Ivy gave a sigh of relief. The large mop of hair that had been growing down her back was now messily cut to just above her shoulders. She gave it a final snip, then put down the scissors and looked at herself in the mirror.
Her hair was uneven and messy, cropped almost to her scalp in some places. There were two blistering hand-shaped burns on her neck and one more on her forearm, all three oozing blood. She had even cut her ear in her recklessness with the scissors. She looked awful.
And she felt better than she had in weeks.
There was a knock at the door, along with a muffled voice. "Hey, Ives? Can I come in?"
"Uh, just give me a sec!" She pulled down her sleeve, threw the scissors in the drawer, and pulled on the black mourning cloak that Amber had given her. "Yeah!"
The door swung open and James popped his head in. "Hey, my mom and dad were wondering..." His voice wavered, his expression very quickly becoming one of worry, and Ivy realized with dawning horror that the cloak's hood was down. "What happened to you?"
Ivy quickly pulled the open book off the desk, clutching it to her chest. "I kinda...well, a few days ago, Sofia found this book of ancient funeral traditions. I don't really know where my mom was from and there didn't turn out to be much on stuff from my dad's side, but there was a bit. I had a nightmare and just kinda...wanted to feel like I was doing something. So, I chopped off my hair. It's an old mourning tradition, like...well..." She gestured to her plain black dress.
"I...okay, but...the burns?"
"I'm just...it was really...I thought I was drowning, and I guess I grabbed my neck in my sleep."
"It looks really bad." James winced and touched his own neck, as though imagining the pain.
"It's fine. It barely even hurts."
The prince looked unconvinced. "Come on, you need to see Cedric. He's probably got some sort of magic potion to help."
"No. I'm not going up there like this."
"Why?"
"It's not...well...it's nothing. I'm gonna go have lunch." She turned to leave.
"Come on. You're bleeding pretty bad."
"I don't care."
"Well, I do. If you won't go to someone, I'll bring them here. I'm getting Baileywick."
"No! He's gonna tell your parents!"
"And you think Cedric won't? C'mon, they'll notice anyway. It's not like they could miss it. I mean...just look."
Ivy looked at herself in the mirror. That feeling of pride, of joy and satisfaction, had fled the moment James walked in. She couldn't go out there and have people see her in this state.
"Okay," she sighed, pulling the cloak's hood over her head. "Do you have a black scarf I can borrow?"
"Sorry, nope."
"Hm...maybe Sofia has some concealer I can-"
"I don't think you should put makeup on an open wound."
"I've done worse."
"Here, I have an idea."
Ivy winced as a small black blanket was wrapped around her neck. "Careful!"
"Sorry. Come on, lets get you to the tower."
As she and James walked down the halls, Ivy tried her best to not look up. She could feel the servants staring at her. James was talking, but she could barely understand him over the sound of her own pounding heart.
It was only when they got to the tower door that she finally let herself breathe.
"Hey, Cedric?" James knocked on the door. "I...uh, I have Ivy with me."
There was a long silence, and for a second Ivy wondered if he was actually there. Then there was the sound of slamming cupboards and someone tripping over their own feet. The door flew open and Cedric finally appeared, shaking a few feathers off his robes.
"What on earth are you two doing here?" he asked. "Shouldn't you both be headed to lunch?"
"Oh, you're right! James, we-"
"C'mon. tell him, or I'm going to."
"Mn..." The idea of revealing what she had done, being seen like this by other people, made her feel ill. After a couple seconds, she took off the hood.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN HAPPENED TO YOU?!" the sorcerer shrieked, leaping backwards.
"Sof gave me a book of ancient funeral traditions. I had a nightmare and accidentally burned myself, so I looked in it to find something I could do and it said that a lot of people used to cut their hair in mourning."
"Yes, I can understand that, I suppose," Cedric stammered. "But why in the world... and...oh, Merlin, Princess Amber is going to have a stroke if she sees you like this. Come in, I'll find something to help, but...never do this again."
Ivy nervously fidgeted as she was led to a chair. "Sorry...I just...wasn't thinking about all that. I wanted to feel...feel like...."
The sorcerer didn't respond. He just continued frantically pulling bottles and jars out of the cupboard, his hands shaking and waving about so much that Ivy feared he might drop something.
"Are you okay?" James asked.
"Yes, I am, I just...have quite a bit to do today." He rushed over to Ivy and started loosely wrapping her neck with potion-soaked bandages. "And Ivy, darling, please never do something of this sort again. You could have ended up seriously injured."
"I just...felt like I had to do something."
"Yes, but you cannot be so reckless. You...I don't want you..." He grasped his hair in frustration,. "Please, just...don't do this sort of thing again. If you want your hair cut, just...ask someone. Don't take it upon yourself to do it, especially if it will result in..." He sighed, gesturing to her bleeding ear and badly cropped hair. "Now, is there anything else?"
"Well...um..." Ivy pulled up her sleeve to reveal the burn on her forearm.
Cedric just stared at her.
"What? I grabbed it while I was asleep."
"I'm sorry." He grabbed more bandages. "It simply looked..." For a moment, he simply stood there, grasping his own arm. Then, he began wrapping the girl's wounds. "It just looked a bit worse than the others. There, how is that?"
Ivy moved her arm and stretched her neck a bit. The burns still stung, but whatever was on the bandages cooled the inflamed skin. "Definitely better. M'sorry."
"For what?"
"You were busy with something. I interrupted you for...just...a really stupid reason."
Cedric gave her a very concerned look. "My dear, you set yourself on fire in your sleep. I would be much more upset if you didn't seek medical attention."
"But I..." She pulled on what was left of her hair with one hand and pounded on the stone wall with the other. "I deserve it."
"That's...that's quite enough of that sort of talk," Cedric stammered, quickly pulling her hands away. "Why...what on earth..."
"Why do you think you deserve that kinda thing?" James asked.
"I dunno, I just...I could have stayed. I could have helped them fight. Maybe it all would have turned out differently. Maybe...maybe it would have been better if they had just...given me up. Then they would have still been alive and I wouldn't be betraying them by staying in a nice big castle while their bodies rot-"
"Ives," James said, sitting down next to her, "this is what they'd prefer. I mean, think about it. They're probably just happy you're alive."
"I just wish..." She paused and shook her head. "You already know."
"Yes," Cedric said, "and I also know that you haven't eaten a thing today. Why don't you and Prince James run along and get to the dining hall? You'll feel much better once you do that."
Ivy gave a small smile, though she still had to make an effort to keep the tears from falling as she was led to the door. "You're starting to sound like Baileywick. He tells me that every day."
"Well, he's quite right about it. Now go and get some lunch, and be careful."
"We will. C'mon, Ives."
Ivy began to follow James. But, for a brief moment, she turned back to look at Cedric.
The sorcerer was still standing there, again clutching his arm with an expression of worry. He smiled at her and gestured for her to go ahead, but Ivy could still see the concern in his eyes.
And that only made her feel more guilty.
