I am so thankful for everyone reading this story! As always, I am not a doctor, I'm a writer. I am always taking a creative license with the medical stuff. Only respect for any of your breast cancer warriors out there. This story was meant to take place over a four day weekend. It began for #Sexis on a Friday and will end on Monday. I know Saturday was long, but the next chapter will be Sunday. Thank you for hanging in there. I hope you enjoy! Please let me know if you're out there reading. All the best, A

9/

"Why are you hugging me so tightly? I can't breathe." Alexis' voice was smothered against Sonny's neck.

He responded to her request with silence and took her hand, pulling her into a snug embrace.

"Because you're shaking." And too warm, Sonny thought to himself.

"I had a nightmare." She told him.

Please let that be why her skin is giving off heat, he pleaded.

"A vivid, very real nightmare, and I couldn't find you anywhere."

He felt her arms wrap around his neck, and if he had been holding her tightly before, she was clinging to him now as if she thought he would disappear.

"Alexis," He has softly. "Did something happen to me in your dream?"

She pulled back, wiping a bit of moisture from her eyes. He watched as she walked around, straightening things in their daughter's room.

"Happen? To you? Mmm … Yes." She patted down a pillow on Krissy's bed a little harder than necessary. Again. And again.

Sonny, his chest bare, Kristina's One Direction beach towel wrapped around his waist, the dark curls of his hair still dripping from the shower pulled the heart fuzzy purple heart pillow away from her, putting it on the other side of the bed.

Alexis stared him down.

"Actually it was such a lovely beginning …"

She took a deep breath, seeming to be a bit emotional, but quickly pushed it away.

"You were cooking for me and the girls to celebrate me finishing chemo."

"Really?" He said with a small smile, sitting on the opposite side of the bed from her. "I can't wait for that day -"

She held her hand up to stop him.

"Sam and Jason came over to eat with us. She was pregnant and so happy." She smiled for a moment, but it was quickly gone. Alexis patted her lap. "Then you shouted for everyone to get down and you were shot to death in front of us in the dining room. Yeah, the end."

She picked up a pair of Kristina's shoes and threw them aggressively into the closet.

"The end." She repeated.

Sonny walked up behind her, "Alexis it was a dream."

"This time. It was a dream. This time." She shrugged her shoulder away from him.

"Please don't touch me."

"I can't touch you because you're angry about what happened to me in your nightmare?" He shook his head. "I know you're scared. It's been a challenging few days -"
"I'm not being irrational," she mumbled.

"Nooo," he began, "but don't you think asking me to walk away - from what? Staying with you until Monday? Our relationship? Might be … just a little … abrupt. Can't we talk about this?"

She shook her head.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"I disagree." He said, shutting the closet door and leaning against it.

"Sonny …"

"You're upset. I get it. Did you know that the first week I was home from the hospital after Sorel had his guys ambush us outside the PCPD?"

She began easing herself onto Kristina's desk chair. She was dizzy, physically low on strength, and starving though she was scared to eat anything. Alexis had plenty of nightmares after the Sorel shooting, but they had stopped once Sonny got out of ICU.

"Case in point," she said. "I will not see you shot down in front of my eyes again, Sonny. I can't."

He ran his hand through his hair. He reached over, grabbed his shirt off of his daughter's bed, and pulled it over his head. Sonny pushed on,

"I would wake up wrestling the bedding and yelling. Carly used to ask me to talk to her about the nightmares. She said it might help them to go away. Argued that it wasn't good for me to be so upset after everything I'd gone through. I would go shake her off. Go down and have a drink. Look at the stars from the balcony. Try to distract myself. Sometimes I fell back asleep on the couch."

"So you understand why I don't want to talk about this -"

"Just listen."

She nodded.

"I didn't want to talk to Carly about my dreams because the nightmares were about you. Sometimes you were in front and you blocked me with your body. Sometimes I just couldn't get to you in time to throw you to the ground. Every night. Every night I tore off my coat and held it to you. Begged you to stay with me. Told you I couldn't stand to lose you."

She looked at him as his eyes began to well. He'd never spoken of this to her before and there was a time when they told each other everything. Almost.

"Sonny, you could've come to me. I would've listened. I would've been there for you."

He smiled slightly, and she remembered.

Ned.

After the shooting she'd gotten back with Ned briefly. He'd stayed with her for a while to make sure she felt safe. Maybe the balcony was as close as he thought he could be to her at the time.

"One night," he continued. "I had a really bad one. Carly was having trouble waking me. I fought her and even though it wasn't the first time I yelled out in one of the nightmares. It was the first time I cried out your name. I was apologizing and begging you to stay with me. Carly got Johnny to help her. She didn't ask me to talk about the dreams anymore after that. She slept in the guest room for a few nights."

"Sonny,"

"The point I'm trying to make Alexis is you're not the only one who has been afraid of losing someone they love to violence … to death."

"Most of those times I almost died to violence were when I was working for you …"

"So, you don't want to be my lawyer anymore?"

"No, well yes," Alexis looked down, wringing her hands in her lap. "I'm not going to be anyone's lawyer anymore."

"It's just a break, Alexis."

"You don't know that."

"It wasn't just the shooting or the bomb either … Are you forgetting when you were kidnapped by Helena? When you were going through lung cancer? I tried to be positive, but there were nights I really struggled with the thought of not having you in mine and Kristina's life anymore."

"Look, Sonny, I understand that I've been under a lot of stress lately, pain, medication. It was just a horrible dream, but it shook some sense into me."

He watched as she stood, turning her back to him.

Sonny reached out to put a soft hand on her arm.

"Or nonsense." He mumbled.

"Please, please don't touch me."

"Why, Alexis? Why now?"

"Because Sonny, it won't work. It just won't. The cancer will go away or it - it ... We have always loved each other. Even, even when we fought all the time - the love has always been there. Me being sick it's just a veiled reason hiding the truth why we've never been able to make "us" work."

"Toxic exes."

"You're business."
"You love coffee."

She turned to him, a look of frustration on her face.

"The life you've chosen."

"I'm choosing a life with you."

"And I am telling you, Sonny. Just because we love each other doesn't change the fact that your life is dangerous. I have so much to think about right now. I can't worry about who's kidnapped this week. When your warehouse will explode. When you will need to fake your death for a few months. I can't lose you to that world."

"We don't have to think about it right now, Alexis. We need to focus on getting you well, over this round of chemo. We need to focus on the girls. The next steps. I want to be by your side. Everything else is irrelevant."

"It would be nice if that were true. You know that it isn't."

"You love me. It's just everything else. Right? Where have I heard that before?"

"Really?" She responded, squinting her eyes in his direction. "That's completely different."

"Why?"

"Because - because …" Could she really be that vulnerable with him?

"Because Ashton controlled you and never respected who you truly were BUT he wasn't a criminal?"

Alexis exhaled the deep breath she'd been holding.

"Because it's so incredibly hard for me to love - to love men after losing my mother, the distance of my father, Stavros, in the end Stefan, and I - I've never loved anyone as deeply or as much as I love you, Sonny. I've never let anyone see my hurts, told anyone the details of the past, and I've never let anyone in like I have let you in, but …"

"You're scared of losing me. I'm scared of losing you, too. The love matters, Lex. It matters more than any -"

He started to argue with her, do what it took to change her mind.

Suddenly, she doubled over grabbing onto the desk. "Mmmm," she moaned.

He jumped up, leary to put his hands on her.

"What can I do?"
"Nothing. You can't do anything. Give me a minute. I'll be fine."

If only that were true …

"I need words, Lex."

"The room just moved on me. I'm pretty … uh ... I felt l-like … I-I might faint."

Sonny had been with Alexis many times when she'd fainted during a panic attack. This was different.

"It's probably just the meds." She said a bit out of breath.

"Yeah. You still haven't been able to keep anything down. Maybe you're dehydrated again. Why don't you let me help you lie down? I'll get you some Gatorade."

"I - I can do … I can …"

She couldn't find her words.

He gently placed his head against her forehead.

Her eyes were not the only thing that felt like fire when she met his gaze.

"Do not touch me."

He shook his head.

They both jumped as her phone rang out from her robe pocket.
Alexis straightened, pulling the phone from her pocket, and staring down at the screen.

Judge Fuller.

Sonny watched as she hit the button on her phone to take the call, putting the phone to her ear.

"Alexis Davis. Yes, I'm available to talk with her. Of course, I can hold."

He was constantly amazed by her survival skills.
"I have to take this. They'll be a follow up calls & I wanted to check in on Kristina."
"Alexis."

"I'll be in my room." She swiped at a single tear slipping from her eye. "I need to think. I need some space."

"Judge Fuller. Tuesday. Yes. My client will be there."

Sonny sighed.

The last thing he needed was for Alexis to think.

Alexis sat down in the overstuffed chair in her room, covered by a thick throw, with her chin resting on her knees. She was shivering.

She'd confirmed that Kellen could be in court on Tuesday and texted Diane to make sure she could meet him there in case there was another mishap. She was finally able to hear Kristina's voice. Her daughter sounded light and her voice held the refreshing sound of recent had waited so long for the fear and guilt that she had carried in everything she said, in her body language since her abusive relationship with Keifer, the circumstances of his death, and the aggressive pursuit of Keifer's father. Alexis hated that things were about to get heavy for her again when they told her about the cancer. They. Would she and Sonny be a "they" by Monday?

She heard a soft knock at the door.

"Sonny, I really needed some space." She said halfheartedly, hoping he wouldn't listen.

"Alexis, it's Epiphany. Can I come in?"

"Oh." She sounded simultaneously relieved and disappointed. "Of course. Come in."

"I'm sorry. I planned to be here much sooner." She said, dropping her bag on the floor. "How are you feeling?"

"What time is it?"

"9:30."

Alexis nodded.

"Is - Is Sonny still here?"

"You answer my question first, and then I'll answer yours."
"Wait. What? What's the question?"

"I asked How you're feeling …"

"Cold. Dizzy. Weak."

"How's your fluid intake?"

Alexis looked down.

"When was the last time you vomited?"

"About - about 4 hours ago."

"You haven't tried to eat again."

"No."

"Ok." Epiphany put a hand on Alexis' arm. "Hey, it's alright. Sonny said …"

"S-Sonny, is still here?"

"Alexis, did something happen between you and Sonny, something to upset you."

Alexis fidgeted with the blanket on her lap.

"He went outside to get some fresh air and call Jason. He said he wants to go get some clothes and check on the kids, but he wanted to wait until he could see you."

"It's fine. He-he can leave."

"Alexis, Sonny told me he thinks you have the stomach flu."

"What? No-no that was something, something I told him when he first got here so I wouldn't have to admit I had breast cancer. He - he knows about the cancer. Why would he think that?"

"Yes. Yeah, he knows about the cancer. He said that Diane called and that guy you went to cover for in court didn't just have nerves. He had a 48 hour stomach bug. He believes that it's why you've struggled so much worse this time with the nausea. He told me that you felt warm."

Epiphany placed her hand gently on Alexis' forehead.

"He's right." She reached into her bag and placed a sticker on Alexis' head to take her temperature.

"Sonny should be a doctor." Alexis huffed. "He hasn't said anything about this to me."

"He said that you were asleep when Diane called and then there wasn't a good moment."

"It's complicated."

Epiphany raised an eyebrow.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No, thank you."
"As you wish. You're borderline with the fever. We'll have to keep a check on it. I do think that you did have the stomach flu."

"I was only around Kellen sporadically Thursday and Friday."

"Alexis, your immune system is compromised from the chemo. You can't stay in denial about this forever."

"Wouldn't Sonny have gotten sick?"

"I don't know, possibly, he has a really strong immune system. Maybe mobsters get some kind of comprehensive preventative shot. It comes with the "nine lives."

"Right.

"So, we're definitely going to do another round of fluids before I leave. I'll let the doctor know about the exposure to the stomach flu and see what he wants to do. I think you're pretty much past the worst of it."

"I'm sorry. Don't you just want to go home and get some rest. I promise I'll drink more. I can monitor my temperature."

"Alexis, let me do this, okay? Let someone familiar do all the medical stuff right now. I'll be back on my regular shift Monday. You're my last patient. You're my friend. Let me take care of you for a bit. Nurse's orders. Got it."

"Got it.' Alexis smiled.

"I do have one more question for you."

"Yeah?"

"Were you in a hurry to leave the hospital after your treatment Friday?"

"Well, yes. I had to get to court. It was an unexpected emergency."

"Did you maybe run out after the nurse unhooked everything? Before she brought your -"

"Oh, no."

"Hard to believe you skipped out just because of court when I know it's your least favorite part of treatment day. I'm gonna choose to believe you, though."

Alexis' eyes began to water, and she felt silly.

Neulasta.

How could she not have not remembered the sudden stab. The on body injector on her person. The bone pain. It was like how you could break your arm and deal with the pain but a sudden stub of your toe makes you curse, cry, and takes you to your knees. The small things. Like a finger prick or biting your tongue.

"When I helped you with your bath earlier, I remembered that I didn't see it. I checked your chart when I got back to the hospital."

"We need to do it now."

"Won't that push back my next chemo treatment?"

"Yes." Epiphany watched as Alexis turned and looked away. Her fingers pressed her closed eyelids, trying to stop the tears.

"Epiphany, let's … let's call the Doctor and see if we can just do it next week after treatment. I mean, I'm already sick."

"Even more reason to take the medicine that helps boost your immune system so that you don't get another infection."

"I need to get this over with … I can't … I can't deal with a delay right now."

"Alexis," Epiphany began taking her hand, "I know it's a setback, but Dr. Fuller already decided that he would push back your next treatment. He wanted your body to strengthen before taking another treatment. This round was just extra rough on your body. Now we know why. It can't be helped. You will have to be more careful next time. Wear a mask if you're going to be around that many people or people who are sick."

"I just - can I have a minute …" She looked back toward her friend, tears streaming down her face.

"Yeah, let me check your bandages, and I'll go set up the injection system."

Alexis stayed silent, staring past Epiphany, her gaze fixed on the door to her room.

"Your port looks great. Still in place. No infection. Swelling is gone from the lumpectomy. Bruising still has a way to go. How's the pain?"

"Alexis, how would you rate your pain from 1 - 10?"

"Ah, 6."

"Where are you hurting the most?"

"My - my arm. It's still really hard to move it."

She looked down at her watch.

"You can have some more pain medicine if you need it."

Alexis nodded.

"Could I be alone now?"

Epiphany followed her gaze. She was still staring straight ahead.

"I'm not sure that's what you really want."

"What - what's that supposed to mean?" Alexis asked, wiping at her eyes.

"It means that you had a fight with Sonny, you said some things that you didn't mean because you were scared, and now you want him with you."

That got her attention.

"Did he say that? That we got in a fight?"

"Did you get in a fight?"

"Did he say that?"

"Alexis, can you hold still until I get this bandage secure?"

"Just let go of me please. I'm so tired of …" Alexis said gruffly, pushing herself up while pulling away from Epiphany. She grabbed onto the wall for support while attempting to pull her robe closed. "Just tired."

"No. He did say you had a fight. He said that you asked him to walk away."

"Fine. Well, at least he's factual."
"I have never seen two people who love each other as much as the both of you do try to fight it so intensely."

"I don't want him to watch me wither, to be in pain …"
"To die?"

"No, I didn't say that."

"You're pushing him away because you think you're not going to make it."

"I'm asking him to walk away because of his vile and violent lifestyle that is going to get him killed."

"No, you're not."

"What?"

"I don't think it has anything to do with the dangers of the coffee business." She smiled wryly. "Alexis, are you testing, Sonny?"

"Testing him?"

"To see if he'll really stay."

"It cannot work between us."

"Do you love him?"

"I - I …"

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Then let yourself love him. Life is too short not to be with someone because you're afraid they could die. We're all going to die, Alexis. Even those of us without cancer or a dangerous career. I mean you thought he was going to die 20 years ago when you worked for him the first time. And look at the man, he can't even catch the stomach flu. You became more than friends - how many years ago? How old is Kristina now? Have you ever stopped loving him during that time?"
"No."

"Then trust him."

Alexis opened her mouth to speak. Then, closed it.

"I miss Diane."

Epiphany laughed.

"Diane didn't just work a 12 hour shift and counting."

"Fine. Let's do this. I want to go to bed."

"What's going on?" Sonny walked into the room, noticed Alexis flushed face, and her cheeks damp from tears.

"You could've knocked."

"I wasn't sure if you would let me in."

"Smart man." Epiphany said, pulling the things she needed from her bag and setting them out on the table.

Alexis rolled her eyes.

She watched as Epiphany emptied the syringe of medicine into the device that was about to be secured to her stomach.

Alexis lifted a shaking hand and Sonny took the opportunity to hold it in his.

"Hey."

He gently guided her chin until her eyes met his.

"Hey."

"I thought you were going home," she said, covering her mouth to choke down a sob.

He pulled her to him. Alexis stiffened at his touch but was pliable. She began to shake harder with the force of her tears. Sonny folded her into his chest.

"Please, please don't walk away." She said, her cries muffled.

Sonny kissed the top of her head.

"I never ever listen to anything you say, beautiful."

"Dr. Fuller is pushing back my treatment. After all this …"

"I'm so sorry." He said, squeezing her tightly before pulling back. "I know it feels like a step back …

"I just want it to be over."

"What can I do to help?"

It was Epiphany who answered.

She stacked some pillows against the wall behind the bed.

"Sit down."

He took Alexis' hand and led her over with him.

"There you go." She helped Alexis sit down, leaning her back against Sonny's chest.

Alexis continued to cry softly.

"Hold her hands."

Sonny wrapped his arms around Alexis holding one hand on each side. He kissed her cheek.

Epiphany untied Alexis' robe and began to wipe her stomach with an alcohol swab.

Alexis turned her head to the side, closing her eyes shut tight.

"I don't want any of this. Please don't. I just need to be left alone. Please. Please stop." She felt like a small child at the doctor, but she didn't care. She just wanted it all to go away.

"Breathe, Lex. You can do this." Sonny whispered in her ear even though he wasn't even sure what the device was for.

"Sonny, let go of my hands."

Epiphany shook her head.

"Alexis, I'm placing it now." She told her pressing down on the tape. "I need you to be as still as you can."

Alexis continued to squirm, restlessly.

"I know that you haven't slept for more than a few hours, you're sick, and I've had to poke you with needles way more than you like, but let's get through this and I can place the IV for the fluids and give you something to sleep.

Alexis nodded. Her eyes still closed. Tears still streaming down her face.

Sonny sighed. He wished he could take this all away from her. He felt her hands tighten on his as the device began to beep.

"When the light turns green, they'll be a pinch …"

Sonny looked up at Epiphany as she nodded. He closed his own eyes as he heard a loud click and felt Alexis jerk in his arms.

"What, what was that?" He asked as Alexis turned on her side and curled up in his arms.

He rubbed her back as Epiphany explained.

"After every chemo treatment we give the patient a medicine that helps raise their white blood count to lower the risk of infection. Alexis missed hers this week. Sometimes the medicine is given in a single injection 24 hours after chemo. Sometimes in an on body device like this one. It released a small needle and in 27 hours it will begin releasing an even dose of the medication."

Sonny felt himself cringe.

"It's almost like when you get your finger pricked to have your blood drawn. It's just that her body has been through so much in the last few days."

He ran his hand through Alexis' hair, trying to comfort her. He felt her relaxing somet. She remained silent.

"And the chemo? When will they start back with it?"

"Right now, Dr. Fuller wants to skip next week's dose to give her body time to heal and become stronger. He wants to meet with her Monday morning to talk about some test results and go over the new treatment plan."

"She's still pretty warm. Did she have a fever?"

"Close, 99.8."

"What happens now?"

"She needs fluids. I'm going to give her something to calm her before the IV. I think she'd feel a lot better if she could get some quality sleep."

Sonny laid down beside Alexis who still hadn't said a word. He pillowed her head onto his chest, and pulled the blankets over them.

His arms were around her in an embrace as Epiphany pulled the IV pole and medicine near the bed. She reached down to take Alexis hand and as expected Alexis pulled away.

When Epiphany spoke her voice was soft, she sat down next to her friend smoothing a hand over her hair.

"Alexis, it's just a little gel numbing gel. I'm going to let it do its thing while you take this medicine." She helped Alexis sit up some so she could swallow the pills.

"I'm giving you a little something to help calm your nerves."

"I didn't know you could fit a paper back in such a small cup." Alexis gave him a small smirk as she looked back at him.

"Also, your nausea pill, pain pill, and a sleeping pill."

"Quite the cocktail," Alexis said horsley as she shot the medicine back following it with a small sip of water.

"Alright, I want you to close your eyes. Just relax. You shouldn't feel anything. God knows, you and Sonny deserve a restful night's sleep."
Alexis did what she was told. Leaving the hand Epiphany needed for the IV on top of the covers. She kissed Sonny lightly on the lips and snuggled into the crook of his neck.

"Lex, Jason and I have been talking about some major changes in the business for a while now." He whispered. "Changes that would make things safer for him and me. You and I can discuss the details later. I want you to be able to relax. Stop worrying. I can take care of that for you. Let me do the worrying. Just - just please trust me."

He thought she might be asleep, but he heard her whisper close to his ear.

"I can. I can do that."

Epiphany smiled as she threw away her gloves and closed the door.

Only sweet dreams tonight, my friends.