Alternate ending set during Out Of My Mind, season 5. All of everything belongs to the Whedon.
I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice ... and drink deep.
The useless incision at the back of Spike's head is throbbing. Burning away, radiating down from his scalp to his shoulder blades. All those sharp little cuts, that disgusting digging feeling of the doc in his brain, Harmony's endless mind numbing chatter, on and on and on ceaselessly, and for what.
FOR WHAT!? Nothing!
Still had that sparkly little piece of plastic setting his frontal lobe on fire, like grabbing hold of a live wire and not being able to pull away. Shockwaves enough to turn his mind inside out. Enough to fry his eyes right out of his sockets.
God and I'd welcome it, if it meant I never had to see that bitch again! Rip them right out of my head with my own fucking fingers if I thought for one second she wouldn't be able to get at me anymore! Wouldn't be pounding her way in, clawing her way through me every day, every night.
I had her for a moment. All of one bleeding second. Had my damn fangs up against her neck!
Spike's racing through the graveyard, fury pulling him apart at the seems.
"Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn, she's there! That nasty little face, that ... bouncing shampoo-commercial hair, that whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude!"
He's mumbling angrily to himself, and only when Harmony inevitably pipes up behind him does he realise he wasn't mumbling, he was shouting.
"Well, aren't we kinda unholy, by default-"
"She follows me, you know, tracks me down. I'm her pet PROJECT! Drive Spike round the BEND! MAKES EVERYDAY A FRESH BOUT OF TORTURE!"
His boot catches on a gravestone and in a flash its in his hands. He hurls it, nearly braining Harmony with it as it shatters with a ear splitting smash.
The sight of it, falling and then bursting into pieces... It's so like himself that he nearly chokes on it.
Fell on top her and bloody well nearly got dashed to pieces. Losing my head. Losing my damn mind. Breaking apart like crumbling stone against her. She's burning me up until all is left is her. Just her in a dead shell...
God, how hot her blood had felt under his hands, up against his teeth for just a breath. Just the blink of an eye. He wanted to sink into her, burn inside of her, feeling her squirm beneath him as her heat cloaked him, pulled him in further. Wanted to feel the scream in her throat vibrate against his teeth...
...Are we still talking about feeding?
No. It's not just feeding. It's so much more... It's magic.
-Oh GOD! Magic! Her pet witch's sodding spell!
Nothing has been right in this head since that day. BLOODY NOTHING! THAT'S THE THING ABOUT MAGIC! THERE'S ALWAYS CONSEQUENCES!
"Spike!-" Harmony screams, pulling him back into himself in a choking instant, but Spike rounds on her, eyes burning past anger into near insanity.
"You don't understand. I can't get rid of her. She's everywhere. She's haunting me, Harmony!"
Why don't you just leave?
The voice in his head doesn't feel like his own and he blinks, bleary eyed in the flush of his madness.
Why don't I? Why am I still here. I could go anywhere, why do I stay here, stuck in this literal honest to God HELLHOLE. Trapped like a rat in a barrel, as she pears down at me with those eyes that are so full of innocence until you get close and realise she's got you exactly where she wants you, and it's TOO BLOODY LATE-
-Why can't you kill 'er?
Dru's eyes bore into him, her usually wandering gaze suddenly a spotlight on him. He flounders.
"You're the one who keeps bringing her up! I haven't said a word about the bloody Slayer since we left California. She's on the other side of the planet, Dru!"
"But you're lying!"
-God help me I am. Haven't said a word about her, but my mute lips betray me anyway. Unlike me, to be so silent on a subject as sour as letting a Slayer slip from my grasp. I know I should be parading around, tearing tiny little things to pieces to make myself feel better.
And she's watching me. All the time Dru's watching me, waiting for me to start spilling the blood that I should've spilled back there, and I can't. I just sulk and wallow like a pitiful child. Taking it out on her...
"I can still see her floating all around you, laughing. Why? Why won't you push her away?"
"But I did, pet. I did it for you." He lies. The thought of Buffy is burning in his mind and he knows Dru can see her too. Her dreadful clairvoyance could bite right to the core of him when there was something he tried to keep back from her. Some small inch of himself that he wanted to hide and she'd pick and pick and pick at it like a little girl with a scab until it was bleeding freely into her hands.
He bites back a gasp as he feels her fingers slipping over his thoughts, sharp nails clawing at him from the inside.
"You keep punishing me. Carrying on with creatures like this-" He gestures to the slime covered demon standing a few feet away. He can't stand to look at it too long, the thought of all that mucus, pooling around his dark angel. Slipping over her. Inside her... disgusting.
"I have to find my pleasures, Spike. You taste like ashes. You're all covered with her. I look at you... all I see is the Slayer."
And so he came back. Intending to rip Buffy to pieces. Rip her into tiny little scraps of skin and bone and blood, under his fingernails and in his hair. Rip her to bits until all was left was bleeding ounces of flesh that he could take back and lie at Dru's feet, gore covered and full again.
..Is that what you want?
He takes a deep breath in, pushing the voice away hard. Doc must've cut a wrong nerve somewhere, that's all. That's all...
That's not what you want.
Left over's from that damn wicca's spell.
...That's all. That's all.
He breaths out again, bringing himself back into balance against an onslaught of bitter memories.
"This ... has got to end."