AN: This chapter is pretty heavy. I had to rewrite it a few times to get it to a point I was happy with, and I hope it's a satisfactory exploration of the subject matter. Reader discretion is highly advised.
Aspects of this chapter, as with Chapter 1, were inspired by Envenomation by The Black Mage of Phantasm. It's such a good story, and probably my favourite depiction of Sucy in a story that I've seen.
I really wanted to write another Sucy-focused chapter, since while Chapter 1 delved into the guilt she felt about the events at Arcturus, I still felt like there was more about her that I wanted to explore.

Content warning: Depictions of depression, dark thoughts, self-harm, and a breakdown. Additional mention of death.

Sucy slouched her way over to her final lecture, one hand clutching her favourite mushroom-flavoured energy drink, the other holding a crumpled piece of paper in regards to an assignment she'd failed.

It was a terrible day. She just wanted to crawl back into bed and try again tomorrow. Maybe she'd even talk to Akko and Lotte about it, if she was feeling brave.

For now, though, she just had to tough it out. Just another hour or so of this, and then she could go home.

She ignored the usual whispers and stares from other witches she passed in the halls as she trudged to the lecture hall.

It was a little early, but it didn't matter. She could just sit in the room and zone out for a while.

"Well, if it isn't Creepy Sucy!"

Or not. Sucy stopped walking and lazily turned to find Hannah right behind her.

"I thought I smelled something foul. Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

Sucy rolled her eyes. "Where's your friend?"

"That's none of your business, creep!" Hannah snapped. "I could say the same to you, anyway. Did Akko and Lotte finally ditch you like the disgusting trash you are?"

Wordlessly, Sucy turned back around and continued onward to class. However, Hannah grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Don't touch me!" Sucy hissed, jerking her arm back. Hannah just cackled.

"Aww, I'm sorry. Wanna shake hands? Maybe a hug?"

She glimpsed the energy drink in Sucy's hand, which she was clutching tightly.

"That can kill, y'know. Maybe I should get you another can! We'd certainly be better off."

"What the hell do you want from me, Hannah?"

Hannah gasped in an exaggerated manner. "Oh, such crude language! No wonder Diana hates your guts."

"Wrong witch. I thought it was you she hated."

"Now you listen here, mushroom queen," Hannah growled, stepping closer. "Diana and I are on great terms. Keep your grody nose out of our business."

Sucy just stared at her, her expression blank but her eyes incredulous.

"I'm done with you," Hannah said. "Go weird out your roommates like you weird out the rest of us."

She stood and continued staring at Sucy as she turned to finally head to class.

"God, your parents would be disappointed," Hannah muttered under her breath.

SLAM!

Before either of them knew it, Sucy had Hannah pinned against the wall, fists on her collar, breathing heavily. Her fallen drink formed a puddle on the floor next to them, but she didn't care.

Sucy shook all over, seeing nothing but red. As far as she was concerned, she was throttling a monster in the Arcturus Forest. She cracked her neck several times, suppressing further violent thoughts.

"Y-You're insane! G-Get your filthy hands off me!" Hannah choked out. In a flash, Sucy returned to reality.

Everyone in the hallway was staring at her. The air filled with judgemental murmurs and quiet laughter. The gazes of a thousand cold knives pierced Sucy all over and a flush of realisation ran through her.

She dropped Hannah to the ground and all but ran in the opposite direction of her lecture hall, hands covering her face, all eyes still on her.

– x –

Sucy fumbled with her keys, hastily unlocked the door, and stumbled into the dorm.

"Sucy?"

Akko and Lotte stared at her, full of concern. They knew she was supposed to have a class right now, so what was she doing here so soon? Without acknowledging either of them, Sucy made a beeline for the bathroom and locked herself in.

"Sucy, what's wrong?" Akko called out, to no response. She and Lotte exchanged nervous glances as the air grew incredibly tense.

In the bathroom, Sucy stared at herself in the mirror, gripping the edges of the sink so hard that it threatened to leave marks in her palms. It was a familiar experience, but she wasn't crying this time.

Still shaking with pure rage, she attempted to calm herself down by closing her eyes and breathing deeply.

Mushrooms. Think about mushrooms.

Where could she find some? There's a perfect place just outside of campus, in a grassy field. Fairy rings show up there all the time.

Fairy rings… mushrooms… creep.

Hannah's words cut through her calming thoughts and bounced around in her head.

"Did Akko and Lotte finally ditch you like the disgusting trash you are?"

"Maybe I should get you another can! We'd certainly be better off."

"No wonder Diana hates your guts."

Hannah was full of shit. She didn't know anything. So why were her words cutting so deep?

"Go weird out your roommates like you weird out the rest of us."

She breathed heavily and shakily, trying to set her sights back on mushrooms.

"God, your parents would be disappointed."

Sucy gripped her face so incredibly tightly that her nails drew blood. Her head was throbbing, and it was taking all of her concentration to stop herself from breaking something.

Focus. Focus. Mushrooms. Poison. Things you can do with a cockatrice feather.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"H-Hello? Sucy?" Akko asked in a small voice.

"GO AWAY!"

Sucy found herself screaming at the closed door without even wanting to. Akko and Lotte just wanted to help. What the hell was she doing?! This wasn't any way to treat your closest friends, some of the only witches on campus who tolerate you. Yet, she just couldn't handle anyone getting close right now.

It was the final straw. Sucy collapsed onto the tile floor and began to sob quietly.

– x –

Sucy found herself in her bed the next morning, still in yesterday's clothes. Her face stung like crazy, and she had a pounding headache.

Didn't she pass out in the bathroom last night? Why was she in bed?

Looking at the clock, it was already almost noon. Good thing she didn't have anything on today, since she was in absolutely no state to leave the room.

Hearing that Sucy was finally stirring, Lotte and Akko slowly opened the bedroom door and peeked in.

"Good morning!" Akko chirped.

Sucy was in too much pain to formulate a coherent reply, but she tried anyway.

"W-Why… am I in bed?"

"We used a spell to unlock the bathroom and brought you here," Lotte replied, her face full of genuine concern. "We also found cuts all over your face, so we put disinfectant on them."

"Sucy…" Akko said slowly. "Wangari came by last night and told us what happened."

"Wangari… so the whole campus knows now." Sucy rubbed her eyes and groaned in frustration.

"N-No, that's not true!" Akko stammered. "She wouldn't publish something like that, for privacy reasons."

Lotte handed Sucy a glass of water, and Sucy gladly downed the whole thing. It made her feel marginally better.

"You guys… thank you. I'm so sorry about last night."

"We're so worried about you, Sucy…" Lotte uttered pensively. "There was last night, then there was that other night when we talked about the Arcturus incident… this isn't like you."

Sucy sighed deeply. She had been a lot more emotionally volatile lately, and she wasn't really sure why. All she could do was shrug at them.

"Remember that we're always here for you, Sucy. We'll stick it out with you."

Lotte and Akko smiled warmly at her, and Sucy couldn't help but smile back.

Maybe things were okay after all.

"I mean, you are a little creepy, y'know? Gotta be prepared for people to notice," Akko observed.

Sucy's smile immediately faded, and she looked furious.

"H-Hey, I'm just lightening the mood!" Akko stammered. "Diana did tell me that it was a little hard to get to know you at first, but-"

Sucy's shoulders became tense as she cracked her neck again.

"You guys are good now! She likes you now!" Akko said frantically. Lotte glared at her.

"Do you think I'm a freak too, Lotte?" Sucy said slowly, her teeth gritted.

"N-No, well… n-not a freak, but… I thought you owned it!" Lotte exclaimed, beginning to sweat nervously. Sucy just chuckled softly.

"I can't believe I almost trusted you two."

She rolled over and faced away from them, shutting her eyes. Despite Lotte and Akko trying to apologise, Sucy wasn't responding anymore.

"What's wrong with you, Akko?!" Lotte groaned. "You haven't learned anything!"

"I was just joking! She dishes it out all the time, but she can't take it?!"

They left the bedroom and hesitantly shut the door on Sucy again, their argument a faint hum in Sucy's ears.

– x –

A few days passed.

Aside from occasionally eating a snack or using the bathroom, Sucy had remained in bed, either sleeping or reading a random book about mushrooms from her shelf.

She wasn't quite sure how she was feeling. Was she annoyed with her friends? A little bit. Was she annoyed with Hannah? Yes, absolutely livid. But that wasn't enough to force her into hiding.

So why couldn't she face the world?

She let a vulnerable side of her show. Not just to Akko and Lotte, but to a decent portion of the students on campus. Word probably spread, and now everyone probably thinks she's insane, on top of already being established as creepy.

Maybe it wasn't worth even being here. Did anyone actually like her or want her around?

If she dropped out, who would notice or care? Maybe Akko and Lotte were better off without her, after all.

They came into the bedroom every night to get ready for bed, and they tried to make conversation with Sucy, but she just couldn't respond. She either didn't want to or physically couldn't. It was hard to tell.

Of course Akko and Lotte were apologetic and really wanted to make amends. Of course they cared about her and were always there for her. Of course Akko was joking, she doesn't say things like that with malicious intent.

Still, she hit where it hurt, and Sucy struggled to see her side of things.

She had to get out of that dorm.

It was a little after midnight, and Akko and Lotte were fast asleep. Perfect timing.

Sucy quietly threw a coat on over her pyjamas and put a pair of boots on before slipping out of the dorm for a night walk.

– x –

"Sucy? Sucy!"

Akko's cries woke Lotte up, and once she came to, she stood up to investigate.

"Akko, it's okay! Her coat and boots are missing, so she probably just went for a walk."

Akko sat on her bed and sighed deeply.

"I miss her, Lotte. I miss our friend."

Lotte joined her on the bed and put an arm on her shoulder.

"I do, too. She just needs some more time."

"Last night…" Akko mused, "I had a dream about her. The three of us were having fun brewing potions together, and nothing was wrong. Then I woke up, and…"

She sniffed, trying to face reality.

"I'm such an idiot, Lotte… I really am."

"Don't say that about yourself," Lotte interjected. "It's not your fault. Sucy has been unhappy for a long time, and things must just be really bad right now."

"But it's my stupid comment that pushed her over the edge again. I keep doing it. I can't help the dumb things I say in the moment."

Lotte thought back to the big argument they had not too long ago, about her own phobias and Akko's insensitivity.

"You're reactionary," she observed. "You'll say whatever's on your mind, then you're forced to deal with the consequences."

Tears dropped from Akko's eyes.

She felt so hopeless. It was so tough to change aspects about herself, especially at this age, but her current personality traits kept threatening to destroy her friendships.

Lotte started to panic a bit. "N-No, I didn't mean that in a bad way! Just-"

"No, you're right," Akko mumbled, sniffing. "I need to think before I speak. It was never a problem until recently, so it's gonna be tough."

She couldn't help but feel like she's had this realisation before. Regardless, Lotte gazed at her with a look of determination.

"You can do it, Akko! Sucy and I both believe in you!"

Akko blinked her misty eyes and adopted a similar expression. Her eyes were suddenly fiery. If she could learn to fly a broom, study teaching at a competent level, and even learn magic without having to rely on potions, then surely teaching herself to think before she spoke would be a trivial task.

"Lotte?"

"Y-Yeah?"

Akko smiled. "Let's go find Sucy! She needs our help!"

– x –

The morning sun continued its ascent over the university building.

Lying down in the middle of a fairy ring in the wooded area near the campus, Sucy watched the world go by as thoughts swirled around in her mind.

Dark thoughts.

If literally being surrounded by mushrooms wasn't enough to cheer her up, she had no idea what was.

Her mind went back to Akko and Lotte.

They weren't looking for her. Why would they? They were probably relieved that she was finally out of their hair.

What a weight off their shoulders. It's so exhausting being friends with someone so emotionally volatile. You have to walk on eggshells around them. But now that she was somewhere they wouldn't think to look, they could rest easy.

If her own parents didn't want her, why would anyone else?

Sucy's face still stung. The cuts were healing, but they were still tender, and the wind wasn't helping.

No matter. Not like she deserved comfort. Freaks like her thrived off of pain and suffering.

Poor Akko and Lotte. Their reputation certainly wasn't helped by their association with this creep.

She thought about that. 'Freak'. 'Creep'.

She was always rather open about the things she liked. It never used to bother her if people thought she was weird, that's where she found her solace. People came and went, but mushrooms and poison would always be there for her.

So why did she care so much about these labels?

There was a part of her she couldn't silence that really, truly cared about her image. She knew fully that people would steer clear of her because of her interests and her demeanour, but that still didn't stop her from feeling so disgusting sometimes.

What a conflict.

Sucy rolled her head slightly to glance at the fairy ring all around her.

Wouldn't it be so easy to keep lying down here? To just close her eyes and let nature run its course?

There's something she could be useful for - food for the mushrooms. They didn't discriminate.

Hold on. That's a bit extreme.

But it would be easier than trying to sort things out.

A suitable end for the mushroom-obsessed freak.

Sucy's eye widened. That's enough of that. She didn't actually want to die.

Dropping out and running away was a much better option. Maybe she could go to some foreign country and research new kinds of mushrooms. Maybe live in a cabin in the woods and grow up to become a cool old hag like Lukić.

She wasn't actually going to do it, but having the option was oddly comforting.

But what was she going to do? She'd missed a few days of classes, so she was probably in trouble already.

It really did suck that she couldn't talk about her feelings to anyone. She had friends who would listen, but making herself vulnerable was just so painful.

She felt ungrateful. How selfish of her to complain. Maybe stewing in her own thoughts instead of just talking to somebody was what she deserved.

Her thoughts were cut off by a sound. Footsteps in the grass?

"Sucy! Oh, my God!"

Akko's voice pierced the silence of the wooded area. It was a sound Sucy was oddly pleased to hear.

Seeing Sucy lying down and assuming the worst, Akko and Lotte broke into a sprint to reach her. They entered Sucy's line of sight, standing over her and looking very relieved to see that her eye was open.

"Do you mind if we sit with you?" Lotte asked confidently. In response, Sucy gestured to the grass next to her, and Akko and Lotte dropped down to meet her level.

The three of them sat in silence for a while, wondering who should talk first, if at all. The rustling of the leaves in the wind was all they really needed to hear for some time, anyway.

"How are you, Sucy?"

Lotte broke the silence with a tender voice.

"Fine, I guess." Sucy hadn't actually really spoken in a few days, and these words tore at her throat a bit. She still didn't want to go into specifics about how she felt, but she was just happy that her friends showed up.

"Sucy… I'm really sorry," Akko said. "I promise I'll try to think before I speak in the future."

"I'll try not to hold it against you."

Akko looked over at Sucy's face, and was pleased to see that she was smiling.

"Besides, I've been terrible to you two. Ignoring you for days and then running off wasn't very mature of me. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Sucy, that's okay…" Lotte said sweetly. "We know you're going through a rough spot. You aren't thinking straight. You don't owe us an explanation, we just want you to be okay."

"Don't forget what we said the other day," Akko added. "We're always here for you. We'll stick it out with you. Besides, you're-"

Besides, you're smarter than listening to Hannah! Why would you let HER of all people get to you?

Uh-oh. Akko said something stupid again.

Wait. No, she didn't.

Did she just… think before saying something?

Akko grinned to herself.

"What did you say, Akko?" Lotte asked.

"N-Nothing!"

The three of them sat for a while longer. Sucy's depression obviously wasn't cured, but she was certainly feeling much better than she was earlier. She found that the dark thoughts had left her, at least for the time being.

Maybe she'd take them up on their offer and accept the help they were offering sometime. Just maybe.