Emily awoke feeling well-rested for the first time in what felt like years. She yawned, stretched, rolling over to glance at the alarm clock...only to sit bolt upright in alarm. It was after six AM and Lindy hadn't cried... In the blink of an eye, Emily was out of bed and racing to the nursery, only to find it empty.

"Alex!" Emily shouted. "Alex, wake up! Lindy is..."

Before she could finish raising the alarm, Alex appeared in the doorway with Lindy strapped to her chest. "Lindy was perfectly content," she said, "Until you woke her up with your shouting."

For a few moments, Emily blinked in stunned silence. "You... You're..." she stammered. "Have you been to bed at all?" she asked, realizing that she was wearing the same clothes as the night before.

"I couldn't sleep," she said with a shrug, "I couldn't turn my brain off – I revised my entire syllabus for all my classes, then needed to do laundry. I put in a load, then I got a little distracted by reorganizing the laundry room and..."

Emily waved her hand to distract Alex from recounting an entire night's worth of activity. "So, you didn't get any sleep?" she asked. "Aren't you exhausted?"

Alex shook her head. "I've got too much to do," she insisted. "Why don't you go back to bed? You should get some rest after all the late nights you've been pulling lately..." And to punctuate the statement, she dropped a quick kiss to her lips.

Emily seemed like she would've like to protest, but before she could, Alex had ushered her back into the bedroom. "Are you sure you're alright?" she couldn't help but ask.

"I'm perfect," Alex insisted.


When Emily awoke again several hours later, the house was silent. She went in search of Alex and Lindy, finding both asleep on the couch, Lindy curled up on Alex's chest, cooing softly in her sleep. She smiled fondly at her two girls, snapped a few pictures, then covered them with a blanket.

She was in the middle of making lunch – and marvelling at how clean the house looked after Alex's all night cleaning binge – when she noticed something odd: several unopened canisters of formula in the trash.

With a frown, she bent down, plucking the canisters from the garbage to return them to the pantry. Mentally, she made a note to mention it to Alex later.

It was quickly forgotten, though, when later that day, Lindy started seizing.

Emily feared this would send Alex spiralling back into her depression, but instead, something else entirely happened. As they waited outside the NICU, Alex paced frantically, tearing her cuticles to shreds in a habit she'd picked up from Emily. She kept muttering something to herself, but Emily couldn't quite make out what it was.

Finally, when she could stand the manic pacing no longer, Emily quietly urged, "Al, you're wearing a groove in the floor..."

Alex looked up sharply as if only just remembering she was there. "Sorry, she mumbled. She took a seat beside Emily, but continued picking her nails, muttering quietly to herself.

Now that she was closer, though, Emily could now hear what she was saying under her breath... She reached over to clasp Alex's hand. "This isn't your fault," she insisted softly. "The doctors said..."

She shook her head urgently. "I know what they said, but..." She trailed off with a weary sigh. "I knew this would happen," she added mysteriously.

Emily would have liked to ask what she'd meant by that, but in the next moment, the doctor running the EEG on Lindy returned to the waiting room.


"I'm so sorry, Lindy," Alex whispered on repeat, tenderly stroking a her thumb over the baby's knuckles, her tiny fingers wrapped around one of Alex's. "I let this happen to you... I'm so sorry."

Emily was making a coffee run – more for an excuse to stretch her legs than any actual desire for burnt cafeteria coffee – leaving Alex alone with the baby. Which was probably for the best because Alex really wasn't in the mood to explain to her wife why their daughter's seizure was her fault.

Lindy blinked sleepily up at her, her rosebud lips parting on a yawn.

"You're boring the poor thing," Emily teased, "Were you reading her your dissertation?" For a few moments, Alex's mouth hung open as she tried to decide whether it was meant as a joke. "I'm kidding," Emily assured her. She dropped a kiss to the top of her wife's head, passed her a cup of coffee. "I spoke to the doctor..."

"Oh?" Alex asked, trying not to sound too nervous.

She nodded. "They said there weren't any abnormalities on her EEG. They can't find anything wrong that caused it."

Alex did not seem encouraged by this news.

"They think they'll release her tomorrow," she added. When Alex still didn't comment, Emily prompted, "That's good news, right?"

She shrugged. "I just... Have they tested for everything?"

Emily frowned. "Like what?"

She shrugged a second time, suddenly seeming reticent to say.

"You didn't cause this," Emily reiterated, reading between the lines as to what she'd been so reluctant to say. "I hate that this happened as much as you do, but I promise you this is not your fault. I know you've had it in your head that she was going to have something wrong with her, but she is not a self-fulfilling prophecy, okay?" She tipped Alex's chin up so she was meeting her gaze. "You need to stop waiting for something bad to happen because you are making this way more stressful than it needs to be. It's really starting to piss me off..."

The last part came off harsher than she'd intended and she knew it the second it left her mouth because Alex's face hardened instantly. She didn't need to say anything, her expression alone was enough to let Emily know she was on extremely thin ice.

"I'm sorry," Emily immediately apologized, but it was too late. The words had already been spoken and there was no taking them back now.