Disclaimer:

Naruto owner Dudes, I am just messing around in your story, I haven't got a clue how this will end, but I will have fun finding out. For free of course.

Previous:

A week after this meeting, two Anbu took me to my new home, I must say that it was not a shabby apartment, the female Anbu, who was so unrecognizable with that mask and purple hair said: "Here is your new home Uzumaki san."

3 Growing up.

I smiled at her and said: "Thank you, Cat san. You know, that mask doesn't help if you have purple hair. That color is pretty by the way. Dog San is the same with his silver spiky hair. Why are you wearing masks? Is it giving some secret powers? Can you even see clearly through those little holes in that mask? Ah! It is to train your senses."

She slapped the back of my head: "You better train your own senses, brat. Now get inside the house."

I rubbed the sore spot and complained: "Hey, girls are supposed to be gentle and soft. That is what Yanaka san in our orphanage said about his girlfriend to Sakura Sama. I heard them talk about it, oh now I remember, Sakura Sama called him an idiot for believing that. So, Cat san, are you rough and hard?"

Another slap later she said: "No, but you will be bruised and bloody if you don't shut up. Now listen up, this mansion is the property of the Uzumaki clan, you are the only Uzumaki left, so this is your house. You have to maintain it and keep it clean."

I raised my hand and asked: "Cat san, you know I am only four years old, right? What idiot had the bright idea to shove me in a house and let me do... What?"

Another slap, "Let me finish, brat. Every clan will post a member here to help in the household and your training. Why didn't you try to dodge my slaps?"

I shrugged: "I know how fast the ones with the silly masks are, Cat San. Trying to avoid it is stupid. I will slap you back when I am stronger."

Cat san teased me: "Oh? When will that be? In fifty years from now? Train hard, little brat, maybe you will be able to do just that one day."

"Don't worry Yugao san, I will find you when it is time… I heard some girls liked their asses spanked. I heard Dog San mumble that the Cat needs a good spanking, was he talking about Cat San? He was reading a book, maybe it was a kitty in that book he was talking about." that will get her knickers in a twist, and Kakashi a few slaps. Women can't stand it when males are using dirty talk around kids, so for the next few years, one eye will suffer.

With a last slap to my head, she flickered away… Shunchins' away. Man, learning all those techniques is going to be a drag. I explored my new home, I suspect it was Mum's old house, the Uzumaki logo is omnipresent, it was like a painter got bored and painted that logo on every flat surface he could reach. Anyway, I call it home now.

The clans kept their word, soon the house was filled with people, servants who cleaned the rooms, some craftsmen to repair some of the damage, and some gardeners for the surrounding area. An old granny from the Nara clan came to live with me as my Housekeeper, Akira Nara, I call her granny. Some noticed my interest in books, hence Izumi Yamanaka, a middle-aged teacher, I call her Aunty, the trio is complete with a cook from Akimichi, Kamiko, another aunty, although she could count for two. All three are widows who volunteered to move in with me.

Xxxxx

It took me a while to set up a new training space up, they didn't give me time to move my trunk with the pocket space, so I had the start from scratch. I selected a cabinet in my bedroom, put some notice-me-nots around it, and a null zone in front. I removed all the shelves and made another Pocket Space, 800ft square this time.

My morning routine is to pass my cabinet, pop two Shadow clones, and go down to breakfast. My clones are working on Chakra Control and Writing, Fuinjutsu is too much of a cheat to ignore, my spells can do most of those effects too, but the Shadow clones keep all the weapons and storage seals, so it is better if I can make them myself, it is my legacy after all, and my clones can't use Magic.

I spent my time after breakfast reading and writing, soon they noticed my talent, and three kids joined my class, yep, the Ino-Chika-Cho were forced to join my class… that is not exactly an improvement, a lazy Nara, a hungry Akimichi, and a spoiled Yamanaka were slowing me down.

My solution? I warded the room with spells that encouraged the students to pay attention, and a good teacher resulted in the room filled up with Kiba Inuzuka, Chino Aburame, and Hinata Hyuga, even the Uchiha kid joined. All the clan kids got their basic lessons in my house. Reading writing and mathematics. Thanks to my runes the learning speed was tripled, and even that dogboy improved. His mother was almost in tears when he showed her he could read.

OK, I admit that it backfired, my house became a hotspot for the clans, a neutral zone as it were. There was always someone having a meeting or trade in one of my rooms. Several rooms were set up for that reason alone. A lot of civilian clans wanted to join the coalition, they saw the benefits of having their own Shinobis, and now there is an opportunity to do a koala on the major clans. Meh, my house is warded against hostile intents, it is funny to see someone turn back with the excuse that they forgot a prior appointment.

The Sarutobi and Shimura had to cave in or get isolated and join the clans. That worked in two ways, they controlled Hiruzen and Danzo, and Hiruzen and Danzo got to know what was happening in the Clans.

A few compulsions and hints exposed Orochimaru's secret labs and Danzo's collaboration with him. As a result, all the clans retracted their clan members from the Root. That crippled Danzo's Roots, especially when Shisui Uchiha got recalled, his eyes were almost ready to be harvested. As compensation, the clans allowed more members to join Anbu.

When I met the Nara clan leader Shikaku, I handed him two small devices and said: "From Daddy, he said you could use it. It was a complicated piece of Magic, but I succeeded in letting non-magic users operate my listening charm. Ergo, Danzo is monitored 24/7 by the Nara Clan. Even in his most private chamber, my Magic went through it with no problem.

Hiruzen got a watchdog too, although spying on him is more risky. I warded my mansion against the Hokage's Spying Chrystal, he doesn't need to know what is going on inside my house, although he is using it mostly to spy on females. I guess that is where Jiraiya got it from.

I never met the civilian council, so I could not bug them, a pity though, they are nasty buggers and need someone to watch over them. What else can I wreck… Hmm, Miley, focus dude!

Shikaku Nara got his next present from my Dad, a locator to Danzo's tracker, it shows the direction and distance of Danzo, no matter where he is. OK, I admit it, I can't stand that man, nor that Snake Orochimaru, what they are doing for the so-called 'sake of the village' is repulsive. But then again, this whole world is rubbing me the wrong way. It is great as an Anime or Novel, but to live in? Nah, they are killing people like we are swatting flies, without blinking an eye.

I met Kabuto! Too bad, the dude didn't make it, they said he was heartbroken and suicide himself. He did a good job on it too, imagine it, he made a big stack of firewood, sat on top of it, and set it on fire. Then he slit his own throat. Poor bloke, his mind was too weak to resist my Imperio. If only I could meet Orochimaru… Hmm? Wasn't I complaining about ruthless killers? Nah, I must have imagined it.

Xxxxx

I recently increased my Shadow Clones, I have four of them in my Pocket Space. It is as compensation for my afternoons where I am forced to play with some of the brats. Their numbers are increasing every week. Now Clan kids from a year up and a year down joined our classroom, I had to ward the whole compound to keep those brats in line. Especially that Inusuka, if ever there was a kid with ADHD, Kiba was a prime example for it. That boy could not sit still for a minute outside my home.

The afternoons and evenings the kids went home to be trained in their Clan's secret techniques. I used that time to bug some of the men to teach me Taijutsu and the hand signs. Now, if there is one thing about Naruto I could not understand, it is those hand signs. I made my Clones without them so the need to do them escaped me.

"No, Naruto kun, the need for the hand signs is to guide your Chakra through specific paths to get a certain result. Each hand sign represents a way the Chakra flows in your body. Every Ninjutsu has different hand signs, so to activate a ninjutsu you have to let your Chakra flow in the order of the hand signs." explained one of the gardeners.

I get it, it is the same as with Magic, wand movements and incantations for kids, silent casting for the advanced students, no wand movements for the graduates, and wandless casting for the specialists. The same goes for Ninjutsu. I think I skipped those hand movements, I already feel my Chakra flowing through my body, and I look stupid doing those signs. I mean four to ten signs to do a move? I can beat them up when they are on their second hand sign.

Am I a sadist? I am starting to think I am one. My favorite pastime is to listen to how Danzo is getting examined by healers on his chest pains and they can't find something wrong. Don't worry Danzo, soon it will spread through your entire body. It is an itch you can't scratch, it will start eating soul power, you can only replenish it with Chakra until there isn't enough Chakra to fill the void. The best part? I doubt Orochimaru can resurrect him after this. Ruthless? Nah.

At five years old I could not change a lot, I already used Dad to let them dance to my tune, I can't use him anymore or they will start asking questions I don't want to answer. I got it! I am a Seer! That never gets old! It is a typical plot changer when the scriptwriters are out of inspiration and want to insert a completely different storyline. Don't look at me like that! It can work… I think. Let's try it out.

A week later I showed a paper to Shikaku Nara and said: "Shikaku Sama, you need to bring these two women here, they are Uzumaki and our village owns our clan a debt. There are four Chakra metal katanas for the team that retrieves them. Currently, the mother is abused by the village she is living in."

Shikaku frowned and asked: "Do I want to know where this information is coming from, Naruto kun?"

I shook my head: "Probably not, Shikaku Sama, those katana come from the same place. What I can tell is that if they are not retrieved, the daughter will cause a lot of trouble for our village. She will be a great asset when she will live with us."

Recently I got hold of a little piece of Chakra metal and spent a week reproducing it with permanent transfiguration. Hah! I can get stinking rich in a few days if I want to! And probably offed a few days later. Meh, I can trust them to keep my secrets, after all, my wards are making it so. Transfiguration is such a cheat if you are good at it, once you have the atomic structure of the desired metal in your mind, the rest is easy.

Xxxxx

A month later, Karin and her mother moved in. When I heard Danzo making plans to get Karin in his Roots, I portkeyd a note with a big No, you are not getting her! on his desk. He spent a week searching for how they found out about his plans and how that note reached him. A week later he moved his office into another room.

When I handed Shikaku Nara his four Katana I said: "The first one that dares to bite aunty to get healed will die screaming. Spread the word Shikaku Sama, don't test me on this."

Shikaku asked: "Why? That is a very useful ability. Not using that seems to be a waste to me."

I sighed: "How would you feel when your mother is getting her Chakra sucked out of her? How would you feel about the village that sucks the life out of your mother? Then imagine what you will do when you reach the power level of a Kage. Karin Chan has that potential, and her mother's happiness will make sure she is loyal to our village. So the first one that bites Aunty dies screaming, Shikaku Sama."

Karin Chan was a bit older than me and joined the academy, her mother, Kayo Uzumaki, got a job in the Hospital. They were quite nice, although they found it strange that so many different Clans use our home as a meeting spot. The downside of it all? I showed too many of my skills and they are not compatible with my age. I am on Shikaku's radar, I can see he wants to trust me, but he really doesn't.

With Karin in the Academy, I can go over the courses that they are teaching, I called Shikaku and asked: "Shikaku Sama, why do the kids in the academy have to learn stuff we already learned last year? Won't it be better if we are home-schooled if the standards are so low in the academy?"

Shikaku sighed: "We have been complaining about it since the last war, Naruto Kun. The village elders and the principal lowered the standards to give the village children a better chance of graduating."

I mocked: "And they die on their first mission out of the village, or are they going to chase that cat for the rest of their lives, Shikaku Sama?"

Shikaku argued: "It is the decision of the Hokage and the village elders, my hands are tied, Naruto kun. We had this discussion many times here at clan meetings. We have defied the Hokage too many times already."

"It will cost us the fourth Ninja War if this continues, Shikaku san." I shot back. "Or is the academy only here to brainwash us into blind devotion to the Village?… ah, it is. It is a bit sad, isn't it? Brainwashed Root, brainwashed Anbu, and brainwashed Shinobi. And later on, one of those mind-altered fools will be the next Hokage."

"It has started already," I said, "Orochimaru crossed the lines too many times. He has secret labs all over the country and is using babies for his experiments. He too is using a Cursed Seal to enslave his victims. Check Anko Mitarashi out, she was the practice dummy for Orochimaru."

Crap, I only have my crappy knowledge of the story to go on. Well, it is not that I am going to be the next Hokage… shit. I am bloody five years old! I am supposed to have fun! This needs my wrecking ball! Hmm, Miley...

The next day I gave a package to Shikaku: "Shikaku Sama, can you have this delivered it Tsunade Sama? Let the messenger tell her there is money included. I pay with a Kunai of Chakra metal."

That will get the bitch running home. I included some heavy compulsion charms on my letter, if I wanted to, she would let her get fucked by Killer B and his eight-tailed octopus.

A few weeks later she stood in front of me: "Why was I running here like a mindless bimbo? Who put me in a bloody Genjutsu?"

I ran at her while yelling "Aunty! You are finally here! Dog San Anbu was always talking about Big Boob Senju. When I heard you were an Uzumaki I had to meet you!"

While hugging her I put some small spells on Big Boob Senju. The first one was invented by an angry housewife to punish her deadbeat alcoholic husband. From now on she can't hold her liqueur for a minute, projectile vomit is the new fab. Another one was to limit her gambling, nothing major, just a compulsion to take care of her family, that is why I called her Aunty. The last one was a compulsion to visit a mind healer about her heamophobia, her fear of blood, although it sounds more that was a consequence of battle fatigue.

"Kid, stop grabbing my ass, and move your head! If you were five years older you would be dead by now." She grumbled, was it my fault that my face was on the ideal height to do a hentai hug? I don't think so too.

An hour later Tsunade left the meeting room with the Clan heads, she grabbed my collar and lifted me up to face her: "What is the deal little perv? Stop playing dumb, the clan heads are willing to look the other way every time you pull a stunt like you did with me."

I tried to shrug, but hanging in the air, that was hard to do: "Aunty, this village is going to hell if you don't do something about it. The Hokage is henpecked by Danzo and the village elders, the Academy is nerfed so that the weakest sissies can graduate. And I bet the Clan heads told you the shit Danzo was up to."

And I yelled: "And all that was happening while you were pis-drunk gambling your money away. The sad part is that you are the most normal Ninja at Kage level in this village! Do you want me to come clean? I am a kid that is trying to survive this fucking village with a bloody fox sealed in me!"

The bitch dropped me! Now that I am spilling the beans I might as well go all the way: "I am Naruto Uzumaki! The moment that fox got sealed in me, a spirit merged with me, I have the memories and skills of a person from another world. And I am using them to survive this shit hole."

"Having that spirit allows me to see glimpses of the future, and have additional powers," I continued, "I was fighting for my life the first two years until my Dad interfered." Man, I forgot I used my dad to explain it all the first time, I hope they bought it."

Suspiciously she asked: "Powers? What powers do you have kid?"

That is a trick question, my normal response would be a nicely trimmed poodle, but… she is called the Slug Queen, I can let her vomit slugs for five minutes, no, that still gives her the possibility to hurt me. Another option is to turn her into a big slug, she does have a temper though, I doubt I will survive that. Hmm, what to do?