2.E
-- Aisha Laborn Imp --
"So, where are these guns?" Tanya asked.
Huh. Where were the guns? We certainly didn't bring them -- the dogs don't exactly have saddle bags -- and neither did the mages. Had Lisa really brought us all the way out of the city to test the new guns, only to forget them? That's hilarious.
But she was smirking. Not much, by Lisa standards, but she certainly thought she knew something we didn't. Well, that Tanya didn't. She wasn't able to think anything about me at the moment.
"I haven't taken delivery yet. No reason to let them know where we live."
As though there weren't a hundred empty warehouses in the city? Nah, she just wanted to show off.
"You want to meet our Toybox contact?" Lisa asked. "I placed the order, but the secret of our association is blown anyway."
Shit, Toybox? I wanted to meet our Toybox contact, and I hadn't even known we'd had one. Well, she probably meant Coil's Toybox contact, which was ours now like the rest of Coil's stuff.
But Tanya was less enthused.
"The Tinker black market? I told you to prioritize reliability and you bought Tinker tech? We can't even maintain it ourselves."
Lisa shook her head.
"They run a sideline in mundane low volume custom machining. Cape equipment, mainly, where Tinker tech doesn't make sense. It's not cheap, but its high quality and very fast."
"The turnaround time is impressive, I'll admit," Tanya responded. "I'd expected a week at least for sourcing the guns and making the modifications, and that was before Shatterbird. How 'not cheap' are we talking?"
"Try a month. Maybe two. You can't just carve into a modern rifle barrel and hope, there's engineering work that needs to be done," Lisa said. "As for the price... At least take a look at what we got first?"
Tanya raised an eyebrow, face impassive.
"Three hundred fifty thousand dollars."
I choked. Tanya frowned pensively.
"How much engineering work are we talking? That's absurdly expensive for a few rifles and absurdly cheap for a rifle development program. Of course, I didn't ask you to start a rifle development program."
Lisa shrugged.
"No, you just gave me an impossible list of requirements for an off the shelf rifle. Battle rifles are rare enough, and all the commercial and military models are optimized for weight and recoil management and definitely not melee combat at an appreciable fraction of the speed of sound. They're based off an existing design with substantial modifications and were fabricated in house out of some fancy non-Tinker alloy. I'm told we're actually getting a big discount because Iridescent took an interest."
"Well, I guess the price isn't too unreasonable in that case, and we can certainly afford it. You're sure these guys know what they're doing?" Tanya asked. "Even minor differences in metallurgy and design can cause problems in a firearm. They can't have done much testing in the three days since you placed the order."
"The guns aren't Tinker tech but the tools used to make them are. Iridescent's power apparently gives him engineering VIs that can work on normal materials just fine. And they have a few normal engineers, too. They've got a good reputation and they're certainly better qualified than you or me."
Tanya nodded. Finally.
"How's the hand off going to work? Did you tell them to meet us near here?"
I groaned, not that anyone noticed.
"Not yet," Lisa replied. She pulled out a matte black cube. "This anchor should allow them to open a portal from their pocket dimension right to us. Just let me--"
"Stop!" Tanya barked and Lisa froze. "I want you to tell me how the hand off is going to work."
Lisa relaxed, but not completely.
"I'll activate the anchor, place it on the ground, and text them. I already gave them an approximate time, so they should be ready when we are. A portal will appear above the anchor, a rectangle that can vary in size from a drive through window to a garage door, roughly. Probably on the smaller side, given our order. Frank, our contact, should be on the other side with the guns. Maybe Iridescent, too. The payment is already in escrow, so he'll hand them over, I'll confirm delivery, and they'll close the portal. You don't need to be here for it if you don't want."
Tanya snorted.
"And leave you to be killed or captured, if that's what they have in mind? No, let them make the delivery to an empty field, and then we'll retrieve the guns once we're sure they're gone."
Lisa hesitated.
"Tanya, that's... Well, we can do that if you really want, but it's very rude. Certainly no way to make friends, and Toybox would be very good friends to have. I was planning on using this as a trial run, too, see if we can trust them with the orb project. A normal watchmaker is really not going to have the sort of security we'll want for that."
Tanya grimaced as she thought.
"How likely do you think this is to be a trap?"
"Not at all likely," Lisa responded immediately. "Reputation is life and death for groups like them. You can't call the police if your illegal Tinker tech order falls through, so no one would buy from them if there were the slightest rumor of crooked dealing. Not saying they're one hundred percent trustworthy, but this deal is nothing to them."
She stopped to consider for a moment.
"I might be worth kidnapping and selling, but I don't think they'd do that. Tinkers are even bigger targets for that sort of thing than Thinkers, and Toybox was founded as a sort of mutual protection society for exactly that reason. Even if they'd be willing to do it, they don't know what sort of backing I have. And, again, it'd have gotten out by now if they attacked their customers regularly. And Frank definitely doesn't think it's a trap, for what that's worth."
Tanya wasn't completely convinced.
"And if you're wrong, they could have anything at all on the other side of that portal. If they want us dead and we're standing here when the portal opens, we'll die... But I take your point. We'll stand a hundred meters back behind an active barrier with the men in position to provide supporting fire, and if it looks safe once it opens, I'll fly you in. Now, are the edges of the portal sharp? What happens to anything halfway across if it closes suddenly? Do--"
I went to go see what Taylor, Brian, and Weiss were talking about.
"Well, no, that's not really surprising. Any solid or liquid can stop my power. I've never tried to move it through a forcefield, but I don't see why it wouldn't stop it."
A pool of Brian's darkness pressed against an invisible surface in front of Weiss. Suddenly, the surface seemed to vanish and the darkness flooded over Weiss's feet.
"Try moving your hand through the same space," Weiss said.
Brian did, and while I couldn't see his hand in the darkness, his arm stopped as though it had run into something.
"It's the manna barrier that stopped your power, not the kinetic or gas barriers."
"His power is a gas," Taylor said. "Look, it's moving in the wind."
"Not inside my shell, it's not," Weiss responded. "Because my shell is airtight at the moment."
He gestured and a half sphere of darkness rose up as though scooped by an invisible bowl. He stuck a finger in it curiously and swirled it around, feeling the resistance.
"It's magic. I don't understand why you're so sure it's not when you can't even sense magic yourself."
"... Well, can you cast the same spell, then?" Taylor asked.
Weiss shook his head.
"It'd be useful -- it's pretty hard to push magic through, and I don't know any spell effects quite like it. If only it were that easy. No, modern casting relies on a very specific magical formulation. There are known magical effects it can't produce at all, and creating a new formula can take experts years in some cases, even with an example of the effect to work back from. And doing anything practical with magic at all outside that paradigm is... well, not impossible, but certainly beyond me. I won't say it's beyond the Colonel, but I doubt she's spent any time on such an impractical pursuit."
"Impractical?" Brian questioned. "Even though it can do things your casting method can't?"
"If the traditional methods were better we'd still be using them. They're unreliable and inefficient, bound up in superstition, very difficult to teach, and even then generally produce unimpressive results. Merely achieving consistent flight was enough to be accounted an archmage pre-unification. Even without an orb, a modern mage would beat a traditional one seven times in ten. With an orb, only the very greatest archmages with all their foci would stand a chance."
"Why--" Taylor started, but Tanya interrupted, her voice emerging from the air. In German.
I waited impatiently while she and Weiss had a brief conversation, but then it seemed like something was finally happening.
"We're going to contact Toybox shortly," he said.
"Uh, we are?" Brian asked. Because Lisa had wanted it to be a surprise, and then she'd only actually revealed that surprise to Tanya (and me).
Weiss filled them in. Bored, I started gently pushing Brian away from the others. If I do it just right and stop him from walking back, they'll all gradually raise their voices to keep talking. Then I can suppress my power and demand to know what all the yelling is about. That one never--
"Skitter, you're to hide a hundred meters behind the portal so you're safe while keeping everything comfortably within your range." Weiss shouted. Kind of him to include Brian. "Grue, you should stay... over there," he finished, confused. Or not.
Funny as it continued being seeing Brian sent to the kid's table, I wasn't thrilled about how Tanya treated the team. Like only Lisa was worth anything and the rest of us were her accessories. Occasionally she'd give Taylor something to do because she was Lisa's favorite... creepy spider brooch(?), and otherwise we should be happy she remembered our names. Our cape names, I mean, because she'd never asked for the real ones. Coil had had his downsides, for sure, but the Undersiders had at least been a team under him. Now? I wasn't sure.
Well, I wasn't about to stay away from the action. I followed Taylor back to where they were prepping the portal.
Koenig hovered a block or so back from the anchor, not quite aiming his rifle but not quite not aiming it either. Lisa stood closer but still pretty far away and Tanya hovered just over the ground beside her. Weiss and Granz flew to the sides a little behind and well above where the portal should appear, presumably so they wouldn't be immediately visible from the other side but could quickly come around if Tanya decided to murder Toybox. I stood right in front of the anchor, because, well, I wasn't getting a ride with Tanya when it opened. If they've really packed the other side with high explosives or whatever Tanya was thinking, guess I'll just die.
Lisa sent the text and seconds later the portal opened. A bright line appeared over the anchor and space parted like stage curtains. I curiously peered into the other side -- it was pretty dim compared to afternoon sunlight -- only to be nearly blinded as a figure stepped out onto our side, costume best described as 'shiny as fuck.' Iridescent. Or maybe that's Frank and the older black guy in jeans and an old band t-shirt is Iridescent. Could go either way, really.
We waited awkwardly for a couple moments while Tanya grabbed Lisa and flew over.
"Tattletale," the cape said with a pronounced British accent. "You're a bit late. Anything to worry about?"
"No, sorry, just had to relocate after some hikers stumbled over us," Lisa lied with a smile. She gestured to Tanya. "This is Argent, who asked me to commission the guns. Argent, this is Iridescent and Frank."
Turned out my first guess was right.
"No Coil?" Frank asked.
"No," Lisa said, chipper. "He's going to be taking a more passive role in the organization going forward for health reasons. Had you wanted to see him?"
Frank shrugged.
"We aren't -- or weren't -- friends. I know how these things go. So long as your money's good, we won't inquire further."
Lisa smiled, but Iridescent spoke up before she could respond.
"That is an excellent reproduction," he said with admiration, looking at Tanya's uniform. "Bit dirty, but I guess that's authentic. And is that a Mondragón M1908?"
"It's not a reproduction," Tanya said flatly.
Iridescent chuckled.
"Don't think they made any in your size, little Oberstleutnant, but it is very well done."
I took a few quick steps away. Maybe Tanya would decide to murder them.
"Argent is a dimensional traveler!" Lisa hastily interjected. "She really is exactly what she appears to be."
Frank and Iridescent shared a glance.
"You're telling me I made these guns for a... cape officer of the Kaiserreich? And that is an original Mondragón... You fought in the war?"
"Shit, why didn't you say?" Frank asked. "Iridescent would have done this job for free."
Iridescent ignored both Frank and his own question.
"May I see your rifle?" he asked, hand already extended.
"... No," Tanya replied.
Lisa elbowed her. Elbowed her forcefield, rather. Either way, Tanya looked at her and sighed.
"Major, please come here. Iridescent would like to inspect your rifle." She paused for a moment. "Empty it first."
"You know I build firearms, right?" Iridescent said. "That's why you hired me."
Tanya shrugged. Weiss startled both men as he came around the edge of the portal. Iridescent just stared at him, but Frank looked around with some wariness. He noted Koenig with a start.
"This is a bit of an elaborate set up," he said. "Hiding any more capes?"
"I don't know you. You'll forgive some caution," Tanya dodged. "If I were planning on ambushing you I'd have done it already. And I wouldn't have brought Tattletale."
Careful, Tanya, putting it that way implies you'll be less cautious once you do know them.
But Iridescent paid the sideline absolutely no attention, grabbing Weiss's rifle and immediately starting to play with it.
"... The delivery?" Tanya asked after ten quiet seconds.
Frank shrugged and returned through the portal. I was sorely tempted to follow him, but 'don't go after a Tinker in their lair' must go octuple for Toybox. They'd have cameras for sure. Probably linked to automated laser turrets or something. Fortunately Frank didn't make us wait long. He returned with two rugged black crates and placed them in front of Argent with a flourish.
She took a quick step back, dragging Lisa when she didn't immediately follow. Weiss noticed and moved beside her. The air between them and the crates shimmered slightly.
"Open them, if you don't mind?"
Frank stared for a moment, then shrugged and popped one open.
I wasn't a paranoid wreck, so I got the first view of the guns. They were... Well, guns. Ten of them in a neat row. Black and vaguely menacing, with various levers and ridged sections and holes. I might not actually know anything about guns. If they'd really used some fancy alloy like Lisa said, you couldn't tell just by looking at them. I considered grabbing one, but I didn't really want to start a fight if Tanya decided they were shortchanging us. The things I do for--
"I'll give you a quarter million," Iridescent suddenly declared. "More if you have any documentation. The condition isn't great, but that's to be expected in a rifle that saw combat. German Mondragóns are hard to come by at the best of times, and the extra dimensional origins are worth a premium."
What, for that piece of shit? Weiss blinked at him.
"You want to... purchase my service rifle? It's not mine to sell."
"It is if you're never going back to your world," Lisa said. "And even if you did, I think they'd care a lot more about the new rifle you brought back than the old one you 'lost.'"
He frowned.
"I'm not concerned about getting away with the theft. I'm not a thief."
Tanya looked a little conflicted, but ultimately nodded.
"I have to agree with the major. Historical preservation is a noble pursuit, but our guns aren't historical artifacts. It wouldn't be proper."
"Four hundred thousand," Iridescent tried.
"I don't see how that makes it more proper," Tanya said dryly.
Have to wonder whether her tune would change if she wasn't due over a hundred million in bounty money. Easy to be principled when you're rich. Er, actually, how serious are they about the 'not thieves' thing? What does she think we do?
Iridescent's entire face was covered with an array of colorful... lenses? scales? Both? Regardless, while they were technically transparent, the extreme distortion left no hope for making out his expression. Still, I could practically feel the pain and reluctance with which he allowed Weiss to tug the rifle out of his hands. Weiss immediately started to load it. Because he'd spent way too much time around Tanya, presumably.
"You're into guns, I take it?" Lisa tried to salvage the conversation. "Want to tell us about these new ones?" She looked at Tanya and hesitated. "It might make more sense to have everyone here for this."
After a moment Tanya nodded and started mumbling into the air in German.
What about the other crate? Frank had never actually gotten around to opening it. I moved over. Well, I guess it was possible this was the one with the trap Tanya expected, and Frank had only opened the other to lure us into a false sense of security. See the risks I take for this team? I leaned over and--
"Let's leave that one for later, Miss," Iridescent said.
Uh...
"What?" Tanya asked, frowning.
Well, nothing for it. I shoved my power down before she could break out the chemical weapons.
"Imp," I introduced myself with a small wave.
"Imp," Lisa groaned, speaking over me. Rude. "Get over here."
Yeah right. I let my power snap back into place and flipped her off. Everyone looked confused for a moment. Even Iridescent. Good, it was just a fluke. Sometimes people can break out of my power when I mess with something very important to them. Normally that means attacking them, but I guess this guy is really into guns.
But after a moment he said, "Oh, she's a Stranger?"
... Or he was just confused why everyone else was ignoring me. Oops.
"Stranger?" Tanya demanded. "Where--"
"Imp!" Lisa shouted. "It's just Imp." She turned to Iridescent, eyes narrowed. "I don't suppose you sell those visors?"
He chuckled and I narrowed my own eyes. She would need to be punished, of course, but -- I glanced at Iridescent, who was still looking at me -- not in front of the outsiders.
"Maybe something could be arranged. Some of the features of this particular model aren't ready for prime time, but for just the anti-Stranger tech? Call it a million. Two hundred a year for the service contract, plus a hundred for any additional units beyond the first."
She bit her lip, seriously considering it. Ouch. A million dollars just to get rid of me? She eventually shook her head. Aw, thanks--
"She'd steal it the first time I went to sleep."
Oh, right, I'd obviously do that.
The digression proved just long enough for Koenig and Granz to make their way over... with Alec and Rachel. And Weiss had apparently left to fetch Brian. Taylor noticed and jogged over on her own. Huh. I hadn't thought Lisa had meant everyone everyone, and I couldn't imagine Tanya going out of her way to include us. Frank looked around the group that had suddenly tripled in number with wide eyes.
"You may proceed," Tanya said and Iridescent leaned down and grabbed one of the guns.
"I can't tell you how thrilled I was to see your order. I've long had an interest in firearm design and in particular in updating old designs for the parahuman era. Despite what some claim, guns remain effective against the vast majority of parahumans, even low level Brutes. Meanwhile, Brutes, Movers, and Strangers all have substantial advantages in using guns. There's so much potential there, and what do we see? There's that abomination the Butcher carries around-- Are you familiar?
"We're new to this world," Tanya reminded him.
"Ah, of course. She uses a minigun -- that is, a rotary machine gun that fires three thousand rounds a minute intended for aircraft use. Now, three thousand rounds a minute makes sense for an aircraft mounted gun, given the long ranges and limited engagement windows they can expect. For a cape fight? She doesn't even have sights on it. The only way she's hitting anything at a hundred meters is if she hits everything at a hundred meters, and of course she's not carrying the thousands of rounds a mounted gun would have to make that viable. So you know what she did? She had the fire rate reduced! Now, granted, seven hundred rounds a minute makes a lot more sense for the way she uses it. That's why most infantry machine guns have fire rates around there."
He paused for effect.
"So why the hell isn't she using one? There's literally no purpose to a rotary barrel system at seven hundred rounds a minute. She's carrying around five extra barrels and a complicated and delicate rotary mechanism, about thirty extra kilograms, all for a markedly worse gun than any old M240. Oh, and she better hope she remembered to charge the fucking battery or it won't do a thing! Ah, I should mention modern aircraft all have electrical systems, so the designers could safely assume there'd always be electricity available. Or at least they could until that maniac decided to rip their hard work out of the helicopter where it made sense!"
... Damn, this guy was that into guns. Even Tanya looked put off by his enthusiasm. She started quietly asking Lisa something and I hurried over.
"--sure are you? He seems a bit... overeager."
Lisa's frown melted into realization. She shrugged.
"I'm sure he'd be happy to give a demonstration. If his work is shoddy, let it explode in his hands instead of ours."
Oh, that made sense.
Tanya paused, embarrassed at her true worry being so easily found out, then nodded.
"--the Swedish pattern HK G3 as a base," Iridescent continued, unaware of the digression. "The battle rifle platform is the obvious choice for a low level Brute, essentially a scaled up assault rifle, offering improved stopping power while retaining reasonable magazine sizes and readily available ammunition. 7.62x51mm NATO is a slightly smaller cartridge than what you're used to, but advances in propellant chemistry since your time mean you should be able to find a loading with similar bullet weight and muzzle energy."
"You have brought some ammunition, right?" Tanya asked. "I'd like to test them out today."
"Of course. Actually, I think there's supposed to be one more crate with the ammo, accessories, and extras. Frank, do you mind?"
He grumbled a bit and disappeared into the portal.
"So, starting from the Swedish G3 -- a battle-tested, reliable weapon with good inherent accuracy and some surprisingly modern features for a sixty year old design -- I made a series of modifications in line with your requirements. I replaced the adjustable stock with a modular fixed stock for sturdiness, replaced all the structural and external components with Big Rig's favorite steel blend, moved the bayonet lug to the bottom and beefed it up -- I think you'll like the redesigned bayonets, too, they're about twice the size of the originals and intended for slashing as well as stabbing -- thickened the barrel a bit to account for the silver inlay, and improved the trigger pull."
Damn, that's some lung capacity. Frank had returned while he wound down and had opened the third crate. He retrieved a clip and handed it to Iridescent.
"Ready to try it out?" iridescent asked, extending the rifle and magazine towards Tanya.
"You may do the honors." She gestured to the right of the portal, empty of people since Granz had joined us. "Try for the lone tree a hundred fifty meters back."
"Oh?" Iridescent inquired. "I'm permitted to wield a loaded weapon in your presence, now?"
"You are," Tanya replied placidly, unbothered by the apparent inconsistency.
But I could tell she was pretty keyed up in spite of her tone. Probably preparing to kill Iridescent the instant he made a wrong move. But Iridescent didn't notice or didn't care. He wasted no time shoving the clip in and performing several more mysterious rituals, including rather violently slapping it at one point. A few seconds later he held the rifle against his shoulder and pulled the trigger.
Fuck that's loud! Makes Lisa's pistol sound like a cap gun. Iridescent, Frank, and the mages didn't care, but everyone else flinched at the noise. Frank noticed and bent over the crate then tossed Lisa a pack of earplugs. Everyone crowded around her for a pair as Iridescent took his second shot. I stole Brian's rather than risk startling Tanya, who still looked like she was just waiting for an excuse to eviscerate Iridescent. (She must realize he's got at least one bullshit Tinker weapon in his suit, right? Why is she so focused on the gun?) Brian sheepishly returned to Lisa, who rolled her eyes at him before giving him another set. Just in time as it turned out, as Iridescent flicked a switch on the rifle and emptied the clip in one long burst.
"I see nothing to complain about," Tanya said. Wait, how could I hear her through the earplugs? She glanced at the tree. "Well, excepting your marksmanship."
"Think you can do better?" Iridescent asked with an audible smirk, tossing Tanya the rifle.
"--optics? I wanted to give you a chance to try without them first, but I'm frankly not sure you'll see much improvement. That was some incredible shooting," Iridescent gushed.
Giving Tanya an opportunity to show off turned out to be just the thing to break the ice. After blowing up that tree and every other one Iridescent could point out, she'd had the men set up an impromptu shooting range by carving a large tree into slices a couple feet thick with their bullshit magic lightsabers and propping them up at various ranges. They'd all spent a few minutes flying around in increasingly complicated patterns while shooting -- it was too easy on the ground, evidently -- but Tanya wanted to keep things moving. She'd let the men continue while she resumed the conversation with Iridescent.
"Take a look," Tanya said, tossing him the rifle. As Iridescent caught it, I noticed a weird distortion over the barrel that-- Oh.
"That is fascinating," Iridescent said, looking through the magic scope. "Can you adjust the zoom--" She could.
"When did you zero it?" Frank asked.
"It keeps a rolling average of bullet paths as you shoot, adjusting the zero automatically," Tanya said.
Frank and Iridescent shared a glance.
"That's a very versatile power," Iridescent said. "And your whole cluster can do it?"
"Cluster?" Tanya asked.
"When multiple people trigger at the same time, they divide up all the powers," Lisa offered. "Each member gets a decent main power and everyone else gets a related minor power. Circus is one, pretty sure."
Leaving how much to tell them up to Tanya? Probably smarter than stepping on her toes, though they'd obviously need to know something if they were going to work on the orbs.
"Powers work a little differently on our world," Tanya admitted.
Fortunate she'd reached that conclusion as well, however reluctantly. She could reign in her paranoia when it mattered. Though she must realize giving them so little would only whet their appetites.
"I'm more curious about magazine options," Tanya continued before they could ask anything else. "Twenty rounds is fine, but we don't spend a lot of time firing from prone. No reason not to use something bigger."
"Ah," Iridescent nodded. "German Mondragóns were often issued to aviators with thirty round drum mags, weren't they? Not terribly reliable, even relative to contemporary box mags, but it makes some sense given the operational context."
"I'm aware," Tanya dryly replied. "But I was thinking double length box magazines, not drums. Or quad stack, if you can manage it."
"That's tough," Frank said. "Magazines may seem simple, but designing a truly reliable one can be harder than the rest of the gun put together, especially if you want to do something inventive with it. Just elongating the box leads to spring force issues--"
"Not that we can't do it," Iridescent interrupted, then sighed. "But if you want to go past twenty five, maybe twenty eight rounds, that's going to be a major project. And, frankly, I have other orders I've been ignoring to work on yours. A week at least, and we'd probably need to charge as much again."
He actually sounded genuinely regretful at the thought of wringing another three hundred thousand dollars out of us for a minor adjustment. What a weirdo.
"Well, I'd take twenty five or twenty eight if that's relatively easy to make reliable," Tanya said. "But I'd like to do some more thorough testing before making a major commitment. Get back to us with a quote and I'll consider it. Oh, and if we want more rifles, do you have a unit price in mind?"
Iridescent, transparently disinterested in money, let Frank handle that one.
"I think we can go as low as seventeen thousand without the optic. Maybe sixteen, if you're going to want more than fifty. Steep, I know, but bear in mind we don't do mass production. We've got limited CNC capacity, we have to buy the steel from Big Rig, and rent in the pocket dimension isn't cheap."
Tanya frowned.
"How tough are these rifles, exactly? I've gone through more than a few guns in my time."
"Wood furniture," Iridescent dismissed. "There's an upper limit on the quality of non-Tinker alloys, but it should be fine structurally so long as you don't, I don't know, try to break rocks with it. The nitride coating is nothing fancy for the twenty-first century, but it should still be way better against moisture and corrosion than the stuff you're used to."
"We could offer a service contract," Frank said. "Up to ten repairs or replacements a year for a fixed fee... Maybe fifty thousand?"
Tanya shrugged.
"Let's see how long it takes the men to break one, first."
"Well," Iridescent clapped his hands, "that's enough business talk for the moment. Tattletale and I have prepared a surprise for you." He gestured towards the second crate, still closed. Fucking Finally! "Why don't you call the men down? They're going to want to see this."
Tanya hesitated, paranoia making a brief return, but she pushed it down and did as she was asked.
"That is absurd," Tanya said flatly. "I'm not sure I could lift it without my powers."
The crate, around the same size as the first, held only a single gun. It was big.
Lisa handed Tanya a bullet. Her small hand wrapped around it, barely covering half its length.
"... I suppose I see the appeal. Still..."
"The original was only twenty five pounds," Lisa said. "You're the one who insisted on all steel construction."
Tanya's eyebrows raised.
"Only?"
"Colonel!" Koenig called, nearly vibrating. "I'm happy bearing this burden. It fits my name."
His name? What?
Tanya looked at him and sighed.
"Let Iridescent give his demonstration first, at least."
And Iridescent did, obviously gleeful at the reception.
"When Tattletale said your power scaled with bullet weight, I just knew what we had to do. This design is based on the Gepárd GM6 Lynx, the most compact semi auto .50 BMG rifle that's passed military trials. I've improved the trigger pull, swapped out the materials, and figured out how to make the inlay work with the reciprocating barrel, but enough about that. Let's get to shooting!"
He squatted over the crate and pulled the rifle out. It didn't seem that heavy -- Frank had carried it out crate and all with one hand -- but I could see how holding it up to your shoulder could get tiring. Iridescent gave it a go regardless after loading it and-- Damn, that's loud even through the earplugs. I was half expecting the recoil to knock him on his ass after all the buildup, but he only swayed a little. Oh well. The way the whole barrel moved back and forth was cool, at least.
Koenig tore it from his hands moments later, and I do mean 'tore.' If Iridescent had been foolish enough to try to hold on, he'd have probably broken something.
"I've always said we needed anti-tank rifles," he said.
"Oh, that's not an anti-tank rifle," Iridescent corrected. "Anti-materiel. Lightly armored vehicles, fuel tanks, grounded aircraft, mines, and so on. It won't take out a modern tank, the armor's gotten too good."
Koenig snorted.
"Maybe not when you fire it."
The inlay started glowing ominously.
"Don't ruin the range," Tanya instructed with some exasperation. "And if you blow all your reserves playing around, you're riding the dogs back."
"I think there's a buried water line over there," Lisa said, waving vaguely behind the group. "And what was that about your name?"
"My hero name. The Colonel hasn't said?" Tanya grimaced as he posed with the rifle. "I am Langer Max! Big Gun, in this barbaric tongue."
OK...
"But... we're villains?" Brian asked.
Koenig scoffed.
"No American is calling me 'villain' while I fight for the Empire!"
Shit, I think he's won me over. Tanya's expression sealed it.
"Just... go play with your new toy," she commanded, utterly mortified.
Max flew off happily and Tanya turned to Iridescent, determined to change the subject.
"You put a bayonet lug on the reciprocating barrel?" she asked. "Doesn't that risk breaking the mechanism?"
Iridescent shook his head.
"I did consider that," he said, tone still a little amused. "Engaging the safety locks the barrel securely, either extended or retracted."
"Well," Tanya said, "I don't care about the unit price because I'm not buying him another if he breaks it. Do--"
A truly incredible explosion occurred in the distance. I could feel it in my chest, through my feet. Once the dust settled I was sure there'd be an actual crater. Damn!
Right next to Lisa, I heard her mumble, "Why did I do this?"
Tanya was completely unfazed, of course.
"Do you have anything else for us?" she calmly asked.
Iridescent tore his eyes away from the site of the blast, shaking his head.
"Nothing special. An assortment of commercial combat knives, pistols with holsters and extra magazines, one P90 submachine gun, and a cavalry saber, all in the third crate. Oh, and some of those custom bullets Tattletale wanted, no promises about the ballistics. We can go through it all if you'd like?"
"We have that meeting with Cranial and Glace in seven minutes," Frank said. "This was supposed to be a quick delivery."
Iridescent sagged briefly -- he really was good at conveying emotion through the full coverage armor, provided that was intentional and not just how he normally acted -- but he straightened a moment later.
"So, we have six minutes to chat. Tell me, have you met von Hindenburg?" he half begged.
Tanya hesitated, thrown by the sudden change in direction. She eventually shook her head.
"My world's history has progressed somewhat differently from yours. The only Imperial General's name you'd recognize is Rommel."
"You know the Desert Fox?" he demanded. Tanya winced. "Wait, wouldn't he be very young to be a general?" he asked the preteen colonel. He hesitated, realizing his mistake. "... Not that--"
"The war started late in my world," Tanya cut him off. "He's a little young for his position, but not incredibly so. And yes, we're acquainted. I didn't spend too long on the African Front, but he seems to be running it reasonably well."
"Damn." He shook his head wonderingly. "Any other figures I'd recognize? From outside Germany, maybe?"
"I haven't done an exhaustive inventory. I'm pretty sure Pierre-Michel de Lugo is your world's Charles de Gaulle."
"Oh?" he asked, intrigued. "Do you know him, too?"
Tanya stared at him.
"He's an enemy general. I've done my damnedest to kill him. Only ever came close, more's the pity."
That briefly put a damper on Iridescent's enthusiasm, but he soon sprung back. I was getting bored, though. As fun as it had been at first watching Tanya struggle with the reality of nerdy fanboys, it was getting a little old. I sidled over to Frank and pushed my power down. He jumped and I gave him a moment to compose himself.
"Imp," he greeted halfheartedly.
"So, what's it like?" I prodded. "Being Iridescent's minder. You're an actual engineer with a real degree and everything, right? But he's the one that makes all the cool stuff and you're the one that handles sales and carries things."
But if I thought that was going to hit a nerve, I was mistaken. He chuckled.
"Oh, Iridescent's not so bad. My life is less stressful on the clock, to be honest: only one hyperactive child with no sense of self preservation to wrangle." There was a lot of fondness in his voice and I didn't think it was for Mr. Shiny. "It's my wife you'd have to..."
He trailed off and after a moment I noticed my grip on my power had slipped. Ugh. I really didn't want to go through the whole rigmarole of suppressing it again, trying to explain what had happened, and then getting back into the conversation, only to probably slip again a few sentences later.
I cut my losses and went to bother Alec instead.
Edit: fixed a couple typos