A/N: Hello readers, just popping in to post a new story that I just posted on AO3. This is cross-posted under the pen-name ILovetoRun.

Please read the A/N: This story may be triggering to some readers as it does involve mentions of gun violence but rest assured, no harm or deaths occur in this story.


Code Word: I Love You

"Alright students! Do just as we practiced, turn off the lights, close the blinds, barricade the door. And most importantly, keep…quiet!"

Alan and his classmates scrambled around the room, pairing together to push chairs and tables against the door, while several others closed the blinds and stilling any movement from the hurried action.

Alan recalled a tip that Virgil had suggested when gun violence had become more widespread in not only schools, but churches, hospitals and businesses. He'd unbuckled his belt and hopped onto the desk closest to the door and looped the belt over the hydraulic hinge that extended from the top of the door. Turning, Alan jumped down and hurried to grab his textbook, crouching down to shove it into his backpack.

He pulled his cell phone out and slid the toggle, silencing all volume on his phone with the exception of a muted buzz. He sent a quick text message out, hoping that it would be understood.

It was something that he had said to his brothers a lot over the years. So innocuous and fleeting, but meaningful.

One of the last things you always longed to say to someone who was never coming back, like his mother and father.

"Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease." Alan had whispered lowly as he crouched down with his classmates, holding their backpacks up like makeshift shields.

Alan never thought things like this would still be going on, not after gun restrictions were imposed and mental health care was restored to proper functioning and patients suffering from severe mental illnesses could receive more than adequate treatment for a reasonable cost.

But sometimes, weapons fell into wrong hands and innocent victims became the collateral damage.

Less than an hour ago, the principal of the school had issued a bulletin, warning that until further notice, the school would be in lockdown.

Nobody was going anywhere.

It wasn't just for the student's safety, but faculty and community members.

A pair of escaped fugitives were spotted in town, and they had abandoned a stolen vehicle with firearms inside. They were seen less than a quarter of a mile from the school, and now on foot, headed in their direction.

There was a rhythmic whumping noise overhead and Alan figured it to be a police helicopter. Dogs barked outside, German shepherds and pit bulls that were the trained k-9 officers to help track the scent of the dangerous individuals.

Alan felt the single buzz against his hip, indicating he'd gotten a reply, but he couldn't answer it. The teacher was crouching by the door, baseball bat in hand and waiting to put himself in harm's way to protect his students.

Alan felt another buzz against his hip, followed by another and several more.

Message received.

Loud and very, crystal clear.

The teacher looked behind himself at his students, holding a finger to his lips as the echo of a door slamming open down the hall punctuated the unnerving silence.

Alan felt another buzz against his hip, and he bit his lip, praying that it didn't get them caught.

He never should have sent that message.

But if he hadn't and something happened, his brothers would always wonder.

Scott would kick himself for being too hard on Alan, assuming the role of parent instead of brother.

Virgil would cry, destroying his art that Alan always marveled over.

John would hate himself for not hugging Alan more, preferring human contact on his terms only, flinching if someone touched him without consent.

Gordon would stop laughing, no longer being able to find the humor in anything.

At least, that was what Alan thought.

Everyone, including Alan gasped. A few students hurriedly covered their mouths to silence any noise they made when someone tried the doorknob and either kicking or punching the door, creating a loud banging noise when it didn't open.

Closing his eyes, Alan sighed again.

'Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease'

Alan bit his lip when he felt his teeth chatter from the spike of adrenaline. He was sure that if his teeth sounded monstrously loud to his ears, they must act like a beacon to whoever just tried to get in the classroom.

Seeing his teacher was distracted for the time being, tightening his grip on the wooden bat that he kept on a mount on top of his bookshelf. He'd always called it his lucky bat, having gotten it signed by his favorite baseball player at a game complete with the home run ball he'd caught.

Alan took advantage of the opportunity to check his phone notifications.

~•~

Meanwhile, Scott was sitting in a board meeting, Virgil and John sitting next to him, listening as they were presented with the start of the month's fiscal earnings. The meeting was absolutely droll, and Scott was wishing he had another coffee. He hated the boardroom meetings, but they were a necessity for running a business.

John stealthily nudged Scott's elbow with his own, drawing his attention to him and away from Mr. Cross.

Scott turned to John, mouthing a muted "What?" John met his gaze and looked down then meeting Scott's gaze again. He looked down again and his actions made Scott pay attention.

Looking down, Scott saw that John had his cell phone open and there was a message in the group chat between all the boys. The first in the thread was from Alan and it simply said…

"I love you."

Scott met John's gaze again and they both looked back down, no longer trying to be subtle. John scrolled through his phone and saw an alert from the call tree.

URGENT: Schools placed under lockdown until further notice!

Armed fugitives have escaped state penitentiary and have stolen a vehicle with loaded firearms inside. Fugitives still at large and spotted blocks from Monroe Middle Junior High.

CODE RED! Armed fugitives seen near school, abandoned vehicle and approaching on foot.

Parents and guardians are not permitted near the school for the safety of students and faculty. When all clear has been received, students will be released to legal guardians or parents with proper documentation citing permission to retrieve child(ren).

For your safety, stay away until All Clear!"

"Gentlemen, is there something you want to share with the rest of us?"

Scott and John both looked up then, noticing that Mr. Cross was looking…well…a little cross and the entire boardroom had focused solely on them. Virgil as well.

Neither Scott nor John wanted to say anything because…as long as it was just a message being shared through the phone tree, didn't mean that there was anything wrong…yet…

Right?

"Gentlemen?" Mr. Cross started again before John raised a hand, much like when he was a boy in school. "Yes?"

"I was just showing my older brother a message that our brother's school has been put into a red alert lockdown for immediate or potential danger."

Someone made a choking sound on the other side of the room and the brothers looked around, spotting Candace who was CFO until Virgil or John decided they wanted to fill the position. Another person was slapping his palm down repeatedly between Candace's shoulder blades. And when she stood back up, she had a fleck of chocolate frosting on the corner edge of her mouth. A donut was laying on the floor by her foot, a single bite taken.

"What? Alan's school?" Candace asked, voice quivering. "Jeremy!"

"Jeremy?" Mr. Cross questioned, coming across as more than a little peeved.

"My son, he attends the same school as their youngest brother." Candace said, gesturing at Virgil, John and Scott. She looked to the brothers. "Are you sure it's a red alert? It's not just a test text or misprinted bulletin?"

"Ma'am, I'm afraid it's not a misprinted text. Check your phone if you don't believe me." John said as he scrolled to the group chat, seeing that Gordon had already replied a number of times.

"I love you too?"

"R U OK?"

"Al?"

"No divertido, Alan!"

"Not funny!"

"R U Gonna answer?"

"Hey, jerkface, quit beating your meat and answer me!"

"Alan?"

"Hello?"

"Al!"

"What's with the 'I love you' bull shit?"

"Are you saying goodbye?"

"Don't you be saying your goodbyes!"

"It's on the news, are you okay?"

"Where are you?"

"Fuckin "A" - little bro, please just answer me!"

"Please!"

"Alright, fine! I love you too!"

"Alan? Hello?"

And so far, it had appeared that Alan either hadn't read his texts or he was away from his phone.

Three little dots appeared in the corner of the screen, bouncing in place as Alan was apparently writing a reply. Hopefully to say they'd issued all clear.

"They're in the building, I love you and I'll try to be safe."

Scott froze as he and John gaped at the screen of John's phone.

The fugitives were in the school.

The students and faculty were on lockdown.

The whole student body and faculty were sitting ducks.

Gordon wrote back, even though there was no reply from Alan.

"I'm heading to the store to get all of your favorites and some ice cream…movie night tonight when you get home."

Alan remained quiet.

Scott waited anxiously as he listened to the boardroom come alive with nervous energy. Candace was accepting of a hug from Virgil who was rubbing her back, whispering promises that the kids would be fine.

Someone pulled up the news on their laptop and everyone gathered around, watching from the eyes in the sky that a barricade had been built by the fugitives, in the school. The land looked barren; school windows sealed up with the blinds closed.

"What we are seeing now are officers approaching the school, attempting to make contact with the fugitives."

A group of men and women approached with weapons drawn to pound fists on the door. There seemed to be no immediate answer, so the officers repeated their actions

"The police chief has said that it is their intention to coax these fugitives out without opening fire."

The messaging group with Alan had fallen silent, not even Gordon continuing to write knowing that Alan needed to be aware and keep his eyes up, not focusing on the phone.

Nobody said anything as everyone watched the news, waiting on some kind of update. A man dressed in tactical gear approached the school, shields drawn with a group of individuals dressed alike.

"It…it would appear that the SWAT team has been called in to assist with this matter. Julian, what is the manifesto of people present in the school? What kind of numbers are we looking at?

"Considering this is a relatively small school, the number of people inside are roughly 143 people."

"Do we have any contact with the inside?"

"At this time, we do not. Students and faculty are sheltering in place, police and SWAT are preparing to breach the building from the other side."

Scott, John, Virgil and Candace watched the laptop monitor in horror as the scene played out before their eyes. Even if they'd wanted to, they couldn't look away.

"It would appear that SWAT has mobilized and breached the building. Police created a diversion by deploying a flash bang grenade. Authorities don't want to take any chances with the safety of the combined civilians and so have issued an immediate response."

~•~

Alan sat huddled in amongst his classmates, backpack still gripped tightly in his hands, held up to cover his head and his chest. He was ignoring the buzzes he could feel against his hip. Initially he'd turned all vibrations off, then decided he could leave the tiny bzzt vibration on because it was soundless. He couldn't even hear it when it sounded during class.

He flinched, physically jumping where he sat when there was a very loud singular bang sound followed by shouting just down the hall.

"Hands up! On your knees! Down, down, down!"

Feeling a hand from one of his classmates tightening on his elbow, Alan prepared for something to happen.

But as if time had frozen, nothing occurred.

It was the longest three hours ever.

But eventually, the adrenaline hit its plateau and began to ebb.

"Halls clear!"

"All clear!

"East hall clear!"

Sinking back into the bookshelf he was leaned into; Alan heaved a shuddering breath. He dropped his backpack into his lap and didn't hesitate to return the hug from a classmate that glommed onto him. They were all visibly shaking.

"All clear!"

"West hall clear!"

"All clear here!"

It was another half hour before police officers went to each classroom, escorting groups of students to the auditorium where they were to wait until they could be picked up by family.

Alan waited there with bated breath until he heard his name called. Looking up, Alan saw Scott. He hurriedly jumped to his feet, forsaking walking to run to his brother. Scott opened his arms, prepared as always to catch his youngest brother and grappling on tightly once Alan was close enough.

Alan wasn't embarrassed to be held so tenderly by his brother. He was glad for it. His school and individual classes had all done drills a number of times but had never thought they'd ever have to actually use what they'd practiced.

"Alan! Oh god! I was so scared." Scott whispered, kissing Alan's forehead and temple, sniffling as the tears he rarely let fall came unbidden. "I was terrified when John showed me the text!"

"I'm sorry! I d-didn't…" Alan whispered back, voice breaking uncharacteristically as he tried to explain. "When the principal issued the shelter in place and we learned they were armed…I, I blanked! I was scared it'd be something worse and I didn't want to go without saying goodbye."

"Nobody is saying goodbye, not today. You did good using the code word, but hopefully it will be the last time you ever have to. I think that just gave me fifty more grey hairs than I had when I woke up this morning."

Scott audibly sniffled again, reaching up to his cheek and brushing away the fallen tears.

"Come on, I made Virg and John stay in the car and we've already called Gords. He's back home." Scott shouldered Alan's book bag and led his youngest brother from the room.

As they both left the auditorium, they watched as students were reunited with their parents or like in Alan's case - - guardians. Scott had Alan clasped tightly in his arms, worried that to let go of Alan for even a moment would be basically sacrificing his safety.

As they neared the car, both the front and backseat passenger doors opened, revealing John and Virgil who breezed forward. Alan was glad to be held by his brothers, much like with Scott just a few minutes ago.

"Kiddo, I love you! Don't ever forget that!" John whispered as he hugged Alan tightly. He had his eyes clamped tightly closed and was glad to feel his little brother's arms around his waist. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

"I second that. You damn near gave us a heart attack kiddo!" Virgil groaned as he hugged his brother's neck; uncaring if he was choking him slightly. He was just glad to hug his little brother.

"Virg, I can't breathe!" Alan griped; awkwardly reaching up past his other older brother's shoulder to pat Virgil's forearm around his neck. "Can't breathe!"

"Oh! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry kiddo!" Virgil said as he released his grasp on his brother's neck and took a step back. Alan's face was pink from his lack of ability to breathe, and he gulped in several lungful's of air.

"It's fine Virg, it's fine. I'm just ready to go home." Alan said, not mad that his brother nearly strangled him with hugs.

"That can be arranged." Scott said as he approached his younger brothers, having stopped to talk to Candace when he saw her and several of the other parents taking their children home. Scott was happy to know though that the school had a release form that guardians had to sign after presenting their state or federal ID's.

It was a relief that a small school didn't just release students willy-nilly after the ordeal was over.

Somehow, he felt that such a thing could have been bad. Being that if students were basically released of their own will and if the students didn't feel like going home right away, that could carry out the drama for any select family.

"Okay, let's get in." Virgil who had been riding shotgun ushered Alan into the backseat alongside John and closed the door firmly. Alan made sure that each of his brothers were paying attention when he fastened his seatbelt, so they wouldn't ask him in five minutes if he had put on his safety belt.

Scott was incredibly cautious while driving back home.

Alan thought it was a bit ridiculous but didn't fault his brother. Alan had kind of scared the bejesus out of all his brothers with his ominous text message, but at the time…Alan hadn't known quite what was going on.

All he'd known was that the principal had ordered the school on lock down, they'd been sheltered in place for what felt like forever, Alan had been scared and that the code he was sending had many layers to it.

When they'd determined "I love you" as a code word in their system they'd all offered good ideas of what it translated into.

Alan thought back on the family meeting in which they'd agreed on certain codes.

Send Mom and Dad my love had been code for I don't feel safe, please be the bad guy and get me out of here.

Meanwhile Hold the Anchovies meant I'm in danger, please help.

They'd agreed on a bunch of other codes also, some more innocent than dire. But when they'd been ready to call the family meeting, Alan had just blabbed the phrase I Love You and another code word was born. They'd spent the next hour discussing what I Love You should mean and why they should never stop saying it simply because it was a code word for them.

John had asked what I Love You should mean for their family, and everyone had suggested that it mean what it meant to others. Alan however had looked a little more pensive and he'd spoken again when everyone was ready to end the family meeting.

"I think it should be the last resort." Alan, nine years old at the time and looking like someone had spit in his cheerios.

"What do you mean?" Virgil had asked, a shiver coursing its way up his spine.

"Think about it, what is one thing everyone always says before someone leaves, it's always I Love You. If we say that in a text or email and it come out of the blue, it's sure to catch our attention."

"Okay, I think you've been watching too many of those soaps with grandma. We're not using I Love You as a code word. We can't even come to an agreement of what it should mean." Scott said, instantly negating the use of I Love You as a code word.

"I think we should Scooter, I mean…Alan's got a point. What is one thing that we all wish we could have said to mom or dad? Duh! I love you!" Virgil argued, taking Alan's side.

Broaching the subject of their mom and dad had been a bit of a low blow. Alan didn't remember their mom, she died when he was very little in an accident and their dad had gone missing during Space X. Both occasions, Alan never got to say I Love You to either their mom or dad. So anytime he did say it now, it carried the connotation of goodbye in its midst.

"Okay, so if we use, I Love You as a code, what should it mean? It has to get the point across. It can't be something obscure." Scott mandated.

"I love you, I'm sorry, Goodbye." Alan mumbled in reply. It caught all the brothers by surprise, and they just gazed at their little brother.

"Al? Where is all of this coming from?" Scott had stood from his seat at the table and knelt in front of Alan, taking his smaller hands in his own and giving them a tiny squeeze.

Alan looked up at Scott, his eyes filling with tears.

"Because I never said I love you to dad before he left. I was mad at him because he wouldn't let me go to Carousel Rink." Alan admitted, voice getting a little wobblier as he continued on.

"Kiddo, it's okay. You know…you know dad wouldn't let you go because you were recovering from that tonsillectomy. It shouldn't have been a reason to be mad." Scott tried to soothe. But Alan was already crying.

"But maybe if I'd said I love you instead of I hate you, he'd still be alive!"

Scott had picked his little brother up then and returned to his seat, cradling his baby brother as if he were his own child. John, Virgil and Gordon all remained quiet, allowing Scott to calm Alan down.

"Kiddo, he knew you loved him. He also knew not to believe anything you said about hating him, you didn't feel good, and you can get pretty crabby when you're not feeling good." Scott perched Alan in his lap, cupping his baby brother's face in his hands and using his thumbs to brush away the tears. He leaned his head forward, knocking his forehead against Alan's gently. "He knew you loved him, just like mom knew. You didn't have to say it. They knew."

Alan began gulping audibly as he tried to stop crying. It was really hard for him to do.

"I love you would be the perfect code word; you encompassed the meaning perfectly."

John then wrote down what I Love you would mean to them in code.

I Love You meant I'm in explicit danger, I love you, I'll try to be safe but if I am unable…I'm sorry and Goodbye."

Alan thought they were being a little ridiculous with all their code words, nothing would likely ever happen…but it gave each of the boys that sense of control that they lacked in certain situations.

Like when Alan was spending the night at a friend's house, getting the heebie-jeebies from his friend's great uncle watching him like a hawk.

Code words afforded him and all his brothers to control the outcome to some extent.

But I Love You had been the last resort. The last message in the event of something going wrong and not being able to say what you wanted to say.

The SUV pulled into the driveway of their family home and Gordon was waiting on the porch. He was sitting on the steps, huddled up like he was cold. As soon as the car came down the driveway, Gordon stood up and went to greet them all.

When Alan opened the backseat door he slid out and immediately found himself wrapped in a tight hug from his next older brother.

"Oh my god, you scared me kiddo." Gordon whispered, glad that he could hold his brother tightly.

Alan returned the hug and laid his head on Gordon's shoulder, uncaring that they were putting on a show for the neighbors.

"I love you too. Always." Gordon whispered in Alan's ear. Private, just for his ears.

"Come on, let's go in the house." John said, gently patting Alan and Gordon's shoulders, ushering them inside.

Alan didn't fight or argue that night, not even cutting up in a mock fight. He snuggled into the couch, Scott on one side, Virgil on the other. Gordon and John playfully wrestled for a place close to Alan and eventually both agreed to sit on the floor, shoulder to shoulder, touching Alan's legs with their backs.

They put on one of several movies and indulged in junk food.

Scott didn't bother waking Alan or any of his brothers when the last movie ended. He just held Alan close and smiled to himself, leaning forward and kissing his little brother's forehead.

"I love you Sprout, always and forever. Always have and I always will."

The End