Chapter 101
A pedibus usque ad caput
From feet to head"
"It's not time to worry yet."
—To Kill a Mockingbird
Kagome listened and watched Shippo continue his tale with vigor about how he led the charge against the youkai who dared to try and harm the village.
He was adorable, and Kagome looked over at Inuyasha as Shippo leapt over her legs, showing off how the demon crouched and crawled across the earth.
It was adorable with his little tail wagging up in the air like that and she giggled as he bounded around the fire telling his tale. Inuyasha sat down beside her, and she noted how his leg brushed hers, maintaining the contact between them.
She couldn't deny that she liked it either.
"And then I used my foxfire, and it ran away!"
"That's quite the dream," she said as Shippo leaned onto her leg, tail wagging behind him eagerly.
Kirara mewed as she climbed into Sango's lap.
Shippo turned to look at Sango as well.
"Can I go outside before Miroku gets back with breakfast?"
"Do you want someone to go with you?"
Shippo tapped his chin and then shook his head.
"No, I'll be right back."
"Okay, but don't go far."
"Okay!" He bounded over to the door, pushing it open, and then disappeared.
"Runt can't shut the door?" Inuyasha grumbled as the first rush of cold air penetrated the room. He stood gracefully and walked over, shutting the door. "I should lock it just to make him learn a lesson."
"But you're not, because that would be mean, right?"
He gave her a sneering look at the thought of being nice or kind, even though he'd been nothing but since she'd disappeared.
If anything, he'd been kinder than she'd ever expected.
"Fine, if he leaves it open, then I'm going to punt him across the room."
"You're going to do no such thing," Kagome said as Inuyasha moved to sit down right beside her. "Just remind him to close the door, and everything will be fine." She lightly patted his knee, and the scowl on his face lessened as his hand closed around hers, keeping it firmly pressed to his knee as he stared across the room and not at her.
She smiled at his antics and let him hold her hand.
The door opened behind them, and she braced for the cold.
"Oi, runt, you leave that door open again and I'll chunk you out here and eat your breakfast."
"I was only going to be gone for a little bit!"
"It's fucking cold, and Kagome just got over being sick!" He snapped, and Kagome watched the fluffy little tail droop.
"Inuyasha," she soothed. "It's okay, really. Everyone's fine."
He grumbled a growl, mostly of frustration, and sat there staring at her for a long moment before huffing and staring at the wall as if it had personally wronged him.
Miroku slid the door open, leaning his head in.
"Breakfast will be ready shortly, will one of you come help bring the trays? Of my many talents, I am not able to carry all of them at once."
"I'll help!" Shippo said, darting over to the door.
"I'll go," Sango said, lightly patting Kagome's shoulder. "We'll be right back."
She nodded, giving her a smile.
Sango turned to Inuyasha.
"And you better behave," she warned darting out the door after Miroku and Shippo.
"What the fuck do you think I'm gonna do?" He shouted after her, a growl following a short burst of expletives.
Kagome giggled. She couldn't help it.
"You just gonna sit there and laugh at me too?" He grumbled sliding closer to her. And just like that, they were alone, and Kagome had a list of questions she wanted to ask, but her mouth wouldn't let her form them.
Inuyasha's hand reached up, lightly rubbing her forehead, and he hit a sore spot and she winced.
"How bad is it?" She asked.
"It's bruised, but the swelling has gone down." His thumb lightly ran over her cheek. "It's the same here. Does it hurt?"
"No, not unless you press on it like that." She scrunched her nose, and she watched the corner of his mouth twitch upwards slightly, before he frowned.
"I'm sorry," he said, his hand cupping her cheek.
"For what?" She asked, reaching up to cover his hand with hers.
"This," he whispered, leaning forward.
Kagome inhaled sharply, as Inuyasha hesitated just in front of her for a second, as if waiting for her to close the gap.
Her eyes flicked from his lips to his eyes before slowly licking her lips and then pressing herself towards him—right as the door slid open.
Both of them backpedaled so hard that she let out a yelp as she pulled something from the wound on her shoulder.
"Shit," Inuyasha muttered. "What did you do?"
"I don't know," she whined, grabbing her shoulder with the opposite hand. "It just pulled."
"Did something happen?" Sango asked, setting a tray down in front of her. "Are you okay?"
"It just hurt when I moved."
"What were you doing that would make you move like that?" Miroku asked, eyebrow raised.
"Ask another dumb fucking question and I'll gut you with your own fucking staff, lecher."
"Ah, that makes sense."
Sango lightly rubbed Kagome's back.
"Do you need medicine?"
"No, it's already fading."
"The medicine will probably help with her ankle," Inuyasha offered.
"I'll get some." Sango rose to her feet to find the medical kit.
"It's fine, really."
"Take the damn medicine, Kagome."
Miroku sat the trays down beside them as Inuyasha grabbed the bottle of water and handed it to her. Sango reappeared with a couple pills in her hands and set them down in Kagome's palm.
She'd taken the time months ago to write the dosages on the bottles in clearer language so they could all read them, just in case she wasn't there to read them.
She took the pills and popped them into her mouth as she took a gulp of water, grimacing at the tart taste in her mouth.
"See? That shit tastes awful, doesn't it?"
"I never said it tasted good. Just that it was good for you."
He took the bottle of water from her and set the tray in her lap.
"Eat," he said, setting the water beside her and picking up his own tray.
"We'll change your bandages after breakfast," Sango said. "We can make sure that nothing has pulled open," Sango said.
Kagome ate quietly with Inuyasha sitting right beside her and nudging bowls towards her when she'd paused too long for his liking. She ate what she could, finishing off most of the tray, and pushing away the rest.
Shippo chatted about things that he'd seen or what he'd done while she'd been asleep. Drawings that he'd made and what they were and how they did them.
Shippo always had something to say, and it filled the quiet nicely.
Inuyasha's eyes scanned the tray, and he seemed satisfied with the amount that she'd eaten and let her be.
"I suppose that we should also talk about what our plans are for the future."
"Like what?"
"We'll talk about it after we've seen to bandaging your wounds. I'm sure that would ease Inuyasha a bit more."
Inuyasha snorted at the insinuation, and he slurped down the last of his miso.
"Come on, I'll move you behind the screen," he said, leaning over and scooping her up from the floor. He carried her behind the screen and set her down on the bedding. "What'd'ya need from that box, Sango?" He called, digging out the box from her backpack.
"Just give me the whole thing. I don't know what I'm going to need." Sango said as Kagome started unbuttoning her shirt, and Sango handed him his haori.
Kagome looked up at him as he backed away beyond the screen, and beyond her ability to see him.
She turned back to Sango as she pulled the shirt away to show her the wounds on her back.
Sango shifted to sit behind her.
The bandage was pulled away, and Sango carefully wiped the wound with a damp cloth and before cleaning it with the sharp smell of alcohol.
"How does it look?" Kagome asked.
"It looks a little irritated, but it doesn't look like you've pulled any stitches. So that's some good news. We'll just make sure that you take it extra easy for the next few days."
Kagome groaned inwardly.
This entire mess had just made everything worse. At this rate, she'd be an invalid forever.
She just wanted to be able to stand on her own two feet—literally and figuratively. Honestly, she just wanted to feel like herself again.
And it felt like she was just getting there, finally, and then everything went to shambles again.
"I guess," Kagome said as Sango applied more cream and then pressed a bandage over the wound. Sango looked at her arm and replaced the bandage on it, before moving to her ankle.
The joint was mottled purple and some green and yellow where it had begun to heal and she'd aggravated it with her running. Not that she really had an option.
"Let me help you change your clothes. Do you want to wipe yourself down a bit? You didn't have the chance to do it yesterday."
"That'd be great."
"Sure. Wait here," Sango said, rising up and walking around the corner of the screens. There were some hushed murmurs and then she reappeared a moment later with a very damp rag.
Sango handed it off and Kagome quickly wiped her torso down as Sango helped her strip the rest of her clothes and let her wipe down the rest of herself as Sango dug out a fresh change of clothes. It took Kagome a little bit of wiggling and shifting to get her clothes back on, but she deftly buttoned up her shirt as Sango packed away the medkit and then tossed the bandages into the fire.
It always smelled a bit when they did that, and she could imagine Inuyasha crinkling his nose at the smell.
"You're okay?" Sango asked, and Kagome nodded.
"Yeah, I'm good, I think."
There was a long sigh by Sango who glared over her shoulder at someone.
Probably Inuyasha.
"You heard her," Inuyasha grumbled.
"You're very needy."
"You smell like the monk, but you don't hear me complaining."
Sango's face erupted into a bright red blush as Miroku let out a loud and barking laugh.
Inuyasha moved around Sango, kneeling in front of her and carrying her back to the fire.
Setting her on the floor, he moved to sit behind her, which she was thankful for. The act of sitting upright on her own pulled on the stitches and made her back ache. Being able to lean back on Inuyasha was a relief, and she also didn't mind the cuddling, but Inuyasha let his arms loosely wrap around her waist.
Sango sat down beside Miroku.
"I suppose that now would be a good time to ask how we're all feeling about heading for Kaede's?" Miroku asked.
"Should we take a vote?" Shippo asked.
"It's Kagome's choice," Inuyasha said. "If she's not up to it, then we're not going."
"It's okay," she said, starting to lean away from him. "If everyone wants to go, then we can go."
"No," Inuyasha said, moving quickly enough that he was suddenly in front of her face, hand still supporting her lower back. "No, it's not up to them or me. What do you want to do?"
She swallowed, eyes drifting to Sango, and Inuyasha grabbed her chin turning it back to him.
"No, you decide. They don't get a fucking say in what we do."
"But—"
"You decide. What do you want to do?"
Kagome felt her cheeks start to heat at the closeness of Inuyasha's firm stare, and how he was holding her and her chin, keeping her in place.
After a moment, he released her chin.
"What would you like to do, Kagome?" Sango asked, drawing Kagome's attention.
What did she want to do?
Did she want to leave?
Not really. The idea of going back out there was scary. It seemed like there was always something lurking out in the woods and waiting to harm her. But she knew that she couldn't be afraid of it forever.
Did she want to stay?
Not really either. She wasn't afraid here, but she also wanted to be somewhere familiar. She'd feel better in Kaede's home. She'd feel safer there than she would here. And staying meant that she'd be giving Kikyo or whomever else was after her all the more time to prepare an attack, and staying would just delay getting to Kaede's anyway.
She didn't like either option. So which one did she like the least? The most?
"I think I want to leave," Kagome said, turning her gaze slowly to Inuyasha. He stared at her, eyes flicking every so slightly as he tried to determine if she was telling the truth.
"And that's what you want to do?"
She gave him a slight nod.
"Fine." He turned towards Miroku and Sango and announced, "Pack up your shit. We're leaving."
Leaning back, he glared at the two others, who both seemed to roll their eyes at him as they both got up and began to prepare to leave.
Inuyasha pulled away from her, standing slowly as he went to help them pack.
"If you two are quite capable, I will go tell them that we plan to leave shortly." Miroku quickly moved outside the room, and Kagome watched Sango and Inuyasha pack their things.
She didn't think that they'd be leaving now, and she could tell that Sango was irritated.
"Just because I want to leave doesn't mean that we have to go right away!"
"It's fine, Kagome. We wanted to leave too," Sango said moving to roll up her sleeping bag behind the screen.
"So why didn't you say so?"
"Because we wanted to make sure that you were okay with it," she answered, shooing Inuyasha away when he tried to help.
He crinkled his nose at her.
"Go sit with Kagome. You're useless anyway," Sango told him, pushing his hands away from where he tried to pack things into her backpack.
"And you call me an asshole."
"Well, you are one," she muttered, loud enough for Kagome to hear, and she couldn't help the small giggle that escaped her. Inuyasha turned to glare at her. "Oi, you on her side now? See if I carry you around anymore." He crossed his arms in front of his chest, and turned his head away from her.
"No," she whined, still laughing as the door opened. "I guess I'll have to ask Miroku if he'll help me out."
"What do I need to help with?" Miroku asked, stepping into the room.
"Fucking nothing," Inuyasha snapped, marching over to Kagome and sitting down next to her.
"I feel like I've walked into something, and if I say something I will only be making it worse."
He looked to Sango for some clarification, and she only smiled.
"Help me finish packing, and then we can go," Sango said, and Miroku moved to help her finish rolling up the sleeping bag.
"I feel bad for not being able to help. It's my stuff."
Inuyasha snorted.
"You've dealt with enough," he told her. "You can sit there and not fuck up your ankle more."
Kagome winced at that. Her ankle was messed up, and she could still see how swollen it was.
"Yeah," she mumbled, "sorry."
"Would you stop apologizing?" He said, leaning into her space. "You've done jack shit wrong, so you've got jack shit to apologize for, you understand?"
She could only nod, and Inuyasha returned the nod firmly.
"Good. Then we're sitting here and not saying dumb shit."
Kagome stared at him for a moment, as he crossed his arms and looked generally angry.
She reached out towards him, hand slipping towards his, and he grabbed it, wrapping his fingers around hers, aggressively, even as he held her hand with such care and gentleness.
The tenseness of his shoulders slowly faded, and he seemed to calm a bit, and his thumb ran across her knuckles.
"You're going to keep me safe," she told him, shifting to lean against his shoulder, resting her chin against it.
He turned slightly to look at her, and his eyes met hers for a long silent moment.
"'Course I am," he said, as if she was dumb to suggest anything to the contrary.
Once everything was packed and ready to go, Kagome found herself with a growing pit of anxiety.
She'd forgotten in the grand scheme of being at Kaede's, she hadn't really overly considered the 'getting to' portion of that. Sure that was part of the process, but now that the idea of leaving and being out in the open was there and unavoidable, she didn't want to go.
But they'd already packed up, and Sango said that they'd wanted to leave and they were just waiting on her to make a decision.
And now that she had, she was terrified of it. She didn't want to go outside. She didn't want to leave. She'd been safe and asleep for the most part of it, sleeping off the journey and really waking only once they were inside and safe.
But there would be days spent outside. Days before they would reach the village. Even if Inuyasha ran the entire time, it was still more than a day before they'd reach the familiar and safe village.
And it sent a cold trickle of ice up her spine.
"That's everything," Miroku said, far too eager and far too happy to be leaving.
Inuyasha rose to his feet, and Kagome swallowed back the bile.
She would not throw up. She was fine. This was fine.
He carefully lifted her up, shifting her weight just a bit, and Kagome reached up to grasp his haori firmly.
"You good?" Inuyasha asked, as he paused right on the cusp of the doorway.
She did nothing more than nod, burying her face into his shoulder.
"Kagome," he insisted, and she shook her head.
"I'm fine."
"Kagome." His tone was firm and unyielding.
"You said that you'll keep me safe," she told him, hoping that he would let it go and just—you know—go. It was hard enough to be there in this near limbo of leaving and not—of existing in this precipice of safety and proverbial danger, and she just needed him to do something—anything, except just stand there and wait.
She'd waited enough, she wanted to move and go.
"You promised to keep me safe, so go," she pleaded with him, voice just above a whisper, and finally he took a step outside, and the anxiety building to a crescendo abated—not completely, but it abated some, leaving her with the phantom tremors, like when lightning struck too close and the sound made her body vibrate.
"Kagome," he said, voice low and quiet and without any edge.
She tightened her grip on his haori, instantly regretting that she'd allowed Sango to give it back to him.
"I'm okay," she told him, and he sighed loudly and annoyed. "It's fine. Let's just go."
"You're not," he said, and she turned her head just a bit to see Miroku and Sango and Shippo waiting for them.
"Please, I just want to go."
He took a deep breath, clearly frustrated with her; she could tell by the way he was breathing.
"Perhaps we were too hasty," Miroku said after a long moment.
"No!" Kagome shouted at him. "I said I wanted to go, so let's go!"
She watched Sango and Miroku exchange looks, and she wanted to kick her feet and flail. She just wanted to go, and they wanted to go, so why weren't they just going?
"If you're not going to go, then put me down and I'll walk," she said, shifting her leg so that she could lower her feet to the ground.
His arms redoubled, holding her legs in place.
"You ain't walking anywhere. Have you looked at your ankle?" He snapped at her. "So just calm the fuck down and fucking stop trying to hurt yourself."
"Kagome?" Sango asked, stepping towards her. "Are you sure that you're okay to—"
"Yes! I just want to go!"
Why was this so hard to grasp?
She just wanted to leave so they were that much closer to Kaede's and some measure of safety.
Kaede wouldn't try to sell her off, and she wouldn't try to hurt her.
Kagome just wanted to be somewhere that she could trust.
Why couldn't they just understand that?
The stillness weighed on her, dragged on her body until the hooks in her spirit ached relentlessly, leaving her tired and sore.
Inuyasha's body moved forward, taking the first few steps towards the rest of the group.
"Let's go," he said, voice deep and firm, and she refused to look at his face and risk seeing the anger and the upset directed at her.
Sango and Miroku walked beside them as they left the small village in complete and utter silence. No one said anything as they travelled, and Kagome found it grating instead of comforting. The air around them felt tense and troublesome, fraught with the empty space that had followed her outburst earlier.
And it felt an awful lot like they were stuck in that very vacuum that she'd summoned with her tantrum.
She'd opened her mouth to speak countless times, and for once, her words failed her, and she opened her mouth to speak, but found everything she wanted to say escaping out of her mouth before she had a chance to actually speak it.
Kagome didn't know what to do or how to fix it.
And there was a brief moment where the fear that maybe it was broken forever rattled her.
But she was left in the blistering silence that kept her from speaking.
A/N: Happy Thursday!
Today was day 4 of my 35 days off this year, and it feels pretty good. I got a lot done, which included 8 hours of straight grading, but hey! I'm caught up and I'll be ready to post grades next week! And then we get a whole week off for a "fall break".
And for those who are wondering, I got my response from HR about my complaint and being afraid of retaliation, and the words they started with were "Fear is an emotion" So make of that what you will. Prayers on getting the full time faculty job at a college that I just applied to, because I need out of this hot mess sooner rather than later (but I will regret abandoning my students-not admin, just the students).
Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and as always, let me know what you think.
