Ren, Ryuji, and Ann Solve the Gas Crisis
One day, in the alleyway behind Cafe Leblanc, Ren, Ryuji, and Ann are seen looking at a gas generator that's currently being used to power the electricity of Sojiro's cafe.
"I don't get it," Ann said, looking at the generator whirring away, "How is Sojiro supposed to scale back his energy cost when he's filling this generator with gasoline?"
"Since when did Sojiro start running the cafe on a gas generator anyway?" Ryuji asked.
"He's been doing it for about a week," Ren answered, "Since electricity has gotten so expensive, he figured running the cafe on a gas generator would be more cost effective."
"Gasoline is, like, way more expensive," Ryuji said.
"Not to mention bad for the environment," Ann chimed in, "If Sojiro was going to power the cafe on an alternative fuel source he could've gone a little greener. But that's neither here nor there."
"No, babe, you're right," Ren said, agreeing with his girlfriend, "As the brains between the three of us I'll talk to Sojiro later today to see if he can reconsider this decision."
"Uh, hold up," Ryuji said, "Since when did you become the brains?"
"Since the Phantom Thieves were formed," Ren answered, "Ever since we invaded Kamoshida's Palace I've given the three of us different roles. I'm the brains, Ann is the looks, and you're the wild card."
"I thought you were the wild card," Ann said, "You know, that's why we called you 'Joker'."
"Not a wild card in that sense, Ann," Ren explained, "Wild card in that Ryuji is always ready for action at a moments notice and isn't afraid to drop the hammer."
"For real?" Ryuji exclaimed, "That's awesome!"
"I had no idea you assigned these roles for us, sweetie," Ann said.
"That's the classic set up," Ren explained, "Every great crew in history has followed a similar dynamic. Think about it; The Adolescent Monster Dualist Lizards, the Feathermen, the Ghoul Stoppers (Ghostbusters). All of them followed a similar team dynamic, and all of them knew how to kick ass and take names because of it."
"I have to admit, you have a good point," Ryuji said as Ann nodded in agreement.
"Yeah," Ren continued, "So let's use our skills to tackle the matter at hand."
"Which would be," Ann asked.
"The higher-ups at these oil and gas companies are getting their jollies by squeezing every last penny out of us," Ren explained.
"Well it's not like we can go into the Metaverse and change their hearts," Ann said, "Remember, the way into the Metaverse is closed up?"
"Which is why we have to figure out a way to give cheaper gas to the people ourselves," Ren said as he made his way back into Cafe Leblanc, "Come on guys, let's solve this gas crisis once and for all!"
"I thought we were going to convince Sojiro to use a more green way of powering the cafe?" Ryuji inquired.
"One thing at a time, Ryuji," Ren said.
Ryuji and Ann follow Ren into the cafe, and the three of them immediately get to work on their plan.
Sometime later, the trio are now seen in one of the cafe's booths making a chart that shows the increase in gasoline prices over the course of the year. Also with them is Yusuke, who Ryuji called over to sketch beautiful women on either side of the chart.
"I don't understand why you want me to sketch these women on your chart, you three," Yusuke said, confused.
"To seduce the loan officer, we're going to talk to," Ryuji answered.
"And why do you guys need to talk to a loan officer?" Yusuke asked.
"I've come up with a plan to take advantage of the gas crisis and help the little man," Ren answered, "Ryuji, Ann, and I are going to go to a bank and talk with a loan officer so we can get a loan to buy gallons of gasoline. Then, we're going to store the gasoline somewhere, wait a few months for the prices to skyrocket, and that's where we come in to sell our gasoline at a cheaper price. As a result, everyone will flock to us and leave the other gas stations high and dry. We'll be set for life!"
"And like I said," Ryuji continued, "If the officer dude doesn't go for our proposal, we'll have this chart and your sexy women drawings to convince him."
"Something's telling me drawings were your idea," Yusuke said to the young man with dyed blonde hair.
"You know it, pal," Ryuji said, "And I'm just glad I can contribute this much because as the team wild card, I really don't know what I'd be doing in this mission, if I'll have anything to do at all."
"I thought Ren was the wild c-, what are you talking about?" Yusuke asked, even more confused now.
"It's some system that Ren came up with that tells us what role we play now that we're not the Phantom Thieves anymore," Ann answered.
"Where do I fall in this system, then?" Yusuke asked.
"I haven't figured that out yet," Ren answered before turning to Ryuji, "As for you, Ryuji, you do have something to do. You're the wild card. You sit by mine and Ann's side and look crazy and capable of anything."
"By 'look crazy', what do you mean?" Ryuji asked, "Do you want me to smile like this?"
Ryuji gave a huge slasher smile while licking his lips, putting the other three with him on edge.
"We don't want whoever we're talking to to think that they're going to get murdered," Ann said with worry.
"Okay, maybe I should go for a meaner look like this," Ryuji went before making an angry scowl.
"You look like you're holding in a crap," Ann said.
"Look, we'll work on your wild card face later," Ren said, "In the meantime let's get to work on putting our plan in motion. Yusuke, are the drawings done?"
"All finished," Yusuke said as he handed his bespectacled friend the chart, "I must be off now. I wish the three of you good luck. "
"Thanks, Yusuke," Ren said as his blue haired artist friend made his leave.
On Yusuke's way out, he passed by the group of Daisuke, his cousin Ryuta, Shiho, Futaba, Yuuki Mishima, and Morgana. They appeared to be arguing with Ryuta over something as they entered the cafe.
"For the last time it's not a rape van, it's a spy van," Ryuta said.
"Dude, all that van is missing is a colorful sign that reads 'Free Candy'," Daisuke said as the group went over to Ren, Ryuji, and Ann.
"What's going on here?" Ren asked, "What's this talk about a 'rape van'?"
"Spy van, first the hell of all," Ryuta began, "And second, is this."
Ryuta allowed Futaba to step aside so she could show the trio a newspaper article that had a picture of Suguru Kamoshida handing a check for ¥1,340,325,000 ($9,000,000) to a Russian man. The headline reads, 'Former Olympian Makes Large Donation to Local Russian Cultural Center'.
"Apparently our old friend Kamoshida hit the lottery and he's giving all of his winnings to some Russian Cultural Center," Shiho explained.
"So?" Ryuji asked.
"So, that bastard doesn't deserve that kind of money and we need to take it away from him," Shiho responded.
"Not to mention I did some research as to who's in charge of the Russian Cultural Center," Ryuta said, "Apparently he's some ex-KGB guy who came here a few years ago. We think that this palooka is giving all that money to terrorists and we gotta prove it!"
"Look, I know Kamoshida is a bastard and we hate him as much as the next guy, but do you really think we should take away all of that money from him, especially if he's seeking to do good with it?" Ann asked.
"What part of 'ex-KGB' did you not understand?" Ryuta asked.
"All we're saying is that Kamoshida has changed ever since our high school days, and maybe he's looking to redeem himself," Ren said.
"By donating money to the Russians so they could potentially fund some kind of war effort we don't know about," Futaba said.
"Let's not jump to conclusions, everyone," Ren said, "Besides, I feel like things like this are out of our control. Maybe we should just let it be and you can help us with our gasoline plan."
"There's no time," Ryuta said, "We've gotta find this Kamoshida guy and get as much information as we can out of him to see if he really is helping a bunch of filthy rotten terrorists."
"I guarantee the six of you that if you do this and Kamoshida is working with Russian terrorists you're all gonna get shanghaied to Moscow," Ryuji said.
"We're ready to take that chance," Ryuta said before turning to his cousin, his girlfriend, the nerdy couple, and the black cat, "Strike Force Tokyo, let's move out!"
As the group of six left, Yuuki asked a question that was on his, Daisuke, Ryuta, and Shiho's minds, "Why does the cat have to come with us?"
"Uh…for good luck?" Futaba responded with.
With Ren, Ryuji, and Ann left to their own devices, they continued to work on their plan to get their loan for the gasoline.
Sometime later, and the trio are seen inside the local bank talking with a female loan officer.
"Okay," the female loan officer began, "So how can I be of service to you three today?"
"We'd like to take out a loan for gasoline," Ren answered.
"Gasoline?" The loan officer asked, confused, "Uh, can I ask why? I mean, I'm not one to judge, but most people take out a loan for a house, maybe a new car, help a kid through college. But you three pick gasoline."
"Please, let us explain, miss," Ren continued, "When you give us the money, we're going to use that money to buy gallons of gasoline. We store the gasoline away for anywhere from a few months to a year, or whenever the gas prices become out of control, then we sell the gasoline to make a huge profit."
"Sounds like you all are planning a business," The loan officer said, "If that's the case, may I see a business license."
Hearing her say that made the trio frown.
"Yeah, about that," Ann chimed in, "We were actually going to get our business license while we waited for the gas prices to skyrocket. But maybe if we show you our chart you can reconsider. Ryuji, get the chart."
Ryuji reached next to him and gave the blonde woman the chart that they and Yusuke worked on. As Ann talked, she pointed at the upward line on the chart.
"The beginning portion of the chart are the gas prices from last year," Ann explained as her finger went to the middle of the line, "This middle portion are the gas prices from this year," Her finger then went to the end of the line, which was near the top of the chart, "And this is what the gas prices could be. If you give us the loan for the gasoline now, we can get a head start on buying it before the prices become too much and so we can sell our gas at a cheaper price for when they do become too much."
The loan officer was more concerned with the drawings on the side of the chart however, "And what are those," she asked.
"Oh, uh, those are beautiful women we had our friend draw for us," Ann explained.
"Why, exactly?" The loan officer asked.
"To be honest we thought we'd be speaking with a male loan officer," Ryuji explained, "The drawings were meant to woo him into giving us the loan."
"Well, it doesn't matter how many beautiful drawings you use, how many charts you show me, or if you were speaking with a male or female loan officer," The loan officer said sternly, "We're going to have to reject your gasoline proposal, especially since you lack the business licenses necessary."
"We understand, miss," Ren said, willing to go away in peace, "Come on, you two, let's get out of here."
"Hold on a second, Ren," Ryuji said as his 'wild card' brain came up with an idea, "Miss, are you married?"
"Excuse me?" The loan officer asked.
"Are you married?" Ryuji asked again, "Do you have a special someone to come home to?"
"Ryuji, where are you going with this?" Ann asked.
"Just stay quiet and watch the wild card at work," Ryuji whispered to his blonde friend.
"Well if you must know I'm recently divorced," The loan officer replied.
"Must be pretty lonely living all by yourself," Ryuji said as he leaned over the desk the loan officer was sitting behind, "If you give me and my friends the necessary loan, I can make it worth your while, fine looking lady." With the last part Ryuji unbuttoned a few of the top buttons on his shirt to show some of his muscles."
"For crying out loud, Ryuji, what are you doing?!" Ren asked, "What would Makoto think if she saw you acting like this?"
"I'm sure she'd give me a hall pass if she knew what we were trying to do," Ryuji said.
"Please," Ann said as she pulled Ryuji off of the desk, "If I caught Ren doing what you were doing, I'd smack him into next week. Now come on, let's get out of here. We'll just have to use our own money to buy gasoline."
"You're not letting the wild card do his thing!" Ryuji yelled as Ann dragged him out of the bank by his ear, "Obey the wild card!"
Ren could only watch, along with several other bank workers and customers, as his girlfriend dragged his best friend out of the bank. The bespectacled man just turned to the befuddled loan officer and chuckled nervously.
"Thank you for your time, miss," Ren said with a blush of embarrassment, "I'm sorry about all of this…goodbye!"
And with that, Ren ran out of the bank before any more embarrassing events could occur.
Meanwhile, in another part of the city, the group of Ryuta, Daisuke, Futaba, Yuuki, Morgana, and Shiho were sitting in Ryuta's 'spy van', which was parked across the street from an apartment building.
"My intel says that Kamoshida moved into this apartment complex recently," Ryuta said, "My guess is that after giving the money away to the Russians, he moved in here while the police searched his actual home."
"Hate to admit it, but that's smart of him," Yuuki said.
"Yeah, not smart enough," Ryuta said as he looked over at Daisuke who was sitting in the front seat with him, "Alright, cousin, what do you see?"
Daisuke looked out of the van's window to see nothing but blackness; the van's windows and windshield were tinted.
"I can't see a thing," Daisuke said, "Why would you tint the inside of the windows?"
"I didn't want anybody to see in," Ryuta answered.
"We can't see out, Ryuta," Shiho exclaimed.
"Geez, Daisuke's cousin really isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, is he?" Morgana asked Futaba, causing the orange haired gamer to shake her head.
Before anyone could say anything else, from outside of the van they heard the front door of the apartment building open. A man walked out, but because the windows were tinted, they couldn't tell if the man was Kamoshida or not. He looked muscular, however, and he had a similar haircut as the former Olympian, so the group was led to believe that this man was Kamoshida.
"That's him!" Yuuki exclaimed.
The group watched as the man walked to his car, which was parked in front of their van.
"Where do you think he's going?" Shiho asked.
"I don't know, but we gotta follow him," Ryuta said as he handed Daisuke a camera, "Take lots of pictures as we follow him, Daisuke. The more evidence we have to show that Kamoshida is guilty the better."
As 'Kamoshida' got into his car, Ryuta was trying, and failing, to get the gas pedal to work.
"Hang on guys, the gas pedal is jammed, I gotta wobble it," Ryuta said as he wobbled the pedal around with his foot.
"Wobble it?" Futaba asked incredulously, "Where did you even get this piece of crap van?"
"Brought it for a great deal from a neighbor of mine," Ryuta said as he continued to wobble the gas pedal. In doing so, however, he ended up giving the van too much gas and he went careening right into the back of 'Kamoshida's' car.
"Hey!" The man was heard yelling from inside his car, "What the hell?!"
"Oh my God, you crashed into him!" Shiho shouted.
"Back up!" Daisuke yelled, "Back up! Back up! Back up!"
Ryuta shifted the gear into reverse, but he was so scared that he wasn't paying attention, and he ended up backing into the car behind him.
"We've gotta get out of here!" Yuuki yelled, "Just drive, Ryuta, drive!"
Taking the spiky blue haired man's advice, Ryuta pulled out of his parking space and drove off, passing by the man they believed to be Kamoshida. The man tried looking into the van as it drove by to see who the driver was, but couldn't because the window was tinted. Similarly, Daisuke tried looking out of the window at the man as they drove by to see if he really was Kamoshida, but he couldn't tell because the windows were also tinted on the inside of the van.
"Hey, what the hell was that about?" The man yelled as he got out of the car to survey the damages to the back of his car.
Meanwhile, at a local gas station, Ren, Ryuji, and Ann were currently filling trash cans with gasoline. They were currently at over 2,000 gallons which cost them ¥149,000 (over $1,000), meaning that they were there for quite some time already.
"I can't believe we didn't get the loan," Ren lamented.
"And we have to use our own money to pay for it," Ann added, "I know the old adage goes 'You've gotta spend money to make money', but I was hoping we'd be spending someone else's money instead of our own."
"We would've gotten the loan if you'd let me work my wild card magic and let me seduce the loan officer," Ryuji said.
"Okay, first of all, seducing people is my job, you know, me, 'the looks' of the group?" Ann began, "Second of all, your antics could've gotten us banned from that bank for life! You're very lucky that Ren and I aren't going to go back to Makoto to tell her what you did."
As Ann continued chewing Ryuji out, the gas station manager came over to the trio to stop them from taking all of the station's gasoline.
"Hey, what are you punks doing?!" The manager yelled, "No trash cans, only jerry cans and cars!"
"We're sorry, sir," Ann said, "But we assure you that we're going to pay for every drop of this gas."
"That's right," Ren chimed in, "It's going to be a while though, so just hang tight and we'll be out of your hair in no time."
The manager wasn't having any of their nonsense. He snatched the dispenser out of Ren's hands and put it back on the pump.
"This stops now," The manager scolded, "Only cars and jerry cans. You don't need this much gasoline."
"I don't like the vibes this guy is giving off," Ryuji said, turning to his two friends, "You two want the wild card to do his thing?"
"Please don't," Ann said before Ryuji reached into his pocket to pull out a lighter.
"So help me God, I will blow this joint sky high," Ryuji said as he put his thumb on the lighter's flint wheel.
"For God's sake, Ryuji put the lighter away!" Ren yelled, causing Ryuji to put his lighter away, "This is no big deal. We just have to figure out a way to get the gasoline back to Cafe Leblanc without using the cans."
"How do you propose we do that?" Ann asked her boyfriend.
Gilligan Cut To…
The trio are now seen in the back alley of Cafe Leblanc where Ren had parked his car. Ren's new plan is to fill up his gas tank back at the gas station, then Ryuji would siphon the gas from his tank and into a trash can. Once a trash can was filled, they'd store it in the basement of the cafe until it was time to sell the gas to make a profit. The way Ryuji would get the gas from Ren's tank and into a trash can was he'd suck up the gas with a tube that he'd stick in the tank, then he'd spit it into the trash can. Ryuji was currently finishing up another barrel at the moment as he had spit up a large quantity of gasoline and is panting for air.
"Alright, that's can number five," Ryuji panted.
As Ren and Ann watched Ryuji pant for air, Ren was having second thoughts on his plan to getting their gasoline.
"I don't think this is working, guys," Ren said, "We're actually burning up gas driving back and forth from the gas station."
"Not to mention I've swallowed a good amount of gasoline while trying to suck it out of your tank," Ryuji said, "We're losing more than we're making."
"Also, I can't be the only one of us who had noticed the increase in the gas price since this morning," Ann said.
"That manager probably increased the price on purpose so we'd stop coming to him," Ryuji said.
Ren looked at the barrels that they already had full and nodded confidently.
"I think we have enough gas for right now, guys," Ren said, "But to make back some of the money we lost, we're going to have to start selling some of this gas now. Are you guys cool with that?"
"Whatever you say, Ren," Ryuji said.
"Yeah, Ryuji and I are ready to follow your lead," Ann said.
"Excellent," Ren said, "So let's load up some of this gas back in my car and head over to Inokashira Park so we can start selling!"
The trio loaded the trash cans full of gasoline into Ren's car before driving off for Inokashira Park to try and sell it.
Meanwhile, with the self-proclaimed 'Strike Force Tokyo', the group of five people and one cat infiltrated the 'man they believe to be Kamoshida's' apartment. After crashing into him, the group circled the block a few times to make sure the man left his home. When they were sure that he left, they made their move. In Daisuke's arms is a big bag of fertilizer, while Shiho is in possession of a pair of box cutters.
"Are you sure this is the place, Ryuta?" Yuuki asked.
"I'm almost positive," Ryuta said, "My intel said so."
"Alright," Shiho said, "Daisuke, take that bag of fertilizer and put it in that closet over there. I'll take these box cutters and hide them in his sock drawer."
"Sounds like a plan, babe," Daisuke said.
"What are you doing all of that for?" Ryuta asked.
"Because when we call the cops, they're going to find these bomb making supplies and then he'll go to jail for sure," Shiho said confidently.
"No, guys," Ryuta said, "We can't call the cops, because then they're going to find the bug I'm going to plant."
Out from Ryuta's pocket came a baby monitor.
"You're going to plant a baby monitor?" Futaba asked quizzically.
"Look, it's the best I could do on the budget I have," Ryuta said, "Sorry to disappoint you if you were expecting some Operation: Impractical (Mission: Impossible) level stuff."
"What exactly are you hoping to find here?" Shiho asked.
"A lot of shady stuff," Ryuta said.
"Such as?" Daisuke asked his cousin.
Ryuta thought for a brief minute before snapping his fingers, coming up with an answer.
"Like maybe Kamoshida is banging dudes!" Ryuta answered.
"And that would be shady because?" Daisuke asked.
"Maybe the dudes aren't actually dudes," Ryuta said, "Maybe the dudes are kittens!"
Hearing that made Morgana shudder.
"What?!" Shiho said incredulously, "Kamoshida is not banging any kitten dudes! Alright, let's go back to mine and Daisuke's original plan. We're going to leave this fertilizer and box cutters here for the police to find. We'll become heroes among the community, and then we'll get Kamoshida's money as a reward."
"Uh, hold on," Yuuki said, "When you say 'we'll get Kamoshida's money', are you referring to all of us or just you and Daisuke specifically?"
"Why would you ask that?" Daisuke asked.
"Because you and Shiho kind of took the reins from Ryuta just now," Yuuki answered.
"You two do hate Kamoshida more than any of us," Futaba chimed in, "It's only natural that you'd want to ruin him more than we do."
"You weren't planning on offing us at some point to make sure all of the money is yours, were you?" Yuuki asked.
"Daisuke, you wouldn't do that to your own cousin, would you?" Ryuta asked.
"You guys are being ridiculous," Daisuke said, "We'd never do something so heinous as that."
"We're just saying money makes you do crazy things," Futaba said, "Things you never thought you'd do in a million years. So that money just might make you betray just about anyone and everyone you meet, including us."
"Can we get back to the mission at hand, please," Shiho said as Daisuke took the baby monitor from Ryuta, "If you really want to plant this thing so badly let us hide it." She then turns to Daisuke, "Come on, babe, let's hide these things."
"You got it," Daisuke said as he and Shiho left to hide the fertilizer, box cutters, and baby monitor. As they did, Ryuta, Futaba, Yuuki, and Morgana glare at them.
"Oh yeah, they're guilty," Morgana said.
As that was going on, we cut to the front of Inokashira park where Ren, Ann, and Ryuji had set up a 'lemonade stand' type situation, so they could sell the gasoline they acquired. Sitting on top of the stand are funnels, an empty gallon milk jug, and a calculator.
"And done!" Ren said as he hung up the sign with the gas prices, "We're ready and open for business, everyone."
"Just one problem, babe," Ann said, "How do you plan on counting the totals?"
"Oh, it's easy, Ann," Ryuji said, "You and Ren are going to pour the gas into the car using these funnels and this gallon jug while I count how much gas goes into the car."
"And how exactly do you plan on counting a liquid," Ann asked.
"I looked it up, and a gas tank is about 12-16 gallons," Ryuji explained, "So we just fill up our milk just 12-16 times."
"Not everyone who comes here is going to have their gas tank completely empty, you know," Ann said, "And besides, 12-16 gallons is a big margin."
"Well, I'll eye the car and guess how big the gas tank is," Ryuji said, "Then we'll take a look at the gas gauge to see how much gas the driver has left and we'll go from there."
"I'm not so sure about this, guys," Ann said.
"This is going to work, Ann, trust me," Ren said, "Alright, to get customers we need to do something that'll attract attention. So do any of you have any ideas?"
"I have one," Ryuji said.
"Oh, this'll be good," Ann said sarcastically.
"I still have my lighter from earlier," Ryuji said, pulling it out of his pocket, "As the wild card of the group, I'm going to use some of this gas and this lighter to blow fireballs."
"That's not being a wild card," Ren said, "That's being brainless."
"Yeah, Ryuji, that sounds totally unsafe," Ann concurred, "Especially since we're standing next to containers of gasoline, you know, a highly flammable material!"
"Trust me, guys, I know what I'm doing," Ryuji said as he put a little bit of gasoline in his mouth.
As Ryuji continued to try and make a fireball, Ren and Ann continually tried to talk him out of it, only for their pleas to fall on deaf ears. With a mouth full of gasoline, he ignites the lighter, and he spits the gasoline out so that when it hits the flame of the lighter, it forms a giant fireball that goes skyward, amazing Ren, Ann, and even himself.
"Okay, never mind, that was actually pretty cool," Ren said.
"You're right, Ryuji, you knew exactly what you were doing," Ann said.
"I told you," Ryuji said, "You want me to do another one?"
"Go for it," Ren said.
Ryuji grabbed himself another mouthful of gasoline as he prepared to blow another fireball. Unfortunately, when he blew his fireball this time, a wind came that caused some of the flames to blow towards Ren, singing the top of his head.
"Ren!" Ann cried as she and Ryuji came to his aid.
"Oh, my head!" Ren cried as he held the crown of his head, which was smoking.
A few minutes later, the trio were back at Ryuji's house where he was seen wrapping a towel on Ren's head with some duct tape. As a result, he looked like a Muslim.
"Do you have anything other than a towel and duct tape?" Ren asked as Ryuji finished his patchwork on the bespectacled man.
"Not really," Ryuji answered, "Besides, mom doesn't come home until late so she can't take care of your injuries the same way she'd take care of mine."
"Aww, does Nanami give her little boy a kissy-wissy on his boo-boo?" Ann teased, causing Ren to chuckle.
"Very funny," Ryuji pouted.
"Alright, guys, I have a new plan in the works," Ren said, "Mulling over what Ann said about calculating the totals, I realize that there may be a hole or two in our last plan. So instead, how about we take the gas and go door-to-door to sell it?"
"Door-to-door gasoline salesmen?" Ryuji asked, "I like it!"
"Not to mention it'll give Ann a chance to shine as the looks of the group," Ren said, "Everyone will respond well to your friendly face and will buy our gasoline for sure."
"You really think I can sell the gas?" Ann asked.
"I know you can," Ren said confidently, "But first thing's first, we need to borrow Ryuta's van because all that gas is ruining the interior of my car."
"Not to mention there's a lot more room to store the gasoline in Ryuta's van," Ann chimed in, "We just have to find it first."
"Okay, so you and I will go look for the van, Ryuji you stay here and relax," Ren said.
"So once again the wild card of the group has nothing to do," Ryuji lamented.
"If you're a good boy and stay put I'll let you help me sell the gasoline," Ann said before muttering to herself, "A decision that I'm sure I'm going to regret."
"Sounds fair," Ryuji said, "But if I'm helping you sell the gas, I'm going to do it right! I'm going to go find myself a disguise."
"Why do you need a disguise, Ryuji?" Ren asked his blonde male friend as he went to a nearby closet to find a costume that he could use for a disguise.
"So, people don't know who we are," Ryuji answered as he opened the closet door.
"They already don't know who we are," Ann said.
"You're not letting the wild card do his thing," Ryuji said.
"Is there any real reasoning behind this," Ren asked seriously.
All Ryuji had to answer with as he rummaged through the closet was, "Wild card!"
As Ryuji continued looking through the closet, Ren and Ann rolled their eyes as they left the Sakamoto Residence to go find Ryuta and his van.
Back at the apartment complex, the team of Ryuta, Shiho, Daisuke, Morgana, Futaba, and Yuuki are sitting in their van as they listen to 'the man they believe to be Kamoshida' in his apartment through the baby monitor Shiho and Daisuke planted as he's watching a golf tournament on his T.V.
"Stewart's up on his second shot on the fairway, hole #13," The sportscaster on the T.V was heard saying, "I'd say it's about 195 yards. He has a seven iron."
"This is torture," Futaba whined.
"I know," Yuuki concurred, "The only thing worse than no T.V…is golf on T.V."
"Who the hell can watch golf for three hours," Daisuke asked himself.
"Wake me up when something interesting happens," Morgana yawned.
A few seconds later, however, something interesting did happen…because 'Kamoshida' discovered the baby monitor that Shiho and Daisuke supposedly hid in the apartment.
"Is that a baby monitor?" The man was heard asking himself, causing Ryuta to quickly turn his own baby monitor off.
"Great, that's just great!" Ryuta angrily said, "Now he's suspicious. This is all your fault, Daisuke!"
"How is it my fault!?" Daisuke asked.
"Shiho probably gave you the baby monitor to hide and you hid it in an awful hiding spot," Ryuta said, "You've always been a bad hider! Even when we were younger, we played hide and seek! You always picked the same spot, and you made your hiding spots blatantly obvious!"
"Or he and Shiho are trying to set us up to have us all killed!" Futaba accused.
"Do you hear yourself Futaba," Shiho asked, "You're sounding absolutely crazy!"
"Come on, Yuuki, Morgana, Ryuta," Futaba said, "This whole mission has been compromised! Let's get out of here!"
"Right behind you," Yuuki said as he, Futaba, Morgana, and Ryuta left the van, causing Shiho and Daisuke to follow behind them in an attempt to reason with them.
As that was going on, Ann and Ren, the latter of whom still had the towel around his head to cover up his burns, were in the bushes watching the group of six argue with each other.
"They're on the move," Ren said.
"Now's your chance!" Ann said, "Go get that van and I'll meet you back at Ryuji's place!"
"Got it!" Ren said as he emerged from the bushes and made his way to Ryuta's van.
"For the last fucking time, Shiho and I are not trying to have you guys killed!" Daisuke shouted.
"Don't lie to me, cousin," Ryuta said, "I have my ways of finding out things!"
As 'Strike Force Tokyo' continued their argument, Yuuki's eyes wandered toward the van to see Ren approaching it. Unfortunately, since they wandered away from the van during their argument, he doesn't see Ren and instead sees an unidentified Muslim man due to the towel around his head.
"Uh, guys," Yuuki said as he pointed at the van, "Look."
The group of six look to see Ren breaking into the van. But much like Yuuki, since they were at a distance, they too mistook Ren for a random Muslim man.
"Oh my God!" Ryuta exclaimed, "It's some Muslim guy! He's getting into my van!"
"No doubt he's some kind of hitman and he thinks we're in there right now!" Futaba accused.
"I've got to stop him!" Ryuta said as he tired making his way to the van, only for Futaba and Yuuki to stop him.
The group of six could only watch as Ren, or rather the 'Muslim man', started up the van. But since he didn't know how Ryuta's van worked, Ren ended up losing control of the vehicle and crashed into 'Kamoshida's' car, triggering its alarm.
The alarm was so loud that the man who owns the car heard it from inside his apartment, causing him to look out the window to see the same van from earlier accidently ram into his car over and over again.
"Hey!" the man shouted from his apartment, "What the fuck's your problem, asshole!?"
Eventually, Ren managed to free himself from between the proverbial rock and a hard place, and drive off. From inside his apartment, the 'man believed to be Kamoshida' just watched as the van that totaled his car drove off. As that was going on, Ryuta and his team just watched the van drive off in amazement before he, Futaba, Morgana, and Yuuki shifted their attention to Shiho and Daisuke, who look at them very nervously.
Sometime later, after Ren got the van back to Ryuji's place, they loaded said van with their trash cans full of gasoline before the trio drove off to the aristocratic district of Tokyo to sell their gas. When they got to their first house, Ann and Ryuji got out of the van and made their way to the front door. And while Ann's clothes were more practical, businesswoman attire, Ryuji's disguise consisted of an all-white suit with a black bolo tie, black dress shoes, some costume glasses over his eyes, and his usually dyed blonde hair is now dyed white.
"I can't believe you're actually wearing that stupid disguise," Ann said to Ryuji as they walked up the walkway to the front door.
"I can't believe you didn't wear a disguise," Ryuji said, "Look, if we're going to be selling gasoline, we have to look the part."
"You look more like you're ready to sell fried chicken instead of gasoline," Ann joked.
"Whatever," Ryuji said, "Can you at least talk in a southern accent like I'm going to?"
"I'm not going to talk in a southern accent, Ryuji," Ann said in an irritated tone as they finally reached the front door, "Alright, we're here, now just let me do all of the talking."
With that, Ann knocked on the door three times and a middle aged woman came to answer the door.
"Yes?" The woman asked.
"Hello, ma'am," Ann politely answered, "Before I begin, let me say that you look swell today."
"Well gosh darn," Ryuji said in a southern accent, "You look prettier than my sister on prom night."
The woman at the door looked at the duo confused before Ann, who is currently resisting the urge to strangle Ryuji then and there, continued talking.
"Anyway, you seem like a woman with a lot of time on her hands," Ann continued, "So we're not going to waste too much of that time."
"Damn skippy," Ryuji said, "We're just a couple of oil and gas barons who rolled in like a tumbleweed from the most southern parts of the U.S of A, and, well, we're itching like a hound to give you something you want."
Ann took a deep breath to control her anger before she continued to talk.
"I believe what my friend is trying to say is that we're here to offer you a much-needed service," Ann continued before getting cut off once again by Ryuji.
"Hell yeah, ma'am," Ryuji said, "We want to fill you up. If you'd be so kind as to let us."
"Excuse me," the woman said in a disgusted tone, "What are you two prattling on about."
"Ryuji, you're scaring her," Ann whispered to her disguised friend, "Just let me do the talking before-"
Unfortunately, Ryuji cut her off again by saying to the woman at the door, "Now, we ain't going to take no for an answer, you hear? So don't make me sick my associate on you."
As Ryuji said that, he moved out of the way to show the woman at the door Ren, who was still wearing the towel around his head, as he sat in the van watching Ryuji and Ann intently.
"My associate is a rough and tough fella, and he don't take kindly to words like 'no'," Ryuji said, "So how about it, missy, can we fill you up, or what?"
30 seconds later…
Ann and Ryuji are seen running back into the van.
"Git along, little Renny," Ryuji said as he got in the back of the van and Ann jumped into the front passenger seat, "We'd better get a move on because Johnny Law's a comin'!"
"Yeah, babe, you'd better start driving because she called the cops on us," an annoyed Ann said.
"What happened?" Ren asked, "And why is Ryuji talking like that?"
"Well our dear wild card over here decided to lose his mind," Ann explained.
"Oh, I say, I say, that's just damn preposterous, girl," Ryuji said.
"STOP TALKING LIKE A GODDAMN CARTOON CHICKEN!" Ann screamed.
"Alright, Ann, calm down," Ren said, "I think it's time we cut our losses and go back to the original plan. Let's go back to Cafe Leblanc and store the gasoline in the basement."
"Good plan," Ann said, "I've had to deal with more bullcrap in this one day than I have all year."
"Let's just giddyup on out of here before the lawmen come along to throw us in the stoney lonesome," Ryuji said, still keeping up his southern gentleman personality.
"Please stop talking like that," Ann said in an exhausted tone as Ren started the van up and drove out of the neighborhood.
Meanwhile, in Cafe Leblanc's basement, Ryuta, Futaba, Yuuki, and Morgana have Shiho and Daisuke tied up in chairs, as they believe the couple are working against them.
"Alright, guys, we're going to ask you two these questions one more time," Ryuta said, "Who was that Muslim guy that stole my van? Was he a hitman? Are you planning on offing us so you get all of the money? Are you working with Kamoshida or the Russians? I need answers now!"
"Ryuta, we're going to keep saying it until we're blue in the face," Daisuke said, "Shiho and I are innocent, we'd never work with Kamoshida, neither of us know any Russians, and we don't know who that Muslim guy is!"
"This is getting us nowhere," Futaba said as she took out her phone, "I think it's time we took drastic measures. Yuuki, earplugs please."
From his pocket, Yuuki took out four pairs of earplugs for himself, Morgana, Futaba, and Ryuta. They put their earplugs in as Shiho and Daisuke watch them with confused expressions.
"We have ways of making you two talk," Ryuta said before turning to Futaba, "Play the music."
From her phone, Futaba started blasting Becca White's 'Thursday' (Rebecca Black and Friday), causing Shiho and Daisuke to freak out.
"It's Thursday, Thursday, gotta get down on Thursday! One more day until the weekend, weekend! Thursday, Thursday, getting down on Thursday! One more day until the weekend! Party, and party, and yeah! Party, and party, and yeah! Fun, fun…"
"Turn it off! Turn it off!" Daisuke yelled.
"The lyrics are horrible!" Shiho yelled, "And the instrumentals make nails on a chalkboard sound pleasant!"
"Are you two ready to talk yet?" Ryuta asked as Ren, Ryuji, and Ann entered the scene, causing Futaba to turn off the music.
"What the hell is going on here?" Ryuji asked, still in a southern accent.
"We're interrogating and torturing Shiho and Daisuke because we have a reason to believe they're trying to kill us!" Ryuta explained as Ren and Ann came to Shiho and Daisuke's aid by untying them from their chairs.
"Why would you think that?" Ann asked.
"Because some Muslim guy that looked like Ren stole our…" Ryuta started to say, before realizing there are some keywords in that statement, "Wait, you guys stole the van? I thought it was some Muslim guy."
"Nope, it was me," Ren said, "And by the way, you might want to look into getting that gas pedal fixed because I ran into some guy's car like six times."
"Why did you need Ryuta's van, guys?" Daisuke asked.
"We needed a better way to transport the gasoline," Ren answered.
"You guys are still trying to solve your little gas problem?" Yuuki asked.
"Yeah, and pretty much all of our attempts have failed," Ren said.
"Well maybe it's because you're not working with the whole team," Futaba said, "With it being just the three of you, you're missing us, Makoto, Yusuke, Haru, Hayato, Hifumi, Sumire, and Ichiro. Face it guys, the lot of us complete each other and when we come together we make the impossible possible."
"This little darlin' is right, y'all," Ryuji said, "Teamwork really does make the dream work."
"Why is Ryuji talking like that and why is he dressed like that?" Morgana asked Futaba who shrugged her shoulders.
"Alright, as the brains of the group I just had another idea," Ren said, "Let's round up the rest of the gang, and mold our two operations together." He then turned to Futaba and said, "Futaba, play us out of here!"
"You got it," Futaba said as she got on her phone and turned on…
(BGM: Gasolina by Daddy Yankee)
As the music started playing, Ren, Ryuji, Ann, Daisuke, Shiho, Ryuta, Futaba, Yuuki, and even Morgana pulled sunglasses out from hammer space and put them on before leaving the basement to take action.
The group of nine are now seen driving down the street as they prepare to pick up the rest of their crew. First stop was the gym where Sumire and Ichiro were seen waiting out in front of it, wearing sunglasses of their own. They hop in the van before they head to their next location.
The next stop was the Shibuya Police Station where Makoto just got done participating in a 'ride along' program so she could become a police officer when she graduates college. The van arrives just as Makoto was seen walking out of the academy's front doors, wearing sunglasses too. She hops in and the van drives off.
The next stop after that was the library, where Hayato was seen sitting on the front steps sucking on a lollipop as if it were a cigarette and wearing his own sunglasses. When the van arrives, the scarlet haired man gets in.
The penultimate stop was the Kanda church that Hifumi visits to practice Shogi. Hifumi, also wearing sunglasses, sees the van approaching and she waves her hand for it to stop so she can get in.
After that, it's off to Rikugien Garden to pick up the last two members of the crew, Haru and Yusuke. The two of them, much like everyone else, were seen at the front gate of the park wearing sunglasses as Haru sipped on a cup of coffee. Yusuke sees the van pull up and Ren, the driver, rolls the window down to tell the couple to get in. The blue haired and floofy haired couple get in the van, and it speeds off to the apartment complex where they think Kamoshida is located.
As Ren drove the van to the apartment complex, Ryuta was sitting in the front passenger seat with everyone else sitting in the back of the van with the containers of gasoline. Suffice it to say, the 13 humans and one cat were packed like sardines in the back of the van. With 'Gasolina' now playing through the van's radio, Ren goes over the plan.
"Alright, guys, we're almost there," Ren said, "Here's the plan. When we get to Kamoshida's apartment, we slip in and we grab him."
"Hold that thought, Ren," Makoto said, "Shouldn't you guys have gotten rid of these barrels before we got in?"
"They're really heavy, Makoto," Ann said, "We've already had to move these things like a million times."
"Why is there even gas back here to begin with?" Ichiro asked.
"And follow up, where did you even get the money for this much gas," Hifumi chimed in.
"I'll explain everything in due time," Ren said before continuing going over the plan, "Alright, when we get back to Leblanc, Futaba, I want you, Mishima, and Ryuta to do what you were doing to Shiho and Daisuke and torture him until you get a confession."
"No problem," Futaba said.
"Alright, now Ann, I want you, Haru, Yusuke, Hifumi, and Hayato to take that confession to the police," Ren explained, "Use you guys' charm and good looks to get that reward money."
"Consider it done, babe," Ann said.
"Good thing I have a million dollar smile," Hayato boasted to himself as he flashed his pearly whites.
"Then when we get the reward money, we'll use half of it to help Sojiro pay for the electricity bill to the cafe, and the other half will go to our gas plan," Ren concluded.
"Sounds good, Ren," Morgana said.
"The apartment complex is coming up, Ren," Ryuta said, "Park right here. It's far enough away so we don't arouse suspicion."
"Okay," Ren said as he moved his foot to the brake pedal to slow the van down, but everytime he pressed it the van wouldn't slow down, "Uh-oh!"
"'Uh-oh' funny, or 'uh-oh', we're all gonna die?" Ann asked her boyfriend.
"The brakes aren't working," Ren exclaimed.
"What do you mean the brakes aren't working?!" Daisuke panicked as Ren continued to slam his foot on the brake pedal.
"You gotta slam down on it," Ryuta explained.
"I've been slamming!" Ren shouted, "Guys, why aren't the brakes working?"
And Ryuji, who was sitting at the very back of the van, still in his disguise, and still with a southern accent, yells out, "Because I cut the brakes!"
"WHAT?!" Everyone shouted collectively.
"You cut the brakes?!" Sumire yelled, "Why would you do that?!"
"That's just what I do," Ryuji answered, "Wild card, bitches! YEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAWWW!"
And with that, Ryuji kicked the back door to the van and jumped out, causing everyone else to panic as the van continued to pick up speed.
"RUNAWAY VAN!" Morgana screamed!
"Jesus Christ, guys, I can't stop this van!" Ren cried as he continued slamming his foot on the brake pedal in vain.
"Seriously?!" Sumire shouted.
"What the hell do we do now?!" Makoto screamed.
"I know what I'm doing!" Haru said as she jumped out of the back of the van with Yusuke following after her.
"Abort! Abort!" Ryuta yelled as he opened up the passenger door and tuck-and-rolled out of the van.
One by one everyone jumped out of the speeding van as it continued on its collision course…to the 'man believed to be Kamoshida's' car.
(End BGM)
Speaking of which, the man was still inside his apartment watching the golf tournament, blissfully unaware of the tragedy that would come to his precious car.
"Masterson steps up to the tee, eight strokes behind the leader," The sportscaster was heard saying on the T.V, "Hole #17, 338 yards, dogleg left."
KABOOM!
An explosion so loud that it broke windows caused the man to jump out of his seat as the sound of flames crackling and two car alarms could be heard. Startled, the man went to his broken window to see both his car and Ryuta's van in flames.
"Oh, goddamn it, what the hell man?!" The man shouted as he left his apartment to get a better look at the damage.
Outside of the apartment, the group of 15 humans and one cat arrived on the scene just as a small crowd of bystanders gathered to look at the destruction.
"Oh, man, my van!" Ryuta frowned.
"It was a piece of junk anyway," Futaba said.
As everyone watched the car and van burn, the man that the group had been spying on all day comes out of the apartment building to watch in sorrow as his car literally goes up in smoke. The group look at the man and come to the horrifying realization that he wasn't Kamoshida, and they just ruined a random man's life.
"Why is someone trying to ruin my life?!" The man, clearly not Kamoshida, screamed, "I didn't do anything to anyone man, I love that car! I loved that car, man!"
"That's not Kamoshida is it," Shiho asked.
"Nope," Ren said as they continued to watch the poor man have a meltdown over his car.
"What do we do now?" Yuuki asked.
After a moment of silence, the group of 15 humans and one cat cover their faces and leave the area before anyone realizes that they had a hand in this misfortune.
With today being a major waste of time, money, and energy, this is one day that the Phantom Thieves and company will always wish to forget.
END