always be in his debt. The captain has my upmost loyalty, forever loyal.

As we passed the common room on our way, John waved and smiled at another soldier. His boyfriend. I never liked the guy. He keeps on cheating and hurting John. But they remain together. Why? I tried talking with John about it, but he always dismisses the issue. So I just keep on being by John's side, trying to comfort him when needed. It's exhausting. But I don't mind putting the effort for John. He had a smile on his face from having seen his boyfriend. Seeing him this content made me happy. Or at least I think it's happiness. I am not sure anymore.

Price was waiting for us in the briefing room, leaning against the center table where a map was. I nodded at the rest of the team to acknowledge them and took place next to König, standing in front of the table. I glanced at the map. Ah, Russia.

"Sorry Captain, Ghost was yet again breaking hearts."

John explained. His comment made the rest of the members chuckle. I gave them a look that shut them up. Was I too harsh? Price cleared his throat and the attention fell upon him. He began his briefing. Makarov, an enemy we thought was long gone had reappeared. Of course we didn't know for sure as we only had eye witnesses as sources. But Makarov's return is a threat too big to ignore. Even if everything is a hoax. He might have been spotted in Russia, hiding. We were to investigate, to confirm his return but not to engage in anyway. Which meant, if we're seen, we're dead. I listened intensively at the captain's words, understanding the importance of it. We're to go in two days. Two days of preparation. Price dismissed us. The room's atmosphere was somber as we made our way out one by one.

Makarov… I know that we've all dreamt about killing him ourselves. And now that he might have reappeared. Hope spiked up. I made my way toward the base's gym. I needed to burn some steam. If Makarov was alive, then my old C.O was as well. I was thankful that my mask was hiding my face. If anyone saw the expression I had right now, I'd be killed on the spot.

I guess I wasn't the only one who needed to make their muscle sore as most of the team members were at the gym when I entered. A sense of camaraderie piqued at me. I brushed it off. My eyes scanned the area. A group of female soldiers were training together. I didn't recognize any of them. A fresh bash. I'll have my pick when my needs would be too much to ignore. I hopped on the treadmill and started running. It felt good. Running makes me feel free. Feeling like I could escape anything, knowing it's just an illusion.

After a couple hours of exercising, my gaze fell upon John and his boyfriend. It was known that they were a couple in the base. Everyone knew that I would kill anyone bullying John. So they were left alone. An annoyed twitch twirled my eyebrows. John's boyfriend had been with someone else the day prior and now he was gripping on John's waist like he was his only one. I sighed. Not my problem. Just be there when John gets his heart broken again.

…

The mission was a success. We confirmed Makarov's presence. But that wasn't enough to apprehend him. We need to wait for any illegal activities to be linked to him.

"That's fucking bullshit. How can we not get him for his past accusations? It's fucked up Captain!"

Gaz's frustrated voice filled the bar. I couldn't disagree with him though. Makarov had ordered a terrorist attack on a military base in central America. A lot people had died that day. Military and civilians. Somehow, Makarov escaped. I know how… But that's another story. I leaned back on my chair, approaching the beer to my lips. Price sighed loudly.

"I know son. But somehow the higher ups think that those were just allegations. Not enough to warrant an apprehension, it would be against the war crime laws" Price replied. His face was neutral. He always tried not to show too much emotion in front of us to let us fully express ours.

"Oh come on Cap, since when do we abide by those laws?"

Gaz retorted. He immediately tensed, just as everyone else but me. We knew that sometimes our missions required us doing some really, really, really bad stuff. Stuff that would be condemned by a few death penalties. But the world doesn't get better by singing happy songs. However, knowing this and making light of it were two different instances. And Price despised the later. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Gaz didn't mean any harm. He just says his thoughts out loud.

The table fell silent for a moment before Keegan changed the subject and reengaged the conversation. I wasn't interested by that so I scanned the bar. Lust tickled my lower abdomen. I should bring a woman back tonight. My eyes briefly spotted John. Again with that boyfriend of his. The boyfriend had his hand on John's waist and his eyes on another man's ass. I took a deep breath. Do not interfere. It'll make it worse for John.

Before long, I found the woman I chose. One thing about the mask, I don't have to chat too much to the women I want. I know how to spot those that'd be interested in me. Always the same. Superficial, magazine pretty, pretentious. I hate those. But they're good at sex. A lot of experience, I guess. I made my way toward her and approached from behind. I put my hands on her waist, clenching my fingers gently. Her head sprung around. She was about to send me off and curse me out. But as soon as her eyes laid upon me, a smile appeared on her face. That's right.

I offered to buy her a drink. Of course she accepts. We sat at the bar and began talking. Let me rephrase that. And she began speaking. They always talk a lot. Trying to impress me. I try to act interested but cannot keep up the act for long. They never realize though. And she isn't an exception. My eyes diverted to the room. I'm bored. I am still going to fuck her though. My eyes were caught my John. He was talking to his boyfriend in an obvious shush way. I frowned. Why is John upset? He never cared that his boyfriend cheated on him. Yes he did, but he didn't want to lose him. John seemed drunk. I try to discreet get Price's attention but the captain is too engrossed with his conversation with the rest of the team.

A hand on my thigh sprung me out of my thoughts. It's her. She was laughing and hitting my thigh. I had to muster every control of my muscle not to slap her hand away. I fucking hate being touched. God, I hate those women. If she wasn't objectively hot, I'd throw her out of my sight in an instant. She kept on talking for a while, never bothering to ask me a question. I was bored. The only thing that kept me on was imagining everything I would do to her later. I'll give her the night she deserves. I'll fuck her like the slut she is. For free. My eyes unconsciously searched for John. But he was there anymore, nor was his boyfriend. They made up. Her voice is a torture to my ear. If we don't go now, I'll end up alone tonight.

Without uttering a word to her, I stood up and made a gesture with my head for her to follow me. She did a God awful giggle. I repress a sigh. She walked ahead of me, showing me her back. Yeah, she's awful but fuck, she's hot. I quickened my pace to catch up to her. She grabbed on my arm. This time, I recoil and took my arm away. She didn't seem to mind. Not like I care anyway.

We reached the base's gate. The two agent and I exchange an understanding nod. Civilians weren't allowed in the base without proper paperwork and authorization. But at night it's different. As long as the civilian is gone before 7:00 the next day, all good. Of course the woman kept on talking to whole fucking way. I can't wait to shut her goddamn mouth with my dick. She's better swallow the whole thing too. I didn't tolerate her for nothing.

I show her to the quarters part of the base. She comments loudly about everything she sees.

"Lower your voice. You're not supposed to be here" I told her. I try not to be too cold. I don't want her to run away. Not when my dick craves her throat.

She nodded. Her eyes were full of lust. I guess she liked my dominant side. She's on for a fucking good night then. We approached my quarters. As we turned the corner, someone bump my shoulder. I cured under my breath. The man didn't stop as he rushed away. I know who it is.. I could recognize that man's back from everywhere.

"Leave" I said to the woman, my eyes lingering to where the man had disappeared.

"What? Why? Come on, let's have some fun babe" She replied with a sultry voice. She grabbed on my arm and pressed her breasts on it, trying to reach my neck.

I pushed her away. She fell down on the floor. I didn't attempt to help. I just looked down at her. She looked up at me with wide eyes. They started to wet as she stood up.

"Leave"

I repeated before she could even get a breath in. This time, my tone was cold and menacing, leaving no debate. She seemed like she wanted to argue, until our eyes met. She let out a shaky breath. Fear. She turned on her heels and walked away. Now that I think about it, her body wasn't even hot. Lust really alters your vision. I let out a sigh. Let's go pick up the broken pieces now.

As I reached the corridor where my room was, I could see a silhouette sitting against my door. He was hugging his knees against his chest. His shoulders were moving in rhythm with his sobs. I could hear his cries from the end of the hallway. Something tugged at my heart. Every time I hear him cry, my heart aches. It's annoying to have a friend. I slowly approached and crouched down next to him.

"Johnny" I called, my voice calm. "Come on"

I helped him up. His head was hanging low, tears flooding his cheeks and dropping on the ground. I opened my room and let him enter it. He went straight to sit on the bed. I took a deep breath before closing the door behind me. What did that fucker do now. I sat down next to John like a dozen times before when the asshole he calls his boyfriend broke his heart. I can't bring myself to pat his back. Touch is touch. I hate it. Everything I touch break. John buried his face in his hands, his sobs and cries filling my room. I fucking hate seeing him like this. It had never been this bad. I should have destroyed the fucker the moment he bumped my shoulder.

"What did he do" I ask as gently as I could trying to mask my anger growing. John sniffled, trying to compose himself enough to respond.

"He…He broke up with me…" John started, trying to catch his breath between sobs.

That's it? You're like this because he broke up with you? The fuck? He broke up with you so many fucking times. You always go back to him. Why are you like this? Why do you cry for him?

My head was about to explode. I wanted to shout at John, to shake him out of his fucking infatuation with this asshole. This is not love. But for some reason, no words come out of my mouth. I remained silent, watching him cry. His wet and reddened eyes locked into mine for a brief moment. A surge of hatred enveloped me. Why?

"He broke up with me because I didn't want to have sex" John spoke, stopping me in my thoughts. I frowned at him. He must have seen through my mask because he continued "He tried to force himself on me… And when I refused, he said that I was only good for sex. If I can't grant him that then I am no use for him. That it was my duty as his boyfriend He said that I deserved to be raped because-"

I put my hand up to shut him up. I was breathing heavily, my eyes wide. Did I hear him right? This is the first time the bastard went that far. I'll kill him. Tomorrow he'll breathe his last seconds. I am going to watch him beg for his life. I'll make him cry. I'll make him regret ever hurting you. Don't worry. I'm a good friend. I'll kill him. John sudden laughter pulled me out of my thoughts. I glanced at him in confusion. He was still crying but laughing as well. I tilted my head to the side.

"You're shit at comforting people" John said with a soft and weak chuckle.

He wiped the tears off his eyes. He's right. I'm not good at comforting people. I actually never wanted to before meeting John. I want to be by his side, to comfort him when he's sad or hurt. You're my only friend. I took a deep breath. I shifted my body on the bed, resting my back against the wall. I pushed my leg to the side and spread my arms, allowing full access to my chest. I looked at John. His eyes were wide with a mix of shock and surprise. He didn't move. Annoyance tugged at me. I gestured my hands for him to come, I hate touch, but for you I'll make an exception.

After, a few moments of hesitation and a groan from me, John finally decided to come. He shifted to go on all fours and crawled to my chest. Something tingled in my stomach. He gently laid down on my chest, his head buried in my neck. His tears were wetting my shirt. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him, holding him tight. He shivered in my embrace. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. When did I stop breathing? I felt his harsh breathing against my skin. Another tingle. I don't know what it means. But I feel calm. Wait, aren't I supposed to hate touch? Why does it feel so nice?

John kept sobbing in my arms. His cries echoing in my head. Again a feeling I couldn't describe enveloped me. Is that what it means to have a friend? I can't bear hearing him cry. Without realizing it, my hand grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at me.

"Johnny…"

I started without hearing my voice… But the rest of the words wouldn't come out. What was I even going to say? Something changed in John's eyes as we locked them but I didn't recognize it. His wet lashes batting away his tears. My breath caught in my throat. What is going on? His body tensed up as he pulled away from my embrace, sniffling.

"I should go. I'm sorry I ruined your night."

He said with a soft humorless chuckle. No, John. What? Did I do something wrong? Isn't hugging comforting? Am I wrong? Just say something! I remained silent watching him wiping the rest of his tears. He got up from the bed and shook his arms, trying to compose himself. I felt helpless, despair. Feelings I'm too used to.

Wait. John, what's wrong? John, don't go yet. I need to learn how to be a better friend. Please. Stay. He smiled at me, a genuine one. He thanked me and walked toward my door. John Stop. Talk to me. What did I do? Don't go back to him. He only makes you hurt, he only gives you pain. Stay. Please Johnny…

Fuck Simon! Just talk. Open your mouth God damn it!

But it's no use. I can only watch him walk away. My body flinched as the door closed behind him. I took off my mask. I didn't realize how much it became difficult to breath. I cursed at myself, sending my mask flying against the wall. What the fuck was that? I was finally becoming the friend Johnny deserved and I screwed up. Was I a good friend though? I don't know.

I let out a long and deep sigh as I sunk into my bed. I need to fix this. I will fix this. I can't lose my only friend..