I began reading the rules, squinting with some concentration as I attempted to decipher Heyes' chicken scratch, and quickly started to regret my impulsive promise to the Kid, and nearly gave up to start writing my next magnificent octopus. But then the memory of warm blue eyes and a gentle kiss snuck into my mind, and gave me incentive to carry on, ahh the things I do for the lust, um I mean love for my fantasy cowboy.
1. Do not write when you're 'bout to have one of them monthly woman things. (With the onset of middle age, it's too hard keeping track of my not always monthly woman things, so working the cycle out and then deciding not to write when I'm about due is just too difficult to consider. Scratch rule one.)
2. Do not write till least twenty-four hours after you've read a story that Kid annoys you in. (Damn, that's generally when I get inspiration- scratch rule two)
3. Please for the love of God, don't read that story you hate. (That one is easier, but somehow, I don't think that would count as trying hard enough with either Heyes or the Kid.)
4. I'm a genius and don't never need no help getting me and Kid outta any trouble. So, no lawmen or high-priced lawyers required. (Hmm, now that's one I can work with maybe. He didn't mention pretty girls or the weather as a way of helping.)
5. Don't kill all of his wives. (Hey, I followed this twice already. I think he's added this one since the first time I read these, and decided to ignore them.)
6. Give Kid a break sometimes. (Hmm, does he mean an arm or a leg? I can do that if he does. Something to ask him in December. I laugh to myself and practice my most innocent smile.)
7. Don't have us split up, because that always ends up in disaster, so as soon as I read that in one of your stories, I know you ain't even trying to resist hurting Kid. (Damn, he's asking too much with this one, so scratch rule seven)
8. Don't let Kid win a coin toss as that's just not ever gonna happen. (I thought these rules were meant to help the Kid… I'm feeling the urge to break this one already.)
9. Give me a girl. I mean c'mon lady I'm not chopped liver. (Another none Kid related rule…now that is one I can definitely work with, though I will probably need some help from the other Rachel...)
10. Write a story that doesn't drive the Kid to spend all our hard earned cash on alcohol (This one is general enough that I might be able to oblige.)
11. Don't shoot the Kid too badly again as repetition shows a woeful lack of imagination. (Now Heyes, this is not the best approach...I might take it as a challenge.)
I try to read rule twelve and even squinting and turning it upside down doesn't help with deciphering it- seems as good a time as any to take a break.