Chapter 8

Crossroads

November 2010

Chopsticks at the ready, Tsuki watched the thin slices of meat begin to sizzle on the built-in table grill like a hawk. It was now Monday afternoon and she was collecting on winning the impromptu bet she had made with Aki before her bout with Majima. The early hour, as well as the fact that it was a weekday, meant that Kanrai was still fairly empty, making it a perfect setting for them to peacefully enjoy their meal.

"Now this is what I'm talking about!" she gushed with joy, putting another juicy slice of sirloin into her mouth and following it up with a few bites of rice.

"You're acting as if you haven't eaten for a week," Aki gave her a crooked smile.

"That's because I haven't had yakiniku for so long that I almost forgot how good it is," Tsuki smiled, her eyes narrowing in pleasure. "I feel like I could eat two more platters, but I'll try to behave, seeing as you're the one paying today."

"We could always split the bill, you know," Aki noted with a pitiful look in her eyes. "I know I agreed to pay, but why are you always such a cheapskate? You've got more money than I do."

"No, I don't," Tsuki protested immediately.

"Yeah, right," Aki chuckled, remaining skeptical.

Suddenly, a guilty expression appeared on Tsuki's face.

"Sorry about dragging you out like this today, by the way… I'd been looking forward to it so much that I didn't stop to consider it might not be the best moment for you…"

"Don't worry about it," Aki waved her hand. "I owe you for letting me take the extra time off anyway."

"Yeah, speaking of which… How's your mom holding up? You sure it was okay to leave her alone? It's not like you couldn't just tell me we should do this some other time."

"No, really, it's totally fine. I made sure she had everything she needed before I left. Besides, she's getting better every day, so she'll be fine by herself for a few hours. She's got her last check-up tomorrow, actually. It doesn't seem like she'll be needing my help for much longer, so I should be back at work on Wednesday, like we agreed."

"That's good to hear. Drop me a line about what the doctors say tomorrow, then."

"Will do," Aki nodded, placing a few more slices of meat on the circular grill at the center of the table. "So, tell me… How in the world did you manage to beat him?"

Her friend's question made Tsuki look up at her from above her bowl of rice. She should have expected that Aki would broach the subject sooner rather than later. A crooked smile painted itself on her face.

"'Beat him' is a bit of a stretch, to be perfectly honest with you… I feel that the only reason I won is because I met the winning condition we'd agreed on. And even that wasn't exactly a walk in the park. He's tough as nails, just like you said. Unpredictable, too. I could barely read his moves and react to them in time. I gave it my all and yet… it felt like I hardly made a dent. Winning on a technicality still counts, sure, and I know I'm not exactly at my best right now, but… I'm glad it wasn't a real fight or I might've been screwed," she summed up with an embarrassed chuckle.

Aki, however, did not seem amused in the slightest.

"See? That's exactly what I warned you about!" she raised her voice a little in concern. "I told you you were playing with fire, but you ignored me. You got lucky this time, but that luck's bound to run out, eventually," she admonished her, feeling vindicated by her friend's reflection on the matter.

"You're right — I can't count on luck now that I know there are such formidable fighters in town. I need to get stronger if I'm to be able to protect you and Stray."

Aki's jaw dropped for a moment. She then moved to cover her face with her hand.

"That's… not the point here. There are ways of protecting Stray other than beating people up, you know — but you just can't help yourself, can you? And I'm guilty, too, for letting you keep doing it. As far as I'm concerned, I don't need your protection — or, at least, I won't need it if you finally stop stirring up the hornets' nest. Imagine if one of those times our usual group of thugs had brought someone like Majima along, with every intention to hurt you. You might've ended up in a hospital bed, eating through a straw — if not dead."

"Hospital, maybe," Tsuki grimaced in response, feeling the sting of truth in Aki's words. "But I'd be of no use to them dead. It never came to that, though, and now it looks like it might never happen. In that regard, it's good to have a yakuza friend, wouldn't you say?"

"Friend? Tsuki, he's notyour friend," Aki frowned deeply, her voice stern. "That's exactly how yakuza operate — they act like they're your friends, make you trust them, then stab you in the back and hang you out to dry once they get what they want from you."

"Oh, come on — you can't measure everyone with the same yardstick like that," Tsuki furrowed her brow. "He really doesn't seem like the kind of person you make him out to be. I've spent a lot more time with him than you have, so I should have some idea of what he's like by now."

"It doesn't matter what kind of person he is when you're with him, or how much time you've spent together — he's still a know I don't trust any of them even one bit — and neither should you."

"How about you let go of your prejudice for once and cut him some slack, huh? Judge him based on what you see for yourself and not on what you read on the internet. Like I do."

"That's precisely what worries me," Aki pointed a finger at Tsuki for emphasis. "Without you having any frame of reference, he can put on any kind of mask he wants and manipulate you however he sees fit. He can lie straight to your face and you won't even know it."

"Alright…" Tsuki said, putting her bowl down, then took a sip of water. "But what if you've got it backwards?"

"...Huh?"

"What if the things you've heard about him are the mask — and the only time he feels he can drop it is when he's with someone he likes or is comfortable around? Sure, he can be a little weird sometimes, but it's been harmless, amusing even at times, and it didn't seem to be an act. So far, not even once has it felt like he wanted to hurt me. That's why I have no reason to assume he's trying to trick me."

"Oh, for… Why do you choose to be so stubborn when it comes to him? I don't get it. It's like you're ignoring reality on purpose. Being all buddy-buddy with a guy like him is asking for trouble — and you know that. Sorry for being blunt, but… Are you really down that bad?"

"...I'm not," Tsuki suddenly bristled. Her growing annoyance at her friend's prodding was becoming more volatile with every sentence.

"Then why do you still refuse to acknowledge the truth?"

Lifting her eyes to look at the girl in front of her, Tsuki's expression turned serious. When she spoke, the lightheartedness, otherwise common during their interactions, was gone without a trace.

"Truth?" she repeated her friend's words. "What truth? Rumors spread and opinions formed by people who've never exchanged a single word with him? No offense, but it seems to me like you're letting gossip and your personal feelings cloud your judgment."

Her words seemed to have had the desired effect of making Aki flinch. She recovered and narrowed her eyes, realizing that confrontation was all but inevitable now.

"I'm the one letting my feelings cloud my judgment? Why don't you try looking in a mirror? You're the one who's making him out to be some kind of saint, desperately trying to dismiss anything bad I might have to say about him."

"That's because I think you're wrong, but nothing I say seems to be getting through to you. You're scared shitless of leaving your little box and accepting that the world isn't just black and white." Suddenly, Tsuki's voice turned cold, a dark, cruel fire burning in her usually warm eyes. "If you're so ready to drag him through the mud when you barely know him and if everyone is either black or white to you — then why haven't you written me off yet? Why were you never like that towards me? After all, I'm as gray as they come. You know who I was and what I'd done before we met. And yet, here we are. So? Who's the hypocrite now?"

Mouth agape, Aki's eyes widened. Tsuki's scowl and her words hurt, but she could not deny that they contained a grain of truth. They did not argue much, but even when they did, her friend never looked at her the way she was now. It terrified her.

"Tch," she looked away, grimacing. "It's not the same thing…"

"Like hell it isn't! You're fine with being my friend, but you draw the line at me being friends with a yakuza? I hate to break it to you, but he's not the one who hurt your family, Aki. That guy got what he deserved. But it's all the same to you, isn't it?"

"It's not about that, Tsuki!" Aki burst out, tears of anger glistening in the corners of her eyes. "It's not even about Majima — honestly, I don't give a shit about him! But I can't bear the thought of something happening to you because of what you're doing! Maybe I am a hypocrite — but you're my best friend and that's something I can't take back. Something I would never take back, even if I could. So, please, get it through your thick skull that the reason I'm trying to make you see reason is because I care about you."

The darkness vanished from Tsuki's face as quickly as it had appeared. It seemed that it was now her turn to be flabbergasted. Despite knowing her for years at that point, it was still astounding to Aki how ignorant she could sometimes be of the most obvious things. Tsuki's bewildered stare a clear sign that she had struck true, Aki pressed on.

"You don't have to tell me that, at the end of the day, I'm powerless in this. Forgive me that I'm doing the only thing I can do, which is voice my concerns and at least try to make you realize the risks you're taking, even though deep inside I know you'll do what you want anyway."

"Aki-chan…"

"Now, don't get me wrong. For your sake, I genuinely hope I'm wrong about him. It's not like I get some twisted kind of pleasure from trying to prove I'm right. But don't expect me to just handwave what I already know and believe something entirely different without seeing some kind of proof that you're not just another notch on his belt."

"...What do you mean by proof?"

"You don't know him as well as you might think you do. Like I told you… The things he tells you — they might all be lies, for all you know. Words are spit, as they say. You won't convince me he doesn't have some hidden agenda acting like your friend until he starts backing it up with something more than talk."

"In other words… You won't change your mind unless he does something to prove that you're wrong about him. Is that it?"

"Pretty much."

"But… What would that even need to be?" Tsuki frowned. "You want me to come up with some sort of scheme, ask for his help and see how he reacts? Isn't that going a bit too far?"

"I'm not telling you to come up with anything," Aki shook her head in response. "If you keep seeing him, there's bound to come a point when you'll find out for yourself if you can really trust him. Until then, all I want you to do is keep your guard up and don't let him pull wool over your eyes. Heck, that's something I'd tell you even if he was just a regular guy. But him being a yakuza means I can't stress that enough. What if he wants to get in your good graces only to then ask you to do something terrible for him?"

"If that really was the case, then he'd be playing a pretty long game, don't you think?" Tsuki sighed. "And with a random girl like me? I can't imagine what could be worth the effort to get close to a nobody like me," she gave her friend a bitter smile. "That said… You're right about one thing," she lowered her eyes, focusing on the pieces of meat still charring on the grill between the two of them. "It's already been a while, but… I still don't really know what it is that he wants from me. Even if I asked him outright, I doubt he'd just up and tell me. That's why I've just been going with the flow, having fun, enjoying it for what it is. Truth be told, if that's all this is, then that's enough for me."

"...Is it, though? You say that, but from the look in your eyes I can see you're not convinced. Face it — you have no idea what you're doing, but you're still choosing to do it. That's really not like you at all."

Aki's relentless prodding finally beginning to have an effect on her, Tsuki clenched her jaw, the grimace on her face akin to someone's who had just taken a large bite out of a lemon. Her prolonged silence spoke louder than words.

"But okay — for a moment, let's set aside the possibility of him wanting to con you. Let's assume I'm wrong on that count, you two keep seeing each other the way you've been doing, and suddenly things take a… serious turn, if you know what I mean, as they very well might. Do you even know if he's single?"

"What?..." Eyes wide, Tsuki stared at her friend.

The question appeared to have taken Tsuki completely by surprise. Compared to how she had been mere minutes earlier, she seemed to have diminished both in size and in spirit. Aki had the advantage.

"You heard me. Is he or isn't he?"

"I… I don't know," Tsuki mumbled, lowering her eyes again.

"Seriously?" Aki's eyebrows arched up in surprise. "It's been almost two months, you gave him your email and cell number, you've started seeing him outside of work — and you still don't know that much?"

"Technically, I've only seen him outside of work once. It never really came up… I-I mean… Why would it?" Tsuki stuttered. "It's not like we're doing anything that would… What I'm trying to say is, we're just friends, for crying out loud. It doesn't matter."

"Uh-huh. Bullshit, it doesn't matter, the way you're going. It better come up soon — or are you fine with becoming a yakuza's side-piece?"

"Way to sour the mood, Aki…" Tsuki rolled her eyes.

"I'm not souring the mood, I'm asking the real questions you don't want to ask yourself, apparently."

"Listen — we're not doing anything that would require me to know that. I like him, he likes me, and that's that. Apart from the occasional lewd joke, he hasn't really made a move on me yet."

"Didn't you mention he tried asking you out for a drink at some point?"

"...Oh." The realization dawning on her, Tsuki furrowed her brow. "But that only happened once, and a long time ago at this point. He hasn't done anything like that ever since."

"Doesn't mean he won't."

"Then, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it…"

Having said that, Tsuki returned her attention to the food in front of her, but even if there was still any joy in it for her, she did not show it. Aki knew she had come out on top this time, but it felt like a hollow victory.

"Even if he's only looking for a one-night-stand, or to have some fun with you for free, it would be better if you knew exactly where you stood. The sooner you find that out, the better. You know it'll be harder if you get your hopes up and then suddenly find out he was playing you for his own benefit all along. Although… Maybe that's exactly what needs to happen for you to start thinking clearly."

"Sure, I know what you mean, but… I just don't feel like he's the kind of guy to do something like that. And why do you instantly assume that it'll end up being the whole nine yards? Isn't it possible for us to just be friends? Simply enjoy spending time together?"

Aki studied Tsuki's face in silence for a few moments, considering her next words carefully.

"Because I can see what he's already done to you, Tsuki," she finally said, a bittersweet sadness in her eyes. "What effect seeing him has had on you. Whenever he comes to Stray, and even when you talk about him, I can see you're happier than I've seen you in ages. I won't deny that a part of me is glad you've found a guy you feel you can connect with, but—"

"But you wish it was someone else. Someone more normal," Tsuki finished for her.

"That's what I said, isn't it…" Aki heaved a resigned sigh. "Seeing how many normal guys have tried to ask you out by now, though… I'm beginning to think that maybe it's just not meant to be."

"Um… It's not like I turned all of them down just because they were regular guys, you know," Tsuki grimaced.

"But not even one managed to get you to meet him outside of the bar, did he? Meanwhile, you gave this guy your cell number and went out to eat with him of your own free will. Not to mention that whole fight thing. You like him more than you're letting on — don't you?"

Her eyes brimming with unspoken sorrow, Tsuki fixed her gaze on the pieces of charcoal smoldering underneath the grate of the table grill.

"Can I be real with you for a moment?" she asked in a small voice.

"Sure. I'm listening."

"It's been long enough since… you know who. I… I finally feel like I'm ready to take that leap and trust someone again."

"Tsuki—"

"I know what you want to say. And, I know it'll be difficult, but… This time, it feels right. Maybe I'm being blind and I'll regret it down the line — but I won't know if I don't try. I've been thinking about it for a while and… it's a risk I'm willing to take. It's my choice and I'm ready to face its consequences, whatever they may be. So, please… Trust in what I'm telling you and let me take this chance."

Hearing this, Aki fell silent. She let her friend's words sink in, keenly aware of the weight they carried.

"It's… actually pretty big to hear you say that. Fine. I knew all along you wouldn't listen to me, anyway… But I had to speak my mind. All I can say now is that I hope you're right." She paused, still reluctant to accept Tsuki's chosen course of action, but powerless to steer her away from it. Slowly beginning to make peace with this new reality, she laughed resignedly. "What do you even see in him?"

"Something you obviously don't."

"...That is one thing we can agree on," Aki scoffed, then paused again to think. "So, what's the plan?"

For a short while, Tsuki did not respond, using the time it took her to eat her next bite to gather her thoughts.

"I'll try to find out where I stand, as you put it. That much you were right about. But only if the opportunity presents itself — it's not exactly something I can ask him just like that…"

"Then again, why not? Or are you afraid of what you'll hear?"

"...No, that's not it. Though… Maybe I am? I don't know. But, what I meant was that I can't do it in front of people. And it's not something to be done over the phone, either."

"Well, then my temporary absence should help with that, assuming that he shows. See what happens, then go for it when you feel it's the right moment."

"Wow… You finally sound like my best friend again."

"Finally? Gee, thanks," Aki chuckled in response.

Tsuki's reaction, however, was a bitter smile.

"I never thought we'd one day be up in arms about something like this, though," she scoffed.

"If you ask me, it was bound to happen eventually."

"I'm sorry," Tsuki said out of the blue, surprising the other girl. "I know how I can get sometimes, but… Never change, Aki. You're a better friend than I could've ever wished for."

"Whoa, whoa, what's with you, all of a sudden?" Aki gasped, flustered by her friend's frankness.

"I mean it," Tsuki grinned, ignoring Aki's embarrassment. "And… Thank you for always looking out for me."

All Aki could do was respond with a warm, if slightly bashful, smile.

"Um… Yeah. You're welcome. Now, enough about that!... Say… You still hungry?"

"Huh?... Oh. Less than I thought I'd be, but I'm down for some more if you are."

"Sure — who knows when we'll be able to splurge like this again. Actually… Seeing how lost you'd be without me, I deserve a raise, don't you think?"

"Hey, now, don't push your luck!"

They laughed, as if they had not been at each other's throats mere minutes earlier. The air now cleared, the relaxed atmosphere from earlier seemed to have finally returned and they spent the rest of their time together that day chatting about anything and everything that happened to pop into their heads.


Late Tuesday night, Majima finally found himself with enough time on his hands to spend a few hours doing whatever he pleased — which, in recent weeks, more often than not ended up being visiting Stray. A week had nearly passed since he had last seen Tsuki, but there was not much he could do when the Tojo, his own family, as well as Majima Construction suddenly and all at once required him to do actual work, administrative or other. It had simply been one of those weeks, and the moment he felt that all the fires had been put out and things would return to normal for another while, he leaped at the opportunity to spend some time away from prying eyes in the company of his newest friend.

Fighting off the knot in his stomach, which seemed to have turned into a regular occurrence before their every meeting now, he descended the stairs leading into the bar and welcomed the familiar smell of its interior. It was lively, but not as crowded as he had seen it in the past — perhaps, it was simply one of those days or, maybe, the wave of customers from the rush hour had already subsided, seeing that by the time he arrived it was already well past midnight. Noticing that the chairs at the counter were empty, he made a beeline for them without much thought, and took a seat with the confidence of the guest of honor he had inadvertently become. Before, whenever he would visit, the best he could say about the atmosphere at Stray was that it was blissfully neutral — now, however, it seemed to have become straight-up welcoming. Although a part of him was getting increasingly worried by the fact that the regular patrons were starting to recognize his face, he chose to push those concerns away and instead focus on the one person that had become the main reason for his visits.

This time, however, she was absent from her usual spot behind the counter. Little choice that he had, Majima sat alone in front of the backlit shelves for a few minutes, wondering where she had disappeared to. He took a look around, searching for her with her gaze. A moment later, he saw her appear in the doorway of the other room, tray in hand. She noticed him when she lifted her eyes and greeted him with a wide grin.

"Evenin'," he said once she was within hearing distance.

He could no longer deny the way her eyes seemed to have lit up when she saw him. Had Akiyama and the old man been right, all along? The thought made his heart noticeably pick up pace.

"Hey," she smiled, already preparing a glass for him. Hearing no words of protest, she filled it with ice, and poured him his usual whisky. "It's been a while — thought I'd see you sooner, actually."

"Oh? My bad. Did ya miss me?" he goofily returned her grin.

Despite not having exchanged a single word since parting in front of Matsuya on the day of their promised fight, somehow, it felt as if hardly any time had passed since they had last seen one another. The events of that day seemed to have nudged their relationship beyond that of patron and bartender, and birthed a new kind of bond between them, providing them with a mutual understanding that transcended words. Their unspoken but clear fondness for the other was quickly becoming natural, as though they had known each other considerably longer than was the case. It was a subtle, yet significant change, imperceivable to all but the two of them.

"Well, someone's in high spirits despite the late hour," she smirked. "I was just curious. I thought that, maybe, you'd gone silent because you finally got that fight you wanted."

"Naw… Been busy, that's all. Had to take care of some mundane shit the last few days. Finally bein' able to come here is actually the highlight of my week."

"So, even the life of a notorious yakuza can be boring at times, huh?"

"It can when nothin's goin' down 'round this time of year, for once."

Tsuki found the hint of disappointment in his voice unsurprising.

"I, on the other hand, much prefer when stuff doesn't explode every few months," she snickered. "It's bad for business, you know."

"I can imagine. That said," he shrugged, "if it means I got more time to drop by yer bar an' unwind, then maybe borin's not all that bad every now an' then."

While they were talking, Tsuki returned to preparing other drinks, placing them on the delivery tray one by one.

"Why, thank you. I'm glad our fight wasn't the only thing that kept you coming back," she said, glancing at him from above the glass she was pouring the contents of her shaker into.

The mysterious smile she gave him made words catch in his throat for a moment. There were so many things he could say to her in response, he realized, but it did not feel like the time nor the place for any of them. In the end, he chose to simply reciprocate her smile instead.

"Speakin' of… Ya don't seem any worse for wear after our lil' dance," he changed the subject slightly. "Good to see."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Though, I did feel a bit sore the next day," she admitted. "Just goes to show how rusty I've become. Or, maybe I'm just getting old," she chuckled.

"Eh, rusty, maybe, but old? Naw. Some of my boys can only dream of doin' half the things ya can do — an' they're in their twenties."

"Maybe there's hope for me yet, in that case." Done with the current batch of orders, she took the tray in her hands. "I'll be right back. Gotta get these delivered."

"Ah," he nodded, and followed her with his eye as she left.

Returning his gaze to the glass in his hand, he waited for Tsuki to return. However, barely a minute had passed before he noticed another patron — a woman — take the seat next to him in the corner of his eye. It seemed odd that she would choose that particular spot, seeing as there were other empty chairs at the counter, but he decided to pay it no mind. A few quiet moments later, he sensed her shuffle in her seat.

"Hey there, handsome. Mind if I buy you a drink?"

The words that came out of her mouth were possibly the last thing he would expect to hear. Giving her a sidelong glance, Majima saw she had turned towards him, slender legs crossed, elbow propped on the counter, and a mysterious smile playing on her face. He had never seen her at Stray before, nor anywhere else that he could recall. With her black low-cut dress, she seemed somewhat out of place. The hell did she want with him? At a cursory glance, she looked to be no older than thirty and more than enough attractive to talk up any other man at the bar, but, for some reason, she had chosen him instead. Was she that desperate?

"Thanks, but I'm fine for the time bein'," he gave her a forced smile, lifting up his glass to show her as proof.

"Ooh, a Kansai man, are you? No need to be coy. I can wait until you finish that one."

Her flirtatious gaze as she looked him up and down was making him increasingly uncomfortable. He did not want to tell her outright to leave him be, so as not to be rude, but the fact remained that she was laying it on a little thick. Unfortunately for her, the way he was now, he could not care less for her advances if he tried.

"Or… perhaps you'd prefer a change of venue?" she added, blind to his indifference. "I know a few places where we could have some more fun. You know… Just the two of us."

As luck would have it, the moment she said that,Tsuki returned behind the counter with the now-empty tray. One look at the situation unfolding in front of her seemed to have told her everything she needed to know.

"Welcome. Can I get you something?" she greeted the girl next to Majima with a smile, taking a measure of her at the same time.

"Oh, yes, in a bit," the girl smiled innocently. "As soon as the gentleman beside me finishes his drink, we'll decide what we'll be having next."

"Sure thing," she smiled, but secretly glanced at Majima for confirmation. The tortured look on his face paired with his eye sending her a silent plea for help gave her a clear answer. "He doesn't appear all that interested, though."

The woman seemed taken aback. She gave Tsuki an indignant stare.

"How would you know? He isn't your man… is he?"

Curious how she would react, Majima raised his eyes to look at her face. Perhaps he had imagined it, but he could have sworn that, for a split-second,Tsuki's eyebrows twitched. Otherwise, she remained unfazed by the other girl's comment. He knew that he could simply speak up to assist in resolving the current situation, but he was now morbidly curious how it would develop without him.

"He's not — but that doesn't mean I'll turn a blind eye to one patron harassing another. And, seeing as he doesn't seem too keen on taking up your offer, that seems to be exactly what's happening here."

"Harassing him? Me?" The girl appeared offended by the accusation. "Is there something wrong with a woman offering to buy a man a drink?"

"It is when he doesn't want it. So, please stop bothering him, or I will have no choice but to ask you to leave."

Observing their exchange, Majima took note of the veiled aggression in their voices. What the hell was happening here? Looking at her from the sidelines, he could see Tsuki had murder in her eyes as she and the other girl were now locked in a bizarre staring contest. It appeared she was wordlessly telling the stranger to back off — or else. There was nothing ambiguous about it on the surface and yet, the possible implications made him more excited than he cared to admit. He felt a wave of heat creep up his neck and spill into his face.

"Hmph. That won't be necessary. It seems this bar's not my style anyway," the girl scoffed, clearly irritated.

Head held high in indignation, she got to her feet and left without another word. The situation resolved, Tsuki heaved a sigh and shook her head.

"Thanks for the assist," Majima spoke up.

"Don't mention it. Part of the job, after all. I'm guessing she wasn't a friend of yours?"

"Yeah, never seen her before. Didn't feel right for me to turn her down straight off the bat, but… She was startin' to become a nuisance just 'fore ya came back. Poor girl musta been desperate to try hittin' on someone like me, of all people," Majima laughed in a self-derisive manner.

"Oh? And why would that be?"

"Aw, c'mon," he snickered. "Do I look like the first guy a girl would chat up at a bar to ya?"

Studying his face, Tsuki pondered his question for a moment before replying.

"To each their own, I'd say. It's not my place to judge."

"Would you do it, if ya were her?"

"Me?" She appeared more surprised than he would have anticipated. "I don't know… Probably not. No offense, of course."

"None taken. But, ya see? Told ya."

"Okay, fine. Still, whatever her reason might have been, she chose to try her luck with you. Some guys would take it as high praise, seeing as she was quite cute and all. Hell, they'd let her wrap them around her finger in a heartbeat."

"Feh. I'm sure they would. But, unlike 'em, I ain't here lookin' to get lucky."

"Right… You're here to enjoy quality booze and shoot the shit with your favorite bartender, yeah?" she winked at him playfully.

"Damn straight. Got it in one," he gave her a smug grin, lifting the glass up to his lips. "So… How's yer week been, then?"

Tsuki eyed him with curiosity — as far as he went, his question just now was uncharacteristically mundane, not to mention one the likes of which he had never asked her before. It seemed innocent enough, so she had no reason not to indulge him. Between mixing and delivering drinks to other patrons, she told him about the deal she had made with Aki and about their dinner at Kanrai, as well as the general reason for her absence once Majima had come to the realization that Tuesdays were indeed not her usual days off.

He listened closely to what she was saying, throwing in a comment of his own here and there. He took note of how comfortable and casual their chats had become over time. And, even once the conversation seemed to have run dry, the silence did not bother him. It felt relaxing, peaceful even, just to be near her; to watch her work as he leisurely sipped on a stiff drink as though both time and the outside world were of no consequence.

Before he knew it, the hour had grown late and the customers were beginning to clear out. Eventually, it was just the two of them again, the hands on the clock now nearing three a.m. He was only halfway through his second round of the night, but she showed no inclination to hurry him, casually getting as much cleaning done around the bar as she could instead. When she returned behind the counter with what must have been the last batch of dirty glasses and began placing them one by one in the dishwasher, Majima could not shake off the impression that she seemed unusually lost in thought.

"There somethin' on yer mind?" he broached the subject, trying to meet her eyes. "Want me to get a move on so ya can close up early?"

His question abruptly pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Oh, no, it's nothing… Take all the time you need. I don't mind."

"It don't look like nothin' to me. C'mon, if somethin's eatin' ya, maybe I can help somehow."

"Yeah, actually… You probably can," she chuckled lightly, reaching for a cloth with which to shine the now-clean glassware from some time earlier.

"...Oh? Now, ain't that unexpected. Lay it on me."

She seemed to be gathering her thoughts for a spell, as though still trying to decide whether or not to tell him what had her so preoccupied.

"Alright, then… Mind if I ask you something personal?"

"Personal, eh? Sure, what the hell," he shrugged, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Given the go-ahead, Tsuki lifted her eyes to look at him. There was something in her gaze that made Majima feel as though she was staring straight into his soul. He had never experienced anything like it from her before. It gave him pause.

"You single?"

"Wha…?" Her actual query caught him completely unawares. Feeling his pulse quicken, he swallowed hard, hoping that she would not notice. As far as things he could have guessed she would ask him went, this was nowhere near the top of his list. "Why do ya wanna know, all of a sudden?"

"Sorry — it probably came out weird, didn't it?" she responded with an embarrassed, almost nervous, chuckle. "I'm just curious. And, I realized I never actually asked."

She certainly had a talent for asking loaded questions in a most casual manner, Majima mused, but, this time, he could have sworn there was a barely-audible hint of hesitation in her voice.

"I mean — you're not half bad as far as looks go, you're fit, and definitely fun to be around, so… You must have women lining up for a chance to go on a date with you, right? Just like what happened tonight."

She had caught him off guard again, but he managed to recover quickly before her words had the chance to put a blush on his cheeks. He preferred not to wonder whether or not her praise had any hidden meaning right now. She had a tendency to speak her mind without any additional agenda tacked on, after all. Knowing her, her question stemmed from nothing more than pure curiosity, just like she had said.

"I think you're forgettin' 'bout one important bit — I'm a yakuza. Not many women in the market for that, an' sure as hell not long-term," he smiled bitterly. "But if it'll satisfy yer curiosity, then… Yeah, guess I am. Was married once, but that was a long time ago."

His answer made her knit her brow. She picked up another clean glass and focused on shining it, thinking.

"Batsu-ichi, huh? What happened? If you don't mind me asking, of course."

"Turned out we had vastly different priorities at the time, she an' I," he scoffed.

"I see… But, what about now? You ever considered patching things up with her?"

He took a swig of his whisky, then fixed his gaze on the ice that was still inside the glass.

"Not after she stabbed me in the back like she did. Ain't said a single word to her since. I'd… rather not talk 'bout it any further, if ya don't mind."

"Oh. Of course… Didn't mean to dredge up bad memories. And, for what it's worth… I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Shit happens."

"Yeah, I guess it does…" Letting her gaze wander for a moment, she noticed his glass was empty. "Want a refill?"

"Yeah. Hit me up."

Feeling a knot form in his stomach again, he watched as she replaced the ice and poured him another round. On the spur of the moment, he decided to turn the tables on her.

"So, uh… What 'bout you? Ya got a special someone in yer life?"

Once the words had left his mouth, he realized that waiting for her answer was making him more anxious than he had anticipated.

"Well… I used to have someone like that, but that was way back. Then… A few years after I'd moved to Kamurocho, I dated a guy, but only after he'd pulled a fast one on me did I realize that whatever it was we had, it wasn't love. I've been trying to forget he even existed ever since. After that… I kind of gave up on ever trusting anyone like that again."

Majima listened closely, sipping on his fresh drink. Her last words hit him particularly hard. Inferring that the bond of trust which he thought had deepened between them over the last two months had a predetermined cap, he felt the ache in his chest grow. But, perhaps, it was better this way. He decided not to dwell on it for the time being.

"Real sorry to hear that… What 'bout that first guy, though? The one ya said was actually special to ya. What happened with him?"

"That's the thing," she gave him a crooked smile, swapping to the next glass in line. "Nothing happened. We were good friends… He didn't know it, but, at the time, I would've done anything for him. Then, one day, he told me he was moving to Hokkaido. I was devastated, but… In the end, I never told him how I felt. We went our separate ways and, even though we'd promised each other we'd keep in touch, it all kind of fell apart after that. From what little I've heard from him over the years, he found a steady job at some local company, got married… Probably already has kids by now. Meanwhile, I'm still here, wondering if things would've been different had I told him the truth."

"Ya think there was a chance he cared for ya, too?"

"Hmm… Hard to say," she frowned. "Sure, the way we were, you would've thought we had all the makings of a good future couple. But, like I said, I never told him how I felt about him and he never made a clear move, either. Maybe he was afraid, just like I was? Guess I'll never know now." She paused for a moment. "I did learn one important thing from it, though."

"Oh? An' what might that be?"

"It taught me that you should take your chances, no matter what happens afterwards. Good or bad outcome, at least you won't have any regrets later."

"An' how's that wisdom worked out for ya so far?" he quipped.

She laughed bitterly in response.

"I never said I was a role-model when it comes to these things. Giving advice is actually a lot easier than following it myself. Go figure."

Majima mulled over what she had said in his head. The longer he thought about it, the greater the feeling of hopelessness that overcame him. He took another sip of his drink before speaking again.

"Well, thanks for the advice, then, but I think this ol' dog's all outta chances to take," he said, his tone sullen.

"Nonsense," she rebuffed him, a warm smile returning now to her face. "If there's anything someone like me can say for sure, it's that life is full of surprises. Chances at happiness tend to present themselves when we least expect them, you know? It's just us who are scared to act out of fear of getting put down again. I'm sure fate still has something in store for you. After all, you're what? Forty at this point?"

"Somethin' like that…" he grimaced. He did not care enough to correct her. It was flattering to know he did not look his age to her, but it did nothing to lift his spirits. "Still… Sure feels like all the chances of findin' someone right — if someone like that even exists — passed me by a long time ago."

"Yeah, see… The thing is, love doesn't always play by our rules. Doesn't matter if you're twenty, forty, or sixty — sometimes, it just happens when you least expect it to and there's nothing you can do about it. So, you shouldn't give up hope."

"Easy for ya to say. At least you're still pretty enough to hold out hope that a prince'll waltz in on a white horse someday soon."

"Hah! Now that's a good one," she laughed. "I appreciate the compliment, but a pretty face isn't enough to find someone willing to accept a girl with as much baggage as I have, I'm afraid."

She was still smiling, but, somehow, Majima had the impression that the conversation was growing heavier by the minute. He was becoming more and more curious how far he could push her. He felt a kind of kinship with her; their talks had become akin to exchanging war stories with someone who had also been through some rough times, even if he was fairly certain they were but a fraction of what he himself had experienced up to that point.

"Just shows ya still haven't come across the right guy," he said, trying to reassure her, feeling his own spirits sink ever lower. "But I'm sure ya will, in time. Never give up hope — ain't that what ya said?"

Again, she laughed. Majima was beginning to think that, at times like these, laughing things off was her defense against showing her true feelings.

"Damn, then I hope he gets a move on, 'cause I'm not getting any younger here!"

This time, he chuckled as well. He was starting to notice the buzz from the drinks he had had. Although closing time was fast approaching, he did not feel like moving from his spot. Being there, talking with her — it had become a part of his routine. Despite his best efforts, he felt that what he knew about her was merely the tip of the iceberg — but, at the same time, she felt like an old friend, someone he could open up to. Whenever he found himself at Stray exchanging quips with her or simply chatting about even the most mundane things, he felt oddly at peace. He had never thought a place that could make him feel that way existed in Kamurocho, yet here it was.

"Okay, enough about that. You want another one? Last call," she asked, gesturing towards his now-empty glass.

He considered it for a spell, but decided against it, in the end.

"Naw, I'll pass." He hesitated. In truth, he wanted to stay for as long as he could, but, knowing that the alcohol could loosen his tongue, he was worried he would inadvertently let slip something he might regret. "Actually… Think it's time I called it a night." He slid off the chair and left the money on the counter. "I'll see ya 'round."

"Yeah. Thanks for today. Take care out there, you hear?"

"Ah," he said in acknowledgement, raising his hand in a gesture of farewell as he sauntered towards the exit.


The chilly night air bit into his lungs the moment he stepped out into the street. What was he even doing at this point? Against his better judgment, he was letting himself fall for her. He knew that full-well now. He had been sure he had hardened his resolve enough not to let anyone in ever again — but there he was, slipping once more. He wasn't even entirely sure if the attraction he felt towards her was mutual. What if his feelings were wholly one-sided, after all?

"Take yer chances, huh..." he mumbled to himself, recalling her words as he walked.

His head was a mess, both because of the alcohol and the conflicting thoughts rushing through his mind. As the days he frequented Stray had turned into weeks and weeks into months, one would think either of them would have made a move one way or another by now. But neither of them really had, so far. It felt good to have a civilian friend he could trust enough to open up to, someone he could feel comfortable around. Someone who did not judge him based on appearances or reputation. It was enough in and of itself; hoping for anything more seemed like selfishness. And yet, the more time he spent with her, the clearer the bittersweet ache he felt in his chest when he thought of her became. By now, he knew all too well what it meant — he wanted more. It was high time he acknowledged it, but in doing so, he felt a wave of absolute dread wash over him. As loath as he was to admit it to himself, this time, he was afraid of being rejected. Of ruining something that was already better than what he could have asked for.

He stepped off the main street into a small park and sat down on the single bench there. By this time of night — or morning, depending on how one looked at it — the area was practically deserted, the growing cold of the late autumn night just another deterrent against loitering. The only sound he could hear in the vicinity was the crackling of a slowly-dying fire inside a nearby trash can. He heard the small voice at the back of his head again.

How can ya be so old an' still such a damn fool, Goro?

After all — even if a sliver of hope still existed that she would not turn him down outright and, looking past her painful memories, make the difficult choice to trust him — what could he give her that she would want? The only thing he could offer her was himself — his flawed, scarred self. She was strong, possibly stronger than any woman he had met before. She had already found a place to belong, doing what she enjoyed for a living and making more than enough money to get by while at it. How insane would she have to be to risk throwing it all away and consider a dangerous, unpredictable future with him, which he knew was the only one he could promise her?

He heaved a long, heavy sigh. He had never put much stock in such things, but, this once, he sighed a small prayer for a sign what to do. Unable to make up his mind, he leaned back and raised his eyes to the sky above in search of answers. He watched the dark clouds drift slowly through the firmament until the bright light of the moon they had been obscuring hit his eye. Captivated by the sight, he stared at its pale, silvery splendor. Eye widening in sudden realization, his heart skipped a beat as he mouthed her name silently. The next moment, he shot up from the bench and made his way to his apartment with a determined spring in his step.


Hunched over, he sat cross-legged on his laid-out futon, holding his cell phone in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. The cool air was wafting in from the cracked window, but he was sweating bullets in spite of it. His hands were trembling slightly, his heart pounding in his chest. Staring at the thread with the messages they had exchanged a week earlier, he had already nearly given up a few times. He stayed that way until the small digital clock in the corner of his cell phone's screen displayed a time when he could be fairly certain she was back home. The mixture of anticipation, excitement and dread flowing through his veins was beginning to turn into physical anguish. Angrily, he snuffed out the cigarette against the bottom of the ashtray he had placed next to the bedding. For once in his life, he wanted something to go right. Doing his utmost to push the doubt away, he cursed under his breath and willed his thumb to type a message. It was now or never.

Ya still awake?

Having pressed 'Send', he watched the screen like a hawk. A minute passed. He was beginning to feel nauseous. Two minutes... Three… Five. The status under his message remained unchanged — it looked like he was too late. She was probably already asleep, he thought, and flipped the phone shut in resignation. He lay down on the side, placing the phone next to his head, and took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

He jolted up as if electrified when the cell phone vibrated and beeped. Grabbing it, he almost let it fall out of his hands. There was now a sealed envelope icon next to her name. She actually replied, despite the hour.

Yeah.

What's up?

Again, he stared at the screen, feeling his heartbeat in his ears. Now came the hard part.

Got any plans for Thursday evenin'?

The time he needed to wait for her next reply was significantly shorter than before.

Not really.

Why?

This was it. Unlike before, he had no reason to ask her to meet him that he could use as an excuse. He knew that, outside of literally spelling it out, the message he was about to send to her would make his intentions pretty clear. He was certain she would pick up on it, but he had made his choice.

Wanna grab a bite together?

His eye lingered on the word 'together'. He felt like a fifteen-year-old inside and he utterly despised it. His phone chimed again a few moments later.

Yeah, why not :)

Your treat?

Cheapskate, he smirked to himself. Not like it mattered — he would probably end up paying either way, he realized.

Sure.

Any place in particular ya wanna go?

I could go for some good ramen, so…

Kyushu No. 1 Star, maybe?

Ramen, huh? Why wasn't he surprised?

No objections here.

6 alright with ya?

Sounds good.

See ya there, then.

'Night.

Yep!

Goodnight. (Morning? ^_^")

He kept staring at the conversation for a while after. Although he felt physically exhausted as he flipped his phone shut and crashed onto the bedding, he was grinning. It worked. Somehow, it worked. She had had no obligation to accept his invitation, but she had done it anyway. Maybe it was simple courtesy, or maybe the lack of a sufficient reason to decline? Looking at it objectively, so far, nothing clearly suggested they were, or could become, more than what they were — acquaintances, maybe friends. Sure, they had ended up having their fight, followed by eating out together, but the former had been merely the fulfillment of a promise, while the latter had been a spur of the moment decision. Knowing this, he had feared she would turn him down this time. She had not, however.

Steadying his breathing, he tried to temper his expectations. Agreeing to go out with him to eat on her day off — it being his treat, too — did not mean she was genuinely interested in him. However, he could not deny that, although neither of them had called it thus, what they had just agreed on had all the makings of a proper date. He could not help wondering whether she indeed thought of it the same way as he did.

He took a deep breath, then heaved a long sigh. The best thing he could do was to simply enjoy their time together and see how the situation would develop. After all, if he prepared himself for the worst — which, in this case, was nothing at all — then the only thing that could await him was a pleasant surprise. It was, however, easier said than done. Though the adrenaline rush was gradually subsiding, he found himself so excited about meeting up with her alone that sleep eluded him. When it finally came, he slept like a log until he was eventually woken up by numerous persistent calls from Nishida.