At What Cost?
Summary:
Anakin was never put in the suit but he did turn to the dark side. When his son Luke finally saves him and helps him find his light, Anakin is confronted by faces from the past. As old mentor and padawan reunite, Anakin reflects back on all he has done and his life without Padme whilst trying to win over his daughter.
Chapter 1: Fighting for Family
Anakin stood at the tomb of his wife in the city of Theed, Naboo. A wife he spent the last 20 years longing for, a wife he spent the last 20 years mourning over believing she died at his hands. He had spent the last 20 years full of hatred and anger, anger towards himself for losing the one thing he swore to protect. All he wanted was her love and he felt so foolish to have allowed his fall.
Tracing his fingers into the carved stone where his dead wife lay, swallowing hard he looked down at her. Her portrait in the strain glass windows that allowed the moonlight to shine through. How he would trade places in a heartbeat. She had no wrong doings, the purest soul and a beautiful heart. He had accepted his punishment, a long life of regret, anger, pain and suffering - that was his destiny, she was at rest, in peace. He was just glad she had not lived to see what he had become though it pained him that their final moments together, her final moment with him, was of hatred, of pain caused by him. That his final words to her as he choked her were nothing of loathing and corruption. All he could do now was hope that she did not die thinking he did not love her because that was all he did.
"I miss you…" He whispered, allowing a small tear to roll down his cheek as he looked down at the carved out portrait of Naboo's old queen.
"I think she forgave you a long time ago, father."
The 44 year old former Jedi Knight turned his head slightly when he heard the voice of his 19 year old son come from behind him. How his heart was like Padme's. Anakin's lip began to curve into a slight smile, though it was a smile of pain and regret.
"Your mother is not capable of ill will, son." he admitted, looking down at the tomb once more. "Her heart is too pure." Anakin added, his tone soft, his voice cracking. He missed her so much and he hated himself for the pain he had caused.
"I wish I had the chance to meet her." Luke said to him, unintentionally stinging Anakin who had clenched his jaw at his words. There was living proof that he had torn his family apart. He didn't even know if Padme had the chance of meeting the twins before she died. All she had wanted was to become a mother and he took that from her. He had taken everything from her all because he was too afraid of everything being taken from him.
"She was so excited to meet you, there wasn't a day that I wasn't with her where she didn't talk about you. The both of you. How she'd come to Naboo and raise you here. All she ever wanted was to be a mother." He said softly, smiling gently at the thought of his wife and her pregnancy, though it scared him deeply, he always found it the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
Luke swallowed hard, he could see on his face the pain that his father held.
"You mustn't blame yourself any longer."
"You speak of what you do not know. It was only the choices and actions of my own to blame."
"You mean the choices of Vader."
"You saved me but it is time to accept that Darth Vader is who I am…was…" It was clear his father was still struggling but Luke would get through to him.
"You defeated Vader the moment you decided to stop the Emperor. You made that choice, you. Anakin Skywalker, no one else."
Luke's tone made Anakin's jaw clench. "I am not discussing this with you here." He said simply. "Let your mother be at peace." He whispered walking away from her tomb knowing he did not want any part of Padme's resting place to hold any negativity.
Luke had followed his father down the long bridge and towards the woodlands where they were staying. "Father. You cannot run from this. Anakin Skywalker lives and it is your true nature." Luke told him again. Anakin just stopped in his tracks and turned to his son.
"And how long do you think it will be until the galaxy realizes that the man who caused them so much pain is still breathing?" He asked his son truthfully. "Do you truly believe I'm going to be around much longer?"
Luke sighed slightly, "You must have faith."
Anakin just dropped his head and sighed in defeat, he didn't want this harsh truth to be a reality but his son needed to know this. "Just because you see the good in me does not mean everyone else will. I was supposed to be their protector, instead I destroyed them. I cannot blame the outcome of any of this. I accept this is my fate, I need you to accept it too." He told him once more before walking away, running his hand over his face.
"I will not give up on you father!" Luke called to him.
Leia was sitting at the table, playing with her lip as she went over in her head the events of the last few months. She had spent the last 9 years of her life fighting the empire, she had lost many friends, watched as her home planet was destroyed at the hands of a man she hated so much, discovering that that same man was in fact her biological father and that Luke was her twin brother and destroying the empire all together. It was overwhelming and it was hard. Not the fighting, she had committed her life to her people a long time ago, fighting for them was easy. It was 'Vader is my father,' that was bothering her.
Han had come and sat with her, breaking her from her trance.
"Something bothering you princess?" He asked, with his stupidly dashing smirk. Placing his hands on her knees.
Leia just rolled her eyes and shoved his hands from her. "You're lucky you're handsome because the rest of you is completely dense." She said simply standing up to get herself a drink.
"Hey…at least you think I'm handsome." He said with a shrug, standing up too. "In all seriousness though. What is wrong?" He asked her. Leia just took a moment, looking into her half empty glass and twitched her lip the same way Anakin did when something was bothering him.
"I just cannot understand how Luke is so accepting of Vader." She blurted out. "After the pain he has caused, how could he be willing to still want to help him?" She asked rhetorically.
"Because he has a good heart?" Han asked rhetorically back.
"Are you saying I do not?!" She asked in defense.
"That's not what I meant." Han quickly added, moving his hands to her hips. "Perhaps Vader caused you more pain but you had a mother and a father who loved you. Luke didn't. Maybe he just longs for a father for a parent."
Leia swallowed hard. "I hate when you're right." She muttered. "But still! Just because Luke accepts him does not mean I have too! As you say, I have a father." She spat.
"Then don't but you will have to speak to him eventually. That you cannot avoid." Han told her, kissing the side of her head before leaving.
In the days that had passed, Leia had avoided both Luke and Anakin in fear that she would not be able to control her emotions or her words. Instead she sat looking over maps of the affected planets that needed rebuilding after the Empire. She was going to do all it took to rebuild this galaxy for what it was.
"I'm busy…and I simply don't want to talk to you." She said bluntly, not even looking at the person in the doorway. She could feel them. Anakin smirked slightly at his daughter's remarks. She was his daughter for sure.
"Then just listen." He spoke softly.
"No! I do not want to listen and I don't want to hear you beg for my forgiveness either!" She yelled, finally standing up and looking at him. It broke his heart how much he had hurt her.
He had no idea Padme was carrying twins and he hated himself for not sensing her sooner.
"I'm not here to beg for your forgiveness Leia, I know I do not have it nor will I ever have it." Anakin told her truthfully. "But I am sorry and I need you to know, even if you do not feel it, that I love you. I have loved you from the moment I found out about you and I will love you even after I am gone."
Leia's bottom lip quivered as she tried to hold her tears back.
"I need you to know that even in your hatred for me, I will always be there for you…I promise to do better Leia." He whispered. Leia just swallowed hard and looked at him before walking up to him, all she got when she saw him, when she was face to face with him was a flashback of the time Vader had her prisoner and tortured her, when he destroyed her home planet.
"When I was 10 years old, I asked Obi-Wan if he was my real father and he told me that he wished he could say he was." She said to him, "I didn't understand it at the time but now I do." She paused and clenched her jaw. "Because having him as a father is far better than being the daughter of a monster." She said firmly, before walking away.
Anakin looked down and swallowed hard, he'd be lying if he said that didn't hurt.
"I won't give up on you Leia." He told her softly before watching her go and letting out a defeated sigh.
