Erin typed away on her computer, wiping her eyes as her vision started to blur. Her eyes always watered when she stared at her screen for too long. But it was Friday, and she was determined not to be stuck in the office all night like she had been every Friday for the last three weeks. Being the first Deputy to the Superintendent was supposed to have a more structured work schedule than when she had been a beat cop, but the last month had been chaotic; the entire office had been working on new reforms to the Police Department, and since Erin had been the one to push the proposal forward, she was the one that got stuck doing a lot of the grunt work. She didn't mind the work, it was important and necessary for the Department to restructure this way, but it took time from her personal life and that was something that she hated having to give up.
"Lindsay!" Her eyes shot up to see her boss in the doorway of her office, "do you have a minute?"
Erin nods, saving the file she was working on and focusing her attention to the Superintendent, Jason Brooks.
"Have you thought about the offer?" He asked, sitting across from her.
Erin sighs, shaking her head, "You said I could have until Monday."
"I did, but I at least thought you'd be leaning one way or the other in terms of a decision. This is what you've been working towards for the last ten years."
"I know. I know it is, but it's not that simple. It's just not me that I have to consider."
"I get that," Jason nods, "Look, why don't you take today off? Go home to that husband of yours, discuss what the future looks like for the two of you, and the kid."
Erin's wedding set sparkled on her finger, the light bouncing off her diamond catching her attention. She smiled at the thought of her husband – they hadn't had much quality time together the last few weeks, and she missed him dearly. Still, she didn't want to shirk her responsibilities at work either.
"We still have so much to do–"
"Relax, Lindsay. The ASPs can handle the last bit of paperwork; you've been working your ass off with these new protocols for the last six weeks. You deserve a break more than anyone in this department. And if it helps, I'm sending everyone home by two today anyways. We all need an early night."
Erin smiles, nodding, "Thank you, Jason."
He waves her thanks off, walking out of her office as quickly as he had entered it. Erin packs her things away, logs out of her computer and locks her office for the night. She smiles politely at her co-workers as she walks pass them, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in her stomach. Erin has worked hard for her career, to be treated with the same respect as any man in her position of power, but she still feels judgement on the rare day she leaves early or comes in later. It was something she had tried to avoid doing as much as possible, but some days life outside of the office had to be prioritised first. And today was one of those days.
She pulled out her phone and opened her messages, scrolling until she found her husband's name. 'Coming home early, thought we could spend some time together before we have to pick up the rugrats. See you soon x'
Erin drove through the streets of New York, her windows down and the music thrumming through the car. She felt more relaxed in this single moment than she had for the last few months. It had been a stressful time, but she loved every minute of her job despite all its demands.
The closer she got to their house, the more excited she felt. She needed this. They needed this. As she turned the corner onto their street, Erin spotted a silver convertible parked outside their house. She frowned as she passed it, parking in the driveway beside her husband's truck. People rarely parked in front of their house, or on this street really unless they lived in or were visiting one of the residences. She couldn't recall him mentioning any guests coming over today – maybe it was just a random car parked in front of their house. But something about it felt familiar to her.
Erin gathered her bags, her heels clicking along the cobblestone sidewalk as she calculated each step. The last thing she needed was to go face-first into the uneven surface; knowing her luck, she'd break her nose or something. She fiddled with her keys as she headed to the front door, passing the convertible as she did. Erin did her best to ignore it, ignore the tingling in her gut that was telling her something didn't feel right. She was overtired and stressed out, and it was surely making her paranoid over nothing.
"Hey," Erin called out as she stepped into her house, dropping her bags by the front door, and kicking her heels off, "Babe? I come bearing gifts!" She called out again, the takeout bag with their favourite burgers clutched tightly in her hands.
She walked further into the house, that uneasy feeling in her stomach now creeping its way up her spine. Their house was quiet, too quiet, and it set Erin on edge in a different way; had someone come in? Hurt her family? Taken them hostage? She'd had threatening letters sent to the office before, so it wasn't out of the realm of possibility.
Everything looked normal – her daughter's workbook and pencils were strewn across the kitchen island as they had been when she'd hurried them out of the house this morning; her husband's boots were left by the stairs as always, and the dishes are still in the sink making her wonder if he'd even been listening to her this morning when Erin asked him to clean up the kitchen. There's a crash that echoes through the house and makes Erin jump, turning from the kitchen to the grand staircase that leads either up to the second floor or down to the entertainment room. She stands at the edge of the step and sees the light faintly shining downstairs and cautiously moves in that direction. The light streamed out from the crack in the door, left barely open, but still enough for Erin to hear the sounds that she had been dreading.
Erin wasn't sure how much time had passed since she first stood in the doorway. How long looked at the knocked over plant pot she'd put in that room when they first bought this house. Stared at the bare back of the blonde woman currently straddling her husband. Listened to her breathy moans and cries of ecstasy, accompanying his low grunts and mutterings of pleasure. But it was enough time for the grease of the burgers to perforate the paper bag in her hand, crashing to the floor and bursting their bubble.
And then they locked eyes. Dilated green meeting pained hazels, and her entire world came crashing down.
"Erin!" He shrieked, lifting the blonde off his body, and practically throwing her to the side.
She looked at the blonde, and Erin felt her heart break further. Of course, the car outside had looked familiar – it was new, belonging to the mother of one of her daughter's closest friends. The same friend that Erin was supposed to be picking up from school and taking to the park with her own daughter in an hour's time.
"Erin," He took a step towards her, the movement breaking Erin out of her reverie.
She took a step back, holding her hand out to stop him from getting too close, "Don't. Don't you dare."
"Babe, wait, it's not what it looks like." She scoffed, shoving him back when he stepped into her.
"Really? Because it looks like you're fucking a woman who clearly isn't your wife." Erin's stomach was in knots "How could you do this to me? To our family?"
"I can explain." He spoke desperately.
Erin's eyes flitted to the blonde, still naked on their couch, then back to her husband. His erection stood tall, skin glistening, and Erin felt sick to her stomach. She struggled to get air into her lungs, to keep her eyes from blurring with the tears that begged to come rushing to the surface. She couldn't be here right now.
"I-I can't believe this. I can't do this." Erin cries, backing out of the room and quickly making her escape upstairs.
She ran to the door, grabbing her wallet and keys and slipping on the ballet flats she always kept under their coat rack. Her hand was on the doorknob when she felt his grasp around her other arm.
"Erin, wait, please. Let's just talk about this."
"What is there to talk about!?" She snapped, pulling her arm out of his hold, and opening the door, "Twelve years. Twelve fucking years, and for what!?"
"Baby, it was a mistake. It didn't mean anything, okay?"
"How long?" Erin asks, "How long has this mistake been going on for?"
"It's only been a couple times, I swear. I've barely slept with her before, Erin. It was a mistake. Okay?"
She wants to believe him, part of her does, but the cop in her knows better than to take his words at face value, "How many others?"
"What?"
"You said you've barely slept with her before, I believe that. And now, I'm asking you, how many others have there been?"
"Er …" his voice is low, telling.
Erin shakes her head, shoving him again, "Goddamit. How could you!?"
The guilt-ridden look on his face quickly turns to anger, and Erin's upset grows further. Why the hell was he getting angry for?
"This wouldn't have even happened if you were just around more!" He yelled.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. You're never home, Erin! You always say how much you're needed at work; well I need you here. I have needs too, Erin."
"It's because of my job that we have a damn roof over our heads, or did you conveniently forget that while you were sticking it to every woman around? God, you are unbelievable," Erin sighs, "I have to go and pick up our daughter. And I want that whore out of my house by the time I get back!"
"God," He groaned, pulling at his hair "Erin, just-"
"No, I don't want to hear anything else you have to say right now," She grits, turning to look at him as she gets into her car, "Fuck you, Kelly. Honestly, I just … I can't even look at you right now."
Erin slammed the car door shut, ignoring his desperate pleas for her to come back inside, and quickly drove off.
Erin tried to keep a brave face as she waited outside her daughter's school. Child after child ran out of the iron gates and into their waiting parents' arms, excitedly telling them about their day. Erin waited anxiously, trying to quell the unease she felt bubbling inside of her. She could do this, she could pretend for her daughter, just for a little while.
Charlotte was the light of her life. She gave Erin meaning, purpose, something to hold on to when it felt like her entire world was crashing down around her. Charlotte was her heart and soul, and Erin refused to let her daughter see her upset; it would hurt her more than anything else today.
She forced the smile to stay on her face as Charlotte finally walked out, struggling to carry the books in her hands as she walked with her head down. She smiled shyly when she saw her mother, her little feet picking up the pace to get to Erin. Her backpack dwarfed her, and Erin found it utterly adorable the way the bag hit jolted up and down as it hit the back of her little legs.
"Hi mama," she said softly.
Erin took the books from Charlotte's hold, resting them in her lap as she squatted down to the little girl's level, "Hi bear. How was school?"
"Good," Charlotte answers, leaning into Erin's side, "I missed you."
Erin's smile turns genuine, her heart feeling a little less broken at the sweet words and she hugged her daughter tightly, "I missed you too."
"Hi Erin!" Their hug was broken apart by the boisterous voice of Charlotte's best friend, Felicity Walker.
Erin sucked in a sharp breath, willing herself not to lash out at Felicity. Her mother's indiscretions were not the little girl's fault.
"Hi sweetheart, how are you?"
"Good! Me and Char got so many books at the library today."
"I see," Erin motions to the books in her hands, looking at the book bag Charlotte was holding.
"Can Char come to my house today? My daddy cleaned my cubby out so we could make it a reading house!"
"Oh, that's so sweet of you to offer, but-"
"Felicity!" Erin's stomach twisted at the voice, looking up to see Felicity's mom rushing towards them, "Fi, I've been looking everywhere for you."
"Carly." Erin spits out.
Felicity and Charlotte both frown, looking to Erin, "Mama, I thought 'Licity was coming with us today."
"Change of plans, sweet pea. I'm taking Felicity home with me." Carly smiles down at Charlotte, and Erin flinches at the woman's nickname for her daughter. The only person who calls her daughter that is the man who Carly was just fucking in her home.
Erin smiled tightly, her knuckles turning white from how hard she was clutching the books against her chest as she stood. It was all she could do not to punch the woman right in her fake nose. Carly looked at her nervously, leaning in when their daughters started talking to each other.
"Erin, I'm-"
"No." Erin growled lowly, "You and I no longer have anything to talk about."
Erin took Charlotte's hand, pulling her daughter along with her as they walked back to the car.
The house was quiet when she and Charlotte came back. They spent hours at the park, laying on a picnic blanket under a tree and letting the sunshine warm them both as Charlotte read through one of the books she'd loaned from the school library. Erin had tried to check her work emails, but her mind was racing, she couldn't focus. So instead, she lay down beside her daughter and listened to her read aloud.
Charlotte was her mini-me. She had Erin's dark brown hair and olive skin. They had the same button nose and spattering of freckles on their stomach. Charlotte was stubborn, empathetic, and often seemed to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders; she was every bit a Lindsay girl. Except for her eyes. She got that beautiful green hue from her father – something that Erin had loved when Charlotte was a baby. She had loved it every day of her life, until today. Today, those eyes reminded her of the same ones she'd looked into earlier today as she realised that everything she had thought about her marriage, her husband, was a lie.
Erin couldn't help but wonder now, just how much of it had been real. She thought back on the many times she had sat at the dinner table on one side of her husband in the head seat, with Carly sitting on the other side. Carly would always hold hands with her husband, Tom, as he sat beside her; but now all Erin could wonder was if she was playing footsies under the table with Kelly at the same time.
"Where's Daddy?" Charlotte asks.
"Oh, um," Erin frowns, looking around.
She had texted Kelly that she would see him at home, that Charlotte wanted to show her the books she had picked for them to read tonight. Where the hell was he?
"You know, I think daddy's gone to see his friends. I'm sure he'll be home later, though. Why don't you go get ready for bed; I'll be up in a minute."
Charlotte nods and scurries up the stairs. Erin walks through the dark, quiet house. It feels different than it did a few hours ago – the stillness is lonely, the quietness haunting. It no longer feels like home. Erin had wanted Carly gone, but she'd still expected Kelly to be waiting here when she brought Charlotte back, if for no other reason than to see his daughter. And maybe, a part of her had hoped that he would want to try and talk things out with her. But apparently, she didn't know her husband the like she thought she had.
A shimmer of light catches her attention as she walks past the kitchen, and Erin stops short, changing direction. Her breath catches in her throat, her heart shattering further than she thought capable. With shaking hands, she reaches out to pick up the gold band sitting on the kitchen counter. Kelly's wedding ring.
Erin pulls her phone out of her back pocket, struggling to breathe as she hits the first speed dial on her phone; waiting to see if he will even answer her.
"Erin."
"Where are you?" She asks, "Charlotte thought you'd be here. I thought you'd be here."
"Wasn't feeling it." Kelly simply says.
Erin scoffs, bemused, "What? Six hours ago, you were practically begging me to talk to you, and now you're just done?"
"What do you want me to say, Erin? You were right. You knew it all along – I'm not cut out for this life."
"That's not true, Kelly." Erin sighs, "Look, just … come home, okay? We can talk, figure things out and-"
"Where'd you go, baby? Bath's getting cold." the feminine voice on the other end of the line cuts through Erin's desperate pleading. Anger flares in her gut once again when she realises it's not Carly, but another woman.
"You've got to be kidding me." Erin growls, "You left me, you left our daughter, so you could screw some random woman?"
She couldn't understand how they reached this point. How he could continually hurt her like this. Did he not care about her at all? His silence spoke volumes, broke Erin to her core.
"Forget it," Erin spits, "God, I thought maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that we could fix things. That you might just want to fight for our family, that this ring I'm holding in my hand was just you, feeling scared and trying to end things before I did. But you're just a coward, Kelly Severide; you'd rather give up on us and run away than put any real effort in at all."
She hangs up before he can say anything, not that she expected him to, anyways. Looking around at the house, the home they were supposed to raise their children and grow old in together, Erin felt like the biggest failure in the world. She didn't want to be here – in this house, in New York. All the memories she held here felt tainted now, coloured with the knowledge of her husband's indiscretions. Her marriage was over. Her family was broken. Their house no longer felt like a home.
Erin knew in that moment what she had to do. She and Charlotte had to go. They needed a fresh start.
Taking out her cell phone, Erin clicks the second speed dial, trying to keep a hold of her emotions as the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Jason, hi. I'm sorry to call so late." Her voice wobbled as she spoke.
"Erin. Is everything okay?"
"Yes, sorry," Erin cleared her throat, "I, uh, I just wanted to tell you that I reached a decision and … if the offer is still on the table, I would like to accept it."
"Yeah? You're sure about this?"
"I am, Jason." Erin says more firmly, "I want this."
"Okay, I'll let the brass know. Congratulations, Erin; you're about to become the first female Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department."
Two weeks later …
Jay Halstead gripped the bottle tightly in his hand, enraptured by the news report.
"Whoa, what's happening?" His brother, Will, asked as he walked through the door of Jay's apartment.
Jay increased the television's volume, watching the dispersing crowd of people in front of the mayor's office.
"Earlier this afternoon, a riot broke out in the crowds outside the mayor's office, at what was intended to be Superintendent Lindsay's first official public address since her swearing in almost two weeks ago." The reporter spoke, "Law enforcement were quick to intervene, though reports are surfacing that some police refused to assist; a suspected show of resistance in response to the new leadership."
"Shit. All this over some stupid rule changes?" Will asks, sitting down next to his brother.
Jay shrugs, "Chicago's old school. A lot of the cops are dirty, and even more politicians. She was bound to face some resistance, but I never thought it would escalate like this."
In the two weeks since Superintendent Lindsay took over her duties in the Chicago Police Department, there had been a hell of a lot of backlash. Given the reforms and policies she had pushed for in the NYPD, there were a lot of disgruntled officers and politicians at different levels of the Department who were very much against implementing the same changes in Chicago. To say she had ruffled some feathers was an understatement.
The echo of his ringing phone broke Jay's attention away from the news. He stood slowly, setting his beer on the coffee table and heading to the kitchen where he'd left the device to charge, confused when he the name lighting up the screen.
"Lang?" he asked.
"Halstead, long time." the man sighed, "I'm sorry to call out of the blue, but I need your help with a case. Can you meet?"
"Yeah, sure. Text me the address."
"Thanks."
…
Jay parked the 300 just outside the house belonging to the address Lang had texted him. It was a gated community, something that was meant to offer safety and security to its residents; but the scene before him said otherwise.
"Halstead," Jay startled at the gruff voice, whipping his head around to see his boss standing behind him.
"Voight? What are you doing here?"
"I'll explain on the way." Hank Voight walked up the front steps of the two-story brick house, bypassing the other police officers surrounding the area, Jay following in his steps.
They walked inside and found Lang, talking to a woman. She had a blanket around her shoulders and Jay could see that there was a child resting on her hip, a small head on the woman's shoulder. Jay assumed she was the owner of the house, and the intended victim of whatever was going on here.
"We were in here, having dinner," Hank explains, walking to the living room, "Heard a car, came full-speed down the street, stopped for all of five seconds before it drove off. I ran out to get a look but couldn't make out a plate."
Jay stands in the living room, surveying the damage. The panoramic window had been smashed in, glass littering the cream-coloured carpet. There was a discoloured patch, and Jay saw one of the workers putting a dirty brick into an evidence bag.
"You were with the victim?" Jay asks, trying to wrap his head around what was happening. Voight nods just as Lang comes into the room.
"Jay, thanks for coming on such short notice." Lang says, the two exchanging a firm handshake as Voight watches the workers tagging evidence.
"Of course. Not exactly sure what I'm doing here, though." Jay chuckles awkwardly.
Lang and Voight exchange a look, his current boss nodding to his former boss to take the lead.
"Our team's gonna be handling this case, but your Sergeant has requested that his team be assigned for safety and security. Specifically, you."
Jay looks at Voight, even more confused. Since when did Intelligence work security gigs for the FBI? And since when had Jay been brough back into the fold?
"Halstead, this isn't a normal case, alright?" Voight says, "We can't just put any officer on this. Not only is it high profile, but we need to be sure we can trust whoever we assign to not let their personal and political beliefs get in the way of doing their job. We've been hearing chatter or a potential uprising, some kind of group wanting to make a public move that could have some dangerous repercussions. Given the nature of the situation, and your history with both units, Lang and I are in agreement that you're the best fit."
"The best for what, exactly?" Jay asks, looking between the two of them.
Lang carefully takes out an evidence bag from his pocket, holding it out to display the piece of paper inside it.
"This was attached to the brick that was thrown in." He says, holding it out for Jay to read.
MESS WITH OUR STREETS, AND WE'LL MESS WITH HER
It was clearly a threat, an unoriginal one in Jay's opinion, but a serious concern, nonetheless. The message, however, was not as important as the picture attached underneath. The eyes had been crossed out; a hole punctured between them, assumedly to symbolise a bullet hole. There were other photos pasted around the main image, surveillance shots of two people and it took Jay a minute to realise just what was going on?
"Is that the Superintendent's daughter?" He looked to Voight, "You were having dinner with the Superintendent tonight, when someone threw a brick through the window of her house. This house."
"Yes." Voight says.
"So, the case we're working, the security and safety we're providing for, is that of the highest-ranking officer in the Chicago Police Department, and her daughter."
"Yes," Lang says, "which is why we can't just let any cop on this case. A lot of them have a grudge against her, and we can't trust every officer to be able to do their job impartially."
"So, where do I fit in to all of this?" Jay asks, "What exactly did you call me here for?"
"Grandpa?" the soft voice draws their attention from the conversation, Hank abandoning them to walk over to the woman that enters the room.
Jay comes face-to-face with the woman Lang was talking to earlier, now realising it's the same woman whose face has been plastered over the news for the last two weeks. Erin Lindsay.
"You must be Detective Halstead," Erin says, holding her hand out to him.
Jay clears his throat, reaching forward to shake her hand, "Uh, yes. It's an honour to meet you, Superintendent Lindsay.'
Erin musters up a small smile and says, "Just Erin will suffice, Halstead."
Jay nods and turns his attention to the child in her arms – a near replica of her mother. Her thumb is in her mouth and she's eyeing Jay nervously, shaking and clearly frightened, though she doesn't seem to mind when Hank scoops her up in his grasp.
"Charlotte, I got someone I want you to meet." the nurturing cadence takes Jay by surprise. He's never seen his boss like this before, so unlike the hard and jagged man that he's used to dealing with.
The little girl rests her head on Voight's shoulder as he speaks softly against her ear, though loud enough that Jay can still hear.
"This is Jay. He used to work with me," Hank starts, "And he owes me a really big favour, so I asked him to hang out with you and your mom while me and Mr Lang find the mean people that ruined our dinner tonight. What do you think about that?"
Charlotte's thumb slips out of her mouth, looking between Jay and Hank, before whispering in her grandfather's ear, "Will he keep us safe?"
Hank smiles down at Charlotte and says, "Of course."
His answer seems to reassure the little girl, 'Charlotte' Jay reminds himself, and he gives her back to Erin and wishes her a goodnight as they exit the room.
Hank walks back to Lang, standing before Jay once more.
"Okay," Jay crosses his arms, eyes hard as he stares them down, "Someone needs to explain what the hell is going on, right now."
A/N: hi friends! Welcome to 'At All Costs'.
I honestly have no business starting yet another story when I am barely managing to update the ones I have going, but I've been lacking inspiration/motivation lately and am hoping that writing this little fic will help me find it again. This story isn't going to be super long, probably 5-10 chapters at most but I'm super excited to share it with you all. This first chapter's got a lot going on, but it will all make sense soon!
Please leave a review and let me know what you think :)