When he opened his eyes, it was to the sight of Wen Qing leaning over him. "Don't move," she warned. "Rather… don't try to move. I've got you paralyzed from the neck down to keep you still."

"What happened?"

"Someone tried very hard to kill you. Fourteen arrow wounds, one in your neck that somehow managed to not hit anything overly important. Your skull was cracked. Six broken vertebrae, four more ground to a pulp. One broken femur, both ankles, one forearm, the opposite wrist. And both of your hips were completely dislocated. It appears that you were first shot and then dropped into a quarry. You're very lucky, you know."

"How is that lucky?"

"The quarry is only a few kilometers away and Wen Ning happened to be hunting a ghost there. He saw them drop you, and was able to get you here almost as soon as you hit the ground. If you'd been there a few hours before being found? You would have died from the head wound or blood loss. Before you ask, you've been here a little over a month. Jiang WanYin knows you're alive. I don't believe he's told anyone else."

"Where is 'here'? And why won't you let ShiJie know I'm alive?"

"Here is my home in Yiling. What you knew as the Supervisory Office. It was my maternal grandmother's dower home. When my cousin who inherited it died in the war, it came to me and my brother. As for anyone else? Jiang ZongZhu wants to find out who attempted to murder you. He thinks, and I agree, that leaving you 'dead' will be better for that investigation than letting your murderer know he failed and should try again. The less who know about it, the better."

Wen Qing Healed him slowly, one major wound at a time. It was three months before he was allowed to move his arms. Another two before his spine was fixed enough to sit up. And another four before he was allowed to try to stand. Young Jin Ling was walking before Wei WuXian.

The whole process was humiliating. Someone else had to bathe him, change him like an infant, feed him. There was a full rotation of Wens who came in at all hours to keep him company with either news of the cultivation world or read to him or to simply listen while he ranted his frustrations. Jiang Cheng came to visit every few months bringing news of their nephew or the progress of the murder investigation.

Although there wasn't much news of that. Jiang Cheng, Jiang YanLi, and Jin ZiXuan were convinced that Jin ZiXun was heavily involved in the attempt. But so far, there was no conclusive proof.

Jin ZiXun being out of Koi Tower on a night hunt the day the attack happened was not sufficient evidence. And a search of his and his cronies' rooms did not yield the single most important piece of evidence: SuiBian. Wei WuXian had left Koi Tower with his sword; it was not with him when he was dropped into the quarry.

The tiger seal and ChenQing were in their qiankun pouch and so not discovered by his attackers.

Over those long months of not being allowed to move lest he damage something further, Wei WuXian learned that the Dafan Wen had tried to live in their village at the base of the mountain once the war was over. Early on in the war, Wen Xu's men had razed the village and salted most of the fields, so rebuilding and replanting were nearly impossible. Roving bands of cultivators attacking the budding village, though, in an attempt to gain reparations were what sent them to Yiling. Thankfully, there were many in all provinces who lost their homes during the war and so roamed around to settle in a new place. Simply by changing their surnames when necessary, the Dafan Wen were able to hide in plain sight.

Once he was more mobile, or at least able to sit upright, he started working on barrier spells and talismans for the Yiling property. Most roving bands of maurders left the settlement alone; a few seemed to ignore standard peacetime protocols and raided the farms for food or raped the women. There were few cultivators with any martial abilities for him to work with in the settlement; most of Wen Qing's family and villagers were healers, not soldiers. But even a healer can place a talisman on a fence post and infuse it with the correct amount of spiritual energy to make it work. As long as the barrier talismans were re-infused with energy every few weeks, the number of attacks on this property decreased.

About a year and a half into his stay, Wei WuXian was allowed to live on his own in his own little house. Jiang BiMing arrived with practice swords, and slowly Wei WuXian began to regain some of his swordsmanship. It was harder to relearn than it had been to learn in the first place as his brain remembered how to move much more quickly than his legs and arms were able to.

To earn his keep, he would tinker at his talismans and spiritual devices. About once a month, one of the Wen, now named Zhang Yong, would take them to Yiling City and sell them. The first few times Zhang Yong was asked who made them, he made the appropriate noises to make it seem like he was answering without actually answering the question. And then he just decided to say, "Our family patriarch invented them." He wasn't really wrong. If Wen Qing was the one who actually had the ultimate authority over the Dafan Wen, her obvious second-in-command was not her brother, but Wei WuXian.

He, of course, found the idea of being a virginal patriarch absolutely amusing.

Yao CaiHong was no longer available as a wife (she married another Jiang disciple only a few months after Wei WuXian's 'death'); there were several young girls within the settlement who looked favorably on him. And more than one widow who insinuated she'd be willing to share his bed even without the benefits of marriage. He declined every offer as gently as he knew how. He supposed that with the immense work it took to get his body back into pre-accident form, it was only natural that physical attraction was almost non-existent.

Wen Qing, of course, told him he was speaking nonsense. "One of the first ways you'll notice you're well on the road to recovery is to feel urges. Or have spring dreams."

He didn't have spring dreams. His dreams were full of the people he missed. He really wanted to see ShiJie again. That she still thought him dead after such a long time was…. Well, whatever it was, it made him feel sad and lonely. Of course he missed playing around with Nie HuaiSang. Bonding with his ShiDi. And the Jiang junior disciples. Being told how his juniors were progressing in his absence was not the same as seeing it for himself.

He refused to openly acknowledge that he missed Lan WangJi. He stopped himself from mentioning the man whenever he flitted into his brain. Which was several times an hour. Sometimes more. An unusual flower made him wonder if Lan Zhan would call it 'pretty' or 'boring'. A funny passage in a book… would it get a 'shameless' or 'ridiculous'? When he first was allowed to use his arms and his handwriting came out even more illegible than it had been as a student: what would Lan Zhan comment about that? What scathing remark would he say when seeing Wei WuXian trying to complete a basic sword form and spectacularly failing at it? Or would he simply look through him? Pretend he didn't exist anymore?

He refused to admit he wondered if Lan Zhan mourned him, missed him. It was too painful to think that he did and even more painful to think that he didn't.

He missed the scent of sandalwood incense and perversely refused to allow it in his room. That scent belonged to HanGuang-Jun.

Longing to see his friend overwhelmed him at times. Having parted on such bad terms for such a stupid reason? He could see that, now. Why had it hurt so much to learn that Lan WangJi was in love with Luo QingYang? It was a good thing, right? To be in love? He should have supported his friend, helped them to steal time away together. Helped to convince the Lan Elders that she was a good candidate for a spouse. He wondered if they were married yet…. Jiang Cheng didn't mention any of the Lans in his letters or when he visited.

And Wei WuXian was too afraid to ask. Why, he wasn't sure. His friend getting married, having children…. He should want that. He should want to know that he could be like an uncle to his friend's children.

He broached the subject one night with Wen Qing, taking full advantage of their language's ambiguity around pronouns. "What does it mean, QingJie, if I want to know about how a friend is doing out there but I literally cannot make myself ask Jiang Cheng about him? I try… and my tongue seems to stick in my mouth."

Wen Qing was mellow from the fruit wine they'd been drinking. "I don't think I'm the appropriate person to ask, XianDi. I have a friend of my own out there that I'm scared to ask about."

"Why?"

"Do you like her?"

"Of course I like him. We're friends! Or we were friends. Before."

"Not like her like friends. Like her like… a lover."

Wei WuXian took another sip of wine to avoid answering that question. Lover. Lan WangJi as his lover? That just... It couldn't be like that. Could it? He wasn't a cutsleeve. He didn't think of men as attractive at all. Or want to kiss them. Or do any of the things shown in that spring book.

Yes, he thought Lan WangJi was handsome. Everyone thought so. It would be odd to be the only person who didn't think Lan WangJi was handsome. It wasn't so strange that he thought another man was handsome, was it? Or that he had beautiful eyes? So those impulses to kiss him weren't normal, but still…. Being so desperate to have his first kiss before he died could make him think about kissing someone close to him, right? Someone safe? Kissing Lan WangJi would be just getting rid of his mouth's virginity without having to worry about marriage. Or sex. Even Nie HuaiSang thought it was completely normal to kiss a friend! It didn't mean anything deeper than that.

It didn't have to mean anything deeper than that.

A kiss between friends was as impersonal as a kiss between a customer and a prostitute, right? Well, not exactly impersonal…. Kissing a friend would be very personal. Maybe meaningless was the word he wanted.

Not that he wanted his first kiss to be meaningless. Or that kissing Lan WangJi would be meaningless. It would definitely have meaning.

What it meant, he had no idea.

So meaningless wasn't the word.

Safe. Lan WangJi had felt safe during the campaign. Comforting. Soothing. The one person who, mostly, had zero expectations of Wei Ying. If they had kissed that morning, it would have been comforting. Like a thick blanket on a snowy night.

Comfort. Yes, that's what his thoughts about kissing Lan Zhan were all about. Being comforted.

It's not like he wanted to do any of the other things shown in that cutsleeve book. All right, he did imagine that having a woman use her mouth on him would be pretty darn close to heaven. So if he closed his eyes and a man did it? What would the difference be? And that one spring book with the two men and one woman did show one man going in the woman's backside while the other man went into her front. So doing that to a man's backside couldn't be much different than doing it to a woman.

Right?

It was the thought of being the one taking another man's part into his body that made his stomach feel funny. He wasn't a cutsleeve, then, right?

Wen Qing prodded at his leg with her foot. "So… Do you like her or not?"

"Friends," Wei WuXian stated firmly. "We were just good friends. What about your friend? The one you're scared to ask about?"

She smiled, a bit sadly, a bit drunkenly. "I'm Wen RuoHan's niece. No matter what I did in the war, no matter that I was on the Allies side…. Friendship is nearly impossible. To be more than that?" She shook her head. "It's better to be thankful for what little I can have than wish for the impossible."

Wei WuXian grinned. "You do know that the Jiang motto is to accomplish the impossible, right? Once I'm 'alive' again, I can try to help you…. If you'd like."

His second summer in Yiling made him realize exactly how much he missed Lotus Pier. Summers in both places were hot and humid. At least in Lotus Pier he could go for a swim when he got too sweaty. Wen Qing's home, which still needed a name, had a few streams running through it; there wasn't any place deep enough to swim. He could go out of the settlement, go to the river, but that ran the risk of someone seeing him. And so he stayed put and sweltered in the heat.

Hand held fans only accomplished so much. Which is to say almost nothing at all. While the rich could employ servants to wave large fans around, Wen Qing was not rich and the rest of the Wen were too busy to stand around fanning him. So Wei WuXian set out to make a contraption that would replace the human part. He worked with some of the craftsmen in the settlement to build a device that would hold the fan. And set about weighting and counter weighting things to achieve what he hoped would be a continuous movement. Without a steady influx of power, though, the device would work for a while and then wind itself down to a halt. Then the person being fanned would have to restart the machine. Which completely was against the point of building the thing in the first place!

Water power would do it…. Even the little streams had enough energy to make the fans move. But since there were only a half dozen homes near enough to water, that wasn't a good solution. Wind power would also do it. But if there was enough wind, there would be no need for the fans. So that left spiritual energy which meant he needed to create a talisman or array that would transform spiritual energy into mechanical energy.

He was working on his fifth attempt at a talisman and barged into Wen Qing's workshop to get her advice when he noticed there was another person there. "Oops, sorry," he laughed. "QingJie, I'll bother you later. I think I've almost got this right."

"Wei Ying."

His name…. That voice…. Wei WuXian forced himself to look at the man in brilliant white and bowed, far more respectfully than he'd ever greeted his friend before. "HanGuang-Jun." A less formal bow to Wen Qing and he murmured, "I'll leave you two to complete your business, then." He didn't run back to his house as much as he wanted to.

He was an adult, now, and adults did not run from their problems. They walked stately, displaying none of the frantic emotions flying around their insides.

"Wei Ying!" Lan WangJi yelled, almost forcing Wei WuXian to a stop. Since when did Lan WangJi learn to yell?

"We'll have more privacy in my rooms," Wei WuXian offered.

Once alone, Lan WangJi's focus was solely on the house's owner. "I thought you were dead. I mourned you."

Wei WuXian tried to laugh lightly while not allowing himself to look at his friend. It was a miserable attempt. "Well, it's not my fault the people who tried to murder me nearly failed. Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing thought it best to keep the fact that I lived a secret in hopes he could ferret out who did this."

"I mourned you," Lan WangJi repeated.

Wei WuXian lost his battle and allowed himself to look at Lan WangJi. He looked as handsome as ever. Perhaps a bit thinner. But perhaps that was merely his memory being wrong. "It's good to see you," slipped out of his mouth. He mentally cringed at how soft and warm his voice seemed to be. "I didn't think you'd be all that upset, seeing as how we left things." Seeing Lan WangJi appearing to look like he might talk again, Wei WuXian interrupted. "I'm sorry for what I said that day. I don't think you're disgusting. I've never thought you were disgusting. I was just hurt that you lied to me and I wanted to hurt you back. I was wrong. Very wrong."

"Lan Zhan has never lied to Wei Ying."

"Not saying something when directly asked is almost like lying. I should have been happy for you. A real friend would have seen you two looking so happy together, and been happy for you. Not upset. I'm sorry, Lan WangJi."

"Wei Ying…." Lan WangJi took a deep breath. "I don't understand. Who was I looking happy with?"

"MianMian, of course."

"Wei Ying…. I have never been in love with MianMian. Do you… did you think the love letter was for her? Because it wasn't."

"It wasn't?" Wei WuXian was thoroughly confused. Then who was it for?

"Wei Ying…. I gave the letter to you. I gave it to the person it was supposed to go to."

Wei WuXian was still lost in his own mind, trying to figure out who the mysterious woman was if she wasn't Luo QingYang. Those two sentences seemed off somehow. Ah. The man who hardly ever spoke missed a transition word. 'I gave the letter to you. Then I gave it to the person it was supposed to go to'. "Would you like tea?" That seemed the adult thing to say to someone you hadn't seen in a couple of years. "I have a really strong one and a floral one." He went to the tea boxes, and shoved them in Lan WangJi's direction. "Smell and pick one out. QingJie is really happy that I've finally learned how to make tea. I destroyed more than a few kettles in the last year. She still won't let me anywhere near the kitchens after I almost burned them down the first time. At least we have a cook who knows how to make proper food, though. She's a refugee from YunMeng. Didn't want to go to Lotus Pier for some reason. So Wen Qing took her in." He realized he was babbling, but didn't want to stop. Lan WangJi's silence was too loud. Talking about the love letter and their argument was too upsetting. And the only other important topic of conversation was probably exactly how badly he'd been hurt, and he really didn't want to remember all those months of not being allowed to move.

"Can you really not accept it?" Lan WangJi interrupted the nonsense.