I tried to think of my future plans for the clan but all I could think about was my father. The turtles didn't know this but Splinter used to come here to lecture me about my revenge. I still don't know how he found stuff out. It really got on my nerves. It was fun sometimes when he would help me with my ninjitsu but most times we would argue. It was no secret that he disapproved of my vendetta but that's not what we would mainly argue about.

Splinter kept on lecturing me about how I run the clan. He use to say how he didn't trust them and I should have not foolishly picked them to follow me. He would also say how I should stop listening to them and show them who's the leader but I didn't listen. I just kept on arguing until he stopped.

Over time, I started to get worse with my vendetta and I honestly didn't know why. I had promised father I wouldn't blow up Shredder's organization anymore then I started doing it again and the worse things got the more and more my father would come by but not to lecture me. He would scold me and make me train as punishment.

One time he even struck my thighs with his staff when I refused to comply. Shinigami made fun of me that day. She kept saying. "You got a whooping, you got a whooping!" Very immaturity.

My father laughed a little when she did that and I had to admit so did I...but one night things did not go well.

FLASH BACK

"Shini is the foot clan ready?" I asked her, as I moved some boxes in the throne room. "Yes, they are all packed." Shini replied.

"Good, we can't stay here anymore. Shredder is back and he almost killed my father by using me as bait. No doubt he's going to keep coming after me so he can use me to get to him." I said scowling in anger.

"It was nice of the mutanimals to offer their place to us until we can find a new hideout." Shini said, smiling as she stacked up some boxes. "Although, I do think staying with the turtles would be more fun." She added and I sighed in annoyance.

"There is not enough room for the clan in their lair. Must I really go through this again!" I snapped and Shini put her hands up. "Okay, I just think that's not the real reason why you don't want to stay there."

I turned around and glared at her. "That is the reason and why do you care if we stay at their lair or not?" Shinigami shrugged. "I just think it would be good for you if you got to know your family."

I scoffed. "Yeah right. You just want to get to know Michelangelo and Casey better." Shinigami blushed and hid her face in her hat. "W-Well yes...but I also think it would be good for you!"

"What do you see in those two anyway?" I asked. She smiled and sat crossed legged on the stack of boxes. "Well Michelangelo is funny and sweet but I like Casey's foolish personality." I shook my head in disapproval.

Casey and Mikey are nice guys but Casey has the hots for April and he is always in over his head. Mikey seems loyal and I can tell he has a crush on Shini but he seems very hesitant about being in a relationship with her which makes me think he likes someone else as well but I don't know who.

"Well the answer is still no." I said firmly and Shini pouted. "Aw! Please Harmy-dear!" She pleaded and gave me puppy dog eyes but I wasn't going to back down this time.

"No! Now get back to packing!" I ordered and Shini sighed. "Fine." She left the room and I continue to go through some old boxes searching for what we need and don't need.

I grabbed a big box and a box opener. I start opening it when my hand slipped and I accidentally cut myself. "Ow! Fuck!"

I sucked on my cut then all the sudden I saw a shadow on the floor. I looked up and saw my father starting down at me. "That language of yours would have earned you a switch punishment back in my day." He said in a calm yet stern tone.

"Yeah and I'm sure you got plenty of those for being annoying." I muttered in annoyance and he smirked at me a little in amusement before jumping down.

He knelt down and grabbed my wrist. "Here let me see." He tried to look at my cut but I pulled my hand away. "I'm fine, it's just a cut." I returned back to the box and Splinter looked around the room. "I see you got a lot of packing done."

"Yeah, I'm trying to leave here as soon as possible. Who knows when Shredder will come back." I said a little fear in my tone. My father must have noticed because he put a hand on my shoulder and looked at me with concern. "Are you alright?"

I pulled away and put on a fake smile. "Yeah, I'm just anxious to get out of here."

I turned back to the box and my father sighed. "So what did I do this time?" I asked and turned to him. He smiled. "I just came to see you."

I knew he was lying. He never came by for just a 'visit.' I glared at him until he sighed and gave in. "Alright."

He sat crisscrossed and put a hand on my knee. He took a deep breath before speaking. "Miwa, I have been meditating on this a lot and I think that you are just too young to lead a clan. I am proud of you for wanting to bring honor to the Foot clan but I think it is too much stress for you. I think the clan is a bad influence on you and I can tell that you are unhappy."

I scowled at him. "I'm only unhappy because Shredder is still out there and the Foot clan doesn't influence me! I influence them!" Splinter scowled back at me. "Oh, so looking for Shredder after you returned Leonardo home was your idea and not the Foot soldiers'?"

My eyes widened a little. How could he have possibly known that? I opened my mouth to argue but he put his hand up to silence me. "Miwa, you are a strong and great leader. I believe that you have great potential to even become a great grandmaster one day but I think this Foot clan is decreasing your confidence as a leader." When I stood silent he continued. "And I want you to also have a life outside from being a ninja. You are 15 and you should be out having fun but instead you have isolated yourself inside these walls."

I wanted to snap at him but I kept my cool. "Thanks for the lecture father but I think I'm gonna pass." My father's scowled deepened. "I was not lecturing nor asking. I am trying to tell you that I want you to leave the Foot clan and come live at the lair for now on."

I was shocked, I got on my feet and looked down at him. "What! You can't make me leave the clan!" Splinter stood up as well. "I can and I will!" He said sternly.

"Miwa, this foolishness with this clan has gotten out of hand! You have become even worse with your vendetta!" My blood started to boil. "You just think I don't have what it takes to lead a clan!"

I shouted and my father growled in frustration. "I don't think you are ready to lead a clan because you have proved to me that you are not!" I scoffed. "How did I prove to you I'm not ready?"

My father gave me a look. "You have started to destroy Shredder's organization again after you promised me you wouldn't! You have been recklessly getting into battles! You and your clan have gotten badly injured countless times! And you have picked soldiers who are untrustworthy to follow you!"

I growled. It is none of his business how I lead my clan. "I know what I am doing father. You may not see the bigger picture but I do! If we take down Shredder we won't have to worry every time we go outside that he might attack!" Splinter sighed and crossed his arms. "Miwa there is more to life than your vendetta."

My heart sunk. Those are the exact same words I said to Shredder when I first saw the Kraang. Only this was different, Shredder didn't care that there was a more important battle going on, he could care less of the earth and how many people got hurt as long as he got his vengeance.

I on the other hand just wanted us to be safe and the only way to do that is to take him down. I didn't see how I could enjoy other things in life without worrying that Shredder might kill one of us. Doesn't my father understand that I am doing this for our safety? Shredder will never stop hunting us until he kills us. I shuddered at the thought of Shredder taking away the life I had build from me again.

I had lost a life I can't even remember with my mother and father. I lost a life that I had loved with Laila, Mizuki, and Shini. Then I lost another life with Shredder. It wasn't a happy life but at least then I knew what my purpose and future was. When I learned the truth I had lost that. I don't have it in me to lose another life. I love the turtles, I love my father, I love my freedom. I will not lose this life..no matter what it takes...Shredder won't take it.

"Father, why don't you understand?!" I am doing this so we can finally live free in peace! Don't you want that?" Splinter sighed and put his hand on my shoulder. "Of course I do and I do understand but this isn't the way. You do not understand that this can cuss more harm than good. We have gone over this countless times Miwa. Revenge leads-

"To more pain." I finished his sentence before looking away. "Yeah. I know. You tell me that every time you come here." Splinter took his hand off my shoulder and looked at me sternly. "And I will keep telling you that until you hear it."

I rolled my eyes and turned away. "I don't get it. Why all the sudden are you trying to make me leave?" Splinter shook his head. "I have already explained Miwa. You are just too young to lead a clan and I'm worried about your mental health."

I raised a brow. "My mental health?" My father hesitated before answering. "I heard about your panic attack. I came by to check on you after but you were not home. Shinigami explained to me that it was not your first panic attack. She told me you have them when you are overwhelmed, or have night terrors, or when someone yells at you."

Okay, well now I am beyond angry. Not only is my father trying to make me leave the clan but Shini ratted me out to the rat!

"Shini told you about my panic attacks?!"

"Do not be mad at her Miwa. She only told me because I was worried about you and she was trying to assure me that you were fine." I crossed my arms and gazed to the side. I'll deal with Shini later. Right now, I have to deal with my father first.

"Well what do you expect me to do, father? Join Leo's team? I am not going to do that! I am not a follower. I have been leading a team ever since I was 13." Splinter nodded in understanding. "Yes. I understand but I just think you could use a break from being a leader for a while. It might help with your stress and anxiety."

I rolled my eyes. My health is none of his business. I wish he would just give up and leave already. " I'm sorry father but that's not happening! We need to take Shredder down as soon as possible! I'm not gonna sit on my ass all day and hide under ground like a-"

I caught myself before I said it. Breath held in a muted stutter.

"A rat?" Splinter finished and I tensed a little but I kept glaring at him, showing that I was still not going to back down.

Splinter lowered his head sadly. "I only want what is best for you Miwa."

tsk* "How do you know what is best for me?! You don't even know me!" Splinter looked back at. "I do know you. More than you even know yourself."

"No you don't! You didn't raise me like you raised the turtles and I am not the baby girl you lost in the fire! My body may have survived but you and I both know that Hamato Miwa died in the fire that night! And I may not be Shredder's daughter but I'm not yours either! I will always be Karai and nothing can ever change that!"

My father looked at me with a hurt expression and I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes. Guilt hit me like lightning. I looked down in shame and kept my mouth shut.

"Mi-" He paused. "Karai...if you do not wish to be part of our family then...I will understand and respect that. I would never force you into something that makes you unhappy but I will not allow you to be in the Foot either. I will make a deal with you. Once Shredder is gone promise me that you will leave the Foot and find a life that makes you happy."

I knew he wouldn't leave unless I said yes. So I just nodded with my eyes to the floor, sill ashamed about what I said. My father nodded and turned to leave. He jumped up to the window then paused for a moment.

"I love you Miwa." I heard him whisper sadly before he left. Leaving me alone with my shame and regret.