"Hey kid, you hungry?"
Peter Parker looked up from the laptop he had been staring at for the past four hours and was about to respond when Tony Stark responded for him.
"Of course you are, you're a teenage boy. Let's get some pizza."
"Sure," said Peter. "I'll call down to the cafeteria-"
Tony cut him off with a wave of his hand.
"No, I mean let's go get pizza."
"But wouldn't it be faster to-"
"It'll be good to stretch our legs. C'mon."
Peter stared at him blankly. In all the time he had spent with Tony Stark, the man had never once expressed a desire to "stretch his legs". He had also never eaten a meal that was not either prepared by a personal chef or served at a Michelin starred restaurant.
Well, except for the shawarma that one time. But that was a special case.
Of course, he didn't say any of this. He just followed Tony to the elevator.
"Couldn't we just have it delivered, Mr. Stark?" Peter asked as the elevator doors closed.
"Not allowed. Security protocol."
Peter nodded. "So where are we going?"
"New York Sal's Pizza on…" He checked his phone. "East 43rd."
They stepped outside of Avengers Tower and Tony regarded the throngs of pedestrians with a furrowed brow.
"Wow, this place is really busy, huh?" he said.
Peter looked at him in disbelief. "You mean…New York City?"
"Yeah."
Peter realized that he had also never seen Mr. Stark walk or drive himself anywhere in the city. He was driven, and he worked on his laptop when they were in traffic.
"Hey, that's Tony Stark!"
"Who's that dorky kid with him?"
The flow of pedestrians stopped as people pulled out their phones and began taking pictures.
"Should we go back inside?" Peter asked.
"Uh, no. Hey, can I have your hat?" he asked a man who was taking a picture.
Stunned, the man handed over his hat, which read, "Thanos for President".
"Thanks." Tony leaned in so the man could take a selfie with him. Then he pulled the hat down over his face and darted into the crowd, with Peter in pursuit as the man shouted, "Tony Stark's wearing my hat!"
Tony had a head start, but Peter's spidey-sense allowed him to melt through the crowd and catch up with him. Tony was hunched over, looking at walking directions on his phone.
"Ok, it should be…here!" He pointed at the entrance to the subway.
"We're taking the subway?" Peter said. This was getting stranger and stranger. He was beginning to worry that Mr. Stark was under alien mind control.
They went down the stairs and got in line to pay their fare.
"Mr. Stark, why are we going to all this trouble? Heck, I could have just webslung over and got the pizza myself."
"Variety is the spice of life kid. Well, variety and a really good martini. C'mon."
"Does it always smell like this?" Tony gasped.
"You get used to it after a while." Peter said with a shrug. They were crammed shoulder to shoulder into the subway car. Tony had his hat pulled down over his face and his shirt pulled up over his nose.
A staticy voice said something incomprehensible over the intercom.
"What the hell did they just say?" Tony said.
"No one really knows." Peter replied. "Probably something about which stop is coming up."
Tony stared in disbelief. "Don't we need to know that?"
"Don't worry, I know how many stops we have left."
"This is no way to run a mass transit system. I'm gonna talk to the mayor about this the next time we have lunch."
Peter dearly wished he could see the look on the mayor's face when this happened.
"Why are we getting dirty looks?" Tony muttered to Peter as they waited in line at Sal's.
"Probably because of your hat." Peter whispered back.
"What's wrong with the hat?"
"It says 'Thanos for President'".
"Ah. Well, that's unfortunate."
"Yeah. My spider sense is tingling."
Tony gave him a confused look.
Peter sighed. "It's a feeling I get when there's danger."
"Everyone gets that. It's called goosebumps."
"No, this is something else. It's…a superpower, I guess."
"Spiders can't sense danger."
"So?"
"So, all your powers are spider based."
"That's not really the point-"
"And you call it a tingle? We need to work on your branding."
It was now their turn to order. The man in the takeout window also glared at them as they approached.
"I apologize for my hat. It's a loaner." Tony said with an apologetic shrug. "Personally, I think Thanos is an asshole. Can I get a small cheese pizza please, as well as a large one with pepperoni and mushrooms? If you're thinking of spitting in one because of the hat, spit in the large, that one's for me."
"Who else are we getting pizza for?" Peter asked, confused. Tony didn't answer.
When their pizza arrived, the order taker opened the larger box and spit in it.
"Have a nice day." he said before walking away.
"Nice guy." Tony said. He shoved the large pizza in the nearest trash can before walking away.
Peter followed him, his stomach grumbling.
"Mr. Stark, what's going on?" Peter asked as they got in the elevator at Avengers Tower.
"How about 'activated'? 'My spider sense has activated'? What do you think of that? Too corny? Yeah, that's too corny." Tony said as he pressed the button for the CEO suite and placed his thumb on a fingerprint scanner.
"Why are we going to see Miss Potts?"
"You ever been in love, kid?"
"Uhh, yeah."
"Makes you do crazy things, doesn't it?"
"Yeah." Peter said, nodding.
The elevator stopped, and the doors opened directly into Pepper's office. Pepper was sitting at her desk, hard at work. She looked up when they entered.
"Your pizza, milady." Tony said, placing the pizza on her desk.
Pepper smiled. "I thought we agreed no help?" she said, tilting her head toward Peter.
"He was there in a moral support capacity." Tony said. "And as a witness."
"I see." Pepper said in a skeptical tone as she took a bite of pizza.
"Guys, could someone please tell me what's going on?" Peter asked.
"I made Tony a bet that he couldn't get me a pizza from Sals like a normal person. In other words walking, taking the subway, and standing in line."
Peter's stomach grumbled again.
"Didn't you get anything for him?" Pepper asked.
"I ordered another pizza, but it was contaminated."
Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Contaminated how?"
"By saliva."
Pepper sighed and pushed the box forward toward Peter, who grabbed a slice. Tony reached toward the box, but she slapped his wrist.
"Peter, did he tell anyone who he was?" Pepper asked.
"Uh, no Miss Potts."
"Did you help him at all?"
"Uhhh…well, I told him when to get off the subway."
"Hmm. Acceptable." Pepper said with a small grin at Tony.
"So…that's it? I win?" Tony said cautiously.
"You win." said Pepper, finishing a slice and wiping the grease off her hands with a napkin.
"What do you win?" Peter asked.
"Five bucks." said Tony as Pepper handed him a five dollar bill from her purse.
"This doesn't look right." said Tony, looking at the bill in confusion.
"They changed the design." Pepper said patiently.
"Oh."
"About twenty five years ago."
"Ah. Guess it's been a while since I've seen one of these." Tony said, tucking the bill in the breast pocket of his shirt.
"We did all that for five bucks?" Peter said in disbelief.
"Of course not," said Tony. "I also get to say that I won."
"Which he will." said Pepper with a sigh.
Tony nodded. "I already put it on the agenda for the next board meeting."
Pepper sighed. "Maybe now you'll feel confident enough to cook me dinner."
"What'd'ya think, Leave it to Beaver?" said Tony, turning to Peter. "You up for it?"
"I…uh…I really don't know that much about cooking Mr. Stark."
Tony put his arm around Peter's shoulders and began to lead him out of the room.
"Kid, you ever plan an anniversary?"