Training Day 2
Declan Callen 18, District 9 Male
I couldn't sleep all night, and I haven't been able to for days, every time I do I get nightmares and I never got nightmares I used to be the reason for nightmares, by stealing children away from their families, stealing people's savings and forcing them to lose their homes. It was for survival and maybe a bit of enjoyment, now I'm stuck. I'm not ready to die, death doesn't scare me but my sister was right, there is a bit of my pride to be lost.
I never lost a fight, I felt powerful almost invisible and it got to my head and now I'm here. I can die any second once we are in the games. My emotions are all over the place, I did have to take medication it's something thankfully my file didn't say but now without it, it's getting even worse the mood swings, the anger. I don't want to admit to needing help, I don't want to admit to having problems.
I just stare at the small straw man, I wonder if my sister has the same one but as a girl. I remember our parents taking us to the market when we were little getting, us these toys.
It is the only thing I didn't destroy because life wasn't always a nightmare it took something for my father to flip it too more for me to destroy it all we haven't even spoken about it, we probably shouldn't, it's better to keep this almost like a business type relationship in my eyes she is my district partner but I know she is more than that. I know she means more than that to me.
My medication also helped me sleep, after I killed my parents, I was evaluated mentally, they classed me mentally unfit for trial, and mentally unfit for work but due to my age, the District didn't want to murder a 12-year-old boy, so they sent me to the dark regions. The previous leader, was able to get me medication from the black market, p so I wouldn't go crazy maybe I should swallow my pride and tell Xander.
He,k he probably takes the same shit as me since that guy isn't even close to being mentally stable. I wanted to sneak into his room and steal his medication since he hadn't been here at night but the last thing I wanted to do was anger the boy more than I had the only reason his being nice to me was so I wouldn't hurt my sister, she is the one they want to win but so was Kaela and where is she now?
In a coffin may she rest in peace.
Not that I really care about the dead deep down I spite them. I just look at my hands, I had an outburst, I normally don't have them, even with medication, I'm angry and hateful but I do have some control over my emotions. I don't have outbursts but last night all I wanted to do was destroy everything in the room. I didn't want to alarm everyone and show my mental vulnerability so just started scratching myself, and swearing to myself, it helped a little bit eventually I got tired and fell asleep.
By law the district had to seal my little mental disorder, so luckily that must have not made my file. I know Aurelia might be catching on even yesterday she knew when I was on the brink. I don't mean to take it out on her but at the same time, I blame her. I know I shouldn't it isn't her fault yet she isn't letting me see her full file, and neither are the mentors hell, I'm lucky to even get a glance from Brayen and when he does look at me it's with hatred. I guess I'm a little jealous he is doing everything to help her, Xander isn't, I mean he did do one on one training with me yesterday but half of that was to beat the shit out of me and then he has been giving me advice but most of it is insults.
It must just be me, since I saw him sitting with my sister last night, holding her hand and being like almost a different person speaking to her like she is some glass princess that can crumble.
So clearly I'm not kind enough for that bastard, sats the guy that tortured a 16-year-old girl with a rock and still can't tell everyone why.
He knew playing a villain would help him but unlike in his year there are too many killers and villains, to count even if Levin may be more humane than his file paints him to be, it still doesn't make him an angel. I guess I should be thankful, she gave me the files she could have kept from me.
I almost expected her too I just ignored the large banging on my door, I'm already ready but I would rather be alone until we have to leave maybe being apart is better for Aurelia and, at the moment until we both decide, what we want to do.
I don't want to hurt her more than I have, I mean I don't really know what she went through, she jumps whenever. I raise my voice or try to touch her, but she is timid and scared I'm going to hurt.
I don't want to have to be gentle with either because I can't hold her hand the whole way, maybe that's why we clash I don't understand her but I do remember what I was like when father used to beat me I felt powerless, I was scared to fight back, I was a coward but taking the beatings it doesn't make you a coward if anything it makes you stronger.
"Oh fuck I thought you were asleep, you alright," Xander says forcing my door open, so much for privacy. I just quickly shove my hands in my pockets.
"Why would you care anyway" I shrug
"Look you are a dick and a jerk but if you win District Nine becomes an even more wealthy district" Xander shrugs walking over to me, he just grabs my hands.
"I didn't know, you turned to self-harm," he says
"It isn't self-harm harm, it's trying to keep in control," I say
"I'm not stupid Declan, what's up man, I can't be your shrink because fuck those muppets but I can see if I can help you because this ain't normal, coming from the messed up fucker that literally tried to commit suicide in front of the entire panem," he says holding my wrist up
"I have Intermittent explosive disorder, the District diagnosed me when I was put too trial after my parent's deaths, so they threw me to the dark region and I was able to get medication, but it didn't really do much other than settle the anger episodes. I used to have real bad ones, I would destroy property and even hurt people, this isn't an excuse for my personality but without the medicine, my head is all over the place" he says
"Trauma and abuse can cause your brain to work in negative ways, I can understand how you feel, why didn't you tell me sooner so I can get medication sent you may not be allowed it in the games but I heard you punched the boy from four yesterday, that Cassia wanted to thank you personally but fuck that heathen, if you don't have the control, you can do something stupid and you aren't alone Declan," he says
"You guys wanted Aurelia with me because you think it can help me, I don't know if it is," I say
"Did you have a meltdown with her or when you were alone?" he says
"Alone," I say
"Exactly," he says
"And where were you we I needed to ask something, Brayen won't even talk to me" I say
"It's the way we mentor it's nothing personal plus I had to go out, and see, a special therapist since they are worried about my mental capacity after the incidents of last year, it's weird capitol therapists are more caring than the ones in the district, but now I know you're not just a dick maybe I will be more committed. Look after last year I just didn't want to get attached, yes I wanted Aurelia but maybe it's better I didn't get here she is a lot like Kaela it's scary but she is probably stronger than her" he says
"Seriously" I laugh, he just glares at me.
"Kaela ran several times, Aurelia took everything she got she is a sweet girl, I don't think victory is suited for her," he says
"Clearly it wasn't suited for you either, but look you are here," I say
"Actually you are a dick but you may handle victory better than others you clearly don't love your sister," he says
"That's not true," I say
"Or you're scared to admit it, I admit I would be too, in your situation I was literally mentoring my sister last year but your situation, is worse but that girl forgave you for killing your parents, she is one of the most gentle little things too but she is strong, a lot stronger then you," he says
"Then be her mentor," I say rolling my eyes fuck now he is guilt-tripping me maybe I should slit her throat in front of him and Brayen and see how they react.
I couldn't do that though "If I tell you this, promise me you won't tell Aurelia. you won't tell Brayen, even with Kaela I knew she wasn't ready but I was so caught in the fact of wanting to bring her out that I didn't realise what she went through, the nightmares, the pain, if it is close to the end and you two are still alive, let her go, whether is kill her yourself or run away, just ensure that who has her isn't going to kill her slowly," he says
"That's everyone Dude," I say rolling my eyes
"Not everyone, you want to protect her right but also don't want to die, after everything, she went through she won't handle victory, Kaela went through shit but now as bad as Aurelia, here is her real file, luckily Myren was able to find a boy Dalton give him protection if he gave us information about her. we tried to do that with your group too but they have disappeared or most likely have already been killed, this is her journal, if anything you were lucky you didn't get kidnapped because it was you, you would have died, you don't have the heart to survive what she did but you have the heart of killer I would get your medication, you should get going you don't want to be late," he says
"Hey Xander," I say he turns around
"Thank you," I say
"You have a heart Declan it's just buried in that anger and hatred, I relate" he says
"What if I lose her before I'm ready" I say
"Don't chase revenge it isn't worth it, you don't get any satisfaction from it?" he says just leading me out. He is right I will read her journal I want to know more about her she is very close off, Aurelia just stands up as Brayen pats her back once again not even glancing at me, Xander walks over to her gently putting a hand on her shoulder whispering in her ear as she just nods, who knows he might be saying the same thing to her, get her to kill me or leave me for dead. I would say I want to see her try but she doesn't have a killer bone in her little fragile body.
Maybe I do let someone take care of her for me but who?
I swear, one of the two whack heads spoke to her yesterday, she was even more frazzled than usual but I was too caught up in my own mid-life crisis to care if they got their hands on her. I couldn't imagine what would happen even myself I like my face and body. I don't really want it to be burned alive or cut apart so they are no, boys from four a no. I don't know about Dash and Winston they seem like nice guys but nice guys can be killers even my sister could be a killer.
The only person I can think of is Levin the hitman, he may not be the monster his file paints him out to be but I know he's a killer would I really make a deal with him, would I really forgive him for doing that.
I can't take Xander's advice.
The elevator ride is awkward silence, it's hard to start a conversation with her because there is so much to catch up on. I can't really bring up home because it's clear she would rather not remember, it so what else do I say. What's your favourite colour, social interactions aren't really my strong suit.
Cleary
"Are you going to practise today?" she asks
"I think it's better to stick together, I mean the more time we spend together the better right" I ask, she looks at me wide-eyed.
"I guess, Harley and Levin spoke to me yesterday," she says
"And you didn't tell me," I say raising my voice which gets her to step back.
"Because of that," she says
"I'm the brother. I need to know these things so I can protect you," I say
"No so you can protect your ass and have a shield, it's ten years Declan even you said it, what's the point of forming connections," she says I just grab her wrist not caring that we are in an elevator.
"I have Intermittent explosive disorder now I know that's no excuse for my behaviour but it means my mind is all over the place, I can't think straight, everything is cruel I say I don't mean it" I say
"So what I Just take the abuse then, I have all my life, let's just start fresh yeah, let's just think we were split up at different orphanages, we don't need to force this upon each other, if it comes naturally it comes naturally if it doesn't them it doesn't" she says
"Start fresh," I say. I don't know how long it will last I just follow her out
"What did they say to you" I ask
"Levin just wanted a deal, he didn't want me to tell everyone he has the files, and Harley he was upset you threw the rock away" she says
"Let me guess some voodoo rock or some shit, that's what he is right some voodoo believer, I don't know" I say
"A delusional curious boy who thinks he is helping people, I read a lot of books about psychology, I sort of had too," she says
"Did you know about me?" I say
"I had an idea but I guess I still get PTSD nightmares, the instant fear that someone will hurt me never ending memories so we aren't both stable" she says
"Can that help us, I mean your intelligence" I say
"Maybe but the Hunger Games are different even I don't know the emotions it's scary" she says
"I know," I say she just nods.
"It's the unknown isn't it not knowing if you would even wake up the next day I know the feeling it always plays in my head," I say
"I really thought you would dead, not the leader of the almighty outlaws, we thought you guys were barbarians, even a satanic cult" she says as we just sit at one of the survival stations look like Mr I light kids on fire is back playing with his favourite you, so charming that's the kid that parents would adore for their daughter to bring home, I am quite jealous
Jokes
Fuck that kid
"We like to have the fear factor but that's an insult" I say she just smirks the closest thing to a smile she has had maybe she is slowly warming up to me and I'm warming up to her.
Winston Conners 17, District 10 Male
Back home it was almost easy to get what I wanted people would come to me, they wanted drugs, drugs that shouldn't exist but somehow a few mates and my created it, went from dirt poor orphan boys to kings of the black market, I was the the dealer the one that could charm people, convince them that these drugs would be good that they are cheap
It's a lie those things fuck with your head I got a little loopy I felt I was on some sort of fairy floss bike in some La La La land it blocked pain but then I started to get violent, paranoid, I heard voices, I saw literally fairies I knew had to stop I went from drug addict to someone who is feared but it's not because I threaten or kill people it's out of respect I wasn't shocked my name was called with me gone the other two won't have their salesman they kill and mug I don't, it's how we work plus I'm the only one that fully knows how to make the stuff I was bored one day, we wanted to smoke shut but you have to be rich to smoke shit and morphling was banned ever since Aden was flagged as a flight risk so we thought why not make it our sellers then we become entrepreneurs
Mum and Dad wouldn't be proud not that I ever met them I'm one of the hundreds of children who were left at hospital hell I could have walked past my parents and never knew it's hard being a orphan in ten you get the bare basics and you don't get any love, lucky I formed connections I made brothers, brothers I won't get back to I might be physically strong you learn how to fight naturally on the streets because kids just mug ya for no reason, I don't see myself as a violent guy but I was quick to defend my self, it became second nature yet it doesn't mean I can wield a knife or bash someone to death, Mabel and I went to the weapon station earlier to to practise but then we caught the boy fro two the Blondie the only one in there talking his saw so we turned away he clearly saw us and now we are worried he will target us
He could be a druggo I know I saw a guy I sold viper scratch too draw a literal face on his hand and have a full on conversation with it but I didn't warn ti take the risk so now we are back at the note tying station where both of us can tie knows as I keep making eye contact with the boy from 7, Dash what a name but his my sort of guy Mabel is sweet bit I know I can't just depend on her maybe I rushed into itin thr firdt place Connor questioned it but I saw a cute little girl I couldn't ignore her but if we get another allie it makes things easier, I feel bad but I tend to like helping people I don't know why it will distract me too
"You can join him if you want" she says softly
"We, I let people come to me darling it's how you you get what you want" I wink I just want a alliance but I don't want to get rejected either that would be embarrassing and stain my very good reputation I'm no con man I just have a way with words, Im not one bit intimidating I'm described as a loveable goofball I may be tall but I'm lanky as hell but I have few guns I like to show off
"But that was for drugs" she says
"Same thing you know I can read it he will come, we will look too desperate to make the first move" I say, I know why he hasn't approached the careers, they are intimidating like the boy from four struts around like his king fuck Tutt or something while the boy from just stares at people for minutes and right things down, the boy from one is the tallest one here I mean his guns may not be as good as my bad boys but even the look on his face he doesn't seem like the guy that will take shit and I was a trouble maker but in my in day might need to leave Mr I will shoot you with a gun alone talk about leaving alone let's get onto the Charming boys for two
We still haven't got their files but even if they have seemed tamed mostly well I know they aren't, we had drug in addicts in ten they whack these two though fuck they will destroys the whacks it's why I didn't want to alert them, there are no alliances bigger then pairs it's a big more calmer now that all the careers are gone only the pair from nine in here they clear has the same idea as us avoid the careers, if the twos are in there or at least the one who isn't laughing and air hi giving a flame right now I want tot o stay away but clear pryo boy wouldn't even here a fire alarm with how involved he seems in one little conversation
"They scare me" she says gently we both have this juvenile innocence to us I am a 17 year old man baby and ain't afraid to admit it a boy has to what his go to
"Same, we fucking run and hide that's for, I doubt they would take viper scratch" I say not that I have any but I can easily make it that could be idea I just chuckle imaging Harley or Rory on drugs but then I believe there won't be arena because that stuff does things to your brain like I have tattoo and I don't remember getting that tattoo it's pretty cool tattoo though but it fucking hurts since it's hard ti get proper tattoos in ten that won't cause infection
I think I also dyed my hair blue for a few weeks until I washed it out, don't even know how I got my hand stuff it's why I didn't take it anymore giving it to some else well that's their choice
"That would be funny, maybe you can ask for it" She says
"I told Connor about it he thought he meant I had a viper called scratch on gnat little fella" I laugh I admit I was little disappointed I didn't get Aden, Connor is great and all when it comes to emotional support but Aden knows how it is to survive, he was a street boy too he could have helped me a little more then Connor I mean at the end if the day he did bring Aden out but let's get real must of that was him it doesn't seek to hard to press a button and send a silver thingy with a parachute
She just smiles, I just make eye contact with the big form nine looking away quick yeah well ah that dude doesn't like people staring at him tuck me dead his look would make me wasn't to put a restraining order him Jesus Christ are there any normal boys this year the boy form one seems normal yet a gain he got himself stuff in the ropes course before luckily for him no one else really sure since his district partner pretty much told us to fuck odd with his looks
"Are there any normal kids this year" I say I'm predicted in the top 8 I was a hand chosen, apparently Mabel wasn't makes sense why would they choice her unless she is some secret psychopath but when we she touched a knife yesterday to help us in a survival challenge she panicked little girls don't like sharp objects clearly I don't mind a knife it's good to threaten people with it if you jab it at them and say I'm going to stab your fucking face they listen have I don't that
Well no
Well I hope two years of my life were well a little blank duck I even had a picture with the mayor during that time don't know how I got that I tried to sell it sadly no one wanted it can't blame them the mayor isn't the most loved person or was the old I don't fucking no it was centuries ago
Mabel just nudges me as I look up, as Dash walks over and both the nines start watching I don't what to make of Declan is he villain or just a asshole, he has been nicer to his sister today I swear he hit her about four times yesterday and she just took like it was normal today it's been different, I swear he actually laughed at one point today like his a different person although he could have been at two watching him is quite funny and intriguing, I'm just to scared to be caught laughing at me he tends to throw matches, I like my body I would rather it not get burned alive that's the last seat I want
"Dash" The boy from 7 says
"I'm Winston, and this is Mabel, feel free to sit" I say, I know I had to a,most take leadership in this duo, besides maybe the twos who don't see to have a real leader well one, all the other pairings do I don't know if that would put a target on my back either but I guess dash has a background of being a street leader it means I can just float in the background not that I'm using him or Mabel as stupid as it is I want friends, the prospect of dying alone scares me, sometimes death is quick but other times it hadn't ever since Aden's game the girl that placed like 3rd always had a slow death they were mercy killed but they weren't alone even if I'm in the company of my killer
I don't want to die alone
I'm not the best at reading people but there is a lone between the well the threats ones are sadistic and ones that want ti get the job done, district is a bit hard to really read, they are keeping to themselves they aren't causing trouble maybe they just want peace I can respect that don't poke a dog with a stick they say, in ten we would say don't poke a bull with a stick because ur actually hurts as hell I was kid my head that say too, my mates have a whole photo album of all the crazy shit I did I was a mad man, I mean if I wanted to win I should take viper scratch if means I have no fear bur it isn't worth it not one bit
"Fuck this year seems crazy doesn't it" he says
"Tell me about it, all the cryptic it makes me nervous" I say
"Same I'm normally use to a group but being here with less numbers and a district partner I barely see it made me nervous, then I saw you two, it's quite cute really" he says
"Got to look after the little ones" I say just briefly wrapping my arm around Mabel who smiles she has gotten a little nervous when around people, I mean for her this world would be scary and a rude awakening she would have grown up in the pleasant areas she wouldn't have seen what I see but the streets in 10 are nothing like 7 or 9 that's a whole new world it's while I'm a little hesitant on dash but I know a good guy when I see one I don't put my truest in people easily it was easy to trust Mabel she is a innocent little girl
"I know that feeling, would you two be willing to join it doesn't have to be the whole games but for as long as we can" he says nine are still watching even now Rory has stopped and is watching but it's more like a daze he could just be day dreaming I do that a little bit you should have to be careful who you stare at some don't appreciate it as much as others
"Of course" I say shaking his hand as Mabel does the same
"So your file cause you a pacemaker I don't know what the fuck that is" I say
"A leader of a group full stop of misfits, trying to not be rebels but try to make the district a better place, we do get into a lot of shit, but it's working don't worry im not some maniac, what about you two" he says looking at Mabel
"Just a farm girl" she says
"The best I know" I say
"We never met before this" she chuckles
"Isn't ten small" he says
"Fuck no man, it's like the third biggest district behind 2 and 9, it's because of the farmland, half the district isn't inhabitant but it's surprising how much animals we actually have, by the way Dude don't try to ride a chicken" I say Mabel and Dahs just laugh he seems a lot more relaxed and chilled them his appearances is he has this sort of tall dark and mysterious persona about him, at least he won't be easily missed like there are so many blondes these years the scary thing is someone could maybe get me confused with Harley from behind we are similar build
His hair is a bit dark but what if someone tries to sneak attack him but it's me instead I guess it's something I can't worry about
"7 is like that half the district full of forest" he says
"So that means you can use a weapon" I say
"A little bit so what about you, heard your a drug dealer" he says
"Pays the pills you know don't worry I was a ex addict not anymore, put if you do win you have to try viper scratch" I say, not that the capitol know about it, the district knew but they couldn't link us they were just worried about Aden or Connor getting their hands on it not that Aden seems like the drug type but at the end of the day that was the old me
"I will put that on my bucket list" he smirks
It's a big If for all of us because at the end of the day only one will make it out
Cedric Lenlen 16, District 1 Male
Damn being here makes me really glad I was born in one yes my life was good shit, I was hated but seeing some of the other tributes, how they are so far on the wrong side of the tracks maybe I dodged a bullet or maybe just hanging onto my family more I should have, was a blessing in disguise maybe being a try-hard helped me more than I thought, won't help me survive though.
Levin and I have been sort of floating room from room, he wants to analyse every tribute, and I'm too much of a scardy cat to go into the weapons station alone. When I walked in before Stellan was slicing everything apart with his fucking whip, yes a fucking whip, me being the idiot go so nervous I literally tripped over, which unfortunately for me was into the saw station to see Harley just skin a dummy with said saw, then he just waved it in my face pointing to the door warning me to well fake off, I'm probably lucky I'm alive, so then I bolted so fast I accidentally went into the girl's bathrooms.
Which are actually a lot nicer than the males but the bathrooms in the capitol are fucking fancy even in district one the bathrooms aren't too smash hot, I mean it's only a bathroom, we only get hot water three times a week but again sadly for me, the little girl from ten was harmlessly walking out from her stall, so I gave her a heart attack and now probably look like some freak, so yeah it has been an eventful morning, so then like the idiot I am I sprinted back into the survival station falling over in front of like 6 tributes but thankfully no one really cared.
Fuck I need a coffee not that I liked coffee that shit was like drinking dishwater but considering tap water tastes like dishwater, I am used to it but damn, how am I meant to survive the games if I'm like this, I really need to relax but I don't know, I never was able to even now I'm trying to keep a straight face trying to be happy, it still doesn't change the fact I could be dead in a day or two.
"You all good buddy" Levin chuckles after I run back to him
"Ah yeah look man, this is ah you know embarrassing, but can you come with me to the weapon room I'm scared," I say terrified actually. I expected him to burst out laughing and call me a coward but he didn't, he said he would come with me but I wanted to go on my own and at least find a weapon I'm not a total failure with so I wouldn't embarrass myself sadly it didn't go to plan.
None of my plans well go to plan.
I'm still career I did the training, and I know what the games are about, Levin and I have a plan, well he has a plan. He did tell me but I think I got distracted again, might have been by district two because both creep the fuck out of me or the girl from 9, who I seem to already have a crush on like fuck. I might have a thing for blondes but besides the awkward smile when she caught me staring at her for four straight minutes and when she helped me up yesterday, we haven't spoken but I know that smile, well I think I do it probably is an I catch you staring at me creep but I'm going to be a nice look, she is from district nine and reading her file, she has been through hell and back when it comes to males between 16-25.
Plus I am in the damn hunger games, I couldn't even ask Sarah out. I wonder if she is thinking she probably couldn't care less thinking about it now I think she was just being nice, and Kenzo, I do miss him, it's sad my first friend was an old man and even sadder that a hitman that kills people for the bling bling is being so nice to me. I still don't know if I trust him 100%, he has been transparent, he has shown me all the files, and he told me the deal he made with Aurelia and the none verbal deal with twos but it still doesn't mean he will die for me.
Of course, he won't and I don't expect him to, he has so much more to fight for, I have family as well but if I win what's the point, they will come back to me like I'm their beloved son ignore all the mental pain they put me through by making me feel like a failure, making me feel unloved.
Yet if I win it will be like nothing happened, but I remember everything and maybe I am a little bitter but I need to start experiencing these negative emotions. I am in the Hunger Games after all, I need to start thinking like a killer.
Fuck that sounds weird, do I really think I can kill someone?
I don't know I mean I couldn't even defend myself in a fight, I let myself get beaten but there I knew I couldn't be killed, maybe knowing my life is on the line will spark the will to live inside me.
"Don't be embarrassed even I was a little nervous being alone in the strength room, I just hate how some of the files are blank, it's like everyone is hiding their true natures," he says
"You aren't," I say
"With you, I still need the cold act, if they think we are both soft and gentle, we could be easy targets," he says
"Who are our biggest threats?" I say
"It's a hard question to answer, you would say the most dangerous tributes and the two no one would want to be at mercy at are the boys from two, they are tight as brothers and have a history of killing together, the captiol were also kind to add photos of their kills, I took them away before you can see them though but they aren't a threat of winning they don't want to win. The nines probably have the most determination and rough upbringing but again you cut one and the other one will weaken. Stellan wants to live but he is too arrogant, I would say Kylian is a threat, the fact no one even seems to catch onto him. It does unnerve me I can see the killer in his eyes but not everyone else here is a killer" he says
"What is it like ending a life" I ask it's a question, I always wanted the answer to.
"Do you want the truth?" he says
Please don't tell me you are a sadistic maniac, please don't tell me that.
I just nod "Relax kid, I'm not going to say anything bad I'm probably not the best to ask, I have killed so many people it just becomes numb, it's second nature I shoot them, then move on, it's a job for me maybe killing someone out of malice is different, my first kill, yeah that sticks with me but some people just know how to hold their emotions in. I lost a lot as a kid losing my innocence was another sacrifice I had to make. I don't expect you to kill but if you do it won't make you a monster just remember that" he says
"What's it like to die?" I ask
"That got morbid quick," he chuckles as I just smile back at him.
"That I don't know and I don't really want to know," he says
"I'm just curious you know, I mean you have to prepare for the worst of everything, I woke up a little more positive I don't know why maybe because my mentor is being nicer" I say
"Because he realised you are a fighter," he says
"You know how many times you saved me" I say
"Sometimes taking the hits is stronger than fighting back, we can try and practise a little bit, I'm confident with my sword use but we need to find you a weapon," he says
"How do you know my knife skills are so shit," I ask
"A few of the targets were in the centre so I had to watch, you were a bit distracting," he says
"Why thank you" I say winking we just stand up as Rory just nods on the way out, weird very weird.
"You don't think she would tell people don't you," I say, I don't know if I trust Aurelia or her brother, I mean if I was in their position and not the awkward clutz I am. I would have told people painted a target on a big threat back but I was also not smart. Levin is right I didn't survive hardship I had an easy life, he didn't, I wouldn't imagine living in the slums in District One it's like a nightmare. They even have it gated up it reminds me of 12 from what I have seen on the screens and this is in district one. I commend him for actually surviving I know how people treat the slum folks, adults spit on them, teenage boys attack them, you can't go into a shop, it's not a good life at least I was ignored, invisible.
Here I wouldn't be.
"She can just mean she is my number one target. I do have a spiteful side she wouldn't be stupid," he says
At least his being honest the more I'm with him, the more I learn that I should just trust him, to not be conflicted again if he wanted me dead he wouldn't play games, he wouldn't be so honest, he wouldn't tell me things I could use to kill him not that I would I look at him then look at me and I would wet my pants I'm not a short kid and even if he isn't built like Thor he is well built.
We just walk into the weaponry room, thankfully Harley is gone, and Stellan is still here but he seems more focused just using that creepy ass whip, charming, very charming.
"Is a whip an easy weapon to fight" I whisper as even Levin watches.
"It makes him more erratic but I would rather fight a whip than a sword, you can take a hit to the whip it hurts but not as much as a sword, but you seem to have good pain tolerance," he says
"Experience I guess," I say
"Besides the knife, are there any of the weapons you have tried?" he says
"I did craft a bow, sometimes I used to go out in the forest and shoot for fun, I made a little target I was pretty good," I say
"It could make us stronger you being long-ranged and me being short, and if you do have to kill, it makes it easier to do it from the distance you don't need to touch your target or get blood on your hands," he says. he does have a good point if I have to be a killer then at least if I do it from a distance it might.
He leads me to the bow and arrow.
"Woah is this actual metal, wow mind blown," I say and he just chuckles.
"I think I know why you weren't good with knives, you were you use the posture a bowman uses, it doesn't work with that type of weapon, this is a little lighter than the wooden one, just fuck be careful," he says when I grab it almost falling over.
"Got ya," I laugh I actually did almost falll over but he doesn't need to know that.
"I really hope you don't accidentally stab your self," he says. I just awkwardly smile look I wouldn't be shocked wouldn't that be an embarrassing way to go, killed by stupidity but I mean it's probably better than getting killed by a whip-like I know it can actually kill you but sometimes it doesn't, I have seen people get publicly whipped but they didn't die. I guess it could be used to punish someone although a lot of lashes can cause blood loss and maybe internal damage fuck how do I know all, this oh yeah the academy videos on how to kill someone. I fell asleep then my face was glued to the table I had a mark for weeks, and I had to wear makeup when I went into the cafe, like dudes don't wear make up, thankfully no one noticed.
"Just move your legs apart a little bit more and relax your shoulders" Levin says
"Is there any weapon you can't use my guy?" I say
"A whip," he says we both chuckle as I just focus please don't miss, please don't miss.
I just open my eyes.
"I actually hit the dummy," I say
"You were close to the heart too, it wouldn't be an instant kill and with the medication they could survive but it's a wounding shot, there is really only one wound no one can ever survive from unless you are like not human," he says
"A headshot," I say he just nods, sadly I am human.
"I use to go for them in training but I was never accurate enough it would just fly over the head," I admit
"Then aim lower anywhere nose up will kill, and the speed of the arrow causes it to move up, How?, I'm not exactly sure never really studied the science of it but it's worth a shot" he says, I do what he says.
"I got it," I say
"See you just needed proper guidance" he says
"What if we get ambushed" I ask
"Then you either run as fast as your clumsy legs can get you so you can get a better advantage or fight we can't really predict what will occur, even if we have the advantage, it's still hard to tell how people react in this type of environment, I have never been really challenged before even I'm scared of how I will react," he says
"You are right, just think on the bright side right," I say
Stellan just walks past staring at us and smirking as I expect Levin to do something but he doesn't "He won't last long, guys like him don't realise that their weaknesses are ones that can be easily exploited but it's obvious his partner has him on a leash" he says
"What's my weakness," I say
"Hitting me with the hard questions aren't you," he says
I just shrug awkwardly smiling "You are insecure, you question yourself and deep down, hate yourself it will make you hesitate and you go in thinking you are as good as dead, when you are not," he says
"Everyone else hated me," I say
"That's rich people for you, where I grew up it was a community, we didn't care that we had little because we had each other" he says
That's the sad thing when I did I would die never knowing how it feels to truly belong.
Harley Tandley 16, District 2 Male
"You interest me, kid"
It took exactly 10 hours for the moronic so-called, villain the boy from 4 to approach one of us, he has sort of been quiet more, trying to intimidate people in the weapon room. Just like how when any of the weaklings went in and saw me and bolted in their defence I did zone a little bit and started talking to one of my friends. I do miss junior but this saw I called spike, his not a bad guy, he gave me some advice, the saws in two are different then here, these ones aren't as sharp and the pattern is off but if I don't get junior back I guess spike will have to do. I did want to chase a few people with my saw since I liked doing that at home but I know I have to act at least somewhat normal.
Unless the pretty little thing from 9 told everyone my secret but I walked past one of the boys from 6 and he didn't run, if I act normal I seem normal, so that's why I knew I had to leave the weapon room when I saw the pair from one walk in I panicked and left. I know Levin has our files, Aurelia didn't need tell me I put the dots together. Everett said they gave it to two tributes this year he didn't know who Aurelia only told me in fear because I had her cornered. if four had it we would all know, but Levin his a hitman he is smart even if I see right through his cold act.
I was going to threaten him but I don't feel like it, I don't feed off fear or intimidation. I feed off human pain and suffering, I was able to kill again last night just an avox but it did help me a little, being locked up isn't do well for my normal stable mental health, it's why they knew keeping me locked up was a bad idea I was spiralling.
I don't look at Stellan I just look at the book about human decapitation, I got bored of training, Rory and I knew we would be able to see and hear more, if we are separate, we aren't very good at social norms but we can read peoples it's how I chose my targets. I knew the ones who needed help so I gave them the cure of life, but here, some deserve to go to hell and some like the girl from nine is just a victim of circumstance. I called dibs I don't know why I have some obsession over her but it isn't a healthy one maybe because the last girl from 9 killed someone who was like a brother to me, a mentor, I wouldn't say father because I wouldn't want anyone to be like my father plus he was only a year older but that girl from nine I don't know she is just special.
"Don't touch me" I growl when he goes to grab my arm, he pulls away quickly as I sigh in relief we are almost like animals, we want to be in peace. I saw it with the wolves in two they would never attack people on purpose, if you didn't go into their territory or attack them, they kept away until they wanted to help them anyone was a target I don't really know how I chose my victims some days I woke up and wanted to kill a child, some days I wanted to skin alive a female, some days I wanted to cut about a male and recreate his body. I would mix limbs up then bury them like Frankenstein.
"Sorry kid, I just wanted to have a chat, Your partner showed his true colours, you however, you make me interested," he says I really want to skin his face off right now and put on an uglier one on that is after I cut out all of his organs and bones which can be skinned as well. I have tried it before it's a bit hard to rip bones out I get a bit messy but I like being covered in the blood well fresh blood when it starts to get all dry, that's when I start to hate it.
It does interest me how the blood almost dies when a person dies they bleed out but that's only when the wound occurs, once they die it stops that's why I wanted to be a doctor, the human body does interest me there are so many more parts to it. I remember my father bought me this little kid surgeon toy set but even as a kid I wanted to cut real humans, I never cut up animals though I liked animals they were cute and innocent, unlike humans.
He said it wasn't normal, but I was normal, I'm probably one of the most normal people in this fucked up society mainly because I know how fucked up it is.
Stellan, I wouldn't send him to a better place I would destroy his body so badly that not even Satan himself will welcome him he will go to death prison and that's worse than hell not that I would go to heaven for what I have done, I'm an angel after all, I will go to an even better place.
"Do you like reading?" I say.
I don't like people leading the conversation. I like leading the conversation like I did with Aurelia, I liked her hos spoke to me like she knew me, and maybe she is my forever girl. I know Rory had a girlfriend, I saw him one day talking to that girl I was a little jealous but I knew he wouldn't have chosen her over me if he did well that would have been a knife to the heart but I trust him more than anyone. He found love, why can't I?
Sadly I can't get her alone again to gift her a rock since her brother is glued to her hip I don't like him, she needs someone who will look after her, not use her, and not hurt her. And when I mean look after her, play with her a bit since I am curious when it comes to lol girls then maybe I will help her, the poor thing won't be able to survive with the mental torture of her scarred life. I also call myself a budding psychologist, some people need a little bit of a push, need to lose a leg or become paralysed to be able to be cured but some don't need physical things.
Their minds and souls are already broken and you can't fix what's broken, that's what heaven is for, to look after them.
"Reading is boring, what I do like is killing, I can see a little bit of killer in your eyes plus the book you are reading, one of my personal favourites," he says
"The art of decapitation, is a very interesting art people believe a sword straight to the neck is what does it, but there are other ways of it, like sawing into the neck, it's a really slow and painful death too it starts by having your throat slit, the blood starts pouring then you can't breathe, the throat closes in and the pain gets worse, then the actual throat gets cut open, that's when it gets really bad then bam headless, you know that a head can survive 3 seconds without the body. I never knew why I only found out when some boy blinked, you can also rip a head off that takes a lot of strength and time but it's possible, even a hammer can get a head off, I would like yo your headless corpse rolling into the swamp it's where you belong" I spit
I finally got a reaction a little but just a touch of fear in his bright blue eyes that rattled him. I am proud I can even feel him tense next to me
"Creative, I don't mind torturing people," he says
"That's good for you, why are you really here. I know my partner's little let's say outburst may have ruined our flying under-the-radar plan, but I'm not one to put all my cards on the table, you may think you are this villain you look like a pretender" I say. I just dodged the blow of his fist, barely, because to be honest, I didn't expect him to be so stupid.
"You really want to start a fight kid" Stellan yells, alarming a few of the outers.
"Don't need to, I will see you in the afterworld, only you will be buried under mud" I say then I slam a knife into his leg, twist it just running off, look I probably will get told off for that but training is over and it's not like I killed him, I wanted too but I didn't.
I don't need to hide, I just slam into someone "Hi again" I say
Aurelia just scrambled backwards good no big brother around, luckily for her my knife is still stuck in Stellan's leg not that I would ever hurt her, well not yet anyways.
"Nice to bump into you again" she says I know that's a lie but to be honest I like the effort. No one goes out of their way to lie or be nice to me they just scream or fall into my false sense of security.
"You don't let anyone kill you before me, okay, I want that honour," I say she steps back when I step closer but she tries to ignore it. I know they teach girls not to get nervous under threat to stay strong, that monsters like me feed off fear.
I don't feed off fear
I just feed off the pain, and death, the more I help, the stronger I feel, and the better I feel because I know I'm helping the community.
"I won't" she stutters
"Good girl, oh don't go in that room, I stabbed the boy from four in the leg, he is a bit well angry," I say
"Hey stay away from her"
Oh there is big brother, lucky for me I'm not alone, so he can get occupied and his sister can be all mine.
"He wasn't causing me trouble, he just warned me not to go in there," she says. Declan just looks at me growling then pulls her away like she is some object to him, the only object she will be is mine.
"Hey kid, what did I say at the start" I just look to see the head trainer walk towards me as I just start to get nervous I don't do well under pressure, that's why the doofus got stabbed in the leg in the first place, he provoked me, he doesn't scare me though no one besides the reapers scare me. Living life in fear it will just drown you but it doesn't mean I don't feel nervous, that I don't feel emotions.
"Don't kill anyone, you didn't say don't stab anyone," I say
"I said don't kill anyone or fight anyone," he says
"Exactly he isn't dead and it was a provoked attack, can you ask him if I can have my knife back, thank you," I say bowing my head and then walking out. Declan rolls his eyes when we walk back in as I just salute him and then I shuffle back to Rory.
"I heard angry yelling northwest from here" he mumbles
"Boy from four, let's send him to the death prison in the most brutal way possible," I say.
I do have lists in my head of people who wronged me, when I wake up in a really bad mood I target those people. I don't help them, then I take photos of my work and put them in my little scrapbook. I don't even have that book either, my favourite death was when I put some guy in the washing machine with poison the aftermath was a lot of blood, flesh and gore, I then put the pieces of him the blender, I didn't drink it since I'm not that insane instead I put them in empty baby food jars that I found in the rubbish bins and put them back on the grocery shop shelve. I normally don't dumpster dive but you find a lot of things in there.
I sometimes throw bodies there too, I also found spray cans where I put the blood in and spray painted the walls, making myself a little moral
"Then burn him to death, did he hurt you" Rory says
"No it's okay don't start anything I have done enough" I say it's us against the world you hurt once of us you hurt the other we are for ever blood brothers nothing will break the bond we have
He just pats my shoulder going back to trap building we have learned how to build traps too, sometimes we just set one and see if a victim passes it even if our kill sheds are away from each other we do have a certain meeting point some days it's hard to find a obvious target so one's that happened to be at the wrong place at the right time are normally the best ones
"I think we should kill together the entire time make a statement it will be our last time" he says
"You are right, we won't give them a show but I never enjoyed killing when it wasn't with you" I says he smiles at me, people asked how we got so close I guess when you grow up as a kid who is seen as screwed and evil no one gives you a chance everyone judges you but we clicked the second we were roommates even before we were able to go on our killing rampages we were locked up, isolated we only had each other we have never been violent to each other he is the brother I never had
The bell goes, I'm not too annoyed with our current placing, it's obvious we scared everyone and they know not to mess with us, even if I don't want everyone to know everything about me because even I confuse myself it won't entirely annoy me secrets aren't always too be kept hidden and ones who keep their true identity a secret are the ones who get burned
Like Kylian
I am a am budding psychologist for a reason I'm good at reading people I'm also good at playing them like a fiddle