Edwards POV, set during new moon after he leaves Bella. I've recently been obsessed with the Twilight Musical 'Dusk: A Bite-Size Love Story' (@dusk_musical on tiktok) and felt inspired to write. It's been a while, so I'm a little rusty when it comes to writing, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Thank you for reading, and please leave a review if you can as I really enjoy reading them :)
--
I couldn't banish the image from my head. Bella stumbling around, shouting my name, tears staining her delicate cheeks. She had never seemed so vulnerable and exposed, yet a fierce fire burned behind her soft eyes, determined and unwilling to let go.
I was the monster who had done this to her.
I was somewhat grateful that I had only seen this sight through Alice's pre-determined visions, although knowing what it would do to her had made the task at hand even harder than I'd imagined. Regardless, it would have been too painful to experience in person. Seeing Bella in this much pain within such close proximity would have broken me and made me forget my intentions. I would have been at her feet in mere moments, apologising and begging for forgiveness, desperate to regain her trust… or at least this was the excuse I clung to. I essentially knew that abandoning her in the forest was a selfish act that played into my own interests rather than hers. Maybe I should have stayed to watch the destruction I caused, adding to my justified punishment. At the very least I perhaps should have made sure she got home safely. Would she be ok in the forest? I pondered for a second, questioning what could be more dangerous to her than myself, but drew a blank. She was safer without me. Nonetheless, I found comfort in the knowledge that Alice would keep a tight watch over her.
The image burned brighter in my mind, dulling every other sense. As an immortal, I thought that I was free from the chains of physical pain, but horror, regret and torment sliced through me like a knife, tearing me apart from the inside out. I had known this task would be immensely painful, but already, minutes later, the suffering had surpassed my expectations. My arms ached to cradle her to my chest, warm against me, her heartbeats counting every blissful moment. Could I leave her like this? 'Yes', I told myself, 'I have to… for her.'
I started running faster, darting through the trees, in a desperate attempt to escape my mental persecution, but it was no use. I knew this was only the beginning, and each day I would delve deeper into this unthinkable torture. I was glad of it; I was more than deserving. However did my family deserve this agony too?
I had heard the despair and worry in their minds, and whilst it did not compare to the torment I was now suffering through, knowing I was the reason behind their sorrow was only adding to my stack of guilt. I loved my family, but my heart would always belong to Bella, and I had essentially just forced her to bury it, causing a wave of destruction and creating countless casualties. I thought back to the moment when I had begrudgingly asked them for this final favour:
...
I walked through the open door, unsurprised to find my family gathered in the large living room and waiting for me. After the evening's events, this was expected. Esme had already put away the balloons and candles, sensing that all means for celebration was over. Her and the others had all changed out of their macabre formal wear and into something more casual.
I didn't need to read her thoughts to know Alice knew what was coming. Her eyes gave away a look of both betrayal and understanding, yet for my benefit she had kept my plans to herself, allowing me to break the news myself.
"Edward," Carlisle spoke calmly, "come sit with us." He gestured to the empty couch beside him, inviting me but in a melancholy manner. I took a seat, attempting to block out my family's thoughts.
'My poor Edward', Esme thought, 'It's been a difficult night.'
'I'm sorry Edward, it was all too fast, I didn't have time to see.' Alice mentally apologised, 'Please don't leave - It won't happen again. Jaz didn't mean to lose control, he hasn't stopped beating himself up about it.'
I could see that. Jasper couldn't bring himself to meet my eye contact, instead looking down at his feet in shame. He felt the anguish expelling from me, drowning him in guilt, but was shocked to feel no anger aimed towards him. 'Is she okay?' He asked, a little hesitant to hear the answer. 'I'm so very sorry Edward.'
'Jeez… he looks rough- it's all okay now though, kid needs to learn how to relax.' Emmet thought, unbothered.
Rose held no sympathy for me. 'I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you all - humans do not belong in our world, Edward! I'm surprised it took this long for Jasper to take a snap, you know more than anyone how difficult it is for him to have her nearby.' She was right of course.
"How is Bella?" Carlisle asked, once I was positioned.
"She's sleeping" I answered, bluntly. If she were here, she would have insisted she was 'ok' but that wasn't true. She had almost died tonight, and not just by the hands of Jasper. When I had smelled her freshly spilt blood, I myself wrestled with the monster in my head, walking a tightrope between protecting her and killing her myself.
"Rest will do her good" he nodded. "Shall we talk about what happened?" I had already spoken briefly with Jasper earlier in the evening, and I knew nothing I could say would ease his guilt. Nonetheless, I owed the rest of my family an explanation…
"It was my fault" I confessed. "I shouldn't have brought her here…"
'You think?' Rose hissed internally.
"Bella is always welcome here, Edward." Esme interrupted "That hasn't changed".
"No, but it should" I spat.
"What do you mean?" Carlisle puzzled.
I hadn't intended to cut to the chase quite so soon, but there was no point in delaying it. 'Please, Edward, stay!' Alice mentally begged, though she knew her pleading wouldn't change anything now. I turned to look at her, watching her expression drop.
"I'm sorry" I whispered to her.
"It's fine, Edward. All's well that ends well, right?" Emmet chirped, misunderstanding the meaning behind my words. The room grew quiet as everyone awaited my response. Alice remained hard as stone, waiting for the inevitable.
"No Emmet." I sighed. "It will never 'end well'. How many times has she almost died because of me? Every moment we are together I am putting her life in danger and I…" I closed my eyes, unwilling to meet my family's gaze, "I can't do that to her anymore."
More silence as they all replayed my sentence in their heads, trying to make sense of it.
"So, what's you intention?" Rosalie laughed, mockingly "It's not like you're going to leave her."
"Yes. I am." My voice was heavy, decided. They hadn't expected this, they were all convinced that leaving her was beyond my capabilities. Only Alice, and now Jasper, knew the extent I was willing to go to to maintain this vow- Alice could see it, and Jasper could feel it.
'Stop joking around.' Emmet's eyes were rolling.
"Edward, it's been a long night," Esme cooed, "I understand the difficulties being with Bella brings, but she makes you so happy. It will all be okay"
I didn't respond. In one respect Esme was right: Bella had introduced a euphoric joy that had given me meaning to my existence, without her my world was pointless.
"Give it time, Edward" Carlisle agreed.
"He's already decided." Alice whispered inpatient and defeated, her eyes were glazed over, envisioning my future. I saw a picture of myself sat amid a snowy landscape, eyes closed as if waiting to be buried by the falling snowflakes. If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought this were the image of a dead man. "He leaves Forks in three days".
'What?!' Emmet roared, while Jasper simultaneously thought: 'So soon?' Carlisle nodded again, considering my decision, though by no means glad of it.
Three days? I had intended to leave sooner than this, was I intent on prolonging my time with Bella? Yes, I realised, I would always want to prolong my time with her, but I needed to be strict with myself. Three more days may weaken me, make me loose sight of what was needed to be done.
Alice saw where my thoughts were leading me and quickly shut me down: 'Edward, it is going to take a few days to get everything organised. Carlisle will need to notify the hospital, and we'll need to arrange school transfers. Besides, it will be good to stick around a few extra days to make sure Bella's injuries are healing properly.' Alice was determined to keep me around as long as she could, and as much as I hated to admit it, her excuses were valid.
Esme's mental screams grew louder and louder until she at least could not contain them.
"Please, Edward" she begged. "Stay and think this through."
I remained silent. It was Alice who continued to explain. "He has been thinking it through." She began. "I've seen flashes of this outcome for months now - ever since Arizona, but he's never been able to commit to it before. Tonight's events seem to have solidified his decision." Her voice was black, filled with sorrow and regret.
I knew that Alice had seen this possibility before, but it was an unspoken topic. She preferred to pretend that she hadn't seen me leaving, convinced that it was an option I'd never have the strength to choose, and avoided discussion on the topic in hopes it would keep my mind away from considering it further. She now wished that she had approached the issue and put me off it sooner, but she had no idea if it would have worked- Alice could only see the future based of present decisions, not past. I doubted it would have worked anyway.
"Does Bella know?" Emmet asked. I could hear a few of the others were also wondering this.
"No." I answered, blunt again.
"I don't think she's going to agree to this, Edward." He responded.
"It's not her choice." I gritted through my teeth.
More silence while my family considered this. Carlisle's mind flooded with images of mine and Bella's separation last May when she had to escape with Alice and Jasper. He replayed the sadness and worry in her eyes. 'How will she take this?' He worried. I cringed away from the thought. I couldn't think about this right now.
For once, Rosalie was also worried for Bella's wellbeing. 'This will destroy her.' She thought, forgetting for a second I could hear her. Rose's worry quickly dissolved and turned into rage. 'I knew he'd break her one way or another.'
"Do you think I don't know that?!" I roared at her. "Do you think I want this? That I want to hurt her? I despise myself for it! She is everything to me, Rose. I love her more than I can comprehend, and for a time, yes, I foolishly thought I could be with her, but you were right: I can't. Not like this. I cannot allow her to repeatedly put her life on the line to be with me. At any moment, I could kill her: misjudge my strength or -God forbid- lose control of my thirst… and it terrifies me. You saw what happened tonight, a human is not safe in this world. But I refuse to take away her humanity and steal her soul just so I can spare myself the suffering of an existence without her. She deserves so much better than that, so much better than me. And so I'm left with no other choice. If I have to hurt her to save her, then I will."
I put my face in my hands and tried to tune out my family's thoughts, embarrassed to hear their reactions to my confession of cruelty and weakness. Would they understand?
After a long pause, Esme finally whispered "We'll come with you."
"No," I shouted, quickly trying to control my voice. "No. Thank you, but I… I need to be alone."
Carlisle was at my side in an instant, his hand on my shoulder. "We understand."
"I don't understand. You want us to stay here? I thought you wanted Bella away from our world?" Jasper hadn't missed a beat. I lifted my head from my palms and looked over to Jasper and Alice.
"We're leaving too. Just not with Edward." Alice sighed, filling the others in on the rest of my plan.
"What?!" Rosalie howled, "Why should we suffer the consequences of your mistakes?! We were finally settled and-"
"Rosalie, please." Carlisle interrupted.
"I know it's unfair of me to ask this of you." I apologised. "But I want her to live as if we never existed, to have a chance at a normal, human life. I don't see how that is possible with you all here."
I truly did hate having to ask this of my family. Since Bella's arrival in Forks, I had unintentionally become the focus of my family's attention, and changed every aspect of our lives. I had not only asked them to accept this girl, but make sacrifices and put themselves in danger in order to protect her. I had invited her into our home time and time again, despite the uncomfortable thirst her blood had occasionally caused my family. I had asked them to watch over her whenever I needed to hunt, be it hours or days. They had tolerated my odd mood swings and regular absences as I fled to be with her. They had learned to cook and educated themselves on human behaviour. They had done so much to ensure my happiness. Besides Rosalie, they had not complained once- they knew how much I loved her, and they had grown to love her too. I was now asking them to leave the girl they loved, and abandon their life to start again, an unreasonable but necessary request.
'How dare he demand that we-' I blocked out Rose as best I could, knowing that whatever she was thinking, she was probably right. I instead looked at Carlisle, eyes pleading. He and Esme exchanged a long glance, then he nodded and turned to me.
"We'll start making arrangements in the morning." He promised.
...
I slowed my running as I approached the house. Empty already, it no longer a home, but a ghostly place swimming in memories I treasured, but endeavoured to forget. Esme stood on the front steps, Carlisle just behind her, his arm wrapped around her waist in an attempt to comfort her. The others were absent, I didn't know why - hunting, or relocating our belongings I guessed? I didn't care enough to dig through my parents minds to find out.
"Edward," she whispered, though she didn't know what to say. 'He really left her' she thought, heart sinking.
I looked at her distraught face, but my gaze wondered through her, searching for answers to questions I hadn't had time to form yet.
'He's already so… broken. How will he survive without her?' Carlisle worried. This question, I did know the answer for: I couldn't.
"Won't you even consider coming with us?" Esme pleaded.
"I can't, Esme. I'm sorry." I said, barely audible, even to their ears.
Esme flashed over to me in a second and placed her right hand on my cheek. "You will get through this." She swore, though I could tell by her thoughts that she wasn't convinced this would be the case. She reached up onto her toes and kissed me on the forehead.
Carlisle appeared at my side and placed his hand on my shoulder. "You are stronger than you think." Unlike Esme, he truly believed every word he spoke.
"I wish that were true." I said, sinking further into my self-hatred. I took a step back and their hands fell into place at their sides.
"Are you leaving now?" Esme asked. I nodded. 'The others will be back soon, stay until they return?' She begged, although she didn't have enough confidence in my reply to ask the question aloud.
"I need to leave... Now." I explained. I needed to escape Forks, everything here reminded me of her. The trees we had once climbed together mocked me and the sound of the river I knew she loved so much seemed to scream her name. My clothes I wore were still swimming in her scent, making my heart ache- though I wanted to endure this hurt, a final memento to make me feel like I was still with her for a while.
Esme and Carlisle understood without prompting. "Don't leave us for too long," Esme ordered, "stay in touch."
"Thank you for everything… I am truly sorry." I expressed, ashamed.
"You have nothing to apologise for, son" Carlisle whispered. He was wrong.
With this knowledge, I turned my back on my loving parents and ran into the thick forest to begin my everlasting torture.