Set during Nemo Krusty finds out he never had a Bar Mitzvah so he's not technically an adult Jew. He begs his father Rabbi Krustofski to give him a bar mitzvah as that's stopping him getting his star on the Jewish walk of fame.
Guest starring Mr T! I pity da fool!
Plot
The Bart Chalk Board Gag is "Forty years old and Still a virgin is not funny."
The couch gag is the Simpsons in the Bat cave as Batman characters. Homer is Batman and Bart is Robin. They swing down poles to sit on the couch.
There is Mexican music playing for no explicable reason! Inside the Simpsons house Homer is waking up to go to the bathroom that morning. For some reason he is trying to use the kids bathroom but there is a line as everyone is waiting to use it. "Uh?" Homer asked. "What's going on?"
"Well whoever's in the bathroom is taking their sweet time." said Bart annoyed.
"Awwww! Homer whined. "Can I cut in front?"
"No." said Bart.
"Can I cut in front of Lisa?" Homer asked.
"Sure. Not my problem." said Bart.
Homer did so.
"Hey!" Lisa whined. Then she realised something. "Hang on a minute! If we're all out here, who's in there?!"
Marge did a head count. Herself, Homer, Bart, Lisa, Hugo (Doing a peepee dance) and Oscar looking relaxed and serene and sighing. Marge gasped. "Maggie's locked in there?!"
Maggie was locked in the bathroom playing with a red ball and giggling.
"Don't worry, I'll get the door open!" said Homer taking a coat hanger and unfolding it into a straight wire to lockpick the toilet door. However he failed and nearly poked Maggie in the eye, took her pacifier until she got it back and then knocked the medicine cupboard open. Medicines and scissors and shampoo spilt everywhere. Pink shampoo poured out from under the door. Homer got some on his finger.
"Aaaagh! Baby blood!" said Homer being stupid. "Boy, we need a battering ram!"
They chose Homer to be the battering ram. Homer groaned and went D'oh! As they rammed his head into the door. However it wouldn't budge. "You call that hitting it hard?!"
Lisa got the door open with the coat hanger.
"How did you do that?!" Marge asked as Lisa passed Maggie to her.
"I just used the coat hanger trick. I don't understand why we never try things more than once!" said Lisa.
Suddenly the doorbell rang.
"Ah the door?! Now I'll never get to pee!" Homer whined.
Hugo groaned as he clutched his groin to stop himself from wetting himself.
Oscar was relieved. "Poor Hugo. I already went in my diaper."
"Eeeew!" said Bart.
...
They went down stairs to answer the door. Dr Hibbert was at the door.
"Dr Hibbert?!" Marge asked. Is somebody sick?"
"Ehehehehe! I wish. No I'm here because of Bob Poochioni over there!" said Dr Hibbert pointing angrily at Santa's Little Helper who whined. "Two months ago Santa's Little Helper paid a booty call to my purebred poodle Rosa Barks! A Hehehehe! Geddit? Rosa Barks, Rosa Parks?" He continued explaining. "Anyway he had his eyes on her prize... I'm gonna drop the analogies now." Dr Hibbert brought out of seemingly nowhere a box full of cute little yapping poodle greyhound hybrid puppies! D'aaaaaw!
"D'aaaaaaawwww!" said the Simpsons.
"Oh I'm glad you find them cute. They're your problem now!" Dr Hibbert put the box of puppies down and left. "And keep that mutt away from my Rosa!"
"You just lost yourself a box!" said Homer holding the box of yapping puppies.
The Simpsons wondered how on Earth this could have happened.
"Wait a minute! Santa's Little Helper had puppies before with She's the Fastest! And... we had Santa's Little Helper nutured." said Lisa reading The Simpsons episode guide.
"Yes, we did. Didn't we Homer?" Marge frowned at Homer because it was his job to take Santa's Little Helper to the sterilisation clinic.
"Um well..." Homer told what happened with a story. "I was taking Santa's Little Helper on one last treat..." he took Santa's Little Helper to see a dog pornographic film for dogs and then paid a hooker for him. He went in the bushes with the hooker's dog... Yeeeuck! Meanwhile Homer went to the arcade.
The next morning Homer as promised took Santa's Little Helper to the vet to be sterilised. But couldn't resist Santa's Little Helper's sad face. "Awwww! I can't. But you have to promise me to keep your loving for the couch cushions!" Eeeeeeew!
The story ended and Homer was now strangling the dog!
"Why you! You made an oral contract! We had a deal!" Homer yelled while strangling the dog. The kids were fighting with him to make him let go of the dog.
"Homer! Stop that!" Marge pried them apart. "Kids get dressed and take these puppies to some new homes!"
Bart and Lisa got dressed and took the puppies around town to find owners for them.
"And don't just dump them on some crazy cat lady!" said Marge.
Crazy Cat Lady yelled in gibberish at them before leaving.
Oscar then annoyed the Simpsons by asking for a cichlid or Oscar fish, because they're called Oscars...
Marge sighed.
...
The kids went about town giving the puppies to people. They gave one to Willie. The puppy whimpered.
"He's an irritable, walleyed, misfit, bastard! Just like Willie." said Willie nuzzling the puppy.
"Bastard! Bastard! Bastard!" Oscar swore.
Bart sighed holding his head embarrassed.
Then one to uh Snake...
"Uh. Want a puppy?" Bart asked Snake nervously.
"No, but I have a free bullet with your name on it Little dude!" said Snake taking out his gun.
Bart and Lisa ran off screaming.
Eventually they lost him.
"How could you forget he's one of my mortal enemies?!" Bart said panting with exhaustion. "You're supposed to be the smart one!"
They then gave one to Apu.
At Krusty's mansion Krusty was watching TV while flicking through the channels before giving up and going to get a drink. His daughter Sophie was annoyed because he promised to take her to the park but was hungover.
"Hmmmm, champagne or Slim fast..." said Krusty before deciding on both. He poured a chocolate Slim Fast and Champagne together and drank the mixture. Eeeeugh! The door bell then rang.
Bart and Lisa were there with the last puppy.
"Hey Krusty, want a puppy?" said Bart. "Get them while they're still cute!"
The puppy jumped into Krusty's arms.
"Awwww! I could nuzzle you all night..." said Krusty. "Okay that's enough. I said that's enough!" he yelled at the puppy.
"Sooooo Sophie... what's with the frown?" Bart asked.
"Dad promised to take me to the park... But he's hung over..." said Sophie.
"We're going that way." said Bart.
"Oh! Can I play outside with Bart, please Dad?" said Sophie.
"Sure, just be home for when your mom picks you up. I have to do some shopping in the Jewish part of town..." said Krusty taking the puppy for a walk to the Jewish part of the ethnic quarter of town.
...
And this is where Nemo and this episode separate. While Bart and Lisa were off trying to sell puppies and dealing with the spawn of Satan.
"Ahhhh... you've dragged me down my old neighbourhood... it hasn't changed a bit..." said Krusty.
Two Russian/Checheyan men were aggressively playing chess and shouting at each other.
One said checkmate in Checheyan.
His opponent yelked and tossed the board and pieces aside violently but the subtitles suggested he enjoyed the game.
A lady was selling octopus the khlav Kalash guy was selling Khlav Kalash.
"Khlav Kalash! Khlav Kalash..."
Krusty went down the Jewish walk of fame. It's like the Hollywood stars but only awarded to Jewish celebrities.
Krusty read the names on the stars.
"Now where am I... Albert Einstein?! Alyson Hannigan?! Gwyneth Paltrow?! Maya Bignose?! What the hell?! Where's my name?! I'm a bigger star than all of these!" Krusty ranted. "Chaim Potok?! What sort of name is that?! Is he a Klingon?!"
"I will see the director of celebrity complaints about this!" said Krusty. He went to see some Jewish guy who was responsible for the Jewish walk of fame.
"Why sure we'd love to add your name to our walk of fame Krusty!" said the man. "We just need to know a few things first! First up your full name please!"
"Herschel Pinchas Yoracham Krustofski." said Krusty.
"Good. Circumcision?" asked the man. He asked if Krusty had been Circumcised.
"And then some! Hehehehe!" Krusty confirmed he had but made light of it.
"Bar Mitzvah?" the man asked if he had his bar mitzvah.
"Uuuuh... the thing is... I never had one..." said Krusty.
"No Bar mitzvah?" the man gasped. "In the eyes of the Jewish faith you are not a Jewish man! You're just a Jewish boy! Now run along home lad!"
"I'm forty five!" said Krusty running away crying.
Elsewhere Nemo flying about wearing a blue babygro was firing lasers out of his eyes at Bart and Lisa and causing fissures in the sidewalk.
"It's nit our fault Mom won't give you a rusk cookie!" Bart yelled.
"Oh I'm just doing this because I'm evil." Nemo smirked.
...
A day later Bart and Lisa found Krusty upset.
"Krusty what's wrong?" asked Lisa.
"I just found out I'm not a Jewish man! I thought I was a self hating Jew but now I am just a self hating anti semite! (Krusty sobbing)" said Krusty bursting into tears.
"Come, we have so much to talk about!" said Rainer Wolfcastle in a friendly manner as he took Krusty by the hand.
Bart and Lisa looked uncomfortable. "Well that's the last time I ever watch one of his movies..." said Bart uncomfortable with the idea of Rainer Wolfcastle being a neo Nazi.
After somehow getting Krusty back they asked what was wrong.
"I never had a bar mitzvah! So I don't coun't as a man! Instead I'm a Jewish boy with the prostate the size of a goat's head!" said Krusty.
"Omg! that means you're Peter Pan! You can never grow up!" Oscar cooed.
Bart slapped Oscar. "No it doesn't mean that ya simp!"
"You never had a bar mitzvah?!" Bart gasped.
"Well I don't remember much of my childhood apart from what I already told you over at that dinner I had at your place." said Krusty.
"None of it at all?" Bart asked.
"Well I remember learning to ride a bike... and that's it. Must be all that alcohol..." said Krusty.
"We should ask Krusty's father! He's a rabbi! He'll know why Krusty never had a bar mitzvah!"
"The sweet little Shikses is right! My father will know what to do!" said Krusty.
They took him to see his father to ask why he never had a bar mitzvah.
"Rabbi Krustovski, you're a rabbi. Can you tell us why Krusty never had a bar mitzvah." asked Lisa.
"Why yes. Because he was always joking around and goofing off! I was afraid you'd make a mockery of it, like you're doing to me right now!" said Rabbi Krustovski. Krusty was running about pulling faces behind his Dad's back while he spoke to Lisa.
Okay I'll knock it off with the jokes, the shenanigans... please Dad just give me a bar mitzvah." Krusty begged his Dad.
"Okay, but since you're legally still just a boy you must live under my roof, not on it! Ay fiddlers on roofs... and abide by my rules!" said Rabbi Krustovski.
Krusty sighed.
...
At home Lisa was discussing with her dad Krusty's dilemma. "Dad, you ever wish you could go back in time and change things?" Lisa asked Homer.
"All the time sweetie! Why last week..." Homer imagined himself traveling back to the night Lincoln got assassinated at the Ford theatre by John Wilkes Booth.
John was about to shoot Lincoln.
"Look out Mr Preident!" Homer karate chopped John Wilkes Booth knocking him out.
"Thank you sir! However can I repay you?!" said Lincoln shaking Homer's hand.
"I'm just doing my duty as a fellow American!" said Homer.
The day dream ended.
"Uh... okay..." Lisa sighed. "Anything other than saving Lincoln..."
"Saving Kennedy?" Homer asked. His next dream followed on from the last. Lee Harvey Oswald was in a factory at the window about to snipe Kennedy. Homer and Abraham Lincoln ambushed him.
"You hit high and I hit him low!" They beat up Lee Harvey Oswald.
"Dad! No! You can't go back in time and save murdered presidents!" Lisa whined.
"Oh yes we can!" said Bart carrying the time machine beatbox from Treehouse of Horror XIII.
"Woohoo!" said Homer.
"Bart no!" Lisa explained but they both went off in time somewhere. Probably to save Lincoln and Kennedy...
Meanwhile Hugo watched Krusty the clown. Krusty explains under all his make up he is a Jewish man and intends to practice his faith openly to educate his fans on being Jewish.
"Through animation!" said Krusty excited.
Itchy And Scratchy came on.
Scratchy as a Rabbi was circumcising a baby Itchy. Baby Itchy grabbed the scalpel and sliced scratchy's ears off and shoved him in an oven. Um that's inappropriate...
Jurkle frowned offended.
Then he blew glass with Scratchy inside into a small goblet with eyes. The goblet blinked.
Betsy the slingshot blinked and frowned.
Baby Itchy then wrapped up the goblet in a cloth and stamped on it. He said something in Hebrew.
"And that's what I believe in." said Krusty.
Plot 2
Meanwhile the A Team were trying to get Mr T on the plane at Springfield airport.
"I ain't getting on no plane sucka!" Mr T argued and ran off down the plane access stairs. Unfortunately you see, he is another of the crazy celebrities from Steaks on a Plane! and Al Goreism!
Murdoch and the others sighed as they ran after him.
"B.A..." They sighed.
Elsewhere Krusty was being told about what foods were allowed under the Jewish faith despite knowing that already.
"Never mix meat and dairy products! On Christmas Day always have Chinese food!" said Rabbi Krustofski. "And never, ever eat pork!"
"Cooooool! can I have Christmas dinner at yours Rabbi Krustofski?" said Oscar eagerly.
"Sure why not?" said Rabbi Krustofski.
"Oscar what's wrong with Mom's roast dinners?" Lisa asked.
"Everything! I hate healthy food! Yeeeuck!" said Oscar.
Lisa sighed.
"Now where was I? ah and never ever eat pork!" said Rabbi Krustofski.
"Yes I know that Dad... now why in shmeckles am I like this?! Am I a kid again?!" asked Krusty realising someone age regressed him.
"Yes because I thought it made sense since you haven't had your bar mitzvah yet..." said Oscar holding an age regression zapper.
"That reminds me! No clowns in my house!" said Rabbi Krustofski as he confiscated Krusty's red clown nose.
"But that's my job! And I keep my secret cocaine stash in that nose!" said Krusty.
Rabbi Krustofski was furious about that.
"Uh, pretend you didn't hear that..." said kid Krusty.
Meanwhile the Simpsons were dealing with Nemo who turned out to be the Antichrist. Stan Smith from American Dad, Ned and Lovejoy were trying to kill him.
Oscar was triggered by Steve Smith's outfit of an orange shirt and a red jacket.
"Stop copying Quiffy!" Oscar yelled.
Quiffy winced.
...
In another timeline the Simpsons were dealing with Homer and Bart saving Lincoln and Kennedy. Crocodiles ruled the earth! There were crocodile men everywhere holding them hostage at spear point.
"See this is what happens when you screw about with time Dad..." said Lisa.
"I think this is cool..." said Oscar.
Hugo grimaced at him.
Meanwhile Rabbi Krustofski strangled kid Krusty.
"I'll teach you to make a mockery of the Dead Sea Scrolls!"
Kid Krusty made choking sounds.
Later Oscar went round to see kid Krusty/Herschel. He arrived eating chow Main with chopsticks from a card takeaway box. In England we have tin foil containers and Tupperware boxes...
"Child why are you eating Jewish Christmas dinner at this time of year?" Rabbi Krustofski asked him.
"I like Chinese food." said Oscar slurping up noodles. "So where's Herschel?"
"He's in the living room playing with his dreidel." said Rabbi Krustofski.
Oscar found Kid Krusty playing with a dreidel while singing dreidel! Dreidel! I made you out of clay.
"Dreidel! Dreidel! Dreidel! I made you out of clay!" Krusty as a child sang.
"Krusty what ya doin?' Oscar asked.
"Playing with my dreidel." said Krusty. "It's really fun! Wanna play?"
"Uh no. I don't see what's so fun about a tiny little spinning top made of clay. Especially now video games are a thing." said Oscar. "These are the new toy that's gonna make your dreidel boring." He took out a beyblade and its launcher.
"What is that?" Krusty asked.
"It's a beyblade. A fighting spinning top from that new anime cartoon that's on TV." said Oscar.
"Uh... Papa doesn't allow me to watch TV..." said Krusty.
Oscar winced. "How very sad..."
Krusty sighed. "Papa can there be a cotton candy machine and a make your own sundae bar at my bar mitzvah?"
"No! Why do you need those?!" Rabbi Krustofski yelled.
"As the godlike narrator I say he needs them! Or I'll hold my breath for a million years!" Oscar held his breath...
...
Because Krusty had been age regressed until his bar Mitzvah someone else had to run his show for him. That someone was Homer!
"Woohoo!" Homer cheered.
Homer turned it into a talk show where Homer did a What really grinds my gears thing. First off he "How comes they don't make chairs for the regular sized guy! Look! My butt is stuck in this chair! Nnnnnngh!"
"Lose some weight then... fatso..." said a camera man.
But Homer's talk drew support from fatties everywhere!
"Tch! Couldn't agree more! Never go on the tea cups at Disney after eating at Beauty and the Beast Fried Dough Chateau..." said Comic Book Guy with a giant pink tea cup stuck to his butt.
The morbidly obese guy from the couch gag nodded while sat on the Simpsons couch.
"And Oldies music that some stations play. Hey geniuses! How about writing some new oldies!" said Carl.
"Because then they wouldn't be oldies... Jack ass..." the camera man groaned.
Carl stirred up nonsensical support from town idiots like Cleatus who demanded eighties and seventies music be brought back into style as that was probably what Carl meant.
"Well My parents don't like rap music so I listen to the Beach Boys..." said Jurkle, Oscar's Jewish friend.
Bart winced.
Meanwhile kid Krusty was speaking in Hebrew as he read from the Torah.
"Well done son! You just earned yourself a Dr. Brown's!" said Rabbi Krustofski tossing kid Krusty a can of fizzy pop called Dr. Brown's.
"Great Scott!" Oscar yelled astonished.
Kid Krusty throttled him for being stupid.
Then some executives had some news.
"Oh god! You're cancelling me!" Krusty cried.
"Um no we..." said an executive.
"You're not doing it fast enough! You're fired!" A lady executive fired the douche bag beard guy.
He cried and Krusty cried and hugged him. It was a sad ending to this scene... (Sobs).
"And the SJWs don't rule the world yet, so no one can cancel you..." said the lady executive.
...
"I eat Legos!" said Ralph eating Lego.
"What about Duplo?" Oscar asked.
"Only on Tuesdays." said Ralph.
"Back to the acid mines!" The crocodile men who now ruled the Earth barked sending Oscar back on the acid mines. Apparently saving Kennedy means crocodile men ruling the Earth.
Meanwhile Homer had more how comes rants that messed stuff up because he was popular and drew in the support that could make these changes.
"How comes you can't drive golf carts on the freeway?!" Homer ranted on his talk show.
"Same reason you can't ride other vehicles that are not safe on the road like go karts and dodge ems, you doofus..." the cameraman sighed.
"Someone fire that camera man..." Homer said annoyed.
And to Bart's chagrin Congress made it now legal to drive golf carts on the free way along with Dodgems etc because idiots who loved Homer's rants lobbied it so.
"And how comes it that corn dogs are so magically delicious but stamp glue is not magically delicious!" Homer rants.
"Look! I wrote boobs on a calculator! Hehehe! Boobs!" Moe chuckled.
Suddenly reality changed all that stamp glue tasted like corn dogs and corn dogs now tasted horrible.
This was the final straw. Bart could understand the super sized chairs now being sold for the fatter gentleman and maybe the golf carts on the freeway but ruining corn dogs was too much!
Oscar was at Rabbi Krustovski's house really not helping with Krusty's bar mitzvah.
"I wanna bigger lolly..." said kid Krusty he somehow dressed up as a dandy fop era child with a Goldilocks wig.
The door rang.
"I'll get it!" said Oscar.
At the door was Jurkle, his Jewish friend.
"Jurkle! What are you doing here?" Oscar asked.
"I'm here because you are not really helping Krusty. You're just goofing off and eating Chinese food." said Jurkle.
"And I said to Krusty that Beyblades are better than Dreidels...' said Oscar.
Jurkle looked like he wanted to throttle Oscar. "Oscar that is not funny! The dreidel is an important part of my culture and Krusty's! A Beyblade is just some dumb anime toy!"
"Beyblades are not dumb! You just insulted Tyson and Max and erm that sort of evil but then not evil kid with blue tribal stripes on his face." Oscar ranted.
"Ok! Chill! Your anime about spinning tops is great..." Jurkle sighed.
"Anyway... how are you handling Homer altering reality with his ridiculous demands?" Oscar asked.
"Well the corn dogs swapping what they taste like with stamp glue thing doesn't bother me because I can't eat corn dogs, they're not kosher. And oldies music becoming popular again and that hippity hop going out of fashion is actually great! I found some great wholesome tunes!" said Jurkle. He turned on his Mypod. It started playing Kokomo by The Beach Boys.
(Kokomo plays)
Oscar frowned and turned his Mypod off. "Don't ever play that again..."
...
Homer was casually browsing Quohog TV. Peter's You know what grinds my gears was on.
"You know what grinds my gears, America? Homer Simpson!" said Peter.
"That's it!" Homer stormed out and went to Quohog to punch Peter in the face.
He punched Peter. "Ow!" Homer then stormed off back home.
Meanwhile kid Krusty was called into work to set up his televised Bar Mitzvah.
"Televised?! Son I don't think that's such a good idea! Why can't you just stick to tradition and hold it in a synagogue?" Rabbi Krustofski sighed.
"How about a Demagogue?" Oscar asked. Jurkle slapped him for being stupid.
"Because Dad, I'm in showbiz now! I'm a TV clown! I have to do big crazy stunts!" said Kid Krusty having got his red clown nose back. "Ah! Here are the guest celebrities."
Mr T arrived.
"I pity da foo!" Oscar yelled.
"Shut up sucka! Have a snickers!" Mr T yelled firing snickers bars out of a rocket launcher.
Oscar winced as Snickers bars bounced off of him.
Then the Beach boys arrived.
Jurkle fainted with joy.
Then the Rapping Rabbis.
Oscar laughed.
Then Hugh Hefner.
"I think that's everyone." said Krusty.
"You forgot Hoju!" said Oscar.
"Oz no! I am not having-Aw nuts!" Krusty groaned as Hoju the homosexual Jew arrived mincing about in leather with spikes and a leather cap. He bought his entire closet with him, for his outrageously gay outfits and to 'come out of'.
"Let's get this show on the road darling." said Hoju in a camp manner.
"And a cotton candy machine..." said Oscar.
Rabbi Krustofski frowned not approving.
Kid Krusty sighed as he organised everyone.
"And Turkeys playing Ice hockey!" said Oscar.
...
Meanwhile in the holding dimension of anime characters, Tyson Granger and the Bladebreakers found out about Jurkle insulting them.
"Let's teach this punk a lesson." He made a fist and the Bladebreakers went off to beat up Jurkle. Max was eating noodles with mustard, yeeeeeuck! Ray Was being extremely Asian and coming from a race of feral cat people, or nature loving beast people. He probably likes CATS the musical. And Kai was the edgelord.
"I am not the edgelord!" Kai seethed.
At Krustylu Studios the location was being booked. Obviously Krusty was having the bar Mitzvah at Mount Splashmore.
Oscar was managing the buffet with Jurkle.
"Obviously it has to be kosher because Krusty is Jewish so we can't have that... can't have those and definitely no shrimp..." said Oscar.
"Who ordered the steamed gentile?" A clerk asked as he brought in a trolly with a platter, on top was a roasted clone of Homer from being broiled to death in a sauna.
"Mmmmmmm! Steamed gentle..." said the Homer.
"Put it over there next to the steamed yams. I really wanted to do a steamed hams gag with the food but I suddenly remembered ham is not kosher." said Oscar.
Jurkle face palmed. "We also don't practice cannibalism..."
"What about ripping out people's hearts?" Oscar asked.
"Oz that is from an Indiana Jones movie!" Jurkle groaned.
Kid Krusty was having to deal with the Clownjas. He winced as one put a red shiny rubber clown nose on his nose then another shoved a messy cream pie in his face then another turned him into a baby clad only in a diaper.
Baby Krusty winced.
"Guys I don't want another lawsuit... don't torment other people besides me..." said Oscar to the Clownjas. "Oh and Billy."
Billy from Grim Adventures saw the Clownjas. He screamed and fled.
Elsewhere Max Tate from Beyblade ate noodles with mustard. Eeeeuuugh...
"Gross..." Bart groaned watching him eat mustard covered noodles...
Max frowned at him while eating his noodles.
Bart sighed and texted Milhouse.
Plot 3
Meanwhile Lisa tried to ruin Homer's talk show by suggesting he talk about important things rather than griping about things.
"No Lisa! No! You are not ruining Dad's show with your preachy save the environment soap boxing!" Bart ranted.
Lisa scowled. "Bart do you want to be able to enjoy corn dogs again?!"
"Yes! I love corn dogs!" Bart replied.
"Then let me take down Dad! He's gone mad with power!" said Lisa as Homer had made Eggnog no longer a festive Christmas treat as it was now around all year and as common as milk.
"Mad with power eh? Maybe now he can afford that stuff that goes under carpets." said Marge.
"Mom that's underlay..." said Lisa.
...
It was the big day, Everyone who was a fan of Krusty, which was oddly everyone considering his hackneyed jokes, headed to Mount Splashmore. There was a sign on the marquee reading "Krusty's Bar mitzvah. Warning first two rows may get converted."
"Cooooool!" said Bart.
Marge sighed annoyed by changes in faith by her family members.
Sideshow Mel was up on stage making jokes about the Yiddish language. "Shalom Springfield!"
"Shalom!" said everyone including loads of Jews who simply turned up because there was a bar mitzvah.
"I can't schmear you!" said Mel.
"Shalom!" said everyone louder.
"I can't schmear you!"
"Shalom!"
Back stage Krusty was singing in Hebrew his octaves to get his voice ready. Basically it just sounded like he was hawking phlegm.
"So, who is the adorable, spunky little tyke then?" A Jewish man asked his friend in the audience.
"They're gonna be so disappointed or confused when they find out it's Krusty..." said Bart.
"Now put you hands together for the musical talent of the Beach Boys!" said Sideshow Mel as The Beach Boys we're on stage.
Kolomo played.
"mezuzah, menorah, reading from the Torah!"
"Pastrami, knishes, on two sets of dishes!"
"A church with no steeple, for all of God's chosen people!"
Jurkle was dancing really corny bad disco dancing to the song. His parents blushed thinking his taste in music, now it was even more wholesome because the lyrics were about their faith, to be cute.
"Awwww! Our little Shmegege has such a cute taste in music!" said Jurkle's Mom.
"Wasn't this song about going on vacation to the Caribbean?" Jurkle's dad asked.
"Yeah this kinda bugs me really, I know this is your faith, but this song is about my favourite thing! Long summer vacations in the Caribbean..." said Quiffy in a Hawaiian shirt drinking a coconut half drink.
"And now the man who is muscle bound and bounded to never eat mussels... Mr T!" said Sideshow Mel as Mr T was the next act.
"I pity da fool who makes me get on an airplane!" Mr T yelled. "Let's finish this Rocky! Come get some sucka!" He got out a case of hair styles and took off his Mohawk which was a cybernetic attachment to his head and attached Jewish dreadlocks. He should have a cybernetic arm cannon too... "Let's scroll!" He read from a Torah scroll.
Then Homer and Dr Hibbert were in serious trouble again because Homer was strangling Bart for something and Dr Payne arrived putting two and two together on why Bart's X rays were always coming up with broken trachea bones.
"Tight bow ties my ass! Simpson you are going to anger management class for a long time!" Wiggum arrested Homer. Because if you were a doctor and a child patient of yours kept coming in with broken trachea bones you'd alert the authorities immediately...
Homer screamed as he was taken away.
"And now for the world's largest potato pancake, that's a lot of latke!" said Sideshow Mel as a giant latke in an even larger frying pan was being fried.
The audience felt hungry.
Then the Rapping Rabbis were on next. "And now they're Shalom-tastic! And shakin and bakin! But they swore never to eat bacon! The MacDaddies of the synagogue, the Rapping Rabbis!" said Sideshow Mel as the Rapping Rabbis arrived on stage in full orthodox clothing. "Who wrote this script?!"
Oscar laughed. "Rapping Rabbis..."
Bart face palmed.
"Can't eat pork! Not even with a fork! Can't touch this!" The Rapping Rabbis sung to MC Hammer's can't touch this and pointed to a suckling pig on a plate. "Stop! Kosher time!"
"Marge are we Jewish?" Homer asked in the audience.
"No!" said Marge.
"Oh good!" He fetched out from somewhere a roasted suckling pig and carved and ate it. Jews gasped in horror and glared at him. "What?"
"Daaaaad! You are being really offensive! These people can't eat pork and you brought a suckling pig and are eating it at Krusty's Bar Mitzvah!" Bart yelled angrily at Homer.
"Oh fine! I'll go hungry then..." Homer sighed, putting the suckling pig in hammer space.
Then Mr T was manacled to a giant Menorah with pyrotechnics set up.
"I pity da fool who asked me to do this! Oh wait, it's for Krusty's Bar Mitzvah! Hava Nagila!" said Mr T.
"Now let's take Mr T for a, spin!" Krusty quipped and spun the giant menorah round, pyrotechnics and sprays of white hot sparks sprayed about.
Everyone was gasping in awe at this expensive stunt.
"Aaaaaagh! My dreads are on fire, Foo!" Mr T cried.
Krusty laughed sheepishly and sighed.
However he noticed one audience member was not cheering. His father, Rabbi Krustovski. He looked ashamed of the spectacles and theatrics. Krusty knew he wanted things simple and traditional.
Next up to Oscar's Joy was Hoju, the homosexual Jew.
"Oh hell no!" Bart groaned.
YMCA by the village people played and smoke machines and disco lights as Hoju minced on stage wearing tight leather clothes with spikes and a leather cap.
"Young man! There's no need to feel down! I said, Young man! Cos you're in a new town!"
Homer screamed triggered by his homophobia. "Aaaaaargh! Marge I'm taking the boys outta here before they get brainwashed!" said Homer grabbing Bart and Hugo.
"Hey!" Bart and Hugo grunted.
"Homer! Let them go and sit down! You're making a fool of yourself getting all homophobic again!" Marge snapped.
"Marge... you'll thank me on their wedding nights..." Homer growled as he reluctantly sat down and released Bart and Hugo so they could return to their seats.