The evil that afflicts us arrives to change or break. It's up to us to decide which to oblige.
Fade had been through many things in her life. She had been betrayed, abandoned, and mistreated by men who made demons look like saints . She had gone into suicidal battles and left her fate to destiny. Above everything else , she thrived and came out alive. It could certainly be said that she was a survivor of the worst that could be done. Her radiant power reflected just that.
Evil had taken a hold of her, and she was just another pawn to perpetuate that evil in the form of a nightmare, whether in herself or in others. She had long since gotten used to sleepless nights, derangement, and intrusive suicidal thoughts. It was everyday life. There were nights when her power would make her see the end of the world in such a vivid way that she wondered if Prowler and Nightmare were also suicidal for wanting her to jump off a cliff and end it all.
It had been like this for years. With each endeavor, she dreamed of her own death, of the end of life as she knew it. Of an apocalypse where everyone would be engulfed in darkness, and the void would reign supreme. Sometimes the dreams were so real that Fade would wake up and wonder if she was still dreaming or if she would dream now. When she joined the Valorant Protocol after being confronted about what she wanted to do for Brimstone, she made a choice she wouldn't regret.
It had been a year since she became an agent of the Protocol. But not much had changed. The mistakes she had made were not forgotten or forgiven. She was instead hammered with ostracism and neglect. It wasn't new for her to be treated as a pariah in places she frequented. People were afraid of her, the agents she had joined and formed a team with were also afraid.
She felt the trail, she could even smell it. There were moments when the other agents would be cheerful and celebrating whatever it was, until she joined them. For whatever reason, everything would turn dark, and the smell of fear and bitterness would stoke the demons of the nightmares she carried within her.
Prowler was particularly good at remembering his meals. Nightmare was the shrewdest nightmare demon. He was always waiting for the right moment to feast. And that was always recurring.
Everyone had a certain fear of her, and everyone wore an antagonistic expression when she was near. She had gotten used to enduring insults filled with fear and hostility towards her. She had gotten used to people avoiding her like the plague, and honestly... After a while, it stopped hurting. She knew she had made a huge mistake, but she hoped that people could move on and give her a chance to mend that shattered bridge.
But that never came. So, she stopped trying. She simply accepted that things were what they were, and that she would be left alone and avoided as if she was diseased. She settled into the new reality and contributed as an agent, staying in her room most of the time and avoiding everything.
That was until a new agent was brought into the Protocol. One that made Fade's nightmares fall into a frenzy.
Fade never thought she would find someone whose nightmares and fears couldn't be brought to the surface. She never expected to find someone immune to fear and negative expectations about the future. Of course, she paid a little more attention after she noticed that this new agent, Dopel, was unimpressed by the aura of fear she caused.
The blue of the sea and the green of the earth shimmering in his eyes left her slightly weak. Admittedly, she liked the idea that there was someone somewhat like her.
So yes. Fade paid special attention to the recruit. She kept an eye on him from within a distance, watching the other agents interact with him. He wasn't exactly a talkative person, and she could understand that. She didn't talk much either.
He was accepted without any problems, and the fact that he was quite skilled and reliable certainly helped make the integration go smoothly. He wasn't exactly a favorite like Neon, but he was certainly leagues above her in popularity, even Viper and Reyna had nothing but praise for him after every mission he was tested on..
Dopel worked well with her. She dared to take pride in that, just to cling to something and give meaning to something she didn't want to name as loneliness. There wasn't much conversation and Fade certainly didn't have the charisma to talk endlessly like Jett did. But Dopel clearly trusted the information she gathered, and she learned to trust the security he provided, clearing the way and dispatching any enemies. There was something there.
She admittedly felt a slight touch of arrogance when she heard the other agents confronting Dopel and asking who he preferred to work with on missions, and her name was loudly and clearly proclaimed.
She went unnoticed in the cafeteria, just getting a coffee. But she left that place happier than she would ever admit. And that was a new point in her routine. The first month had passed since Dopel's arrival, and the pattern was certainly noticed.
The two of them were disproportionately good for each other, of course... Dopel was a first-rate shooter, and she was very good at telling what was going on around her. It shouldn't be a surprise if one side of the bridge wanted to get closer to see the other side, right? But she was surprised. During dinner with Skye and Raze around, talking loudly enough to be considered rude; Fade couldn't hide her surprise when she noticed Dopel picking up his plate and heading to the farthest table, almost darkened by the environment and the low light of the wing.
Interestingly, while she chose to sit and avoid problems. Fade held a certain grudge against the others for treating her like trash. So, upon seeing their scorned and bewildered faces when Dopel chose to sit with her, filled her with a violent satisfaction that she wasn't ashamed to indulge in.
- Why? - was the only question Fade dared to ask while the two ate in silence, but somehow, the silence felt right. The most intense exchange of glances in her life also seemed to contribute to whatever it was.
- Because no one deserves loneliness, especially those who regret it. Loneliness is the chrysalis of monsters. - was Dopel's answer.
From that day on, Fade could count on her fingers how many curses she heard in the corridors. The other agents weren't exactly receptive to the idea of Fade being around Dopel more frequently and monopolizing his attention. Like Jett and Skye, who weren't subtle about their interest. Not that she blamed the two very much, she was happy with the development. Dopel often sought her out before any mission, just to have coffee or simply sit on the couch, few words were exchanged, and it became a bit of a joke that the two were unable to communicate unless it was on a mission, but Fade didn't mind.
The fact that someone was invested in her presence and not treating her like a pariah made her feel on top of the world.
This filled her with joy, and admittedly satisfaction. There was a certain respect between them, and that made her happy. There was growing camaraderie with each mission, each shared dinner, each exchanged glances, and simply every moment when the two were close to each other.
Fade actively began seeking his company. There were days when she would knock on Dopel's door with breakfast in hand, being invited inside and staying there, both comfortably on his bed. Fade wouldn't admit it to herself, but the idea of having someone so comfortable with her to this point made her sick for the first time.
It didn't help when they both started training together to feel less detached from reality. No one had trained them or even offered any advice when it came to this. She was used to being on her own, but hell if it wasn't a wonderful feeling to have someone so good letting her know where she could improve.
Fade couldn't complain about the new routine. After more than a whole year in the Protocol, she could finally say that there was someone who liked her. And that was wonderful.
The familiarity with each other bloomed, and Fade was able to see that, in fact, Dopel was a person who was undeniably homely and kind. Just methodical in his missions. The touches and random phrases began to flow freely between them after Dopel told her she looked beautiful, right after he went to her room with coffee in hand for two.
It had to be the sign of something, right? So, she started saying what she thought back to him. Every moment, Fade poured compliments on him about his long, dark hair, which adorned him in a braid that he asked her to make. Saying how unfair he looked with that androgynous appearance of his.
He praised her and touched her at random times. She began to prevail and let him be close to her. Many nights they would simply end the day in each other's arms anywhere, looking into each other's eyes and saying anything that sparked, or simply laying in silence while they pampered each other.
Dopel gave her a unique hint that he wanted more than hugs and pretty words from her, and Fade was anything but a brave woman.
She pressed him against the corridors leading to her room, and with a gleaming look that she received from him, Fade knew she would have to go all the way with him.
That's how she kissed him for the first time, her larger body pressing his smaller one against the wall while her mouth took possession of him as if she were his owner, that's how they were meant to be.
- You seemed like you were going to take a decade to realize you could do that. - Dopel gave her a discreet smile and at that moment, Fade could swear that an angel had forged him just for her. - I had to speed up the process...
Fade didn't pride herself on how this left her body raging with fire. She took him by the arm and locked him in her room, both only leaving the next day.
There was a hint of anger mixed with pride when Jett pointed to Dopel, pretending to be uninterested in the small marks on Fade's collarbone, resulting from their deeds while they were together.
The Protocol still blatantly avoided her, but now they weren't as offensive... more like provocations from certain agents, like Phoenix and Harbor. Reyna was an inquisitive woman, though, one of the first times they had spoken since Fade entered the Protocol was about whether the two of them were using protection.
- I was too busy getting criticized with my legs stretched out by my boyfriend to remember protection, and I made sure to keep his mind busy with something else. - was Fade's succinct response to the older woman, finding some pleasure when she huffed and walked away, saying she would check with Dopel.
Their stable relationship soon became common knowledge. Nothing was done to prohibit it if it didn't interfere with missions. And it never did. In fact, their performance continued to improve. There was now a certain comfort when the two of them were paired together, even if any other agents went along on the mission.
None of the other agents understood, not even Raze and Killjoy, who were also together. It was a strange relationship, as the others liked to emphasize.
That never bothered Fade. Here, she would be judged anyway. She knew she needed to go through this trial to rebuild herself from a life of continuous mistakes.
But damn if the idea of having someone real in her life didn't make her smile.
- Sevgili…- Dopel murmured, with his face between her neck as they hugged during the night, waking her from a deep dream. - What's going on in your problematic little head?
Fade good-naturedly laughed at her boyfriend's words, pulling him even closer to her body to feel the warmth of the life emanating from him. She wondered if whatever at the top of the heavens hadn't planned this all along, now and during many other nights in the room while they were together, everything felt right.
- I'm thinking about everything, and a little more. - Dopel lifted his face from her neck to give her a confused smile, and her heart could melt with the sweetness of his sleep laden eyes. - I'm thinking about everything. About you. and a little more about us...
Fade could only grace the life she now possessed, when the slightest of smiles adorned her boyfriend's face, promising all the flavors of wine and sin in the distant night.