The Mayhem Critic

Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and welcome back to another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. It's that time again. It's time for Halloween Havoc VI. And to kick off Halloween Havoc VI, Sean the Mayhem Critic reviews Return of the Living Dead Part II, the sequel to the 1985 horror-comedy. With the first one focusing on both horror and comedy, this one is much more comedic and goofy like a Looney Tunes cartoon. Is this overlooked sequel stands as a fine little zombie movie? Well, then. Let's dive back into the 2-4-5 Trioxin barrel to find out. This is the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.

P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references belong to their respective sources. Return of the Living Dead Part II is owned by Lorimar Motion Pictures and Warner Bros.

Halloween Havoc VI Part I

Return of the Living Dead Part II

(The new intro to Halloween Havoc VI is shown. This year's Halloween Havoc parodies the intro to Unsolved Mysteries. It opens with Halloween Havoc zooming in on the screen, just as the original Unsolved Mysteries title did. Then, the theme to the show plays and we are treated to footage of The Return of the Living Dead)

Sean: (V/O as Robert Stack) 1985. The Return of the Living Dead was released in theaters and it frightened made audiences laugh...

(A picture of the movie's director Dan O'Bannon is shown, followed by the stars of the movie: James Karen, Clu Gulager, Thom Matthews, Don Calfa and Linnea Quigley are shown)

Sean: (V/O) ...under the direction of Dan O'Bannon and a memorable cast of characters. The film was described as a "mordant punk comedy", introducing multiple concepts like zombies eating brains and zombies being invulnerable to a gunshot wound to the head. And of course, the film's soundtrack was also memorable as well. The movie re-defined the zombie movie genre and it became a critical and box office success.

(Cut to footage of the 1988 sequel, Return of the Living Dead Part II)

Sean: (V/O) Three years later, a sequel is released, this time with the director of Meatballs Part II attached. With the first film focusing on both horror and comedy, this one goes straight into goofy territory and re-using stuff from the first film and even bringing James Karen and Thom Matthews added to the cast, which confused some people to why these two guys from the first film are in this one. So, how can a sequel be a re-hash of the original?

(Cut to the streets of Cincinnati, with Sean, walking up while dressed in a trenchcoat a la Robert Stack)

"Maybe you can help solve this unsolved mystery. I'm Sean Stack, and welcome to Halloween Havoc." Sean said while impersonating Robert Stack.

(We then cut to the title sequence, parodying the intro as the purple bars from that show are displayed, with the following words sliding down: "Mayhem Critic", "Brains", "Tarman", "Punk Rock", "Zombies", "James Karen Screaming", "Trioxin", "More Brains", "Naked Linnea Quigley", "Halloween Havoc". The bars disappear and the word "Reviewed" zooms into the screen, as we are then shown a montage from clips of films from past Halloween Havoc episodes. The screen fades out as the bars return to take their place in the center of the screen. The words "Halloween Havoc VI" appear on the screen, followed by the words "Hosted by Sean J. Archer".

The review begins as we see our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, who's in his Halloween Havoc outfit, which consits of his Stranger Things t-shirt, his demin button-down shirt which is open just to show off his Stranger Things shirt, a pair of denim blue jeans, his red, white and black Adiddas sneakers and to complete the outfit his pumpkin baseball cap.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one and welcome to Halloween Havoc." Sean said before he does his sinster laugh while the Castle Thunder sound effect is heard and eerie music plays in the background. "Look, I've said it before and I'll say it again: The Return of the Living Dead is awesome."

(Clips from The Return of thr Living Dead are shown in a montage)

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, you all remember when me and Lucas reviewed that movie three years ago. If you haven't read it, then go check it out. It's one of those movies that's a clever mix of horror, comedy and punk mixed into one film. It's one of those zombie movies that you have to check out. Plus, this movie changed the rule on zombies, headshots won't work on them. When the film was released in 1985, no one, especially Hemdale or Orion Pictures would've expected this movie to be a surprise hit. So yeah, you know a sequel was made, and how did it turn out?

(A clip from Return of the Living Dead Part II is shown)

(Tom picks up the zombie's by the handle of the screwdriver)

Zombie Head: Get that damn screwdriver out of my head!

"Well, it goes into levels of absurdity. More like a zombie version of Looney Tunes." Sean said.

(The title screen for "Return of the Living Dead Part II" is shown, followed by clips from the movie while the song "Flesh to Flesh" by Lamont plays in the background)

Sean: (Narrating) Released in theaters on January 15th, 1988, Return of the Living Dead Part II went on the goofy route. With Orion Pictures not proud of the movie, which is why they weren't involved in the sequel. So, the film's producer, Tom Fox, found a new home for the sequel which is Lorimar Motion Pictures and he got in touch with James Karen to tell him the good news about the sequel. Karen told Fox that he would love to be in Part II, unfortunately in the first film, his character died. But Fox told him that not a problem. Then, controversy began when Ken Wiederhorn, the director of Meatballs Part II, was brought on as writer and director of the movie, but he wasn't a horror fan, but he knew what he had to do. But here's the problem: it's the same thing as the first film. And you know how sequels work like that. Plus, the script wasn't initially written to be a follow-up to Return of the Living Dead, but they just slap on the name for it to be financed. Why was this film strange? Why is this film a re-hash of the first film? Will we see Linnea Quigley dance naked in a graveyard?

"Again, I would pay good money just to see that happening in that movie, but Linnea Quigley was busy making Night of the Demons. Which sounds like a good movie to be reviewing right now since they have it on Peacock and Tubi and I could probably order the Blu-Ray from Amazon. Matter of fact, I might do that." Sean said as he picked up his phone from off of the coffee table.

(The movie opens as we see a a U.S. Military truck transporting barrels of 2-4-5 Trioxin)

Sean: (Narrating) We open with some narration explaining the 2-4-5 Trioxin that wreaked havoc in the first film is being transported by the U.S. Military.

Narrator: In the fall of 1969, the Darrel Chemical company, under contract to the U.S. Army, conducted a series of secret experiments with a new biological weapon called 245-Trioxin. According to reports, the chemical was a catalyst in genetic reactification. What this meant and why Trioxin was useful has never been revealed. But one thing is certain, Trioxin was soon considered too dangerous and volatile even for experimental use. Interest in the lethal compound was abandoned several years ago, the Army will not comment other than to say all Trioxin has since been destroyed.

Sean: (Narrating) We see one neglegent Army idiot who lights up a doobie while listening to "Space Hopper" by Julian Cope on his Walkman, until he drives over a pothole, which causes the canisters of Trioxin to fall off the back of the truck.

"Okay, so you mean to tell me that the military can't afford to get another strap for the back of the truck to keep these highly dangerous canisters from falling out. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna say this: these are THE MOST DUMBEST MILITARY GUYS ON THE PLANET!" Sean said in a loud, deep and booming voice.

Sean: (Narrating) After seeing one of the canisters fall into a river, we cut to your typical 80s suburban neighborhood that's under construction. Either that or we stumbled across the set of E.T., we're introduced to our main character Jesse Wilson, played by Michael Kenworthy, as we see him grab a Spider-Man comic and he heads outside to give it to the neighborhood bully Billy, played by Thor Van Lingen.

"Ah, the 80s. Where comic books are your go-to currency to give to bullies. Also, as an avid collector of comics, that is not proper comic book care. You never fold a comic book in half, even if it is Spider-Man. You should always practice safe comic book care. Always have your comics bagged and boarded this. Why am I telling you this? Because it is important and it could save your life one day." Sean said.

Billy (Played by Thor Van Lingen): Good. Now you get to be a member of the club.

Jesse (Played by Michael Kenworthy): That's okay, I'm not the joiner type. You wouldn't want a guy like me.

Billy: We already voted. You're in.

Jesse: What do you know?

Johnny (Played by Jason Hogan): Do you want to see the clubhouse?

Jesse: Uh... I've got homework. My sister-

Billy: Too scared?

Jesse: Me, scared? (Chuckles)

"Oh, please. I stand in the face of fear. I'm not scared of anything." Sean said

"Hey, Sean." Taylor said as she entered the living room.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Sean screamed out as Taylor gave him a look. "Sorry, babe. I thought you were someone else. Don't scare me like that again! Even on Halloween Havoc season. What's the matter with you?"

"I was going to tell you that I'm going to put the Halloween lights on your mini Christmas tree in your office." Taylor said.

"Oh. Well, go ahead." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Billy and his crony Johnny, played by Jason Hogan respectively, take Jesse to a cemetery mausoleum to initiate him into the group. But, Jesse is having second thoughts about joining their group.

Jesse: Uh, I really gotta get back. My sister-

Billy: We got a meeting.

Johnny: I thought you weren't scared.

Jesse: That was before.

Billy: Initiation time.

(Billy pushes Jesse as Johnny grabs him. Jesse steps on Johnny's foot and breaks free and runs away from them. Billy and Johnny give chase as Jesse squeezes through a fence)

Sean: (V/O as Billy) Damn it! I can't get through that fence! When I catch you, you are so dead, butthead!

Sean: (Narrating) Jesse hides in a nearby storm drain but he ends up getting caught by Billy. And right when mini Biff Tannen gets ready to beat him up, Johnny stumbles across the Trioxin canister and he and Billy try to find out what's inside.

Jesse: I don't think you should play around with that.

Billy: Shut up, wimp! (To Johnny) Finders keepers, right?

Johnny: Yeah.

"Yeah, I think you should listen to the kid. That's probably not a good idea to mess around with that thing. You don't know what's inside." Sean said.

(Billy turns the knob on the side of the canister. The top opens and the three of them see what's inside, which is the Tarman. The three scream as they run out of the tunnel and jump into the river)

"See? I told ya." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Jesse wants to call the Army about it, but instead Billy and Johnny trap him and leave him inside the mausoleum. Can't the kid just kick the door open with all of his might and run home to call the military about it? Anyway, we're then introduced to a couple of grave robbers Ed played by James Karen and Joey played by Thom Matthews. Now, I know what you're wondering: didn't these two idiots turn into zombies and die in the first film? Well, they did. But here, they're playing two very different characters. They are dropped off by Joey's girlfriend Brenda, played by Suzanne Snyder, who I swear is the most annoying character in the movie.

(A montage of clips featuring Brenda are shown)

Brenda (Played by Suzanne Snyder): Oh, creep me out!/I don't wanna take it easy, Joey. I wanna go out and have some fun./Okay. Okay, that is it. I am out of here./Oh, but that's stealing./Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!/Joey, I am not into dead guys!

"I swear, this is the movie's version of Willie Scott from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." Sean said.

Brenda: You gonna be in there all night or what?

Ed (Played by James Karen): A couple of hours, tops. You wait here.

Brenda: Gee, that sounds really exciting.

Joey (Played by Thom Matthews): Take it easy, baby. No sweat.

Brenda: I don't wanna take it easy, Joey. I wanna go out and have some fun. So will you just hurry up?

Joey: Okay.

(Brenda sighs and runs over to Joey)

Brenda: And will you be careful too, please?

"And make sure that you don't turn into a zombie. I'm not saying that it's going to happen to you again. I just want you to be safe." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Jesse is trying to look for a way out of the mausoleum and when he finds one, he tries to climb up on top of one of the coffins, he ends up breaking through it and has a run-in with a dead body.

Jesse: You're okay. Okay, just a little decayed matter. Nothing to get unhinged about.

(The corpse's head turns to the side, which freaks Jesse out)

Jesse: Oh, shit!

"I just realized that I forgot to do my homework. Mom's gonna kill me!" Sean exclaimed, imitating Jesse.

Sean: (Narrating) Jesse runs out of the mausoleum after being spotted by Ed and the two likeable and most entertaining characters are left alone to snatch jewlery from off of dead bodies because that's what grave robbers do. Afterwards, Jesse returns home and he sees his older sister Lucy, played by Marsha Dietlein, is busy doing aerobics. Or maybe zombie aerobics hosted by Linnea Quigley.

Lucy (Played by Marsha Dietlein): Hey, Jesse, you see that? Mom says you follow those rules or it's my butt. You follow those rules or it's your butt.

(Jesse continues to watch Lucy doing aerobics)

Lucy: First one says, "homework." And you don't go out until you finish it. Now, get going.

"Aerobics and a bossy older sister. Guess we can cross out our 80s movie cliches." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Back with Billy, him and Johnny are messing around with the canister for a bit...

"Seriously, when you see something that's highly dangerous... DON'T FUCK AROUND WITH IT!" Sean yelled out.

(A clip from George Carlin's bit on stupid people is shown)

George Carlin: Some people are really fucking stupid.

(Billy starts pushing some buttons. The canister starts beeping rapidly)

Brian: (V/O as Johnny) Hey, Billy. Is the canister supposed to be beeping fast?

Sean: (V/O as Billy) Eh, it's probably nothin'.

(The Trioxin is released from the canister and it sprays on Billy and Johnny)

Sean: (V/O as Billy) My eyes! My beautiful eyes!

(The same clip from George Carlin's stand-up is shown)

George Carlin: Some people are really fucking stupid.

Sean: (Narrating) So yeah. You all know the drill, the Trioxin is unleashed and it covers the cemetery. Back with Ed and Joey, we see that Ed has no respect for the dead when he cuts off a dead woman's head and put it in a bag and he proceeds to steal her jewelry.

Joey: Oh, that's it. I don't need the money. I'm out of here.

Ed: Ah, come off it. Who's gonna know? Her? (Laughs) Besides, I'll bet that girlfriend of yours would sure like this. (Holds a diamond bracelet) Huh?

"Oh, yeah. Diamonds stolen from off a dead person is a girl's best friend." Sean said.

(Joey sees the Trioxin seeping through the doorway)

Joey: What's that stuff?

Ed: Swamp gas.

Joey: Makes my skin feel like slimy ice or something.

"Or it's gonna turn you into a zombie and have a craving for brains." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) We come to nightfall as we see Jesse getting bored out of his mind from doing homework when he sees Billy running outside in the rain coughing. He tries to head out, but a surprise visitor is preventing him from leaving.

Sean: (V/O as Chip) Cable guy!

(Jesse hides in the closet to avoid being spotted by Lucy)

Sean: (V/O as Chip) Cable guy! Hurry up!

(Lucy walks over to the door and opened to see the cable guy, named Tom, standing in front of the door)

Tom (Played by Dana Ashbrook): Oh. Hi, I'm with Cable TV. I have an installation order.

Lucy: You were supposed to be here, like, three hours ago.

"Hey, this movie's representation of the cable guy being ridiculously late to the appointment is probably the most realistic aspect of the whole movie. Yeah, don't you hate it when the cable guy shows up late?" Sean asked.

(Cutaway Gag Starts)

(We open with Taylor, who's sitting on the couch while she's on the phone with the cable guy)

Sean: (On phone as the Cable Guy) Mayflower Cable, how may I help you?

Taylor: Yes, I'm calling about the cable. It's been acting up for a couple of days. I was wondering when you're coming over to fix it.

Sean: (On phone) Hmm, let's see. Uhh, yeah. I can be there sometime between 3pm and next Tuesday.

Taylor: Are you kidding me? Why not today?

Sean: (On the phone) Because we're pretty busy, lady.

(Hangs up)

Taylor: What a dick.

(Cutaway Gag Ends)

Sean: (Narrating) Lucy scolds the cable guy named Tom Essex, played by Dana Ashbrook, who recognizes Lucy from school before he graduated from there. Plus, I swear that he looks like a doe-eyed hybrid of Marty McFly and Ferris Bueller. While he fixes the cable for Lucy, Jesse gets the opportunity to sneak out and run over to Billy's to give him his homework assignments, but then he sees that Billy looks like he caught Covid-19, better not stand to close to that kid.

Jesse: You opened that thing, didn't you?

Billy: Say anything about this and your ass is grass.

"Wow, that's the most cheesy threat from a bully that I've ever heard in my life." Sean said.

Billy: Say anything about this and your ass is grass.

Billy's Mom (Played by Sally Smythe): Jesse, that's all now.

Billy: You shut up about this, or else. (Pushes Jesse away and coughs)

(Jesse backs away to the door)

Sean: (V/O as Jesse) Oh, shit. He just caught a case of Trioxin-19. I better get out of here.

Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, the military come across the two Trioxin canisters that fell off the truck and Colonel Glover, once again played by Jonathan Terry, arrives at the scene.

Colonel Glover (Played by Jonathan Terry): (Sees the two Trioxin canisters) Jesus Christ, not again.

"How can the same shit happen in the same movie twice? Looks like I'm going to have to drop a bomb on this town as well." Sean said, imitating Colonel Glover.

Sean: (Narrating) Jesse heads out to the storm drain to check out the canister while he's dressed up like he's going out in 2020.

"Boy, that joke was dated." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) And speaking of jokes, take a look at what they did with the return of an old friend.

(Jesse notices that the canister is broken. He looks up and sees the Tar Man)

Tar Man (Played by Allan Trautman): Brains! Brains!

"Oh, my God. What the hell have they done to Tar Man?" Sean asked while he rubbed his temples.

(Clips from Return of the Living Dead are shown featuring Tarman, followed by clips from the second film featuring Tar Man)

Sean: (Narrating) God, he looks nothing like the first movie. When you watch the first film and when you see Tar Man, he looks terrifying as hell. In this one, he looks like complete shit. You can tell not nearly the same level of effort went into this thing. And yes, Tar Man is still played by the same actor Allan Trautman.

(Tar Man goes after Jesse)

Tar Man: I want your brains. Brains. Brains.

(Tar Man steps out of the storm drain as Jesse moves behind him and pushes him into the water)

"Wow, movie. That's a pathetic way to go. You made Tar Man get foiled by a little kid by pushing his ass in a pool of water." Sean said.

Sean: (V/O as Tar Man) Brains. Brai... (As Jesse pushes him) Oh, you little fu...!

(Tar Man is pushed into the pool of water)

Sean: (Narrating) Jesse flees to the cemetery where he comes across the zombies from Michael Jackson's Thriller as they pop up from out of the ground and as much as I complain about this movie, this was the scene that I was looking forward to, mostly because of the kick-ass soundtrack. This is like the updated version of the Trioxin Theme from the first film and I fucking love it. It even has some goofy moments to it as well: like a zombie coming out of the grave and putting on her glasses, a zombie falling into another grave and you even have a zombie trying to come out of the ground and another zombie steps on it's hand and another stepping on it's head and pushes him into the ground. Yeah, you can see that they're going for the goofy route like Gremlins 2 and I love it.

Suddenly, Sean's phone starts ringing to the song "This Is Halloween".

"Hold on just one second. I've got to take this call." Sean said as he picked up his phone and answeed it. "Hello?"

"Hello, Sean." Ghostface said.

"Oh, for Christ's sake. What do you want, dude? Are you waiting for that Scream IV review? It's going to be part of this year's Halloween Havoc. Why are you trying to start shit with me?!" Sean asked.

"I know you're going to review Scream IV. But there's something that you're forgetting to bring up for the scene where the dead rise from the grave in Return of the Living Dead Part II." Ghostface said.

"Nope. No, I'm sure I've talked about everything about the scene, including it's awesome soundtrack." Sean said.

"NO, YOU STUPID SHIT! I'm talking about the alternate music score that was released for the home video version." Ghostface said.

Sean's eyes widened in shock when the alternate music score for the scene starts playing in his head.

"Oh, God. Not that." Sean said.

"Yes, that!" Ghostace exclaimed before he ends the call.

"Alright, let's talk about it." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Okay, in case you didn't know, when this movie was released on DVD, the music score was completely different to the original theatrical release because of difficulties obtaining the rights to use the original score. If you owned this movie on DVD, I feel bad for you all because you get to deal with this music score.

(The scene is played once more, this time the music score from the DVD release is played in the background)

(A clip from Shameless is shown)

Fiona Gallagher (Played by Emmy Rossum): That's fucking unbelievable! You just did that! Wow!

Sean: (Narrating) But don't worry, I am watching the Blu-Ray version of the movie courtesy of Scream Factory and they restored the original theatrical score of the movie. Anyway, Ed and Joey are still in the mausoleum while eating their lunch.

Ed: There's a chill in the air tonight. (Coughs) Fifty-eight years old, can't be too careful in this weather.

Joey: Yeah, you'll end up in one of those.

Ed: Uh-uh, not me, you'll never find me in one of these. I'm gonna get me cremated.

Joey: (Scoffs) You're afraid that some old creep like you is gonna come along and steal your head.

Ed: Watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job.

Joey: Like this job?!

(A clip from The Return of the Living Dead is shown)

Frank (Played by James Karen): Watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job!

Freddy (Played by Thom Matthews): Like this job?!

(Back to the movie)

Sean: (Narrating) Brenda enters the cemetery to check on Joey, but then she comes across a zombie and start to freak out.

Brenda: Okay, okay. Um, the van, you can take the van, it's right over there.

(The zombie continues to approach Brenda)

Brenda: Fuck this!

(Brenda turns around and screams as she sees a zombie standing right behind her and punches it in the head, causing it to ooze yellow blood)

"And zombies bleed lemon lime Gatorade, from what I'm seeing." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) And speaking of freaking out, we haven't missed seeing James Karen freaking out from seeing a zombie, and it's pretty friggin' hilarious.

Joey: (After seeing a zombie coming to life in the coffin behind Ed) Holy Jesus, Ed!

(Ed stops eating his apple. He turns around and gasps as he sees the zombie behind him getting up. He moves over to Joey and starts choking from his apple. Joey hits Ed on his back, making him spit out his apple)

Ed: Holy Mother of God!

Joey: Ed? Ed! Is there something I should know?

"I don't know! Just hit it in the head or something!" Sean exclaimed while imitating Ed.

(Joey picks up a crowbar)

Joey: You're supposed to be dead!

(Joey hits the zombie in the head, but it doesn't affect the zombie and it pulls the crowbar from out of it's head)

Joey: Holy shit! This is big fucking trouble!

"Oh, God. Haven't you idiots learned from the first film, headshots don't work on zombies!" Sean yelled out.

Sean: (Narrating) So, they start freaking out from seeinf a bunch of zombies. Again, these two are the biggest highlight of the film, and even with James Karen's hilarious and over the top freakouts, they're the biggest highlight of the film that tends to make me laugh. Hell, I even laughed at this part right here.

Joey: We gotta get Brenda, man. She's alone.

Ed: Brenda? What about me?

Joey: You selfish jerk.

Ed: Oh, I am, I am. Oh, Lord, forgive me. They're dead. I thought you were finished with them.

Brenda: Joey, what did you do?

Ed: He didn't do anything! It's me they're after! (Gets on his knees) It's my sins. Hail Mary, full of grace-

Joey: Quit doing that!

"I can watch this movie just for his scenes alone because he is hilarious." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) So Joey and Ed bump into Brenda and they leave the cemetery while Jesse runs back home to tell Lucy what happened and to call the Army, but she doesn't believe him and send him to his room and she locks him up by using a rope to tie the doorknob to the railing of the stairs.

"Couldn't you give him a stern time-out? Bitch." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, the Three Stooges arrive in Joey's neighborhood and after Ed bumps into some trashcans, Billy's father steps outside and holds them at gunpoint with a shotgun.

Billy's Father (Played by Don Maxwell): Hey, one move and you're dead meat!

Brenda: Oh, please don't shoot!

Ed: No, go ahewad and do it! I deserve to die!

Joey: Mister, call the police or the fire department or the SWAT team or I don't know, anybody, but do it now.

(The zombies start growling from a distance and Brenda screams)

"Oh, God. Do we have to deal with that bitch screaming a lot?" Sean asked.

Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Jesse channels his inner Junior Healy by starting a fire in his room as Lucy goes upstairs to check on her, but she ends up falling for it as Jesse runs out of his room and into his sister's room to call the Army. Geez, and it didn't even take the whole movie this time.

Woman: (On phone) Hold the line, Mr. Wilson, your call is being transferred.

Jesse: All right!

"Now, if you were listening, you would recognize the exact same message from the first movie." Sean said.

(A clip from The Return of the Living Dead is shown)

Officer: (On phone) Stay on the line, Mr. Wilson, you're being transferred.

"Which means that Jesse may be, in fact, related to Burt Wilson as either his dad or uncle or maybe his grandfather." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Ed, Joey and Brenda play a little Grand Theft Auto by stealing Tom's van and they try to get out of this mess, but they end up hitting a zombie and destroying the neighborhood's phone line, disconnectin Jesse's call to Colonel Glover.

Brenda: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Look what you made him do! Now he's killed someone, and it's all your fault, you... you schmuck!

Ed: (Sobbing) I know! I know!

Joey: Stop it! Stop it!

"I don't know who's much more annoying, you or Brenda. But both of you shut your mouths!" Sean said.

(Billy's father runs outside to check the commotion and runs over to the girl while Joey, Ed and Brenda do the same, the girl gets up, revealed to be a zombie as she grabs Billy's dad by his head and starts eating his brains while Joey backs away)

Brenda: Oh, my God! Did you see what I think I saw?

Joey: Yeah!

(The song "Thriller" starts playing as the zombies enter the neighborhood)

Sean: (Narrating) So, our characters end up in Jesse's house as Ed, Joey and Brenda try to explain what happen.

Ed: You don't understand!

Tom: I understand alright. Out there, that's hit-and-run, pal!

Joey: No, they're dead!

Tom: I know! You guys-

Brenda: Already dead!

Joey: Trust me, dead, dead, dead.

Ed: Dead! Dead! Dead!

Brenda: Yeah!

"I think you should listen to them, man. They know what they're talking about." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) But the head in Ed's bag starts moving around and when he takes it out, everyone starts to freak out and it bites Ed on his finger. So Tom tries to get rid of it by sticking a screwdriver in it's head and picking it up.

Zombie Head: Get that damn screwdriver out of my head!

(A clip from Knives Out is shown)

Ransom Drysdale (Played by Chris Evans): Oh shut up! Shut up! Shut up with that Kentucky fried Fpghorn Leghorn drawl!

Sean: (Narrating) Jesse tries to go find a phone to call for help, but then a zombie tries to attack out little protagonist and Lucy and Tom help him out by barracading the door with a shelf to keep them out. Jesse suggests that they should get to Doc Mandel's place since he's got a car, plus he lives two houses down. So, Jesse and the others leave while Tom stays behind to fend for himself.

(Tom ends up bumping into a zombie)

Tom: Oh, shit!

(The zombie grabs Tom and tries to eat his brains)

Tom: Oh, God! Get off of me!

(Tom and the zombie get into a struggle in the living room. As the zombie tries to eat Tom's brains, the zombie rolls onto the remote control, turning the TV on and it shows an aerobics show as the zombie stops fighting Tom just to watch the female aerobics instructor on the television while the other zombies do the same)

"Brains. Give me hot female brains." Sean said in his zombie voice.

Sean: (Narrating) Our heroes try to evade the zombies, but Ed decides to take a break because he's not feeling well, giving Brenda some time to bitch and moan again.

Brenda: Rest? He wants to rest! Joey, he's totally the dumbest guy you've ever worked with in your whole entire life!

(Brenda hits Ed with her purse, knocking him down)

"God! Tina, Trash and Casey were less whiny than you!" Sean exclaimed.

(As they leave the house, Lucy stops walking and a zombie appears from behind her. She walks for a bit and stops as the zombie follows her. She turns around and notices the zombie)

Zombie: Brains.

Lucy: Oh, no!

Sean began to chuckle a bit. "What is this, writing for Looney Tunes? That part felt like a Looney Tunes cartoon." Sean said.

(The scene plays with Looney Tunes-style music played in the background)

Sean: (V/O as Lucy) I tawt I taw a zombie! I did! I did taw a zombie!

(Tom saves Lucy by impaling the zombie with a fire poker)

Lucy: Oh, no!

(The zombie tries to attack Tom, but he manages to pin it against the wall)

"Hey, Mr. Zombie. Stick around." Sean said as a comedic drum riff plays in the background.

Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile at Billy's, Billy is not doing too good as his mom, played by Sally Smythe respectively, tries to get her husband to call Doc Mandel for help.

Billy's Mom: George, go get Dr. Mandel!

(Billy's mom heads downstairs, then we cut to Billy, who's gasping and starting to shake in bed, which looks a bit like he's masturbating)

"Uhhhhh... is it just me or is Billy trying to stroke one out? I mean, look at him! It looks like he's channeling his inner Dreamybull." Sean said.

(A sound clip from Dreamybull starts playing)

Dreamybull: OH, MY GOD! I'M 'BOUT TO NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!

(Billy's mom runs outside and sees her husband surrounded by zombies as they eat his brains)

Billy's Mom: George?

(The zombies see Billy's mom and hiss at her as she heads back into the house and close the door behind her and locks it. (She then sees Billy, who's out of bed)

Billy's Mom: Oh, Billy!

(She runs over to Billy and hugs him. Billy then turns his head and opens his mouth as he gets ready to eat his mom's brains)

(A clip from Shameless is shown)

Mickey Milkovich (Played by Noel Fisher): Ah, fuck.

Debbie Gallagher (Played by Emma Kenney): What?

Mickey Milkovich: She's dead.

(Billy's starts eating his mother's brains and she makes a deadpan look on her face right when he's doing that)

"Oh, great acting and directing there. This lady just had her own son bite into her skull and she reacts to hearing the kitchen timer going off." Sean said.

(Cut to Billy biting into his mother's skull and the sound of the kitchen timer going off is heard)

"Looks like the pot roast is ready. Ow! Careful, Billy. Don't spoil your dinner." Sean said, imitating Billy's mom.

Sean: (Narrating) The gang head over to Doc Mandel's place as the good doctor himself Doc Mandel, played by Philip Bruns, wants to know what's going on. And I have to say this about Philip Bruns, he's also the most enjoyable part of the film aside from James Karen and Thom Matthews hamming it up to 100, this guy gives an eccentric performance.

Tom: Where are the keys to your car?

Doc Mandel (Played by Philip Bruns): Why, are we going somewhere?

(A crashing sound is heard from outside along with the zombies screaming)

Doc Mandel: There seem to be hooligans terrorizing the neighborhood. I-I-I...

Lucy: No, it's the dead. They've come back to life!

Doc Mandel: The dead. Dead what?

"Oh, you know. The David Cronenberg movie Dead Ringers where Jeremy Irons play identical twins. What the hell do you think, old man?!" Sean exclaimed.

(Tom grabs Doc by his jacket)

Tom: I'm sorry, sir. We've gotta get the keys to your car, right now!

Doc Mandel: Must be an emergency, huh?

Brenda: No, duh!

Doc Mandel: Oh, well.

"Still the best performance in the movie." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) They bring Doc along for the ride and they take his car as they drive out of the neighborhood and head to the hospital because there's something not right with Joey and Ed.

Brenda: We gotta get to a hospital. (To Ed) It's all your fault, you cheese dip. You just stay away from me!

Sean grabs a pillow from off of the couch and screams into it from hearing Brenda's voice.

Brenda: Where's the emergency room?

Jesse: No! We gotta go to the police station. They'll know what to do.

Brenda: (Hits Jesse) Will you just shut up?! God!

(A clip from WWE is shown)

The Rock: Shut up, bitch!

Joey: I feel so... I just got this feeling.

Ed: Yeah, me too.

Joey: No, it's like we've been here before. It's like a dream, this whole thing. You, me, them.

"No, actually. It happened to you before. Now, the same shit is happening to you again." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) They make it to the hospital and we see that, what a surprise, Ed and Joey are starting to turn from the effects of the Trioxin gas, because they're same characters who follow the same overall story. Anyway, Tom drives Jesse and Lucy to their grandfather's house and take some guns with them, with Lucy armed with a double-barreled shotgun and she gives Jesse a puny little rifle.

Lucy: Look, those things out there, they're ugly, and they're dirty and they're dumb. And I don't even care if they are dead. I hate them. There's no way they're touching me.

(Tom and Jesse look at each other for a bit)

Tom: Great.

(Tom leaves the house while Jesse swaps the Winchester Model 62 rifle with something more powerful as he grabs a Smith & Weesson Model 27/28 revolver)

Jesse: Make my night.

(Jesse sticks the gun down in his pants)

"Uh, are you sure you want that kid to handle a gun like that? That is Dirty Harry's magnum he's carrying around. That thing is known to put a giant hole through people." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Also, don't you love gun safety in movies where you have the character sticking a gun in their pants? You might end up shooting yourself. Man, Jesse is lucky that he didn't end up like Cheddar from 8 Mile!

Jesse: Make my night.

(As Jesse sticks the gun in his pants, we cut to black as the gun goes off and we hear the sound of Kevin McCallister screaming)

Sean: (Narrating) The trio head back to the hospital, where they see that Ed and Joey are starting to turn as Doc gives them some startling news.

Doc Mandel: You will also notice there is no pupillary response, no, uh, reflexes... obvious lividity. Suggesting chronic intractable rigor mortis.

Tom: Is it serious?

Doc Mandel: Is "dead" serious?

(Ed whimpers)

Brenda: But they can talk.

Joey: Oh, God, it hurts. I can't move my arms or legs.

Brenda: See? Now, do you call this dead? They are not dead, you jerk!

"HOW DUMB ARE YOU, YA DUMB BROAD! YOUR BOYFRIEND IS DEAD! HE HAS NO PULSE! HE'S LOST SOME COLOR! HE'S SUFFERING FROM RIGOR MORTIS! HE'S STIFF AS A BOARD! AND HE'S PROBABLY GONNA HAVE A TASTE FOR BRAINS! MAYBE YOURS!" Sean screamed.

Sean: (Narrating) Jesse wanders off to call for help, but he has a run-in with a zombie who's looking for a taste of pure lead.

Jesse: (To the zombie) Okay, you mother!

(Jesse pulls out his gun and shoots the zombie. The recoil from the revolver knocks Jesse downto the floor)

"Okay, how did he manage to get knocked down to the floor? I guess it's true that the .44 magnum is the most powerful magnum in the world." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) But Jesse forgets that headshots don't kill zombies as the zombie gets back up and tries to kill him. But then Lucy and Tom arrive in the nick of time, only for Lucy to blow the zombie away in half with a shotgun, giving us a pretty hilarious scene.

(The lower half of the zombie's body walks into a wall, then walks away as the zombie tries to grab it. Tom, Lucy and Jesse watch as the lower half walks off)

"I laugh every time when the zombie's legs start to walk off without him. Also, this was a scene that earned the movie an R-rating. It would've been different if it earned a PG-13 rating. Because some of this sure does feel like it's PG-13." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) The zombie acts like Darth Maul and tries to go after Jesse until Jesse decides to let off some steam and burns the zombie by turning it into one of the leftover corpses from Poltergeist and the three of them escape. Meanwhile, Brenda, Joey and Ed try to find a real doctor because they don't want to listen to Doc Mandel.

Ed: No, you can't leave me here!

Doc Mandel: No, no, no. You don't wanna-

(Ed grabs an aluminum thermos and hits Doc in the head with it to knock him out)

Doc Mandel: You did.

Sean breaks down in laughter from watching the scene. "Oh, God. I love Phil Bruns in this movie. He cracks me up every time I watch this movie. And of course you didn't know, he's the same guy who played Jerry Seinfeld's dad Morty Seinfeld in the first season of Seinfeld before Barney Martin. Hell, imagine if Barney Martin played Doc Mandel in this movie, I would definetly watch this movie over and over again."

Sean: (Narrating) The three of them leave the hospital and they take Doc's car with them, leaving the group behind until they decide to take an ambulance. As they leave to get to a professional doctor, they have a run-in with the military and we see that one of those military officers is played by Horace Pinker himself Mitch Pileggi.

Brenda: I gotta get a doctor.

Sarge (Played by Mitch Pileggi): Are you sick?

Brenda: No! What is wrong with you? I need help, for Christ's sake.

(Ed falls out of the car as one of the soldiers see this and approaches him)

Soldier #1: Forget it, lady. Nobody gets out of this town.

Brenda: Why not?

Soldier #1: Plague.

Brenda: Plague? This is no plague. They're dead! I mean, not, like, "for real" dead, but, like, "sick" dead, you know? Like, when you check them out, there's nothing going on inside or anything!

"Boy, the military wasn't like that when Covid hit." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Ed becomes zombified and has a taste for military brains, only for the military to become trigger happy on Ed until he gets back up and Brenda just leaves him only for him to keep eating brains. Yeah, so much for him cremating himself. Back with Jesse and the group, they run into some zombies who are trying to eat animal brains at a pet store and Tom decides to run over one, but instead hits the zombie to send it flying into an electrical sign to electrocute it to death.

(They watch at the zombie is electrocuted to death)

Doc Mandel: Ooh.

Lucy: Oh, my God.

(The zombie dies after being electrocuted)

Tom: One for the good guys.

"So, headshots don't kill them. But electrocuting them kills them. Looks like Bobby Briggs came up with an excellent plan. And yet, nobody in the first film thought of doing that?" Sean asked.

Sean: (Narrating) Back with Brenda, Joey is now zombified and has a taste for his girlfriend's brains and he chases her into a church and has her cornered.

Joey: Brenda!

Brenda: (Screams) Joey! You stay away from me!

Joey: Brenda, your brain smells so good, so... so rich and spicy.

"Sounds like an epic meal that he's reminincing about." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Brenda dies only to let Joey eat her brains. Real stupid of her, plus she was getting annoying. And so our surviving heroes make it to the outskirts of town, only to get stopped by the military.

Doc Mandel: It's all right, they're ours.

Soldier: Commence firing!

(One of the soldiers start shooting at the ambulance)

Lucy: I don't think they know that.

Doc Mandel: You're right, I'm wrong.

Tom: Hey, wait! You don't understand!

(The army continues to shoot at them until they back away)

Sean: (V/O as Soldier) Quick! Shoot them! They have the plague! Kill 'em!

Sean: (Narrating) So, trying to ask the military for help. They then try to call for some more help, which also fails when a zombie answers a call.

Doc Mandel: Uh, pardon me, but could you tell me who the president of the United States is?

Zombie: Uh, Harry Truman.

"Wait, Ronald Regan was the president of the United States. Yeah, something doesn't add up."

Sean: (Narrating) They head to a meat packing plant to grab some meat to lure the zombies while we cut to two military officers who want to waste their ammo on a hoard of zombies.

Soldier #1: I joined the Army to see the world, not this.

Sarge: Get a hold of yourself, son. You're an American soldier. We got a firefight on our hands. And the enemy's already dead. It's beautiful.

(The zombie hoard continues to approach the military officers)

Sarge: All right, you dead bunch of sons of bitches. I'm blowing your tired, ugly asses right back to hell.

"So this how Horace Pinker became a psychotic killer." Sean said.

(The two military officers shoot at the zombies, but their bullets have no effect on them and they end up getting killed)

"Be all that you can be... dead men." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Jesse wanders off after hearing a horn honking as he sees a bunch of zombies on a military jeep driving wildly until he heads back and gets scolded by Tom.

Tom: (Grabs Jesse) Who do you think you are? I've got news for you, pal. We survive, we survive together, you understand me?

Jesse: (Sighs) I'm sorry. I though-

Tom: It's okay. It's all right. You ready to work?

"Wow, that's a big change up. He went from yelling at him to "It's alright, I forgive you." in 5.2 seconds." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) They go ahead with their plan by throwing beef brains out the back of a truck and luring them to a power plant and shutting the gate to keep them out so Tom can whip out a contraption that could revive and kill Jason Voorhees. But Billy's zombified ass figured that a puny fence won't keep them out so he climbs over the fence to let the zombies.

"Wait, how would he figure that out if he's a zombie... eh, forget it." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Tom, Lucy and Jesse get cornered by the zombies while being trapped in the back of a truck, so Jesse squeezes through the front of the truck and becomes a better driver than most of the adults in this movie.

(Jesse is driving a truck and sees Billy standing in the way and runs him over. Doc opens the door and sees the zombies)

Doc Mandel: Holy horse puckey.

Kool-Aid Man: (V/O) Oh, yeah!

(Jesse drives through the wall of the power plant)

"Well, good. At least he managed to kill Billy in the process." Sean said.

(Billy pops back up, startling Jesse)

Billy: Brains!

"Oh, shit." Sean said.

(Jesse runs out of the truck and makes his way up the stairs)

Billy: You told, you told. Now you die like me.

(We cut to Billy going after Jesse and tries to eat his brains. Jesse reaches for a screwdriver and stabs Billy in the mouth with it and pushes him off the catwalk)

Jesse: That's why you're dead, ass-wipe. No brains and a big mouth.

(The screen turns black and white as sunglasses appear on Jesse's face and a marijuana joint in his mouth while the words "Thug Life" appear on the screen as the song "Where The Hood At" by DMX plays in the background)

"Sorry, I had to. It's been awhie since I've used that joke. And this moment seems like the right time." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Jesse hits the killswitch, electrocuting the zombies while Tom and Lucy share the most forced kiss in cinematic history. Also, I like the bit where a zombie is dressed like Michael Jackson while all this is going down. And let's not forget that Billy is still alive.

"Oh, Jesus Christ! Is there anything that would put that kid down?!" Sean asked.

Doc Mandel: (Approaches Billy) Excuse me, your fly is open.

(Doc smashes a bottle of whiskey over Billy's head, then turns his attention to him)

Doc Mandel: Hi. Goodbye.

Jesse: Hey, jerk-off!

(Jesse kicks Billy into a large transformer, killing him)

"Thank you. Now stay dead, asshole." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, happy ending! The military shows up and Doc suggests that they grab a drink after killing some zombies. And the most tiresome zombie comes back for the last zinger of the movie.

Zombie Head: Aw, come on, guy, back off of that thing. I got gas. Oh, don't hit a girl when she's down. Oh! Oh!

(A military officer burns the zombie head with a flamethrower. The zombie head screams and coughs)

Zombie Head: Okay, no more brains. You win. For now.

(A clip from Knives Out is shown)

Ransom Drysdale: Shut up! Shut up with that Kentucky fried Fpghorn Leghorn drawl!

"And that was Return of the Living Dead Part II, and just like the first film, I love it." Sean said.

(Clips from the movie are shown once more)

Sean: (Narrating) This movie feels like a parody of the first film. It felt like it was going for the E.T./Gremlins route like it's trying to be a more kid-friendly zombie movie. Unlike The Monster Squad, which has a mostly kid-centric cast, it wasn't afraid to have more mature elements and kept the threat realistic. And then you have the 1988 remake of The Blob, which also stars Michael Kenworthy in it, and that movie was not afraid to show some gruesome stuff in it and I've seen that movie. I know that there are people who didn't care for the movie when they saw it, I happen to enjoy it since I'm into goofy horror comedies. It kept me laughing throughout the way. And don't worry, next year, I'll end up reviewing Return of the Living Dead 3, which Another Dead Reviews reviewed it. Who knows, I'll end up reviewing it next year. The movie has a few funny character moments, James Karen and Thom Matthews overacting to the highest degree is too hilarious. It has some of its moments but I'm aware of it's flaws. This is a movie that I enjoy watching. If you haven't seen it and if you like comedic horror movies, then give this one a watch. Return of the Living Dead Part II comes in at 3 electrified zombies out of 5.

"I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and Halloween Havoc VI has just begun." Sean said as he does his sinister laugh once more before he leaves.

Mayhem Critic Tagline- Say anything about this and your ass is grass.

And that was the review for Return of the Living Dead Part II for Halloween Havoc VI. So what did you think of the review and the start of Halloween Havoc VI? Also, did you enjoy the Unsolved Mysteries parody at the beginning of the review? Plus, which film did you like better, The Return of the Living Dead or Return of the Living Dead Part II? And yes, I know there's also Return of the Living Dead 3. Who knows? I'll probably order it from Amazon, or watch it on Prime Video since it's free on there. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Halloween Havoc VI continues when Sean takes a look at the 1990 sequel Child's Play 2. Will Chucky take over Andy's body this time? Is this the best of the franchise and of greatest horror sequels of all time? After the Child's Play 2, it's the review of Village of the Damned, the 1995 John Carpenter remake of the 1960 movie. Don't forget to review the new chapter, add this story to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, if you would like to do a co-review for any of the movies for Halloween Havoc VI, let me know in the comments or PM me. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.