A/N: You may have thought I'd forgotten about this story, but I haven't.
Kurt stares down at the phone in his hands.
He wants to call Blaine. He wants to call Blaine and apologize, tell him that Sebastian doesn't mean anything to him, that it was a mistake.
But Blaine doesn't want to talk to him, and it would be a lie, anyway.
He wants to call Sebastian and apologize, say he just overreacted and ask if he can still come spend the night. He could really, really use the distraction right now, after all.
But that's exactly the reason he shouldn't call Sebastian. He wants a distraction but that's not what he needs, what he needs is to figure out what the hell he's doing. He still cares about Blaine, still loves him, even, but… he's not in love anymore, and he's pretty sure it's not coming back; not after everything they've been through. And he saw the look on Blaine's face– he can't keep doing this to him. This needs to be over, he needs to accept that.
And then there's Sebastian. He knows there are feelings there – on both sides, they've gone unacknowledged but he can tell – but he also has to admit that it wouldn't be fair to Sebastian for this to be any more than it already is. What it is now is maybe already too much, but he's only so strong; can only give up so much. If he can be clear on the boundaries here, stick to them, then maybe it will be okay.
… But he can't do that. He's tried and they've already blurred, he knows they have, and it's not good for anyone. Not for Sebastian and not for himself, either. He knows that, deep down, knows that even if he may feel some kind of way for Sebastian that really he's just a distraction, and Kurt has been relying on distractions for too long now.
But it's been so long. He doesn't know how to not do this.
Maybe he can do this.
He throws his phone down on the bed and flops onto his back. How has he managed to get himself into this mess?