Midnight found Wei WuXian sitting on a small bridge over a koi pond throwing bits of bread down to the gaping fish mouths below. He was going to have to come up with an extremely good hiding spot for the seal once he got back to Lotus Pier and probably create new spells or talismans to repel anyone from wanting to find it. Even better would be a spell that would make people forget about it. Jin GuangShan may have backed off from the topic earlier in the day. However…. There was no mistaking that he wanted the device; he wanted the power that came from the device. Physical power that would manifest as political power allowing him to…. What would it give him? The ability to control the dead would give him an unbeatable army and become the most powerful Sect. Being the most powerful Sect would… give him the power the Wen Sect once held? Is that what the lecher was after?

He heard soft footsteps on the path; he knew those footsteps. "HanGuang-Jun."

"Wei WuXian," came a soft reply.

The man in white did not lean on the bridge railings because, of course, he was not the type to lean. Ever. Wei WuXian leaned for him, resting his crossed arms on the bottom rail. "You're out late. Shouldn't you have gone to bed hours ago?" A whisper of sandalwood wound around his senses, a comforting scent. After all those months with that particular incense invading their shared closet and then tent, it was something he hadn't realized he'd missed until now.

"Mn…" was neither agreement nor disagreement.

Wei WuXian sat up a bit and fished the letter from his lapel pocket. "Back in the Nightless City, you accidentally included this with my letters. I swear I only read a few lines in it! I thought I should return it to you."

Lan WangJi seemed to stiffen even more than his normal stiff posture. "I gave it to you."

The neutral tone of that sentence confused the Hell out of Wei WuXian. It was a sentence. Not a question. Shouldn't it be a question? Looking up at the jade's face gave him no clues, either. The moonlight bleached away any possible red hues indicating embarrassment. "Yes, you gave it to me. I read a few lines because I didn't know what it was. Then I realized it was a love letter…." Wei WuXian shoved the folded paper into Lan WangJi's unresisting hand, and went back to gazing into the water. "I was kind of mad at first, you know."

"Mad?"

"I've told you so many embarrassing things! And you couldn't even tell me when you fell in love with that girl."

"What girl?"

Wei WuXian waved his arms uselessly at the fish swimming below. "How should I know what girl? I didn't read the whole letter! I do understand why you didn't tell me about her, though. I would have teased you mercilessly, I think." His chest felt odd. Like there was a huge tumor sitting right behind his sternum.

"Wei Ying… I am not in love with a girl."

The tumor disappeared for half a breath, then reappeared in his throat. It was long enough for the wish that the letter was actually for him to reappear and then be firmly smashed into oblivion. He wasn't Lan Zhan's pale moonlit beauty. Wei WuXian threw a few more bits of bread down at the fish and tried to swallow the lump away. "A woman, then," he said lightly when he was sure he could talk normally. "Is she married? Is that why you didn't give her the letter? Actually…. That makes sense."

"What does?"

"That you're in love with a married woman. She's married, so you wouldn't be able to marry her. And thinking about her naked…. That would be wrong. And you never do the wrong thing." He was wrong; the chest lump hadn't moved to his throat. Just shrunk for a few moments.

"I am not in love with a woman, married or not."

"Then who are you in love with?" He sounded a bit jealous, a bit petulant. Why should I be jealous?

"Wei Ying!"

That tone of voice he understood all too well. Exasperated, frustrated. Far too many of their 'conversations' at Cloud Recesses were punctuated by that exact same 'Wei Ying!'. "Fine, don't tell me. Just don't expect me to reciprocate, either! There's a shimei at Lotus Pier who I think wants to marry me. If I decide to court her and marry her, don't expect me to give you any of the details!'

If Lan WangJi stomped, he would be stomping off the bridge. "Do you think I want to hear the details of you courting your shimei? Your friend, Nie HuaiSang might want to hear all about your first kiss with her; I don't." He stopped, back still towards Wei WuXian. "Sometimes I wonder if you're as smart as everyone says you are." He continued on his way. "Sometimes I think you are the stupidest man alive."

Upon hearing the part about Nie HuaiSang, Wei WuXian jumped up. "You heard us?"

Lan WangJi stopped walking away, but didn't turn around. "Heard what?"

"Heard us talking about our first kisses." He laughed weakly. "I thought we were alone. I'd say you could join us, but…." But HanGuang-Jun would never stoop to kissing and telling. He firmly pushed down nausea at the thought of hearing Lan Zhan describing his first kiss with this mystery woman in the love letter. Vomiting around the tumor in his chest and lump in his throat would not be pretty.

"But you two have already had your first kisses, is that it?"

Wei WuXian blinked at the white expanse in front of him. He thinks I've already been kissed? He forced himself to laugh, a bit stronger than before, to cover up his embarrassment at being completely untouched at nineteen. "Sure! I've been kissed loads of times!" Or was it the embarrassment of wanting to kiss a man. Still wanting to kiss a man. Right now wanting to kiss a man. Not any man. This man. Wei WuXian was extremely glad Lan WangJi had his back to him; he was quite sure his face expressed his yearning. If you turn around, I just might shame my last ten generations of ancestors and kiss you. Please turn around. Please don't turn around. He really wasn't sure which would be better.

Lan WangJi did not turn around. "Shameless!"

Winter was generally mild in Lotus Pier. It snowed, once, and Wei WuXian spent as much time as possible outside, face up, to catch the snow on his face. He did not steal a platter to go sledding; he did flirt with the maid in the dishroom for a while. And if it just so happened that a few of the younger disciples took advantage of that distraction, he could not be blamed, could he? No one was injured. And platters were replaceable.

I wish Lan Zhan was here to see the snow. It snowed in the Cloud Recesses, too. He wondered if his friend would be stealing a platter to go sledding this winter. Probably not.

Spring started out its normal rainy self. Nothing ever seemed to dry properly and tempers grew accordingly, increasingly angry. Wei WuXian was grateful to be sent on night hunts. As much as he hated the seemingly never ending rain and muck, he was happy to be away from his shidi's ranting.

When the rains stopped, he was even more glad to be sent away from home. Jin ZiXuan was officially courting Jiang YanLi. It was hard to not put his fist through the older man's face. She, however, was so incredibly in love. She lost what little temper she had, and walked around with a blissful expression all the time. Except for when the two of them walked out of the storerooms together, faces red with embarrassment and smiling like fools.

ShiJie openly in love with someone who was openly in love with her was a beautiful sight to see. Wei WuXian idly wondered if Lan WangJi ever looked like that around his beloved. Did that marble facade ever crumble? Did he stare at his lover with stars in his eyes like Jin ZiXuan did? Did he ever just… smile, a huge can't-stop-it smile when he thought about his love the way ShiJie did?

The news of their engagement wasn't really news. The news that she was pregnant floored Wei WuXian. When she shyly asked him to give his new nephew's courtesy name, he didn't stop to think. "The next generation of Jin are 'Ru'?" Jing ZiXuan nodded. "Then…. RuLan."

Jin ZiXuan frowned. "You want to name my son after the Lan Sect?"

"The Lan orchids are the gentlemen of flowers," Wei WuXian protested. "Much prettier than peonies."

He wasn't naming his nephew after Lan Zhan.

He wasn't.

He really wasn't. Honest.

The wedding was at Koi Tower. Jiang YanLi was radiant in red and white. Jin ZiXuan was completely besotted by her.

And as long as the peacock treated their sister the way she deserved, Jiang WanYin and Wei WuXian were content to see her married to the man she adored.

Wei WuXian was not looking for Lan WangJi in the milling crowd after the wedding was over. He was looking for Nie HuaiSang because he had never actually exchanged the spring books the last time they'd been together at Koi Tower.

Wei WuXian was not looking for Lan WangJi as he maneuvered himself around a group and saw the second jade, dressed in a pale blue much more befitting to a wedding than his usual mourning whites.

Talking to MianMian.

Luo QingYang.

Looking down at her and talking softly to her.

Actually talking to her. As in his mouth making actual words in response to her mouth making words. Not being silent and making 'mmn' noises.

His face looked… kind. Almost happy. Wei WuXian wheeled around and walked as quickly as he could out of the hall to spit blood into some bushes.

It was her.

MianMian.

She was the woman the love letter was written to. Despite his protests in the cave. Despite his declarations on the bridge. 'I am not in love with a girl. I am not in love with a woman, married or not.' It was so obvious now! Lan WangJi was in love with a Jin disciple. No wonder he was never going to marry! There was almost no way the Lan Elders would accept a common Jin disciple as his bride. And he would be far too respectful of her to picture her naked. But he considered her neither a girl nor a woman? What was she, then, to Lan Zhan? A goddess?

Probably.

Shouldn't all women be goddesses for the men who loved them?

"Wei QianBei, are you alright?" Yao CaiHong asked quietly.

"I'm fine. You can leave."

"But you,"

"I'm fine!" he snapped.

"Wei Ying."

Wei WuXian steeled himself before turning around. "I'm fine," he repeated. "ShiMei, you can leave. HanGuang-Jun, there is nothing here for you to concern yourself with." He gave a polite bow to the second woman. "Luo QingYang. My apologies. Something in the hall affected me."

Luo QingYang and Yao CaiHong returned to the gathering. Wei WuXian waited for Lan WangJi to follow them; he didn't. So instead, Wei WuXian bowed carelessly, "If you'll excuse me, I have things to do."

He didn't get very far when his name was called again. "Wei Ying. What's wrong?"

"Go away, HanGuang-Jun." Why did this hurt so much? He must have been telling the truth back in the cave; Lan WangJi did not lie. So he must have fallen in love with her later. Perhaps while they were stationed at the Unclean Realm?

While Wei WuXian was getting nauseated and flustered by his roommate, his roommate was falling in love with MianMian? Or was it later, on the march to the Nightless City? Or when they wintered outside Mo Manor? On that morning of the final battle, was Wei WuXian thinking about kissing Lan WangJi while the jade was thinking about kissing Luo QingYang? He felt sick to his stomach, could feel it churning, ready to spew at any second. His whole body was hurting. Like every muscle and every inch of skin and every piece of hair was crunching in on itself or stretching itself taught. Whatever direction it was moving in, it fucking hurt.

Breaking a bone hurt less than this.

Being stabbed with a sword hurt less than this.

"What happened back there?"

"I don't like being lied to."

"Lan Zhan has never lied to Wei Ying."

The younger boy whirled around, furious and in pain and lashing out. "You don't lie; I know that. But you don't always tell the whole truth do you?" Upon seeing Lan WangJi's face start to pale, Wei WuXian pushed harder, pushed his anger onto the older boy. "I'm not the stupidest man alive, contrary to what you stated the last time we were here in Koi Tower. I'm not good at figuring out people right away, but I do get things eventually." He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down; it didn't work. His anger was rising sharply in direct correlation to how much pain he was feeling. "I know who you're in love with, HanGuang-Jun," he spat, trying to sound as hateful as possible. And gleefully watched what little color remained in Lan WangJi's face disappear. "I think you're disgusting!" he yelled, trying to hurt his friend as much as possible. Trying to make him feel the same hurt he did. Only disgusting people lied to their friends about something so important.

And oh, how it hurt. The tumor in his chest was at least double the size it had been on the bridge that night. The one in his throat was bigger, too. Remembering the way Lan Zhan looked upon his goddess with such a serene look. It wasn't the complete adoration Jin ZiXuan gave to ShiJie, but it was close. Now he had a third tumor: one encompassing his entire belly. Or maybe the one in his chest just grew there, too?

I wanted you to turn around so I could kiss you last fall. And you were probably just thinking of how to get your love letter to her! Why did that thought hurt so much?

His quest to hurt his friend worked. He could see it in his friend's eyes. Former friend, he supposed.

What kind of person wants to hurt his friend? If Lan WangJi was disgusting for lying, Wei WuXian felt that he was despicable for intentionally hurting his best friend.

Whatever they were to each other now, Lan WangJi's eyes and face no longer were carefully veiled to show no emotion. That was pain flowing under the clenching jaw muscles, the wide open glassy eyes, the colorless skin. Pain evident in the way his knuckles clenched tight, even on the fist not holding Bichen. Pain evident in the unnatural stiffness in his body.

Wei WuXian wanted to feel satisfaction upon seeing his former best friend as hurt as he was. It wasn't satisfaction; it just made him feel worse.

Lan WangJi managed to pull himself back into his normal emotionless appearance. "I will take my leave now," he said with a formal bow. "Please excuse me."

Wei WuXian woke up the next morning, head throbbing in sync with the pounding on his door and stomach and bladder whining about ingesting at least ten jars of wine. Jiang WanYin burst in, "What the fuck did you do last night?"

"Good morning to you, too," Wei WuXian croaked, just barely managing to sit up without regurgitating the contents of his stomach. "Which part of last night?"

"How the Hell should I know? The entire Lan contingent is leaving this morning citing 'something important came up'. Privately, Lan XiChen told me you are disinvited from attending the Sect meeting at the end of summer in Cloud Recesses. In fact, you're not welcome there until you sincerely apologize to Lan WangJi. So just what the fuck did you do?"

Wei WuXian ran a hand through his tangled locks. "He lied to me. I found out about it last night. We fought," at his shidi's face becoming red with anger, he amended, "Words. We had an argument. Well, as much of an argument you can have with someone who doesn't talk."

"Lan WangJi lied to you? About what?"

"Does it matter?" Wei WuXian slumped back into his blankets. "I found something last fall. I asked him about it. I saw last night that he was lying to me. I tried to just leave; he followed me! He confronted me! And then he flat out lied again!"

"About what?" Jiang WanYin repeated.

Wei WuXian retained enough self control to not blurt out Lan WangJi's secrets. He wanted to, though. He wanted confirmation that it was normal to feel upset when your best friend lies to you about not being in love with someone that he's in love with. "It's a private matter between us."

It should have been a private matter between Lan WangJi and Luo QingYang. Why did you accidentally give me her love letter? If he was younger, or female, he'd have cried himself to sleep over this. Instead, he drowned his feelings in alcohol.

"I'll apologize for calling him disgusting after he apologizes for lying to me."

Wei WuXian didn't mind not attending the meeting at Cloud Recesses. The company there was dull, the food boring and unappetising, and he'd have to act as a model disciple for the entire week. Better to stay back in Lotus Pier and swim and drink as he pleased. He did, however, miss the opportunity to buy some Emperor's Smile…. Thankfully, Jiang WanYin brought a case home.

He also didn't mind attending a winter Sect meeting at the Unclean Realm and not seeing that liar. He had Nie HuaiSang to fool around with and was finally able to exchange his Spring books for another set.

He adored attending the one month celebration for his new nephew in the spring. Jin Ling was truly the cutest baby to ever exist and Jiang YanLi the most wonderful mother.

The liar was there, too, as was expected. When they couldn't simply ignore each other, Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi were frigidly polite to each other.

Unfortunately, Sect business reared its ugly head during the celebration. Jin GuangShan brought up the tiger seal again. Wei WuXian lied, again, about not bringing it. And deflected as best he was able, any conversations about giving up control of the object to the Jin.

He didn't expect to be accused of cursing some spitting mad Jin disciple with the hundred holes curse. "Why would I curse you? I don't even know who you are!" Wei WuXian wracked his brains trying to remember the Jin disciple frothing at the mouth.

"I'm Jin ZiXun! Did you forget me already?" The angry man pulled his robes apart to show off the holes in his chest. "You set this curse on me and forgot who I am? Just who do you think you are?"

Jin ZiXun. The name sort of sounded familiar. "If we've met before, it was such an inconsequential meeting that I've completely forgotten it. Why would I set a curse on someone I can't even remember?" He pulled open his own robes. "See? No backlash. I didn't set it."

Jiang WanYin stepped in front of his partially naked shixiong. "My head disciple didn't curse you. If he thought you needed to be killed because of your attitude during the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, he would just have challenged you to a duel and killed you right then."

"Oh! Is that where we met? I seem to recall that incident, now…." It was fuzzy, but he now remembered being yelled at by an ugly Jin disciple. Not the conversation, just that there was an ugly man yelling.

"Wei WuXian!" Jin ZiXun yelled. "Just because you diverted the backlash onto someone else doesn't mean you didn't curse me! Remove it or I'll kill you!"

"I didn't put it on in the first place," Wei WuXian tried talking sense even though he could see it wasn't going to work. "If you'll calm down, I can work with you to try to find out who cursed you. But I won't do it if you're going to yell at me for something I didn't do." He knew he sounded a bit petulant, a bit pouty. He didn't really care. The man was blaming him for someone else's dirty work. Although, it was pretty easy to see why someone would curse him to an agonizing death…. The man was annoying as Hell.

Predictably, the dispute was brought to Jin GuangShan's and the other Sect leaders' attention. There were a handful of people who sided with Wei WuXian; the vast majority either stayed silent or sided with Jin ZiXun. After all, a cultivator who was able to control the dead was capable of anything, wasn't he?

Wei WuXian's stomach felt like rebelling when he saw Lan WangJi staying silent, not defending him. And then walking out of the room as if the debate was over something silly like whether to use blue thread or red to embroider a shirt. Those fucking tumors were back, larger than ever. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to swallow. His eyes were burning.

The pain was no less than he deserved.

But Lan WangJi hurt him first! He was only hitting back! And only then because the idiot deliberately ignored instructions to leave him alone! If HanGuang-Jun had simply walked back inside the Hall with his goddess and left me alone to process his betrayal, none of this would be happening right now. I would have gotten over it. Because everybody lies. It's no big deal. Except…. I've never really lied to him before about anything important. And he's never lied to me.

That was an awfully big first lie.

In the end, whether or not Wei WuXian was considered guilty of cursing Jin ZiXun was not to be settled by showing unmarred skin. Those who believed the evidence in front of them found Wei WuXian not guilty. And those who believed him capable of forcing the rebound onto someone or something else found him guilty. Even if Wei WuXian were to find the person who actually cast the curse, he might still be guilty in their eyes.

It was easier to simply say goodbye to his sister and leave Koi Tower. To leave those who coveted what wasn't theirs, who blamed him for the action of someone else. To not have to see his (former?) friend looking through him.

The long way back to YunMeng and the Lotus Pier meant walking in any direction he felt like with the intention that eventually he'd meander back home. Jiang WanYin wasn't happy about Wei WuXian abandoning his duties for a few weeks or a month; he couldn't really forbid it, either.

A few days out from Koi Tower, he heard a sort of whistling noise. And then felt something punching him in the back, forcing him to his knees. And then there was blackness.