Hey hey, people. Issex here.
My violent, obsessive muscle mommy finally let me out of the dungeon constructed in her basement and allowed me to integrate with the elements of society again. Be rest assured that I'll be suing her for multiple human rights violations as well as slander. I don't like being used, regardless of how emotionally vulnerable or financially un-buoyant I happened to be at the time. However, I will be visiting her before filing a lawsuit to…'talk' things out with her before our interaction is limited to conjugal visits.
I also tried my hand at No Man's Sky and although the game is extremely immersive and I spent entire hours of my life amassing wealth and resources , I am forever dissatisfied by the fact that I can never fully realize my dream of being the Somali space pirate I was born to be by hijacking ships, kidnapping the pilots for ransom and selling organs on the black market.
Instead, I compensate myself by hoarding illegal goods like a Colombian drug lord, destroying the sentinels sent after me for refusing to submit said illegal goods, buying and scrapping every ship worth less than 10 million in order to improve my own and going out of my way to destroy and rob every Korvax trade ship and Freighter I can find. Why the Korvax? Because fuck them, that's why.
But I'm not here to discuss my endeavors because today, I'm going to be using my body or to be specific, my fingers or to be even more specific, my thumbs to persuade you to engage in a discussion with me on the topic of communication with strangers on the internet and how it can impact your fledgling career as a fanfiction writer.
Have you ever physically felt your brain void itself of whatever knowledge it once contained as you stared at the blinking cursor on your screen and your fingers/thumbs hovered over the keys of your keyboard? Have you by any chance created an entire universe and maybe even a series of intertwined events, all occurring in a perfectly chronological order only to realize that you have to convert them to words before people who aren't figments of your imagination can see them too? Maybe the very thought of writing at all makes you feel weary and your only salvation comes in the form of engaging in less productive acts?
Or have you ever written to a certain point only to reach a creative bottleneck? Perhaps you have figured out when to make your character's balls itch but can't for the life of yourself decide why his balls would itch? Have you considered the possibility of brainstorming such a conundrum with a fellow man and allowing him to become a large, warm guiding hand over yours as you type out the very words that have lingered on the very edge of your mind?
If you have any of the above problems, the solutions come in five words and fourteen syllables. Three of those words and eight of those syllables go hand in hand while the remaining two words and six syllables also go hand in hand but refuse to touch the other three words, eight syllables because even if the world has moved past it, COVID-19 is still very real and social distancing is never a bad idea. I practice it everyday by religiously observing a linear routine of going to work and returning home without taking any stops or detours while avoiding social interaction with every human.
You can never be too safe, people. You never know which person you shake hands with that might be a carrier of an unknown virus or prion that could trigger a zombie apocalypse and you would end up being patient zero as well as the first symptomatic carrier. Why? Because you were social.
Anyway, the first is The Goat Server, a discord server. This was created by Satan himself or as most of us know him, AizenTheGoat. Much like hell, it's frequently active and jam packed with people from all walks of life like a Brit who gaslights himself into believing he's actually jamaican, a thirteen year old who can't tell if he actually lives in Tennessee, an European gym bro who's declared his archenemy to be a moose and a Nigerian prince who never sends emails.
If you're looking for help with a story you have in the works, need motivation to continue or start one, want ideas for a story or simply desire a co-author or beta reader, don't be shy to join. Much like hell, the road to the server is wide and smooth and gates are never closed so hop right in and as soon as you manage to find your footing, you'll never want to leave!
The code to AizenTheGoat's server is: DjgUHCqGG
…
And the second is M.A.D.B's overseers. Unlike AizenTheGoat's server or its biblical name, hell, it's still in the process of growth. We are few and we aspire to grow in numbers and for that, WE WANT YOU…to join. If you also have any issues concerning writing, I and the other writers will be sure to lend you whatever assistance we can.
Or if you simply want to talk with mellow fellows on the internet without having to worry about a phishing software disguised as a link to a pornographic server being sent to you in your DM by one of the members, you will also be entering the right place. I sincerely hope you'll take a minute or two of your time, depending on your internet speed, to join.
The code to the Overseer server is: 3j3QJSBtN
And with that said, let's get into the story.
"Have you ever considered what it'd be like to meet an alternate version of yourself?" Diana asked Naruto.
The blond hummed. "To be honest, not really. I mean, worst case scenario, we end up fighting because he's the exact opposite of me."
"Or she," Kara pointed out. "I haven't met a male version of me, but there's got to be one out there, right?"
"Probably." Barry shrugged. "I've never seen one either. Weirdly enough, I've never even seen a universe where you have kids."
Kara raised a brow. "And that's weird because?"
"Because everyone here has had kids somewhere else." Barry stressed. "And I mean all of us, even Diana."
"Excuse me?" Diana blinked. "With who?"
"Beats me," Barry shrugged. "Nice kid though."
"Was it a boy or a girl?"
"If it makes you feel better, you didn't look to be raising him on your island."
"I see." Diana nodded. "Wait, why would having a boy make me feel bad?"
Everyone looked at her oddly for her question. After everything she'd said about Themiscryia, they'd figured she wouldn't want an offspring with a penis.
"Well…" Naruto started. "There aren't any guys on your island, we figured maybe they killed them or something."
Diana stayed quiet. Now that she thought of it, what did they do with boys? Now that she'd come to realize there was a likelihood that not all her sisters were made of clay, that meant at least one of them had to have birthed a boy. In that case, what would happen to them?
"I think you should just be happy you had a boy." Oliver yawned. "I used to want a daughter once but now? Not so much."
"And why's that?" Diana narrowed her eyes at the archer.
It was Hal who answered. "She could have an OnlyFans in the future. I don't even want to know what it's like to have a daughter on it."
Even Dinah had to shudder. "Yeah, that doesn't sound good."
"No shit," Oliver snorted. "A friend of the family sent me a leaked video some random stranger sent him on Facebook of his daughter getting teamed up on after recognizing her. Dude, you could bake a cake with the white stuff they put in her."
"Jesus," Barry whispered.
"And that's not even counting if she goes to college." Hal shook his head. "Imagine living with the knowledge that there's a chance that at that moment, someone out there's drilling your daughter like he's searching for oil in her."
"That's a very strange thought," Dinah frowned. "Why would you even be thinking of that?"
"I was a frat boy back in college, Dinah. I know what I saw," Hal said. He knew what he did too.
"What's an OnlyFans?" Naruto asked Kara.
The Kryptonian shrugged. "Kind of like a place to post videos and stuff and get money. Most just use it to post porn of themselves."
"Your world seems a more appealing place with every chapter," Not even Tsunade's elbow stopped Kakashi from giggling. Written porn, drawn porn and now, actual live porn? It was a dream!
"You're not on that, are you?" Naruto asked worriedly.
"Nah, not worth it," Kara waved him off. "But then again, people would pay big bucks to see Supergirl nu-"
"No!" Clark shrieked.
"You know, it's like you're allergic to seeing me make money."
"There's other ways to make money than whoring yourself out," Naruto said.
"Coming from the guy who has his two pimps sitting behind him," Oliver snickered. Naruto flipped him the bird. He'd get back at the archer for that, he just didn't know when.
"I agree," Diana nodded. "You shouldn't even be considering becoming a…camgirl. It's bad enough that your true love is a horse-"
"Hey, fuck you!" Kara glared at her. "It's not even me!"
"Kara's Kara." Dinah shrugged. "If your other self thought it'd be a good idea, what's to say you don't feel the same?"
"I don't know, maybe because spaghetti westerns don't feel like pornos to me?"
"Hey lay off her, babe. She's not into animals," Oliver stopped Dinah before she could reply. "We all know she's actually a lesbian here."
"If this becomes a running joke, I'll start lobotomising people." Kara grumbled. "Can we start reading now? Who's next?"
As if on cue, the book flew over to Clark before settling on his hand. The Kryptonian sighed. "Figures it'd be me next."
"Yeah, they probably just don't want you complaining about every vuglar thing you hear since you'll be too busy reading," Oliver said. "No offense, Clark, but hearing you bitch everytime someone says fuck gets old fast."
"Yeah, he's kind of right," Barry nodded with the others agreeing. The man complained all the time, especially when it concerned Kara. It had gotten to the point where even Batman had left his side.
Clark huffed, but didn't respond. As everyone settled down, he opened the book and the screen came down as he began to read.
Chapter 14 - Crisis (II)
"I've told you about Themyscira. What about you? Where do you come from?" Wonder Woman asked curiously.
"A galaxy far, far away." Kara stretched out a hand for emphasis.
"For once, that was actually good." Oliver commended.
"Like I said, hit or miss." Barry shrugged.
"They're all hits, no misses," Kara said. "You just don't appreciate good humour."
After talking to Naruto about the worries and frustration weighing on her, she became noticeably calmer and more relaxed. With fewer things clouding her mind, she was free now to think about other things as well and that moment looked like the perfect opportunity to find out more about him. Any information she could get in regards to him might prove to be very useful for the Justice League later on.
"Wow, Diana. I offered you a listening ear and here you are trying to squeeze information out of me?" Naruto grinned teasingly at Diana who met his gaze.
"In the spirit of fairness, it somewhat doubles as a bonding session," she replied. "I told you about myself and you'll be doing the same."
"Except you'll be using what I tell you to make a dossier."
"And you only listened to me because you were bored," Diana pointed out.
"... that's fair."
"My homeworld revolved around the use of chakra. To put it simply, controlling the elements of nature with magic. Because of that, we called it the Elemental Nations. As for where it is, I don't know. An enemy of mine, because she could not defeat me, pushed me into a dimensional portal. It's been almost 98 years since then; all this time I've been searching for a way back home but to no avail. I have given up on it...even if I did find a way back home right now, of what use would it be anymore? By now, everyone I've ever known would be dead."
"That still sucks," Naruto remarked. "I'm forever glad Kaguya wasn't that sore a loser in my world."
"She probably just didn't have the chance that she did there," Kakashi said. "I'm sure if the opportunity to disrupt our plans by spatially displacing you permanently had…okay, maybe she actually just didn't consider doing it."
"Probably." Naruto agreed.
Kara raised a brow. "Probably?"
"She sent us to many dimensions, Kara." Kakashi said. "Ice dimension, acid dimension, lava dimension, desert dimension, a pyramid dimension with gravity so powerful, I could barely stand and many more. Thing is, she sent us. I think she only bothered splitting us up once and even then, that was only Sasuke she isolated if I remember well."
"Yeah," Naruto nodded. "I've said it before. She didn't even have to be a good fighter, if she'd been a critical thinker at least, the fight would have ended very quickly."
"I know you guys might think we have all the terrifying villains, but I'm personally glad we don't have one who can shove us to some random deathworld whenever she feels like." Dinah shook her head.
"There's Warp," Clark said.
Dinah gave him a flat look. "Warp? Really?"
Clark flushed lightly. "He makes portals, doesn't he?"
"Worst we've seen him do is make a portal to the future," Barry said. " I travel to the past, future and alternate past and futures and still come back in time for lunch."
"But he can teleport anywhere on Earth."
"Cyborg can do that too," Batman said. "Teleportation isn't a staple among superhumans, but it's not uncommon either. There's people who can do it without needing to make a portal too."
"Yeah, face it, Clark. Guy's a D-lister on his best day." Barry shrugged.
"Pretty much. Even the brotherhood of evil sometimes forgets they have him." Hal nodded.
"That's…sad." Kara muttered.
What he said was very depressing but his expression was serene. He had come to terms with it. Almost a century of being obsessed with it was more than enough. Thanks to Kyuubi, he had finally let go of it half a year ago.
"It shows," Diana commented. "There's no longer that air of distress around you. You seem more…at peace with yourself now."
"Other me, Diana," Naruto smiled. "But thanks anyway. Hopefully, you can come to terms with your stuff too."
"I doubt she'll be doing it as quickly as you," Kurama, in one of his scarce moments of wakefulness, said. "You may have had nearly a century to realize and accept your situation but all the beliefs she's nurtured for millennia were shattered in one night. That isn't something a person simply…accepts."
Naruto blinked. ' Kurama? How long have you been awake?'
The tailed beast snorted. "Long enough. I won't come out though. Nothing so far has interested me. Not enough killing, I'm afraid."
Naruto sighed. Old habits didn't die hard with the fox, they were as immortal as him. 'Do you think there's a way to help her?'
He didn't have to see Kurama to know he shrugged. "You can try, but in the end, it's something only she can accept for herself. She seems to be doing a good job of it too. If I couldn't feel the conflict stirring within her, I'd have said she's already moved on."
So she was great at bottling her feelings up. Good to know.
"So your people don't live as long as you do?"
"Most people back in my homeworld were regular humans, just like the ones on Earth. I was not much different when I was born either. It's through years and years of bitter training that regular people could become superhuman back on my planet - we called ourselves shinobi. But shinobi didn't live long lives. Our world was ridden with wars: 4 world wars took place in less than 8 decades. Heck, just in 4 years, my nation was invaded two times and even razed to the ground. Most shinobi didn't pass the age of 60. There was too much war, too much killing. Even so, it was my home."
"I don't get it, you guys somehow manage to train yourselves till you become superhumans?" Oliver blinked.
"Yes," Tsunade nodded. "That's why we begin training from childhood. It's easier to condition a prepubescent child than an adult or a teenager."
Batman frowned. He'd been training since he was a child, but while he could confidently say he was the zenith of human capabilities, he was still a long way from matching the ninjas in terms of physical ability alone.
"But how?" Barry asked. "We've got an entire assassin organization that does the same thing you do, but they're still as normal as it gets. What makes you guys different?"
"If we told you what we did, it wouldn't be a secret anymore," the former kage wagged a finger with a smirk.
"Not to mention with the mortality rate that comes with the job, we'd run out of manpower if we waited for everyone to turn sixteen or seventeen before training them." Kakashi said.
"...and Naruto was really trying hard to go back?" Diana couldn't believe it.
"There's no place like home," the ninjas nodded.
"I can't believe you people actually like your world." Barry said.
"Well, we wish things would be better but it's a nice place, even nicer now that things are getting better." Kakashi said. "Every part of the continent has different biomes and each one is beautiful to see provided you can deal with people trying to rob you, kidnap you, kill you or do all of the above and you can convince every village that you're not a spy from the enemy and you're just a sightseeing traveler."
"A tourist trip to die for, huh?" Oliver snickered.
"Indeed." Kakashi smiled wistfully. "I remember yugakure and the natural hot springs, they're so comfortable…I even strangled a man in one. It was the most relaxing assassination I ever carried out."
"Oh God," Clark's face met the book.
"He's kind of right though," Naruto said. "Save for the occasional rotted corpse here and the pile of windswept human ash there, you'd come to enjoy running around in forests, especially in Fire Country. Tree hopping's fun if you don't look down everytime you crush something under your feet."
"Lightning Country's a good place for rock climbing," Tsunade smirked. "However, kidnapping is rather rampant and you might go to bed in an inn and wake up in a dungeon."
"Wind Country's good too." Gaara piped in. "You simply have to have a good eye so as to be sure the small pile of sand beside you isn't actually a rogue ninja looking to disembowel you and convert your exsanguinated, mummified corpse into a puppet."
"We get it. Different place, different danger." Clark rubbed his forehead. "Your place sounds like a nightmare."
"Ehh, I'd say it just…persuades you to live on the edge." Kara said.
Wonder Woman could not mask her surprise.
"You were an ordinary human too? You mean that everyone can achieve that kind of strength just through training?!"
Kyuubi stopped eating at that moment and snorted.
"In your dreams!" Naruto laughed. The other ninjas didn't have as strong a reaction, but the muffled snorts showed that they shared his mirth.
"Hey." Diana nudged him.
"Really?" Oliver said, offended. "You really think we can't be like you guys if we trained hard enough?"
"You don't have the genes for it, I'm afraid." Kakashi chuckled. "Physical conditioning and intensive training plays a major part in it, sure, but we've been in consistent war for centuries before the ninja system was established. Combatants had children and those children had children."
"So basically, the fighting genes got passed down and got better and better?" Clark theorized. "Meaning if you had a child, it would end up stronger than you?"
"Perhaps." The silver haired man nodded. "The children don't always surpass the parents, but the potential is there. The warring clans era was the golden age as far as ninjas are concerned and the training methods have become greatly lenient since then but if we had kept it up, I'm certain the average genin would probably be able to defeat a fully grown fighter back then."
"Of course, I could be wrong," he shrugged. "Everyone from that era is dead so we can't tell."
"Guess genes really do matter," Kara remarked.
"They always have." Barry said. "Genetics are the difference between Ronnie Coleman's and Arnold Schwarzenegger's bodies."
"But you guys want to know one thing you all missed?" Dinah brought all attention to herself. "Diana was asking about him specifically."
"Oh." Naruto scratched his cheek. "Well…I'll be honest, even in my world, there's only a handful of people who ever became as strong as I am."
"Meaning the average person doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell?" Oliver asked. "That's hardly fair."
Naruto smiled sheepishly. It wasn't his fault there were other circumstances behind his admittedly rapid growth.
"Hng, as if! He forgot to say that he is the reincarnation of the son of a god and that I was his source of power for over 40 years. No regular human could ever reach that level of power. Most shinobi were so weak that I could kill hundreds of them with just a swipe of my tails."
"Transmigrant." Naruto corrected. "It's a pretty common mistake."
"Forget that, you were bullshitting us," Oliver accused. "You were talking like it's all you but Kurama's actually been your battery."
"Fraud!" Hal cried.
"I-it's not my fault," Naruto glared at the Kryptonian. "More than half the people I had to fight were so far above me at the time, it wasn't even funny."
Kakashi had to agree with that. It was funny, really. The blond fought a chunin to become a genin. On his first mission outside the village, he encountered two C-ranked rogue ninjas alongside one of the seven swordsmen. In the chunin exams, he had to fight a tailed beast. It was like at every point in his life, the only significant enemies he had were his superiors.
He supposed it was a good thing, he didn't want to think of having to fight him as an average chunin or jonin.
Naruto scratched the back of his head and chuckled.
"He's right. That's also why I look like this," he admitted and gestured to his face. Hard work was a major reason why he became so powerful but he could not downplay the importance of his background as Ashura's reincarnation or Kyuubi's Jinchuuriki either.
"He acknowledges his fraudulent nature," Oliver said.
Naruto flipped her the bird with both his hands and a blink of an eye later, Oliver found himself staring at sixteen middle fingers.
"Neat," Kara sniggered.
"In all seriousness though, what's a transmigrant?" Barry asked.
"It's not something I can explain properly," Naruto squinted. "Think of reincarnation, but instead of the soul, it's the…life energy you get."
The speedster hummed. "I think I get it. But how are you so sure you're not his reincarnation?"
"Because the transmigrant before me was reanimated to fight during the war," Naruto said simply. "If it was reincarnation, that would have been impossible to do without killing me."
"Oh."
At that, her eyes were involuntarily drawn to the dark scars on his cheeks and the slit pupils and red irises of his eyes. She was not sure what the fox's words meant exactly but when she was about to ask another question, Martian Manhunter's voice rang in her mind.
"Wonder Woman, it's me, J'onn J'onzz. After we arrested Lex Luthor in Metropolis, a portal appeared and someone that looked just like me came out. It was me from another dimension, similar to ours. Now we're all crossing over to their dimension to help them with their crisis but Batman thought you ought to know that and stay vigilant."
"Martian Manhunter: cockblocking since 1899." Oliver did the impression of a 90s salesman as he spoke.
Diana's eyes widened. "Nothing was going to happen!"
"How do you know?" Dinah grinned. "You stare at a person's eyes so hard, you might end up kissing them."
Naruto cleared his throat. "I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have happened."
Diana nodded. "See? H-"
"I wouldn't be complaining if it did though."
The amazon sagged on her seat under the blond's grin.
"Wait, J'onn!"
She wanted to ask for more details but their mental connection was severed because Martian Manhunter and Batman stepped through the portal crossing into the other dimension. She stood up from the table and said,
"Thank you for listening to my problems. It was of great help for me to talk about it, it made me feel more at peace. But now something urgent has come up and I have to go."
Oliver snorted. "You sound like a guy trying to convince the girl to leave the morning after the one night stand."
"Your playboy escapades don't apply to regular life, Oliver," Dinah smacked him in the arm.
"Besides chances are I'm going with her," Naruto shrugged. "Wheelchair or not, I wouldn't feel right just staying in one place till I can walk again."
After saying that, she rushed out of the room.
Pushing the wheels with all his strength, Naruto's wheelchair became comically fast, fast enough to even catch up to the running princess from behind. A distracted look appeared on her face when she turned her head around and saw the speeding wheelchair hot on her trail and she found herself smiling in amusement. But that smile quickly turned into full-blown laughter when she saw a tiny fox also coming from behind running but with all kinds of meat and other food wrapped into his 9 tails.
"David Goggins would be proud," Batman smirked.
Hal blinked. "You know David Goggins?"
"Dick listens to him every morning. I have to admit, he's a good motivator, if a bit aggressive," Batman said.
"Yeah, that's pretty right," Kara nodded. "At first, I actually thought he was one of those redpill fanatics who talk about being 'alpha males' and stuff."
"You mean those guys who almost always turn out to be closet cuckolds?" Dinah grinned.
Kara's shoulders jumped. "It's funny because it's true!"
"I can imagine what he'd say about this one." Oliver cleared his throat. "One time I was on a jog at six in the morning and I saw this guy in a wheelchair and guess what? He was actually keeping up with me. I saw him sweating and rolling the wheels and shit. If the lack of legs doesn't keep a man from trying to keep fit, you have no excuse. Stay hard, bro."
Naruto and Diana looked at each other. What the hell was that?
Still giggling, she stopped and said:
"Why are you two following me? You can't be thinking of coming with me! Superman and the others won't let me live it down if I let you leave the Watchtower."
"I think it's embarrassing enough that you can't outrun a guy in a wheelchair" Naruto nudged the Amazon with a rib.
Diana's response came in the form of lifting herself in the air and out of his reach.
"Oh, that's really mature of you," Naruto rolled his eyes. "You know I can fly too, right?"
"Then fly," she replied smugly.
Inwardly, Naruto grimaced. As much as he liked to do it, he hated having to look like a beacon. It was fun, but it got hard on his eyes after a while.
"Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen? I'm in a wheelchair."
"It's not you that I'm worried about," she said.
But as Wonder Woman's eyes trailed to the nine-tailed fox that was running towards them as fast as his tiny limbs could take him, her resistance almost melted.
'Adorable.'
"Isn't he the sweetest?" Dinah cooed teasingly.
"Our lovable, angry ball of fur." Naruto coughed as a sharp pain in his gut sent the wind out of him.
"Worth it."
She was finding it difficult to imagine that a fox cub as cute and as harmless-looking as that could transform into a half a mile long behemoth and destroy a planet.
Finally catching up to them, Kyuubi swallowed the remaining food in his jaws and said,
"Stop worrying over nothing. Even if all of you were together, you'd have no way to stop me if I wanted to do something. We've been cooped up in this satellite for more than 3 weeks. I want to see the world below and get some fresh air."
"I'm pretty sure we can." Clark said.
"Not your alternate selves, probably," Naruto shrugged. "You guys were pretty awestruck when I went six paths mode."
"Because it's a sight. I mean, no number of supernovas you see keeps you from being able to appreciate one, you know?" Clark argued.
"I've personally never seen a star explode, so no." Naruto rubbed his chin. "But what if I could blow one up…"
Kakashi sighed.
"You know, I'm not going down to relax! It's Justice League business!" Wonder Woman retorted.
"I'll never get over how that name sounds," Tsunade shook her head. "What were you guys thinking?"
"I'm telling you,Super Friends would have been better." Barry glared at the other heroes.
"That's even worse," Tsunade said. "Why didn't you think of something like the Superpowered Vigilante Association?"
"SVA?" Oliver stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Ehh, it sounds too much like something you'd name a power ranger group."
Barry perked up.
"You've got to admit that abbreviated names always sound cooler though," Kara said. "H.I.V.E, F.B.I, C.I.A, N.A.S.A. You feel like a secret agent when you say it."
A few of the others murmured their agreement. Maybe they should have given the name more thought before choosing it.
"Well it's too late," Clark huffed. "We're the Justice League and it's staying that way."
"You could fight it out and then lose and still do our way. Or you might as well take the chance to strike a friendship with us. At least that's what I would do if I were you."
"Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way. The choice is yours." Hal said. Dinah sucked in her lips to muffle her laugh.
"He did see her," Kara giggled. "And she looks good."
"I feel like there's a less pleasant meaning to whatever it is you two are talking about," Naruto narrowed his eyes at Kara.
"Don't worry about it," she rubbed his shoulder. "Don't worry about it one bit."
"Okay I'm not comfortable with this," Naruto shrugged her hand off. Something about the voice the girl was trying to imitate put him on edge.
Naruto looked at the fox weirdly. When has Kyuubi ever taken the initiative to approach someone just to become friends with them? Naruto had been together with Kyuubi for over 100 years and he had never seen the fox offering his friendship to someone other than him while having no ulterior reasons.
Mildly amused, he decided to just go with the flow. Surprisingly enough, the stoic princess caved in under the fox persuasion very quickly. Just then, Naruto's red slit eyes happened to meet with Kyuubi's red slit ones too. Having lived together for so long, Naruto could discern every little bit of emotion in the fox's eyes and on his face. How could he have not noticed the shrewd look Kyuubi had thrown his way?
'What is your mind cooking up this time, Kurama?'
"Can you smell it?" Kara sniffed. "Can you smell what the rock is cooking?"
Diana raised an eyebrow. "Rock?"
"Kurama means mountain," Naruto explained.
"Oh."
"Yes, I can smell it." Clark said.
"... ain't no way." Barry pushed his goggles further up.
"You could smell what the rock was cooking?" Oliver asked disbelievingly. Did the man know what he was talking about?
Hal snorted. "That's nothing, I can see John Cena."
"I know Mr. Bean's first name." Batman said.
"He's too dangerous to be left alive!" Oliver shrieked and leapt at the vigilante.
Before he could reach the man, Dinah grabbed him by the foot. "Too much, Oliver."
But just like Naruto could read Kyuubi like a book, it went the other way around too.
When had Naruto ever talked to someone about his private life or his native homeworld? The answer was almost never. Until then, he had consciously gone out of his way to not become attached to other people and he avoided personal conversations too. He had only been obsessed with finding a way back home and doing business (his work as a mercenary) in order to support his space-travel expeditions. There had been no room for friends or other types of relationships in his life.
However, over the last few days, Naruto talked about his past with Doctor Fate and with Wonder Woman too. Seeing Naruto finally start opening up to people, even if just a tiny bit, made Kyuubi happy. And they were not just random people. With his Negative Emotion Sensing, Kyuubi could discern a person's true nature and he approved of both Doctor Fate and Wonder Woman's characters.
"Aww, she's melting his frozen heart," Dinah batted her eyes at the duo. "It's a classic love story."
Diana did her best to ignore the woman, but the growing redness of her face showed she wasn't completely unaffected. When she saw the grinning Naruto make a show of intertwining his fingers with hers, she closed her eyes and tuned out what he said to her.
Kakashi was right. There was nothing like comfort to bring out the troll in him.
Unknowingly, the fox had taken over the role of a father watching over his son. All he wanted now was for Naruto to be happy.
"I just want the best for you , son." Kurama's words made Naruto roll his eyes.
Fuck you.
"Now now, son, that's no way to talk to your father."
Ugh!
"And you're still holding hands with my daughter in-law. I'm so proud of you, son. I didn't realize your balls had dropped until now."
Shut the hell up.
"They grow up so fast," Kurama wiped a nonexistent tear. "Your mother would be proud of you if she were here , son."
⁂
When Naruto, Kyuubi and Wonder Woman arrived in Metropolis it was already night. But just as they got out of the Javelin, a distant boom resounded over the entire traffic of a city of millions.
"There is trouble!" Wonder Woman said "Please don't do anything to break the law and don't destroy those trackers. You promised."
"I'm a man of my word," Naruto shrugged.
"So you're going to stay still?" Diana asked hopefully.
"I promised not to break the law or destroy the tracker," Naruto wagged a finger in front of her. "I didn't say anything about staying put. You should be more specific next time."
Not waiting for an answer, she took flight urgently towards the place from where the booming noises were coming.
"Hey wanna see what's going on?" Naruto asked after the princess left.
Kyuubi narrowed his eyes at him.
"Don't give me that look. No way I'm letting you ride on me!" Kyuubi barked at him.
"You ride him?" Kara asked.
"Pause." Oliver snickered.
Naruto shook his head. "Only way he'll ever let me do that is if he has to or I'm injured and even then, it has to be like, on the verge of death slash can't stand on my own kind of injured."
"He'll let me though," Diana smirked.
"Better not push your luck with your blessing, Diana," Naruto warned. "Me liking you won't stop him from biting your nose off."
"Why not?! You have no issues with it when I'm giving you chakra in return, heh?"
"It's different when I'm the size of a mountain. You're no bigger than a fly then. But now? How do you want me to carry you? Idiot!"
"Just get as big as a horse or something," Naruto said with a smirk. He knew exactly what buttons to push to make the fox angry at him.
"I'm not your mount! I'll kick your ass, asshole!" Kyuubi shouted.
Naruto chuckled in amusement. The fox was over 1000 years old but he fell prey so often to such small provocations. His pride truly knew no bounds.
"Aye, aye, calm down," he said with a smile and then stood up from his wheelchair.
"Wait, wait, wait," Oliver stopped Clark before he could continue. "All this time, you could walk?!"
"Looks like it," Naruto replied. "The wheelchair was probably to keep him from straining himself."
Now standing on his feet, he stretched his stiff back and limbs until he heard a satisfying pop. He was still not at 100% but that did not mean he was a vegetable. He had used a wheelchair over the past few days mostly to lower the Justice League's guard against him rather than not doing any effort because of Doctor Fate's nagging.
"Or to keep up a pretense." Diana sighed.
"Ninja," Naruto shrugged.
"He's a stranger in a stranger's land, it makes sense that he'd want to look like a smaller threat than he is." Kakash nodded approvingly.
Clark fixed the man with a tired gaze. "I'm guessing you'll follow up with another anecdote about a murder you committed?"
"I knew they'd grow on you," Kakashi smiled. "Well, you're in luck because I have many stories to tell."
The Kryptonian shifted uncomfortably. "Just how many people have you killed?"
Kakashi hummed. "Honestly, I'd….I'd say a thousand at least."
Clark shuddered.
"Ha! As I thought, you were pretending!" Kyuubi shouted triumphantly.
"But I wasn't. I still feel a bit faint and dizzy when I stand. For example, I can't use wind chakra to fly right now...but I guess that some simple wall dashing is not too much for my current condition."
With that, he left the wheelchair by the Javelin and jumped high into the air, landing on top of the roof of a smaller building nearby. He made a slow clawing motion over his face with his hand and a white ANBU-style fox mask appeared. Just as he was getting ready to jump onto another rooftop, a small weight suddenly landed on his shoulder. It was none other than Kyuubi.
"Wow, Kurama," Naruto said loudly. "You can't carry your convalescing partner but you have no problem turning him to your mount. Just wow."
"Hush, son."
Oliver whistled. "Shit, but that mask trick is cool as fuck. You just wave your hand like a mime and woosh, mask."
"It's just an illusio-"
"Come on, really?" Naruto cut Kara off.
"So you don't wanna carry me around but when I carry you around it's fine, eh? Not this time, boi!" Naruto said and grabbed the fox cub by the scruff of his neck and threw him off the building.
"NARUTO!" Kyuubi screamed as he fell.
"Wahaha!" Naruto laughed out loud and jumped off without a care in the world.
"Not a hundred percent, huh?" Diana looked at Naruto dully.
"I've been dropping off greater heights since I was twelve, Diana. I could fall off that in my sleep and not even feel it," Naruto shrugged.
The amazon scoffed, but didn't say anything.
He was still in mid-air, half-way across the distance between the two buildings' rooftops when a furry red appendage wrapped around one of his ankles. His laughter abruptly died in his throat and this time it was his turn to yell,
"KURAMA!" he hollered as he fell to the ground, dragged down by the fox that had suddenly become as large as a horse - like Naruto had asked.
One man screaming and one fox laughing, the two of them crashed onto one of the cars parked below, completely flattening it and making alarms blare all around them from the surrounding cars. For a moment, they glared at each other but then they started barking with laughter.
"You destroyed a car!" Diana glared at the blond. "That's a crime! You broke your promise."
"No it's not," Naruto argued uncertainly. "Is it?"
"It is," Kara nodded.
"Well…I didn't know."
"Ignorance isn't an excuse in the eyes of the law," Batman said.
"Of course you'd say that," Oliver scoffed. "You once broke a guy's leg for jaywalking."
"He was an escaped inmate from Blackgate," Batman defended himself.
"And the time in Arkham City?" Dinah smirked. "Yeah, Dick told me about that too. He said you once asked a guy for answers and punched him out before he could tell you anything."
"Is that true?" Clark asked his friend.
"He was going to tell a lie. His heart rate spiked," Batman said.
"Maybe because he was fucking scared shitless of you?"
"No."
"You know, sometimes I worry what image you're creating for the rest of your guys, you know." Hal shook his head. "I don't even want to imagine Robin becoming like you."
"It could be worse," Batman said. "My butler kills."
⁂
While Kyuubi and Naruto were play-fighting and fooling around like man-children, the situation was completely different on the other side of Metropolis. An 8 feet tall humanoid monstrosity was destroying everything in its sight. The alien was gray-skinned, extremely muscular and vicious-looking bone spike protruded from his shoulders, arms and head.
"Looks like someone drank a bit too much milk growing up," Barry grimaced.
"He looks like Doomsday." Oliver chuckled.
Wonder Woman arrived in time to see the Justice League fight against him.
"They're different."
If their different costumes were not enough to tip her off, seeing a twin version of herself, her counterpart from the other dimension, was enough to convince her of that. But, as a trained warrior, she also took notice of how well they coordinated with each other as a team. It was not something that she and the other members of the Justice League were capable of.
Kara whistled. "Damn Diana, other you is fiiiii-"
"Don't, Kara." Clark sighed.
"I need to see them fight though," Kara rubbed her hands together. "Like full on catfight with clothes ripping and rolling around on the ground and rubbing sweat on each other and all that."
"Are you never aroused?" Naruto had to ask. "Like, I'm actually curious now. I want that too-"
"Naruto!" A flushed Diana cried, scandalized.
"-but come on, take it easy."
"Never."
Her first impulse was to join the fight and help them subdue the monster but she stopped herself from doing that. She could not exactly put her finger on what was wrong but Martian Manhunter's telepathic message and the fact that she could not see the Justice League of her dimension was making her wary.
'They don't look like they need my help anyway.' she thought.
"All I hear is an excuse to slack off," Naruto accused.
"I don't believe in helping people fight battles they can handle themselves," Diana folded her hands. "If they could go meet a bunch of alternate people without bothering to bring me along, it means they don't need me."
Batman sighed. He knew they'd be getting an earful from the Amazon about leaving her in the dark after this.
She decided to take on a wait and see approach. Not long after her arrival though, she noticed a masked man with a fox cub on his shoulder appearing on the rooftop, right next to her. Coincidentally, it was also at that moment that the gray-skinned alien started fighting back against the other dimension Justice League even more fiercely than before. He shattered a railway bridge, making the Wonder Woman of the other dimension rush to stop the train before it fell off to all the passengers' deaths, and then he almost knocked out Hawkgirl with an uppercut and blew up a car's gas tank into Martian Manhunter's face, almost taking him out too. With seemingly endless energy, he also jumped at the black and white costumed Superman and started to slam him against the ground and the walls of the nearby buildings like a ragdoll.
"Goddamn..." Oliver echoed the thoughts of everyone watching. They'd known they'd be seeing a fight, but seeing one person wreak so much havoc was as amazing as it was scary.
"Come on, Clark, what the hell are you doing?" Barry called. "I thought you were now fueled by the power hatred with the black suit."
"Hey, I don't see you doing anything," Clark shot back.
"20 bucks on the ugly guy," Kyuubi said, making Naruto chuckle.
"I bet on the edgy Superman. Kryptonians are tough nuts to crack and this guy isn't a pushover like the other Superman we know."
Seeing two identical Amazonian princesses and the rest of the Justice League wearing different costumes, it was not difficult for Naruto to deduce that they were not the Justice League he knew.
Wonder Woman frowned when she heard the two of them chit chatting and making light of the current situation but she did not comment on it because just then, the monster slammed the black and white costumed Superman so hard that it made a crater in the street below. However, despite the violent slam, Superman stood up with no apparent difficulty.
"How can a person be so durable?" Naruto lamented.
"Kryptonian," Kara flexed her muscles proudly. "The invulnerability isn't just a claim, you know."
"Now that I think of it, Clark…" Oliver looked at Clark. "Are you circumcised?"
"Fu-" the kryptonian caught himself in time. Instead of replying, he opened the book and continued reading.
He really needed new teammates.
"What do you want?" the other dimension Superman said.
The muscular and gray-skinned alien walked towards him slowly, his monstrous physique being seen even more clearly now under the lights coming from a helicopter flying above.
"Same as you I imagine." the alien's coarse voice rang. "Power. Control. But I had to see the best this planet had to offer. I am not impressed."
"You just haven't seen it all," Dinah smirked. "When Big Blue decides to stop Messi around, it's over for you."
"I don't mess around," Clark said. "I just keep myself from fighting so I don't make like Kakashi and take heads off everytime I throw a punch."
"Understandable." Naruto nodded empathetically.
"Remembering the lightning daimyo?" Kakashi asked.
"Don't remind me." Naruto grumbled. How the hell was he supposed to know he could pat a guy on the back hard enough to give him a heart attack?
At those words, Superman narrowed his eyes and lunged at him.
*boom*
A shockwave exploded from the impact of the gray-skinned alien's fist against Superman's face and it shattered all the glass and windows of the builds and cars 300 feet around them.
"Ooh!" Oliver wailed. "Fucking hell! Jesus Christ!"
"Took the words right out of my mouth." Tsunade's face twisted as she imagined being in the man's place.
"That's one hell of a punch there," Kara muttered.
"No shit," Naruto winced. "That would have probably turned my skull to mush."
Even Clark had to rub his face, feeling the phantom pain. He'd taken worse blows than that, but it had to hurt nonetheless.
"Dayum, that's some serious strength!" Naruto whistled, impressed.
"Superman!" Diana cried out in distress and was about to jump off from the sidelines and finally join the fight but two red tails suddenly wrapped around her wrists, stopping her.
"Kal El, no." Barry laughed to himself.
Diana scowled at him. "Are you mocking me?"
"If you knew what universe that was in, you'd mock yourself too."
"What's the big idea? Let go of me!" she shouted at Kyuubi but he said seriously:
"Naruto and I made a bet. The fight is not over yet, so don't butt in."
"Puhu!" Naruto almost burst into laughter but he quickly masked it with a fake cough.
Momentarily, Diana didn't know how to react to how ridiculous that statement was.
"Don't worry, I'll stop your friend from getting mangled if it comes down to it."
At those words, Diana remembered just who exactly the tiny fox had that immobilized her was. Especially feeling the incredible strength in the tails restraining her, she no longer had any doubts about Kyuubi's powers.
"What about mine?" Naruto asked.
Diana tapped her chin with a finger in mock thought. "Well…you're capable."
"That's not a yes."
The muscular alien came to the new crater that Superman had made with his body.
"You think you can hurt me?" he said and his massive foot stomped on Superman's prone body several times, further burying him into the ground.
"My skin can withstand a nuclear explosion!"
He grabbed Superman by the neck, raised him in the air and prepared to throw another devastating punch.
"My bones are-"
But just as he was speaking, 2 beams of red light came from Superman's eyes and hit him right in the forehead.
The room fell dead silent. Everyone understood what they had just seen and with the understanding had come shock.
"No way," Oliver shook his head disbelievingly. "No fucking way."
"You…" Kara paused. "You lobotomized him. You really lobotomized him."
"Damn Clark, I know he's being a handful, but you've never gone that far." Barry frowned.
"That's because it's not Clark." Batman said. "At least not our Clark."
"So we're dealing with a Superman who's more willing to take extreme measures," Dinah said. "That won't end well."
Batman felt the same way. The first time would be the hardest but as time went on, you became more willing to use a permanent method and you began to do it for smaller and smaller reasons until one day, you began to kill or permanently disable anyone who slightly aggravated you.
This Clark wasn't there yet, but he'd set himself on the way. He just hoped there'd be people to stop him when he eventually lost it.
Drool came from the corner of the creature's mouth and he lost all strength in his limbs, falling to the ground on his knees.
Kyuubi no longer needed to restrain Diana because she stopped trying to break free, too startled by what she had just witnessed: Superman had just lobotomized someone in front of so many people!
"What the hell, you really never lose a bet do you?" Kyuubi said, irritated.
Naruto shook his head and admonished.
"Kurama, Kurama, have I ever lost a bet? Over a century has passed yet you never learn your lesson. Tsk! Tsk! Shame on you."
The fox growled unhappily but did not retort.
"That creature single-handedly almost defeated the Justice League, why are those humans even pointing their backwater crappy guns at him? Tell me, Naruto, why are most humans so stupid?"
"Because a small chance is better than no chance," Clark said quietly, obviously still shaken by what his alternate self had done. "People still shoot at me with handguns and the better shots aim for my eyes, thinking it might be vunerable."
"Does it work?" Kakashi asked.
"I still have both eyes."
Naruto chuckled at Kyuubi's abrasive words. It did look ridiculous to him too that the policemen were pointing their pistols at the alien creature and then tried to cuff his hands. It was as if they had not just watched how he tanked Green Lantern's power ring blasts without even getting scratched.
A huge swarm of reporters popped out seemingly out of nowhere and flocked around the Justice League throwing dozens of questions at the same time.
"You...lobotomised him!" Lois Lane said, her voice betraying her shock.
"What's your question, Lois?" Superman asked curtly.
"He's so different from you," Diana said. Even when it inconvenienced him, Clark remained patient and polite when dealing with reporters. This one didn't seem to have the same temperament.
"And not in a good way," Kara finished for her.
"It's-, it's so out of character..." she added.
"It's about time if you ask me." one of the nearby journalists said and many others voiced their agreement.
"That's right!"
"Absolutely!"
The heroes and even the ninjas shook their heads disapprovingly.
"Even if they're right," Naruto started. "You shouldn't encourage a person to do stuff like that."
"No offense, but that's kind of hypocritical coming from you." Hal said.
"We kill because we have to," Kakashi frowned at the lantern. "And while we understand and teach the need for ruthlessness, we don't praise ourselves everytime we take a life. In his case, it's not the reason that's the cause for approval, it's the mere action."
"These people don't know it, but they're creating a monster." Diana sighed.
Another one among the reporters asked:
"And what's with the new costumes, guys?"
"We just felt it was time for a change." the black and white costumed Superman said.
Clark closed the book with a heavy sigh. "I don't feel like knowing how this will turn out."
"Hopefully, not as bad as you think." Barry said. "They wouldn't become the Justice League if they were bad people, you know."
"Power corrupts, Barry." Batman said. "Especially when you have reason to believe there won't be consequences for whatever action you take."
"Well, only time will tell." Kara shrugged. "Now I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry." She looked upward at nothing. "Any chance you can spawn a sticky bun or two or three or four or five or six?"
"I could do with food too," Naruto agreed. "Besides, if food does get spawned, I can introduce you to the wonders of our cuisine, Diana."
"Ah yes, nothing to take the mind off the possibility of a doomed world like food," Kakashi mocked.
"Mm, food." Kara rubbed her stomach.
"Mf Doom?" Hal asked.
"All caps when you spell the man's name, Hal. All caps."
Is Superman circumcised? I keep thinking of this at least once a month.