Whether or not they are directly linked, or the characters know each other, I think of my stories as all having happened within the same little world! In my stories. I frequently mention things that have happened in others I have written, but most of them should be able to be read stand alone without issues.
Thank you for reading, I hope everyone enjoys it!
Feel free to leave a comment :)
Chapter 1
Diluc stared out the window, trembling hands braced on either side of the window frame, and tried to distract himself by watching Dawn fly over the people working in the vineyard below. He needed to quell the anxiety brewing in the pit of his stomach. Adelinde had just been in to talk to him, trying to get him to come out of his room and he refused, using everything he had to keep his voice even.
It had been three days since he was released from the nurses' care at the cathedral infirmary, and Kaeya had helped him home. It had been a slow trek and while it had made him a little nervous about being in the open, once he was home, a fear grew within him. He couldn't even place it. Diluc had seen so many horrible things and kept moving forward, but now he was afraid to leave his room.
Kaeya had been staying in his old room since, and his brother was the only person who had been successful in getting him to do anything. Today, Kaeya had gone into the city for a while and Diluc wanted to stay right where he was. He did make sure to keep his ears out of Adelinde's reach, just in case she decided it was time to drag him out by them.
Diluc was more used to panic attacks than people knew. He usually dealt with them by distracting himself, working at the bar or clearing out monster camps, and right now all he wanted to do was to get back out and start protecting Mondstadt again. So why was it so difficult to even step out of his bedroom door? This wasn't keeping him from at least roaming the house or the vineyard. If anything, it would be good for him to get a small amount of exercise, and it would help the healing along.
This time was different from other times he had been injured, or even after the two previous incidents when he had been used by Dottore, but he didn't know why it was having such a different effect on him. Anxiety pulled at his limbs, lungs and mind, as if he were going to fall into a dark chasm if he were to leave the safety of his room. He knew he hadn't healed enough yet, but that didn't usually stop him from racing to get back out and fight as soon as possible, usually far too soon to be safe.
Everything that Dottore had done to him this time, cutting, putting foreign objects into his body, injecting him with drugs, electrocuting him, was a lot to deal with. Unfortunately, when he'd been rescued it was also a big job to undo it all, and it was proving to be a long recovery. Well, longer than he would like. He was still too weak to lift his sword without injuring himself and pulling stitches. He had already dealt with both Barbara and Jean's wrath from tearing out some stitches. If people were going to insist he leave his house, he would prefer to be able to hold his sword, knowing Dottore was still out there.
Jean hadn't let him know until he was getting ready to leave the cathedral. She had been hoping that they would catch him, but had been unsuccessful. Diluc hadn't expected the doctor to be caught, and had already prepared himself for that. Still, he could see the worry in Jean's face, and worse, he could see how disappointed in herself she was.
He didn't blame her a single bit, and he never would. He couldn't even blame the Knights for not being able to catch Dottore. He knew this was his own fault. Also, the man was sneaky and could pull off a disappearing act better than any magician Diluc had ever seen.
Furthermore, it disturbed Diluc how easily he had been captured by the doctor the last two times, and he wasn't sure how to avoid it. The first time, he had been caught by Fatui forces, proud of themselves for having finally taken down the redhead who was raging through their forces, taking down entire camps single-handedly. Diluc was surprised he'd been captured instead of killed on sight. Death is what he had expected. It had been what he wanted.
Instead, the second Harbinger had taken interest in him, and Diluc, having not only refused to join the Fatui, but swore to tear them apart with his last breath, had been given to the eager and insane doctor. He was left with the man to be experimented on, to play with like a toy, and that Dottore certainly did.
Those memories still tore at Diluc's mind, haunted him. As terrible as what he was recovering from was, that first time was the worst. When he and Kaeya returned home a few days ago, Diluc had told his brother some of the things he'd done and how he'd been captured, even about several of the things Dottore had done to him, but he hadn't told him everything. There were some things he didn't feel like he could tell anyone. He felt nauseous just thinking about it.
Diluc turned away from the window, and closed his eyes, trying to push back the bile that was trying to make its way up his throat. Keeping his eyes closed, he reached for the bedpost he knew was nearby. Being distracted, Diluc had missed not only the knock on the door, but also the person entering and speaking to him.
Something was shoved under his chin just as he gagged, losing the small amount of food he'd managed to eat that morning as someone pulled back his hair and rubbed circles across his back.
After a few minutes, the bucket was pulled away, and he found the edge of the mattress to sink onto and tried to catch his breath, eyes still closed. A moment later, a damp rag was swiped across his forehead and Diluc slowly opened his eyes to find a concerned Kaeya.
Diluc cleared his throat and stopped Kaeya's hand, "I've got it, thank you." He wiped at his mouth with the cloth.
Kaeya stayed crouched in front of Diluc and moved his hand to Diluc's forehead, "What happened?"
"Breakfast -just didn't sit well." He lied as he pushed Kaeya's hand away, but the bluenette was obviously unconvinced and Diluc needed a change of subject, "I didn't think you would be back until later. You don't have to rush back here to look after me. I can take care of myself."
That came out more harsh than he had meant. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate his brother being around, and it wasn't as if Kaeya was constantly underfoot, but he was sure his brother had better things to do than watch over Diluc. As far as he knew, Kaeya hadn't even been going to work.
Kaeya stared up at him for a minute before he sighed and sat on the bed next to Diluc, gazing at the open window. It was several minutes more before he finally said something.
"Do you remember when I first came here? I was so sick that I could hardly move on my own, and I had those terrible nightmares that would make me throw up. Father would have helped me, or Adelinde, but you took it upon yourself to take care of me. You called it "big brother duty". I hadn't even spoken to you a single time, and you had already told everyone about your new little brother." He looked over at Diluc, "Do you remember that, Diluc?"
Diluc swallowed hard and stared at his hands. Of course he remembered. From the moment their father had walked through the front door carrying a small, soaking wet, far too thin, pale boy with blue hair, Diluc had started telling everyone about his little brother. So much had happened since then, though, and Diluc had been so cruel in the end. He was trying to make up for it, but he didn't deserve a little brother. He had failed.
"I remember it." Kaeya continued when Diluc didn't respond, "I had a family, once, before I came here, but I never knew what a family actually was." Diluc listened as Kaeya's voice changed, full of emotion that was usually kept in-check, "For all I knew, a family was someone who left you sitting in the dark, starving while they enjoyed their meal together-"
Diluc's head snapped up to look at his brother as the bluenette cut himself off and looked away. Never, ever had Kaeya discussed his previous family and what had happened with them. Diluc had always thought Kaeya had been so thin from being a child without food in the wilderness, it was a shock to think he had been starved on purpose as a child.
"My point is," Kaeya had regained his composure, "It was you who showed me what family means. Taking care of each other when we are down, sick, injured, lost -it doesn't matter. What's important is being there when your family needs you."
Again, it was something Diluc had severely failed at, "Kaeya, I wasn't a good family for you…"
"You are wrong. Even at our very worst, it has always been far better than I ever had before."
"I almost killed you!"
"And we've been over this. I wish you would stop blaming yourself. I pushed you while you were out of your mind with grief and by doing this, as family, I failed you too." Kaeya narrowed his eye at Diluc, "At what point did you even realize what you were doing?"
It wasn't until the flash of Kaeya's Vision showing up that Diluc became aware of his actions. He came to, standing over his injured brother, claymore in hand and flashes of everything that had happened only moments before hit him like a brick wall.
"We need to put this behind us. Why not just agree that we both learned from it and carry on with our lives?" Kaeya asked, holding a hand out for Diluc to take, "How about it, Luc? Always brothers, right?"
The day Kaeya had officially become part of the family, their father had told them that from then on, they were always brothers.
Diluc took Kaeya's outstretched hand and nodded, "Always brothers."
Kaeya stood and turned to Diluc, who caught a look of hesitation, before the bluenette went to stand by the door with a small smile.
"How about some fresh air?" He asked.
Immediately, anxiety began to crawl its way up Diluc's spine. He looked from Kaeya to the window. His brother had been able to get him to eat, to calm down and go back to sleep after nightmares, and leave the room a few times. Kaeya had even been able to get him to talk, but refusing to go outside was something that Diluc had remained steadfast with.
"I'm tired." He said quietly, his mind going ablaze with worries, faster than he could even try to put a stop to it.
What if Dottore is out there, waiting? What if he captures me again? What if he hurts someone? What if Kaeya is with me, and he hurts him?!
Chapter 2
Kaeya made it into Mondstadt early, intending to find Jean and ask for some additional time off, assuming everything was going ok. Diluc was slowly recovering physically, but Kaeya had become somewhat concerned about his mental state. When they first got home, Diluc had a lot on his mind and had spoken to Kaeya about some of what was bothering him, a miracle. However, after they were inside the house, he wouldn't come out. Within the first day, it became increasingly difficult to get the redhead to even come out of his room, by the next day, he wouldn't even do that. So, Kaeya needed more time to help sort through this, and Jean put him on indefinite leave.
The turning point for the worse was clear. On the first full day, Kaeya had gone to Diluc's room to see if he wanted to go for a walk. It took some convincing, but his brother had eventually agreed. Much like the last couple of days, Diluc hadn't changed out of his sleep clothes. The redhead took his time to get dressed, opened the door of his room, took one step out the door while looking like he was going to pass out, and immediately backtracked. In his haste, Diluc hadn't turned all the way back around before he tripped. Kaeya had been waiting just outside the door, and tried to catch Diluc, but it had happened too quickly.
Diluc's fall had resulted in the tearing of several stitches, many bloodied rags, a worried Adelinde and a visit from Barbara that left Diluc looking, again, like he was about to pass out. Kaeya was at a loss for words and had no idea what to do. That was when Diluc stopped coming out of his room.
When he returned from Mondstadt, it was still early. He passed a very upset and concerned looking Adelinde in the entryway, and she let Kaeya know that she had not been able to get Diluc to come out and that he looked very upset by the time she left the room.
He paused outside the door and knocked, receiving no answer, he quietly moved into the room, thinking Diluc had laid down. Instead, his brother was clinging to the bedpost and was definitely turning green, his eyes clamped shut, and taking in stuttering breaths.
Kaeya grabbed the trashcan by the door and stuck it in front of Diluc, with not a second to spare. Kaeya grabbed Diluc's still loose hair and bunched it up in one hand while rubbing his back with the other. When it seemed like Diluc was done, he took the bucket and grabbed a dampened rag for Diluc to wipe his face.
The redhead still didn't look like he was quite with it, so Kaeya cautiously started for him. It was only a moment before Diluc opened his watering eyes, he looked slightly shocked to see Kaeya, but he took the rag and gently pushed Kaeya away. He still looked pale, Kaeya put the back of his hand to Diluc's forehead. No fever, had a panic attack brought this on?
"What happened?" Red eyes wouldn't meet his own as Diluc answered.
Kaeya didn't buy Diluc's breakfast excuse, and he wished his brother wasn't afraid to just tell him. That's when Diluc got snippy with him, though he didn't think it was his goal, for once. He could see the guilt cross the redhead's face as soon as he'd said it.
Kaeya already knew what this was, he had seen too much of it since Diluc's return. From an outsider's perspective, what Diluc had said would likely seem as though he was telling Kaeya that he didn't want him there, and that he didn't want to be around him. Kaeya could see the truth behind the words.
Diluc didn't think he deserved help, and worse, he didn't feel like he deserved help from Kaeya. The truth was, the very first time the two of them had met made a lasting impression on Kaeya's entire life. Regardless of what had happened between them at one point, if it weren't for Diluc showing him kindness, acceptance, and love to begin with, Kaeya doubted he would have turned out to be who he was now.
Starting on that day, Kaeya had gained something he didn't understand at the time, family. From then on, he followed Diluc everywhere, they did the same things and had the same friends. If it weren't for Diluc, Kaeya figured he might not have even joined the Knights of Favonius, and now, he felt comfortable here.
For helping Diluc now, Kaeya could only think back to the very beginning, the first memory he had of meeting the kind, caring boy with hair like fire. And so, he tried to help Diluc understand why his loyalty to him wouldn't falter.
"I remember it." Diluc didn't respond, but Kaeya was determined to make sure Diluc knew, "I had a family, once, before I came here, but I never knew what a family actually was." Kaeya hadn't even realized the grief that had crept into his voice, "For all I knew, a family was someone who left you sitting in the dark, starving while they enjoyed their meal together-"
Kaeya's breath caught in his chest. He had never slipped like that before, and he could feel Diluc's eyes on him. Crepus was the only person he had ever told everything.
"My point is," Kaeya said, trying to get past that last bit without questions from his brother, "It was you who showed me what family means. Taking care of each other when we are down, sick, injured, lost -it doesn't matter. What's important is being there when your family needs you."
The look Diluc gave him was that of a broken man, "Kaeya, I wasn't a good family for you…"
No. No, that was not true. Did he even listen to a thing Kaeya had just said? Of course he did, he was just too stubborn to see it was true and Diluc was spiraling back into the depths of his own sorrow.
"Even at our very worst, it has always been far better than I ever had before." He tried, but his stubborn brother sunk further.
"I almost killed you!" Diluc exclaimed suddenly. They had been down this particular road too many times for Kaeya's liking now.
"And we've been over this. I wish you would stop blaming yourself. I pushed you while you were out of your mind with grief and by doing this, as family, I failed you too." If Diluc was allowed to take blame for what happened, shouldn't he be allowed to as well? He was the one who went there that night, and instead of comforting his brother, he ensured the destruction of their bond. Kaeya wasn't even sure what exactly he was thinking by doing this, but he was trying to punish himself. In his own grief he had felt that if he hadn't existed in Diluc and Crepus' lives, that their father wouldn't have died. Whatever had happened with himself, he was certain that Diluc wasn't mentally present for their fight. "At what point did you even realize what you were doing?"
The distant look that crossed Diluc's face told him that he was right. Diluc had no idea what he was even doing. Kaeya could still remember the redhead's look of pure terror after Kaeya's Vision had come into existence. Diluc dropped his sword and ran, not to be seen again for four years.
"We need to put this behind us. Why not just agree that we both learned from it and carry on with our lives?" Kaeya held out his hand, "How about it, Luc? Always brothers, right?" That's what their father had said, and Kaeya believed it.
Eventually, Diluc took his hand and agreed. "Always brothers," he said back quietly.
Hoping they could put that behind them for good, now came the part that Kaeya had been dreading, asking his brother to leave the room and the panic attack that would likely ensue. Kaeya stood from his spot and looked over at Diluc for a moment, he was still pale, and looked both physically and mentally exhausted, but he needed to get moving. Kaeya moved to the door and tried to put a convincing smile on his face. "How about some fresh air?"
The change in Diluc's breathing was instant, and he clung back onto the bed post, looking between Kaeya and the outside. Kaeya barely caught the quiet words Diluc stuttered.
"We could just take a quick stroll inside then, see how Adelinde is doing, have some lunch, maybe?" Diluc looked like he was about to pass out, he still felt the guilt rising in himself.
Kaeya understood, better than most, that sometimes you needed to just wait out what you were feeling, work through it slowly, and pull yourself out of whatever hole your mind decided to sink itself into. The problem here was that Diluc was moving backwards. He wasn't just stuck in a hard spot, he was sinking further and further backwards from where he had started, and that was dangerous.
When Diluc came back from running away, while it seemed like he was doing better, it quickly became clear that he was still constantly fighting with guilt, anger, grief, and regret. Now, Diluc had reached a tipping point, balanced on a narrow ledge and listing from side to side, trying his best to keep his balance.
Kaeya was trying not to push him, but he couldn't help him unless he knew exactly what was eating at Diluc. So, he'd keep working at it slowly, like a delicate dance, skirting around the minor issues that were hiding the truth.
He sat next to Diluc again, "Maybe later." He said quietly, "Just rest for a while, ok? I'll be back for lunch."
Kaeya started to get up, but was stopped by a shaking hand across his wrist. He looked from the hand up to Diluc's face, and Kaeya was taken aback by what he saw. Diluc looked like an entirely different person, right now. Eyes wide and full of fear, he looked almost child-like.
"Diluc-"
"Please don't go." His brother whispered, he sounded terrified.
Kaeya nodded, "Sure," He said as he helped Diluc lay down, "I was up early, I'll just take a nap here…"
Kaeya moved to the other side of the bed and sat against the headboard, watching his brother shake and clasp the blanket like it was a lifeline. He set his hand across Diluc's shoulder, Kaeya was scared at this point. This was so unlike Diluc, and even suggesting they take a walk around the inside of the house was triggering panic attacks now. Something wasn't right, he could feel it. This was more than just Diluc being anxious, it had to be.
He waited until he was sure Diluc was asleep enough to slip away for a moment and ask Adelinde to send a couple of messages. He needed help.
Chapter 3
Diluc tried to escape. He tried so hard, pushing against the straps binding him. They tore at his skin and he ignored it. Freedom was more important than the pain. Dottore would be back any moment and Diluc needed to be gone by then. He was already so weak, he could hear the footsteps coming closer and he struggled.
"-luc."
He struggled harder as invisible hands were grabbing him.
"-iluc!"
He put everything into his struggle, trying to push the invisible person away from him.
"DILUC!"
He registered Kaeya's voice just as his fist connected with something solid. The hands only let go of him for a second before they were back, but they were gentle.
"Diluc, open your eyes, it's Kaeya!"
He hadn't realized his eyes were closed. He lifted his aching head and squinted into the room, lit by the bright sun shining right through the large windows. It wasn't until Kaeya moved that he and the other three people in the room came into focus.
He looked up at his brother, who was leaning over him, "Kaeya- your nose is bleeding?" Diluc asked, weakly scrambling to get up and help him. As he tried to sit up, the world swirled around him and Kaeya's hand gently pushed him back down.
"It's nothing, we just need you to hold still for a minute," Kaeya said breathlessly. "You hit your arm on your end stand. It's bleeding."
Diluc looked to his other side, and pulled his arm away from where Barbara was bandaging it. Jean was standing behind her, handing her supplies. Too much touching. He didn't want to be touched. Adelinde was by the door, looking far too worried.
His groggy mind was trying to catch up, "Did I hurt you?" He asked as he turned his attention back to Kaeya.
Kaeya shook his head immediately, "You didn't hurt me, don't worry."
Diluc didn't believe him and the queasiness he had been trying to ignore was making itself well-known. He closed his eyes and concentrated on shutting it down, before anyone around him wore the consequences. He realized that what he had swung at and hit before he was fully awake was probably Kaeya. "Did I hurt anyone else?" He asked through clenched teeth.
"Everyone is fine," Jean answered. "Kaeya is right, you don't need to worry."
Too late for that. Diluc looked over each of them himself. While the others seemed unharmed, it didn't help to know that he had hurt his brother and he found himself trying to catch his breath.
Barbara tried to go back to bandaging and check to make sure everything else was ok, but Diluc squirmed away from her.
"Don't touch me." He breathed out and she pulled her hands away.
"Diluc, tell us what you want." Kaeya said, trying to pull back as Diluc had asked, but Diluc wouldn't let go of his brother's arm.
He didn't know what he wanted, what to say or do. He wanted to be left alone, but at the same time, he didn't want to be. He wanted his father, he wanted the nightmares to be over, he wanted to stop being this person, he wanted to stop hurting his brother. Diluc squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight back tears and breathe, he couldn't breathe.
He was losing control over his emotions, he could barely hear Kaeya speaking to the others and the door closing over the sound of the blood rushing through his ears. Diluc's hand was clenched tightly around Kaeya's, afraid his brother would leave too.
Kaeya's arms wrapped around him, and pulled him close, comforting him, trying to help him feel safe. He didn't feel safe, he hadn't in so many years. Coming home was supposed to help, he was supposed to be away from all of that now, away from Dottore. He was supposed to be able to stay close-by and protect his city and family, having to deal with nothing more than minor Fatui camps.
It wasn't a question of why everything had gone downhill. Just as he had told Kaeya more than once now, he deserved this, and he was trying to take everything that was thrown at him, trying to push through his punishment. He'd reached his limit.
Now it was bleeding over into Kaeya's life.
"It's ok. You're safe, Diluc. Everyone is safe."
"Not ok."
"It's going to be ok."
"It's not…" Diluc gasped.
"Try to breathe, Diluc. It will be ok. Sometimes all you can do is take it one day at a time. That's what we'll do." Kaeya said, "Try breathing with me."
Diluc tried to listen to his brother's breathing. Could he do that? Take it one day at a time? How are you supposed to do that when you can't even seem to catch your breath? When it feels like your life is smothering you? When you haven't felt at peace for so long? He's been doing this for years now, and it was never easy, but why was it so much harder now?
Eventually, his breathing slowed, and his head cleared a little. He realized they must have been sitting there for quite some time, and he knew he was being selfish, but he was too tired to care at this moment. Diluc was slowly relaxing into sleep.
"Diluc, Barbara was here to see how you're healing, could she come in and do that before you fall asleep?" Kaeya asked quietly.
No, I don't want people near me. That was unreasonable, Barbara would never hurt him, he knew that.
"Yes." Diluc whispered in agreement, trying to wipe his face off.
"Ok, I'll be right back."
Kaeya climbed off the bed and Diluc tiredly looked at the window. He guessed it was just after noon, he had slept away the morning, and he was still so tired. He jumped when the door opened a few minutes later.
Kaeya entered, face now cleaned of blood, closely followed by Barbara. The bluenette nodded at him before he sat on the edge of the bed by Diluc's feet, while Barbara sat closer to his chest.
"I'm sorry if I was too hasty with you before!" She said, keeping her hands in her lap, "If you are ok with it, I'd like to check how your incisions are healing?"
Diluc nodded, and stared at the door, "Did Jean leave?" Had he scared her off?
"She's chatting with Adelinde for a minute, but she still wanted to see you after your checkup." Kaeya said.
Diluc nodded again.
"If you need me to stop at any time, just tell me and I'll stop right away. Ok?" Upon his agreement, she reached towards his bleeding arm. "I'm going to start by bandaging this. It's a fair-sized gash, but it's not so deep that it needs stitches."
She gently took his arm, "Out straight for me, please. The disinfectant is going to sting a little. Captain Kaeya, would you mind holding this cloth under here?" Kaeya scooted forward and took the cloth, "Yes, just like that. Thank you!"
It's just Barbara, she knows what she's doing, she won't hurt you. Diluc repeated this to himself, and aside from keeping his eyes glued to every move she made and his heart trying to beat itself out of his chest, he was doing ok.
"Master Diluc, can you hear me?"
"Yes…"
"Could you remove your shirt for me? I need to see the incisions on your chest, please."
Diluc hadn't even changed out of his sleep clothes this morning. He pulled his shirt over his head, wincing as it pulled on the still healing wounds.
By this point, Diluc was shaking and couldn't keep his breathing even, having reached his limit. He had been asked if he was doing alright, he nodded and grabbed onto the blankets with his sweaty hands.
"Alright, I'll stop there, but I need to know if you've had any redness, swelling, or soreness with the wounds on your legs?" Barbara asked.
Diluc let out a breath of relief when she pulled her hands back, "No… they're fine."
"Ok. The rest of these look like they are healing well! I don't think they'll be bothering you for too much longer." Barbara said in her usual excited tone, "I don't think I'll need to check these again, unless something changes, then you need to let me know. The new wound should be fine. Just keep it clean and bandaged, and keep an eye on it." She paused for a moment, "Also, I know it will be hard for you, but I really think you could use some more rest, and try to eat and drink a bit more. You are a little malnourished and dehydrated. You still have a lot of healing to do still, and doing these things will help your body."
She was correct, Diluc didn't like the thought of that, but he wasn't sure he could stand right now if he wanted to. His entire body had an ache that just wouldn't go away, his head felt like it might explode at any time, and if he did manage to get on his feet, he'd probably fall over from dizziness.
"Thank you, Deaconess." Kaeya said as they both stood.
"Yes… thank you." Diluc said quietly.
"Of course! If you need anything, just send for me." Barbara said as she left.
"Would you like to see Jean?" Kaeya asked.
Yes, yes he would, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't embarrassed by his current situation. Rationally, he knew Jean wouldn't judge him for it, but still, he hated the fact that he could start panicking from the smallest of things. He was much more calm than he had been, at least.
Seeing Jean is worth the risk, "Yes, please."
Kaeya smiled, "Have fun." He said, giving him what Diluc thought was meant to be a wink as he left.
Diluc's brows knitted together in confusion before he realized his shirt was still missing. He was still shaky, and his arms felt a little like lead, but he managed to get it back on just as there was a soft knock on the door.
He cleared his throat, "Come in."
Jean smiled as she entered, and sat on the edge of the bed where Barbara had been. For some reason, when she would get this close to him, it always surprised him. Doing things like holding his hand, singing to him, or sitting so close were more bold than she would usually act on, but it was always when they were alone, or only with the few people they were closest with. However, this wasn't something he was going to complain about.
The warm smile she gave him made his heart race in an entirely different way than before. She started to move her hand towards his, but stopped short. He reached out and took her hand before she pulled back.
He was ok, he was calm, he could do this. It was Jean, and Diluc could handle that.
"Uh, I'm sorry, for earlier…" He began, he never knew what to say to Jean unless they were talking about something urgent. He knew what he wanted to say, but he wasn't ready for that yet.
"It's ok, Diluc. The anxiety and dreams you are having are understandable after everything you have gone through. And please, don't blame yourself for what is happening." She said, rubbing gentle circles over the back of her hand with her thumb.
Blaming himself was exactly what he was doing, Jean knew him well enough to know that. Really, Diluc wasn't sure what else he was supposed to do with all the emotions that refused to stay cooped up any longer. It was like a dam had broken loose and Diluc couldn't stipend its flow.
The Fatui had taken so much from him, Diluc was sure he hadn't been sane in years. He had been afraid to come back and face what little he had left, but he was happy that he did. Of course, Dottore hadn't been done with him. Diluc should have known this ghost would have come looking for him, the man was insane.
"You do not have to deal with your pain alone. Let your friends and family help you. Let me help you."
Diluc didn't know what to say to that, "I… None of you deserve to be burdened by my problems. I'm already causing enough issues as it is."
"How so?" Jean asked, a crease between her eyebrows, "Being injured is not a bother, or an issue for those who care about you. We want to take care of you, and all you need to do is let us."
Diluc looked away, Kaeya had basically said the same thing.
"What would you do if this happened to Kaeya… or me?"
Anger flashed across Diluc's eyes, "Anything I could, but it's different for you."
"How?" Jean asked.
"Because it is…"
Jean made a face, "I need a better answer than that, Diluc. How is it different?"
"Because neither of you deserve it!" Diluc cried, with images of his father laying dead in his arms flashing through his vision.
Jean moved forward and put her hands on his cheeks, "But you don't, Diluc. Everything, absolutely everything has been out of your control. Circumstances brought onto you by others is not the same as you doing it yourself."
"I- I can't… I… my father!" He held his hands out in front of himself, he could see the blood on them.
Jean moved closer and pulled him into a hug. He didn't flinch or move away, he let her into his space, and buried his nose in her hair. She smelled like dandelions and the fresh breeze, it was pulling him back from the invading thoughts, grounding him.
He held onto it for as long as he could.
Chapter 4
It hadn't been a surprise to wake up to Diluc crying, flailing and gasping for air. It must have been quite a nightmare. What Kaeya hadn't been expecting was a fist to the side of the face, but he figured it was bound to happen if you got too close to a traumatized person having a nightmare.
What upset Kaeya is that between the dream, being unexpectedly touched, and figuring out he'd hit Kaeya, Diluc had suffered another breakdown. It was beyond difficult to watch, and all he could do was talk his brother through it. Try as he may, Kaeya couldn't pin down any one thing that set Diluc off, he guessed that it was everything catching up to the redhead.
He knew that Diluc kept a lot in, everything from his first round with Dottore and going through Fatui camps with the very delusion that killed their father, to having to be the one to kill their father himself. It made Kaeya physically ill to think about, he couldn't even begin to imagine what Diluc went through on a daily basis.
Kaeya did his best to calm Diluc, he would do anything he could, but it didn't feel like he was doing nearly enough. His brother had also been having problems with being touched by anyone other than Kaeya. He seemed ok with being near Adelinde, but she tried not to come too close for fear of making matters worse.
Kaeya was surprised when Barbara's check-up went as well as it did. Diluc was gripping the sheets so tightly that Kaeya wouldn't be surprised to find holes in them, and he looked like he was about to vomit again. Kaeya kept the trash can near-by just in case, but was thankful when it wasn't needed.
When she had Diluc remove his shirt, Kaeya's breath caught in his throat. There were so many scars, across his arms, chest and back, older and newer, and Kaeya wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to that. When Diluc had run away, he had very few scars.
He followed Barbara out of the room, and sunk into the nearest chair, across from where Jean was sitting, just a few feet from Diluc's door. She looked more frazzled than normal, but then he supposed they all probably did. He propped his elbows up on the small table and put his hands over his face, taking calming breaths.
"What do you think?" He asked without moving his hands.
Jean relinquished her seat to Barbara, "Well, I'm no expert in these types of illnesses, but I'd say he's overwhelmed, and suffering from stress, from the trauma, just as you thought." The Deaconess as she settled on the seat, "Any drugs Dottore used on him should have worn off by now, but that doesn't mean there couldn't be lingering side effects. Mind-altering medications can do things to your brain chemistry, not to mention the stimulants that were used on him. Some have been known to heavily affect people who suffer from anxiety or depression. I don't think I need to tell you, but Master Diluc falls into that category."
Barbara bit her lip, "I think the best thing you could do is watch him closely and just be there for him. He responds to you the best, and I wouldn't be surprised if he were ok with interaction from Jean." She said as she looked at her sister.
"Me? I'm not sure if he would want me to-"
"He would." Barbara and Kaeya answered together.
Kaeya looked up at her, "He cares about you, I'm sure you've noticed that by now. You can just try, I'd bet that it'll be ok. He's waiting for you, if you want to see him."
Jean was blushing, but she nodded and went to visit with Diluc.
He couldn't be certain things would go well, but he would be surprised if his brother had a problem with Jean's touch. Kaeya knew of more than one recent occasion that they had held hands, and it wasn't even necessarily because of Diluc being injured. The two of them constantly snuck glances at each other any time they thought no one was looking. Jean had even come down to the tavern a few times. She wasn't much of a drinker, unless it was drinking in the sight of a certain redheaded bartender, Kaeya supposed.
It was entertaining to watch the two of them. Both Diluc and Jean were normally quite graceful, but if you put them together in public, it was just awkward. Neither of them would make an actual move on each other and neither would express their feelings for the other.
From Diluc's room, Kaeya could hear his brother's voice rise, sounding distressed. Kaeya was on his feet in an instant, then used all of his willpower to sit right back down. If Jean or Diluc needed his help, they would call for him, and he was trying to give them some time.
He realized he wasn't speaking to Barbara much, not meaning to be rude, he was too focused on making sure Diluc wasn't having a problem, but not trying to listen in on them. Barbara seemed to understand, she sat quietly across from him.
Adelinde brought some tea and asked the Deaconess if there was anything more she could do to help Diluc. While Adelinde kept a cool exterior, Kaeya knew her better than that, she was worried.
Kaeya sat back and let his head lay against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. He was tired. Even if he didn't accidentally fall asleep in Diluc's room, he still woke up any time Diluc had a nightmare.
He had been watching for signs that Diluc might be ready to come out of his room, but the redhead didn't seem to have plans to leave any time soon. He was still healing, it hadn't even been two weeks, but it was completely unlike Diluc to not only stay cooped up, but to choose to do so. Fresh air would do him a lot of good, small walks.
Kaeya was starting to worry about Diluc eating, too. His brother had been eating next to nothing, and now he wasn't even keeping that down. While Diluc's physical wounds were healing, but not mentally.
He wasn't sure how far backwards he needed to let Diluc slide, before he started trying something different to help the redhead move forward. He didn't want to push him, and he wouldn't, but he felt like he needed to be ready.
Kaeya hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep, until Barbara and Jean quietly speaking with each other roused him.
" — think he's exhausted. It doesn't look very comfortable, but we should let him sleep." He heard Barbara whisper.
"Yes, that seems best. Diluc is asleep, too. I wish I could help him more." Jean whispered back, "Come on, we can let Adelinde know they are both asleep and head home."
"I'm up." Kaeya mumbled, sitting up slowly.
"Oh no, I'm so sorry. We were trying not to wake you!" said Barbara as she brought a hand up to her mouth.
"It's ok. I'm a light sleeper and the chair and wall doesn't make a great bed anyway." He stood and stretched, "Thank you for coming out, I'm sorry it was basically for nothing…"
"No, no, don't worry! It is better to be safe than sorry, and I wanted to check up on him anyway, and you aren't wrong. I believe this is more than just normal trauma and stress. He's been through so much, it's going to take time for him to work through." Barbara gave Kaeya a small smile, "I know this is hard, but you are doing everything you can to help him, and you are doing a good job, Captain. Just be patient, and I think he'll come around."
Kaeya looked at Jean. With all the responsibilities she had, he was used to seeing her tired and run ragged sometimes, but he wasn't quite as used to the look of something between sadness and pain that had been painted across her face in the last couple of weeks. It started when Diluc was missing, the state they found him in made it worse, then she had to read those journals to make reports. If that hadn't pushed her too far, she was dealing with not just an ill friend, but someone she cared very, very deeply for.
He wanted to ask her about the raised voices, but he couldn't bring himself to. He could guess what it was about anyway. Instead, Kaeya nodded, thanked them both and watched them leave. He didn't feel like he was doing a good job. In fact, a large part of him worried that he was making things worse, but his rational mind told him that Barbara was right. He was doing everything he could.
Adelinde brought Kaeya an ice pack for his cheek and ordered him to rest, so he quietly snuck into his brother's room. It had been a rough day for Diluc, and Kaeya didn't want him to wake up alone. He glanced over at the armchair on the other side of the room, the one he had used to sit next to Diluc's bed on previous occasions. His shoulders slumped slightly at the thought of moving the large seat, he was far too tired, so he laid against the headboard, where he had been before his brother's dream had Kaeya waking in a panic. If he got punched again, so be it. He closed his eyes and set the ice across his face, it felt good on the still darkening bruise. He was back to sleep almost instantly.
Chapter 5
Diluc woke with a start and sat straight up, eyes wide. As he looked around, his mind caught up with his body. He was at home, safe in his own dark room, he remembered. Looking at the clock, he felt another pang of guilt. He had slept away most of the day at this point, it was close to dinner time. The word worthless popped into his head, he should be doing things, running the winery and tavern, and going out to make sure Mondstadt was safe.
It was his stomach that dragged him out of his thoughts, growling loud enough to make Kaeya shift next to him. He hadn't even realized his brother was there, but Diluc was glad he hadn't woken the bluenette. Kaeya looked as tired as Jean had, another thing for Diluc to feel bad for. Sitting on the table next to the bed were two bowls of soup, long since gone cold. Had Kaeya not eaten?
He sighed and carefully shifted his legs over the side of the bed, his body was demanding nutrition. He reached out a shaky hand and braced it on his end stand, it pulled at the fresh gash on his arm. He pushed up, wincing as he tried to stand. Why was he so weak? That should be obvious, he thought. Other than the two bites of breakfast, which came back up not twenty minutes later, he hadn't eaten or drank anything the entire day. On top of that, the panic attacks took so much out of him, tensing his muscles, burning his lungs by simply trying to breathe, making his entire body feel like a bag of bricks.
After a moment of letting his legs get used to standing, he moved his hand along the wall to brace himself, making his way to the door. By the time he got there, he was able to push off the wall. He put his hand on the doorknob, and stopped. Diluc tried to ignore the tightening of his chest and the shaking that had nothing to do with his tired muscles. He couldn't do it.
He let go of the knob and backed up, staring at the door. How many times had he walked out that door before? He couldn't even figure out what was holding him back, only that he couldn't walk back through it.
"Luc?"
Kaeya's voice made Diluc jump, and the sudden motion pulled on every single cut, hard. He brought his hand to a wound that was making his side burn and bent over slightly, grimacing while trying to catch his breath.
"I'm sorry!" Kaeya exclaimed, taking Diluc's free arm and shoulder.
"I'm ok, just… startled." Diluc wheezed. He wasn't used to scaring so easily, and he couldn't say he cared for it.
"Are you sure you're ok?"
Diluc looked anywhere but at his brother, "I didn't want to bother you, I was just-" He was cut off by his stomach growling loudly.
Kaeya's eyes lit up just a little at the sound, "Oh, well, I haven't eaten either, maybe we can go ask Adelinde for a snack before dinner?"
Diluc swallowed and glanced back at the door, "I- I'm tired. Besides, there's already some soup…" He pointed to the end stand.
"Luc, that's been there since before Barbara and Jean came. I'm sure Adelinde has something-"
"No, I'm good." Diluc said as he moved out of Kaeya's grip and sat back down on the bed.
Kaeya's pause said a lot, his brother didn't know what to do next. Diluc didn't want him to do anything. He didn't want Kaeya to be exhausted, and starving himself just because Diluc couldn't get it together.
Kaeya smiled at him, "I'm going to see if I can get us something small, I'll be right back." he said, patting Diluc on the shoulder and grabbing the two uneaten bowls of food.
Diluc stared at the door as it shut, he felt relief wash over him and his muscles relax. Not because Kaeya was gone, but because the door was open again. When he was very young, a few years before Kaeya became his brother, Diluc had gone through a phase where everything made him nervous. It was shortly after he had learned how his mother died. At the time, he had only been told that it was an accident, he knew now that it happened when he was born, but when he was young he tended to get into things, and often had accidents.
His mother's death was a type of accident, he supposed, but by telling him that's what it was, it had frightened him, and his father had to work to get him out of the house. This reminded Diluc of that in some ways, but as a child, his logic made sense. If you leave your home, bad things happen and you die. He had learned that it didn't matter where you were, the same could happen. That lesson had come back to him so many times at this point.
Diluc put his face in his hands as grief washed over him once more. He wished he still had his father to tell him anything. Anything the man had to say, Diluc would listen, just so he could hear his voice. He wished he was still there to hug him, hold on to him and shelter him from the world when he was hurting and most desperate.
"Kaeya is officially part of our family now, Diluc. Now you have someone to learn with and grow with, you won't be alone. You'll always be brothers."
Diluc didn't have aunts and uncles, no cousins. It was always just him and his dad. Then Diluc had gone to school, and so many other kids had brothers and sisters. When he asked his father about these things, he looked sad and told Diluc that children come from mothers. That was when he asked his father, what he now realized must have been a terribly hard question. Why didn't he have a mother?
He heard the door open and moved to sit back against the headboard, making sure not to look at the door. Kaeya had been making sure not to leave it open for long when coming in and out, the bluenette figuring out it was an issue wouldn't surprise Diluc.
"I'm going to turn on the lights." Kaeya said, giving him only a moment's warning.
Diluc quickly closed his eyes at the assault, but an image of the bright white rooms Dottore liked to keep him in flashed in his mind. He opened his eyes immediately, it burned, bit he was able to take in the actual room around him, his room.
Kaeya had frozen in place, noticing Diluc's sudden actions, "I'm sorry… I should have given more warning…" He said as he set his tray of food and water on the bed stand and hovered next to Diluc's side.
"I'm fine. It was just bright."
He watched Kaeya's eye twitch before he turned to the tray.
"I have some cheese, crackers, and cookies." Kaeya smiled, "But don't tell Adelinde about the cookies. Dinner won't be all that long."
He didn't even bother with the cheese and crackers for Diluc and handed him two cookies and some water, drawing an almost non-existent smile out of him. Adelinde's cookies were the very best.
Diluc watched Kaeya eat. He was thankful for what his brother was doing, but Diluc knew he was missing out on a lot of his usual activities. One especially.
"How is Klee doing?" He asked.
Kaeya looked surprised, but he smiled fondly, "She's doing fine. She told Jean that she's being an 'extra good' girl so that I can take the time to help you feel better. Of course, that was while she was in solitary confinement." He laughed, "I'd like to take her on a picnic soon. I'm sure she'd love to get out and blow up some innocent and unsuspecting fish."
"Does she still call me weird grown-up?" Klee had called him this every time he'd met her so far. Diluc had quickly learned that's the only thing she would call him, even to other people. It didn't bother him.
"I've told her your name several times, but she seemed to like her version better." Kaeya shrugged.
"I don't mind it." He said simply.
Diluc didn't know all that much about Klee. He knew her mother was away a lot, and that she considered Albedo and Kaeya to be her big brothers. She was a little wild, maybe a little dangerous, but she seemed to have good intentions.
He nibbled on his cookie, not really eating any, thinking about the Harbingers now. Who were they before they became what they are? Before power corrupted him, did Dottore have a family? He must have at some point.
"What are you thinking about?" Kaeya asked, looking down at the squashed remains of the cookie Diluc had accidentally crushed while thinking.
Diluc set the cookie aside and brushed off the crumbs, "Do you think the Harbingers had parents? Obviously they must have, but it's so hard to picture. I wonder if any of them were ever kind, or did they start out the way they are. What made Dottore decide to do the things he does?"
Kaeya looked thoughtful for a moment, "I don't know what events led them to the paths they're on. I've wondered it before, right after… but one guess is as good as any. In the end, I don't think any of them would be able to truly defend their abhorrent choices. Many people come from terrible lives, but most try their best to stay on the path of goodness, I believe."
Diluc couldn't argue with that. In fact, he believed that Kaeya was one of those people. He was sent to do something bad, and he chose to never go through with it, as Diluc understood now. Instead, he made the choice to protect.
"I don't know much about the Harbingers. They're hard to get information on, but I do know that what Dottore does is completely inexcusable. Something needs to be done about him. He's been let to roam for far too long for someone so dangerous." Kaeya continued, "I believe that every single one of his victims would agree."
Diluc's eyes grew wide and he shook his head. It's not that he disagreed, but the thought of Kaeya being hurt by that lunatic made his breath catch in his chest. "Please promise me you'll never try to fight him alone."
Kaeya looked Diluc in the eyes, his brows knit together, and nodded, "I won't, Diluc. I know better. I promise."
He knew Kaeya could lie, it was something he could do quite easily, at times. Diluc knew the bluenette's tells, and he could see that his brother was telling the truth, but his body started to tremble as his hands clenched into the blanket and his breaths would only come out in short bursts. Dottore was too strong for one person. He had his experiments, some that he had used to strengthen himself, and some he used as weapons. He was unpredictable, it was impossible to tell what Dottore was going to pull out of nowhere to use on those he targeted. Most of all-
"He's disgusting. There is not a single limit as to what he'll do to someone, a-and you'll never get rid of the feel of his hands- doing whatever he wants with you. It'll never stop, Kaeya- I-It won't stop-" He couldn't breathe again, his teeth were chattering, he was fully shaking, and black spots danced across his vision.
Distantly, Diluc could hear Kaeya calling to him as he curled in on himself.
Chapter 6
Kaeya couldn't do anything but watch Diluc lose himself once again. Shaking, crying, and pulling at his clothes as if trying to get some invisible thing away from himself. Kaeya was afraid that trying to calm him with a touch would make matters worse, so he kept calling him, trying to talk to him to let him know he was safe.
"Diluc, I'm right here. It's Kaeya, Diluc. You are safe. You're not there anymore. You are safe at home." He couldn't tell if his brother could hear him.
It wasn't long before Kaeya had to lunge for the bucket. Both fortunately and unfortunately, Diluc didn't have anything in him to bring up and collapsed against Kaeya after a moment of heaving, clinging onto his shirt. This was horrifying, and Kaeya found himself shaking right along with his brother, his own stomach churning.
How long had Diluc been trying to hold it together? Had he ever told anyone at all? Kaeya doubted it. Now he understood there was a deeper meaning behind Diluc's obsession with trying to keep everyone safe, even at his own peril. Kaeya had been able to tell that there were things Diluc wasn't telling him, but he had hoped he was wrong, or at least that it wasn't as bad as he feared it could be.
He reached out and set his hand on Diluc's arm carefully, "Diluc, you are safe, at home in your room. I'm right here with you."
When he was certain his brother was ok with it, he slowly pulled Diluc into a hug. It was what seemed to work the best to calm the redhead, most of the time. This was the worst he'd seen him yet.
Adelinde came in with their dinner and paused at the sight. She set the tray down and took a seat at the very end of the bed, making sure to even steer clear of Diluc's feet, and waited patiently for if she was needed. This entire situation was taking its toll on her, too. She was obviously tired, and at as much of a loss as anyone else on how to help Diluc. Kaeya knew it was hard on her.
It was a while before Diluc started to calm, this time. Kaeya thought that he might have fallen asleep, until the redhead sat back up, swaying, and stared down at his hands blankly.
Kaeya could only see a small part of Diluc's face through the curtain of red, wavy hair surrounding it, but he looked pale, clammy, and was still shaking, only half aware. This was different to any other reaction that Diluc had before. Unsure of what was happening, Kaeya looked at Adelinde.
"We need to get him to eat something. His body has used up more fuel than it had." She said, as she quickly picked up a bowl of soup and started to sit on the edge of the bed. Before she sat all the way, she thought better of it and handed Kaeya the dish. "It's just some soup, it should be gentle enough for his stomach and has noodles, so it'll help bring his awareness back. He… hadn't been wanting grape juice, but it would greatly help him if we could get him to drink some." She turned and hurried off, "I'll be right back."
He held out the bowl for Diluc to take, but the redhead just blinked at it.
"Addy made us some soup, it's delicious. Here." He tried, holding the bowl right in front of Diluc's hands now. He still made no move to take it, he almost looked confused by it.
Kaeya took some broth, skipping the other contents for now, and brought it up to Diluc's mouth, "Eat it, Luc."
To Kaeya's absolute surprise, his brother only hesitated for a moment before he did as he was told. Diluc had only downed his second bite when Adelinde returned with a cup of juice and handed it to Kaeya.
He pushed the glass into Diluc's shaky hands, helping him hold it as he got the redhead to drink. It wasn't until Diluc was almost halfway through his soup before he started to become responsive again, his brows furrowing at the spoon being held up for him.
"Are you with us?" Kaeya asked. Diluc didn't answer, but tired red eyes fluttered up to look at him, "You should keep eating, Diluc. Here, some crackers." He put a cracker in Diluc's hand and watched as the redhead slowly ate it before offering him another spoonful of soup.
"Not hungry."
"But you really need to eat. Not doing so has made you sick. Just a bit more soup and a few crackers?"
Diluc stared at him blankly for a moment, "Sick?"
It still seemed like he was a bit confused, "Yes, your body needs more energy, you need to eat."
This time, Diluc took the offered cracker and ate it, then another. He took the soup, and although his hands were still a little shaky, he was able to feed himself this time. After a few bites, he stopped and looked at Kaeya, "Are you going to eat?"
He asked it the same as he always did. "Have you eaten? You should eat. Are you going to eat?" As if he hadn't just been acting something like a zombie. Kaeya could have laughed. Apparently Diluc then noticed Adelinde.
"Thank you for dinner, it's very good." He gave her a nod. Diluc sounded pretty much normal now, but Kaeya got the impression that he didn't remember what had just happened, and that might have been for the best, depending on how much he did remember.
She smiled back at him and stood, handing Kaeya his own bowl, "I'm glad you like it, would you like some more?"
Diluc shook his head no. The color had started to come back to his cheeks, but he looked even more tired than he had before.
If Adelinde noticed, and Kaeya was sure she had, she didn't say anything, but smiled, "If you need anything, I'll be in the kitchen."
Kaeya held out a few crackers for Diluc to take, watching his brother's eyes, and head started to droop.
Diluc gently pushed them away, "I can't, too much food. I think I'm… missing something. We were talking about… Then it's a blank. What happened?"
Part of Kaeya was really hoping that Diluc wouldn't remember that conversation, but he supposed it was better that he did, and that Diluc wasn't panicking about it all over again.
"I think… it was just a lot of stress, and your body was out of fuel."
He didn't know what else to say. It had been a stress filled day, and if that wasn't going on, Diluc had been sleeping, Kaeya at some points, too, he was so tired. He realized there hadn't even been a lot of chances to get food into either of them, but he still felt like he'd failed miserably.
"I didn't hurt anyone… again?"
Kaeya saw Diluc's eyes flicker over the bruise on his cheek, he hated how broken his brother looked and sounded.
"No! Diluc, you were quiet, I couldn't tell that you weren't asleep. You didn't hurt anyone." Diluc was quiet. "How about a deal? You get some rest."
Diluc waited for Kaeya to finish his sentence, he never did, and the redhead huffed, "How does that count as a deal? You have no counter?"
"My part of the deal is that you'll not be nearly as tired as you are now." Kaeya paused, "Alright, how about this. You get some rest, and you'll try to come downstairs with me for breakfast in the morning."
Kaeya waited as Diluc's breathing visibly picked up, worried about another panic attack. Instead, Diluc took a deep breath and nodded. Kaeya silently let out his own breath he was holding.
"Okay, I'll try."
It wasn't fair. Kaeya hated that the thought of going to his own dining room, or anywhere else in the house, caused his brother fear. It wasn't fair. He had no idea if this was the right thing to do, but Diluc couldn't stay pent-up in his room. That wasn't healthy, Kaeya had to try something.
Kaeya nodded, "Ok, goodnight Diluc."
It didn't take Diluc long to settle down and practically pass out from exhaustion. Kaeya was well on his way to that stage, too tired to move at this point, he let his head rest against the headboard and closed his eyes.
Chapter 7
Diluc, freshly cleaned up and dressed for the first time in, well - a while, was having another staring competition with his bedroom door. Breakfast. He had told Kaeya he would try. Logically, he knew that he could end up in just as much trouble right from this room. He could be found here, taken from here, even held right here against his will or hurt here, but it felt more like a barrier from the rest of the world, instead. A safe barrier from a world he didn't want to deal with. One that he wasn't ready to deal with again. He could also see that if he didn't leave this room again, he might never be ready.
He pulled at his shirt, it itched and stung where it laid across his stitches, the material catching on them. It was taking all of his self-control not to tear the uncomfortable clothes off and go back to his pajamas all-together.
A tapping sound from the window got his attention, and he turned to see Dawn on her perch that stuck out from the outer window sill. Her wing was fully healed now, and she was enjoying her freedom. Kaeya had brought her to Diluc a few times, and he missed her. He was told how she had saved him, led the Knights right to him, even with an injured wing. He was proud of her, and very thankful.
He opened the window, and she chirped at him happily, "Hey, Dawn." he smiled as she nipped at his sleeve, "I don't have any treats right now, but I'll bring some later, ok?"
She squawked at him disapprovingly, but nuzzled her beak into his hand, forgiving of the shake that he couldn't seem to rid himself of. There was a knock at his door, that would be Kaeya, there to see if Diluc was coming out.
Diluc sighed, "Come in."
Kaeya smiled when he came in and saw the falcon sitting in the window, "I thought I heard you talking to someone. Good morning, Dawn." He said as he rubbed her chin before she took flight again, then turned to Diluc, "Good morning, Diluc. Would you like some breakfast?"
The voice in the back of his mind told him no, "I- ah… yes."
He hated the uncertainty in his voice. He wasn't sure what he thought would happen if he left this room, he just knew that he didn't want to. In his mind, food sounded gross, but his stomach growled at the idea of having fuel.
"You don't have to."
"I know, it's just…"
Kaeya moved to stand in front of Diluc, and put a hand on his shoulder, "The only people in this house are people who care about you. People who would never hurt you, and would keep you safe, Diluc." He walked over to the door, put his hand on the knob and without turning it yet, he looked over at Diluc.
He knew what Kaeya was saying was true, and today had been better than yesterday, so far. He only had one nightmare during the night, he didn't have a panic attack with it, and he hadn't hurt anyone. Diluc hadn't even flinched when Kaeya had come in a few minutes earlier. Still, even just having that door open brought up a fear that he couldn't explain. Kaeya was trying to help him, and he wasn't trying to push him, just helping him move forward, even if it was only an inch at a time.
Diluc nodded and Kaeya opened the door, he walked out and waited for Diluc with a small smile. As much as his instincts were telling him to, he wasn't going to go back on what he had told Kaeya. Although, it took a moment to get his feet to agree.
He shuffled forward before he had time to change his mind, but before he could pass the threshold, he couldn't breathe. He squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth as sharp pain made itself known throughout his skull, moving to every corner, as a short memory slashed its way through his head.
"I'll be careful, Adelinde. I'm only checking up on it for the network, nothing more. Don't worry."
He stepped past where she was hovering just outside his bedroom door, and hurried down the stairs, grabbing his coat from the rack.
"Please stop telling me not to worry, you know it won't help. Even if you keep a distance, this is still dangerous. Not to mention you have the ability to attract trouble."
He tried to put on a reassuring look, "I won't be back until later tomorrow, more than enough time for Kaeya's return from his trip." A small laugh escaped, "Wouldn't want him to miss his chance to annoy me."
With that he bid Adelinde goodnight, and walked out the door.
It took longer than it should have for him to realize that the ceiling he could see past his brother's worried face was not that of the main house, but his own bedroom. It took him even longer to realize that his brother was leaning over him, looked terrified, and was talking to him. He couldn't understand a single word, his ears were ringing.
"W-what?" He tried to focus on what was being said.
"You passed out and I… I couldn't catch you." Kaeya said.
Diluc couldn't stand the look of guilt on the bluenette's face, his gears were turning a little slow, but he had already figured out what had happened, "Kaeya, I'm fine. Don't worry."
Don't worry. It had been a memory from the night he disappeared, he was certain of that now. Up until this point, he hadn't been able to remember anything, including leaving the house that day. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to or not, having some fear that knowing would make his issues worse, but for the moment, at least he wasn't panicking. Much.
It was when he sat up on his elbows and looked at the still open door that his chest tightened, and he pushed himself back, as far away from it as he could manage. Kaeya immediately shut it, while Diluc sat up in the middle of the floor, and brought his knees closer to his chest and rested his arms on them while he looked down and closed his eyes.
Diluc could feel Kaeya hovering next to him, nervous energy pouring off of his brother, but he needed a minute to get his breathing and body back under control. Diluc felt drained, from such a small thing. Something most people rarely even think about, leaving their room each day. It's just something that you do. It's something small. He stared up at the door again, the memory replaying in his mind.
Something clicked into place. Was this the reason the door was such a trigger? That couldn't be the entire reason, he was still missing pieces. Unfortunately, he knew those pieces came with memories that he didn't want. The thought made him dizzy. Eventually, he reached a hand out to Kaeya to calm him down, he was still blaming himself.
"Kaeya, I-I really am ok… please, calm down." He looked up into a single, wide periwinkle eye, "This wasn't your fault."
It was reminiscent of the nervous child Kaeya had deep inside, but made sure to keep locked up tight. While the bluenette hid it well, there was always a storm inside those eyes. Not of rage, like Diluc's were anymore, but of sorrow and many times, anguish. He could see it when he was younger, but Diluc didn't know what it meant like he does now. It was pain that he saw in those eyes before he had blacked out on the night that their father died. Maybe if he hadn't been too blind to see it in Kaeya, see that he was punishing himself, things would have turned out differently.
Kaeya sat on the floor across from Diluc as the redhead collected his thoughts. Ultimately, the memory told him nothing except that he had walked out of the front door that night. While it could be linked in some way to Diluc's sudden bedroom door aversion, it seemed more likely that the issue may simply stem from it, and his myriad of other issues were clinging to that, just to present themselves. His head hurt and the onslaught of mystery, thoughts, and emotions wasn't helping. He scrubbed his hands over his face.
"What's going on, Diluc?"
Not that he was what could be considered calm, but he realized it was a bit of a shock that he hadn't crumpled into a ball of panic, and he understood Kaeya's non-question, he was surprised by it too.
"I… I think I remembered something, but… it wasn't much." Diluc said, preparing himself for the questions.
Kaeya's eyebrows shot up, "You mean… from when you were taken?"
Diluc nodded, "Like I said, it's really not much. I spoke with Adelinde, then I left. That's all."
"What did you speak with her about?"
Diluc shrugged, "What I was headed out for. It was the usual, she was worried, because she always worries."
"Do you remember where you were going?"
"I don't. Only that I was checking on something." Kaeya didn't need to know about the group he sometimes gathered information for. He rarely dealt with them himself, either.
"What door did you leave from?"
"The front." He closed his eyes.
Diluc could hear the wheels turning in Kaeya's mind. Analyzing situations, things that are happening, or have already happened, was part of Kaeya's job, and he was very good at it, probably the best in Mondstadt. While Diluc didn't have a lot of information to give his brother, he would likely come to the same conclusion about the door.
With Kaeya's help, Diluc stumbled into a standing position, he was shaky, but he was up. He slowly walked up to the door, put his hand on the knob, but pulled back and began to pace in front of it. His breaths became shallow, and he could feel the other familiar signs of panic creeping in.
Kaeya put his hand on Diluc's shoulder to stop him, "We don't need to go down. We'll just have some food brought here."
There was a soft knock on the door. Kaeya called out a soft "Come in," as he directed Diluc to one of the armchairs. He sat, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, and put his face in his hands. He tried to focus on Kaeya and Adelinde instead of the door and the thoughts that were telling him he was weak, that he had failed his brother, that he was pathetic like this, worthless to anyone.
"Breakfast is ready, if you'd like me to bring some up?" She offered in a painfully soft voice that belied how worried she was.
"That would be great, Adelinde. Thank you." Kaeya responded.
Diluc vaguely heard the door close again, the legs of the chair across from his moving closer, then a hand brush lightly against his shoulder. He didn't want to look at his brother. He didn't want to see what a disappointment he knew must be written on Kaeya's face, but when the hand gently landed on his shoulder and stayed this time, he finally looked at him.
Kaeya didn't look disappointed, or angry, or annoyed like Diluc was sure he would, or that he should, he looked worried. A look he'd caused his brother, and others, to have on their faces far too much lately. People shouldn't be worrying over him, he just wasn't worth it. He focused on the closest wall as his already glazed over eyes began to sting.
"Diluc… Don't. Don't do that." Kaeya said.
"I wasn't doing anything." He returned in nothing more than a whisper.
Kaeya nodded his head slowly, "So you weren't just degrading your own self-worth up there?" He asked, "I don't understand, why? There are so many people that you are worth everything to, Diluc."
Diluc didn't answer, he couldn't while he was concentrating so hard on not breaking again. Something he was failing at as tears set his cheeks on fire. Why would he be worth anything? He wasn't who he used to be. As hard as he was trying, he was never cheerful anymore, he couldn't let go of his sins, he couldn't let go of all the ghosts haunting him. He couldn't save their father, he couldn't even save his brother from suffering at his hands. He wasn't fun to be around, anger and fear occupying his mind most of the time. What exactly was that supposed to be worth?
Before his eighteenth birthday, he never would have thought he'd end up this way, back when he used to smile, find joy in the peace of his family, before it was shattered into millions of pieces. He was trying to search for those pieces and put them back together, but it felt impossible. Even more so, now that he was trapped inside his own head.
As Kaeya pulled him into his arms again, that was it, he was lost, and he sank into the hole of despair that had been working to suck him into its depths for failing his brother once more.
Chapter 8
When Diluc suddenly shouted in pain and grabbed his head, it startled Kaeya. When his brother was sprawled out on the floor, pale, and not responding to Kaeya desperately trying to wake him, the captain nearly lost it. Losing his composure was not something that he often did, yet he found himself rambling nervously when Diluc came to.
It only took a moment for the redhead to notice the open door and weakly moved himself away. Kaeya closed the door quickly and came to kneel next to Diluc. His brother had sat himself up, but was panting and shaking, still not responding to him. He knew these signs now, and tried to talk his brother back into the space they were in. What was currently his safe place.
Though it took some time, Diluc managed to come back from the edge he'd gotten so close to, but just as the day before, he looked like he had no energy left to give. Guilt tore at him, he shouldn't have tried to get Diluc out.
Kaeya sat next to Diluc, unsure if the redhead even wanted him to be there. He was surprised when Diluc looked up after a few minutes, staring at the door as if the thing had personally hurt him. After a moment, he swayed where he sat and reached out to Kaeya.
He realized then, that he must be failing at calming his brother, since it was that brother who was trying to calm him. Diluc even looked straight at him and told him it wasn't his fault. For a moment, Kaeya entertained the thought that Diluc was having a delusional episode. What else could it be? He had pushed too far and caused Diluc more suffering for it. Greedy, he was being greedy, trying to force his brother out of his safety zone.
Kaeya didn't respond to Diluc trying to free him of responsibility, and tried to keep his face as neutral as he could, since he couldn't manage something more pleasant right now. He moved to sit in front of the other, watching as he seemed to get halfway lost in thought. Aside from the trembling of his tired muscles, Diluc almost looked like a statue, until he rubbed his hands over his face, leaving his cheeks red and eyes watering.
He was beyond relieved that Diluc didn't seem to be sinking further into panic, but was coming back out of it, instead. "What's going on, Diluc?" He asked, hoping to bring his brother back the rest of the way, to keep him from going backwards.
Kaeya couldn't read the expression that briefly crossed Diluc's face, but he was a little surprised by the redhead's response.
"I… I think I remembered something, but… it wasn't much." Diluc said, his shoulders tensing slightly as he looked from the carpet, to the door, then back.
Kaeya's brows moved towards his hairline, remembering something was completely new, unless Diluc hadn't told him before, but he didn't think that was the case. He was worried about what part he might remember, but he needed to know, maybe it could help them learn everything that happened, and help prevent it in the future. Il Dottore was still out there, after all. "You mean… from when you were taken?"
Diluc gave a small nod, "Like I said, it's really not much. I spoke with Adelinde, then I left. That's all."
He doubted that was actually all there was to it, but he kept going, carefully gauging his brother's reaction in case he needed to stop, "What did you speak with her about?" The shrug let Kaeya know that Diluc was doing ok with the questions for now.
"What I was headed out for. It was the usual, she was worried, because she always worries."
That was certainly true, but both Diluc and himself had a habit of finding trouble, even from a young age. She had reason to worry, and since Kaeya suspected Diluc's nightly activities had lately included donning a mask and swordplay against various enemies, he had been becoming increasingly nervous for his brother as well.
"Do you remember where you were going?" Kaeya watched very closely at this question.
"I don't. Only that I was checking on something."
He could feel that his brother was hiding something in this answer, but that the answer itself was honest. Diluc was telling most of the truth, hopefully the important parts. It wasn't like he didn't know what Kaeya was doing.
"What door did you leave from?"
"The front," Diluc answered bluntly before closing his eyes, indicating that he was done with questions.
Kaeya would have to check out the area around the front door later. As much as he wished he had more information to go on, Like at what point Diluc had been kidnapped, it was more than nothing. More than they had before.
Even with questioning Dottore's captured minions, they hadn't been able to gain much more insight beyond what they already knew. Jean wouldn't let Kaeya in, and set Noelle, of all people, to the task after others had failed. The Maid of Favonius was able to pull more out of them than anyone else. She found that the two hired men had been the ones to take Diluc, that they had used drugs and darts to do it, apparently they were exasperated at how many darts it took to drop the redhead, and that they had been ordered to continuously inject him with paralyzing drugs. An infuriating testament to how much Dottore knew about Diluc. Unfortunately, they hadn't been able to get anything else out of the idiots.
Kaeya thought about Diluc leaving through the front door, then Diluc's own bedroom door. He wondered if the suppressed memory had been associating itself with leaving through that door. Even if Diluc hadn't remembered, his mind still did. Of course, there were a whole slew of reasons his brother might have anxiety about leaving the safety of his room. Any of them could be subconsciously contributing to the issue.
Diluc trying to get his legs under himself snapped Kaeya out of his thoughts and he moved to help the man up. He let go of the redhead's arm when he was sure he'd be able to stand on his own, but he was shocked when Diluc made his way back to the door and slowly put his hand on the knob. Kaeya watched with hope as his brother paused like that for a moment, before pulling back and beginning to pace. His heart fell as Diluc's fists clenched at his sides and he started to breathe in short gasps, teeth chattering.
Kaeya quickly stepped forward and as gently as he could, stopped Diluc's movements with a hand to his shoulder, "We don't need to go down. We'll just have some food brought here."
Diluc let out a nearly inaudible noise as Kaeya pulled him towards one of his armchairs. At the knock on the door, he was reminded that he'd asked Adelinde to come up and check if they hadn't made it downstairs by a certain time.
He waited a moment, hoping that Diluc might answer, but it quickly became clear that he wouldn't. "Come in," He called out as quietly as he could, trying not to disturb his brother further. Diluc sank down into the chair and immediately hid his face in his hands.
Adelinde entered, making sure to quickly shut the door behind herself, "Breakfast is ready, if you'd like me to bring some up?" She said, looking carefully over Diluc, then to Kaeya, using her eyes to ask if the redhead was ok.
Kaeya shook his head no, then gave a short nod, "That would be great, Adelinde. Thank you."
She gave Diluc another look, then quietly left. Kaeya pulled the other chair so that it's armrest touched the one Diluc was seated in, settled himself in it, and barely brushed against the redhead's shoulder to get his attention. Diluc buried himself deeper into his hands instead, so Kaeya let his hand rest on the shoulder instead, simply letting Diluc know that he was there if he needed.
When Diluc looked up, he was on the verge of tears and yet again, Kaeya didn't know what to do. He could see his brother searching his face, but he couldn't tell if he found what he was looking for as the redhead focused on the wall instead. His face changed, and Kaeya knew that look too well, he saw it in the mirror any time he looked at himself.
It wasn't a look he ever wanted to see on his brother, "Diluc… Don't. Don't do that." Please, don't do that.
Diluc denied it immediately, eyes never leaving the wall, and Kaeya couldn't let this go.
"So you weren't just degrading your own self-worth up there?" He asked, tapping the side of his own head, and he could see his brother's jaw clench, "I don't understand, why? There are many people that you mean everything to, Diluc."
Kaeya watched as the tears Diluc had been holding back rolled down his cheeks, leaving tracks. Had he said too much? He didn't think so, it was far better for people to be reminded that they are loved, that they deserve love and that they are wanted, especially if they thought otherwise.
He saw the dam break, and not knowing what else to do, he hugged his brother, once again letting him know he wouldn't be alone.
Chapter 9
Diluc stared at the now cold breakfast he was pushing around his plate, with no interest in eating it. He hadn't even heard Adelinde bring it in, and hadn't had the chance to thank her. He was so tired, but it seemed like he was always tired anymore. The problem was, sleeping meant nightmares, and that was very unappealing, but he was only going to make it so long before his body decided for him.
Kaeya was trying to get him to eat more, not wanting him to get sick from it again. Diluc didn't really know what he was talking about, having little to no memory of the incident, but Adelinde seemed to have an idea as to what was going on and said it was normal to have memory loss with this type of sickness. She also made sure Diluc's room had crackers, bread, and juice at all times, now, and asked that he at least try to nibble on them here and there. He would try, since both she and Kaeya asked, but right now his stomach was churning, wanting to bring back up the four bites of scrambled eggs and sausage he'd eaten. The pounding headache wasn't helping matters in the least.
He looked over at his bed, it seemed too far away, so he sunk into the chair, letting his head rest across the back, and closed his eyes.
"Aren't you going to eat some more? You hardly had anything."
Kaeya's tone still dripped with worry, and Diluc was aware that the bluenette was watching him very closely.
"No… thank you…" He mumbled, even as he felt his body relax, and he gave in to sleep.
He hadn't even made it a few feet past the porch when he felt a sting on the left side of his neck. He hissed and reached up, feeling an odd object that had pierced through his collar and right into his skin. He pulled it out with another hiss and barely had time to register that it was some sort of dart before he felt another.
He tried to retreat back into the house, but a wave of dizziness crashed over him, and he took a couple of steps towards the yard instead, losing sense of direction as the world spun around him. Since he couldn't make it back to the house, he tried to move to the closest bush and felt the sting twice more, then another.
He couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, nor hold himself up, he hit the ground hard. By the time he felt hands on him, he was barely aware, but he still struggled as best he could.
"Archons, he's still moving!" Someone whispered next to him.
Hands grabbed him harder, "We put enough of this stuff in him to down a sumpter beast! Give him one of the shots." A different voice whispered.
Diluc tried to pull his arms free, to shove his captors back, anything to get away. They flipped him over and used a knee to press his face into the stone while his arms were pulled behind his back, nearly to the point of being dislocated, and he felt the pinch in his upper arm, followed by the burn of drugs through his veins.
Consciousness came in very short bursts, making it impossible for his slowed brain to figure out what was going on. He couldn't get his body to move, not even a little. It felt like he was being carried upside down, over someone's shoulder, maybe. He couldn't see anything, but he wasn't sure if his eyes were open or closed. As he faded in and out, he caught voices.
"This guy is tall, but I wouldn't have thought he'd weigh this much!" A breathless voice said.
"Boss said he's strong, that's why we had to knock 'im out." The second voice replied.
He guessed he'd find out who "Boss" was all too soon, but he couldn't say he cared to. He didn't have a choice.
~X~
The floor hit hard when you couldn't catch yourself. He thought that he might have moaned, but he wasn't sure, his ears were ringing from where his head had landed unceremoniously. Why was he even awake? He'd rather not be at this point. By the time he realized that the pains in his stomach meant he was going to vomit, he was already choking on it. Someone lifted his torso so that it stopped getting stuck in his throat.
He was nearly unconscious again when they let him flop down into the puddle of stomach contents. Barely aware of the surrounding movement of others, one voice cut through the darkness like a searing hot knife, bringing tears to his eyes almost instantly.
"The subject is filthy. Are both of you truly this incompetent?" The man snapped, "I expect you to answer 'Yes, Il Dottore, our incompetence knows no bounds.' You'll show respect to one of my stature, or you'll become one of my creations."
As hard as he tried, his body wouldn't move. He needed out. He couldn't do this again… he couldn't…
"Clean up the floor, and scrub down the subject. Burn the clothes, he won't be needing them."
~X~
The table was so cold. Hard metal a shock against his bare skin. His eyelids felt far too heavy to open, but he managed it, just enough to see the bright light shinning in his face. A shadow passed between him and the light.
"Ah, conscious again, I see. Such good timing, we are just about to begin."
He could feel cold metal touch his left arm. It stopped just long enough to let him know what it was, before it pushed into his skin. He could feel the blood flow freely down his arm and settle on the surface underneath him. Anyone close-by would be able to hear the scream that escaped him, and a sadistic laugh rang through his ears.
"Well, I suppose you can't always be so stoic and tough, can you." Dottore said, tracing his gloved fingers down Diluc's ribs, "Such a work of art, I've made of your flesh, but it's not complete. Far from it."
Diluc tried to struggle away from the touch, it felt like someone had sat on his chest, and blackness started to overtake his vision. If he couldn't move to save himself, he would welcome the lack of consciousness. The pinch of a needle and burning hot fluid entering his veins tore the possibility from him.
"Ah, ah." Dottore tsked, "It's better when you are aware to let me know of your discomforts."
That was the joke, wasn't it? Dottore didn't want to know what made him hurt, he simply wanted to relish in it. Using all of his will to move, he managed to make his body twitch.
"Oh, you will want to hold still." Dottore's hand traced Diluc's inner thigh, "You see, the next incision will be very close to your femoral artery. We wouldn't want to sever that, would we? You would be dead in moments."
Touching. No-No-No! Not that. No touching! Bile rose in his throat as memories flooded him. Memories he had tried so hard to bury. Despite the drugs in his system, his body began to shake uncontrollably, and his eyes felt like streams of lava flowing down the sides of his face.
Dottore smiled down at him, "I see you remember. It's nice to know I've made such an impact on your life." He said as if he were recalling one of his most pleasant memories, but it changed in an instant, "Let's get to work!"
The doctor sunk his scalpel into the sensitive skin of Diluc's thigh, into his ribs and chest for what felt like hours upon hours. The man wasn't even doing anything, just cutting to inflict pain. It was only when Diluc started to become less responsive that Dottore would oh so slowly begin to shove the needle and thread through his skin, over and over, to close the wounds he had made.
~xxxxxxxxxx~
At the feeling of a hand on his cheek, Diluc flew out of the chair he was in, but had no balance and was headed face-first towards the floor. A strong grip caught him to slow his fall, but more panic clenched at him, and he ripped arm away from the person and scrambled back to his feet unsteadily. His eyes darted around, his vision too blurry to take in his actual surroundings, and he backed himself to the nearest wall with his hands stretched out in front of himself to stop the blob that was moving not too far away.
"D-d-don't! Don't touch me!" He yelled, his throat was hoarse and dry.
The blob put its hands up, as if in surrender, and stopped moving. Diluc's vision started to clear, and he became more aware of his surroundings. He was in his bedroom, and Kaeya was standing in front of him with his arms up, saying something he couldn't hear. Diluc's legs gave out, and he slid down the wall.
Chapter 10
Kaeya waited until he was certain Diluc was soundly asleep before he hurried out the front door to do a short search. As he had expected, there wasn't much to see. It had been around two weeks since Diluc was kidnapped and in that time there had been weather, the area had been swept and cleaned, and anyone who had been in and out of the house would have trekked right through that area. He just wished he could piece together the rest of what had happened, how it was done, what to look for in the future since the unstable doctor was still out there.
He stopped by his own room and grabbed a book, and went to Diluc's room to sit across from him as he slept. It wasn't as if his brother couldn't be left alone. While it was possible that Kaeya being there could help Diluc with coming back from nightmares, staying close by was also helping Kaeya to feel better. He almost felt as if he let the redhead out of his sight, he would disappear.
Diluc's mumbling drew Kaeya away from the line he'd been staring at in the book for the last several minutes. The man went silent, then his entire body convulsed before going limp. Kaeya wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't tell if Diluc was having a nightmare, or some other problem.
Since he wasn't flailing or crying out, and desperately needed sleep, Kaeya decided to let him be for now, but watched him carefully. That didn't last long as Diluc steadily got more wound up, fighting against something where he was trapped inside his own mind. Kaeya gently shook him, when there was no response, he shook a little harder, calling his name.
Where this normally would have awoken him, he showed no signs of waking this time. As gently as he could, he tried to keep Diluc from harming himself. He could do nothing beyond this but watch and wait. Diluc's face was soaked with tears and sweat, quite a bit of time had passed before he began to calm down. When Kaeya reached out to touch his brother's cheek to get his attention, the reaction was extreme.
Diluc was on his feet before Kaeya could blink, but couldn't get his legs under himself before he tripped forward. Kaeya caught his arm to slow his fall, but this frightened his disoriented brother even further, and he wrenched his arm away before making it back onto his feet.
Diluc's eyes wildly searched the room, but it was obvious he really wasn't taking in anything around himself. On shaking legs he backed himself against the wall and stretched his arms out in front of himself defensively, trying to keep Kaeya away.
"D-d-don't! Don't t-touch me!"
Diluc's voice seemed so small and frightened, yet wild. Broken, his brother had been broken.
Kaeya stopped in his tracks and put his hands up, "Diluc, it's Kaeya. I'm not going to hurt you. Diluc?" He tried as Diluc looked around the room, slower now, then back to Kaeya, "You're in your own home-"
Diluc collapsed against the wall and slid to the floor, completely limp. Kaeya checked his pulse and breathing as he continued to speak to him, but Diluc was unconscious. He pulled his brother away from the wall a little, and laid him flat on his back, then grabbed two pillows from the armchairs and propped up his feet. He checked Diluc's pulse and breathing again, pleased to find that they were evening out, and Diluc moaned, already coming to.
Kaeya pulled his hands away, not wanting to startle him again, "Are you with me?" He asked, not expecting an answer, but was pleasantly surprised to receive one, no matter how slurred it was.
"Huh… f-f-floor…"
"Yes, you are on the floor, and you're going to stay there for a few minutes." Kaeya was fairly certain that if his brother tried to stand right now, he'd just end up right back in his current position. "You passed out, you need to give your body a minute to catch up and recover."
Diluc didn't argue with him, which Kaeya found worrying, but instead looked around with barely open eyes.
"Not… not a lab."
Kaeya thought Diluc might be talking more to himself than anything, but he answered anyway.
"Just home."
Diluc looked over at him for the first time, "...You're ok?"
He smiled down at his brother and held his hand out to the sides in a half shrug, "I'm always ok. How are you feeling?"
Diluc stayed silent and still for a long moment, "I… told Dawn I'd give her a treat…" He said as he started to sit himself up.
Kaeya wasn't surprised by Diluc avoiding the subject, he probably would, too.
"I got some earlier, actually." Kaeya helped Diluc up, and grabbed a small plate from the table.
Diluc was a little wobbly on his feet, but he made it over to the window, opened it, and leaned on the sill as he whistled for Dawn. Kaeya balanced the plate next to him and stayed close-by. Diluc grabbed a small piece of fish and set it on her perch just as the large bird flapped down from the roof. She gave Diluc a sweet chirp before devouring the food.
Kaeya watched his brother's mouth curve into a slight smile as he fed her, Diluc doubted the redhead even knew he did that, but Dawn was probably his closest friend. After her recent display of heroism, Kaeya couldn't help but wonder what other situations she had helped Diluc out of. This time, if it weren't for her, Kaeya didn't think Diluc would be alive.
Diluc was looking much better than he had minutes ago, but it took some time before he spoke.
"I remembered more…"
Kaeya was a little caught off guard by Diluc willingly sharing, but quickly recovered, "I'm listening, if you decide you want to talk about it. When you're ready, any time you need me, I'll be here."
Diluc was quiet for several more minutes, and Kaeya figured that he was done for now, but he began to speak quietly, and in not quite full sentences.
"It was late. They - right in front of the house… I think they carried me all the way to-. I don't know, couldn't see." Diluc's voice was strained.
"… I don't think it was very long before he started… He wasn't e-even doing anything," Diluc let out a quiet, pained noise, and his breathing became irregular, "Cutting just because… for fun…" The window sill creaked where he was holding on, "H-he liked to… likes to t-touch. Calls what he's done a-art."
Kaeya's teeth were clenched so tight they hurt, along with his chest and his fists clenched at his sides, his stomach swirled dangerously. Diluc had pushed himself away from the window a little, but still used it to brace himself and had his head down, trying to take deep breaths, but it was only delaying the inevitable. They were close to the bathroom door, Kaeya pulled Diluc's arm over his own shoulder to help him walk.
While his brother's breathing hadn't evened out, he stopped Kaeya after just a couple of steps, and grabbed the wall, "I-I'm… Just need… to sit…" He said breathlessly.
Dawn had started chattering when she sensed Diluc's distress, and had moved from her perch to the window sill. She kept a close eye on her human as Kaeya helped him to the bed and found himself hovering again. Diluc closed his eyes, he still looked like he was going to vomit, but his breathing was slowing, and it looked to Kaeya like he was shaking a little less.
Kaeya sat next to him and waited. It had already been such a long morning, and Diluc had been through a lot in just a few hours time. Now, even with this reaction, Kaeya believed that talking about it would ultimately help his brother overcome his pain, help him climb that mountain and begin to find his way into some sort of recovery, but he knew Diluc needed to get there at his own pace. So, he would wait, and he would support.
Diluc had made it clear that he didn't want most people anywhere near him, Kaeya could understand that, just from knowing about Dottore's torture alone, they all understood it, but this new information was a whole new level. Had this happened every time? He suddenly remembered something Diluc had said just the day before. "You'll never get rid of the feel of his hands- doing whatever he wants with you." That was before he remembered more just a few minutes ago. Kaeya felt angry with himself, he should have caught that. He couldn't dwell on this right now, Diluc had calmed and was starting to respond to the outside world again.
Kaeya poured a cup of grape juice and brought it to the redhead, "Here you go."
Diluc stared into the dark drink, "I'm sorry." He whispered, almost too light to catch.
"You don't need to apologize for things that are out of your control, Diluc."
Diluc looked at Kaeya, his eyes still haunted by the memories that triggered the attack, "I… I hate feeling so helpless in my own life, not being able to control my own emotions. I hate the hold this seems to have on me."
Kaeya understood that. His own past was the shadow that followed him every single day, and he still dealt with the constant nightmares, days that he didn't think he'd make it through, and guilt.
When he was younger, Kaeya had Diluc's support. His brother never asked what was wrong, or pushed him to talk about it. He was just there, making sure Kaeya had someone to talk to, if he wanted, that he had a shoulder to lean on.
Dawn chirped at Diluc, wanting his attention. When she had it, she chattered at him, letting him know everything on her mind. Diluc went to her and rubbed her chin, a small smile on his lips. It had become such a rare sight to see the redhead smile, but it was a far cry from the toothy smiles he used to give everyone.
"Master Diluc, Master Kaeya?" The voice came with a light knock on the door.
Other than Jean visiting Diluc while Kaeya wasn't in the room, it had become habit for Kaeya to answer anyone waiting at the door, so it was a bit of a surprise when Diluc called them in. The smile Adelinde had when she entered was the most genuine Kaeya had seen in a few weeks.
"I've prepared lunch, I wasn't sure if you were still resting. Would you like me to bring it up?"
Kaeya watched closely as Diluc's eyes wandered to the door and noticed the tiny hitch in his breath. Diluc was obviously trying to work through it, but he wasn't ready.
"Yes, if you would, please." Diluc replied.
~xxxxxxxxxx~
The rest of the day went a little smoother. Diluc had managed to eat more food throughout the day than he had at any other point during his recovery, and even kept the contents on the inside. Kaeya would take that as a good sign.
Diluc had tried to talk about his experience once more. He came very close to another panic attack, but he was able to calm himself before it could get to that. Kaeya was a little worried that his brother was trying to push himself for the sake of others.
It was only mid-evening and Kaeya felt like he was ready to sleep for the next three days. Everything was catching up to him. As much as he had tried, it seemed he failed at not looking tired.
"You know… you don't have to stay here with me all day. I know you have things to do, and this isn't very fun. I'll be fine on my own." Diluc said after Kaeya yawned for what must have been the fiftieth time.
"Oh? Tired of having me around?" Kaeya joked.
Diluc sighed, and Kaeya then did the same.
"Other than the fact that I don't mind spending time with my big brother, I told you, I'll be here for you. I meant it. You can stay in here as long as you need, and if you really don't want me around, I'll go. Otherwise, I think I'm right where I should be." Kaeya wasn't sure what response to expect from Diluc.
After a moment, and to Kaeya's surprise, Diluc nodded, "Thank you."
Chapter 11
Over the next several days things had progressed slowly for Diluc, but Kaeya could see his brother getting better. His skin had regained some of its normal color, he was eating more, he'd been able to talk about his situation and triggers more, he'd had far fewer attacks, and he'd been sleeping just a little better, with fewer nightmares. If he did have one, it had started to become easier for him to come back from it. It was today that Kaeya noticed something big had changed.
At first, he thought he had imagined it, when he came to see how Diluc was first thing that morning. Diluc, who had already been awake, looked at the door as Kaeya entered, carefully watching the inanimate object open and close, but he didn't flinch, or hold his breath. Then came Adelinde with breakfast, and it confirmed what Kaeya had thought he saw. Diluc watched the door, but it was different.
He still wouldn't push him, and wait until Diluc decided that he was ready, but Kaeya was happy with the progression, and his brother being in less pain helped Kaeya relax some. He feared to get too excited, but he could feel some tension leave his body.
It was raining outside, thunder and lightning carrying on, and rattling the windows. Kaeya wasn't surprised by the way Diluc stared at the storm, he always liked the rain. In fact, the redhead would usually insist that he didn't need an umbrella, but had become sick on more than one occasion after walking around in the rain. Kaeya had seen him out in it more than once since he'd been back in Mondstadt, but he would always swear that Diluc was actually playing in it.
Today, though, Diluc had dragged a chair in front of the window and sat, staring at the drops making their way down the glass. Even though there had been some improvement with the door, his brother was quiet, and seemed very lost in thought.
"He hasn't been caught yet?"
Kaeya looked up from his book, Diluc's sudden question caught him off guard, and he hated the answer, "No, but everyone has their eyes open for any sign of him."
That was it, Diluc didn't say another word. He didn't show that he was angry, or sad. He was blank, tired, and somewhat absentminded. Kaeya looked back down to the open pages of the book in his lap, he hadn't gotten very far, keeping an eye on Diluc instead, and though he knew there wasn't much point in trying to start a conversation with the man when he was like this, he still tried on occasion. Diluc was emotionally drained.
Diluc had dozed off a few times, but always startled back awake with his fingers digging into the armrests. He would take in his surroundings, and relax back into the chair. Kaeya had made sure there were books by him, hoping it would pull him out of just staring out the window, but he did nothing else all day, never even sparing a glance at the books.
It was lunchtime when Kaeya tried to pull Diluc out of it, a little worried that he was going backwards.
"Would you like to talk about what's on your mind?" He asked.
"Hm?" Diluc pulled his attention away from the window long enough to take a small bite and look at Kaeya.
"Is there anything you would like to talk about?"
For a moment, a flicker of guilt passed over Diluc's face, before it was gone, "I…" He paused, "No…"
"Ok, I just wanted to make sure. I'll be right here if you decide you would like to."
The redhead nodded and turned his attention back to the window, only occasionally taking a bite of his food. At this point, there had been so many days that Kaeya was worried he wasn't helping, wasn't doing things right, making mistakes. He'd tried his hardest to make sure he wasn't pushing, that he was simply there for when Diluc needed him. He'd been driving himself a little crazy by thinking that he was going to mess everything up and hurt his brother more.
The day before, he'd gone into Mondstadt briefly, and ended up in Jean's office talking faster than even he could decipher. Thankfully, she was a Kaeya whisperer, and was able to put his worries at ease. For years, she had dealt with days that he couldn't handle. His own panic attacks and fears while Diluc was gone, especially when the pyro Vision would dim and flicker, and it had done so many more times than either Kaeya or Jean could stand to think about.
While there, Jean had mentioned that she wanted to visit Diluc again, tomorrow. Kaeya had passed that on to Diluc, and while the redhead's cheeks nearly matched his hair, something flashed in his eyes and he smiled at the news. Maybe he was just waiting for tomorrow to come, but Kaeya didn't think so.
After lunch was cleared, Diluc wasn't even staring out the window anymore, his gaze had wandered to the wall instead.
"I… wonder what his end goal is. All of these tests with Visions and… delusions. Who did he kill to get that Vision he had?" What does he plan to do with that information?" Diluc tilted his head to the side with something between a sad, lost, and thoughtful look, "What does he plan to do with that information? Would he use whatever he discovered on me once he turned me into a… a-a mindless… slave? What would he make me do? Do his other abominations see what they are doing, without being able to do anything about it?" He turned back to the window, "That's exactly the type of thing he would do…"
Kaeya was speechless at these sudden questions. Was this what Diluc had been sitting there thinking about? Archons, he hoped not. He wasn't sure if Diluc wanted answers, or Kaeya's thoughts, or if he was just throwing random thoughts out in the open. There was something that stood out, "other abominations".
"Diluc… you - you aren't one of his abominations. You are home, with your family." Kaeya said quietly, and Diluc looked him in the eye, almost as if he were just noticing him in the room for the first time.
He nodded slightly, and looked back to the wall, "Of course…"
Just like a switch, Diluc was back in his own mind. It scared Kaeya. He tried making more conversation with him, bringing up Dawn, the tavern, even Jean, only to receive a small hum on occasion. Kaeya started to worry that he wasn't flinching at the door simply because he was too deep in his own mind.
This went on through dinner time, until Diluc said he was going to bed early, and laid down. Diluc hadn't even gotten the blanket on himself before he was asleep, Kaeya covered the redhead up. He was hesitant to leave him alone, but he had been trying not to make Diluc feel like he was hovering over his shoulder at all times, or that he was not trusted to take care of himself. He resolved to check on him a few times through the night. He had been doing that anyway.
Kaeya headed off to his own room, exhausted, both emotionally and physically. He got ready for bed, and hoped that Diluc would have a better day tomorrow.
Chapter 12
Diluc had woken up tired. Right from the very start, when the nightmare interrupted his sleep at four in the morning, he felt exhausted, and hollow. The rain was pattering against the window, one of his favorite sounds, and the room was still quite dark, aside from the occasional lightning that would illuminate his surroundings. Not having much energy, but not wanting to go back to sleep, Diluc pulled one of the chairs over to the window, and sat watching the rain as the world outside grew steadily brighter.
When he heard Kaeya walk by the door, Diluc wasn't sure what time it was, and he didn't care to look at a clock. He knew the bluenette would be coming to see him soon, and would likely sit with him for most, if not all, of the day. Diluc was fine with that, but he didn't want to hold Kaeya up from doing things he wanted, or needed to do. They had been over this, and Diluc didn't feel like talking, let alone arguing.
It had become something of a reflex to watch the door when it opened, until it was closed. Just the same as every other time, he turned towards it as Kaeya entered, and again when Adelinde brought breakfast, but today it didn't bother him in the same way it had been, or maybe it didn't matter. Either way, he didn't dwell on it.
He kept his gaze on the window for hours, watching what he could see of the world outside, from where he was sitting.
"He hasn't been caught yet?"
The question came out on its own. He heard Kaeya shift uncomfortably, and Diluc knew that everyone who was working on it felt bad for not being able to achieve their goal of bringing the man down, but it was out of their control.
"No, but everyone has their eyes open for any sign of him." Kaeya's reply was strained.
Somewhere, out there in all that rain, was Dottore, and Diluc knew full well that the doctor would be waiting for him. How long would it be before he was captured again? Anything and everything that he remembered from each time he was taken came crashing into his mind. Reminding him of every single reason it was all his fault. A tidal-wave of emotion that he couldn't even react to before his brain shut down.
Occasionally, he registered Kaeya's voice, and some part of him knew that it was him that his brother was talking to, but he didn't know what he was saying. His eyes kept closing on their own, pulled down by fatigue and the lethargic effects of the rain sliding down the glass.
Sometimes, when his eyes would close, and he was somewhere between the waking and dreaming worlds, he'd hear the metal of a medical tool tray, laughter, or a whisper. Other times he would feel a touch, or cold metal against his skin. He would jerk awake, only to find his own bedroom and brother sitting near. His fingers hurt from involuntary grabbing at the chair's arms.
At lunch, Diluc wasn't very hungry, and had mostly been ignoring the food, only having a bite here or there. It was a minute before he registered that Kaeya had said something to him
"Hm?" He responded with, and quickly took a bite, assuming that the bluenette was trying to get him to eat.
"Is there anything you would like to talk about?"
Diluc felt bad for ignoring Kaeya all morning, but talking just didn't feel like something he could achieve right now, "I…" He stopped himself, I can't right now, "No…" He decided no.
He didn't miss the tinge of sadness in Kaeya's voice, but he offered Diluc a small smile, "Ok, I just wanted to make sure. I'll be right here if you decide you would like to."
Diluc nodded and tried to finish eating his lunch. He tried to concentrate on putting what he was thinking into words, it took so much more power, just to do this simple thing, than it should have. It wasn't until after lunch was done that he'd brought some sort of order to his thoughts, and everything came out all at once.
"I… wonder what his end goal is. All of these tests with Visions and… delusions. Who did he kill to get that Vision he had?" Probably someone who has a family, still waiting for them to return home. Then there were the experiments. Dottore had been able to gather some sort of scientific findings on him, that much he knew, "What does he plan to do with that information? Would he use whatever he discovered on me once he turned me into a… a-a mindless… slave? What would he make me do? Do his other abominations see what they are doing, without being able to do anything about it?" What if he made me kill Kaeya, and I could see it, but I couldn't stop it? "That's exactly the type of thing he would do…"
Diluc had nearly sunk back into blankness, when Kaeya spoke again, "Diluc… you - you aren't one of his abominations. You are home, with your family."
Kaeya's tone had caught his attention, and Diluc met his eye. He looked as sad and scared as he sounded. He didn't want to scare him.
"Of course…" He said with a nod. I feel like an abomination.
He was mentally drained from talking. The worst part was that he knew he was acting weird, not acting like himself, unresponsive, and sad, and maybe a little scary, but it felt like too much to be anything else.
Once again, he could hear Kaeya speaking to him, but he had no idea what about. He made a noise back at his brother from time to time. After dinner, Diluc realized just how tired he actually was, and his body wasn't going to let him go any further. He didn't know what time it was, just that it was starting to get dark outside.
Letting Kaeya know he was going to sleep, and climbing straight into bed were a blur. He didn't even have the chance to pull the blankets over himself before sleep took him.
~xxxxxxxxxx~
He couldn't move, strapped, back flat against a freezing wall, hands secured above his head. He thought, at first, that the room was completely dark, but immediately remembered that something Dottore had done, took his vision. At the time, he'd finally screamed at the doctor, begged him to stop, something that he'd refused to do. Dottore cheerily continued to work away at cutting his skin and hummed with more joy at his lack of sight.
He could sense the presence first, a chill going down his spine, and he could guess who it was. At the first touch, he sucked in a sharp breath, and his heart nearly jumped out of his chest as goosebumps rose on his skin. There was a laugh from directly in front of him, and he could feel the breath on his face, he could smell it. It made him want to vomit.
Fingers started tracing stitches, older ones and newer, stinging and burning his damaged skin. He tried to suck in his stomach to get away from the touch on his ribs, but the fingers simply followed. They jabbed into the cuts, punishment for trying to escape, tears stung in his eyes, but he clenched his teeth, and tried not to let them fall.
"You can't get away from me." Dottore's voice whispered in his ear.
Another hard jab into an incision, then one to a fresh bruise, left by other "touches" while he was stuck on a surgical table.
"You can't get away from me," The doctor repeated, "Now hold still, or it will be much worse."
Diluc's eyes flew open, it was dark. Stuck, he was stuck, he could feel the straps. He struggled and found he could sit up, the phantom feeling of bindings fading as he moved his shaking limbs.
"D-dream… it was just a dream…" He mumbled.
"You sounded real scared, was it a bad dream?" A small voice asked.
Diluc jumped and pushed himself off the bed in the opposite direction of the voice and readied himself for a fight. All he found was a pair of red eyes looking back at him expectantly.
Chapter 13
Klee missed Big Brother Kaeya. She understood that Weird Grown Up had been hurt and needed a lot of help right now, but that meant that Kaeya hadn't been able to come and play in so long, and she had a new picture for him.
She wanted to ask Jean, but she was asleep at her desk. Jean had been working a lot, she was upset about Weird Grown Up being hurt as Big Brother Kaeya. Klee decided not to wake her, and left the building. The sun had just set, and it was still raining, but she didn't mind, she liked puddles. Sometimes, she and the funny bard would splash in them together to see how far they could get the water to fly.
She skipped out the front gate, right past the guards, and down the road, knowing where she would find Kaeya. When she got there, it was dark, but she didn't think it was too late, she had run most of the way, except when she found a nice big puddle to jump into.
Klee knocked lightly on the front door, but no one seemed to hear her. She turned the knob, it was unlocked, so she opened the door a little and peeked in to find someone. With no one around, she stepped inside, making sure to close the door behind herself, remembering what Jean said about it being rude not to.
The room was so big, with stairs on the left, a big fireplace to the right and a large table in the center, no sign of Kaeya, though. She looked over at the stairs, maybe he had gone to sleep, and in big houses, bedrooms were always upstairs.
Edging her way past the owl statue that was nearly as big as her, Klee climbed the stairs. At the top, there was a door to the left, a nook with chairs and a table straight across, and to the right led to more doors. Which one would be Kaeya's door?
She decided on the door to the left. She carefully opened the door and stepped inside. In the dim light, she could see the blanket moving.
"Big Brother Kaeya?" She asked quietly.
He didn't respond, so she took a couple steps closer, before she stopped at the sound of whimpering and crying. She wasn't sure what to do, was Kaeya scared, or hurt?
"Kaeya?... Are you okay?" She tried again.
Suddenly, the person sat up, but it wasn't Kaeya at all, it was Weird Grown Up. He looked really upset and was shaking and mumbling to himself.
"D-dream… it was just a dream…" Klee could just barely hear.
Oh no, "You sounded real scared, was it a bad dream?" She asked.
Klee watched as he nearly fell off the other side of the bed, before he spun around with his fists raised, and she realized she had frightened him.
"I'm sorry Mister Weird Grown Up, did I scare you?"
~xxxxxxxxxx~
Diluc blinked, trying to clear his eyes, "...Klee?"
That didn't make any sense, why would Klee be here? He was hallucinating.
"Big Brother Albedo hums me back to sleep when I have a bad dream, so does Jean. Would you like me to hum to you?"
He wasn't hallucinating, then. His eyes flicked up to the open door, then back to the child waiting for his answer, "Uh, n-no, thank you though." He looked over at the chair he had last seen Kaeya in, and realized he must have gone to bed.
"Klee, what are you doing here?" He asked, moving to where he could see her better. She was soaking wet, and filthy, covered in mud from head to toe. "Hold on, I'll be right back." He said as he hurried to grab a towel. He knew to be quick, Klee could cause a lot of trouble in mere seconds.
He knelt in front of her and wrapped her up in the towel before repeating his question, "Now please tell me, what are you doing here?"
Klee looked away and lightly scuffed her feet on the floor, "I wanted to see Kaeya. I haven't seen him in so long, and Jean said he was staying here, so I came to see him. I even have a new picture!" She said as she pulled a wet piece of folded paper from her pocket, "Oh no, it's all wet!"
Diluc looked at the soggy blob in her hand, and put his own hand out, "Let me see if I can open it. If I can, we might be able to let it dry."
She pouted, but set it in his open palm. He carefully pulled the folds apart, managing to open it without a single tear. He pulled a hanger from his closet and draped the paper across it to dry. Klee jumped joyfully and launched herself at him in a hug. His breath caught at the suddenness, but he then gave her a pat on the back and what he hoped was a reassuring sound.
She pulled pack after a moment and looked at him with teary eyes, "I don't know where Kaeya is, and I really, really miss him. Could you take me to him?"
Diluc looked at the door again, it was already open. He stood and Klee put her hand in his. Alright, he could do this.
He took a step forward, glad that Klee didn't say anything about the fact that he was shaking. Diluc didn't stop walking until he was out the door and in the hall. Taking a breath, he took in the house around him. It felt odd, in a way, his home being familiar, but not used to walking through it anymore.
They padded over to Kaeya's room and knocked.
~xxxxxxxxxx~
Kaeya startled awake to a knock on the door. Afraid something was wrong, he was out of bed and pulling the door open in an instant. For a moment, he thought he was dreaming when he saw a mess of red hair and matching eyes looking back at him. Somehow, Klee barreling into his legs wasn't the more shocking part.
Of everything he wanted to say, and maybe wanting to jump for joy at seeing his brother standing in the hallway, first thing was first. He sunk down to Klee's level, she was wrapped up in a towel, and Kaeya could see why. She was going to need a bath.
"Klee, why are you all the way out here?"
"Big Brother Kaeya! I missed you so much and since you couldn't come see me, I came to see you! But… I didn't know which room you were in. That's ok though, Mister Weird Grown Up helped me find you!" Klee rambled.
"Ah, I see. Klee, I'm very happy to see you, but it was extremely dangerous to come all on your own. You could have been hurt, or got lost."
Klee pouted, "I was ok. I was super super fast and stayed on the road!"
"It was still dangerous, Klee. Jean is going to be very worried." He looked up at Diluc, who nodded and disappeared back into his own room.
"Come on, let's get you cleaned up."
Chapter 14
Diluc expected that it would be a while before Dawn got the message to Jean, and longer still for her to arrive.
He turned back to the door, only giving it a split second of thought before he made his way back to Kaeya's room. Adelinde had joined Kaeya in helping to give the wild bundle of energy a bath. When she came out and saw Diluc digging through Kaeya's shirts for Klee, she looked like she was about to faint, but she looked beyond happy.
By the time she was done with her bath, more of the water was outside the tub, than in. Diluc had to use most of the towels in the small room to dry it while Kaeya tried to get Klee to settle down and go to sleep, being well past her bedtime. When Diluc came back in the room, she was in bed, but she was far from anything resembling sleep, chatting to Kaeya about every little thing she could think of. At one point, she turned to Diluc and gave a full report on how nice the bathtub was, and how she thought it might be strong enough to contain one of her bombs. He kindly asked her not to try it.
Diluc had asked Adelinde to retrieve a book he'd kept in storage, it was both his and Kaeya's favorite. It was the usual fairy tale, about a prince and a princess who fell in love and lived happily ever after. When he was very young, he used to think it was written just for Jean and him.
He sat in a chair and listened to Kaeya read the book, and when he was done, Klee had finally started to settle down. So much energy for one tiny person.
Before she fully dozed off, she looked over at Diluc, "Are you not sick anymore?"
Diluc bit his lip. That was tough to answer. He was sitting in Kaeya's room, instead of his own, that he had refused to leave for weeks, that had to be an improvement. On the other hand, he couldn't stop the nightmares, the pain, the fear that came with them, as well as the anxiety. He'd had them under better control, but they were still very overwhelming. He could hardly remember most of this past day, because he had shut down instead of dealing with the emotions.
"I'm getting better." He said, "I'm sorry I've kept Kaeya away from you for so long."
"Big Brother Kaeya is the best at scaring away monsters, maybe he can help you scare away the ones in your dreams!"
That made it sound like the simplest thing in the world, the innocence behind it so pure.
Diluc nodded, "He does. He helps me a lot, and he's a very good brother."
"Alright you two," Kaeya laughed, but Diluc could hear the other emotions laced in it, "Neither of you are getting more cookies! It's time to get some rest, Klee, that way you'll have some energy for tomorrow, too."
Klee snuggled down into the bed, "Goodnight, Kaeya. Goodnight Mister Weird Grown Up." With that, she was asleep.
Diluc and Kaeya snuck out of the room, leaving the door open a crack, so they could hear if Klee needed something. Kaeya seated himself in one of the chairs in the nook, and Diluc looked out into the main part of the house. Part of him said it was too much, and wanted to run back into his room and stay there again, he could feel the anxiety and tension in his shoulders. The other part of him fought that first part, reminding him that this was his home and he was going to be ok.
Kaeya had come to stand next to him, making sure Diluc knew he was there before putting a hand on his shoulder, "Are you okay? You can go back to your room, if you need to." Kaeya suggested.
Diluc looked at his hands where he was clinging to the railing, and took deep breaths, grounding himself, "I-I'm fine." He said, finally looking up at his brother.
The bluenette looked a little ragged. Dark circles under his glossed over eyes, well, eye, he had put his eye patch back on at some point since Klee's appearance, slumped shoulders, and he just looked over-all exhausted. Diluc looked away, more guilt pulling at him.
"I'm-"
"Nope." Kaeya cut him off, "Diluc, please don't be sorry for me being here. I've told you, you are my brother, this is exactly where I should be." He said, ever the Diluc-reader.
"But you haven't been taking good enough care of yourself. It won't do you any good to get sick, Kaeya." Diluc argued back.
Kaeya shrugged and waved it off, "I just need to catch up on sleep, really. Adelinde has been keeping me well-fed.g
Diluc slumped into one of the chairs and closed his eyes. He heard Kaeya sit in the chair next to him. They sat quietly, neither of them moving.
~xxxxxxxxxx~
Jean felt like she was going to explode. First, she fell asleep at her desk, as if that wasn't bad enough, it was right at Klee's bedtime. Because those two things weren't enough, she couldn't find Klee anywhere. Therefore, she was tired, worried beyond belief, and wanted to cry.
She had every one of the Knights searching the building, and she was just leaving to ask the city guards if any of them had seen her, when Dawn landed on the closest wall and chirped at Jean. As she approached, Dawn held out her leg slightly, there was a note tied to it.
"For me?" She asked, the bird chirped again.
Jean read the note, and let out a sigh of relief. In Diluc's handwriting were the words "She's here." She ran back into the building, let Lisa know that Klee was found, and hurried out the door, not caring that she was alone.
It was after two in the morning when she arrived at the winery. Adelinde let her in, she was a little upset that Klee had slipped past her that evening, Jean understood it perfectly. The maid led her up the stairs, where Diluc and Kaeya were asleep in chairs. Her heart leapt to see Diluc out of his room. Last she had heard, he was still refusing to do so.
Kaeya stirred straight away, barely opening his eye, then sitting up straight, "Jean, you made it… alone?"
"Ah, yes. I didn't want to drag anyone else out in the middle of the night," she said.
Although she had been quiet, her voice roused Diluc, and he slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. To her surprise, he rose from the chair and gently took her hand.
"Jean, I'm glad you made it here alright. Did you not bring any Knights with you?"
"No, as I was just telling Kaeya, it's very late, and I was fine." She gave him a soft smile. He seemed to be doing well.
"You look very tired. Klee is already asleep, and as you said, it's late. You should stay, we'll get the guest room ready for you."
He had already begun to move towards the extra rooms before Jean had the chance to protest, but Adelinde stopped him, "The room is already prepared, Master Diluc. I wasn't sure if you might like Miss Klee to be moved to the guest bed, as well?" She smiled.
"I think that would be the best way for me to keep an eye on her." Jean agreed. That child could be awfully slippery, just like the fish she was always blowing up.
Kaeya stood and stretched, "I'll move our Spark Knight."
Adelinde put an arm out to direct Jean. Diluc held up a hand to stop her, "I know you've been up all day and night, please get some rest. Thank you for getting everything ready."
The maid simply smiled and nodded, then headed off to her own room.
Jean turned to look Diluc over. He did look a little better than when she had last seen him, but she hadn't had much opportunity to visit, only the one time with Barbara. Kaeya had let her know that the redhead had been having fewer attack, was eating more, and sleeping just a little better. In her opinion, it showed. He still looked very tired, still had that "ill" look about him, but he did have more color, especially one other than green, and his eyes were just a little less sad.
He had been standing close-by with the usual shyness she found endearing, when he cleared his throat.
"Kaeya had told me you would be visiting today, I hope this won't change that." He sounded nervous, as if she would take off running at any moment.
She let out a small laugh, "I'll punish Klee when we return to the Knights building, but… she really has been missing Kaeya terribly, and Albedo and I have both been very tied up with Knights business. That's left her with Lisa quite a bit, and as much as I love our Librarian, spending that much time with her is probably a worse influence than being around Kaeya."
Jean knew Diluc had some dealings with the illustrious and flirty Favonius Librarian. When she first noticed Diluc's return, she walked straight over to him, and let him know how much Jean had missed him, then suggested something that made the both of them turn the same color as Diluc's hair.
Kaeya came out of his room carrying a bundle of something blonde, all wrapped up in the sheets.
"I was able to untangle her from the blanket, but I gave up on the sheet. She can keep it!" He said in an exasperated whisper as he carried her to Jean's room.
Jean laughed and turned back to Diluc, just in time to catch his small smile. The one that brought out his dimples. She wasn't exactly one of the many, many women in Mondstadt who stopped everything they were doing to stare dreamily at the "most eligible bachelor", but he certainly did have a smile that could melt a person.
"Thank you, for letting me know she was here, and for letting us stay for the night." She said softly as she started towards the room.
"Of course, Jean. Goodnight."
She turned and walked backwards for a moment, giving Diluc a small wave and a bright smile before turning back around, "Goodnight, Diluc."
Chapter 15
It was only a moment before Kaeya came back and sat next to Diluc, who looked his brother over. He felt a pang of guilt for how tired Kaeya looked, he knew he had a lot to do with that. He knew the day had passed in something of a fog, and he hadn't been very responsive. His head still felt like it had cotton ruffling around in there, right next to the daggers.
"You're out here." Kaeya said.
Diluc nodded.
"And you are okay?"
"I'm…" Maybe not completely, but he was dealing with the nervousness as it came, he gave another nod, and it seemed Kaeya understood. "You should get some sleep. You are going to have a busy day tomorrow. I doubt Klee will settle for anything less."
"Ah, yes. She'll be up bright and early, no matter how late she stayed up." He looked at Diluc, "Do you want to talk about your dream?"
Diluc let his head fall to the back of the chair, and looked up at the intricate ceiling tiles. He really didn't, but these were things that were stuck in his head forever. He would admit that talking to his brother about other things had helped, but he wasn't sure that he was ready to talk about this. What he had already accidentally told Kaeya about it was hard enough to deal with as it was.
"I can't, not yet." His eyes stung, and it felt like someone had stacked bricks on his chest.
"Alright, whatever you need, Diluc."
He nodded one last time, then waved a hand towards Kaeya and his room, "I need you to rest."
Kaeya stood, "You should try to get more sleep, too."
"I'm going to." His body was working on shutting itself down, anyway. "Goodnight."
~xxxxxxxxxx~
Diluc woke to the sound of light footsteps making their way quickly across the floor, followed closely by heavier ones. He ignored it and rolled over, not ready to get up.
It was a while later, with a knock on his door, that he knew he no longer had a choice.
"Hm?" He grunted, not moving or opening his eyes.
He could tell by how they moved that it was Adelinde who stepped into the room, "Good morning, Master Diluc. Brunch will be ready soon. Where would you like it?"
Diluc slowly sat up, wincing at his sore muscles. After he fell back to sleep, he'd rested quite soundly, but now his muscles protested after several hours of not being used. Adelinde looked happier than she had lately, it was nice to see.
He glanced at the door, "I'm going to try downstairs. It will take me a few minutes to get ready." After last night, surely he could do this.
Adelinde nodded, "It will be good to see you at the table." She said as she left.
It didn't take him long to get dressed. The hardest part was brushing out his hair until it only stuck out in a few directions, the rain always made it curl up, and fighting to get it all into the hair tie.
This time, he only paused in front of the door for a moment, not giving himself the chance to change his mind. The sight beyond the now open door is what really urged him through; Jean, leaning against the railing, waiting for him. To him, that was breathtaking.
"Good morning, Diluc." She smiled.
He preferred it when she dropped the formality of his title, "Good morning, Jean."
"OHHH ARCHONS NOOOOO! You got me!" Kaeya yelled from somewhere downstairs before there was a squeak, then the running started again.
"I hear the children are awake." He said.
"Oh yes, they got up hours ago." Jean laughed and held out her hand, "Would you join me for breakfast?"
He took her outstretched hand, her skin was warm and made his own tingle, as always.
"I'd love to." He really would, but going downstairs seemed daunting.
They turned towards the stairs, Jean took a step, but he hesitated, anxiety creeping up. Jean noticed immediately and came close to him, without invading his space
"Have you been downstairs yet?" She asked gently.
He shook his head no, and was a little embarrassed by the small tremor in his hands that he knew she must be able to feel.
She pulled their connected hands close to her chest and covered them with her free hand, "Take your time. I won't let go."
"Alright." He'd made it out of the room, he could do this.
On any normal day, going down the stairs was exactly that, and it wasn't unusual for him to bound run them, much like he was always in trouble for as a kid. Right now, and completely out of his control, a dizzying array of ridiculous scenarios of what would happen when he got to the first floor was playing through his mind.
Sure, he knew any of the things his brain was pushing into his thoughts weren't going to happen, but that didn't stop those thoughts from weaving themselves into a blanket of anxiety and wrapping itself into his skull.
Diluc hadn't realized they had taken the last step, and was just standing there, staring at nothing. It was like his mind had blanked out, until Jean stepped in front of him, talking to him. The blood was still rushing in his ears, making it difficult to understand her at first, but Jean was also a calming sight. He focused on her, that's what she was encouraging him to do.
Nothing had happened, they were simply standing in a different room, inside the same house with nobody but friends and family. He felt the tension start to leave his shoulders, just a little, and he came to realize that he was squeezing Jean's hand too tightly and immediately let go.
"I'm sorry…"
"You weren't hurting me." Jean smiled.
"Are you gonna kiss now? Miss Lisa says that when you're a grown up and like each other enough to hold hands, then you can kiss." Klee said, drawing Diluc and Jean's attention to their audience.
Diluc and Jean's faces were turning red from embarrassment, while Kaeya was failing to hold back a laugh.
"Maybe you should go hold hands upstairs." The bluenette giggled.
Diluc's mouth fell open and Jean hid her face in her hands.
"Too much time with Lisa. Both of them," she said.
~xxxxxxxxxx~
Kaeya was pleased with the amount of embarrassment his comment produced for the overly-awkward redhead and blonde. More than anything, he was happy to see Diluc, not only out of his room, but downstairs. He had stopped chasing Klee to watch him come down the steps. Kaeya could tell that it wasn't easy for him, and even after making it down, his brother remained very tense. He wasn't surprised that it was Jean who had managed to make it happen.
The first time Kaeya had gone back to Mondstadt, he had asked Lisa to look up any information on things that may help Diluc. The librarian had found a book with information about possible ways to help people with traumatic stress. Some things mentioned in the book were talking with someone you trust, outdoor activities or being in nature, and spending time with those you care about.
Diluc keeping himself trapped in his own room was far from healthy, but he was slowly starting to pull himself away from that. Kaeya could have cried, seeing Diluc out of his room last night. He definitely couldn't say he was happy with Klee's decision to come out to the winery, on her own, and in the middle of the night, but at least something good came of it. Seeing Diluc and Jean's linked hands, maybe two good things.
Kaeya was hoping that after breakfast, he might be able to get Diluc to go outside with them. Klee wanted to go fish blasting, which he'd have to convince Jean to let the tiny pyro user do, and he planned to ask Diluc to come along. He had to admit, he was very worried about asking too much of his brother, but he had taken a few large steps in just the past twelve hours, perhaps he'd be able to take a few more, and move forward in his healing.
Food was soon brought out, and before Jean and Diluc could seat themselves apart from each other, Kaeya plopped Klee into one seat, and himself into the one right next to her, leaving the two chairs across from them for the other two.
At first, Diluc looked like he might run at any moment, but he soon relaxed into the meal he was sharing with loved ones.
"Mister Weird Grown Up?"
"Klee! I've told you that's not how to address him." Jean warned.
"Oh, ok. Master Weird Grown Up, you have a pyro Vision too, were you very old when you got yours?"
"Not very old, no. I was seven."
"I remember when you got it, even though I was very young. You made your father bring you over just so you could show me." Jean said, smiling, "It was so cute."
"Wow!" Klee exclaimed, her wide eyes turning to Jean, "You used to be a kid too?!"
Even Diluc let out a soft snort at that one, earning a kick from the blonde next to him.
With brunch finished, it was time to set Kaeya's small plan in motion. It was delicate, aiming for something between not pushing his brother, but encouraging him.
"I was thinking, we could take Klee to the shore out back, let her enjoy the water for a while. We could pack up some snacks and have a picnic together."
It almost looked like Diluc had stopped breathing as he took in Kaeya's words, the only slightly subtle "we" he had thrown out there while looking straight at Diluc. The redhead's eyes moved in the direction of the front door, without actually looking at it. Some of these behaviors were new, so unlike Diluc, and Kaeya was still trying to learn what each one meant. Kaeya knew Diluc could suffer from anxiety at times, heavy mood swings when those he loved were in danger, and he'd even seen him break down when talking about their father. He'd never seen him be in fear of leaving his home, or his room. Although the redhead had a pale complexion and had to wear excessive amounts of clothes and sun protection, he loved to be outdoors.
There was a gasp from next to Kaeya, "Are there fish in there?! I could do some fish blasting!"
Jean's eyes widened at that, but she managed not to say anything, focusing on Diluc instead.
Diluc was quiet, even though Kaeya had tried not to get his hopes up, his heart sank a little, "Ah, well, Klee-"
"I'll go." Diluc finally answered.
Kaeya studied his face for a moment, he was definitely nervous for his decision, his breathing had already picked up a little, and his jaw was clenching, "Diluc, I don't want to force you. You don't have to go." He needed to make sure.
"I want to." He said quickly, then looked at Kaeya, "I need to at least try."
"I'll hold your hand!" Klee said, "Kaeya and Albedo always hold my hand when I'm scared to do something. Kaeya says 'When you lend someone your courage, it helps people to find their own", and it always helps me be stronger."
Kaeya wasn't surprised Klee had picked up on Diluc's problem, he reached over and ruffled her hair. While the anxiety was still there, there was a look of fondness on Diluc's face, and a small smile tugging at his lips.
"Alright, let's get ready, then." Kaeya smiled.
Chapter 16
He watched quietly as Klee, Kaeya and Jean picked out some snacks to take outside, and put them in the picnic basket. To say he was anxious was an understatement, and again, he didn't understand why. He was tired of it being out of his control, this was extreme, and it was exhausting. It should be easy to go outside.
"Diluc?"
Kaeya was looking at him expectantly, patiently. He had been so patient, and he didn't have to be.
"Hm?" He had missed what Kaeya was saying, apparently to him.
"What would you like to bring?"
"Oh, um… crackers and cheese will be fine for me."
Jean raised an eyebrow at him, but Kaeya put his hands on his hips, "Are you sure? You didn't eat much earlier." The serious look didn't match his loose, sleeveless floral shirt, swimming shorts, and wide brimmed hat.
Kaeya would make a great parent someday, "I'll eat more at dinner, the snack will hold me over." He hoped he wasn't making a promise he couldn't keep.
Kaeya's judging gaze lingered for a moment, Klee ran up to him with an entire jar of pickles.
"Can I have these?" She begged.
"Uh, I'm not sure that you need that many pickles." He grabbed a container, and Klee protested.
"But I really like pickles!"
"I'll tell you what, we can either bring two pickles, or no pickles." Kaeya bargained.
Klee scuffed her feet, "Ohhh, okay. Two pickles."
Diluc found Klee adorable, as well as her bond with Kaeya. He was happy that his brother had found people, and he felt bad that he was currently keeping him away from them. He was trying hard to improve, which is why he is going with them.
He needed to be in control of his body and mind. He needed to be better.
"Come on, Klee. Let's go get your clothes changed." Jean said, the tall blonde leaving with the mini one.
"Other than her dirty outfit, she doesn't have clothes here…" Diluc turned to Kaeya, confused.
"Hillie was headed to town this morning anyway, I asked her to pick up some clothes for Klee and Jean." Kaeya smiled, "Sometimes she can go through clothes like crazy. Burns, mud, there was that weird slime once. I never figured out what that was."
Oh, that made sense, and he wasn't surprised she went through a lot of clothes, she was an active child. He had been too, Adelinde was an expert at removing dirt, grass, and blood stains. When he would accidentally burn an outfit, it simply gained a fancy patch, or decoration. They could have afforded to buy more clothes, but Crepus didn't like being wasteful.
A few minutes later, Jean and Klee returned, dressed up in summer clothes. A swim outfit for Klee, and a yellow dress with dandelions, and fluffy sleeves that went part way down her arms, with material that flowed freely when she walked. Diluc liked Jean's summer clothes. He found himself staring, he also felt a little overdressed compared to the others, but he wasn't ready to scare Klee with his array of cuts and scars.
Kaeya, who was watching Diluc's reaction, smirked and closed up the basket, "Are we ready to go?"
"Hm? Oh…" Diluc snapped out of his daze, "I have to grab something. I'll be right back."
He went to the dining room, and under the stairs, leaned up against the desk and piles of books, was his claymore. He quickly strapped on the baldric, then the sword. While using those muscles still pulled on the healing injuries and the newer stitches in his arm, the weight felt good, and familiar. It also helped him feel just a little more secure.
When he went back to the kitchen, Kaeya's eyebrows shot up, but he didn't say anything. Diluc was standing at the kitchen door, looking at it, with the others waiting behind him. What could possibly happen right now? Probably nothing, but knowing that didn't stop the anxiety. He had gone for one walk outside after he was released from the cathedral, and it was part of what had set off the panic attack that had him not wanting to leave his room. That was before he remembered how he was taken.
Ridiculous, that was how he felt. What was his problem? Many people had it far worse than he did. He was acting like a young child who couldn't get over a nightmare, but life is a nightmare, isn't it? He felt nauseous, but he stepped forward and opened the door.
Unlike yesterday, it was sunny and bright, with birds chirping and crystal flies fluttering around. He stepped out, even under the small porch the sun was almost unbearably bright, for someone who hadn't been around more light than what came from a window for… a while. The area around this door was clear, and it was easy to see around the courtyard and beyond.
When he stepped fully out into the world, Dawn chirped happily at him from the roof before flying down. He stretched out his arm by habit, letting her land. The large bird looked over at the others exiting the house, and made a sound at each of them, as if saying hello.
Jean smiled, "Hello, Dawn. Thank you for your help last night." She told the bird as she rubbed just under her beak.
"Wow!" Klee said in a loud whisper, "She's so pretty! I've seen her before, talking to Big Brother Kaeya!"
Diluc lowered himself down to one knee, "Dawn, this is Klee." He introduced, and Dawn looked at the small girl for a moment before giving her a chirp of acceptance.
"You can pet her, Klee. Very gentle, right on the back of her head, with your hand flat." With how wild Klee could be, he was pleased that she was very careful to follow his instructions.
When he stood, Dawn moved to perch on his shoulder. He felt safer with her there. He was hyperaware of their surroundings, could see every movement around them, could smell every vine, could hear every noise. The trees rusting in the breeze, and the birds' songs seemed loud after being away from it, but it was a sound he had missed.
They started to move slowly, letting him get comfortable, and process. As Klee had promised, she held his hand, proudly giving him her courage. He made it, all the way out the courtyard's side gate, past the employee houses, down to the water. Instead of setting up at the larger shore access, they went down the small path to the right. The water there was a little more shallow, and just a bit warmer.
Instead of the small tree on one side of the path, Kaeya laid out the blanket on the other side. At this angle, they could easily see, have easy access to Klee in the water, and Diluc could see the winery. He turned and gave Kaeya a small smile and nod. He appreciated the thought.
Dawn took off to fly circles above them, and perch in the nearby trees. Klee immediately splashed into the water, and the big blue-haired kid waded in after her. Diluc found the mountain water to be too cold, a shock to his system, giving the effect of having drank something cold too quickly, but when you are a kid or a cryo user, it never mattered. Even after he had his Vision, he would dive right in, he just had to be watched, so that his temperature wouldn't get too low. He didn't have enough sense to get out on his own. It was the same for Klee.
Jean sat next to him and pulled out the cheese and crackers, put a piece of each together and started handing them to Diluc as she made them. That was one way to get him to eat, he supposed.
Klee chased the fish around, since her backpack had been left at the house, splashing around and scaring them away. At one point, she sat down, as still as she could, and waited for them to come to her. The problem was, she would get bored and start kicking her feet to spray water as Kaeya. By the time he dragged her away from the water, the bluenette was soaked through.
Once Klee was wrapped tightly in a towel, they sat and ate their snacks. Diluc already felt like he was going to burst from Jean handing him cracker after cracker to eat.
They spent a few hours, well into the afternoon, enjoying their time. Diluc still frequently scanned everything around them, but he was far more relaxed. Eventually, Jean announced that it was time to go in and change, so they could get back to Mondstadt. Klee and Kaeya both pouted this time, Diluc wanted to, but his reasonable side told him that she couldn't stay forever. They packed up everything, and headed back to the house.
He wondered, would he feel safer coming outside now? Maybe he could try going back to working at the tavern some evenings. That was where he got quite a bit of his information about things that he would take care of in the middle of the night.
When they were almost there, it was discovered that the blanket had been folded, set aside and forgotten. Diluc had trailed behind everyone else, a little lost in his thoughts. Feeling brave, he offered to go back for it while they took care of Klee. Jean and Kaeya hesitated.
"I'll be fine." He insisted, and turned to go.
He repeated that all the way to the blanket, grabbed it, and looked around. He felt uneasy, but it was different. He felt like he was being watched. After a moment, he chalked it up to being alone outside for the first time in a while, mixed with his anxiety.
When he was by the employee cottage, Dawn let out a noise that put Diluc on alert instantly, the blanket was dropped and his sword drawn. Not even a second later, he was blocking the blow from another claymore. The force of it caught him off guard, and he stumbled backward, catching himself just in time to dodge another swing. The laugh that followed brought up every bit of panic Diluc had managed to push down.
He blocked more blows by reflex and instinct. When his back hit the lamp post, he got a better look at his attacker. Dottore wasn't just here to take him again, he was angry.
"Why can't you just cooperate for once, hm?" He said in an overly calm voice, taking another swing that splintered the post, "Where are my journals?"
Even if he had any idea what the insane doctor was talking about, Diluc still had nothing to say to this man. Right now he was focusing on finding an opening, and letting himself be overwhelmed by anxiety.
"It's your fault they were taken!" Dottore screamed.
Another wide swing, and a laugh.
"We'll have to start all over. I will kill you and bring you back, only to do it again, and again." The doctor said, his voice suddenly calm.
The man pushed forward and swung again.
"I will hear you scream to my heart's content. Your skin will please me." He laughed wildly.
Diluc couldn't quite block or dodge the next swing, it left a slice across his thigh. It stung, but he ignored it, he wouldn't go back. He couldn't.
Dawn dove in, narrowly avoiding a swing, Diluc took the opportunity to draw power from his Vision and sent a quick wave of fire in the doctor's direction, making him dodge mid-swing. It wasn't enough, Dottore recovered quickly, while grumbling about not having his abominations near, thanks to the Tsaritsa. The man brought up a hand, and white began to swirl around it.
A streak of blue came out of nowhere, and barreled into Dottore, knocking him to the ground, but not before he had directed the frost energy to the person flying at him. Diluc watched in horror as Kaeya hit the side of the cottage and fell to the ground, unmoving.
He saw red and lunged forward, Dottore was the one on defense now, trying to block the powerful blows that Diluc sent his way, one after another. As he swung, he took power from his Vision again, sending flames along the edge of the sword. Anger like he hadn't felt in years washed through him, fueling him.
Dottore managed a few swings, a couple made it through, the tip of his sword slicing into Diluc's skin, his arm, and his side, but Diluc didn't stop. The doctor switched tactics, in a last ditch effort, he drew on his own power, the small flecks of ice swirling around his entire body now, lifting him from the ground as the energy built.
It was but a split second Dottore had taken to pull out this attack, but it was long enough. Diluc screamed and plunged his sword into the man's chest. Diluc looked straight into the man's eyes and watched the life drain from them.
Diluc's eyes watered as he watched Dottore fall to the ground, his blood seeping into the grass. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably, and his legs were about to give out, but he stumbled his way over to his brother, who still hadn't moved. He could hear Jean calling his name, and himself calling Kaeya.
Then he was falling, and the world around him went dark.
Chapter 17
Jean was happy, and more-over, relaxed for once. The day was going so nicely, but she knew it would have to come to an end. She had been busy enough that she shouldn't have taken a day to begin with, but she couldn't regret it as she watched Klee and Kaeya playing in the water, and Diluc outside at all. He'd come far. His pain would never be gone, he would have relapses, but he was opening back up.
She was the one who had set the blanket aside, and overlooked it. She should have insisted that she be the one to go back and get it, but she was very proud of Diluc for volunteering. Another big step.
It took some work for Kaeya and Jean to wrangle Klee back inside and up the stairs, the girl was very tired, and didn't want to return home, but Jean was able to nudge her into the room after what seemed like a lifetime. Kaeya stopped at his own room to change.
The second Jean heard the first clank of swords, she was out the bedroom door with her own weapon in hand, only to have Kaeya stop her.
"Keep them all safe!" He yelled as he hurtled himself down the stairs.
"What's going on?" Came Klee's small voice from behind her.
Jean didn't know, nothing good, "Nothing to worry about. Go ahead and finish changing your clothes." She said, pushing Klee back into the room.
As she closed the curtains, she heard footsteps approaching the door, and she held her sword at the ready.
"Miss Gunnhildr?" Adelinde's voice came, urgent.
She quickly let her in, "Who else is inside the house right now?" She asked.
"It's ok, Master Diluc has a safety plan for employees in case of any issues." She reassured, "I'll stay here with you, but everyone else is safe."
Jean looked out the window, checking on the situation. She had assumed this had something to do with Dottore, and there he was, trading blows with Diluc. She couldn't see Kaeya from where she was, but he should have been down there by now.
Jean had to work not to run down and join the fight when she saw Dottore surrounding himself with what looked like frost, but not even the blink of an eye later, the doctor had a large red sword lodged in his chest.
"Watch over Klee, please!"
She passed through the house and outside in what felt like a blur and forever all at the same time. As she got closer, she could see Diluc stumbling away from Dottore's body, towards the small house.
"Diluc!"
He didn't hear her? She wasn't that far away, "Diluc!-" She gasped as what he was trying to get to came into view. Kaeya was laying on the ground, blood matting his hair.
Diluc had just reached his brother when he fell to his knees and collapsed next to him. Jean skidded to her knees next to them. She could see that Diluc was breathing, and quickly felt his pulse. Knowing he was ok for the moment, she moved to Kaeya. Looking closer, she could see his back rising and falling, and she found a pulse. She didn't want to move him and risk further injury, but she could see some blood dripping slowly away from his side. He stirred when she touched it.
"Kaeya, it's Jean. I'm just checking your injuries, and I need you to stay still. Please don't move."
He didn't give any sign that he understood her, but it seemed like he was unconscious again. She quickly pulled any weapons away from Dottore's body. With him, there was no way to know that he wouldn't jump back up and kill them all.
Dawn had landed next to Diluc, chirping to get his attention, and nibbling on his clothes when that didn't work. Jean couldn't help but wonder how many times that same thing had happened before. She put it out of her mind, as she approached. She reached into Diluc's pants pocket, the one she knew he kept the small pieces of paper and pencil in, she would take the time to be embarrassed about that later. As Jean wrote out the note, and Dawn willingly held out her leg to attach it to. As soon as Jean said cathedral, Dawn took flight, and was gone.
It would take time to get help here, the brothers needed to be attended to much sooner. She went to the well by the small house and pulled up the rope, cutting off a length. She rolled Dottore onto his stomach, pulled his arms behind his back, and bound them before wrapping the rope down his legs down to his ankles, and tied it off tightly.
As soon as this was done, she ran to the house, Adelinde was already waiting at the door.
"I could see from the house that he's been stopped, Diluc and Kaeya?" The head maid dropped the formalities.
"Both hurt. I've already sent a note to Mondstadt, but we need something to carry these two on, and some help."
Without a word, Adelinde turned and disappeared into the house. Jean hurried back down to sit with her friends. Diluc was weakly trying to push himself up, not managing to get himself more than an inch off the ground.
"Diluc, please don't move." She said, stopping herself from putting her hand on his back. As long as he didn't acknowledge her presence, she didn't know that touching him wouldn't scare him. He didn't respond, and he didn't stop moving.
"Diluc, it's Jean. Try not to move for me, ok? Help is coming."
It took a few more tires, but he finally stopped.
"J- Jean?"
"Yes. It's Jean. You are hurt, please don't move."
He moved his hand towards her just a little, she took it, careful to watch his reaction.
"Kae-?" He whimpered the name.
"He's hurt, but he's ok."
"D- 'torre…"
"He's dead. I checked. He's dead, Diluc." She said, squeezing his hand.
Diluc let out a half sob, half sigh before he went still again.
Chapter 18
It took a moment for Diluc to register that his eyes were actually open, and wandering around a dimly lit room that he recognized as belonging to the cathedral infirmary. The memories of what landed him here again came back all at once, and he sat straight up in the bed.
"Kaeya?!"
"Diluc, it's ok, it's ok. He's alright."
He jerked his head towards Jean's voice, and regretted it as the room spun around him.
"D-Dottore, he..."
Jean gently put her hand on his arm, "Kaeya has a concussion and an injured side, but he's going to be fine. He's asleep right now."
She pointed past Diluc, where Kaeya was laying. The bluenette mumbled something, as if in response.
"He got hurt saving me…" Diluc whispered.
"I bet he'd do it again, exactly the same."
Diluc knew that was true, but he didn't want his brother getting hurt even more, just because of him. He'd done enough of that already.
"You and Klee are alright?"
Jean nodded, "The rest of us came out of this without a scratch. We're all fine, and Dottore is dead."
Diluc sunk back into the pillows, and covered his face. Dead. He's dead. No more hurting me, no more touching me. No hurting the people I love. He can't. He's dead. Gone.
"Get some sleep, Diluc. Let your body heal." Jean said quietly, then started humming.
When she sang, Diluc couldn't help but sink into it. It was so soft, and comforting. It helped push whatever was wrong away for a time, and eased his mind of the pain and suffering it liked to grasp onto.
He let it lull him to sleep.
~xxxxxxxxxx~
"I'm fine, I don't need to stay here."
"Yes, you do, just for a little longer."
"It's not that bad. I can walk."
Fine my a- "Just do what they say, Kae." Diluc mumbled sleepily, having been woken up by the small argument.
"But I said I'm-"
"Don't you say fine!" Barbara said, Diluc didn't have to look to know she had one hand on a hip and one pointing at the stubborn man in the next bed, "I wouldn't call nearly twenty puncture wounds fine!"
Now he'd done it. Kaeya had incurred the wrath of Barbara. Diluc wouldn't be surprised if sedatives happened to lace the bluenette's next drink, and to think that Kaeya complains about him trying to get out of bed. She was right, he was in no condition to be getting out of bed. Luck had been on Kaeya's side -literally- and the punctures weren't that deep, there were just many. His concussion is what needed to be watched by a professional right now.
"You two are more alike than you think. Neither of you can just behave," she said.
Kaeya let out an offended gasp, "Don't you say that, I behave way better than him!"
Diluc snorted before he could stop himself, "You can't be serious." This bickering felt nice. Familiar. He was actually enjoying it.
"Oh, but I am-"
"Ok, that's enough from both of you. You'll both rest, that way you can both get out of here and stop annoying the nurses." Barbara finished firmly.
Both men stopped arguing at once. It was amazing how shy she could be, right up until she meant business, then she was scarier than Jean.
She gave each of them a look that said everything they needed to know, "Lay down. Go to sleep." She commanded before she left.
~xxxxxxxxxx~
Diluc had been deemed fit enough to return home. His injuries were fairly minor, a couple of deep cuts and several small ones. Having some lingering dizziness, Kaeya had endured another day of observation before they were willing to let him out of their sight.
Diluc stayed at the infirmary, until his brother was released. He didn't mind staying to make sure Kaeya did what he was told, but another problem was creeping up on him, anxiety.
It wasn't as bad as before, but it lingered, especially because of the nightmares that wouldn't go away. He remembered killing Dottore, and Jean had confirmed as much. She told him how she had tied up his body, not taking any chances. Ultimately, everything was documented, and she had to hand the body over to the Fatui diplomats staying in Mondstadt. Apparently, they didn't seem surprised, but still cried outrage. Il Dottore's reputation was not a good one in any circle.
Diluc was getting better, he knew that was the important part. Knowing that Dottore wasn't going to kidnap him again helped him feel more ready to get out there again, but he doubted that he would truly be comfortable being outside any time soon. He hoped it was something that would pass as time went on.
Kaeya was coming back out to the winery to stay, since he wasn't allowed to work anyway. The bluenette had been looking forward to getting back to work, but it wasn't going to happen for the next couple of weeks. Jean promised him that if he took it easy and showed no signs of problems, that he could come back onto light duty. That only got Kaeya whining about being stuck in his office with paperwork.
Diluc had decided that the best way to get back out there, was to just get back out there. With Dottore gone, being out in the open was becoming normal again, and easier to deal with. He planned on starting small, going to work an evening at the tavern a couple of times a week. If that went well, he'd start going out at night again. He just wanted to make sure his city, and everyone in it was safe.
He'd make sure to be ready.
~xxxxxxxxxx~
Kaeya saw the change in Diluc, and it seemed to get better each day. His brother was still having nightmares, and he was still nervous even when just walking around the house, or outside, but he wasn't keeping himself locked away. That alone was a huge improvement.
Not that he wasn't enjoying all the time he was spending with his brother, but he had been looking forward to returning to work upon Diluc getting better. It was the normalcy of it, the routine, and coming back into familiar territory. Unfortunately, his skin wasn't immune to ice shards. While many of the holes those shards made needed stitches, none of them were all that deep, or very large. They sure stung, though.
It was his head that was causing the problem. He remembered hitting the side of the cottage, then waking up at the cathedral, having no idea what century it was. The headache and dizziness were lingering, but that was subsiding more each day. He'd had to strike a deal with Jean to let him come back to work in two weeks, if he took it easy and healed, and if Diluc was well enough.
Diluc told him that he was going to start working at the tavern again soon. He seemed determined, but Kaeya would keep a close eye on him. He was worried about the redhead going back out and doing dangerous things. Dottore had used the information network, that even Kaeya wasn't supposed to know Diluc sometimes worked with, to lure his brother out. Just because this wasn't because of Diluc's Dark Knight Hero activities, it didn't make Kaeya any less nervous.
He still had to find a way to confront his brother about this. For Kaeya, it had finally been confirmed who this Dark Night Hero was, when the vigilante seemed to have disappeared for the last few weeks. He had decided that he would follow Diluc, keep an eye on him in case he needed help, and not interfere for now. It did make him a little angry, though. He felt like Diluc didn't trust him.
Diluc had finally decided to open up about the rest of what he had remembered from his last round with Dottore, Kaeya understood why he may have blocked out certain parts. After a particularly harsh nightmare, Diluc had also spoken about the parts he had left out from his previous experiences. It was what Kaeya had already suspected. He felt ill, as he listened to Diluc try to work his way through it.
He still felt helpless at times like these. There was nothing he could do to help his brother, and he felt like listening wasn't enough, yet that was all he could do. So, he would do his best to just be there.
There had been a lot of talk in Mondstadt, after people had seen Diluc being walked through the city on a stretcher, then again when both of them were a few weeks later. At first, the rumor had been that the brothers were fighting over Jean. Kaeya had never been romantically interested in Jean, but all the public eye saw was that they worked closely together, and were good friends otherwise. He always thought Diluc and Jean would have been obvious, with their awkwardness towards each other, but again, the public only saw what they wanted. The rumors of he and Diluc fighting had died out after it got around that the Fatui were involved.
Now, Kaeya would be returning tomorrow, and he felt good. He wasn't entirely sure about Diluc, if he had been getting better, or just better at hiding everything again. Kaeya wasn't sure how far talking would help with his recovery, and what had happened would be with Diluc forever. Beyond the damage that had been done by their father's death, Kaeya had an even larger understanding into who Diluc was now.
He sat down across from the redhead for breakfast. Diluc had gone back to reading the newspaper, something normal.
"How are you feeling?"
Diluc put down the paper and looked at him blankly, "You're the one who is still healing."
That was far from true.
"What, your newer wounds don't count? As I recall, you received more stitches than I did." Kaeya shot back.
"Hm."
Kaeya rolled his eyes, "I'm resuming my position at the Knights tomorrow."
"I thought you were looking forward to going back?" Diluc asked, looking concerned.
"I am! I am, it's just…" Kaeya trailed off. It wasn't really his goal to annoy Diluc with constantly asking if he needed to talk, or needed help, or for him to just hang around.
Diluc leaned forward, a small reassuring smile on his lips, "Kaeya, I'm going to be fine. I've appreciated all of your help, but it's time for me to do some healing on my own, now. I'm going to be working at the tavern tomorrow night. It's Wednesday."
Kaeya realized then, he was having trouble letting go, because he was worried. He nodded, "Ok. I'll be heading back to my apartment tonight. Diluc, promise me that you'll find me if you need me?" It would really put his mind at ease.
The redhead slowly nodded, "I will, if you do the same."
Kaeya knew the 'before you start drinking' was left unsaid, "I'll try."
He could do that, he could try.
A few notes about this story:
Explaining some of my line of thinking here...
Diluc is absolutely suffering from PTSD, and that also exacerbates his issues with depression. Where he has stamped it down before, he's now hit critical overload. It was bound to happen, I couldn't imagine going through his father's death alone, and have him come out of it without mental issues.
Kaeya doesn't acknowledge his own issues with traumatic stress and depression, because he feels like he deserves it and doesn't see it the same way. He DOES feel everything he's been through very, very deeply. He just hasn't cracked yet.
THIS Dottore is absolutely insane and grotesque. (ARCHON QUEST SPOILER): I believe that many of his clones have made other choices, and that those choices would have a different effect on each of their minds. For example, one may experiment on others only, and another might do the same, but also on himself. One might be a pervert, but the most of the others may not be. I see it as each of their individual experiences, after "creation" shapes what they have become. This particular Dottore just happens to be completely obsessed with Diluc. I hope this explanation makes sense!
