yeah, so it's been four years...

i never intended to fully abandon this fic

it was my first ever fic

it is my baby and will always be something i come back to

...eventually


Early this morning
When you knocked upon my door
Early this morning

Lucy wakes with pain radiating through every cell of her body. Her head throbs, her eyes heavy. She lays still, trying to breathe, trying to remember how to. She's not sure she could twitch a finger, much less move her body. She lays still, unsure of how to make it better; with watering eyes, she breathes, desperately hoping for it all to go away.

Her eyes open blurrily, harsh light making her squint and adding to her disorientation. The skylight comes into view, showing a miserable grey sky; droplets of water landing limply on the glass. She looks blearily at the lilac walls, hearing a hazy, murmured voice.

Something wet swipes across her forehead. It takes Lucy a moment to realise that it's Ultear wiping her head with a warm cloth.

"You made it through the first treatment," is all she says.

"Water?" Lucy crackles out. Ultear holds the glass surprisingly gently, tipping the water into Lucy's mouth slowly. She processes Ultear's words, eyes watering, "Does it always hurt this bad?"

Ultear sighs, "The first and second time are the worst. They're forcing ethernano into your body, trying to force your magic containers to grow."

"Will it always hurt?" Lucy croaks.

Ultear wets the cloth, wringing it out into a container, "It depends how quick you start reacting to the treatment."

They remain silent. Ultear wipes off Lucy's neck and shoulders, down her arms, cooling her hot, pulsing body.

Lucy stares beyond the skylight, "Do you think about leaving again?"

Ultear looks away, "You don't leave."

"How do you kn—"

Ultear snaps towards her, eyes angry, "You don't leave." She stands from Lucy's bedside, crossing the room, back to reading her book.

Trying to sit up, Lucy winces, all the muscles in her body protesting the movement. She looks to Ultear for help, but the brown-eyed girl isn't even looking in her direction. She manages on her own after some time, but a thousand questions still swirl around her head. She feels woozy.

"How long have you been here?" Lucy asks tentatively.

Ultear shrugs, "A year maybe. Could be less, could be more."

Lucy's heart aches. A year of that? "You never tried to leave?"

Ultear slams her book closed, staring at the wall across from her. Her face scrunches angrily, "I escaped." she says, devoid of any emotion. "I wanted to go back to my mother. And I did. When I got there, she had already forgotten about me. So, I came back."

Lucy feels confusion well up inside her, "Why?"

Ultear's face shifts into a sneer, "I escaped. That's possible at the very least. I thought I would go home, and everything would be the same. But people change, they move on, they forget. There was nothing there for me. There was no point. Here, I can get stronger."

Lucy wants to cry; she keeps her voice as steady as she can. "Don't you want to be happy?" she ends up whispering at the end. "I don't want to be here the rest of my life, Ultear, I know you don't either."

Ultear scoffs, "You don't know me. Escape, go home, back to the people you love, you'll see. There's no point forcing yourself back when you only exist to them as a memory."

Lucy falls silent at that. She doesn't know her, only met her a day ago. But surely there's still hope, she wonders what Ultear must've seen, what smothered the flicker of hope in her, what makes her think that the testing could be better than the life outside of the Bureau.

The door warps open and a worker brings a tray of food into the room, before quickly leaving. Ultear passes a plate to Lucy before taking her own. Lucy eats slowly, taking sips between each bite to try and swallow it easier. "Do you have magic yet?" she asks tentatively.

Ultear glances at her, "Some,"

"Did Brain teach it to you?"

"Most people don't come here with magic already, so yes, Brain taught me."

Lucy hummed, interested, "So what kind?"

Ultear nudges her food with her spoon, "A little of a lot of things I suppose. Some Possession magic, a little Transformation magic. Brain wants me to learn basic Requip next."

"So caster magic then… like me."

Ultear rolled her eyes, "Again, don't tell Brain that. Have him teach you as much magic as he can."

Lucy puts her tray on the table, frowning in thought. "So, you can be a holder and a castor type mage?"

Ultear blinks, seemingly surprised. "Traditionally, only elves can use both at the same time. Or at least what history books say. It's a bit different for humans. You can use holder and castor type magic, just not at the same time. Think of it like a tap, even if you have two buckets, you would only be able to fill one at a time."

Lucy hums in thought, "So would you need more than one magic container or is it all from the same?"

The dark-haired girl thinks about it for a moment. "I guess it would be like stopping the tap and having to wait for everything to restart. Only really powerful mages would have more than one container, and they'd have to unlock Second Origin first."

"Second Origin?" Lucy asks inquisitively, "What is that?"

Ultear smiles, minuscule, "It's the part of the container that stays dormant. When you're in a position where you have no power left, it's the power you draw on I guess."

They lapse into silence, Ultear continues eating the food, and Lucy continues thinking of magic containers, of the research the Bureau is collecting, of what her role in all of this is. She wonders why Brain needs her stronger, what his true plans are.

When you knocked upon my door
And I say, "Hello Satan I-
I believe that it's time to go"

"It's time." Lucy looks up to the open door of the room, at the two masked workers standing in the entryway. She feels fear piston into her gut as she stands, knowing there's no other option. She risks a glance at Ultear, but the girl is staring out the sunlight on the roof, not turning to Lucy or acknowledging her in any way.

They follow the same steps up the corridor, their footsteps somehow silent on the floor whilst Lucy thuds quietly behind them, anxiety growing in the pit of her stomach with every step closer.

They open the door to the observation room. She looks into the eyes of Olivia, who is smiling warmly, green eyes crinkled. "Good morning, Lucy, now I know that yesterday was a little bit painful, but we have to continue your treatment or you'll keep getting sick. Do you understand, Sweetie?"

Lucy feels her heart thudding in her chest. She hasn't been called that since Ur, and the endearment falling from her mouth doesn't comfort her the way it would if it was Ur instead. "Yes," she replies, because she does understand. She knows she needs to get stronger, knows that if she doesn't get stronger, she'll die, like Ur's daughter. There'll be nothing left of her except ashes.

She swallows as Olivia smiles and directs her into the training room. They take her up the stairs: nine in total. Before they deposit her in the centre of a large platform. She looks around, able to take it in now that she knows what to expect, that the injection isn't making her disoriented.

The researchers step out of the room and the coil wires hanging from the room seem to come to life, wrapping around her extremities and lifting her slowly but surely until she's held taut above the platform, suspended. Last, a cable slowly begins wrapping around her throat, and Lucy instinctively holds her breath, waiting for it to tighten, for her air supply to be cut off. Mercifully, it doesn't, and she takes even breaths, opening her eyes now that her panicked breathing has somewhat stabilised.

When Olivia speaks it's over an intercom, her voice taking a robotic tone. It echoes in the cavern of the training room, "This may hurt a little but we need you to stay strong."

Me and the Devil
Walking side by side
Me and the Devil
Walking side by side

Lucy squeezes her eyes shut, pulling in one last breath she opens her eyes, staring at a steel structure of a sun, with rays curling around it in a golden shade. It has a smile carved into it, deep enough that the shadows on its eyes and face look sinister, like it's the source of the pain she will feel, like it might even enjoy it. Lucy feels her eyes drawn to it, unable to look away even though every second she looks she feels terror grip her body.

A buzzing fills the room, becoming deafening in the otherwise silent room. The volume overpowers her own harsh breathing, until she can't hear herself, the buzzing resuming in her ears before an electric crackle breaks through the white noise. Lucy watches a current stem from one of the large machines on the perimeter of the room, shooting up the length of the wire coil. She follows it as it gets closer and closer, a split second seemingly stretching into minutes as she takes one last, heaving breath before she feels the current connect with her body.

Lucy screams.

You don't see why
And you'a dog me 'round
Say, don't see why
People dogging me 'round

Lucy feels cold. Her skin is prickled with goosebumps, the buzzing quietened, she opens her eyes to meet the gargantuan, malevolent eyes of the metal sun. She feels the current ravel back down the wires, feels her head loll back in relief. She can feel the ghosts of pins and needles in her skin, the stabbing in her muscles, faintly, she feels like knives have been stabbing into her skin, under her nails, in her eyes.

Lucy finds herself crying, relieved that it is over, that the pain is no longer. She breathes haggardly, chest sounding wet on the intakes of her sharp inhales. She blinks, dazed, the sun fading in and out of her vision, before shrouding itself in darkness.

Lucy knows time has passed when she opens her eyes. She blinks them open, hoping to be staring out at the stars through the skylight in her room, wishing Ultear was there, with a cold rag, making sure she has water, making sure she's not burning up. Lucy squeezes her eyes shut, tears leaking out the corners as she looks up, into the eyes of the sun. She feels a coolness beneath her, rising up the sides of her body. It feels like water. Calm, sloshing around her, cooling her, giving her something to focus on besides the lingering pain from the last session.

The water continues higher, until her head is scarcely above the flow. She feels it inch around her face, creeping up her cheeks, makes her hearing muffled as it forces its way into her ears. She takes a final gulp of air and suddenly the water covers her, rising far above her until it feels like she's on the bottom of the ocean, staring up at a surface that she can't see, the pressure of the water weighing her body down until her ears start ringing, until it feels like her body is going to explode. She tries to move, tries to swim to the surface, tries to breach the water, to take a breath before her body takes one for her, before her lungs fill with water and she can't breathe, until darkness overcomes her for good this time.

She's stuck, and as she looks around the dark water, she feels coil wires on her wrists, her ankles, the one on her throat. Lucy thrashes, desperately trying to break free, she can feel her lungs burning, her heart racing in her ears, knows she doesn't have long, that if she doesn't free herself, she's going to die. Her lungs are screaming for air and lucy fights the urge to breathe in, fights and fights and fights.

All at once the water disappears, as if it was never there at all. Lucy gasps for air, feeling her body heave and cough as though she inhaled it.

There's sound coming from the training room, arguing that's muffled by thick walls and machinery. Lucy turns her head groggily, vision whiting out every couple of seconds, stars flashing before her eyes. Brain steps into the training room, looking murderous. Lucy can feel the rage coming off him, and she feels herself weep, terrified that she's done something wrong, that she's angered a god.

"Release the wires!" he bellows, voice thundering in the room. "They have limitations, for God's sake!"

Lucy feels herself being lowered, slowly, until she's laying flat on platform, the wires uncoil from her wrists, slithering back to the machines with a muted buzz. Lucy feels immobile, heavy, the sun seems further away, less threatening now that she's further away.

Brain kneels down next to her, sliding a hand under her shoulders and holstering her up so she's eye level with him.

"Can you stand?" he asks, eyes holding concern, brows furrowed.

Lucy moves her legs, trying to get them under her as she stumbles. Brain holds onto her, supporting her as she struggles. Her head throbs with the effort, thoughts blurring with each movement. She shakily steps forward, and Brain keeps a hand on her shoulder as he walks her out of the training room.

"We have some things to discuss,"

Lucy nods.

You may bury my body
Down by the highway side
You may bury my body
Down by the highway side

Brain takes them to a room she's never seen before. It's a huge library, with platforms that float mid-air, allowing for the books on the top shelf, nearly out of sight given the height of the room, to be reached. Brain sits her down at a table, handing her a glass of water. Lucy takes gulps of it, feeling like her body is screaming for it.

"I'm sure you have lots of questions. I'm hoping to answer some of them,"

Lucy nods, eyeing the room, looking around, trying to take as much as she can in.

"You're at the Bureau of Magical Development. It's a science institution I head. Our purpose it to study magic, how it has come into existence is one part of it, another is to discover how magic can be utilised in the future."

Lucy is fully relaxed into the chair, her body too weak to sit up straight, to hold any of her graces. "Why are you telling me this?"

Brain smiles, "Magic has existed since the beginning of time, it's existed in every living creature, human or otherwise. It's innate to our existence, part of the soul, perhaps." He pauses, making sure Lucy is paying attention. "During the Dragon War, magic became somewhat of an artform. Instead of being used as a part of daily life, it took another form, it became specialised, categorised, capable of power. And with more wizards being born, the capacity for magic was growing, it was becoming something that could change lives, save people. And in other cases, something that could be used for evil."

Lucy knows this already. She had read all the books, knew that magic was always something innate to life on Earthland. It wasn't new information. She nods anyway.

"There's been a limit, however, due to the amount of Ethernano available. And so, with each decade that passes, it increases, maybe in response to magic wielders, maybe for another reason entirely–– that's one of the other things we research here. But with each decade we have a select few people with a surplus of magical energy. We don't know why, just that it happens. And so, our goal at the Bureau is to harness the power within these individuals and shape them into wizards strong enough to create a better future."

Lucy frowns, "What's wrong with the future we have?"

Brain considers, "Well, we don't know. But the world is full of evil and dark things. Thinks like demons and dark guilds, things like wars and politics and conflict. If we have wizards who are capable of amazing things, it might be the piece of the puzzle the future needs to be happy.

"We take in these special cases, children like you, so that we can achieve that purpose. There are a few different projects we're working on, but my vision is Nirvana."

"Nirvana?" Lucy asks.

Brain nods, "It's a legendary spell, one that takes immense power to complete. It's reversal magic. It can cause a change of will, from dark to light, from light to dark. It creates peace. If there was a war, for instance, it would force a stop to war by changing the will of the instigator."

Lucy contemplates it, considering Brain's words, even though her head feels heavy, feels like it is going to fall off her shoulders any minute. "Light to dark?"

"Good and evil, if we wanted to specific."

"So…" Lucy starts, rubbing her head where tension is beginning to brew. She exhales, "So good people will turn bad, and bad people would turn good?"

Brain smiles reassuringly, "It could certainly be used for that, however, Nirvana has multiple stages, the one we hope to achieve is to turn those on either side neutral, to maintain peace in times of strife."

"Would it not progress into a later stage? Shift good to bad?"

"Would it be so bad? All the evil in the world, being turned good. Things inherently dark, turned to the light? Powers we couldn't hope to fight being on the good side? Demons like Deliora changing to good. Trading destruction for creation?"

Lucy breathes in sharply. She can't imagine it, a world where Deliora is good. "That's impossible."

"Not impossible, Lucy. Unthinkable. Illogical, maybe. But a thought so unthinkable that you must be enlightened to see it. That is Nirvana. Peace, balance, enlightenment, fulfillment. Don't you think the world needs more of that? Imagine a world without fear… it's almost as improbable as Deliora being good."

Lucy doesn't say anything.

"And it's why we need extraordinary people like you, people who can stay neutral, who can maintain the balance should the world become engrossed in chaos. It's the reason we need Nirvana. You're the key for a greater future. I know it sounds impossible, far-fetched, unbelievable. But I need strong people, people destined for greatness, to achieve it. I need you, Lucy. And I need you to trust me, to believe that this is possible."

Lucy feels her heart racing. She looks into Brain's eyes, sees the awe, the admiration, the faith. She believes him, feels the certainty settle into her bones. She could do this; she could keep the world from peril.

"I trust you." She says, with more conviction than she's felt in weeks.

Brain grins, genuine, "I knew you would. Now we can officially begin your training."

He places a box on the table, sliding it towards her, Lucy's eyes follow the movement. She meets his eyes again and he nods, warmly, inviting her to take it. She lifts the lid slowly, putting it beside the box, peeling back the tissue paper covering the contents. When she sees what's inside, Lucy feels dread in her stomach.

She looks at the three golden keys in the box, ones she's seen before, one's she's traced while her mother read her to sleep; spirits her mother would summon, one's she had been adamant Lucy would one day have.

She picks one up, feeling the thrum of energy course through her body, like that string of power recognises this too. Like it's something innate to her. Aquarius. Lucy schools her expression before she looks up at Brain. He's still smiling warmly, and for the first time all day she sees through it. She sees the mirth in his eyes as something cold, something he had been planning. She feels sick, but she doesn't show it.

"What are they?" she asks dumbly.

Brain settles into his seat. "Celestial spirit keys. There are only twelve gold keys in the world. You now have three. You can summon spirits to fight for you, to make contracts with you, to obey your every command."

"Celestial spirits have feelings too. They feel happiness and pain and grief and love. They're friends, you fight alongside them. They're your protectors, there when you need them and with you always."

"It's a holder-type magic, I have a feeling you'll be very good at it."

Lucy smiles and nods, feeling sick at her very core.

As she lays in her bed that night, staring at the constellations in the sky, thinking of her mother, she wonders what the hell she has gotten herself into.

So my old evil spirit
Can Greyhound bus that ride
So my old evil spirit
Can Greyhound bus that ride


anyway, thank you if you have come back to this story. from here on out, it's probably going to be reuploaded and updated on ao3, so it you would like to read it there, that is phenom.

sorry it took so long, truly.

~MyFictionalFantasy