"If you decide to meet with him, it doesn't mean you have to forgive him right away. Take it one step at a time"
CHAPTER 7 Saint James' Park
Azira Fell was not fine; he was not in the slightest.
He sat in his chair at the bookshop, in silence, the latch securing the door. He was far from fine, tension radiating from him, and misery tainting his thoughts. He had misled Barrie, leading him to believe there was something more between them, and now he felt guilty for the deception. But at the same time, he couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal, cheated by Barrie's sudden change in behavior after Azira had declined his advances. The Barrie he had known had transformed into someone unrecognizable, and Azira couldn't find any excuses for his actions.
Barrie Brown's true persona escaped through a crack, and it was not a nice one. Mrs. Brown had had phoned Azira the next morning, she told him Barrie's father was violent, that it was not his fault, he had seen that scene at home too many times. It made it worse for Azira, knowing he had asked his mother to seek forgiveness on his behalf.
Mr. Brown had sent flowers and had visited almost every day. He didn't let him in. There were long handwritten letters piling in his letterbox.
His desk was covered in old journals, trinkets, and various items of little consequence. In the center of this clutter, however, were the two items that held his attention. His current journal, open and waiting for his thoughts, and a soft cotton pocket square with black fabric and a burgundy trim. The initials A.J.C were neatly embroidered on it. It was the one Anthony had given him, and it held a particular significance for Azira.
Azira knew he should wash the pocket square and return it to Anthony. He hadn't done either. Even if he were to cross paths with the man again he had no intention of parting with it. It smelled of his own blood, cast iron, and a scent that was Anthony, a mixture of burning coals, tar, burnt wood, amber and animalic musk. It evoked a sense of calm in Azira, it had since Anthony had given it to him in an act of kindness.
A gentle knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. The silhouette he saw against the gray blinds was shorter than Barrie Brown, so Azira hesitated only briefly before deciding to open the door.
Maggie stood on the threshold, a warm smile on her face, holding a pair of to-go cups. "Can I come in?" she asked, her tone slightly sheepish.
Azira considered her request for a moment, remembering her previous visit to the bookshop when she had been enthusiastic about the possibility of a romantic relationship between him and Barrie, and seemed disappointed that they weren't- he had usher her outside that afternoon. The outcome of the date at the Ritz was somehow the talk of the neighbourhood.
He finally relented, offering a polite but slightly strained smile. "Come in."
Maggie entered the bookshop, placing one of the to-go cups in Azira's hand before settling herself on his sofa by the window. The spot was strategically placed to catch the warm afternoon sun, so if someone fell asleep there it would be cosy and homey. No one ever did.
Azira joined on the plush chair, holding the to-go cup in his hands. He took a small sip of the warm beverage, the aroma of tea soothing but doing little to ease the turmoil in his mind. "So?" he prompted, looking at Maggie expectantly.
Maggie maintained her fond smile as she began to speak. "He's sorry." The blonde woman adjusted her position on the sofa, her expression shifting from fondness to a more serious demeanor. She leaned forward, her eyes meeting Azira's with a hint of concern. "He really is sorry, Azira," she began softly. "I've known Barrie for a long time, and I've never seen him act this way before. Whatever happened between you two, it's affected him deeply."
Azira's brow furrowed as he considered Maggie's words. "I don't understand," he admitted, his voice tinged with frustration. "Why are you on his side? He... hurt me when I said no."
"I'm not on his side. He's hurt too…" Maggie took a moment to choose her words carefully. "He wants a chance to talk to you, to apologize in person. He's been sending flowers and letters as a way to express how sorry he is." Maggie reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Azira's arm. "Mr. Fell, take your time. No one's rushing you into anything. But don't shut him out completely. You two had something special before all of this, and maybe, with time, you can find a way to mend things."
Azira glanced down at the pocket square in his hand, his thoughts in turmoil. He could hear Anthony's voice, 'Be careful with that man in the future.' He wondered if he should even entertain the idea of meeting with Barrie again. "I don't know," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.
Maggie nodded sympathetically and withdrew her hand, giving him space to collect his thoughts, his eyes still fixed on the pocket square in his hand. Deep down, he did wonder if there was a possibility for reconciliation, he was good at forgiving, it was one of his strong points.
Maggie continued, her tone reassuring. "If you decide to meet with him, it doesn't mean you have to forgive him right away. Take it one step at a time. You can set your own boundaries and decide what you're comfortable with."
"Thank you, Maggie," he said insincerely, finally looking up from the pocket square. "I'll think about it. I appreciate your support."
Maggie smiled warmly. "Of course, Mr. Fell. Just remember, you have friends who care about you, no matter what you decide. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."
She stood up as she reached the doorway, the blonde woman paused, her expression sincere and concerned. "Don't tell Nina we've talked about this," she advised quietly. "She doesn't believe much in forgiveness, bad experiences in the past."
Azira nodded in understanding, acknowledging her request. "I won't," he assured her. Well aware Nina wasn't fond of him.
With Maggie's departure, Azira found himself alone in his bookshop once more, the weight of his decision heavy on his shoulders. He watched the warm afternoon sunlight filtering through the slits in the blinds. The bookshop, felt like both a refuge and a prison at that moment.
He couldn't help but replay the events in his mind. The way Barrie had pursued his friendship, the confession of his feelings, and the abrupt transformation that followed Azira's gentle rejection—it was all a whirlwind of emotions.
He turned the pocket square over in his hands, tracing the delicate embroidery with his fingertips. The tactile sensation brought forth a memory—of Anthony's comforting presence, of the warmth he had felt in the midst of darkness. It brought the unsettling reminder that Barrie had crossed a line.
After a few moments of contemplation, Azira made a decision. He needed some time to clear his thoughts and find clarity. A walk in Saint James Park seemed like the perfect solution. He hadn't been there in a long time, and the serene beauty of nature had always calmed his nerves. Perhaps amidst the greenery and serenity, he would find the clarity he so desperately sought.
Setting safely the pocket square in his vest pocket, he rose from his chair and locked the bookshop behind him. As he stepped out into the bustling streets of London, he couldn't help but hope that the tranquillity of the park would offer some pace of mind.
The afternoon sun stretched long shadows across the nearly empty coffee shop, casting a warm, inviting glow. The lunchtime bustle had come and gone, leaving behind a quiet, intimate ambiance. Nina and Maggie sat at their corner table, remnants of their meal scattered across the worn wooden surface.
Five years had woven their lives together, though Nina playfully insisted it was a few months less, dismissing those early coffee meetings in her own café as insignificant. Maggie, on the other hand, treasured every shared moment as if it were a precious gem. But for Nina, the technicalities of their relationship didn't matter much; what was important was that they were together.
Maggie had been Nina's rock, her personal angel, since the day they stayed locked in the cafeteria together. She had been there to mend Nina's broken heart when she felt strong enough to start anew after a painful breakup. Their separate homes reflected the remnants of past heartaches. They still lived apart, but not for lack of love. Nina was cautious, her trust had been shattered once, and she wasn't about to let it happen again. Maggie understood this, and she was nothing if not patient.
Nina stirred her half-empty coffee cup absentmindedly, her dark eyes fixed on Maggie. There was something on her mind, something she had been wanting to discuss for a while now. With a sigh, she summoned the courage to say it. "You know, Maggie, we've been together for quite some time."
Maggie looked up from her tea, her blue eyes meeting Nina's gaze, filled with affection. "Yes, we have," she replied, her voice filled with affection. "And every moment has been wonderful."
Nina nodded, a faint smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "That it has. But there's something that's been nagging at me."
Maggie's brow furrowed slightly, concern etching her features. "What is it, Nina?"
Nina drew a deep breath, choosing her words carefully. "It's about Mr. Fell, the rent, and you getting involved in his love life."
Understanding flickered in Maggie's eyes. "I know you're worried about it," Maggie began, reaching out to tenderly hold Nina's hand. "Mr. Fell has been generous, especially when times were tough. But things have improved now, and I can pay most months."
Nina squeezed Maggie's hand affectionately, her concern born out of love. "I know, and I appreciate that he's helped us out. But, Maggie, I can't help but feel uneasy about owing him so much. What if one day he decides he can't forgive the debt anymore?"
Her gaze lingered on Maggie, longing for a future where they'd share not only their lives but also a home. It made sense in so many ways. She wanted to move in with Maggie, it would be cost-effective, they would spend more time together, and Nina wouldn't have to leave the warmth of Maggie's embrace to go home. It made sense.
Maggie's expression softened, and she leaned in closer to Nina. "I understand your concerns, love. But Mr. Fell is a good man, and he cares about us. He's not the type to suddenly turn his back on someone in need."
Nina couldn't help but voice her deepest fear. "What if he becomes upset about your involvement in his personal life? This Mr. Brown situation—it's complicated, and I don't want Mr. Fell to blame you."
She had watched Mr. Brown's growing interest in Mr. Fell, recognized the red flags, as someone who had survived a toxic relationship before meeting Maggie, she couldn't help but warn Maggie to steer clear, fearing repercussions. "This Mr. Brown thing will backfire." And now that everyone was fully aware Mr. Brown had messed it up, despite he hadn't put it so clearly, she feared Maggie's support for the non-existent relationship could turn against Maggie.
But Maggie was an eternal optimist, a believer in second chances and the enduring power of love. It was this optimism that had drawn Nina to her in the first place, but it was also the source of their occasional disagreements.
Maggie's expression softened, and she leaned in closer to Nina. "I understand your concerns, love. But Mr. Fell is good at forgiving, he always is."
Maggie's eyes glistened with affection as she met Nina's gaze. She gently cupped Nina's cheek, her thumb tracing patterns on Nina's skin. "I promise, Nina, I'll be careful," she reassured. "I believe in second chances, and I believe in Mr. Fell and Mr. Brown."
Nina couldn't help but smile, touched by Maggie's unwavering faith and love. She leaned into Maggie's touch, her initial worries softening. "I love you, Maggie." She had almost forgotten that the main point of the conversation had to be them sharing their life under the same roof. "I would love you to…"
Maggie cut her off, as she leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to Nina's. "I love you too, Nina."
As they sealed their love with a tender kiss, Nina couldn't shake off her concerns entirely, but she trusted Maggie's promise to be cautious. There was no rush to move in together, she could always try asking it again another day.
Crowley reclined on his favourite wooden bench in Saint James Park, his sunglasses shielding his eyes from the warm afternoon sun. He needed the calm the park brought him. As always, he sat on the left side of the bench, waiting for a companion who never arrived.
It had been a trying week. All he had wanted was a peaceful escape to feed frozen peas to the ducks and relax as much as his body would allow. Yet, his busy schedule had kept him occupied until that very afternoon. His thoughts drifted back to the events of the past days.
When Jack had declined the junior research position to go to Italy, the head of the department had opted to rescind the job offer to Anna as well. It was clear to everyone that they were a team, and the research would be wouldn't be as brilliant or effective without Jack.
Anna Willson hadn't took it particularly well. She had waited for him after one of his lectures. Crowley's features softened as he remembered the tearful encounter with Mrs. Willson, he was happy of his sunglasses for the emotional glare. He had never been good at handling crying children, especially when their eyes were as blue as the summer sky.
He knew that there was more to Anna's sadness that the loose of the job. At first Crowley had not noticed it, mainly because he was not interested in the lives of others, and even less those of students full of hormones and out of control carnal desires. But with every gesture and detail it was clear that Jack was in love with Anna. It was like in a P. J. Hogan's movie, Anna didn't knew she was in love with Jack.
Crowley continued to recline on the bench, his mind dwelling on the recent events involving Anna Wilson. As he thought about Anna, he couldn't help but see her as something of a daughter figure. She had a natural talent for mathematics, and he had taken her under his wing, guiding her through her studies and research. Their bond had grown strong over the years, and he felt a deep sense of responsibility for her, with her bright eyes and childlike features.
When Jack had declined the job offer as a researcher, it had sent shockwaves through the department. Crowley had immediately tried to convince the head of the astrophysics department that Anna was more than prepared to continue the research on her own. He had argued on her behalf, emphasizing her dedication, intelligence, and potential. But the head of the department had been hesitant to place such a significant responsibility on just one junior researcher.
Crowley vividly remembered the day he had found Anna moping around her classroom, her dreams seemingly shattered. He couldn't stand to see her like that. He had tried to calm her down, assuring her that there were other opportunities and that her talent wouldn't go unnoticed.
With Crowley's silver tongue, he subtly wove a narrative. In this narrative, Anna's brilliance would not only flourish under his expert guidance but also advance the department's prestigious work in the field. Tempting the head of the astrophysics department with this compelling vision, he skilfully planted the idea.
After much consideration, the head of the department came to a decision. She recognized Anna's promise and the undeniable influence Crowley had over her academic pursuits. In an unexpected twist, she offered Crowley the possibility of taking Anna as his assistant in his ongoing research on dark matter observation. It was a way to retain Anna within the department, ensuring her exceptional talent wouldn't go to waste while allowing her to continue her research under Crowley's guidance.
Unsurprised by the department head's eventual agreement with his idea, Crowley accepted the offer without hesitation. He knew it was not only the best way to nurture Anna's incredible potential but also a clever move to secure someone competent to assist him in his intricate research. As he lounged in the park, bathed in the dappled sunlight, he couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction in how smoothly everything had fallen into place. There were birds singing and the wind blew a shifting melody that was beginning to lull him into sleep.
"Anthony!" a soft, pleased voice called out, more of a sigh than his name.
Crowley, was startled from his almost-slumber. He blinked and looked up, only to find the cerulean eyes of Azira gazing down at him. His heart skipped a beat at the sight.
"Angel," Crowley replied with a warm, genuine smile, almost pushing his sunglasses to rest atop his head. He instead, with skill learned from habit, changed the movement of his hand and ran it through his hair, brushing it away from his face. "What brings you to this part of town?" he inquired, patting the spot beside him, inviting Azira to join him in the dappled sunlight.
Azira sat beside him, despite his seemingly relaxed and calm posture, Crowley couldn't help but notice his straight back and nervous hands, rubbing his fingers on his lap. "Angel?" Azira inquired softly.
Crowley shifted so he could have a good look at the man. He observed Azira's demeanor, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes, while a mischievous smile played on his lips. "Hmm, sorry," he said, his laughter genuine and warm. "You don't think you're an angel?" He leaned in a bit closer, a glint of playful teasing in his gaze. "With your curly little..." Crowley gestured to Azira's hair, mimicking the curls with his fingers, "...and your neat off-white..." He motioned to Azira's attire, his fingers tracing the lines of the fabric. "...you practically have halos and wings."
Azira's cheeks tinged with a faint blush at the teasing, but a small, amused smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "Well, I'm not the one with flaming red hair and dressed in black, you could very well be a demon," he retorted playfully.
Crowley leaned back, his laughter subsiding into a contented grin. "Fair point," he conceded, "So what brings you to this part of town?" he inquired again, trying to look more like his sarcastic and nonchalant self.
Azira chuckled softly, his hands had stopped fidgeting, his nervousness seemingly easing in Crowley's company. "Actually, I came for a walk in the park," Azira replied, his tone gentle and relaxed. "I haven't been here in a long while, and I find solace in the serenity of nature."
Crowley nodded, his eyes fixed on Azira. "Nature has a way of calming one's nerves," he agreed, he stared into the distance and closed his eyes again. It wasn't there any more, the void had been filed, there was someone sitting with him in the bench, and it felt right.
The two of them continued to bask in the peaceful ambiance of Saint James Park, a sense of calm settling over them. The world seemed to slow down, and for the first time in years, Crowley felt truly relaxed. The park, with its lush greenery and the distant murmur of flowing water, was a sanctuary that he had sorely missed.
As the moments stretched on, Azira's presence beside him brought a comfort that was difficult to put into words. The scent of leather and old paper, mingled with citrus, pears, and a hint of jasmine, wafted gently in the breeze from Azira to Crowley. It was an intoxicating blend, one that seemed to enhance the sense of tranquillity in the air.
"And what about you, Anthony? What has you seeking solace in the park today?" Azira's soft voice asked, breaking the silence.
Azira's question pulled Crowley from his reverie, and he opened his eyes to meet Azira's blue gaze. "Hmm," he murmured thoughtfully. "Well, let's just say it's been a rather hectic week, and I needed a break from it all. Sometimes, even a demon needs a bit of peace and quiet." He quipped.
Azira's cheeks colored slightly. "I didn't mean to offend you!" he replied.
"No offence taken." Crowley chuckled softly. He glanced at the angel, who had a lost look in his eyes, his soft features with that relaxation that comes from exhaustion. "Are you okay, Azira?" Crowley asked out loud. 'Your split lip had not yet healed,' he wanted to add 'has that man bothered you again?' He did not.
Without looking at him Azira nodded. "I'm fine, tickety boo."
It sounded adorable to Crowley, but it was clear Azira was far from fine, but he wouldn't press, they lapsed into a comfortable silence once more, the only sounds being the rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze and the distant chirping of birds.
The sun was descending below the horizon, casting a warm, golden hue across the tranquil park. As daylight dwindled, the shadows deepened, stretching their inky fingers across the landscape, painting the world in shades of amber and violet, signalling the end of a serene day.
"Maybe we should go, it's getting late." Crowley pushed himself up from the bench. "Would you want me to drive you home? I have the car practically at the door." He offered.
Azira was still looking into the lake, lost in his thoughts. "I'm going to stay here a tad longer. Thank you for the offer."
Crowley nodded in understanding, his sunglasses shielding his eyes as he stared at the angel. "Of course," he replied. "Good bye, Azira." He took a few steps towards the exit.
"Anthony!" Azira called, Crowley turned around and found the most beautiful and brilliant smile he could had imagined. "See you soon."
"Until next time." He gave Azira a reassuring smile before turning to leave, swaying gently as he walked away.
Thoughts? Do you like where the story is going?
By the way, thanks for the comments. You are wonderful dear readers.