Reference to "Invisible String" by, do I even need to say it, Taylor Swift
~oOo~oOo~oOo~
"You're so beautiful."
This time, Crowley didn't pull away.
He just kept staring into Aziraphale's eyes, the air prickling with tension between them, growing as the seconds ticked by.
They had always been magnetic to him, Crowley's eyes. In their early years, Aziraphale had told himself it was simple curiosity that had him drawn in by their golden stare, later he could admit that it was simply Crowley and his golden heart behind those eyes that had Aziraphale caught in their gravitational pull.
Crowley's eyes had always been extraordinarily expressive, and perhaps that was why the demon preferred to keep them hidden most of the time, even to Aziraphale. The glasses were Crowley's defence as the flaming sword had been Aziraphale's, they were his armour and protection, his security and comfort, like Aziraphale's familiar well-worn waistcoat and welcoming book pages.
A reliable shield against the world to guard his heart.
But there were no glasses now.
Nothing to obscure Aziraphale's view from those eyes and the emotion within them. Something was raging in their depths, something profound and intense, but Aziraphale didn't shy away from it. Quite on the contrary. It made him want to drown in Crowley's eyes, to dive in and be swept away in the current of feelings they were holding.
He couldn't tear his own eyes away, hardly dared to blink for fear he might miss even the tiniest shift in Crowley's expression.
Aziraphale felt himself leaning closer, pulled in by that nameless power - and wasn't that just so pretty to think? That all along there was some invisible string, tying them together, their lives connected, paths intertwined like their fingers now resting on the bed between them.
His gaze finally ripped away from Crowley's for a second only, to glance down at the demon's lips, slightly parted so very invitingly, and the angel was just considering if it would be a terrible reach to lean in and see if Crowley would be amenable to another one of those fabulous kisses, his tongue darting out to wet his own lips - when the demon was suddenly on him with such unexpected fervour that Aziraphale nearly toppled backwards on the bed.
Crowley's mouth was pressing against his, more insistent than their first kiss had been, spiked with a new sort of hunger and desperation, and Aziraphale was indescribably on board with that.
He found his balance, leaning back into the probing of Crowley's mouth against his, hands finding their way around the demon's shoulders and up into his hair. Crowley made a sound like a hissed moan against Aziraphale's lips when he tangled his fingers in the flaming red strands and gave a slight tug, and yes, Aziraphale wanted to hear that again and again for the rest of his life.
Without thinking, he leaned back against the headboard, pulling Crowley along who followed without ever separating the seal of their lips, and suddenly he was sitting with his legs stretched out on the bed, and Crowley was climbing over them, climbing into his lap and oh good Lord-
Aziraphale's breath hitched at the sensation of Crowley's jeans-clad thighs settling on top of his own, the demon's back arching beautifully against him, long fingers flexing where they were digging into Aziraphale's shoulder, and it was all so much and not nearly enough.
His hands trembled as he dared to let them settle gently on Crowley's hips, those blessed slinky hips his fingers had itched to grab and hold onto every time Crowley sauntered down the streets of London, swaying them in the most enticing way, and now they were covered by Aziraphale's hands, and Crowley was pressing closer to him and holding onto his back and kissing his lips-
One of Crowley's hands had found the sensitive spot next to his shoulder blade, fingers clutching his waistcoat and nails biting slightly into his skin just where his wings were hiding on a different plane, and Aziraphale couldn't hold in the little gasp falling from his lips. Crowley took full advantage of his parted lips, his tongue sliding carefully into his mouth and meeting Aziraphale's own in a gentle caress. It was quick and unexpected and everything Aziraphale hadn't known he wanted until then, and he hummed appreciatively against Crowley's lips, chasing the demon's taste as he retreated to break their kiss.
Aziraphale's eyes fluttered open to meet stormy gold, Crowley's face flushed and panting for breath. His hair was tousled from Aziraphale's fingers running through it, his legs still spread open where he was bracketing Aziraphale's upper thighs, and Aziraphale just had the absolutely thrillingly absurd thought that he looked like he belonged there- when Crowley's eyes suddenly widened in panic, hands clumsily pushing against Aziraphale's chest as he scrambled off his lap and away, almost falling off the side of the bed in his hurry.
Aziraphale's chest ached at the sight, but he ignored it, worry spreading in his lower abdomen.
"A-Angel." Crowley stared at him like a deer caught in headlights. "Fuck, sorry, didn't ask-"
"Don't apologise." Aziraphale turned further towards him, scooting just a little closer, because he already couldn't stand the sudden distance between them. "You didn't do anything wrong, Crowley. Whatever is the matter, dear? Did I do something to upset you?"
"Wha-?" Crowley's brow furrowed, and he shook his head. "No! Course not, I just-" He waved his hand between them in a vague gesture. "Wasn't thinkin' properly, didn't ask- about any of it, and I don't wanna-"
He swallowed hard, pressing his eyes closed for a second.
"Did that once", he pressed out then. "Didn't work out so great."
Crowley lowed his eyes to his hands where they were nervously clutching the sheets, and Aziraphale's heart broke just a little more.
That first kiss. He's thinking of that first kiss.
"Oh, Crowley." Aziraphale leaned over to put his hand over Crowley's, soothing the tension out of the demon's tightly strung fingers. "My love. This isn't- it's not like that."
He smiled softly when Crowley looked back up at him.
"Listen carefully now, will you? You never need to ask", he said, shaking his head lightly when Crowley opened his mouth to protest. "Whatever you want", Aziraphale insisted, "it's yours to take."
And he meant it, wholeheartedly. What was a kiss, what were a few touches, compared to everything Aziraphale wanted to give him?
Take my kisses, he thought, my touches, my words. Take my whole body, it's nothing but a vessel to carry my love for you.
Take my heart, and all the adoration inside it. Take my life, my soul, if you want.
Take anything, everything.
It's all yours, anyway.
But Crowley squinted his eyes at him, bit his bottom lip.
"Careful there, angel." He pulled his hand from Aziraphale's, holding it protectively against his body as if he didn't trust it to reach out and take without permission. "You don't know what you're promising me."
Aziraphale almost had to laugh at that. Didn't Crowley know there wasn't a single thing the angel would possibly want to deny him if he were to ask for it?
"Whatever you desire", he said, firmly, insistently. "Say the word and it's yours. I mean it. There is nothing I don't want to give you, Crowley."
"Aziraphale-"
"Oh, my darling." He smiled gently at the stunned demon. He scooted over until his leg grazed Crowley's, reaching out to take the demon's hands in his as he pulled them from their guarded position close to Crowley's chest and up to his own lips, pressing gentle kisses to his knuckles.
"You sweet, silly serpent", Aziraphale smiled. "Do you still not understand that I am completely, irrevocably and...utterly yours?"
Crowley made a sound not unlike a wounded animal, fingers twitching violently against Aziraphale's, and it was like a dam broke behind his eyes just a second before Crowley was diving back in to capture Aziraphale's mouth in a searing kiss.
Aziraphale smiled against the demon's lips, kissing back with everything he had.
"What do you want, dearest?", he breathed against the corner of Crowley's mouth, peppering little kisses down his jaw, a hint of stubble catching delightfully against his lips.
"I-I want..." Crowley trailed off with a frustrated groan, shaking his head. "No, I can't. This is too fast, goin' too fast again, I-"
Aziraphale shut him up with a kiss, pulling impossibly closer as he let his hands stroke down Crowley's back soothingly, apologetically.
"I should never have said that to you", Aziraphale said, leaning his forehead against Crowley's as he felt his chest tightening with regret. "I was just scared. Foolish. I never thought you'd take my words to heart like you did-"
Never thought I meant enough to you for my words to carry so much weight-
But he should have known better, he should have-
"Oh my darling", Aziraphale breathed, eyes pressed closed, "forgive me once more, I beg you-"
"Angel-"
"You were never too fast." Aziraphale leaned back just enough to look at his demon, to see the emotion washing over his face. "You have always been so good to me. Much better than I deserved. I was just too terrified to catch up to you." He cupped the side of Crowley's face in his hand, thumb caressing his skin tenderly. "But no more of that from now on, I promise you."
He had been so blind all that time, so set in his ways, ways Heaven had imprinted in him. Had always felt the need to guard himself from getting too close when it came to Crowley, because Crowley was supposed to be his enemy, was supposed to be vile and misleading in his designation as the origin of all temptation.
In his heart, Aziraphale had always known better, of course, but this little voice in his head kept reminding him that Crowley had been cast out for a reason.
Now, Aziraphale knew for a fact that Crowley hadn't fallen because he was evil or even just because he had been misguided...perhaps he was the only angel to have fallen simply because he was too good. Too caring, too honest, too loving for any of them to understand.
And for some unfathomable reason, Aziraphale had come to be the most centric object of all that love and care, and if he had been a better angel himself, he should have known how to recognize it, should have known sooner to see and accept it as the priceless gift it was.
Instead, it had taken a demon of Hell to tear his chest open and offer his scarred, bleeding heart on a silver platter, and the angel who was supposed to be a being of love had averted his eyes in horror, acting like this purest of all expressions of love was a sin to be forgiven.
How conceited he had been.
How lost in deception.
And all it had done was hurt the most beautiful heart he knew.
"I don't want to be afraid anymore", Aziraphale said, a tear slipping down his cheek as he pressed a soft kiss to Crowley's lips. "I don't want to hold back anymore because I'm scared. Please."
He looked at the demon pleadingly, with all the honest longing in his heart.
"Please, help me stop, Crowley."
And Crowley - lovely, marvellous, beautiful Crowley - reached out and carded a hand through his hair, the sweetest, most soothing gesture- and then he leaned in and kissed the tear from Aziraphale's face, drying the damp trail with his soft lips.
I love you, Aziraphale thought, overwhelmed by gratitude once more that his heart had chosen this extraordinary being to love, and be loved in return.
~oOo~
Crowley's heart didn't know what to do with itself.
Aziraphale was looking at him with what was so clearly love in his eyes that it couldn't possibly be mistaken for anything else, and he'd waited so fucking long to see Aziraphale looking at him like that- it was quite overwhelming in the very best of ways.
The angel smiled at him, and Crowley could feel what was probably a crooked, dopey-as-fuck smile forming on his lips in return.
"You...eh." The corner of Crowley's mouth twitched. "You sure you want to be fraternizing with a demon?"
Aziraphale rolled his eyes at the little jab, smiling appropriately guiltily at being reminded of his wording all those years ago.
"Crowley", he said, his scoldingly raised eyebrow betrayed by the amusement sparkling in his eyes.
"Angel", Crowley answered teasingly, biting his lips to suppress a grin.
Aziraphale chuckled, shaking his head at him.
"Yes, dear", he said then, voice light yet serious. "I'm quite sure I want to do quite a bit of fraternizing."
"Heaven won't like it."
"To be frank-" Aziraphale set his jaw ever so slightly. "I don't much care anymore whether they like what I do or not. Or who I do it with, for that matter", the angel added, a hint of something in his voice that made Crowley's spine tingle.
His gut, however, reminded him uncomfortably that such a declaration couldn't be without danger for the angel.
He took a deep breath.
"I'm not gonna deny that I've waited a long time for you to say that", he admitted, and Aziraphale smiled knowingly. "Damn long time. But..."
"But what?"
"What if they hurt you?"
Crowley's chest clenched just at the thought. Losing Aziraphale to Heaven for a day had been worse than any torture in Hell. He couldn't even imagine what it would be like to lose him forever, now that he'd gotten him back.
"The Metatron can't have been happy you just...threw in the towel."
Aziraphale hesitated, but Crowley could see how he swallowed nervously.
"Not particularly, no", the angel said carefully, avoiding his gaze.
"So?" Crowley clenched his teeth. "You think they're gonna come after you?"
"I haven't really had time to think about it." Aziraphale's eyes flit back to his, a sad little smile hiding in the corner of his mouth. "I was far too eager to get back to you and...patch things up. They might, I suppose..." Aziraphale shrugged his shoulders, reaching for Crowley's hand once more to give it a gentle squeeze. "But we're safe for now, I'm sure. You know what Heaven is like, their bureaucracy is worse than the human's, they'll need days of conference just to decide what to do with me, let alone act on anything. If they consider me important enough to deal with at all-"
"What then, though?" Crowley gave the angel a firm look, pulling his fingers from his grip.
He understood why Aziraphale wanted to take this lightly, he wasn't eager to deal with a potential threat from Upstairs either, but there was no denying that said threat might become very real and very fast.
"Aziraphale. This is Heaven we're talking about. The big H. Or one of 'em two, I suppose." (Had always been fucking confusing in the elevator, an H button for Heaven, an H button for Hell.) "Anyway. You just took off and left them hanging after promising to be their Supreme Archangel, for Hell's sake! They ain't just gonna send a rude note about stuff like that!"
They had seen first-hand what they'd done to Gabriel, after all, and he had served them obediently for thousands of years. Not to imagine what they might have in stow for someone as continuously...prone to rebellion as his angel.
"Crowley." Aziraphale gave him a gentle smile, but the gesture clearly meant to soothe him only served to rile him up more. "Let me assure you, I was fully aware what it might mean for me to leave them behind when I did and...I am still. I may not know the exact consequences of my actions of yet", Aziraphale granted, still smiling that damned smile, "but I'm prepared to face them once they come- should they come."
Oh, they will come. You can bet your tartan-patterned bow tie on that.
Perhaps Aziraphale was prepared to accept whatever there was to come for him. Good for him.
But Crowley bloody well wasn't.
"What if they make you fall?", he said harshly, making Aziraphale flinch slightly, but maybe the angel needed to have a little wake-up call.
"My dear-" Aziraphale pressed his lips together. "I don't believe they have that authority, but...I have considered the possibility."
"You've considered the-"
Was Aziraphale saying what Crowley thought he was saying? He couldn't be saying what Crowley thought he was saying.
"What's that even mean?"
"It means that I knew it could happen." Aziraphale sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a second before he opened them with renewed conviction shining in them. "And I'm willing to accept it."
"You're-" Crowley's brain felt like it had just short-circuited. Surely, he had misheard. Surely, Aziraphale hadn't just said- Surely-
"But..."
Crowley gaped, swallowing against his suddenly too-dry throat.
"But you love being an angel."
"I do." Aziraphale smiled, shoulders twitching in a tiny shrug, like it was no big deal, like he hadn't just proclaimed he was willing to give up everything he had known, everything that he believed to define his nature, something he admitted to loving-
"But I love you more", Aziraphale said, like it was easy, obvious, and Crowley couldn't breathe.
He couldn't fucking breathe.
"A-Angel-"
"Crowley." Aziraphale smiled that soothing smile again, a soft palm coming up to caress his cheek, and only then did Crowley notice that he'd apparently lost control over his face altogether, his eye twitching as Aziraphale's thumb brushed over his cheekbone. "If giving it up is what it takes to be with you, so be it", Aziraphale went on, and yeah, perhaps this was what a stroke felt like, Crowley supposed.
Aziraphale's smile was so gentle, his touch so warm.
"I will never regret choosing you, Crowley."
Aziraphale's words were a punch to his gut, a balm to his soul.
Crowley covered Aziraphale's hands with his own, soft manicured fingers slipping between his like they belonged there, and Crowley knew in that moment that he wouldn't allow anything to come between them again, would tear down the very fabric of the universe to keep his angel safe.
"I'm gonna hide you", it spilled from his lips before he could think about it, and fuck, yeah, that might actually-
"Come again?" Aziraphale tilted his head in confusion.
"Hide you", Crowley said again, a plan forming in his mind as the words left him in a hurry. "We can hide you. Like we did with Gabriel. Two of us, doing a miracle together so they can't find you, can't find us." It should work. It had to work, right? If it worked once, it could work again, it could- "If it worked for Mr Ex-Archass, it should work for you."
"They..." Aziraphale considered his words for a second, his face lighting up tentatively. "They did say that miracle we performed was powerful enough to have been of an Archangel's origin. It could work..."
"If we do it together, yeah."
"Together." Aziraphale's smile turned brighter, more enthusiastic. "But I want us to hide you, too", he added. "I won't let any harm come to you, Crowley, and certainly not on my account."
Whatever. Crowley didn't care.
"Fine", he agreed. "If we do it now, they'll see where the activity came from, though. They'll know you're here."
"Oh." Aziraphale smiled a tad bashfully. "They'd already know I'd be wherever you are, anyway", he said, and nope, Crowley didn't have time to consider the implication of that statement right now, that of course Aziraphale would be wherever Crowey was, always, naturally, no doubt about it, fuck-
"Right", he gritted out, filing that information away for later. "Okay then. Count to three?"
"While we're at it-" Aziraphale's brow wrinkled in thought. "What do you think about new seals on the flat, and the bookshop, perhaps? From the both of us? Just to be sure?"
He looked at Crowley for confirmation, and the demon grinned.
"I think that I like the way you think", he said, earning him a pleased smile.
"On three then, yes, dear?"
"On three, angel."
"One." Crowley took a deep breath, lifting his hand.
"Two." He held Aziraphale's gaze, the angel nodding at him.
Aziraphale took Crowley's free hand.
"Three."
