Jennie

"Am I a sex addict?" I whimper, pulling off my baby doll T-shirt and panties at lightning speed. I'm already wet. My pussy started tingling the moment Lisa picked me up on the way home from school and drove us to this remote spot in the woods.

I'm perched on the edge of the passenger seat of her car, my legs outside the door, aching and whipped up into a frenzy by the sight and smell of my illicit girlfriend, and I won't be satisfied until she's screwed me into a senseless and deliciously sore mess.

Lisa has already pulled her T-shirt off and is furiously unbuttoning her jeans, the dappled light of the forest playing over her bare shoulders. Her dark hair is falling into her eyes and all the veins are standing out on her forearms.

"If you are, I definitely am," she gasps, spreading me open and kneeling down on the ground to swipe my clit with her tongue.

I yelp with pleasure, and for once I don't bother to smother how much noise I'm making. The trees, the sky, can hear how much I want Lisa. I need someone or something to know, otherwise this secret is going to grow so big it will burst out of me.

Lisa sits up and puts her knee on the seat, her shoulders just fitting inside the car. She grasps her cock, pulls my legs around her hips, and plunges into me.

I cry out sharply, and half a dozen birds explode from the trees around us in a furious flapping of wings.

There's no space. I cling to her and the headrest of the passenger seat. The car moves as she pounds into me. I've never experienced anything hotter in my life. A cool wind blows in, and the fresh air on my naked body ratchets up the intensity.

We shouldn't be here.

We might get caught.

This is insane.

Her phone rings, and instead of ignoring the call, she pulls her phone out and glances at the screen.

And then she answers it.

I clamp my hand over my mouth before I can ask her what the hell she thinks she's doing.

"Hey, Giulia," she says, as casual as I've ever heard her.

My eyes widen and I nearly scream out loud.

She's talking to Mom?

While she's inside of me?

Lisa continues to screw me like there's nothing happening that's out of the ordinary. Every now and then, she glances down at her cock disappearing inside me and mouths, Oh, fuck yes.

I can just hear Mom's voice, but I can't tell what she's saying. "Sure, I can pick those up. Wait, you got a sec?"

Mom's reply takes a moment, and I imagine she's reciting all the things she has to do that day. She's a devotee to the cult of busy. Meanwhile, Lisa is rawing my pussy like she hasn't got a care in the world and my juices are all over her.

"Uh-huh. I just wanted to say that you're driving me crazy, but I think I'm starting to like you." She's speaking to Mom but she's staring right into my eyes the entire time. "You talk back, you're fucking stubborn. I know I drive you crazy as well, but I think you're starting to like me, too."

My eyes widen and I'm so shocked that my hands fall away from my mouth.

"No, I'm not high. You can fight me all you want but you know it's true."

"I—" I start to reply breathlessly before Lisa grins at me and I clamp both hands over my mouth again.

Shit.

Mom nearly heard me speaking to her wife in my sex voice.

"I just thought you should know," she says, watching herself drill my pussy. "Hang on, I need to put you on speaker." She taps the screen and throws the phone onto the seat behind my head.

"Where is this coming from, Lalisa?" asks Mom in a peeved voice.

If I wasn't the biggest slut in the city, I'd push Lisa off me, but I'm so addicted to what she's doing to me that even now I can't close my legs and be a lady. Push away the hottest person I've ever seen and give up this thick dick because she's speaking to her wife who also happens to be my mother?

Not happening.

Lisa takes my hand and draws it to her lips, pressing a silent kiss to my palm. "I've been thinking about it for a while. I want to do this properly."

She does?

"How close are you?" she asks.

So close, I mouth.

"I'll be home in an hour."

"Cool." Lazily, she reaches down and traces her thumb over my clit, round and around in a devastating motion, and I know I'm going to burst apart at the seams any second.

I start mouthing desperately, Hang up hang up hang up—

Lisa smirks. "I have to go. I think I hear Jennie coming."

She reaches over my head, and I hear a beep. Just in time because I come with a wail, my whole body convulsing from a powerful orgasm.

Lisa groans and pounds me harder. "Fuck yes, milk my cock, baby. You're such a horny little slut for me."

"Shut up, you crazy asshole," I whimper raggedly, hating myself already as my orgasm tails off. From bliss to paralyzing self-hatred in a matter of seconds.

"Come again and say thank you this time. Do as you're told."

My nails dig into her shoulders as I watch her screw me harder. "Go to hell."

"Say, please cream-pie my pussy."

"I'm not saying that."

"Say it or I'll video call your mother while I fuck you and show her what a cock-hungry girl she raised."

I groan at her coarse words, which are making me want to come again. "You'll lose everything."

She grins wider and reaches for her phone. "You daring me?"

Lisa seems like the sort of person to take a dare seriously. I slap the phone away. "No."

"Then say it."

I reach down between my legs and massage my middle finger over my clit. Lisa's face goes blank as she watches me, as if she's never seen anything so hot in her life. "Please cream-pie my pussy, Lisa."

"Oh, hell yes," she growls, pumping faster into me.

The drag and pull of her cock inside me is making me go insane. My clit is alive with sensation. There's sweat on Lisa's chest and her eyes are dilated and dark. Suddenly, she clamps a hand around my throat and squeezes. I'm being pressed down into the seat, completely at her mercy. Trapped between her body and the leather.

Suddenly, everything rushes up, and I fly apart into a thousand shining pieces.

Lisa is on the verge of coming when I return to earth. I reach around her cock, grab the skin of her ball sack, and twist.

She groans but doesn't stop pounding me, and I feel her come as her rhythm stutters, her body flushes red, and her head tips back.

When she opens her eyes to catch her breath, she grins lazily at me. "You little hellcat."

The sound of birdsong reaches my ears and I realize that we just fucked in the woods.

My hands are pressed against her chest, and I can't move with her big body still pinning me to the seat. "Can you let me up?"

Lisa pulls back a little but then shoves herself deep again. "Don't want to. I like my cum inside you."

"Why are you so obsessed with that?"

She looks up at me through her dark fringe of hair and pins me with her eyes. "Because it's you, Mandu."

Suddenly, I can't take a breath. I assumed she did this with every woman she slept with because it's some sort of fetish of her.

"I never know whether to trust anything that comes out of your mouth. All those things you said when Mom was on the phone . . ."

"What things? Remind me."

I fiddle with the seam of the leather seat. "That you want to do this properly."

"This is me, doing things properly."

"What do you mean? There's nothing proper about secretly screwing your stepdaughter in the woods that I can see."

But Lisa just shakes her head, a mysterious smile on her lips, and slides her cock even deeper.

--

The next evening we're all supposed to go to Jessica and Tyler's for dinner, but Mom is ashen-faced and her forehead is clammy.

"I have a migraine. You and Jennie go," Mom tells Lisa as she heads for her bedroom, the tips of her fingers pressed to her forehead.

Lisa glances at me and murmurs, "Sure. I'll take Jennie."

Mom nods absent-mindedly and disappears upstairs. If she were thinking clearly, would Mom realize how strange it is for her asshole wife to agree to take her stepdaughter to a dinner without argument, knowing it won't be fun for her in any way?

Maybe. Maybe not. And I can't find myself caring too much either way. A whole evening with Lisa all to myself? I'm ecstatic. Sure, I have to share her with Jessica and Tyler, but Tyler doesn't say much, and Jessica will be fun. It might almost feel like a double date.

It's chilly outside, and Lisa and I are wearing jackets as we walk side by side down the street, neither of us rushing. Lisa is wearing a well-worn leather bomber jacket that looks so good over her white tee.

While I'm daydreaming, Lisa reaches out and captures my fingers in her.

I gasp and rip my hand away. "Don't."

Her eyes are dark and challenging "Why not?"

"You know why not. I don't have to spell it out for you." The last thing either of us needs is for whispers to get back to Mom that her wife has been seen holding her daughter's hand.

Lisa glances around and then shoves me down a side street. A narrow path leads behind a row of garden fences, lined with dandelions, and overshadowed by trees.

She holds out her palm, her eyes burning with anger. "Hold my hand, Mandu."

"Just because we think no one can see us doesn't mean it's safe."

But Lisa stays right where she is.

"Fine," I say, putting my hand in her and rolling my eyes. She grips me hard and we start walking together in the dark.

When I glance at her, her lips are twitching, and I can't help the smile that breaks over my face. The next thing I know, she's turned toward me and is kissing me as she walks me up against a fence. Kisses that are full of happiness. Full of sweetness.

I never knew that doing the worst thing in the world could taste so much like heaven.

"We're going to be late," I murmur between kisses.

"Just one more kiss." She captures my lips with her again, her tongue pushing deep into my mouth, a promise for later.

A few minutes later, my heart is beating wildly as we stand on Jessica's front doorstep two feet apart. I ring the doorbell, hoping that my reddened, just-been-kissed lips go unnoticed by my sister.

Jessica opens the door with a smile and kisses both of our cheeks.

"Mom couldn't come," I explain. "Migraine."

"Tyler can't be here, either. Never mind, I like small dinner parties better." She smiles at Lisa as she takes her jacket. "It will give me a chance to get to know you better."

Lisa frowns slightly. "Are you mocking me?"

To her credit, Jessica doesn't pretend she doesn't know what Lisa is talking about. "Some of us are friendly in this family. I promise."

Amusement hooks the corner of Lisa's mouth. "That's unexpected. Are you sure you have permission to be nice to me?"

"This is my house, and you're welcome here. Come in, I'm just finishing dinner."

We follow Jessica through to the dining room and she tells us to sit down and that we're eating right away. The table is set with five places, so I put two of them away. There's also a bowl of salad, homemade vinaigrette, and a dish of shaved parmesan.

"Can I do anything to help?" Lisa calls after her.

Jessica sticks her head around the door and points at a bottle sitting on the dining table. "You could open the wine. Thank you, Lalisa."

"She prefers Lisa, actually," I tell her.

Jessica glances from Lisa to me in surprise. "Oh, I didn't realize. Why didn't you say anything?"

"It doesn't matter," Lisa mutters, reaching for the wine.

"It does matter," I say firmly. "Jessica will remember, won't you?"

Even if it's just Jessica and I who call her by the name she prefers, it's something. It's important that she feels like herself.

"Of course, if that's what you prefer." Jessica smiles at Lisa before disappearing into the kitchen.

Lisa is winding the screw into the cork. "Why did you do that? I don't care if you're the only one who calls me Lisa."

"Because it's the person you are. I like the person you are."

She pulls the cork from the bottle with a pop. "Don't say shit like that when I can't kiss you. Wine?"

I'm not old enough, but wine is sacred in my family, and I've been allowed to have a little with dinner since I was sixteen if I want it. Usually I don't, but I feel happy tonight. I feel relaxed. In Jessica's house, I can almost pretend that Lisa is mine.

I hold my fingers up and measure three-quarters of an inch in the air. "This much, please."

Lisa pours it out and hands it to me, and then pours a bigger glass for herself.

The two of us end up standing in front of a picture of Jessica and Tyler on their wedding day, my sister radiantly beautiful in her lace wedding dress and Tyler handsome in his suit. It's a candid photo that's full of chemistry between the couple. A surprising amount of chemistry when you consider that it was an arranged marriage. Things have cooled between husband and wife since the photo was taken. When I see Tyler, which I rarely do these days, he's never affectionate with his wife. Trying and failing so many times to have a baby is driving a wedge between them.

But in this photo? He's gazing at the beautiful, smiling woman in his arms with eyes filled with adoration. What happened to all that love? Did it drain away? Burn up and blow away like ashes?

I'm hyperaware of Lisa standing by my side, her arm pressing into mine. What if I fall in love with Lisa and that happens to us? We could sacrifice everything for each other and be left with nothing to show for it.

"They look really happy," she murmurs.

"Yeah, they sure look that way," I say sadly.

Lisa glances at me sharply. "You okay, Mandu?"

I'm saved from answering by Jessica coming in holding an enormous dish of pasta, her hands covered in oven gloves. "I hope you're both hungry. I made enough for six because I thought more people were coming."

The pasta looks and tastes delicious. Chunks of ricotta cheese, toasted pine nuts, roasted cauliflower, cumin, and olive oil. Best of all, dinner is relaxed for once, the three of us chatting away about TV shows, the upcoming mayoral election, the places we've been on holiday. I keep sneaking looks at Lisa and smiling to myself as she chats with Jessica. Lisa's an entirely different person when she's not got a snarky wall up or she's not expecting someone's words to knife her in the guts. Her smiles are so beautiful that they take my breath away.

I like this person.

I like her a lot.

When Jessica's plate is almost empty, she turns to me, wine in hand. "I heard about your dinner with Kai Jongin. Is Mom insisting that you marry him?"

Instantly, a chill wind sweeps through the room.

"Mom's not insisting yet, but she keeps bringing him up. I didn't like him, and I've told her that, but she can't seem to accept it."

Every time I've walked into a room and Mom is there, it's taken her less than three minutes to bring up marriage, engagements, or so-called suitable men.

Lisa puts her water glass down hard and savagely cuts into a piece of cauliflower with the edge of her fork. "Jennie's marrying that piece of shit over my dead body."

A thrill goes through me at how angry and possessive she sounds. Jessica must pick up on it too as she watches her with a slight frown on her face. I distract her by pouring her more wine.

"Thank you, Jennie. I don't think it's a good idea for you to get married, either. You're so young, and it doesn't seem like a good match for you. Do you even like him?"

Lisa raises her head quickly to stare at me.

I feel a flush creep up my neck. Be more subtle, Lisa.

And she already knows the answer to that question.

"God, no. He gave me the creeps."

"Then that settles it," Jessica says with a little nod. "I'll talk to Mom and tell her it's not happening."

After that, Lisa starts to relax.

When the meal is over, I help Jessica take the dirty dishes to the kitchen, box up the leftovers, and scrape the plates into the bin. I lose myself in the memory of Lisa laughing at Jessica's stories about the two of us getting up to mischief when we were kids. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself at a family dinner so much.

And it's with Lisa. Despite all the sneaking around, despite the fact that what we're doing with each other is sordid and wrong on so many levels, I can't help but feel like I'm in the right place for the first time in my life.

As Jessica rinses the serving spoons, she asks, "What's up with Lisa? She's been staring at you all night."

"What do you mean what's up with Lisa?" Even before the words are out of my mouth I can hear how defensive I sound. I feel myself start to blush and I whirl away from my sister.

"Just what I said. Jennie, why have you turned around?"

I reach for a dirty plate, panic slamming through me. I thought that if anyone questioned me about the tension between me and Lisa, I would play it cool. Shrug it off and pretend not to know what they were talking about. I practiced it so many times in the shower, but now that it's really happening, my palms are sweating, and my heart is pounding.

To my surprise, Jessica gives my shoulder an affectionate punch. "Jennie Ruby Jane Kim. You've got a crush on Lisa."

I turn to face her, clutching the dirty plate like a shield. "No—I don't—I—"

Jessica waves me off and turns back to the sink. "Don't worry about it. You have to live with her, and it must be very strange and intense. And I get it. She's young and pretty sexy, and when she loosens up she's fun to be around. More like a big sister than mom's wife, right?"

I shove the dirty plate into the dishwasher. I don't know what to say to that, so I reach for a half-full water glass, intending to empty it into the sink. Water sloshes over my hand and onto the floor. My foot skids on the wet patch and the glass starts to slip from my fingers.

"Oh sh—"

A large hand appears out of nowhere, catching the glass before it can hit the tile floor and shatter. Lisa moved so fast across the room that it's like she has superpowers. She's grabbed me before I can fall, too, and she sets the glass down on the counter before helping me straighten up.

"Careful, Mandu." She strokes her hands through my hair, gazing down at my face in a way that makes my heart zoom madly around my rib cage. Dimly, I'm aware that Jessica is staring at us.

"I hope you didn't hurt yourself. Are you okay?"

I nod, still gazing up at her like a deer caught in headlights.

She tweaks my nose and in an even softer tone, she says, "Good girl."

Then she releases me and steps back. In a normal voice she announces to Jessica, "I'll say goodnight. Thank you for dinner."

"You're leaving?" I ask, as she heads into the hall and pulls on her jacket.

"Yep. You stay and have fun. Call me when you're done here, and I'll walk back and get you."

"You don't need to—"

"I said I'll come back and get you." Lisa gives me a final lingering look before opening the front door and seeing herself out.

When I turn around, Jessica is staring at the door, wide-eyed with shock.

"Oh, shit," she whispers. "It's the other way around. She has a crush on you."

I want to sink through the floor.

Disappear like melting ice.

Lisa, what the hell have you done?

Jessica turns to me. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"You've got the wrong idea," I say desperately, shaking my head. I can feel the red flush that's giving away all my secrets.

"Jennie, she called you Mandu. That's the cutest nickname I've ever heard! Has she tried to kiss you? She has kissed you, hasn't she?"

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

My face is doing all kinds of crazy things out of my control. I whirl around and pick up a stack of dirty dishes. Then I put them down again as my phone buzzes in my pocket. I take it out and see it's a text from Lisa.

Tell her. Someone should know about us, and she loves you.

That's insane. She's insane. We agreed we wouldn't tell anyone. What am I supposed to do if Jessica freaks out and tells Mom? Jessica is the only one who even talks to me, and I won't be able to bear it if she starts to hate me too.

I try to come up with a reasonable explanation for why Lisa would call me Mandu and touch my face like I'm her girlfriend, but it's too late. Jessica's already figured out everything.

I cover my eyes and hold out my phone to my sister, showing her the text from Lisa.

She gasps and grabs my phone from me. "Is this from Lisa? Tell me what?"

It's out now. I haven't got a choice. "That we're together."

I peek through my fingers at my sister. Her mouth is hanging open as she stares from me to my phone and back again.

"Why is she in your contacts as a knife emoji?"

Because she's dangerous for me, and I'm deadly for her.

"It's a reminder that one of us or both of us are going to get killed if anyone finds out about us. You won't tell Mom, will you? Our uncles will kill her. Literally kill her." I grab Jessica's wet hand, pleading with her.

Her mouth is open as she struggles for words. Grapples with this secret that she no doubt wishes she didn't know. I've put her in a terrible position, trapped between me and Mom.

Finally, she passes my phone back, grabs a dishcloth, and wipes her hands. "Come on. Lisa left us alone so we could talk. So, let's talk."

Jessica leads me back into the dining room and pours us both fresh glasses of red wine. We take them through to the living room and sit down on the sofas together.

"Tell me everything," Jessica says.

I take a deep breath.

And I do.

I don't sugarcoat anything. I make sure Jessica knows about all the things that Lisa did those first few weeks she lived with us and how much I hated her. As I continue my story, my face softens, and so does my voice. I tell her how Lisa stood up to the boys who took compromising pictures of me—though I don't say where, because I'm not ready to share Ruby with anyone else—and defended me to Mom. I tell Jessica how Lisa infuriates me and makes me laugh, and that I can't stop thinking about her.

"What does it feel like?" Jessica asks.

"What does what feel like?"

My sister plays with the edge of a cushion, her expression wistful. "For someone to have a crush on you? To feel her eyes follow you across the room and know that she's thinking about you and only you. Burning for you."

It's a question that an inexperienced little sister might ask her older sister, but Jessica is older than me and she's married. "But you know how it feels. You have Tyler."

Jessica shakes her head, misery bleeding into her eyes. "Tyler never looked and acted around me the way Lisa does around you. At least, he hasn't for a long, long time."

I don't know what to say. Jessica's usually so cheerful and positive, but I can see what an effort that's been for her lately.

Jessica takes a sip of wine and shakes her head. "Never mind. Let's not talk about me right now. Tell me how it feels."

"It feels dangerous," I say truthfully.

"What if Mom divorced her? Would you two be together?"

I let out a burst of scandalized laughter. "Whose side are you on?"

"I'm on the side of love."

"This isn't a fairy tale. This is real life."

"I'm serious. She makes you happy. No matter what Mom says, happiness is actually important for—" She breaks off, a sob in her voice and tears swimming in her eyes.

"Oh, Jessica," I murmur, taking her wine glass from her and putting both of them down. I pull her into a hug. "Are things really that bad between you and Tyler?"

Jessica lets herself cry for exactly one and a half seconds, and then she sits up and shakes her head. "Trying for a baby is messing with my head. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this about me."

I don't think it's just the frustration of trying for a baby, but I watch as Jessica visibly shuts down her emotions and changes the subject.

"I like her," Jessica says, wiping her face.

"Who?"

"Lisa, silly. She's weird and intense and it's ten kinds of fucked up . . . but she cares about you."

I imagined that if anyone found out about Lisa and me, I would have to endure a long lecture about what a stupid little girl I've been, heaping even more shame on our family name.

"Do you really think so?"

"Jennie, she didn't touch your face and call you Mandu in front of me because she was being careless. She wanted me to know so that you would have someone to confide in. Even though it could get her killed. Not many would do that."

My heart squeezes in my chest. They wouldn't, would they? But it doesn't matter how selfless and honorable it was if we're still stuck creeping around behind Mom's back.

"What am I going to do?" I whisper.

"What does Lisa want to do?"

"She says she has a plan. She wants us to be together."

Jessica's face creases like she's about to cry again. If she's getting mopey over Lisa, the least romantic person ever, things must be really bad between her and Tyler. "Did she say what the plan is?"

I shake my head. "I haven't asked. It's probably something crazy." If I had to guess, Lisa is refusing to give Mom a baby or do anything that a wife should, and she's biding her time before she kicks her out and divorces her. That way she can tell her brothers it wasn't her fault, and she tried her best. As far as plans go, it's not a great one, but it's probably all we have.

"If the shit hits the fan, you're always welcome here," Jessica offers.

"What about Tyler?"

"I'll worry about Tyler. You think about yourself and Lisa, and don't let anyone stand in your way if you believe in your heart that Lisa is the one for you."

I throw my arms around Jessica, my heart filled with love for my sister. "I don't deserve you."

"If you've found love, then hold on tight, no matter what," she whispers fiercely.

Twenty minutes later, I send Lisa a text message that I'm ready to go, and she replies that she'll be right there. Before I close my phone, I edit Lisa's contact name and add a heart next to the knife emoji. The sparkly pink heart.

A few minutes later my phone buzzes.

I'm outside.

I kiss Jessica goodnight and promise to call her if I need anything, day or night, no judgment from her. I hug her fiercely, overwhelmed by gratitude that I don't have to carry this secret alone anymore.

A surreal feeling sweeps over me as I close the front door and see Lisa standing out in the street, leaning against a lamppost with her hands in her jeans pockets. The pose is relaxed, but I sense the tension in her body. Her eyes don't leave my face as I walk toward her and stop two feet away.

This is as close as I dare approach her when anyone might be watching.

We stare at each other for a long time. Our secret's not just ours anymore. We've given up control and now someone else knows, and we can't predict what happens next.

"We feel real now," I whisper. "You and me."

A smile hooks the corner of her mouth. "You've always been real to me, Mandu." Her glimmering gaze drops to my mouth, and in a husky voice she says, "Fuck, I really want to kiss you right now."

"Me, too."

She squeezes her eyes shut and groans. "This is torture."

"Jessica won't tell anyone. She's on our side. But, Lisa, please don't . . ."

She frowns. "Don't what?"

I reach out and tug the zipper of her jacket, pleading with her. "Don't get hurt because of me."

Lisa gazes at me from beneath her lashes. "I want to be with you. Always. What do you think about that?"

My stomach erupts in a riot of butterflies and rainbows, but I force myself to stay calm. "Why?"

"Do you need me to spell it out for you?"

I am hungry for every drop of her. Every word she wants to give me. "A girl likes to know."

She pins me with her brown gaze. "Because I'm falling in love with you, and with every day that passes, I fall harder still."

I almost throw myself into her arms. "Really? You mean that?"

"I'll say it every day until you believe me. I'll say it every hour if I have to."

"I'm falling in love with you, too," I whisper.

The two feet of space between us feels like an endless chasm.

"How are we going to be together?" I ask.

My lover just blinks slowly. "Would you do anything for us, Mandu? I want to know how far you'd go for us to be together."

The pain of not touching her is throbbing in my chest. "Whatever it takes. Whatever we have to do. But I don't want anyone to die," I add quickly.

She shakes her head. "No one's going to die."

"Especially not you." I know she thinks she's going to die young, but if the Manobans are cursed, then we'll break that curse together.

"If my plan works, I'll get my inheritance and you'll be protected from your family. It will be an ordeal when the time comes, but we can get through it together."

"And if it doesn't work?"

"We're tough, you and me. We'll find a way to make it work."

We are tough. We're as tough as goddamn nails. "Then I trust you to do whatever it takes."

A dark, triumphant gleam comes into her eyes, and her smile grows cold and a little scary.

Just what is she going to do? Now I'm worried. "Maybe you should tell me what your plan is, after all."

She puts her head on one side, regarding me in silence. "No. I don't think I will. It's best you leave everything up to me. Now come on, let's get going." She nods toward home, and we start walking side by side.

"Are you sure you don't need my help with anything?"

Lisa gazes down at me as we walk along, smiling her mysterious smile. "No, Mandu. Not a thing. Just keep being your adorable, beautiful self, and everything will work out perfectly."

As the weeks go by, Lisa and I hone our subterfuge. We ignore each other at home whenever anyone else is around, but the second we're alone, we're all over each other. She screws me so many times in my bed that I lose count of how many orgasms I have. It's loving and it's beautiful, but there are no two ways around it.

We don't make love.

We fuck.

Desperately.

Furiously.

The nights I'm meant to be working, we spend together. Sometimes at a hotel. Sometimes just driving around together, listening to the radio, and holding hands. For the first time in my life, I'm happy. Genuinely—complicatedly—happy. I'm being a terrible person by anyone's measure, but I can't bring myself to care.

Being a good girl never brought me anything but misery.

Being Lisa's bad girl has set me free.

Not everything's angels and cupcakes, though. Late at night, I hear Mom and Lisa fighting. I can't make out the words, but I know what it's about. Lisa won't sleep with her.

Lisa doesn't like to talk about it with me, but she's said enough to make me understand that for a few weeks she was able to make excuses for not having sex, or she pretended to be asleep, but Mom's starting to get frustrated.

When Mom's frustrated, she throws things. Two vases and three wine glasses have bit the dust in the last two weeks.

I lie awake in bed listening to them arguing, but it's worse when they finally go silent because I start to imagine that Lisa's given in and she's having sex with her just to make her shut up. For hours I lie awake imagining them doing it. Picturing her coming to me and confessing what she did. How I'll cry, and she'll beg me to forgive her. It's pure agony, but I can't make myself stop.

One morning, I'm a zombie in the kitchen as I make coffee, and tears keep threatening to spill down my cheeks. I heard them arguing again last night and then they went ominously silent. I'm so tired and overwrought that I've already half accepted that they've had sex, and it's only a matter of time before Lisa confirms that my nightmare is real.

She comes into the kitchen, and the sight of her is enough to make a lump rise in my throat.

"Mandu? What's wrong, are you sick?"

I shake my head and open my mouth to beg her to tell me it didn't happen, but then Mom sweeps into the room in her red silk kimono, and I swallow all the words I was going to say. They burn down my throat and make my stomach ache.

Behind mom's back, Lisa gives me a desperate look and crosses her heart with her forefinger. She didn't.

She wouldn't.

I believe her, but how long can we go on like this?

Over dinner that night, Mom's in an uncharacteristically good mood. We eat braised beef in red wine with fried potatoes, but the food feels so heavy in my stomach that I can only manage a few mouthfuls and spend the rest of the meal picking at my plate.

Lisa seems to have tuned out, and answers in monosyllables whenever Mom asks her a question.

I focus on counting the number of baby onions in my stew until Mom draws me out of my reverie by repeatedly saying my name.

I glance up. "Sorry, what?"

"I said I have a question for you both."

My near-empty stomach convulses. For me and Lisa? "What question?"

Lisa shoots me a glance and I realize how panicked I sound.

"I want to know what you both think of a date I've chosen for an event." Her eyes flash, and there's an edge to her voice. Like I care about any day of the year apart from the anniversary of my father's death.

"What event?" Lisa asks.

"Our three-month anniversary. I thought we could invite my family. Yours."

Lisa gazes blankly at Mom. "Why?"

"Because it's our three-month anniversary," Mom says, louder, as if Lisa is deaf or stupid. "We can celebrate, and a family party will remind us of what our duties are." She glares at Lisa, and my insides shrivel up in horror as I realize what duties she's talking about. Mom will get Lisa's brothers on her back about her not sleeping with her.

"I'll ask Chanyeol if he can bring a single man for Jennie, seeing as Kai Jongin apparently wasn't suitable," Mom says.

Lisa's expression is suddenly murderous. Under the table, I dig my nails into my thigh. How is Mom not picking up on the jealousy that's suddenly a raging tornado spinning around the room? "Don't bother, please."

"I didn't ask for your permission or your opinion. I only want to know if the twenty-third is suitable because that's the date I've chosen." Mom turns to Lisa. "Well, darling?"

She drags her eyes away from me and back to Lisa. "What?"

"The date. It would be wonderful if we had something to announce, but that's out of my control, apparently," she mutters.

"Something to announce," Lisa repeats, glancing speculatively at me, and I think she must be considering telling everyone about us.

I can only imagine what mayhem that will cause with all her brothers and my uncles present. There will probably be blood spilled on the dance floor.

She turns to Mom. "The twenty-third? Sure. Can't wait."