A/N: this is a bit of a spicy chapter and I stared at this damn document for three days trying to work through the final few pages so it's a bit longer than other's but not by much, anyways, enjoy!
the next chapter will be the final pre-hogwarts chapter, chapter 5 onwards will be hogwarts.
Also bear with me as I port this work over frfom Archive of our own!
_
August 17th, 1993.
"No." her frustration was visible and the tension in the room was thick enough one could cut it with a knife. "Your stance is all wrong, you need to pivot your torso to the side or you'll be prone to attacks." To demonstrate he had knocked her flat on her ass, likely disturbing the guests in the room next door.
"Well?" she scowled, getting back on her feet to try again, "Still wrong."
"Then teach me, oh-wise-one." He frowned as she rolled her eyes, it had been just over a week since their first shared full-moon, "Have I not been?" he fired back, a playful glint in his eye. "Your stance isn't guarded enough, you keep your torso turned in, wand arm raised in the air with the other out in front of you." he showed her again, "Didn't Flitwick teach you this?" Seren's scowl deepened.
"I've never been particularly great in dueling…"
"It shows." Her eye twitched, it seemed it was quite easy to get a rise out of her. "Again." She looked about ready to scream as she resumed her stance, now mimicking him.
"That's much better. But keep your eyes on your opponent." She was once again blown backwards onto the floor.
"I think you're enjoying this." This time she stayed down, glaring at him as he smiled, "Cheeky bastard."
They'd spent the better part of the week on catching her up so she'd be prepared for their return to Hogwarts, or more specifically, she'd spent the better part of the last week learning while he'd been knocking her on her ass and seemingly enjoying every minute of it.
"Well, perhaps if you were quicker." He fired back, the smile never leaving his face,
"You're insufferable." Seren once again pushed herself off the floor, taking a seat on her bed.
"We're not finished. Back on your feet." He watched the bed dip as she at the end, wand sat beside her as she dipped her head into her hands to calm herself down, delicate fingers running through her curly hair, a tell of anxiety among muggles and wizards alike…this was not the only tell he'd noticed.
"One might think this turns you on…professor." The smile from Remus' face fell, she had a habit of getting mouthy when she was past her limit and on more than one occasion over the past week it had erupted into a full blown screaming match with one or both of them leaving the room or slamming a door.
"Don't." he'd specifically told her titles were meant for the classroom, but now and then she'd use his position as her teacher to get under his skin because she knew it got to him, that it upset him…
That was not all it did.
"Well, you're clearly in a position of authority mind right now, sending me to the floor. With all the slamming around I've been doing, merlin knows what the other guests think."
"Seren." She was treading a dangerous line right now and they both knew it. "I think it's time for a break, before we both do something we'll regret."
"And what do you propose?" there was nothing new to see in the area, every shop in a one mile radius had been explored and he'd deemed it unsafe to venture any further now that Auror's were all over on the lookout for Sirius Black.
"I propose you drop the attitude, young lady." Her eyes flashed, and he knew he'd crossed the line as she stood, wand left discarded on the bed and she walked out the door, slamming it behind her.
"Get back here!" he yelled after her, watching her storm down the hallway,
"FUCK OFF!" she yelled back from the hallway corridor, A few other guests opened their doors to see what the commotion was, sighing when they'd discovered it was the usual quarrelling pair. This time though he followed after her, snatching her by the wrist before she managed to leave the Leaky Cauldron.
"Let go!" Remus made no small show about pulling her away from prying eyes, pushing her into a secluded corner before dropping her wrist.
"I have been more than tolerant with you; however, you are wearing my patience thin and I don't appreciate the disrespect." Seren tried to move past him, not wanting to have this discussion while they were both wired. He snatched her arm pulled her back, forcing her against the wall of the tavern.
"What are you—" she felt a stone drop into her stomach as he backed her into a literal corner, staring her down. It was clear to anyone who knew werewolf culture that he was the dominant personality in this exchange.
"Look at me." when she declined he only felt his exasperation grow, "Seren." Her name was a statement, not a request. when she finally brought her head up to look at him what he saw hit like a cold slap to the face, he'd entirely misinterpreted the situation, she wasn't upset because he'd knocked her around, she was upset because she was scared.
Part of him wanted to reach out and console her, to pull her close and comfort her like he'd done during her hospital stay. Part of him wanted to run his fingers through the short tufts of curly hair that now framed her face. But the logical side of him told him no.
Well, logic be damned.
Seren's eyes fixated on him like a frightened rabbit, watching for any sudden movement or escape routes. as he raised his hand she half expected him to hit her and was completely caught off guard when his palm rested gently against her cheek, his thumb softly running along the skin.
"I'm not going to hurt you." he saw the fear in her eyes fade to confusion as jade colored irises flickered and he wondered for the briefest moment if she'd had any experience with boys her age, the idea of her being with someone, intimately, romantically, it filled him with a jealousy unfamiliar to him and it took every ounce of his restraint not to do the impulsive thing.
"Remus..."
Damn her. Damn the tremor in her voice, damn the confused and curious gaze that kept his eyes locked on her face, damn her ability to disarm him by simply calling his name, damn this life for putting her in his path…
His eyes flicked down to her lips as he moved his thumb, parting them ever so slightly before leaning closer. His mind screamed at him to stop, that he could lose the one good thing he had going for him, that he could lose the job Dumbledore had offered him.
He needed her to tell him to stop…and yet, she didn't, so he closed the gap between them.
This kiss had been awkward at first and he'd worried he'd frightened her again, but ever so slowly she had kissed him back. It was soft and reserved with no trace of the anger from earlier. Slowly his hand moved from her cheek to her chin, tilting her head up as he pulled away.
Her lips were flushed red and her cheeks were that soft shade of pink they'd been the morning after the full moon, when he'd nearly tripped on her naked body on his way to get dressed. The memory still made him chuckle.
"Beautiful." Seren tried to look anywhere but his face now, looking for any kind of distraction. "Look at me, Seren." Slowly her eyes drifted back to his face, "What's on your mind?" she didn't speak, not at first.
"I…I don't understand." He kept his hand under her chin, forcing her to look at him "What don't you understand?"
"Why did you…" he chuckled as she stumbled over her words, "Why me?"
"I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be." He was quoting Charles dickens. "After all your talk about me being your student…after all that tiptoeing you did during the full moon…All of it…and now you're jsut throwing all your words and…and…and common sense out the window?"
Perhaps he had thrown caution to the wind, but after 26 years of tiptoeing and letting his conscience do all the talking for him he'd finally let himself do the impulsive thing, and now the object of his affection was scolding him like he was a schoolboy again. He found it entirely absurd.
"Perhaps it was reckless of me." but he knew he'd do it again in a heartbeat. "That doesn't answer my question." He edged on insanity when her tone once again fell to reservation, and that warmth that had come over him that day they'd first arrived hit full force.
"What was your question?"
"If you knew that it could jeopardize your position, if you knew against all reason it was wrong…then why?" Remus smiled down at her, "I've never done anything impulsive in my whole life. I've always had to be calm and calculating." He'd told her his story at St. Mungo's, how his parents would lock him up in the cellar to ensure no one got hurt and how he'd been so excited at the prospect of going to school when Dumbledore had proposed the idea.
"So…I'm some kind of toy for you then?"
"No. No, Seren, you're not a toy. Far from it actually." If anything, she was his safe option, he couldn't hurt her if he bit her or scratched her when he turned but viewing her that way made her seem cheap.
"Then…then what is this?" once again his hand changed position, resting against her cheek again, "This is…" he had to think about it, "This can be whatever you want to call it, and if you tell me to stop I will." She stared long and hard at him for a moment, trying to search for insincerity before giving a small nod.
"I don't want you to feel pressured, Seren, I want you to ask questions and for the most part my hope is that things will stay the same between us."
"Stay the same?"
"We'll continue with your training, the goal is to make sure you're caught up before school resumes on September first, and I will work on taking your needs into consideration so we have fewer arguments. I have been quite harsh on you since starting. I'd also like for us to continue mealtimes together; I've noticed quite a change from that girl in the dungeon to the impressive young witch standing in front of me now."
"I'd hardly say getting my arse kicked is impressive…"
"You'll learn, it just takes practice." His arm rested comfortably back at his side, waiting for…something.
"I still don't fully understand…but I'm willing to try." Seren looked at him expectantly and it took Remus a moment to understand that she was telling him to move, given the intensity of the moment he'd forgotten he'd practically caged her into the small alcove, his eyes trailed after her as she ducked around him.
August 26th, 1993.
She'd made progress in the last week and it was evident in her spell work as she deflected his quite quickly.
"Well done!" he'd still been hard pressed to cram two years of spells into her head, but he'd been more patient than earlier in the month just as she'd been more open.
"Do you want to take a break?" she started to shake her head but he'd given her that stern look of his and her resolve crumbled, "I…" she stopped, her eyes cast to the ground as if the dust was suddenly quite interesting. "Yes. All of the noise outside is getting distracting." Remus smiled, "That's as good a reason as any." It was to be expected, with a second full moon, and a blue moon at that, approaching on the thirty-first, that concentration would be lacking, but he'd been impressed she lasted as long as she had.
"We'll stop for today." His eyes trailed after her as she tucked her wand away in the bedside table. the sun was high in the afternoon sky and from what they could see the weather would stay clear for the day with no dark overhang.
"I think we could venture out today, what do you think?" she seemed receptive to the idea, "I'd love to see something other than this dusty old room." He couldn't help but laugh, "Perhaps it's not the dusty old room you're sick of." her lips curled back in a smirk, "Well, if I thought I could escape you…" she was teasing him, and as much as he hated to admit, it was working.
"What do you say we find some place for food? Then we can take a walk along the river Thames?" his eyes drifted to her hands, she was fidgeting again "We could find somewhere quieter, with less people about?" her eyes held guilt as she looked at him, "That sounds like fun, but are you sure? I mean you've been skittish about venturing into the city since Sirius Black escaped…and there's all the Auror's, wouldn't they be suspicious if two werewolves turned up in an area when everyone is on high alert and especially so close to the full moon?" those were all valid points. Remus tucked his hands into his pants pockets and sat at the end of her bed,
"I think it's worth the risk, plus it could be a good excuse to get you more accustomed to large crowds of people seeing as we return to Hogwarts next week." The first day of her final year began September first and whilst she was mostly excited, there was a side to her that told her it wasn't safe, that it had never been safe for her to be among kids she could harm, that because of what she was it was why she was locked up in a room of her own and more or less isolated.
"What's on your mind?" in truth? Her mind was spinning like an old film reel, small bits and pieces of memories played back before she shook them away like cobwebs. "Nothing I'm ready to talk about yet. If you think that what's best is getting me around people then…I'll do it."
"I'm proud of you." his hand rubbed small circles on her back, "would you be alright if we went to Gringotts before we left? I'm grateful that I don't have to wander about in my Uniform along the many streets of London, but it might seem a bit odd to wander about school in my professor's old clothing don't you think?" the thought she'd been a bit brash made her wince, "Not that…I'm not grateful for them, they're quite comfortable, really."
He laughed, moving his hand up to rest at her neck, "I'm not upset with you. I do suppose it would create a bit of a scene for you to wear clothing that hung off you in such a way, and I can't say the idea sit's well with me either." It was a selfish thought, but the idea of other people looking at her that way…it made his stomach churn.
He turned his head to look down at her as she laughed, "What's so funny?" she bit her lip in an effort to stop, "The fact that you're jealous." His eyebrow twitched upwards, "And why is that funny?"
"It's the absurdity of it all. The first person I've had contact with outside of that cell in two years and it turns out he's the scorned lover type." She continued laughing, "Not to mention taboo…somewhere in the universe what powers may be are looking down at us and laughing like it's one of Alighieri's divine comedies."
"I'm afraid I've never been one for theatrics, so it would seem you're more educated than I on the subject matter." She looked scandalized, "The great Remus Lupin doesn't know theatre? How have you been allowed to retain English citizenship; theatre is practically a requirement?" his eyes narrowed, she was teasing him again, "perhaps I'll rescind that offer to venture into the city?"
"I mean, you're stuck with me either way. I'm perfectly content being stuck in this room, at least I'll have conversation with an intellectual." Oh, how she was testing his restraint, he'd acted on pure impulse after their fight last Tuesday…perhaps she knew he was wearing thin with the second moon approaching and if that were the case, he'd play along.
"And what if you stayed here and I left?"
"Peace and quiet is nice too…though the train may interfere a bit." If this were a game of chess it would be a stalemate game.
"You are vexing." She shrugged and stood from the bed. The spot where his hand was resting caught the back of her neck, fingers lightly tugging the short hair at the nape of her neck and pulling her back down onto the bed. "don't move." He watched her with keen eyes, her body was rigid but she kept her gaze fixed froward on the wall as his hand lifted from her neck to rest on her shoulder.
"Lie down." She turned her head suddenly, eyes wide and he took the opportunity to catch her face with his other hand. "What?" his hand gently pushed her backwards onto the mattress, watching her for any sign of distress before he shifted his position, pinning her in place.
"Wh…what are you—?" he watched her chest rise and fall as his fingers traced along her jawline, down her neck and along her collar bone, stopping at the neckline of her shirt. His eyes drifted back up to see her cheeks that familiar shade of pink he'd grown to adore. "Look at me, Seren." he kept his voice kind as her eyes slowly drifted back up to his face. Leaning down, he captured her lips with aggressive fervor feeling her hands press softly against his chest making him wonder if he'd moved too quickly, then he felt a small tug as her fingers curled into the fabric of his vest returning the gesture.
He'd heard a small whimper from her as his hand moved from the collar of her shirt to the hem, sliding the fabric up and relishing in the feel of her skin beneath his fingers as his hand cupped her breast. Her grip loosened, palm pushing against his chest.
"S-Stop!" He pulled away from her, lifting his hand as she tugged her shirt back down and scrambled out from under him with terror in her eyes. "Wh-what were you…I don't…I trusted you…" her chest heaved as she stood by the door.
"Seren?" the panicked and fearful expression on her face made a stone settle in his stomach
"You took advantage of me!" he flinched as she rose her voice, "You're just like them!" he tried to follow her logic, but something wasn't adding up
"What are you talking about?" He knew extraordinarily little about what had transpired in her two years of captivity besides what the Daily prophet had written, she'd been tight lipped about all of it even if he'd been sure she'd tell him when she was comfortable.
"You…they…" her breathing was erratic as he stood, "Calm down." Everything in her mind was hazy and it suddenly felt as if she were being held beneath freezing cold water, her chest hurt and her legs were shaking.
"Is everything alright in there?" there had been a soft knock from the other side of the door, "I heard shouting." Remus' eyes flicked to the door, "Everything's quite alright, things just got a bit out of hand." He called back. Seren's eyes darted about the room in a panic as her heart thudded erratically against her chest, "I can't…" her eyes seemed to dilate as the room became fuzzy, "I d-don't f-feel…" her skin was crawling as memories flashed back, Remus drew his wand, giving it a quick flick to open the windows, he knew fresh air helped with panic attacks but when he looked back to her she was on the floor, head between her knees and hands clasped over the back of her head.
He quickly tucked his wand away and knelt in front of her, "Can you hear me?" no response, "Seren, nod if you can hear my voice." He'd seen similar displays in those he'd fought alongside in the first war, "Nod, twitch your fingers, do something…tell me how I can help you." he reached out to put a hand on her shoulder when she snapped up, slapping it away.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" it wasn't green staring back at him, no, there was no hint of the soft jade eyes he'd come to love, staring back at him were wolves eyes, deep and molten-gold in color.
His hand fell back to his side, the full moon was still several days away so by all logic this shouldn't be possible. "I'm trying to help you." there was no malice or condescension in his voice, only concern. "But I can't do that if you don't let me in." she dipped her head back down to rest between her knees, "What did they do to you?"
this was the one thing she had refused to tell anyone. He knew she had been tortured and several death eaters had been taken into custody for questioning. The use of the Cruciatus was one of the cruelest spells a witch or wizard could use on another person, and it had been the spell that had lost another young wizard his parents.
"I…I can't…" her eyes had quickly faded back to green and his expression softened, "Please, don't make me." her watched her fingers pull at her hair
"Can you tell me anything?" carefully his own hands moved to her's, pulling them away from her hair, "That won't help…Seren, I understand if you don't feel safe talking about it now but you need to know I'm here to listen when you are ready." He'd shifted so he was sitting beside her,
"I also understand that this is difficult, going through all of this so young." There was a soft weight against his shoulder, glancing down it appeared she was finally coming out of her episode. "Perhaps I overstepped a bit as well, I got overzealous." His hand slowly found it's way into her hair, running his fingers through it softly to help calm her down.
"I'm scared…" he didn't say anything incase there was more, "they…they took…"
"I know. It's okay to be angry." Things were clicking into place now, her insistence moments ago when she'd said he and her captors were the same, that he'd been using her and the thought made him sick. He knew Voldemort's followers were cruel and merciless, he knew they'd do whatever they had to to get information.
"Just keep working on breathing, it's alright."
"I'm sorry." He shook his head, looking down at her, "Nothing to be sorry for, I overstepped your boundaries without thinking. If anything, I should be apologizing to you, you've done nothing wrong."
When her breathing began to even out he dropped his hand from her hair down to her back, rubbing in soft circles, "Do you still want to go into the city?" she shook her head, "That's perfectly fine, if you'd like we could go out tomorrow or Sunday instead?" she gave another small nod, finally uncurling her body.
"I'm tired." A smile tugged at his lips, "Why not get some rest? I'll go down so you have some time to yourself." He made to stand up but her hand caught his jacket.
"No…stay." looking down at her he was once again melt with molten pools of gold.
