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CHAPTER 12

GRAVITY

Once Carlisle had parked his Mercedes, and exited the vehicle, he crossed the garage, then entered the house. Going by scent, he knew that his vampire family was not home. With the current thunderstorm, he deduced that they might have gone to play baseball.

Bella, on the other hand, hadn't gone with them. Rather, she was here, alone in the house, the beating of her heart reaching his ears from afar.

As he traversed one of the home's many living-rooms, Carlisle felt a sudden sense of longing. Though he and Bella had seen one another in the house a few times, they hadn't spoken since that day in the hallway. The distance pained him. In truth, he missed her company. He missed the light in her eyes whenever she would smile at him.

Taking the stairs, he frowned in self-recrimination. Bella would soon be his sister-in-law. He had no business missing her the way he did.

Even so, the heart wants what it wants, and his heart wanted his brother's fiancé.

Stop it, he thought as shame coiled in the pit of his stomach.

Once Carlisle had cloistered himself in his study, he made for his bookcase and tried not to focus on Bella. He failed, though. She was in her room still. He could hear her rummaging in there. But then, much to his surprise, she quietly left her room, and started walking toward his study.

Upon reaching his door, Bella didn't knock right away. She was hesitating, he realized. But then—

Knock, knock.

Swallowing hard, Carlisle smoothed the front of his shirt, adjusted his tie. "Come in, Isabella."

The door creaked open, and she poked her head in. "Hey. Is this a bad time?"

"Not at all." Carlisle cleared his throat, and motioned for her to come in.

Bella smiled but seemed nervous. Once she had closed the door behind her, he couldn't help but note the way she kept wringing her hands. "Remember the night Alice had me try on all of those shoes?" she began. "I said that we shouldn't avoid each other. Well, this time, it seems I'm the one that's been doing the avoiding."

"It's okay, Bella." If anything, he was just as guilty. Because he had been unsure what to say to her, Carlisle hadn't sought her out either.

When she failed to say anything else, he asked, "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Yes, sorry." A pause. Bella was readying herself for whatever it was she came to say. "Since we're alone, I thought it might be time to talk."

He gave a nod, but yielded the conversation to her.

Instead of voicing her thoughts, however, Bella fell silent for a moment. Beneath his gaze, she chewed her lower lip, and paced before stopping and saying, "I came to apologize."

"Apologize? What for?"

"For the other day. For that run-in we had in the hallway. The way I acted, the way I stood there, and the way I kept… staring at you… I'm sorry, it was totally inappropriate."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella."

She sighed. "Yeah well, I doubt Edward would see it that way."

The guilt on her face was hard to witness. Hoping to ease her burden, Carlisle motioned toward the leather sofa. "Why don't we sit down?"

Bella gave a thankful nod, and did as he asked.

Taking a seat beside her, Carlisle opted to wait. Clearly, she had more to say.

"When I went along with Edward's plan, I didn't anticipate…" Another sigh. "What I'm trying to say is, I was so focused on how our night together would affect Edward that I didn't stop to consider how it might affect me."

Carlisle's chest grew tight, his mouth going dry when he said, "And how did it affect you?"

"I often think about it… how it was… being with you." A faraway look crossed her face, her mouth curving in reminiscence. "I know I should put it out of my mind, but I just… I can't. You were wonderful, Carlisle." Her smile vanished. Bella hung her head, and covered her face with her hands. "God, you must think I'm a terrible person."

"I don't." Adamant words, delivered on a whisper. "I could never think that of you."

"I'm engaged to Edward. I shouldn't be having the thoughts I'm having. But I am." Her hands fell away from her face. She seemed entirely miserable. "If that doesn't make me a terrible person, then I don't know what does."

Her words gouged a hole in him. He couldn't bear seeing her this way. "If you're a terrible person, then so am I."

Bella just sat there, staring wide-eyed as she absorbed his unexpected confession.

"Edward is my brother… But that night with you… I think about it as well. A lot more than I should," he said while her pulse quickened, her pupils dilating by a fraction.

If his heart hadn't been frozen, it would have sped up as well. Bella was attracted to him. Just as he was attracted to her. But her heart belonged to Edward.

Get it through your head, he chastised himself.

"So, what now?" Bella asked after a weighty moment.

In a world where morals didn't matter, he might have touched the underside of her chin. He might have gauged the look on her face before leaning forward and stealing a soft kiss. But that wasn't the world he lived in.

"We live our lives," he began as his heart crumbled in regret. "We live our lives and try to go on like we did before."

Carlisle caught her subtle nod, but deep down, in a secret, tucked-away part of his soul, questions lingered.

Could he suppress his lustful and affectionate thoughts? Was it possible to go on as they did before?

Only time would tell.

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